Season X Week 5 - Turrible Decisions vs. Super Kitties

Barkley’s Turrible Decisions: The Spectre, Q, Q2, Lady Q, q, Colonel Q, and Quinn, The Borg Queen, Borg #1-10, Boba Fett & Odo (In the Slave 1), Yaddle, Mace Windu, Hal Jordan, Alan Scott , Saint Walker w/ Green Lantern Ring, Batman in the Golden Age Batmobile, Fortress Maximus, Fortress Maximus's Head, and Fortress Maximus's Head's Head, Deadpool, Kwisatz Haderach Duncan Idaho, Paul Atreides "Maud Dib" , Neo-Cymeks #1-2, Krayt Dragons #1-2, Snaptrap, Nautilator, Overbite, Seawing, Skalor, and Tentakil, Black Manta

Super Kitties are: Abeloth, Supergirl, Powergirl, Polaris in a V-Wing, Scarlet Witch in a V-Wing, Hermione Granger, Spider-Man, Black Widow, Hades, Blackfire, Starfire, The Red Hood, Arsenal and Mr. Spock in a Snow Speeder, Darth Traya (w/a red lantern ring), Michael Myers, Splinter, The Protectobots (Hot Spot, Streetwise, Blades, Groove, and First Aid), Prof. Minerva Mognonagle, Fred Weasley, George Weasley, Neville Longbottom, Fred, Daphne, Velma, Shaggy, Scooby-Doo, Scrappy-Doo, and Scooby-Dumb in The Mystery Machine, Bubba Duck, Gold Dragon #1


Things are pretty boring for Arsenal and Mr. Spock in their Snow Speeder. They search the frozen tundra of the Playoff Planet for hours and find nothing. Spock looks over to his right at Gold Dragon #1 who is assisting in the search thinking it might be time to call this off and go assist in the city. Suddenly the alarms go off. Missile Lock! Arsenal has no time to swing the guns around before Boba Fett and Odo in the Slave 1 riddle the hull of their ship with bullets and projectiles and turn it into shrapnel. Gold Dragon gives quick chase but Boba has already adjusted his flight path and as the giant beast pauses to breath out his death, Boba sends a volley of shots into the dragon’s open mouth. Odo, from the co-pilot seat, thinks to himself how majestic this creature looks even in death as it spirals and lands on the frozen surface below.

Much, much further away, closer to the equator, Starfire and her sister Blackfire are dragging themselves through the desert with teammates Michael Myers, Splinter and Darth Traya. Michael is complaining about how hot it is under the mask while Splinter and Traya try to talk him into taking it off to show his real face when suddenly a kindjal is driven through the rat’s chest. Duncan Idaho and Paul Atreides are able to easily sneak up on the Super Kitties because of their stealth like, sand walking abilities. Duncan is able to easily block Michael Myers’ knife attack and finish him off. Paul is having a bit of trouble with the Fire sisters, deflecting their laser blasts with his body shield. Assisting the Barkley team is the NeoCymeks and two Krayt Dragons. Blackfire takes a break from attacking paul to dispatch the two cymeks. While Traya is distracted firing her sabers at Krayt Dragon #1 and killing it, Duncan times his attack at Traya sneaking between her flying lightsabers and beheads her. He then picks up two of her sabers and directs his attack at Blackfire. The sabers are too much for her and as he runs both through the torso of Blackfire, Starfire fills with rage and is able to kill Duncan from the side. Paul uses this chance to gain the upper hand on Starfire and slashes her throat. Paul then mounts the Krayt Dragon (Targaryen Style) and flies away.

“Quack Quack” says Bubba Duck shortly before he is in the middle of a huge robot fight in the water. It’s hard for me to tell who is killing who as it’s just metal all around and I don’t know anyone’s names but in the end, Bubba Duck is dead along with all the protectobots for the Super Kitties and Snaptrap, Nautilator, Overbite, Seawing, Skalor and Tentakil for Barkleys. Fortress Maximus emerges from the fight dazed and The Red Hood quickly offs his head (and his head’s head). The Black Manta burns a hole in the chest of Red Hood as a thank you for killing his teammate. Saint Walker floats over to pick up the Blank Manta in a cool green boat he constructed with his GL Ring when the sky suddenly rains bullets down on them. Polaris and Scarlet Witch light them both up and their bodies fall to the bottom of the sea.

Polaris and Scarlet Witch take to the sky and meet up with the battle already happening in space. The Spectre and all the Q’s (Q, Q2, Lady Q, q, Colonel Q and Quinn) have been battling Supergirl and Powergirl. Black Widow is able to kill The Borg Queen (which deactivates Borgs #1-10) before helping with the Spectre/Qs battle. Polaris and Scarlet Witch circle the Q’s in their V-wings and the overwhelming about of girl power on display from the Super Kitties, somewhere Kathleen Kennedy is smiling. The Spectre sees them on the edge of defeat and sacrifices himself and his Q buddies to explode in a tremendous force of energy that kills everyone in space.

“Yoinks a doinks, Scoob. I don’t know if we’re going to get out of this one!” exclaims Shaggy as the Mystery Machine tears down the street in the city section of the playoff planet. With Fred at the wheel, they are locked in a tight game of chicken opposite Batman who is coming head on in the Golden Age Batmobile. The crime solving team shouts encouraging words to Fred, urging him not to slow down or change course. He obliges his friends and they all pay with their lives as the Batmobile tears the hippie van apart like tissue paper. Spiderman shoots a web onto the windshield of the Batmobile and Hermione uses a spell to move a dumpster into the road. Batman hits the dumpster and the car deflects into a nearby building killing Batman on impact because he’s a normal dude and normal people die in car crashes. Hades falls to a Mace Windu lightsaber attack while Hermione, professor Mogonagle, Neville Longbottom and the older Weasley brothers return the favor to the Barkley’s with a flurry of green flashes uttering the incantation that is normally reserved for he who shall not be named. But this is war, and war requires good people to toss out a killing curse every once in a while. Also falling to the killing curse are Yaddle, and fellow green lanterns Hal Jordan and Alan Scott. Paul Atreides is able to come in and torch the five wizards and witches with his Krayt dragon before being knocked off his perch and falling to his death along with the dragon. The fire consumes the crew from Hogwarts and Deadpool shows up to make sure the job is finished with a few quick slashes of his swords.

Spiderman hears Abeloth groan and die at the hands of Deadpool who turns and looks at Spiderman. These final two in the city stare each other down briefly before Spiderman ensnares Deadpool with a web and hangs him from a lamppost.

“Got anything clever and inappropriate to say now?” taunts Peter Parker.

“Sorry you lost…” says Deadpool as Spiderman’s explodes. 

“Took you long enough!” Deadpool says now directing his words at Boba Fett who is perched on the top of a nearby building.

Week 6

-450 points in Metropolis
-Prizes: A Zombie bite, a cape feather, and a Yellow Lantern Ring.
-Retreat Week

Match-ups:
-TEAM Vs. Be Gentle It's My First Time
-Two Hungry Dinomites With Bubble Fighting Fun down Tight Vs. Asia's Acrobatic Assassins
-The Striders of Rohan Vs. Better Than All of You
-George Washington's House Elves Vs. Charles Barkley's Turrible Decisions
-The Super Orange Kitty Sisters Vs. John and Vader's House of Sith Aids
-The Empire Vs. The Misunderstood Hetero-Phobic Tall H8TERZ

Two Hungry Dinomites with Bubble Fightin Fun Down Tight Vs. Be Gentle it's My First Time

The Two Hungry Dinomites with Bubble Fightin Fun Down Tight are Darkseid, General Zod, Ursa, Non, Ranx the Sentient City, Wonder Woman, Wonder Girl (w/ The Sword of Light), Aquaman, Booster Gold, The Flash (w/ a Blue Lantern Ring), Jay Garrick (w/ a green lantern ring), Kaliback, Desaad, Bub, Bob, Bib, Beb, Teebo, Ewok Warrior, Chief Chirpa (w/ a Tanooki Suit), Logray, Ewok Elder, Wicket (w/ a Racoon Leaf), Ewok Scout (w/ a Frog Suit), Gilleus Thunderhead, Tyrius Flare, Ax-Battler, Capt. America on his Motorcycle, Nightwing on his motorcycle, Evil Dwarf #1, Honored Matre #1, Jar Jar Binks, and all 30 members of the Shining Force.

Be Gentle it's My First Time is The Sinister Six: Green Goblin, Doctor Octopus, Electro, Mysterio, Vulture, and Sandman, Doomsday, Omni King Zeno, Zues, Hera, Prof. Xavier, Granny Goodness and The Female Furies, King Ghodira, The Cloverfield Monster, Black Atom (w/ a Yellow Lantern Ring), Beerus: god of Destruction, Zilla, Megalon, Carnage, and Steppenwolfe.


Sup guys, Neon Master Pogo here. Joshatu originally was going to watch both matches this week, cuz he was all like: “Hey Pogo, this is the big week; so I really need the matches to be well written and serious. Not just some garbage with a bunch of poop jokes in it”.... But then Ol' Joshatu the Stuffy ran out of time and brought me in anyhow; so......... Get ready for poop-joke filled garbage.

Darkseid is not happy that some of his minions are bold enough to stand against him for the other team. Most of all his soldier Steppenwolfe. Darkseid allows Steppenwolfe to attack, but there isn't even enough time for a poop joke. Darkseid is unaffected by the attacks of Steppenwolfe and kills him with ease.

Ranx the Sentient City is up in the atmosphere flinging cosmic poop, but Omni King Zeno and Beerus counter with super saiyan anime poop causing them all to meld together and explode into a smell that causes them to join each other in death and destroys the nose of every person living on the Playoff Planet.

Wonder Woman and Wonder Girl square off against Granny Goodness and her crew of Female Furies and the fighting gets intense. They are all over-exerting themselves creating a plethora of girl farts, which as you probably know are way worse than boy farts. Wonder Girl uses the Sword of Light to cast Bolt 2 and kill Bernadeth, but most of the furies go down through regular old melee fighting. Granny herself is able to take out Wonder Girl with a special blend of fighting prowess and potent old lady fart-power; but once Wonder Girl falls, the enraged Wonder Woman kills the rest with ease.

In the depths of the ocean, the only place where one can't smell the aftermath of Ranx's rankness, Aquaman is making bubbles of his own. Zilla swims up, but Aquaman takes control of the massive Kaiju and makes him eat fish that are bad for his stomach. Zilla then gets water-fish-dysentary and poops himself to death. Zues gets annoyed with the O.P. nature of Aquaman in the water and borrows some power from his little brother Poseidon. Mixed with his own lightning power, he boils the ocean and kills Aquaman who gets to smell his fart bubbles dry briefly for the first time before he dies.

Black Atom Vs. The ring-wielding Flashes had no poop involved in it at all, so I don't have much to say about it. Black Atom and Flash died. Jay Garrick lived for now.

The Shining Force face off against a three headed evil dragon, like they always do; but this time it is King Ghodira instead of Dark Dragon. King Ghodira is able to blow some serious fire (from his mouths, not his butt) and take out 19 members of the Shining Force, but Max follows the script and sacrifices himself by plunging the Chaos Breaker into the heart of Dark Dragon err, I mean King Ghodira, and then casts his Egress spell to save the rest of his team. They are so happy to be alive that they all poop themselves.

Jar Jar Binks slipped on a piece of poop and died.

The Cloverfield Monster eats Kaliback and Desaad and then naturally poops them out. Bub, Bob, Bib, and Beb collect the magic poop as an item and get special poop bubbles that they shoot at Hera. Hera is so offended by this action that she suicides herself, but takes the poopy dinosaurs to Hades with her. The Cloverfield Monster then attacks the Golden Axe crew and kills Tyrius and Ax-Battler. But before she dies, Tyrius casts her level 6 magic and summons a dragon that melts the Cloverfield Monster into something that smells almost as bad as The breath of the Bubble Bobble dudes.

Megalon stomps the ewoks into goo that looks like hairy little piles of poop (like after a an animal eats another animal and you find the crap in the woods). But it isn't poop, it's just dead ewok.

General Zod, Ursa, and Non know about the problems that Superman has had with Doomsday, so they decide to triple team him. And by triple team him, I mean they hit him with a real “1,2,3 punch”. Ursa pees on him, Zod poops on him, and Non poops and pees on him. Doomsday goes nuts and manages to crush the skulls of both Ursa and Non, but with the diversion they cause, Zod is able to finish him off. Zod flies away as the bodies of Doomsday. Ursa, and Non all lose control of their bowels.

Captain America and Nightwing on their bikes, Booster Gold, Gilleus Thunderhead, The Evil Dwarf, and Honored Matre square off against The Sinister Seven (Carnage included). But the nearby lightning storm from the Zues Wonder Woman battle a little ways away scares Megalon so bad, that he loses his bunghole grip and sprays poo all over the battlefield. Only Gilleus, Nightwing, Cap, Electro, Carnage, and Vulture survive the Hershey Squirt onslaught.

Zeus finishes his fight with Wonder Woman by putting a lightning bolt through her eye and ensures that we have smelled and heard the last girl fart of the match. Darkseid gets revenge for his frenemy Wonder Woman by taking a power dump down Zeus' throat.

Zod blows his powerful breath at the pile of Megalon feces which sends toxic poop icicles into the skull of Carnage.

Jay Garrick then begins running around the massive poop pile so quickly that it creates a poop tornado strong enough to kill Megalon once the particles go up his nostrils and infect his Kaiju brain.

Cap and Nightwing have to clean poop speckles off of their shield and birdarangs so they can throw them straight, but once they do, they manage to hit both Electro and Vulture with killing blows to the temple.

Professor Xavier is so offended by this grotesque and terribly written match that he loses control and mindblocks Dakseid, Zod, and Jay Garrick, although the power of the three overpowers his mutant brain causing it to explode out of his head and making his butt explode wet turds into his wheelchair.

As the match comes to a close Captain America turns to his partner Nightwing and says: “Poop”.

The Striders of Rohan Vs. Ahsoka's Acrobatic Assassins

The Striders of Rohan are The Guardians of the Galaxy: Starlord, Gamora, Drax the Destroyer, Groot, Rocket, Nebula, Mantis, Yondu, and Kraglin in The Benatar, Apocalypse, Capt. Marvel, John Stewart, Blue Lantern #1-2, Red Lantern #1-2, Wolverine (w/ a red lantern ring), Adam Warlock, Seaworm #1-9, Sandworm #1-2, Ghost Rider, Circuit Breaker, Hancock (in a Frog Suit), The Balrog of Moria, Gandalf the White, Blue Wizard #1 & 2, Samwise Gamgee, Gondor Soldier #1-15, Nazgul #2 w/ his Fell Beast, Jedi Master #1 in Anakin's Starfighter, Admiral William Kelley & Jedi Master #2 in a AT-AT, King Kong, Jedi Master #3 & 4 in an AT-AT, Jedi Master #5 & 6 in an AT-AT, and Jedi Master #7 in a Stealth X-Wing.

Ahsoka's Acrobatic Assassins are Dr. Manhattan, The Father, Son, and Daughter of Mortis, Martian Manhunter, Miss Martian, Brainiac, Vision, Reverse Flash, Franklin Richards, The !2 Guardian Knights, The Witch King of Angmar and his Fell Beast, Poseidon, The Doom Patrol: The Chief, Mento, Elasti-Girl, Robotman, Negative Man, & Beast Boy, Revan, Ras Al' Ghul, Havoc, and White Lantern Zachary Houslander.


Michigan Vs. Ohio State, The Yankees Vs. The Red Sox, USA Vs. The USSR, TEAM Vs. The Horsemen of Apokolips. A Watcher of my stature knows a great rivalry when he sees one. And although this one just may be just beginning, it definitely has the makings of an epic rivalry built into it. Let us begin:

King Kong, has not been on the Playoff Planet long; but he has already established himself as the dominant force within the eco-system of the forest. His dominance is in question though, once The 12 Guardian Knighs make an appearance and start terrorizng the area. They merge to form Dragonstorm and begin to search the area for the large gorilla rumored to be in these parts. King Kong leaps down in front of the Transformer Gestalt, but Dragonstorm blasts him in the chest with some lasers. Kong is blown back, and badly injured but manages to escape away to a cave he had discovered earlier.

The Witch King of Angmar, through his mental connection to the other Ringwraiths easily tracks down his fellow Nazgul in the jungle. Nazgul #2 draws his sword, but both of them know how the battle will play out. The Witch King is the leader of the Ringwraiths for a reason and easily dispatches Nazgul #2. After the former King of man dies, his Fell Beast lands next to the Witch King and lowers himself in hopes for forgiveness. The Witch King pets the creature, but then runs him through with his sword as he must with his enemies.

Brainiac and Vision have set up a fortress laboratory in the heart of the city, but Apocalypse shows up to disrupt their research. Apocalypse has brought Circuit Breaker with him, but the young woman has no idea what her teammate has in store for her. As the two Striders stride into the Assassin base, they are greeted with arrogant quips from Brainiac. Vision stands ready for an attack from the fierce Apocalypse, but that wasn't necessarily the one he should be worried about. Apocalypse grabs his own teammate Circuit Breaker and rips her in half flinging both parts of her into Vision, frying the circuits of The Avenger. Apocalypse then begins to grow in size in preparation for his battle with Brainiac. Brainiac begins to power up for the battle as well and states: “I can handle any kind of fight big guy, but you should know that brains always beat brawn”. Apocalypse grows even larger and says: “That's what smart guys always say before I beat the Hell out of them”. Brainiac then moves towards the ever growing Apocalypse, but the ancient mutant delivers a fist that crushes Brainiac into the ground. Apocalypse then picks up a table from the laboratory and smashes it over Brainiac before stomping in the head of his opponent with his massive foot.

Deep in the depths of the Playoff Planets Ocean, lies the formidable water crew of the Striders. Nine Seaworms circle the area, while Hancock swims gracefully watching them in his Frog Suit. He mumbles to himself: “I could be flyin around the skies, tearin up the city right now; but I'm floatin down here in my Frog Suit. That's aight tho. I'm just the frog suit guy now. That's who I am”. Poseidon shows up alone, but is a water team all by himself. He begins to do battle with the massive Seaworms, but quickly starts to tame them into his control. Hancock sees his not-so-bright teammates begin to switch sides and is not too happy about it. “OH HELL Naw. Hey (*&^)&)(* What chu doin to my worms pal”?!!? Hancock screams at Poseidon.

Poseidon responds: These worms are in this sea, and everything in this sea now belongs to me”.

Hancock shakes his Frog-eared covered head and says: “How about we do Plan B instead?? I stick you up a Seasworm's butt and then another Seaworm eats that seaworm before the first seaworm poops you out”.

Poseidon is incredulous to the words of his opponent and says: “What a ludicrous statement, especially coming from a silly boy dressed as a frog. I am a god, you cannot possibly do battle with me”.

Hancock, now furious states: “BOY. BOY IN a FROG SUIT!! I'm a MAN IN A FROG SUIT *(^)(&^&(%”.

Hancock then levels Poseidon with a punch that would send a semi-truck airborne. Poseidon recovers and begins swimming back towards Hancock to retaliate, but Hancock is ready for him. Hancock tells him that: “Ya know, way back in the day people thought I was a god too, now here in modern times they just know Ima bada**” Hancock tackles Poseidon who begins pounding on the super-hero as they move back into the circle of seaworms. Hancock realizes that he can't make good on his promise, because the seaworms don't really seem to have butts. But Hancock instead attempts to throw Poseidon into the open mouth of the seaworm. Hancock is successful, but Poseidon refuses to let go, which sends both combatants through the razor sharp teeth of the seaworm. The two high-powered combatants are both swallowed by the seaworm, but such a massive amount of power is contained with them, that the other worms cannot help but be drawn to it. The worms converge around the power source and eat each other until the power is no more.

White Lantern Zack Houslander is flying around the city loving his white lantern ring. He is learning how to do mid-air flips and is looking extra cool in his super tight, bright white shirt complete with the white lantern emblem and his short white shorts to show off his wicked awesome calf muscles. He stumbles upon an old man with a staff, also dressed in white and says: “Sup Bruh, you must be on the other team. We should do battle. My name's Zack. I'm a White Lantern and kind of a big deal; so I'm probably gonna mess you up Homeboy”.

The old man removes his hood and says: “Hmm, my name's Gandalf young man. Gandalf the White. There are many magical rings in this universe. There power should not be taken lightly. But I am beginning to get the impression that you don't have a clue as to how to actually use the power within that white ring”.

“Yeah right Dogg, you see me flying around, don'tcha”?? “I got this White Power thing on lockdown”. He starts to trail off..... “Crap. White Power, that sounds kinda racist when I say it like that. I need to come up with something better than that. I don't need those kind of labels if I'm gonna be a wicked gnarly superhero”.

But, while Zack is contemplating how to describe himself in a politically correct manner, Gandalf raises his staff and sends a white light in the direction of Zack that slices him in half.

Off near a secluded pond, Ras Al Ghul sits pondering how he can become master of this new planet he has been thrust upon, when he hears someone stealthily approaching. He greets his visitor who introduces himself as Wolverine. “Welcome Wolverine, I see you have come alone. That is both brave and noble of you, but forgive me for saying that it is also very foolish. You see, I have been around for many, many years and have had the best challengers. And nobody has ever been able to defeat me in one on one combat”.

Wolverine retorts: “Well Bub, I gotta say that that just ain't the truth. Cuz you see Bub, I've been around a long time too. And you ain't fought me yet”.

Ras, then produces a sword, while Wolverine pops his claws with a “SNIKT” and the fight commences. Ras is able to connect with a few sword swipes to Wolverine's arms, but they quickly begin to heal. Wolvie then manages to break the defenses of the master assassin, slicing off the right hand of Ras with his left claws and stabbing him in the neck with his right claws. Wolverine retracts his claws and continues on to the next battle.

Back in the forest, hidden under a large outcropping of trees is the wounded and frightened King Kong. He is licking his wounds, when he is all of the sudden overcome with a glimmer of hope. The two Blue Lanterns fly towards Kong and speak to him. Kong's dialect may be very primitive, but the blue OA rings translate everything and make the giant ape and the alien lanterns completely understand each other. The Lanterns begin to explain that the team needs Kong as they gently heal his wounds with their powers. Over the horizon, Dragonstorm is wrecking the two AT-ATs driven by Jedi Masters #3-6. The huge Transformer has already punched the Stealth X-Wing out of the sky and blasted Anakin's starship with lasers. Dragonstorm stands triumphant over a mess of Star Wars vehicles. King Kong has been brought back to 100% physically and wants to attack; but is too frightened by the metal monster. Blue Lantern #1, gently pets the back of the large head of Kong to bring back the hope that was lost. He speaks to the Ape and says: “Your healing is almost complete, but the next step must be done by you”. The Blue Lantern points in the direction of Dragonstorm and says: “We have healed your body, now you need to kick his A**”. With that bit of encouragement, King Kong leaps out from behind the trees and delivers a surprise upper-cut to Dragonstorm knocking him on his back. The gestalt gets back up and a massive brawl of massive beings ensues. Dragonstorm hits Kong with some building-leveling blows, but the ape fights through them and delivers a series of punches to the face and chest of Dragonstorm. The Transformer begins to smoke and malfunction, when Kong hits him with a powerful kick to the midsection, which breaks the gestalt apart and extinguishes its spark.

As all these side skirmishes come to a close an enormous battle with the remainder of forces is about to commence in the Desert.

Starlord speaks into the com of his ship: “Hey boss, looks like everything is set for the final attack”.

Admiral Kelley answers: “Alright Quill, let's hope what we have left is enough to take out what they have left”.

The Witch King may have proved himself superior in his battle against his fellow Nazgul; but isn't quite the nastiest thing Middle Earth has to offer. This was proven when The Balrog of Moria used his huge whip to strangle the undead life from the Wraith.

The Doom Patrol takes on the Gondor Soldiers and Samwise. The Middle Earth swordwielders manage to take out their leader The Chief, but can't do much else against the high-powered team and they all fall to their super-powers.

Capt. Marvel flies in fast; but Dr. Manhattan uses his powers of time manipulation to send her back to the 1980s when nobody cared about female super-heroes causing her to become irrelevant and disappear. John Stewart manages to catch the Reverse Flash with a green energy mesh barrier that contains his speed force for a few moments causing him to vibrate into nothingness. Dr. Manhattan sees this impressive display of power and realizes that he must send John Stewart all the back to the 1950s before they cared about black super-heroes.

The Red Lanterns, Blue Lanterns, and Blue Wizards all try and team up against The Mortis Family, but they can't seem to overpower the mastery of Force balance wielded by them.

Havoc hits The Benatar with some solar energy making it spin out of control, but all of its inhabitants eject to safety and begin battling with The Doom Patrol. Beast Boy turns into a T-Rex and eats Kraglin and Mantis, but is then pounded to death by Drax. Robotman cracks the metal skull of Nebula, but is similarly broken to bits by Gamora. Yondu catches Negative Man going back into his body with his whistle wand thingie, but not before Negative Man gets into the body of Drax to disrupt his organs and kill him. Yondu then attempts to do the same to Mento, but Mento uses his powers to send the arrow right back at Yondu through his heart. Starlord gets revenge by blasting Mento repeatedly with both of his blasters. Elasti-girl grows to giant size crushing Gamora, but Rocket and Groot manage to knock her off balance and finish her off.

The two enormous sandworms come lunging out of the ground, and when Dr. Manhattan sees them, he instantly realizes that they cannot be defeated in this territory. He uses his powers to teleport the sandworms to his home on Mars, where they can either die or create a new Dune. Adam Warlock sees this amazing display of power and takes advantage of Manhattan when he is at least slightly weakened from such a feat. Adam uses his cosmic power to revert Manhattan back to human form just for a few seconds, which is long enough for Adam to project an energy blast into him and kill him.

Revan manages to get out of the way of the flaming motorcycle heading towards him, just in time to slice the head off of Ghost Rider. He then manages to Force Leap onto the back of the AT-AT cut his way inside with his purple lightsaber and kill Jedi Master #2 before he even realizes that he was there. Bill picks up his Jedi buddy's lightsaber and ignites it, but is not successful in his attack on Revan. The AT-AT crashes to the ground as Revan leaps back out of it.

Martian Manhunter and Miss Martian are taking on Starlord, Rocket, and Groot with relative ease, when Apocalypse joins the fight proclaiming that he is “the most powerful mutant ever”. Franklin Richards hears this and says: “That's cute” as he mind-blocks Apocalypse killing him instantly. Without the help of Apocalypse, the remainder of the Guardians fall to the might of the Martians.

Franklin is pretty proud of himself after taking out Apocalypse, but hubris gets him as he doesn't see the huge foot of The Balrog crushing him.

Revan rejoins the battle, but is caught off guard by a red energy laced claw from Wolverine, who then moves in quickly and dispatches Miss Martian the same way. An infuriated John Johnz gets revenge by breaking the lantern ring and ripping Wolverine's head clean off.

As the battle comes to a close, the exhausted combatants from each side give one final push. The Son of Mortis delivers a force generated sword through the heart of King Kong, who was in the middle of squeezing the life out of Martian Manhunter.

Gandalf in a last ditch effort consumes the power of The Balrog of Moria that originally helped him gain his new found power as Gandalf the White in order to battle the combined powers of the Mortis family, as they easily dispatch Adam Warlock. Only Gandalf stands for the Striders against the Father, Son, and Daughter, and Havoc, who attempts to take cover behind a huge boulder. Gandalf channels the ancient power of both him and the Balrog and vanquishes the Force user in one massive explosion which kills them, but also powers up Havoc to capacity. Screaming in pain, Havoc must unleash the force he has absorbed and uses it blast the weakened Gandalf to pieces.....

House Elves vs Epicene Miniature Homonids

The House Elves:  Gandalf the Grey (w/ Elven Ring), Thor, Set, Bizarro Superman, Godzilla, Iron Man, Black Bolt, Medusa, Karnak, Gorgon, Triton, Crystal, Lockjaw, Maximus the Mad, The Unspoken, Colosus, Luke Skywalker (in Luke's Stealth x wing), Harry Potter  (on Quiddich Broom), Sandworm #1-#5, Juggernaut, Agent Smith, T-1000, Dumbledore, Corbin Dallas, Santa and his reindeer, and Seaworm #10

Epicene Miniature Homonids: Yoda (w/a White Lantern Ring), Magneto, Mr. Mxyztplk, Larfleeze (Agent Orange), Link, Neo, Omega Supreme, He-Man and Battle Cat, Thundercracker, Skywarp, Black Lantern Batman, The Combaticons (Onslaught, Brawl, Blast-Off, Swindle, and Vortex), Han Solo (pilot), Chewbacca (co-pilot), Peppy Hare (gunner), & Slippy Toad (rear gunner) in a Y-1300 Light Freighter, Lando Calrisean (pilot), Nien Numb (co-pilot), Lobot (gunner), & Alf (rear gunner) in The Outlaw, Gamera, Mighty Mouse, Emperor Palpatine w/ Royal Guard #1-2, Air Zonk w/ Power Dump and Astra, Quasar, Dean Cain in an AT-RT, Terri Hatcher (w/ a Power Ring and Star Wand).

A Brief History of the FFL

Many years ago an argument began between two combatants. Like so many fools before them, they each thought that they were the greatest warrior in the universe. They planned a fight to determine who the best was. Word spread of the fight, and soon others wanted in. Chaos spread throughout. Many believed themselves the champion but none lived long enough to gloat.

Amongst the chaos arose a man. This man referred to himself as the “Commish”. The “Commish” had a plan to bring order to the universe. He brought all of the combatants together by forming a “league”. In this “league” there were “schedules” and “playoffs”. The dead were even paid respects in the “graveyard”. Although no one could single handedly claim victory, they could be part of something that legitimately could make that claim. For the benefit of all, he brought peace through war.

That is the official story.

While most combatants are happily fighting for their team, hoping to win the first ever universe bowl, they are unware that they have been here before.

But what does this have to do with this week’s match? The playoff planet is the key to everything. This is where the strongest engage in the biggest battles. This is for all of the glory, nothing is held back. That is the playoff planet’s purpose, although it is not its entire purpose.

Some have become aware that this is not the league’s first incarnation. The great reset, as they have been told, was for the betterment of the league. Many prominent figures had fallen and some questioned if this was still truly the “best of the best” that were fighting. In the interest of strengthening the league, all were brought back and again given fair shot of becoming champions.

The Playoff Planet’s Basement

What is not talked about is what happened before the great reset. Although it can be difficult to see a teammate parish, it is understood that the fight is for the greater good and as such there will be inevitable losses.

There began a rise in reports of ghosts of fallen comrades. These ghosts only appeared on the playoff planet and were only ever those who had moved on to the “graveyard”.

While the time of their appearance and which team they reached out to vary greatly, their message was always the same. Their souls and powers had been harvested by something from within the planet, for a much more sinister motive. They anguished over having fought their battles and pleaded with their former teammates to stop.

Players began to question the league. Some became hesitant in battle, others deserted. Many questioned the decision to continue using the playoff planet and requested a full investigation into the planet. Why must the playoff planet ALWAYS be a death match when outside of the playoffs? The league was beginning to unravel.

Obviously, this is bad for business and as a solution the league was reset.

While there are many whispers around the league of its previous incarnation, none know for certain who is behind the playoff planet or what their motives are.

“Master Yoda, the enemy is approaching.” yells Neo, breaking Yoda’s concentration. “We need to get ready, they will be here soon.”

“More time I must have.” Replies Yoda. “Uncovered something more important than this battle, I have.”

Harry Potter and Dumbledore are gallivanting around on Harry’s Quiddich broom (I assume that is what those books/movies are about) when they are knocked off from lasers blasts by Skywarp and Thundercracker. Bizarro Superman, who is flying nearby, decides that rather than saving his falling teammates he will instead fly through the transformers. He then feels shots in his back as he sees Air Zonk, Power Dump, and Astra flying towards him. He uses his flame breath to incinerate the three.

Meanwhile, Han and company fly into the desert, followed closely by Lando’s crew, along with Dean Cain in his AT-RT

“Alright Chewie, let’s do this!” Han says as they take the Millennium Falcon er, I mean Y-1300 close to ground level. The sandworms begin popping out of the sand, narrowly missing their target. Peppy and Slippy begin gunning the sandworms behind them, while Alf and Lobot shoot them from the Outlaw. One by one the Sandworms fall dead into the sand.

“Yeah, we did it!” exclaims Han as he and Chewie celebrate. Just then another Sandworm pops out and consumes the Outlaw and everyone on board, as well as Dean Cain and his AT-RT.

“Who was counting?!” screams Han as the ship turns around and guns down the remaining sandworm.

“No time to mourn, we need to meet up with the others.” As they fly off.

Gamera and Quasar head out into the ocean. Gamera dives deep comes out with a seaworm in his hands. Quasar moves in to blast apart the seaworm. Both Quasar and Gamera turn as they hear the distinctive roar of Godzilla as he emerges from the water. Before either can do anything Godzilla unleashes his atomic ray disintegrating Quasar and blowing a hole through Gamera. Godzilla lets out another roar as he moves to regroup with his team.

The House Elves regroup.

“I’ve found the bunker they are hiding in.” Says Iron Man. “Follow me.”

As the House Elves approach they see Magneto standing alone, seemingly anticipating them.

“You can stop right there.” Says Magento

Rather than have one of those conversation that happen right before all of the action happens Iron Man tries to catch him off guard by zipping in for the attack. Magneto stops him only inches away.

“Valiant effort, Iron Man.” Magneto says before redirecting him back towards his team while launching all of his weapons at them. They take out Medusa, Gorgon, and Karnak while Iron Man explodes into Godzilla. Omega Supreme moves in on the damaged Kaiju finishing him off. Magneto's teammates emerge from the bunker quickly scattering and engaging the enemy.

Another one of Iron Man’s missiles nearly hits the Y-1300. Chewie lets out a roar and Han gets excited, until they hear Luke over the intercom.

“Han, old pal. I’m glad I got to see you before you died this time.” Says Luke just a moment before his proton torpedo blows up the Y-1300 and everyone inside.

Lockjaw doesn’t see any cats around so he skips a step in the circle of life and runs after might mouse, who becomes a mighty fine meal for him.

Santa lands his sleigh on the ground near He-man and Battle Cat. Battle Cat begins mauling the reindeer while He-man swings away at Santa, cutting off limbs and fatally wounding him. He-man looks down at the dead Santa and reindeer to see it coming together and reforming into a person who looks just like He-man. Catching him off guard T-1000 sticks his replicate straight into the heart of He-man.

From within his bunker, Yoda hears faints noises of explosions and gunfire as he slips back into his meditative state.

The key is at the beginning

The originators of the FFL were not just two random fighters as many think. They were in fact very calculated in their actions. While both are very skilled they knew that they would not be able to take on the universe themselves, it is simply too big with too many powerful beings. Instead, they manufactured and instigated fights amongst the others creating the chaos. They realized that others could do all of the work for them and they wouldn’t have to lift a finger.

“Tell me who they are, you must!” pleads Yoda

Who do you think would have the most to gain? Who are the two highest ranking members of this league?

“No, true it cannot be. The owners of these two teams. Lead us to death they would not.” Says Yoda

Actually, you are right.

“What?!?!” exclaims Yoda.

Mr. Mxyztplk appears out of nowhere.

“I’ve been making this up as I go.” Replies My Mxyztplk. “You sit there with such a serious face and listen intently to everything I say. I just couldn’t help it.”

“Why me? Your own teammate you have betrayed!” asks Yoda.

“Oh believe me, I tried Luke first. He wouldn’t listen, just wanted to run off and save his friends. You know about that, don’t you?”

“Yes!” exclaims Yoda as his light saber ignites through Mr. Mxyztplk.

“Oh, now that is good!” before his limp body falls to the ground.

Yoda runs outside to meet up with his team.

He sees destruction everywhere as he scans for survivors. In the distance he sees Luke landing his x-wing. Nearby he hears the maniacal laugh of Emperor Palpatine.

“Hahahahahaha! They will soon be done!” laughs Palpatine as Luke approaches.

“Luke, surrender you must. Outmatched you are. Let you go we will.” Says Yoda.

“Master Yoda, you know better than anyone that is not my nature.” Replies Luke as he ignites his light saber.

“Be done boy!” growls Palpatine as he shoots force lightning at Luke. At first Luke is able to handle it but quickly becomes overpowered convulses as he absorbs the massive shock.

There is a loud boom and a flash. The combatants are momentarily blinded and deafened. They see a crater where Palpatine previously stood. Next to the crater stands tall muscly man brandishing the finest hammer you’ve ever seen.

“Force lightning is weak!” bellows Thor as he hurls Mjolnir towards Yoda.

 As Yoda narrowly dodges the hammer Luke picks up light saber and swings it at Yoda. Yoda anticipates this and blocks his attack. He however did not anticipate Mjolnir’s return to Thor and it passes through him.

Thor flicks back his luscious golden locks, raises his massively muscled arms in the air, admires his beautiful hammer for a moment and then takes flight back to the locker room.