Season 9, Week 8 Match: Layanderletson's Super Orange Kitties and Cats Living Together to Make a New Family vs. John and Vader's House of Sith Aids

“Now his life is full of wonder but his heart still knows some fear,
Of a simple thing he cannot comprehend;
Why they try to tear the mountains down to bring in a couple more,
More people, more scars upon the land.”

            “Rocky Mountain High,” John Denver

I look upon the teams which will do battle in this Season 9, Week 8 Match located on Kepler 438B.  They are as follows:

Layanderletson's Super Orange Kitties and Cats Living Together to Make a New Family: Zoom, Vision, Thor, Red Hulk, Nightcrawler, Godzilla and Power Girl.

John and Vader’s House of Sith Aids: Thanos, Terminus, Padawan Anakin Skywalker, Boba Fett, Jaina Solo and Yellowjacket. 

Let the battle begin. . .

Boba Fett soars above the craggy wasteland of Kepler 438B.  The bounty hunter looks to the ground and notices a huge crater beneath him.  He loses himself in his thoughts as they fade to a previous time when he almost died in the maw of the Sarlaac on Tatooine.   Fett screams as he awakes and is nearly engulfed in another gaping row of teeth – this time owned by Godzilla.  Fett barely escapes death at the mouth of the giant lizard, only to be smacked open-handed by Power Girl.  Power Girl’s strike rips Fett’s helmet off.  Power Girl then smashes Fett’s face in and feeds his lifeless body to Godzilla. 

A brimstone smell is emitted in the air as a loud BAMF is heard.  Nightcrawler teleports next to Padawan Anakin Skywalker.  Nightcrawler gains the upper hand over the young knight since Skywalker’s Force skills are not yet fully realized.  Nightcrawler bamfs over-and-over, repeatedly pummeling Anakin with precise strikes against key body locations.  His head disrupted and his body in pain, Anakin fails to reach into the Force before his neck is snapped by the X-Men team member.  As the snap of neck cartilage is heard, the snap-hiss of an ignited lightsaber is also heard.  Nightcrawler looks down and sees the blade of Jaina Solo emitting through his chest.  Nightcrawler slumps to the ground, dead.   

Godzilla trudges across the wasteland only to be met by Terminus.  Although the beast emits its fiery ray, Terminus uses his cosmic weaponry against the monster.  Godzilla is decimated; his smoking ashes fall to the ground and blow across the way.

Yellowjacket uses the suit’s power to increase his size.  The hero battles Thor to a miraculous standstill, but is ultimately hurt in the melee due to the constant strikes of Mjolnir and lightning ripping across the suit’s exoskeleton.  Red Hulk takes advantage of his teammate’s advantage and enters the fray, smashing Yellowjacket to the ground.  Yellowjacket slowly rises to his knees but dies when Vision uses his physical disruption ability to enter into the suit and kill the Aids’ combatant. 

Zoom attempts to use the strategy of Nightcrawler in his fight against Jaina Solo.  Zoom strikes her incessantly.  The speedster then attempts to phase his hand through the Jedi.  A seasoned veteran of battles and losses, Solo lops off Zoom’s hand before it enters her chest and then spins around, dissecting his head in half.  Power Girl, Red Hulk, Vision and Thor gang up against the Solo before she can gain her wits again.  She is killed in only a matter of moments. 

The formidable Vision, Thor, Red Hulk and Power Girl stand against the cosmic behemoths Thanos and Terminus.  Thanos looks to his battle mate.

Thanos:  Still no match for us, brother. . .

A huge battle occurs as the combatants fight, curb, pummel, counter, battle, tackle, attack, resist, struggle, withstand, grapple, curb, struggle and prevent.  In the end, Thanos manages to kill Vision and Power Girl while Terminus destroys Thor and Red Hulk.  Regardless of the decimation laid upon the sheer numbers of the Kitties, the duo’s superior and cosmic abilities have laid waste, but costing an eventual death of the mortally wounded Terminus.

 

 

S9W8 - Backyardigans vs Rabble Rousers

Beckerman’s Backyardigans Beeyotches is: New Gods: (Malhedron, Uggha, Lightray, Bekka, Shadowfall, Hyalt), Red Lantern Hal Jordan, Vampire Kilowog, Razor, Aya, MOLAR ETERNIAN DENTIST, COBRA VIPER #18

Real Man’s Rabble Rousers is: Apathy, uninterestedness, unresponsiveness, undependable, indifference, lack of interest, untrustworthy, irresponsible, and a contemptible person.

This was it. The moment he had been waiting for all year.

Was it bad that he felt so good about it? Here he sat, week after week, watching all the others get to have their fun with it and finally his turn had come. He usually didn’t emerge until the waning minutes of the weekend to do this so, in a way, he felt bad about how eager he was. On second thought, no he didn't. Could he wait a few more days just in case? Sure, it was only Wednesday evening. But we all know that the correspondence he is waiting on is never going to arrive. Why not start this party now!

The streetlights cast their long shadows on him as he pulled into gas station and stepped out onto the pavement. The clerk cast half a glance at him from behind the glass and quickly returned her gaze back to her phone, shutting the world out once again. “Stupid Bitch,” he muttered as he swiped his card in the pump. He was a man of inappropriate candor sometimes. He regretted his off color comments toward the girl but he had a such a disdain for this generation’s love affair with social media and their devices. If a meteor was hurtling toward their house, they would probably watch someone else’s YouTube clip instead of looking at the sky. He laughed to himself at the thought of that. The irony was not lost on him either; he was trapped in his own prison of technology, the key discarded long ago. Being a keyboard jockey was all that he was good at though. Sure he could make it in another field perhaps but once you get in that middle aged rut with other mouths to feed, how many men would change direction into uncharted waters? Not this one, that’s for sure.

The pump jolted to a stop and snapped him out of his wildly off topic daydream. The car was topped off and so were the four 5-gallon tanks he brought with him. “I hope this is enough,” he thought to himself, “I’ve never used one of these things.” After loading the tanks into the tailgate and securing them, he shot a quick wave to the clerk inside that went unnoticed.

Twenty minutes later he was pulling into Greenie’s Rent All. The deposit and first day’s payment were all made in advance over the phone. The proprietor, Mike, was a kind and helpful fellow who was well versed in the machine's operation. It didn't take long to spot, Mike had pulled it around front for him just as requested. (Someone is getting a five star review!) Ahh! There it was, in all its glory. It looked more beautiful than he imagined. It also appeared as if Nick didn’t rinse it off when he was done with it last week. Jerk. He rolled it into the back of the truck next to the gas cans and tied it down. He needed to be sure it didn’t move or shift during his travels. It was a long drive to the Rabble Rouser's headquarters.

S9W8 - Consortium

Charles Barkley's Turrible Decisions are: The Spectre, Franklin Richards, (Kingdom Come) Steel, (Kingdom Come) Batman, (Kingdom Come) Green Arrow, (Kingdom Come) Black Canary, (Kingdom Come) Dinah Queen, Black Lantern Kyle Houslander

Grizwold's Nutbusters is: Primus, Doomsday, Onslaught, (Age of Apocalypse) Blob, Talon, Batwing in a Vought Sikorsky VS-300, Doozer #5

We voted. Chances are, you didn't. Not trying to be mean, that's just the way it is. The Consortium is a secret society and you are not invited. We meet in person once a week in Josh's basement wearing hoods, holding lit candles and chanting like monks. Then, when the moon is at its peak, we lube Becks up with olive oil and watch him try to catch a piglet. Sound like fun? Want to vote with us next year? Write. Doesn't have to be good. Just look at that crap Nick spits out each week. Has to be ON TIME though.  That is for sure. That is why Me, Nick and Dave are always the first ones to have our matches posted. Chances are high this year that you will just end up with a woodchipper and you're off the hook!  Poor Greenie is gonna have some serious late fees on his chipper rental.

Anyway.... enough rambling. This is what happens when Josh puts me in charge of this. The vote was 3-1 with one abstaining or voting late, I don't care. Doesn't change the fact that....

S9W7 - Empire vs Backyardigans

The Empire is: Earth 2 Batman, Earth 2 Catwoman, Superman Jr., Batman Jr., Dick 
Grayson, Steel Superman, Kyle Rayner, Zombie Poison Ivy, Halk Karr, 
Vixen, Nighthawk, Superman Becks, Spider Kid

Beckerman's Backyardigans Beeyotches is: Batman (Jean Paul Valley) - purple lightsaber - 9 DEATHS, Beta Ray Bill, Grey Hulk, Zod, Black Lantern Magog, Lord Helspont, Black Lantern Mephisto, South Park Crew (Stan, Kyle, Cartman and Kenny)



Allllllrighty!!!  Monday lunchtime. Time to squeeze out this turd.  Ok lets open up my email and see who I am writing.  hmmm.  scroll scroll scroll. there they are. damn! They both sent in a team, that means I actually have to write something. I'm the only one who hasn't got to fire up the fucking woodchipper this year.  Everyone else is getting a free pass. Well... let me peruse these teams and think of something...  OH MY GOD!! So many comic guys.  You would think I would have learned SOMETHING about comics by now.  I don't have time to research all this now. Both these teams are strong, they look pretty even. And both of these guys are in good contention for the playoffs, can't just fuck one of them over.  hmm.  think think think think.

Ok. I got it! This seems fair. In true nerd fashion and in the interest of time, its time to roll some d20's bitches! Let me go grab my dice bag.  You fuckers sit tight...

...

...

...

...

...

OK!  Found 'em!  I'm gonna two dice per character and there will be modifiers when the battles are not even or if someone has a special abilities or whatever. I'll think of something as I go.

Round 1 - South Park Crew vs Spider Kid, Superman Becks and Zombie Poison Ivy.  
I'm gonna just do 6 dice a side on this one since The Empire is slightly stronger.  Here we go. 
Empire: 17, 12, 9, 9, 7, 7
B3: 19, 13, 10, 9, 6, 3

Tough break here for the Empire, They are able to take out Cartman and Kenny (You Bastards!) but Stan and Kyle outsmart Superman Becks and Zombie Poison Ivy.  One last Battle with Stan and Kyle vs Spider Kid. Spider Kid gets a +2 to each dice for "Avenge" and "Back against the wall" but Stan and Kyle will have twice as many dice.
Empire: 7(9),5(7)
B3: 18, 5, 5, 5

Spider Kid's managed to block a 4 on 2 attack due to some bad rolling luck for Becks. Shame, he could have put it away here. Well, last roll, one dice a piece.
Empire: 20
B3: 18

What a comeback!! Solid show for B3, But a Critical hit from Spider Kid leaves Stan and Kyle in a pool of blood and stands alone victorious in this battle.

Round 2 - Lord Helspont, BL Magog & BL Mephisto vs Kyle Rayner, Vixen, Earth 2 Catwoman & Nighthawk.
This one seems pretty close to me.  A little stronger players on the B3 Side but Empire has 4 characters vs 3. We will throw 8 dice to 6 but I'm gonna give B3 a +2 to each roll for their strength.  Lets see what happens!!
Empire: 19, 13, 13, 13, 12, 11, 3, 2
B3: 19(20), 17(19), 16(18), 14(16), 12(14), 2(4)

Wow.  That was a rough hit for the Empire.  BL Magog falls in the skirmish but not before the B3 trio takes out Vixen, Nighthawk and Earth 2 Catwoman with thanks to the good rolls including one critical hit. Kyle Rayner gets +4 on his next roll after the "Avenge", "Back against the wall" and "Best Green Lantern Ever" Modifiers are added.  4 dice to 2.  Good luck Kyle.
Empire: 16(20), 14(18)
B3: 19(20), 17(19), 11(13), 5(7)

Kyle's rolls are just not good enough but he did manage a Critical Hit on one of his dice and this fells BL Mephisto as he also perishes in the skirmish.  Lord Helspont is the lone survivor of this one.

Round 3 - Grey Hulk and Zod vs Steel Superman, Superman Jr. and Halk Karr
Another great matchup!! Grey Hulk will roll 3 dice because he is huge. Zod and Steel Superman will get +2 to their two dice for being known enemies. Halk Karr gets -1 because it took me too long to find out who he was online.
Steel Superman - 13(15), 1
Zod: 20(20), 2(4)

Wow a critical hit and a critical miss in the same battle.  For sure Steel Superman is dead in this.  Lets hope that Supes jr and Halk Karr held their ground a little better against Gray Hulk.
Empire: 13, 2, 2, 1
Gray Hulk: 19, 13, 10

Oh man.  I'm setting these dark colored dice that I'm using for B3 aside.  These babies got magic in them!!  Gray Hulk snags Halk Karr out of the air and crushes him in his palm. Superman JR does not fare any better and Hulk Smash! both Zod and Gray Hulk emerge victorious in this one.

Round 4 - Batman (Jean Paul Valley) w/ purple light saber (9 deaths) and Beta Ray Bill vs Earth 2 Batman, Batman Jr. and Dick Grayson.
Lotttttta Batmans here. Ok. So all batmans (everyone but BRB) will get +2 for home turf of Gotham. JPV batman will get an additional +1 for the lightsaber and another +1 for having 9 deaths. 6 dice vs 4.  Can the scales tip back in favor of the Empire!?!
Empire: 20(20), 19(20), 16(18), 16(18), 15(17), 7(9)
B3: 16(20), 13, 7(11), 1

EPIC!!!! Two critical kills for the Empire and a Critical miss for B3. But one Critical hit for B3 as well.  Since it wasn't a true crit and needed the modifier, this dice will kill Dick Grayson. But the great rolls for the Empire kill Beta Ray Bill and also send Jean Paul Valley to the graveyard.

FINAL BATTLE!!!
Gray Hulk, Zod, Lord Helspont vs Earth 2 Batman, Batman Jr, and Spider Kid
Gray Hulk keeps his extra die. Both the Batmans get their +2 still for home field advantage and Spider Kid, having survived a comeback in the first round, retains his +2 for Avenge and Back against the wall. Gray Hulk and Zod both get a +1 "Momentum" bonus for their clean sweep in round 3.
Let em roll!!!
Empire: 13(15), 13(15), 11(13), 10(12), 6(8), 3(5)
B3: 18, 17(18), 10(11), 8(9), 7(8), 6, 4(5)

Looks like Spider Kid and Batman Jr couldn't hold on but they fought valiently vs the Backyardigans and against the odds, took out Zod and Lord Helspont.  Now, The final roll is here.  Earth 2 Batman vs Gray Hulk!!  There will be only one survivor today!!!

Season 9: Week 7: George Washington's Slaves vs The Abomitrons

George Washington’s Slaves are: Darth Shemalyah, Nik Landsoh

Brek Nyram, Superman, Batgirl (Cassandra Cain) with Black Lightsaber, Ki Adi Mundi with blue Lightsaber, Jedi Master Dooku, Padawan Qui Gonn Jinn, Savage Opress with red lantern ring, Kyle Catarn, Bill Rieser, Lance Bean, Jill Valentine with red Lightsaber, Rocky Balboa, Sayid Jarrah with Blue Lightsaber.

The Abomitrons are: Aught, Bagatelle, Crumb, Diddly, Naught, Nihility, Nix, Nonbeing, Nonentity, Nothingness, Nought, Scratch, Trifle, Void, Zip, Zilch & Zero with Invisible Light Saber.

Wood

noun

1.

the hard, fibrous substance composing most of the stem and branches of a tree or shrub, and lying beneath the bark; the xylem.

2.

the trunks or main stems of trees as suitable for architectural and other purposes; timber or lumber.

3.

firewood.

4.

the cask, barrel, or keg, as distinguished from the bottle:

aged in the wood.

5.

woodblock (def 1).

6.

Music.

1. a woodwind instrument.
2. the section of a band or orchestra composed of woodwinds.

7.

Often, woods. ( used with a singular or plural verb) a large and thick collection of growing trees; a grove or forest:

They picnicked in the woods.

Chipper

adjective

1.

marked by or being in sprightly good humor and health.

Woodchipper

noun

1.

a motor-driven machine that cuts wood into chips.

Charles Barkley's Totally Wizard Name Changes Vs. Brock Sampson's Fighting Murderflies

Charles Barkley's Totally Wizard Name Changes are Dark Jedi Master #35-40, Nightsister Sith Witch #8-13, Black Widow, The Spectre, and Kister Chanchani Banai.

The Murderflies are Batgirl (w/ green lantern ring), Ace the Bathound, (Female) Dr. Light, The Shark, Spike, Quinn, Jackson “Jax” Teller, Jury, Happy, Harry “Opie” Winston, and Kozik, Wu Tang Clan: Rza, Inspectah Dek, Method Man, U-God, Cappadonna, Ghost Face Killah, Masta Killah, and Ol Dirty Bastard, Altair Ibn-La' Ahad, Ezio Auditore de Firenze, Zombie Godzilla, Dr. Doomsday, Greedo, and Capt. Caveman.


Power. True unlimited POWER. This is what is possessed by the leader of The Barkley squad. One character and one character alone holds the power to dominate Gotham City, just as he did Mos Espa, then later the whole of Tatooine. It was almost a decade ago when the Midi Chlorians acted freely in attempting to create a Chosen One on the Outer Rim planet of Tatooine. The story of Anakin Skywalker is told many times over; but rarely do any speak of the Midi Chlorians first attempt. The original Chosen One that they knew was so uncontrollable that they had to create a new one. The true Chosen One: Kister.

Kister brings a new matter of force to The Force as he is the most wizard Wizard.

Kister shows up in Gotham City, not with apprentices; but with Force worshipers He is their Priest. Their chieftain. The true master. His Dark Jedi Masters and Nightsisters are in full agreement as to who their Master is, the only dogmatic issue they take with one another is how best Master Kister should be worshiped. The Black Widow, totally under the force spell of Kister works obediently as Kister's assistant, bodyguard, and as the hand of the true emperor. The Spectre was part of his entourage as well; but was killed as they first arrived in Gotham City. The ghost like being known as the Spectre was naturally killed by Ghost Face Killah, whose power set naturally could destroy The Spectre with ease. But this matters not. He is not missed by Kister and his minions and his powers were simply absorbed by Kister: The true grand master of the Force. His minions chant their sacred verse as they march into town:

“Kister is the master of the dark and of the light. Of the day and of the night. Of the land and of the sea. And of the poo and of the pee”.

Batgirl hides with Dr. Light, Dr. Doomsday, Greedo, and Capt. Caveman in a small half-underground enclave that she remembers from her original days working this city with Batman. She assures them that despite the fear of what is happening to this city that the match will be over soon; and all will return to normal. Although, despite this; their fear is apparent in their eyes as they await the evil that comes.

The Dark Jedis and Nightsisters suffer a few casualties as they mow through The Shark and the Sons of Anarchy biker gang who are decked out in Trump 2016 Gear and Make America Great Again hats.

And while that is transpiring Kister himself allows his acolytes to watch while he single-highhandedly takes on The Wu Tang Clan. It is sooooooo WIZARD to see him use a Force Cyclone to kill RZA and Inspectah Dek. He then uses Force Thunder to kill Method Man. Force Crucifixion to kill U-God, A Force Flood to kill Cappadonna. Force Government CIA Aids to kill the Killahs of the Ghost Faces and the Mastahs. And then last but not least uses Force Diarrhea to kill Ol' Dirty Bastard, turning him into, in death his counterpart Big-Dirty-Diaper-Baby-Jesus.

Altair Ibn-La 'Ahad and Ezio Auditore de Firenze each manage to kill one of Kister's acolytes before dying at the hands of the evil entourage.

There are no enemies in sight; but Kister knows that there are more to be found: He can feel it. He gathers his followers in a close circle and his acolytes begin to hum as he begins to chant: “I am the lord of force and magic. I bring forth the vile and tragic. My powers equal huge army troops. I turn my enemies into piles of poops. I wield the force like a dozen sharknados. And loosen stools like mixed up play-doh. I am the most wizard of wizards. NOW SUMMON ME FORTH A LIZARD OF LIZARDS”!!

Then Zombie Godzilla stepped on all of them....

John and Vader's House of Sith Aids and Griswold's Nut-busters Vs. The Royal Highness and Layanderletson's Super Orange Kitties and Cats Living Together to Make a New Family

The Sith Aids are Killer Kroc, Deathstorm, Kyle Rayner: Parallax, (Evil/Male) Dr. Light, Zombie Omega Red, Zombie Abomination, Aron: The Rogue Watcher, Vegeta, Trunks, and Grand Moff Tarkin.

The Royal Highness is Batman, Robin (Jason Todd), Alfred, Commissioner James Gordon, Red Hood Batman (w/ blue lightsaber), Elderly Bruce Wayne w/ his Dog in the Batwing, Batman Beyond, Hush, Ras Al Ghul (w/ a green lantern ring), Anarky, Dr Destiny, q, and Wendy.

Griswold's Nut-busters are Talon, Batwing, Hal Jordan, HK-47, Fantomex, Cluster, Weapon XIII, Dazzler, Super Shredder, Kanye West, Duncan Idaho Ghola #9, Kalder, Dark Side Adept Kyle Houslander, Dark Side Acolyte Zachary Houslander, Skrull #1-6, and Vin Diesel.

The Super Kitties are Flashpoint Batman (Thomas Wayne), Red X, Red X (Dick Grayson), Batgirl (Stephanie Brown), Robin (Stephanie Brown), Catgirl, The Jokester w/ his pet monkey Harley Quinn, John and Mary Grayson (w/ green lantern rings), (Kingdom Come) Red Robin, Robin (Damien Wayne), Robin (Tim Drake), Green Lantern Penguin, Mr. Freeze, Man-Bat, Red Hulk, Thor, Lego Hulk, and Sam Whitwhicky in a Tank.


ON A FEW SEPARATE ROOFTOPS THROUGHOUT THE CITY....

“Robin, do you read me?? This is Batman on a secure channel. I repeat, Robin: do you read me?? Batgirl, do you read me”??

“I hear ya Batman. Ya know, ya can't just call me like this anymore. We're on different teams, my loyalty lies somewhere else”. Says Tim Drake over the batcom.

Batman barks back: “ROBIN, THIS IS AN EMERGEN”.......

Batgirl interrupts: “Oh, relax Bats, he's just messin with you. We're both here. What can we do for you”??

“Gotham is in shambles. We're going to have to join forces, if we are going to take the city back from these madmen”. Says Batman.

“Well, no kidding. What's the plan”?? Says Robin.

IN THE BATCAVE AND GCPD, ON A SECRET DIRECT LINE TELEPHONE CALL.......

“That was the last recorded transmission I have of any of them, since you sent out the batsignal Commissioner”. Says Alfred.

“Thanks Alfred. I just hope they are okay and that they are putting a plan together. Ever since the Nut-buster and Sith Aids gangs joined forces, this city has become even more of a madhouse than normal. Grand Moff Tarkin and his goons are running the city without any resistance from authorities. I even made some pretty unholy alliances to try and regain control; but it didn't work out in the least”. Says Gordon.

“Well, I don't blame you Commissioner. The fact that the timelines are crossed and that we seemingly are a mix of several different Gotham Cities, isn't helping either. In fact, I have an elderly version of Bruce and a rather ornery dog flying patrols in the Batwing as we speak, not to mention, that I have been in contact with a fairly unpleasant version of my old boss Thomas Wayne as well; but at least they are both completely on board with taking the city back” Says Alfred

“Well, that's good news Alfred; but I still regret even speaking with that madmen Ras Al Ghul. Not that that matters now, it was a mistake; and he paid the ultimate price, not me. I saw Ras get taken out by that zombie abomination Tarkin has working for him. I also saw Hush and Anarky blown to bits by some guys identified as Vegeta and Trunks. Not to mention Dr. Destiny ripped apart by Deathstorm. Ras Al Ghul's team may have taken out Dr. Light and the zombified Russian they were calling Omega Red; but I am pretty sure the gang came out on top of that one”. Relays Gordon.

“You musn't blame yourself Commissioner. I received some similar, if not cheery intel from Red Robin, who happens to be an older version of Master Dick; about the sidekicks and their allies. It seems that none other than Hal Jordan was sided with the Nut-buster gang, and that thanks to Killer Kroc's extensive sewer network he was able to surprise attack the main base of operations for the Super Kitties. Green Lantern led a robot by the name of HK-47, a magic-user named Kalder, a rather large; but useless fellow that could have been Kalder's twin brother, and six aliens known as Skrulls on the surprise attack. Granted every single one of Jordan's troops died in the attack; but losses were high on the Super Kitty side as well. Red Robin tells me, that some of their most powerful allies gave the ultimate sacrifice. Most of the Super Kitties scattered and went into hiding after that; but some heavy hitters that they referred to as Thor, Red Hulk, and one that rang a bell, Man-bat all died along with Hal Jordan's goons”. Says Alfred.

“Well Alfred, all we can do is hope that Batman is alive and that he is coordinating some sort of counter-offensive. Because according to these fliers that are being strewn all over the town, the Sith Aids and Nut-buster gangs are having an official meeting tonight at city hall to officially take over the city and to begin their own brand of what they are calling their “population control agenda to remove Gotham of undesirables”. According to my men on the street, the plan will consist of eliminating up to 70% of Gotham's population. I am going to rally what forces I can to evacuate the downtown area. Good luck to you Alfred, Gordon out”....

7:00 PM: TIME FOR THE FIRST ANNUAL CLEANSING AND FIRST EVER MEETING OF THE NEWLY NAMED EMPIRE GANG, AND THE INAUGUARTION OF THE NEW GRAND MOFF OF GOTHAM: TARKIN.

The night is unseasonably warm for Gotham City; so the festivities are moved to the city square out in front of the official city buildings; not to mention that City Hall has already been trashed by the two gangs and is no longer much of a meeting place. All the high ranking members of the gang are present for the meeting, as they prepare to cease being a street gang and commence their new role as the official government of Gotham City.

Grand Moff Tarkin approaches the podium set up at the center of the square and begins his speech: “Subjects of Gotham City, as we take the first step in creating a new Empire, I wish to assure all of you who will be soon handpicked to survive into the next phase that liberties you will soon lose will be adequately replaced with order, proper regulation, and true justice by force.. As we prepare for this transition, I acknowledge that initial casualties may be high; but you will eventually come to find that this loss of life will be well worth it. I would simply ask that”.......

“BLAH BLAH BLAH” Is heard interrupting Tarkin.

Tarkin tries to continue: “I would simply ask that”....

“I SAID, BLAH BLAH BLAH” is heard echoing through the obnoxious sounding megaphone being held by Jason Todd.

“Who dares oppose our takeover”, says Tarkin indignantly.

“IT'S ME ROBIN. WELL, AT LEAST ONE OF THE ROBINS THAT IS HERE. TRUST ME, I WOULDN'T BE DUMB ENOUGH TO DO THIS IF I WAS HERE BY MYSELF” Says Jason Todd sarcastically through the megaphone.

At that moment, the batcomlinks all beep, as the members of both squads are notified to let the attack begin. Batman has coordinated everything perfectly. Right down to who is supposed to fight whom and how they are supposed to take them down. This night belongs to the Bat, and so does this city. Nobody knows either one as well as him, and though they are outgunned in many ways, Batman and his sidekicks and allies move swiftly to begin the take down of their opponents.

From advanced radio satellites in the Justice League's space base, Batman was able to communicate with a lesser member of the Q Continuum, who agreed to use one of his many lives for this purpose. q, with the snap of a finger removed Aron the Rogue Watcher and Deathstorm from the battle.

Jason Todd, Robin and the older revived version of himself The Red Hood, team up on Killer Kroc who ends up with a quick lightsaber to the throat.

Batman himself takes down Kyle Rayner with ease with weapons he long ago developed to take out green lanterns of significantly higher fighting prowess than he.

Zombie Abomination is hit with a perfectly shot tactical-percussion-chemically-contained bomb fired by Old Bruce from the Batwing, and then takes out Vegeta with the proper counter measures once the Sayan takes flight and attempts to pursue the vehicle. Batman Beyond is able to use similar weapons from his suit to do the same to Trunks.

Wendy, now donning a spare Batgirl suit took out the boss as she force fed Tarkin some of her twice cooked leftover fries until the poor old guy had a heart attack.

“I understand you are a traitor, I hate traitors” Thomas Wayne says as he rams a knife into the weak point of Batwing's armor at the neck.

The two Red X's assure Talon that they realize he is good at what he does; but that they are better as they make short work of the former Court of Owls assasin. The two Red X's then go on to take out the dark side apprentices Kyle and Zack, with a series of a half a dozen birdarangs.

The Flying Graysons literally fly in aided by their green lantern rings and use them to silence and then kill Dazzler and her ever-annoying musical mutant powers.

Green Lantern Penguin makes some pretty rude and off-color comments about the Kardashian family while he has way to much fun spearing Kanye West with a huge green construct of an umbrella.

Sam Whitwhicky is listening to Prince, and going on and on to himself about the Illuminati, The NWO, and chem trails, while he runs over Duncan Idaho; meanwhile Mr. Freeze has just finished kicking over and cracking the frozen statue that was once Super Shredder.

Stephanie Brown and Stephanie Brown double team Cluster, while Catgirl, Red Robin, and The Jokester triple team Fantomex and Robin and Robin take on Weapon XIII. Batman himself swoops in to help them out; but by the time he gets there, the battle is already won for the Gothamites.

Commissioner Gordon attempts to approach Batman to thank him for once again saving the city; but the Bat is gone without a trace, the villains are defeated, Gotham is safe for now, and all is once again normal....... Whatever that means in this crazy city......

Season 9 Week 7 Top-Secret Clandestine Consortium

The Midgets are: Twincast (w/ Rumble, Frenzy, Ravage, Laserbeak, Buzzsaw, Ratbat, Overkill, Slugfest, Squawktalk, Beastbox, Enemy, Wingthing, Flip Sides, Sundor, Garboid, Howlback, Glit, Nightstalker, Playback, Rosanna, Stripes, and Autobot Cassette #1-3), Deadshot, Red Robin (w/ Tron suit/disc), Scar (DC), Supergirl (Ariella Kent), Longshot, Deadpool, He-Man, Liu Kang, Mouser, and Ryachu.

The Rabble Rousers are: Being held in their entirety in a secure underground bunker deep beneath an undisclosed location. Accused of not sending a squad to the appropriate inbox, they stand before a kangaroo court of Super-Cyborgs Charles Barkley and Michael Jordan, Shrek-It Ralph, and Care Becks.

In a unanimous vote of 4-0...

TEAM Vs. Team Sleeping Pussy

TEAM is:




Lego Batman 7
Lego Robin 7
Green Lantern Batman 4
Crime Syndicate: Owlman 5
Justice League Alpha Batman 7
Robin, the Toy Wonder (Free w/JL Alpha member) 5
Green Lantern Ryan Poteracki 7
Mamaw 1
Papaw 1
Bama 1
Angus MacGuyver 6 Red Lightsaber
Ace McLeod 3
Jake Rockwell 4
Max Ray 4
John Thunder 4
Rex Charger 3
Marvel Woman 3
Young Marvel Man 3
Kefka 5







Team Sleeping Pussy is:




Dirty Harry Callahan--21 7
Bad Scanner (Darryl Revok)--12 8
Black Cat--28 6
Nite Owl I 30 pts 3
Silk Spectre I 30 pts 6 Blue Lightsaber
Vampirella--29 7
Travis Bickle--15 6
Paul Kersey--20 1
James Bond--29 7 Astro-Harness
Miss Moneypenny--10 2
Gentleman Ghost--30 3
Sunfire--33 4
Moloch--12 2
The Silhouette--30 5
Mr. Joshua--8 2
Walking Dead: Paul "Jesus" Monroe--7 2
Porky Wallace--6 0


In a vote of 5 to 1......

Season 9, Week 7 Match: The Moist Mafia vs. President Barack Obama and Miley Cyrus's Touring Battalion of Commandoes

“Ooh yeah, ooh yeah
I wanna bust that body
Ooh yeah, ooh yeah
I wanna bust that body right.”

              -Prince [Batdance]

I look upon the teams which will do battle in this Season 9, Week 7 Match located in Gotham City. They are as follows:

Mafia: Doomed (Teenage Doomsday), Royal Flush Gang: King, Queen, Ten, Jack and Ace, Jason Todd with canon/armor gun and mithril vest, Mace Windu, Jason Voorhees, Man of Bats, Little Raven, The Huntress, Deadman, Knight, Squire, Jar Jar Binks and Hamburglar.

Commandos: Martian Manhunter, Faora, Human Bomb (9 deaths), Dark Phoenix, Thanos, Bail Organa w/White Lantern Ring (9 deaths), Taylor Swift, Mulder & Scully, Mansquito, Black Dragon #15, Echo (From Dollhouse), Hermione Granger, Destiny's Child (Beyonce, Kelly & Michelle).

Mafia’s locker room. . .

Hamburglar:  Robble.  Robble.

Jason Todd:  You got that spot on, Hamburglar.  This is our town!

Deadman: This is our victory!

Commandos’ locker room. . .

Bail Organa:  We may not have those of the Batverse, but we have a formidable team.

Taylor Swift:  We have bad blood!

Beyonce: They won’t be ready for our jelly!

THE BAT SIGNAL ERUPTS IN THE NIGHT SKY.

Let the match begin. . .

Burnley District of Gotham City- -

Gotham University. . .

Taylor Swift walks through the campus with Dark Phoenix and Destiny’s Child by her side.  The Swift posse is in full form as the beauties stroll down the street with attitude.   They reach the center of the main campus.  The group faces forward and appears to walk in near-slow-motion, a wind blowing through their collective hair.  A gurgling pierces the silence and the group turns in unison to see Kelly looking down at a machete ripping through her chest.  As she slides down the blade and hits the ground, Jason Vorhees is seen ominously unmoving.   Herminone Granger instantly reacts at the death of her teammate.

Granger: Protego Horribilis!

A glittering wave encases the Commando women as the group is enclosed in a charm that will protect them against Vorhees.

Taylor Swift:  Gals!  We have to Shake this off!

Dark Phoenix:  I’ll do the shaking!

Dark Phoenix bursts from the protective bubble and engulfs Vorhees with the Phoenix Force.  Voorhees is incinerated; mere ashes where he once stood.  The protective spell dissipates. 

Granger:  Nice job Jean.

WGTU Radio Station. . .

Talking is heard throughout the station.  A duo of hosts and an engineer banter about nothing in particular.  Mulder and Scully interrupt the program. 

Mulder:  Have you seen an American Indian here?

Radio Host #1:  No, we’ve been enthralled in a conversation with an individual named ‘Bama and his musings.

Scully:  Mulder, it’s no use.  These guys are in their own reality.  A reality where a few dorks create their own Star Wars character who then becomes a pariah and eventually a god of an entire universe. 

Mulder and Scully begin to leave the room when a blood curdling cry is heard.  Man of Bats and Little Raven rush out of the closet together. 

Engineer:  Where did they come from?!?!

Before the South Dakota duo is able to reach the FBI agents from their closeted place of hiding, both Mulder and Scully unload their guns into the two.  Both Man of Bats and Little Raven die with their frenetic bodies becoming a staccato of mayhem as they are riddled with bullets.

Host #2:  Wow, maybe our ratings will go up with this one!

Giordano Botanical Gardens. . .

Jar Jar Binks:  Mesah loves the bugs in gardens. 

Binks’ tongue wraps around a dragon fly and the Gungan swallows it whole.  Mansquito jumps from his place of hiding behind a grove of ferns.

Binks: Too bigsah are you to eat.  But killsyah I will!

Binks catapults over thorny brush and rips off one of the shrub’s limbs.  Binks whips the branch across Mansquito’s body, drawing blood.  Mansquito becomes enraged at being harmed by the ludicrous character and lunges at Binks.  The two tussle, but Mansquito gains the upper hand and rips off Binks’ ears.  Binks screams.  When the Gungan’s mouth is open, Mansquito shoves a tree branch through Binks’ mouth and skull, killing him.

Burnley Freight Yards. . .

Black Dragon #15 flies through the yard and locates its prey.  Mace Windu stands his ground and ignites his lightsaber.  The purple blade deflects the dragon’s acid.  The Jedi then leaps on the freight cases aligned on the ground and manages to reach the top of the dragon.   Windu rides the dragon while the beast attempts to jostle Windu off - to no avail.  Windu plummets his lightsaber into the dragon’s skull, which crashes to the ground.  Windu lands in perfect fashion, straightens his clothing and walks on to the next skirmish.

Von Gruenwald Enterprises. . .

The entire Royal Flush Gang: King, Queen, Ten, Jack and Ace surround the Human Bomb and Echo from Dollhouse.  Ace attempts to pummel Echo, who manages to avoid the beating.  Nonetheless, Echo is killed as he is struck in the heart by the laser beam shot from Jack’s eye. 

King:  You’re not escaping H.B.  Surrender and we’ll make your death swift and painless.

Ten throws her explosive projectiles at the Human Bomb without success of any damage.

Human Bomb:  That was. . .  not impressive Ten.  You want to see a real explosion.

The Human Bomb ignites and explodes, killing both Ten and Jack.  Queen shoots her razors and manages to slice into the Bomb’s uniform, causing small tears which are unnoticed by the Commando.

Human Bomb:  Let’s do this again, only a little more ummph!

Human Bomb ignites and explodes, once again.  The blast radius engulfs the entire building, decimating the remaining Royal Flush Gang.  Much to his dismay though, the Human Bomb realizes that his suit was torn; it is too late to control his power.  The Human Bomb dies with his enemy.    

Gotham Arms Apartments. . .

Doomed faces off against Faora and the Martian Manhunter.  The trio exchange devastating blows upon one another.  Although a teenager, Doomed holds his own against the Kryptonian and her Mars teammate.  Doomed reaches the Manhunter and puts him in a sleeper hold.  J’onzz begins to lose consciousness and Doomed snaps the Commando’s neck.  Faora becomes enraged and eventually gains the upper hand over Doomed.  The Kryptonian has reversed rolls from before now that Doomed is being held in a sleeper hold position.  Faora snaps the neck of Doomed.

Faora:  Payback is a . . .

Deadman enters into Faora’s body and takes control.  Deadman/Faora walks to the lobby and meets Thanos.  Before Deadman can attack through Faora’s body, Thanos manipulates the energy surrounding Deadman/Faora.

Deadman/Faora:  Wait!  I’m still in here!!!

Thanos:  But so is the enemy.

Thanos destroys Deadman, but his teammate Faora with him.

Gotham Mercy General Hospital. . .

Jason Todd utilizes his canon/armor gun against Bail Organa, but without success as Organa’s white lantern ring blocks the gun’s weaponry.  Organa fires a projectile at Todd, whose mithril vest absorbs a majority of the strike.  The Huntress, Knight and Squire join their Gotham brother-in-arms and the four are simply too much for the senator.  Organa dies at the hands of the four, specifically Todd dealing the last blow. 

Old Gotham Subway. . . The Final Stand. . .

Jason Todd with canon/armor gun and mithril vest, Mace Windu, The Huntress, Knight, Squire and Hamburglar face off against Dark Phoenix, Thanos, Taylor Swift, Mulder & Scully, Mansquito, Hermione Granger, Destiny's Child (Beyonce & Michelle).

Mulder:  Scully, look out!

Hamburglar takes a piece of broken rail embedded in the ground and smashes it over the head of Scully.  Scully’s skull makes a crunching sound and the agent falls to the floor. 

Mulder:  Scully!!!!

Mulder again unloads his entire clip, this time into the Hamburglar.  Hamburglar dies with ketchup seeping from the wounds.

The Huntress unleashes a fury of moves and kills Michelle from Destiny’s Child.  Michelle, in her dying breath, looks to Beyonce.

Michelle: I’m gonna lose my breath. . .

Beyonce:  No!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Beyonce turns around and faces the Huntress. 

Huntress:  Oh please, Bey B.

Huntress kills Beyonce.

 Knight and Squire team up to kill Mansquito, but are killed by Dark Phoenix and Hermione Granger.

Meanwhile, Jason Todd and Mace Windu fight side by side and kill Taylor Swift and Mulder.  The acrobatic moves and weaponry of the caped crusader and Jedi are too much for the simple humans. 

The three remaining members of each team study one another.  The Mafia focuses on the weakest link of the Commando trio and manages to utterly destroy Granger.  It is only a matter of moments though before Dark Phoenix and Thanos do away with Todd, Windu and the Huntress.