S9W7 - Empire vs Backyardigans

The Empire is: Earth 2 Batman, Earth 2 Catwoman, Superman Jr., Batman Jr., Dick 
Grayson, Steel Superman, Kyle Rayner, Zombie Poison Ivy, Halk Karr, 
Vixen, Nighthawk, Superman Becks, Spider Kid

Beckerman's Backyardigans Beeyotches is: Batman (Jean Paul Valley) - purple lightsaber - 9 DEATHS, Beta Ray Bill, Grey Hulk, Zod, Black Lantern Magog, Lord Helspont, Black Lantern Mephisto, South Park Crew (Stan, Kyle, Cartman and Kenny)



Allllllrighty!!!  Monday lunchtime. Time to squeeze out this turd.  Ok lets open up my email and see who I am writing.  hmmm.  scroll scroll scroll. there they are. damn! They both sent in a team, that means I actually have to write something. I'm the only one who hasn't got to fire up the fucking woodchipper this year.  Everyone else is getting a free pass. Well... let me peruse these teams and think of something...  OH MY GOD!! So many comic guys.  You would think I would have learned SOMETHING about comics by now.  I don't have time to research all this now. Both these teams are strong, they look pretty even. And both of these guys are in good contention for the playoffs, can't just fuck one of them over.  hmm.  think think think think.

Ok. I got it! This seems fair. In true nerd fashion and in the interest of time, its time to roll some d20's bitches! Let me go grab my dice bag.  You fuckers sit tight...

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OK!  Found 'em!  I'm gonna two dice per character and there will be modifiers when the battles are not even or if someone has a special abilities or whatever. I'll think of something as I go.

Round 1 - South Park Crew vs Spider Kid, Superman Becks and Zombie Poison Ivy.  
I'm gonna just do 6 dice a side on this one since The Empire is slightly stronger.  Here we go. 
Empire: 17, 12, 9, 9, 7, 7
B3: 19, 13, 10, 9, 6, 3

Tough break here for the Empire, They are able to take out Cartman and Kenny (You Bastards!) but Stan and Kyle outsmart Superman Becks and Zombie Poison Ivy.  One last Battle with Stan and Kyle vs Spider Kid. Spider Kid gets a +2 to each dice for "Avenge" and "Back against the wall" but Stan and Kyle will have twice as many dice.
Empire: 7(9),5(7)
B3: 18, 5, 5, 5

Spider Kid's managed to block a 4 on 2 attack due to some bad rolling luck for Becks. Shame, he could have put it away here. Well, last roll, one dice a piece.
Empire: 20
B3: 18

What a comeback!! Solid show for B3, But a Critical hit from Spider Kid leaves Stan and Kyle in a pool of blood and stands alone victorious in this battle.

Round 2 - Lord Helspont, BL Magog & BL Mephisto vs Kyle Rayner, Vixen, Earth 2 Catwoman & Nighthawk.
This one seems pretty close to me.  A little stronger players on the B3 Side but Empire has 4 characters vs 3. We will throw 8 dice to 6 but I'm gonna give B3 a +2 to each roll for their strength.  Lets see what happens!!
Empire: 19, 13, 13, 13, 12, 11, 3, 2
B3: 19(20), 17(19), 16(18), 14(16), 12(14), 2(4)

Wow.  That was a rough hit for the Empire.  BL Magog falls in the skirmish but not before the B3 trio takes out Vixen, Nighthawk and Earth 2 Catwoman with thanks to the good rolls including one critical hit. Kyle Rayner gets +4 on his next roll after the "Avenge", "Back against the wall" and "Best Green Lantern Ever" Modifiers are added.  4 dice to 2.  Good luck Kyle.
Empire: 16(20), 14(18)
B3: 19(20), 17(19), 11(13), 5(7)

Kyle's rolls are just not good enough but he did manage a Critical Hit on one of his dice and this fells BL Mephisto as he also perishes in the skirmish.  Lord Helspont is the lone survivor of this one.

Round 3 - Grey Hulk and Zod vs Steel Superman, Superman Jr. and Halk Karr
Another great matchup!! Grey Hulk will roll 3 dice because he is huge. Zod and Steel Superman will get +2 to their two dice for being known enemies. Halk Karr gets -1 because it took me too long to find out who he was online.
Steel Superman - 13(15), 1
Zod: 20(20), 2(4)

Wow a critical hit and a critical miss in the same battle.  For sure Steel Superman is dead in this.  Lets hope that Supes jr and Halk Karr held their ground a little better against Gray Hulk.
Empire: 13, 2, 2, 1
Gray Hulk: 19, 13, 10

Oh man.  I'm setting these dark colored dice that I'm using for B3 aside.  These babies got magic in them!!  Gray Hulk snags Halk Karr out of the air and crushes him in his palm. Superman JR does not fare any better and Hulk Smash! both Zod and Gray Hulk emerge victorious in this one.

Round 4 - Batman (Jean Paul Valley) w/ purple light saber (9 deaths) and Beta Ray Bill vs Earth 2 Batman, Batman Jr. and Dick Grayson.
Lotttttta Batmans here. Ok. So all batmans (everyone but BRB) will get +2 for home turf of Gotham. JPV batman will get an additional +1 for the lightsaber and another +1 for having 9 deaths. 6 dice vs 4.  Can the scales tip back in favor of the Empire!?!
Empire: 20(20), 19(20), 16(18), 16(18), 15(17), 7(9)
B3: 16(20), 13, 7(11), 1

EPIC!!!! Two critical kills for the Empire and a Critical miss for B3. But one Critical hit for B3 as well.  Since it wasn't a true crit and needed the modifier, this dice will kill Dick Grayson. But the great rolls for the Empire kill Beta Ray Bill and also send Jean Paul Valley to the graveyard.

FINAL BATTLE!!!
Gray Hulk, Zod, Lord Helspont vs Earth 2 Batman, Batman Jr, and Spider Kid
Gray Hulk keeps his extra die. Both the Batmans get their +2 still for home field advantage and Spider Kid, having survived a comeback in the first round, retains his +2 for Avenge and Back against the wall. Gray Hulk and Zod both get a +1 "Momentum" bonus for their clean sweep in round 3.
Let em roll!!!
Empire: 13(15), 13(15), 11(13), 10(12), 6(8), 3(5)
B3: 18, 17(18), 10(11), 8(9), 7(8), 6, 4(5)

Looks like Spider Kid and Batman Jr couldn't hold on but they fought valiently vs the Backyardigans and against the odds, took out Zod and Lord Helspont.  Now, The final roll is here.  Earth 2 Batman vs Gray Hulk!!  There will be only one survivor today!!!