TEAM Vs. Griswold's Nut-Busters

TEAM is Hector (w/ The Chaos Breaker), Commander Cody, Capt Rex, Conan the Barbarian, Splinter, Shredder (w/ Mithril Vest), Black Dragon #8, Crasher, Trioculous, Nightmare, Hishiro Mitsurugi, Solid Snake (w/ a Sniper Rifle), Miri, Rain, and Vega.

Griswold’s Nut-Busters are Jarvis, Fantomex, Cluster, Weapon XIII, Widget (w/ body), G.W. Bridge, Left Winger and Rigt Winger, Ecthelion of the Fountain, King Tut, Duncan Idaho Ghola #9, Major “Hawk” Masterson in a Fiat C.R. 42 Fighter Plane, Star Sapphire #4 and 5, Storm Trooper #2, The Shining Force: Mini Pipes, Livewire, The Goddess of the Moon, Super Hero, Heat Man, Cowboy Man, Bear, Stephanie, Dos, and PC, Zimm (w/ green lightsaber), and Capt. Wacky, Treasure Troll #19, and Ewok #100.


Chicks don’t like short guys. They may say that it doesn’t matter to them, but that really means that they are just tolerating their shortness because the other traits are decent enough to keep the guy around. But when confronted with a tall guy of “equal of greater value” they will always go with him no questions asked. That is the moral of this story. That is if this story had morals, or a moral to speak of.

1 Week ago…

Head Coach Dexter Morgan of The Nut-busters has invited TEAM over for a glorious feast. They get together and decide that instead of partaking in this monstrous triple death battle that they shall ally themselves indefinitely and never fight one another. The party seems to be a great success. The eat rich foods, consume mass quantities of wine, and indulge in one another’s company via dancing and conversating about their great exploits of old. At the party, in one of the back rooms of “The Great Hall of Nut-Busting” an over-served Conan the Barbarian and The Goddess of the Moon are deep in conversation and are getting a bit flirty.

“Yeah, short guys just don’t get the job done, if you know what I mean”. Says The Goddess of her man Mini-Pipes. She continues: “I yearn for a strong “Muscular” man to take me away from this losing team to a greater life”.

Conan retorts: “Aye, for I am the man who can provide that life. Join me, as my lover and partner and we shall sail back to TEAM Headquarters together and begin our life”.

“Oh, how I would love to; but I can’t. Imagine what it would do to our two team’s freshly made alliance”. Says Moon.

“AYE. ALLIANCE BE DAMNED. Our love is more powerful than either of our teams, or said alliance”. Says Conan.

And so it is decided. The next morning when the two teams are saying their peaceful farewells, The Goddess of the Moon sneaks aboard TEAM’s ship with Conan and sails with them back to TEAM Headquarters.

4 Hours later…

“HAS ANYBODY SEEN MY WIFE” Yells an irritated and hungover Mini-Pipes.

After he asks this of several teammates and gets nothing but no from all, he is confronted by Treasure Troll #19. “I saw them hanging out this morning kind of secret like, and I noticed that they were pretty chummy last night at the party too”. Says the green haired Troll.

“Who the HELL is They” asks Mini Pipes.

The Troll responds: “Your wife and that shirtless dude, Conan”.

“WHAT”!! Mini-Pipes exclaims. He continues: “This is the last straw. The treaty has been broken. Me and The Shining Force are going to take off for TEAM Headquarters at once. Who is with me?!!?”

Mini-Pipes is met by cheers and jeers and is then joined by a fairly large group of great warriors prepared to join him on his quest (and by great warriors, I of course mean that large squad of tool boxes that I mentioned at the beginning of the match).

Major Hawk Masterson pledges himself to the cause of Mini-Pipes and uses his vast military knowledge to formulate a plan of attack. The squad shows up at TEAM’s vacation headquarters at the family home of Season 1 TEAM Veteran Hector in Troy and the plan is executed as Major Masterson screams: “ATTACK” over the intercom of his Fiat CR.42

And it is on…

The treaty is broken as The Nut-busters start busting down the walls of Troy. With small skirmishes breaking out all over the landscape. Cluster and Fantomex join forces to riddle Trioculous with bullets but not before Trioculous manages to waste King Tut’s fat a**. Black Dragon #8 swoops in as one of the first lines of defense for TEAM and bites the head off of G.W. Bridge before coating The Left and Right Wingers, as well as Jarvis in a thick mix of acid.

“What manner of treachery is this”. Asks Hector as he sees his city under siege.

But he is approached by Splinter, who is accompanied by both Commander Cody and Capt. Rex. Splinter enlightens their leader by saying: “I believe that the rumors that I hoped to be false are true after all. I think Conan the Romantic has taken a new bride with him from our treaty session with The Nut-busters, and it would appear that The Nut-busters have come here to get her back and gain some retribution in the meantime”.

Hector nods in understanding and grabs his Chaos Breaker, knowing that although they may not be on the right side of this fight that he must defend his homeland. He orders the rest of his squad to defend the land to the last man. And the melee truly begins.

As most of both of the teams are battling in the city streets proper of Troy, The Shining Force band together and bust into the private chambers of Conan the Barbarian, where he is sure enough hold up with the estranged wife of Mini-Pipes, The Goddess of the Moon. Mini-Pipes begins to yell about his woman and such but before he can say anything too memorable, Conan pulls out his mighty broad sword and slices the little cosmic harborer of jealousy is twine. This truly ignites the battle as the private quarters erupt with the powers of The Shining Force. Conan goes on a bezerker rage, slicing up Cowboy Man and Bear as well, while the rest of the team regroups. Stepahnie simply means to stun The Goddess to take her back home for her crimes; but an evil streak gets comes over her once again and she pumps too much power into The Goddess killing her. This enrages Conan further as he sends a boot into the now broken neck of Stepahanie and breaks the face of PC. It is not until Dos takes to the air in his flying contraption and fires a series of concussion missiles into the Barbarian does Conan finally fall.

The remaining members of The Shining Force, exit Conan’s room and join the battle which is already in full swing. Some had hoped that once the issue between Conan and Mini-Pipes was resolved that this conflict would resolve with it; but at this point the battle is too far gone and there is simply no stopping the fighting.

Ecthelion of the Fountain bests Nightmare with his steel, as does Duncan Idaho defeat Hishiro Mitsurugi in one on one combat; but Solid Snake then hits them both with his sniper rifle from atop Troy’s highest tower. Snake then blasts apart Ewok #100 and the robot Widget and takes Major Hawk’s fighter jet out of the sky; but Hawk ejects out and flies in with his winged suit to target Solid Snake and take him out from his high vantage point. Livewire manages to take out Miri by wrapping her in his pulse powered tentacle; but The Shining Force version of Ryan is then stabbed in the gut by the claws of his favorite Street Fighter Character Vega. Vega then dodges a heat vision attack from Super Hero and catches him in the eye with a claw, before he is covered in a mess of lava from Heat Man. Rain then puts out Heat Man’s fire and uses some lightning to bring down Dos’s ship before Zimm catches him with a green lightsaber to the gut. The two Star Sapphires meet up with the black dragon in mid-air and #5 is coated with acid and killed before #4 can take out the dragon for good with a wicked blast of not-so-straight pink energy.

Hector can see that many of the TEAM secrets could be potentially lost should Troy fall, so he sends some correspondence back to the official TEAM Headquarters so they will know that Troy as it seems will inevitably be “Nut-busted”. He entrusts this job with old friend Splinter and his trusty partners Capt. Rex and Commander Cody. The trio rushes off to inform the powers that be within the TEAM Organization as Hector suits up to go into glorious battle in defense of what is left of his once beautiful home.

Crasher transforms into her robot form and punches Star Sapphire #4 into the ground, then quickly transforms back into her race car mode and runs over Capt. Wacky. Major Hawk Masterson then hits Crasher with a powered up blast from his futuristic suit to send the evil chick Go-bot to the graveyard. Shredder catches a couple of bullets in the chest from Cluster and Fantomex but his mithril vest manages to protect him from the bullets. He then begins a melee battle with the two clone lovers that ends with his katana removing the head of Fantomex, while his razor sharp hand guards slice the throat of Cluster. Weapon XIII is able to avenge his clone enemies of himself with a head shot through the eye of Shredder.

As Troy has fallen around him, Hector, as the last TEAMmember standing pulls out his Chaos Breaker and stands alone against Zimm, Treasure Troll #19, Weapon XIII, and Major Masterson. Hector rushes at the 4 combatants; but before the melee portion of the skirmish begins, he uses The Chaos Breaker to cast Freeze 3 and takes out both the treasure troll and takes Hawk right out of the sky. The Chaos Breaker clashes with Zimm’s green lightsaber, but Hector quickly breaks away from that battle to quickly dispatch Weapon XIII by stabbing him in the neck. Hector then in one swift motion moves against Zimm once again, but notices the green lightsaber enter his chest, right as he is removing Zimm’s head with his own sword. Hector lies on the ground to see his city burning around him as he joins his enemies in death.