Wednesday, May 8, 2024

Week 8 - Meat Suits vs Redskins

 The Meat Suits are:

Mr. Hankey, Mr. Garrison, Airmen #1-20, Bruno Samartino, Cookie the Clown, King Henry II, Calvin Coolidge, Willow, Toadette, Elmo, Big Bird and Snuffaluffagus, Sandy of Sandy's, Lewis, Clark, and Sacagawea, Pee Wee Herman, Fred Rogers, The Sorceress of Castle Grey skull, Amazons #1-10, Refrigerator Perry, Big Jake and his Dog, Don Barzini, Ellie Satler Jules Winfield



The Washington Redskins are:

Yoda (w/ Dwarf Ring #4), Sinestro (w/ The White Lantern Ring)., Wolverine, Asajj Ventress, Chuck Norris (w/ The Houslander Family Katana) and Dobby in a Speeder. , Black Lantern #9 & 10., OA Guardian #2, Cybertronian Guardian #2, Wallabee #2



Naturally, Lewis and Clark are leading the Meat Suits on their expedition through Sherwood Forest. They have carefully kept their team hidden while they mapped the entire forest. That is the reason this match was late, it’s not my fault. They were preparing. Sacagawea reports back that the Redskins have just setup camp in a clearing nearby and have just been hanging out waiting for the match to start. She reports that scores of beer cans and cigar butts litter the area. 


Louis decides that it is finally time for the attack. Detailing the layout to the rest of the team, he sends squadrons down carefully assigned paths and they will be attacking in waves from different directions to try and gain the upper hand. When the teams are in position, the diplomats will head in first. But first, they need to eat and drink.


“Where is Sandy with the food and drink? We gave her our order days ago!” asks Lewis. Sandy, sticking soundly to the same training manual she provides her staff, gathered the orders and left. She will never return.


The Redskins hear a rustling in the woods and turn off the tape deck blaring GnR. Slowly walking towards them is King Henry II, Calvin Coolidge, Don Barzini, and Fred Rodgers. 


“Howdy, Neighbor!” says Mr. Rodgers politely just before Ventress throws her lightsaber through his chest. 


“Ayeee yo!!” cries Barzini. “I’m walkin here! That was as tasteless as my mother in law’s tomato sauce! Bippity Boppity. You a knocka thata out, capisce?”


“No” says Wolverine pouncing on him like a cat and cutting him into thin slices. Which is the opposite of how his mother in law cuts up garlic. (ayee yo whatta crime).


Lewis sees that negotiations were short and has the Sorceress of Castle Grey Skull sound some type of horn or something signaling wave two on the attack from the rear. It’s the large and in charge members of the team to tank and do some quick damage. Snuffy barrels into the crowd like it was a BLM rally and starts kicking and stomping. Wallabee is squished under his feet and the Cybertronian Guardian goes flying. Big Jake sics his dog on the cybertronian and with the help of the amazons, they finish him off. Wolverine pounces again and stabs his claws into the giant beast. Big Bird swoops in from the sky (of course he can fly) and picks up one of the black guardians and soars up. The BL vaporizes the bird in flight but is unable to right himself on the fall and lands on his neck and dies. Refrigerator Perry and Bruno Samartino come bumbling out of the woods but can do nothing when they see they are faced off against Sinestro.  


The horn sounds thrice this time and all squads pour in from the woods. Mr Hanky decides to eat his teammate toadette and by some magical powers of mario, he grows tremendously in size. It’s the second biggest pile of shit that Ellie Satler has been near. Sinestro takes a shot at Mr Hanky and he explodes and the mess is horrific. A whole bunch of poop got in the mouth of Ventress that she died of dysentery. 


Chuck Norris races around the clearing with Dobby on a speeder mowing down Willow and dozens of Airmen with the Houselander family katana. As his face is drenched in blood, he takes his shirt off and uses it to wipe the blood from his face so he can see again. He speeds off again and tosses the shirt to Dobby and says “Get rid of this!”.


“Master has given Dobby clothes! Dobby is FREEEEEE!” 


Dobby jumps from the moving scooter and collides with Pee Wee who was still standing in the bushes and not participating in battle. He appeared to be preoccupied staring at that sweet native american turdcutter that Sacagawea was flaunting. Regardless, they both are killed on impact. Chuck then loses control of the speeder and it blows up in a big ball of flames right where everyone is fighting (what a coincidence). Chuck had jumped to safety in just the knick of time and thats when the duke (Big Jake) spots him. The two of them proceed to participate in a fist fight so epic, that any man born before 1970 would instantly get an erection watching it. The fight went on so long that they both died of a heart attack. 


So we got fire burning and poop everywhere. Clown guts and yellow feathers still falling from the sky. But when the three remaining Redskins looked around at the carnage, they just decided to hit play on the tape deck, crack another cold one and go back to hanging out. 






Monday, May 6, 2024

Week 8 - Dolla 49 McRib vs Darkseid's Horsemen of Apokolips

Five Dollar Filet O’Fish: Blackfire, Optimus Prime, Roller, Combat Deck, Brachiosaurus #1-15, Dr. Alan Grant, Ronan the Accuser, The Fallen, Dead Men of Dunharrow #1-10


Lightside Followers of the New Age: Flash w/ Blue Lantern Ring, Superboy, Blockbuster, Nekron, Black Lantern #1-3, Indiana Jones, Paradoom #1-5


Ahh, yes, the forest of Robin Hood. We’ll have to spend this week over the pond hanging with some Brits that are in desperate need of some quality dentistry. When reading this match, imagine my portrayal to be an appropriation of a terrible British accent. Anyhow, on this Earth (Earth-9238562719836748273654387692), each of these characters are slight variations of their Earth-1 counterparts in that each of them are rubber duckys instead of human beings. I know what you’re thinking, “How can rubber duckys move on land? They have no legs.” And see, you’re right. But in this universe the laws of physics and nature are not the same as we know. Here, these rubber duckys can move without any apparent visual information that supports it. It’s almost as if they are able to fly, but only ~0.000001 nanometers off the ground. Now to be a rubber ducky, it’s in the name that you are made of rubber. Therefore, all these transformers, dinosaurs, aliens, humans, etc. are all made of the same malleable material. Don’t get me wrong, they still have their respective powers of sorts. Now that you get the logistics of it, that’s enough yapping, time for the match.


The McChickens (McRibs) have set up camp amongst the array of trees. It is the Pig Ladies (Horsemen) who take offensive action on the resting McDanks duckies. The dead men do not rest and thus were not caught off guard from the attack and were able to quickly counter the black lanterns. Although, their own demise occurred soon after from the paradooms. By this time, the brachiosauruses have awoken and start wreaking havoc across camp for both teams. Superboy is found going dino to dino as he struggles with taking down each of them without any rubber ducky arms, he’s more just ramming them… ayo. While Superboy is distracted, Blockbuster and Nekron advance onto the rubber transformers. It’s an awkward battle as both squads can only simply run into each other without being able to do hand to hand combat, but eventually Optimus is the last standing. Meanwhile, Indiana Jones whips Dr. Grant like it was a different century (he used the whip with his mouth considering he has no arms). After much energy is used, Superboy defeats the last dino.


Ronan and Blackfire go to attack Superboy while he was weak, but the rubber ducky Flash stops them. He zips so fast all around them and continually distracts them while Superboy soaks up the sun’s rays in between the cover of the trees. The paradooms come to help the Flash but are quickly dismantled by the duo. Flash keeps playing with them… ayo… until Superboy comes back and full speed flies through each of their bodies. Optimus does not stand for this (or at all because he’s a rubber ducky) and swipes through the rubber kryptonian with his sword-like beak. Following this, Indiana Jones steps up and whips Optimus’ beak so hard that it falls off. The Flash moves quickly and shoves the freehand Optimus beak back into its original owner.

Sunday, May 5, 2024

The League of Extraordinary Heterosexual Gentlemen Vs. The Sigmaz

 The League of Extraordinary Heterosexual Gentlemen is The Inhumans:  Black Bolt, Lockjaw, Medusa, Karnak, Maximus the Mad, & Triton, Parallax, Yellow Lantern #1A, Ancient Sith Lords #1-5, & Cobra Viper #1-4.


The Sigmaz are Snake Eyes w/ Wolf, Michael Myers, Jason Voorhies, Aragorn son of Arathorn, King Hiss, Bacchus, Pan, Warg Rider #1-5 atop Warg #1-5, Goblin #1 (w/ an AR-15), & Goblin #2-7.


Black Bolt, Snake Eyes, Cobra Viper #3, and Michael Myers sit down next to each other on a log to have a deep conversation.  

Just kidding, I just thought that would be a goofy way to start off the match.  It's your boy The Neon Master Pogo here.  It's Joshatu's week off, so when he got called in to write this week anyway, he decided to dust me off and throw me out in the woods instead.  I didn't bring any Off with Deet or anything either here to Sherwood Forest; but that Aight.  This one shouldn't be too long or have much dialogue in it to slow down the writing process, considering that a healthy number of the people in this match don't talk (as referenced by the opening joke for those who didn't get it).  Let's get to it.  

I am starting to see why Ol' Joshatu the Salty didn't feel like handling this one as I take a glance at today's starting  line up.  Without bothering to look up the rosters, all I know is that it is Week 8, these two teams are both still in a payoff race, and at the very least Odin, Goku, Martian Manhunter, and Superman are nowhere to be seen.  

Lockjaw teleports right next to Wolf and eats the smaller canine; but doesn't see the sleek ninja Snake Eyes stealthily approach and remove his head.  <Let's just kill the dogs early to trigger the pet lovers.>   

Medusa is the only woman in this match; so upon entering the woods, she chose the bear and was promptly eaten.   

Bacchus and Pan are getting kanga-rippin-rooed with Karnak, Maximus, and Triton who are completely butthoused at this point.  Like most of the old mythological tales of drunkedness, they all briefly forget that they are supposedly straight and start doing some messed up stuff after the wine starts hitting.  They then sober up, realizing what they did and let's just say that there is 41% chance that they all suicided themselves within a year.  

The Wargs and various types of Goblins are duking it out in a pretty fast-paced and fun to watch battle with The Ancient Sith Lords, when King Hiss from The Sigmaz and Parallax from the Gents join the party.  Goblin #1 in his last FFL Appearance goes ham with his AR and mows down Cobra Viper #1, 2, & 4, as well as Sith Lord #2 & 5.  Goblin #2 joins his homeboy Uno-Gob in final deathing but takes out the last Viper and Sith Lord #1.  The rest of the Sith Lords lightsaber up the other five goblins and then do the same to the five Warg/warg rider combo packs once Yellow Lantern #1A lends a hand after he yellow energy blasts Goblin #2.  Paralax manages to pick up the muscle bound King Hiss and use him as a human shield from the wild 7.62 x .39s flying out from the gat of my boi Uno-Gob and then uses the lifeless body of the Hissernator to send the notable item wielding common to the Graveyard.  Aragorn then appears out of the shadows like Rangers do best and manages to will his fears away like only the true king of men could as he takes up his sword and smites Parallax down.  Yellow Lantern #1A is shocked to see Parallax fall from the sword of a mere mortal; but the Dunadan proves that he is a bit more than mortal as he flings his Ranger Knife into the forehead of the Yellow Lantern from about five yards out.  Snake Eyes teams up the Returned King to match swords with the remaining two Lords of the Sith:  Darth Snus and Darth Zyn.  

To end this bout Micheal Myers and Jason Voorhies start brutally, violently, and gratuitously stabbing the crap out of Black Bolt; which makes The Inhuman Leader say:  "Ow".  Causing the two horror villains to blow up. 

Week 8 Staff Consortium: Naza vs. Doctor's Madhouse

 Naza: Avatar Kyoshi, Alucard, Red Hulk, Hercules, Monkey D. Luffy, Swamp Bender #1-3, Badger Mole #1-4

Doctor's Madhouse: Mok #1-10, Zorak, Black Widow, Brak, Creature King, Moltar, Metallus, Transit, and Lokar, Umman Kudu, Princess Irulan, Face Dancers #1-15, Princess Wensica, Dr. Frankenstein, Elf #1-10, Woodlen Elf #1-10, Troll #1-8, Hobbit #1-10, SHIELD Agent #1-10, HYDRA Agent #1-10, Gremlin #1-10, Stegosaurus #1-15, Martin Van Buren


Wednesday, May 1, 2024

Week 8 Democracy: Sigmas vs Scarlett Johansson and Bill Cosby's Skin Tight Leather Pantsed Trash Pandas

 Sigmas: Legolas, John Rambo, Earth Bender #1-5, The Witch King of Angmar, Melkor, Darkhawk, The Fear, Army Soldiers #1-6

Trash Pandas: The Bad Batch: Hunter, Crosshair, Wrecker, Echo, Tech, and Omega, Hawkeye, Avatar Roku, Old Man Willow, Nazghul #8 on his Mordor Horse, and Peregrin Took

Tuesday, April 30, 2024

The Underhills Vs. TEAM

 The Underhills are Blue Wizard #1-2, Radaghast the Brown (w/ a green lantern ring), Sauron (w/ The One Ring), Aule, Yavanna, & Ent #1


TEAM is Kyle Houslander, Justine and Curt Septer, Tom Bombadil, The Legion of Superheroes: Mon El, Triplicate Girl, Phantom Girl, Invisible Kid, Star Boy, & Lightning Lad, Katness Everdeen, Dragon #1, Huorn #1-4, Kryptonian #1A, Black Lantern Kryptonian, Black Lantern Yellow Lantern, Yellow Lantern #1-2, & The Shining Force: Diane, Hans, Lowe, Luke, Mae, Pelle, Tao, Torasu, Alef, Gong, Bokken, & Anri.

Sunday, April 28, 2024

2024 Week 7 - Sigmaz vs Pandaz

Sigmaz: Joker, Bullseye, Jesse Quick, Spawn, Magus, Ronald McDonald, Grimace, Hamburglar, Officer Big Mac, Mayor McCheese, Birdie the Early Bird, Captain Crook, The Professor, Fry Kid #1-3, Samus, Megaman, Rush, Shredder, Tokka, Razhar, Fugitoid, Traag, Altair Pandaz: Emperor Palpatine, Darth Bane, Zaheer, Ghazan, P’Li, Ming-Hua, Voltron, Black Hand, Avatar Roku, Black Lantern #1 What’s popping, it’s ya boi… the Doc. We’re taking a detour over to HIVE’s second campus located underwater. Apparently, the 1st campus is too uppity for Pandaz fireball drinking degens. Anyhow, Pandaz and Sigmaz respective teams meetup in the underwater launchpad. From there it’s an all out brawl, except for the mcdanks crew who are too busy stuffing their face with god’s rear ended excretions. First to advance from Pandaz is the red phallic shaped weapon wielders… pause. Regardless of their questionable sexual intentions, they start going ham on Sigmaz. It doesn’t take long for Megaman, Shredder, Tokka, Fugitoid, and Traag to fall to the might of the absoluters. But Megaman's trusty sidekick, Rush, is spared because while the two Pandaz are horrific murderers, they are not monsters who kill dawgs. The Emperor attempts to continue his advance but faces the Joker who laughs, “I, too, am an emperor, in another life,” as he shoots a shot through the old wrinkly sucker’s head. Bane… I wonder if he does what his name says… avenges his compadre and beheads the maniac… MANIAC MANIAC. The dark lord retreats to the rest of the Pandaz as the Sigmaz makes an advance. Bullseye sends shots towards the Pandaz… dude’s as accurate as Green Arrow or Hawkeye or a lot of people with the same power… and finds his mark in the center of P’Li’s forehead, but her tattoos are like big bullseyes for Bullseye to shoot a bullseye on so like he had to hit the bullseye. With even faster speed than the bullets, Jesse Quick walks at mach a billion or something through Black Hand. Although, she is blinded by the gore of off-white feet and doesn’t see the red flashlight decapitate her. Meanwhile, Altair has been sneaking up to Black Lantern #1 and quietly muffles his moans… pause… as he puts a knife in his back. Bane… ayo… yet again counters Sigmaz with a snip snap snip snap of Altair. Finally, Spawn has had enough of the weird tattooed eyes dude and his red rocket… pause… so he magics his ass and Bane is no more. Across the way is Voltron cramped into the corner, who witnesses his compatriot die without logical explanation. He spins, turns, and falls over on top of Spawn and Samus, while also taking out Zaheer. Luckily, Voltron just missed Razhar… while he is a wolf, it’s close enough to dawg status so that boi lives… and he escapes into the night with Rush. Magus sees the large metallic foe and attempts to destroy him. After some crazy shizz, Voltron explodes while killing Magus, but also breaks the glass that encapsulates this school. With the integrity of the school collapsing, water rushes into the facility. The force of the flooding is too much for anyone but the water benders to handle, and with that we just sit and stare and watch everyone else drown.

FFL 2024: Week 7 Dolla 49 McRib vs. NAZA

Dolla 49 McRib: Wonder Woman, Blackfire, Blue Beetle, Steppenwolf, Doomsday, Cyborg, Lady DeadPool, Dr.Fate, 8 Green Martians, and 3 White Martians


NAZA: Avatar Kyoshi, Meelo, Changeling (Beast Boy), Killer Frost, Hush, Vegeta, Lady Jessica, Fedaykin #1-5, Venom, Red Hulk, Hercules (Marvel), Sub-Zero, and Eternian Soldier #5


In this match we start out with NAZA eating their dinner in the HIVE Academy Cafeteria while the McRibs are sneaking around the HIVE Academy looking for their enemies.


Wonder Woman is leading the McRibs through the halls as Cyborg uses his cybernetic abilities to do a thermal scan of the building. A beep goes off in Cyborg’s arm and Cyborg says to Wonder Woman “Diana, they’re in the cafeteria”. “Good, they’ll be easy to attack in there.” says Wonder Woman. Diana calls out orders for the McRibs “Blackfire and Dr. Fate, go outside and attack the cafeteria from the sky. Blue Beetle, Cyborg, Lady DeadPool and the Martians go to the back cafeteria door. Steppenwolf and Doomsday, you'll attack with me from the front door. On my call we’ll all attack at the same time.” Cyborg gives a walkie talkie to Wonder Woman and Black Fire. 


The McRibs get into position and Wonder Woman calls through the walkie talkie “We’ll go on 3, team. 1…2…3!” Blackfire and Dr. Fate uses their energy projection powers to blast through the roof. Cyborg uses his blaster on his arm to open the back door and Doomsday runs through the front door. NAZA is caught with their pants down and the McRib’s take advantage of it. Blackfire and Dr. Fate takes out Meelo, the Fedaykin and Eternian Soldier. Doomsday’s charge through the door takes out the table closest to the door as well. Lady Jessica and Hercules were sitting on that table. Doomsday’s charge trampled Lady Jessica and knocked Hercules on his ass. Cyborg shoots a blast from his arm as he enters but Killer Frost and Sub-Zero put up an ice wall to block the blast. Blue Beetle shots another blast and hits Hush, blowing him to bits.


Though the McRibs caught NAZA off guard, NAZA is not gonna go down without a fight. Avatar Kyoshi uses her fire bending to kill the Martians. Red Hulk goes on a rampage and rips Cyborg in half and then tackles Steppenwolf. Red Hulk rips the arms off of Steppenwolf and then gets in full guard position on Darkseid’s side kick and punches his face until it’s just a mound of flesh and blood. As Red Hulk stands up from his pounding, Doomsday hits him with a mean right hook, knocking Red Hulk in the air through multiple walls of the HIVE Academy. Doomsday walks away thinking he took out the angry beast but he was mistaken as a loud yell is heard echoing through the school. Doomsday turns around and sees Red Hulk charging at him. Red Hulk is running full speed at Doomsday and jumps to throw a flying fist at Doomsday. A loud boom is heard but Doomsday is still standing tall as he caught Red Hulk’s punch with his fist, before Red Hulk could even react Doomsday grabbed Red Hulk by the head and snapped his neck. Hercules, being the olympian hero he is, tries to get revenge for Red Hulk but Doomsday is too powerful and handles him with ease.


While that was happening, Lady DeadPool attacks Sub-Zero who puts up a good fight but eventually loses the battle. Lady DeadPool then cracks a joke about Sub-Zero that I’m not smart enough to write. Before she can go to attack anyone else, Venom stabs his symbiote arms through her back and then expands them through every fiber of her body, exploding her into a million pieces. Blue Beetle retaliates quickly though as he uses his sound manipulation ability on his suit to blast Venom with a super sonic blast, killing the symbiote.


Beast Boy turns into a pterodactyl to try and take out Blackfire and Dr. Fate but he didn’t stand a chance as Black Fire hits him with an energy blast, killing him. Killer Frost and Avatar Kyoshi make a good team and use their water bending and frost abilities to take out Dr. Fate and Darkfire. Though their small victory is short lived, as Wonder Woman and Blue Beetle team up to take them out. Wonder Woman uses her agility and quickness to dodge all of Kyoshi’s bending attacks and stabs her through the chest. Blue Beetle overpowers Killer Frost's abilities and uses the claws on his suit to cut her with multiple cuts until she slowly bleeds to death.


Vegeta is all that’s left standing for the NAZA while Wonder Woman, Blue Beetle, and Doomsday are left for the McRib’s. Though Vegeta is outnumbered, he is not outnumbered in heart. He goes into Super Saiyan mode as Blue Beetle and Wonder Woman charge him. His Super Saiyan mode makes him quicker than Wonder Woman and dodges her attacks with ease. He retaliates with an uppercut that knocks her up in the air, then hitting her with a Mortal Kombat style combo until eventually she is killed from the brutal beatdown. Blue Beetle tries to avenge his leader but it is to no avail as Vegeta basically does the same exact thing to him.


Vegeta goes for the three-peat on Doomsday. He gets into a squatted, athletic stance and yells “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” at super sonic levels and then projects a Super Saiyan level energy blasts at Doomsday. A large smoke cloud is all that can be seen of Doomsday, but then as the smoke begins to disperse, a glowing silhouette can be seen. Once the smoke disappears, you can see Doomsday standing there, glowing as bright as the sun. Vegeta yells “HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE! I’VE NEVER THROWN AN ENERGY BLASTS THAT POWERFUL BEFORE AND SEE SOMEONE SURVIVE IT!”


Doomsday doesn’t say a word and shoots an energy blast twice as powerful as Vegeta’s. Like Vegeta's, a large smoke cloud appears, but it doesn’t have the same result. once the smoke disperses you can see Vegeta’s lifeless body laying there.


The Doctor's Madhouse Vs. TEAM

 The Doctor's Madhouse is Nightwing, Aqualad, Kid Flash, Donna Troy, Ursa, Batman (w/ a Kryptonite Batsuit), Robin (Damien Wayne), Alfred (w/ double yellow lightsaber), Batgirl (Babs), Batgirl (Betty), Red Tornado, Capt. America, Daxomite #1-4, Meta-Human #1-2.


TEAM is The Legion of Superheroes: Mon El, Triplicate Girl, Phantom Girl, Invisible Kid, Star Boy, Lightning Lad, DC Thor, The Shining Force: Max, Adam, Amon, Balbaroy, Diane, Earnest, Hans, Ken, Khris, & Pelle, Soundwave w/ Rumble, Frenzy, Ravage, Ratbat, Overkill, Slugfest, Squawktalk, Beastbox, Garboid, Glit, Enemy, & Howlback.  Soundblaster w/ Flip Sides, Sundor, Auto-Scout, & Ravage Clones #1-3, Katara, Sokka, Toph, Appa, Momo, Zachary Houslander, & Jump City Police Officer #1.


Both squads are transported to the site of battle, enter through separate, secret entrances and are locked inside for a battle to the death.  Both squads are not in a hurry to find each other as they both have plans to set up shop inside the school to gain an upper hand.  

To focus on TEAM first: Appa, despite not technically being the largest member of TEAM's squad does not have the transforming and shifting abilities of others and gets caught in a hallway in the way in and was killed by HIVE Academy counter measures coming out of the walls.  A young Zachary Houslander makes his first appearance in a match this season after going through the extensive and rigorous TOCS training (TEAM. Officer. Candidate. School.).  A bit disappointed and offended by his station, Zack (or some call him Zach) thought that he would be going into today as a Colonel after he excelled at every point in his training; but instead he was granted the rank of Captain.  He knew he would be under the command of Max and Soundwave with their own troops directly under them; but he was not happy to see Sokka being named Colonel for this mission and even Chuck the veteran Jump City Police Officer being granted the rank of Major simply for being older and having more field experience than the young graduate Zachary.  Mon El and his Legion of Superheroes are acting as an elite strike force to jump into action wherever needed.  

The Madhouse squad enter through a different entrance; but one of their top fighters Ursa is overcome by pain.  And not just pain, but agony, along with a physical, mental, and emotional weakness.  Ursa drops to her knees and then falls onto her side.  Her eyes grow wide and then are overtaken by a cold stillness as she dies before the match begins.  Most of the Madhouse members are clueless to what is happening until Alfred Pennyworth turns to his employer and states what should have been much more obvious:  "Perhaps the Kryptonite Suit was a bad call, when our star player was a Kryptonian Master Wayne".

Batman, usually known for his prepping skills is ashamed at his mistake; but knows that they still have a battle to win.  Captain America, knowing what is at stake and knowing what it is to lose a soldier speaks up and orders their squad to take their positions.  "We don't have time for sorrow or regret soldiers.  Walk it off".  Says Rogers.  

Aqualad recalls the layout of The HIVE Academy from his time there and takes point along with Cap.  They first make their way into the large cafeteria, where they come across Soundblaster.  The black, metal radio stands alone in the center of the cafeteria; but then transforms into his large robot form.  Sometimes referred to as the brother of Soundwave and sometimes a clone; Soundblaster is surrounded by The Madhouse Squad.   The Madhousers work in unison to bring down the large Decepticon, who manages to catch Meta-Human #2 with a deadly laser blast to the chest, before their combined attacks from every possible angle destroy him.

"I guess, the bigger they are, the harder they fall".  Says Damien Wayne in victory.

"He didn't eject a single cassette.  He had no back-up whatsoever".  Says Batman in reply.

"What's your point Bats"??  Asks Barbara Gordon.

Batman replies sternly:  "Point is, that that was a diversion.  This TEAM still has a lot more to hit us with".

TEAM's spies especially Laserbeak and Buzzsaw have reported back to their leadership with a rundown of who exactly is a part of The Madhouse squad.  Their TEAMplan is to get The Madhouse into the large combat training area where they can take advantage of their numbers and surround The Doctor's Madhouse.  But The Madhouse has plans of their own and moves to cut off TEAM in the counselor's office area before they can all regroup.  The Doctor's crew all stick together and when they venture into the administrative area they find themselves confronted with some of the more powerful TEAMmembers.  Max has about half the Shining Force with him along with Zachary and Thor.  The Madhouse members know that if they can cut off this elite group than they can keep TEAM from regrouping and then overtake them in the inevitable Danger Room Showdown that we all know will take place.  

DC Thor is surprised to see his Hammer not send Captain America directly into the ground after he blocks it with his shield, providing cover for the four Daxomites to jump in and try to overpower Thor.  Kid Flash rushes in to try and make Thor swing and miss, while the Daxomites try to level the lord of midgard with concrete breaking punches.  Batgirl dropkicks Zack to temporarily push him out of the fight, while Alfred ignites his Double Yellow Lightsaber from both sides.  Max one ups the former MI6 Butler and uses The Sword of Light to cast Bolt 2, taking out both Pennyworth and Bette Kaine Batgirl.  Aqualad and Nightwing join the fight against The Mighty Thor who has managed to kill two of the Daxomites but the god eventually falls to the might of The unified Madhouse.  Earnest the Knight earnestly tries to grab the hammer of Thor as he swiftly runs by but he realizes that he cannot budge the weapon as the weight of it sends all four of the centaur's legs tripping over themselves.  He is then taken out by a batarang to the throat.  Max, along with Zach knowing that they must regroup with the rest of TEAM in the training area, breaks plan and  rushes over to try and heal Thor with his white ring; but it is too late.  The Shining Force leader is caught by a flurry of punches from Donna Troy that send his dead body to the ground next to Earnest and Thor.  Zack dives over the bodies of his TEAMmates in an attempt to grab the Sword of Light that has fallen from the hands of Max before he falls to the same fate at the hands of the hands of Donna Troy.  Zachary reaches over the bodies of his fallen friends, grabs the handle of the weapon and blindly swings it to the right in the direction of Donna Troy.  The body of the amazon goes flying out of sight, which is a result that surprises Zack.  Zach looks down at his hand expecting to see the sword he thought he had picked up; but instead in his hand sees a large hammer with a barely visible inscription reading "Whomsoever holds this hammer, if he be worthy; shall possess the power of Thor"......  Zack picks up the Sword of Light with his left hand, not even aware that that weapon can only be wielded by a swordsmen turned Hero and orders the few remaining men to move so they can attempt to regroup with their TEAMmates before it is too late.  

As they enter into the arena, Zach sees that every member of The Madhouse is tactically perched from areas of high ground and advantage, while TEAM has their backs against the solid side wall.  Mon El speaks for the Legion when he looks to his chain of command.  First to Sokka, and then a glance to Officer Chuck.  But eyes turn to Zachary Houslander instead when Sokka and Chuck simultaneously utter the words:  "Call it Cap".

Zach stands in front of his TEAMmates with Mjonir in one hand and the Sword of the Light in the other and bellows the command:  

"TEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAM...........  TOGETHER".

They rush into the fray in what will certainly be the final skirmish to end this battle.  

Both TEAMS make a MADHOUSE of the room as small battles erupt into larger ones.  Red Tornado leads the remaining Daxomites and Meta-Human against The Legion of Super-Heroes, while Aqualad squares off against Katara in a random pool that I just now noticed was there to make every 90s-early 2000s kid go crazy in that anime; but no quite anime kind of fight that everyone loves so much.  Captain America and Kid Flash join the Bat-Family to surround Soundwave just like they did against Soundblaster; but Soundwave opens his chest and calls for all twenty cassettes to eject, including the ones that were supposed to be with Soundblaster, exactly as Batman had predicted and feared.  Sokka, Toph, and Momo enter the fray as Sokka matches blades with Damien Wayne while being assisted by Garboid and Howlback.  Batman is met one on one by Enemy who manages to hold his own against Bruce Wayne way longer than their skill set would initially suggest, exactly like the Decepticon is programmed to do.  Bats does eventually manage to evade his attacks and nasty demeanor and scramble his spark with some utility belt precision.  Kid Flash punches through the face of Major/Officer Chuck, but is at least temporarily thrown off balance by the pounding seismic attacks of Toph, Rumble and Frenzy.  Squawktalk and Beastbox merge to form Squawkbox and do battle with Nightwing, while Batgirl and Cap find themselves surrounded by a dozen Cassettes occupying the ground and air.  

  Soundwave assesses the situation, and aims his energon cannon, loaded with an electric pulse into the water area, to disrupt the pitched battle taking place in the wet.  Soundwave knows that he must take out Aqualad.  He also knows that this action will kill Katara as well, a detail he will deny later to the TEAM front office.  Soundwave takes the shot.

Mon El matches daxomitian fists and gains the upper hand against the other two Daxomites, while Lightning Lad lights up Meta-Human #1.  Red Tornado takes out Triplicate Girl, Triplicate Girl, and Triplicate Girl before making short work of The Invisible Kid as well.  

Sokka takes advantage of the diversion being provided by his TEAMmates Howlback and Garboid and proves himself the better swordsmen (at least today) than Damien.  He runs the son of Batman through; but young Wayne pulls out some sort of explosive battech with his dying breath to blow up the pair of secret police cassettes.  

Nightwing, via a mix of martial arts, acrobatics, and perfectly timed weapons attacks is able to not only take out the mini gestalt Squawkbox; but also keeps the fight going as he becomes increasingly surrounded by more and more Decepticon Cassettes.  Batgirl rushes in to join Nightwing, as they try their best to gain the attention of as many Cassettes as possible, knowing that Batman is attempting to take out Soundwave himself.  Batman manages to plant several Batbombs on the much larger Soundwave while avoiding both his lasers and brute force swings, while Nightwing and Batgirl put on a clinic of acrobatic excellence to take out Slugfest, Sundor, Laserbeak, Ratbat, and The Autoscout.  Nightwing eventually falls from a laser gun blast to the head from Flip Sides and Batgirl to being mauled by Ravage and his three clones; but not before Batman is able to hit his detonator to blow Soundwave apart in just the right places.  

While Red Tornado faces Mon El approaching from his high left, he also must defend himself against Lightning Lad and the rest of The Legion coming at him from his low right.  Red Tornado briefly turns invisible and deflects the attacks of both Star Boy and Phantom Girl to take them both out of the equation; but he then locks into a grapple with Mon El.  The futuristic Superboy and leader of The Legion begins brutally ripping parts off of the living tornado/android; but Red Tornado manipulates the inside air into a fierce wind and uses his aerokinesis to spin Mon El beyond the point of tolerance causing the Daxomite to join him in death.  

Kid Flash rushes at the remaining members of The Shining Force, who are now being led by Captain Zack.  Kid Flash bashes the somewhat useless Adam to scrap metal, while grabbing Balbaroy and his wife Amon by the wings and pulling them both down to the concrete at break neck speed.  Diane and Hans try to take him out with their arrows; but even with their terrific aim are not able to hit the speedster, who directs their arrows back at them.  The knights Ken and Pelle take some damage from the Flash sidekick; but are healed by Khris and her Aura spell.  Flash comes back at the full health trio and takes them out with a flurry of speed force punches before Zachary is able to slow him down with a lightening blast and hit him with a quick bonk and slash combo from the sword of light and Mjonir.  

Batman avenges the death of his son by jamming a batarang into the jugular of Sokka.  Steve Rogers finds himself taken completely off balance from the relentless attacks on the ground beneath his feet by Toph, Rumble, and Frenzy; but despite this is still able to take out Glit, Flip Sides, and two of The Ravage Clones before being overtaken by the highly skilled movers of earth and metal around him, while his partner Mr. Wayne is able to destroy the last remaining Ravage Clone and Buzzsaw before being blasted by Lightning Lad and devoured by Overkill.  

Saturday, April 27, 2024

David Byrne's Meat Suits Vs. The League of Extraordinary Heterosexual Gentlemen

 David Byrne's Meat Suits are Scarlet Witch, Quicksilver, Atrocitus, Hal Jordan, Omnius, One Punch Man, The Comedian, Nite Owl, Silk Spectre (w/ purple lightsaber), Ozymandias, Rorshach (w/ orange lightsaber), Deadpool, Mr. Hankey, & Mr. Garrison.


The League of Extraordinary Heterosexual Gentlemen are Brother Blood, Jynx, Gizmo, Mammoth, Kid Wykkid, See-More, Batman Beyond, Green Arrow, Black Canary, Owl Man, Talon, Black Bolt, Lockjaw, Medusa, Triton, Vampire Blue Lantern, Yellow Lantern #1A, & Energy Bender #1.

Wednesday, April 24, 2024

Week 7 Consortium: Washington Redskins vs Sigmas

Redskins: Yoda (w/ Dwarf Ring #4), Black Lantern Larfleeze (w/ The Orange Lantern Ring), Asajj Ventress, Usagi Yojimbo, Chuck Norris (w/ The Houslander Family Katana), Yaddle (w/ Dwarf Ring #7), Mandalore the Great (w/ The Dark Saber (Last Life), Bat-Mite (w/ Dwarf Ring #6), Dobby, Asami, Black Lantern Mandalorian (Last Life), Black Lantern Xenomorph, Krillin, Ocean's 11: Danny Ocean, Frank Catton, Robert Ryan, Reuben Tishkoff, Virgil Malloy, Turk Malloy, Livingston Dell, Bashar Tarr, Yen, Saul Bloom, and Linus Caldwell, and Wallabee #5



Sigmas: Gurney Hallack, Moneo Atreides, Lord Zed, Ki Adi Mundi, Qui Gon Jin, The Huntress, Melkor, Morpheus, and The Blob

Democracy Week 7: The Underhills Vs. Darkseid's Horsemen of Apokolips at The HIVE Academy

 The Underhills are General Zod, Matrix (Supergirl), Raven, Kyle Rayner, Jay Garrick, Spider-Man, Miguel O'Hara (w/ green lantern ring) aamd Pro Bender #1 & 2.


Darkseid's Horsemen of Apokolips are Darkseid, Agent Smith (w/ 2 white lightsabers), He-Man and Battle Cat, The Flash (w/ blue lantern ring), Red Hood and The Outlaws:  Red Hood, Starfire, & Arsenal, Red Robin (w/ 2 ninja swords), and Apocalypse.  

Tuesday, April 23, 2024

The Horsemen vs TEAM in da Milky Way (not da candy bar)

The cosmic arena crackled with anticipation as two formidable teams faced off, each brimming with power and determination. On one side stood The Horsemen led by the malevolent Ultron wielding the Infinity Gauntlet, flanked by Supergirl, Darkseid, Orion, Superboy, Megatron, The Eradicator, Nekron, three Black Lanterns, and Grand Admiral Thrawn in his sleek B-Wing.

Across from them, TEAM, led by the colossal Unicron, accompanied by Primus, Ego, Thor, Space Ghost, Jan, Jace, Blip, Phantom Cruiser, Alex Houslander with the Super Scope 6, Tripticon, Kryptonion #1a, a Black Lantern Kryptonian, a Black Lantern Yellow Lantern, and two Yellow Lanterns.

The clash erupted with thunderous force as powers collided and energies surged. Ultron, his red eyes ablaze with cosmic fury, unleashed the full might of the Infinity Gauntlet, warping reality itself to his will. Supergirl streaked through the chaos, her fists blazing with righteous anger, while Darkseid's Omega Beams lanced through the galaxy, seeking out their targets with precision. Orion, Superboy, and The Eradicator fought with unwavering determination, their combined might shaking the very foundations of the battlefield.

Meanwhile, Nekron and his Black Lanterns wove a sinister dance of death, their dark energies sapping the life force from their opponents, while Grand Admiral Thrawn orchestrated tactical strikes from his B-Wing, striking at the heart of TEAM’s defenses with surgical precision.  Taking out Space Ghost, Jan, Jace, and Blip in the phantom cruiser.

On the opposing side, Unicron, the embodiment of destruction, loomed ominously,his dark presence casting a shadow over the battlefield. Primus, Ego, and Thor fought valiantly, their powers clashing with those of their adversaries in a dazzling display of cosmic might. Taking down Superboy and Supergirl.

Amidst the chaos, Alex Houslander wielded the Super Scope 6 with deadly accuracy, picking off targets with precision from a distance. Tripticon, towering over the battlefield, unleashed devastation upon The Horsemen, his massive form wreaking havoc amidst their ranks. And amidst the chaos of battle, the Black Lantern Kryptonian and the Yellow Lanterns added their own dark powers to the fray, their malevolent energies sowing further discord and destruction.  Engulfed in the destruction was Orion and Nekron.

As the battle raged on, the casualties mounted on both sides, with heroes and villains alike falling in the heat of combat. Powers clashed, energies surged, and the very fabric of reality seemed to tremble under the strain of the conflict.

The Milky Way is shaking at its core with the ensuing battle.  Unicron and Primus focus their destruction on the sinister Ultron.  Before they could carry on to Ultron they had to battle Megatron.  The chaos ensues and Unicron and Primus come out on top.

The Horsemen are down to the final members with Ultron, Darkseid, The Eradicator and Grand Admiral Thrawn.  “There ain’t no quit in this dawg” says Ultron

Ultron with the power of the Infinity Gauntlet unleashes a galaxy-shaking blast at Unicron and Primus.  The sheer destruction has TEAM shaken to its core. The Lanterns of TEAM were caught in the destruction leaving TEAM on the brink of death.

Ego the planet has Ultron fighting for his life. 

Thor and Tripticon hold the line of defense while facing the blasts of Darkseid and The Eradicator.  The God of Thunder and transformer appear to be too much for The Eradicator sending what’s left of him into the abyss of space.

Ultron arises victorious with his battle against Ego.  The infinity gauntlet is to power for a planet to withstand.  With his eyes ablaze, the raging Ultron moves at the speed of lighting to unleash chaos on TEAM.  The determination of Ultron is unwavering.  Tripticon was the first casualty of the chaos that ensued.

The clashing of lightning in space from the God of Thunder fills the destruction of this battle.  He heaves Mjolnir towards Thrawn.  The speed of Mjolnir is too much for the B-Wing.  The crashes of destruction echo through the Milky Way Galaxy.

Ultron, empowered by the Infinity Stones, reshapes the battlefield with a mere thought. Space warps, time bends, and reality twists at his command. Thor, undeterred by the cosmic forces at play, charges forward with determination. A blinding flash of light engulfs the battlefield as Ultron unleashes the full power of the Infinity Stones. The very fabric of reality trembles under the such immense power. Taking out both Thor and his teammate Darkseid.

The League of Extraordiary Heterosexual Gentlemen Vs. The Sigmas

 The League of Extraordinary Heterosexual Gentlemen is Superman, Commander Ahsoka in her Starfighter, General Kenobi in a Geonosian Starfighter, Sky Lynx, Master Mold, King Beerus, Jason Bourne (w/ death note), Homelander, Darth Malgus, & Beast Wars Megatron.


The Sigmas are Smaug, IG-12, Mon-Starr, Zon Nooret, King Manwe, Varda, Tulkas, Nessa, Black Dwarf, Supergiant, Sleepwalker, & Iceman & Slider in a F-15.

Monday, April 22, 2024

Week 6: NAZA vs The Underhills

 

The Underhills are: General Zod, Matrix (Supergirl), Mogo, John Stewart, Kyle Rayner, Starkiller in Anakon’s Starfighter, Revan Reborn in TIE Silencer, Aerialbots: (Silverbolt, Skydive, Fireflight, Slingshot, Air Raid), Jedi Knight Guardian #1 in X-Wing, Jedi Knight Guardian #2 in Resistance X-Wing, Jedi Knight Guardian #3-4 in Hounds Tooth, Jedi Knight Guardian #5 in Resistance X-Wing, Jedi Knight Guardian #6-9 in ID-4 Attacker, Jedi Knight Guardian #10 in B-Wing


NAZA are: Admiral Ackbar in Home One with Crew, Admiral Ozzell in Star Destroyer with Crew, Admiral Piett in the Executor with Crew, Mr. Mxyzptlk, Hyperion, Annihilus, The Starjammers in their ship (Corsair, Ch'od, Cr'reee, Korvus, Sikorsky, Raza Longknife, Hapzibah), Omniman, Legend's Luke (w/Blue lantern ring) with R2D2 in Luke's X-wing, Joe Louis (w Green Lantern Ring), Kyle Katarn in Raven's Claw,  Boba Fett with Cad Bane in The Marauder, Zombie Yellow Lantern,  Ugluk

 


AI isn’t winning any spelling bees

 

A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away...

 

That’s a lie, it’s in this galaxy and it’s happening right now. I think by now people have realized that Star Wars is just revisionist history. I mean this Luke guy assassinates the emperor leaving the empire in shambles, kills his own father, and destroyed two very expensive, fully operational space stations, killing countless innocent people in the process. Somehow he is the hero?



 

Luke spots Mogo and leads his team into battle. On his way towards the planet he takes out several much weaker Jedi Knights.

 

Boba Fett and Cad Bane are doing a little pregame in the Maurader.


I believe Yans are a form of space Zyn. Cad Bane is wearing Boba’s spare beskar mask to enhance the experience.

 

Meanwhile, Green Lantern Joe Louis is enjoying both being alive again and floating through outer space:

 

As NAZA approaches Mogo the battle escalates quickly. The Underhills ambush NAZA from all sides. Admiral Ackbar states the obvious.



 

General Zod blasts his way through the Star Destroyer.



 

For some reason he was rendered black, probably because he stole superman’s costume.

 

While everyone is locked in battle, Luke lands on Mogo and takes out some supplies.


The battle is quite hectic, it’s hard to tell what exactly is going on. So many lasers, missiles, punches being thrown.




There even appears to be many characters from other teams in the league, as well as some Darth Vader/Batman Hybrid.



It turns out this was an illusion created by Mr. Mxyzptlk, which ended as Matrix punched his hat off.  Luckily he had on a backup hat.

 


The fights rages on when suddenly Mogo explodes.



 

Having accomplished his mission, Luke Skywalker zips out in his x-wing, knocks one back, and enters hyperspace to an unknown location where he will spend the next decade as a hermit.

 


Space debris and dead bodies litter the space where a battle once thrived. Among the wreckage Zombie Yellow Lantern searches for survivors.



I think he was Shazam or perhaps The Flash in his previous life? That’s a story for another day. He finds Kyle Rayner and John Stewart who are just beginning to regain consciousness after the explosion. He attempts to bite into them but his bubble helmet prevents him from doing so.  The green lantern duo awaken and use their powers to defeat the zombie.

 

They search through what remains for survivors but cannot find any. They realize it is just the two of them left, alone together at last.