Royal Rumble Finale!!

As the Blob stands defiant and alone in the ring, #31, Dr. Evil begins waddling down the aisle. “It looks like I will have to clone another sole mate” Dr. Evil says to himself as he comes to the realization that his partner Mini Me has already been eliminated. Dr. Evil, as soon as he enters the ring starts awkwardly drop kicking The Blob, each one resulting in Dr. Evil himself falling to the ground. The maniacal brother of Austin Powers gets dizzier and dizzier each time he gets up, until The Blob picks him up like a rag doll and tosses him out of the ring just as #32 Watchdog #3 is climbing in. Watchdog #3 begins fiercely attacking The Blob; but his attacks work about as well on the mutant as they usually do against Capt. America. Watchdog #3 simply becomes the next person tossed out of the ring with ease by the even nastier Age of Apocalypse version of Fred Dukes. But as Watchdog #3 accomplishes nothing, the next guy coming down is about half a foot taller than the blob and twice as cut. Death Hammer, the Immellized clone of Death Adder and Sledgehammer, begins by taking his Ax-handled, magically powered .44 Magnum and fires three rounds into the chest of The Blob (if I didn’t know that it was impossible I would have sworn that I saw him flinch). With this taking place, and her arms getting tired, Dora see this as an opportunity to swing herself back in the ring and try and help out Death Hammer against a dude who she still sees as basically unbeatable. The Blob begins belly laughing hysterically when he sees that the delicious looking little Dora is still alive, when Triceraton #4 begins walking down the aisle as well. As the Triceraton is entering the ring, The Blob is still condescendingly criticizing Dora, like only a morbidly obese adult in a leotard can do. The Triceraton and Death Hammer can’t help but agree with The Blob when he says “What the hell kind of sh**&ty general manager sends a little kid into a royal rumble”?!!? But Dora’s demeanor shows the rest of the combatants that she means business, when she verbally takes control and forms a quick alliance against The Blob whom they all know they can’t take alone. Dora somersaults into the middle of Death Hammer and The Triceraton and says: “Hey Hammer head, you hit em high and dino-dude you hit him low…. NOW”!! The two of them rush in following the explorer’s orders while Dora races in ahead of both of them slides between The Blob’s legs and almost falls out of the ring again accept for grabbing on to the bottom rope. This is where her plan comes in. As soon as The Blob begins to fight back against the other two, he picks up his left foot, which Dora then pulls the ring ropes underneath to trip him up. As The Blob falls to the mat, he punches both Death Hammer and The Triceraton, knocking the former to the mat and the latter out of the ring. With all the excitement taking place, the combatants do not even realize that #35 Uncle Buck is now standing on the other side of the ring with a “What the Eff am I doing here” look on his face, while #36 C.M. Punk is climbing into the ring after a run down the aisle. Far from defeated yet, The Blob has managed to get back up on his feet, but his ankle is still caught in the rope, thanks to Dora. C.M. Punk takes note that The Blob is obviously the biggest threat in the ring and he begins to try and rally the rest of the guys behind him so after The Blob’s eliminated he can win this thing for himself; but after what Death Hammer was a part of and Uncle Buck witnessed, they were not anxious to follow anybody’s lead except for Dora’s. “COME ON!! YOU’RE ALL gonna follow some kid instead of me?!!? Look at her, she looks like she smoked a pack of cigarettes and drank a pint of dark rum before the match even started”. Dora shrugs her shoulders like she is soooo whateavs but it is Uncle Buck who takes offense to the comments. The former baby-sitter rushes at Punk who exclaims that: “IT’S CLOBBERIN TIME”, as he grabs Uncle Buck by the neck and knees him in the mid-section. He then goes to fling the heavyset Canadian out of the ring but he is inadvertently saved by N0-Ship Futar #2 who has just entered the ring. The hairy, muscular Tleilaxlu creation is only in the ring for about a second after the flailing body of Uncle Buck hits him and sends him right back over the top rope. Uncle Buck gets back to his feet while the whole ring full of people put some space between each other to measure each other up. The Blob still has his foot caught in the bottom rope; but is prepared for anything while Death Hammer and Punk move from one corner to the other. Dora is hanging back behind Uncle Buck who is regaining his composure and getting back on his feet, when wait………
What’s this? …………

The crowd begins to go silent, like the calm before the storm…. And then, they erupt……..

IT’S HOLLYWOOD HOGAN!!!! The Hulkster comes running down the aisle and the crowd goes nuts!! Hollywood instantly goes for The Blob but even against Hogan, The Blob doesn’t even flinch against his attacks. And he knocks the former champion to the ground with ease. #39 Abobo from Double Dragon has now entered the ring and it is getting pretty packed with some of the heavyweights trouncing around. It is a mess of a melee as the 7 wrasslers go at it. They are all somewhat focused on The Blob; but really, there is no rhyme or reason to the fighting, it is just taking place everywhere. The final combatant Roper, coincidentally also from Double Dragon has now entered the ring with his nun chucks in hand. Roper instantly hits CM Punk in the hands with a nun chuck cheap shot knocking his legion flight ring off and more so pissing off the former World Heavyweight Champion. Punk then clotheslines Roper over the top as quick as you can say “Zero Tolerance”. Punk then goes back to the last guy who ticked him off and grabs Uncle Buck by his collared shirt and begins giving him a nice pounding. Punk then picks up Buck as if to bodyslam him but then attempts to use him as a buffer weapon to knock out the Blob. It doesn’t work against the mutant; but Buck is lying on the ground attempting to shake it off when he realizes that Punk must have just been done with him once and for all. CM Punk is standing over Uncle Buck when he ignites his blue lightsaber and cocks it in a downward position as if to stab Buck in the chest, when Dora comes out of nowhere using Death Hammer’s knee as a leap board and knocks the lightsaber out of Punk’s hands and out of the ring. Punk attempts to punch her but she dodges the attack, backflips over the fallen Buck, looks at him and says: “Now we’re even”. She then disappears back into the crowd of larger opponents. This act was mostly in vain though as Abobo a short time later choke slammed Uncle Buck out of the ring a short time after he gained his composure. CM Punk begins wrasslin with the much larger Death Hammer, who is making snide 80’s style comic jokes in Old English, when the pro-wrestler is able to knock his magic .44 Magnum axe out of the ring. While the two of them are going at it, Dora sees it as opportunity to possibly use their momentum against them and eliminate CM Punk especially, but it doesn’t work out. Punk is quicker than she gave him credit for and he turns and grabs her out of mid-air. The jolt is so violent that it knocks her little woven cross necklace that so many young Mexican girls get on the first communion off of her and onto the mat before Punk throws her out of the ring for good. Punk then turns to Death Hammer and sends him out with a clothesline. Hogan then rushes over to CM Punk and offers him his hand in friendship. He is pointing over at The Blob as if to say that they need to work together to take him out but as they are shaking hands, The Blob launches Abobo at the duo and it sends Punk over the top rope. Punk is holding on but also cursing out Hogan, accusing him of treachery. Hogan is violently shaking his head no as if to tell him it was an accident; but Punk isn’t buying it. Hogan begins reaching over the top rope to give him his hand to bring him in and save him; but Punk won’t let go due to his distrust of Hollywood. CM Punk finally dramatically lets go with one hand and begins reaching for Hogan when The Blob breaks free from the bottom rope and rushes over to clothesline Hogan, causing him to slip and lose his grip on CM Punk’s hand, sending Punk into the lava. Hogan then dodges the attacks of The Blob and back tracks into the corner with Abobo whom he shakes hands with as if to make a final pact against The Blob, as it is now only the three of them who remain in the ring. Hogan and Abobo rush The Blob together but Hogan is knocked to the ground; while Abobo is picked up over the head of The Blob as the mutant shows off his true strength. Abobo is thrown from the ring….

And then there were two.

Hogan rushes at The Blob and is quickly knocked to the ground. He gets back up three more times but it is always the same result. Hollywood can barely stand back up after the abuse he has taken, and The Blob isn’t even budging. The Blob knocks Hollywood to the ground once more, but his time Hogan’s hand lands on a tiny foreign object. He sees the little handmade cross necklace of Dora and begins to remember that it wasn’t always like this….

He wasn’t always a bad guy…….

He used to believe in a power higher than himself…..

Higher than the glitz and glamour of Hollywood…..

The training….. The prayers….. The vitamins…. All The Hulkamaniacs around the world….

The Hulkster clutches the cross and then looks to the crowd for approval. The crowd starts to get up on their feet, when Hogan rips his black shirt off of his glistening muscular body, and pulls his bandana off as well. Hogan walks over to The Blob and gets punched, but this time he doesn’t fall…. The Blob punches him again, and then a third time; but now it is The Hulkster that is not budging. Hogan picks up his right hand and starts waving his finger “No” at The Blob who is flabbergasted at Hogan’s strength.

…Now it is Hogan’s turn….

Hulk hits the Blob in the face, and for the first time The Blob flinches, he hits a second time, a third, a fourth…. And The Blob is noticeably weakened. The Blob strikes back, but Hogan blocks it with his forearm and then hits him back again. Hogan goes in to throw The Blob over the ropes but he can’t quite lift The Blob, who knocks Hogan to the ground. But Hogan pops back up and resumes hitting The Blob. Blob is stunned as Hogan backs off a bit to regain his strength and composure and to raise his hands in the air as if to get power from the crowd who gives it back to him in full force as they erupt in screams of praise and applause. Hogan goes in for the kill again and puts himself in position to attempt a bodyslam. Hogan grabs The Blob and lifts him up to the top rope, and……..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fKJDAVvs_JA&feature=player_detailpage

Unlucky 13: Round 3- Kitties vs. Horsemen

The Super Orange Kitties and Cats are: Ant-Man(Scott Lang), Warpath, M.O.D.O.T., Robotman, Bedovian, Ravager, Heavy, Stass Allie, Wheeljack, Decepticon #5, Cowardly Lion, Finn McCool, Aunt May.

The Horsemen of Apokolips are" Taskmaster w/Indy's Whip, Deathstroke w/Luke's lightsaber, Exodus, High Evolutionary, Firestorm(Jason Rousch), White Lantern Sinestro, White Suit Anakin, Ce Ce Denowai, Green Lantern Springer, Red Lantern Slag, Black Hand, Smaug the Dragon, and Fry Guy #3.

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To:Josh From:NuFaGtu Sub:U13-R3
Just running this match by you. I call it "NuFaGtu's Checklist." Enjoy!

Witty Banter! More Taskmaster and Deathstroke hilarity!

Sniper Attack! Bedovian attacks from space, Exodus and Fry Guy #3 get their heads popped!

Lantern War! White Lantern Sinestro wastes Bedovian... IN SPAAAAACE!!!

Hot Robot Action! GL Springer and RL Slag vs. Wheeljack, Decepticon #5 and Robotman! GL Springer is the last man standing!

Minority Equality! Warpath stabs up Ce Ce Denowai!

Jedi Power Battle! White Suit Anakin slays Stass Allie!

Probable Sexual Delinquancy: High Evolutionary and Cowardly Lion leave, and neither are heard from again!

Obligatory Explosion! Firestorm and M.O.D.O.T. go KA-BOOOOOOSH!!!!

Smaug the Food Critic! Ant-Man:Potion size lacking. Finn McCool:Alcohol infused, delicious. Aunt May:Stale, undercooked. Heavy:Exquisite spice, would have again.

Racist Conspiracy? White Lantern Sinestro and White Suit Anakin team up to exterminate Warpath!

Maury Povich Style Drama! Deathstroke hesitates to take out his daughter Ravager. Taskmaster takes the killshot, add witty one-liner here. (You are not the father!)

There you have it, what do you think? -NuFaGtu.
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To:NuFaGtu Sub:RE:U13-R3

Good outline, I'm sure it will be entertaining when it's fleshed out a bit!

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To:Josh Sub:RE:U13-R3

Fleshed out? That's the match bro!

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To:NuFaGtu Sub:RE:U13-R3

Good Lord no!!! Do not, under ANY circumstances, post that dumpster fire!!!

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To:Josh Sub:REU13-R3

That's harsh! Aaaaaaand.... Too late. Posted.

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To:NuFaGtu Sub:RE:U13-R3

You're fired.

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To:Josh Sub:RE:U13-R3

LOL! See you at the draft!

FFL Royal Rumble Round 3!

Ring Ring Ring…The Twenty First person to enter the ring will be Mini Me

Peter: Oh thank god, saved by the bell.

Al Qaeda Terrorist #8: God, don’t you mean ALA!!! YOU MUST PRAISE HIM INFIDEL!!!

Out of nowhere, Peter’s face is covered in a mist of blood.

Peter: (Coughs) Oh wow, that was unexpected. And really violent.

Clone Trooper #51: What can I say, it is literally in my DNA to hate a dissenter.

Dexter Jettster: That’s right, you are one of those cloners.

Clone Trooper #51: Well technically I am one of the clones, not one of the cloners. I never actually helped with the cloning itself.

DJ: Well that is what I meant. Jeez, you don’t have to take me so literally when I talk.

CT #51: When you talk? You mean opposed to when you write.

DJ: You know what I mean, again you do not have to take me so…

Peter: And people accuse me of talking about nothing. This is so boring it reminds me of the time Jimmy Carter tried to free the slaves.

DJ: What? That doesn’t even make sense. The slaves were already free by the time Carter was born.

Peter: Well I know that.

CT #51: Then why did you say it if you already knew that?

Peter: Because if I didn’t then my character would literally serve no purpose whatsoever.

CT #51 & DJ: Your character serves a purpose?!?

Mini Me: Wow and I thought my movies were stupid.

DJ: Well hello there little guy, can I help you with something?

Mini Me: (Totally ignoring the four armed fat bastard) So, is anybody going to get rid of this smelly Arab dude with a blaster hole in his head?

DJ: Well isn't that cute. The little guy is trying to say something. So Cloner, are you going to do something about this body or just continue to stare at him?

CT #51: Yeah, I like to stare at my victims for a while after I finish them off. It does something to me down below that nothing else can quite come close to.

Peter: Did you just admit to getting off to dead bodies?

CT #51: It doesn’t get me off, it just gets me close. Kind of like my own personal four play.

DJ: That is sort of messed up my cloning friend.

CT #51: I am not a cloner you severely overweight slob.

Ring Ring Ring…The Twenty Second person to enter the ring is Force Adept #4

DJ: I am beginning to get sick of your inbred cloner attitude.

Mini Me: So we are just going to let this dead Arab rot in the corner instead of dumping his body into the lava? That is something we are just going to do and be okay with?

CT #51: Call me a cloner one more time and I will prove that this blaster rifle is even strong enough to make it through your twelve ton flesh pouch that you call a stomach.

DJ: I dare you to try such a barbaric act. Though again, I would expect nothing less from one of you cloners.

Clone Trooper #51 shoots his blaster at Dexter Jettster but before the blast is able to reach the diner owner, Peter Griffin jumps in front of the blast and takes the fatal hit to the gut.

CT #51: Why would you do that? I didn’t want you dead. Well, you know what I mean.

DJ: Thank you Peter but I do not understand your reasoning for such a heroic move.

Peter: All of your chatter about my life not having a purpose really gave me something to think about. You guys were right, I have lived a completely useless life and if I was going to go out, I wanted it to be worth something. I wanted to at the very least give my life some sort of meaning. Now I have given you your life Dex. Earn this. Earn this.

CT #51: Is it just me or was this just a long form way of Peter saying this is reminding him of the time Tom Hanks died in World War II to make sure Matt Damon could go on to make the Bourne movies?

Mini Me: So this is really what we are doing. Dead Arab is just rotting in the corner. This is great you guys, just great.

Force Adept #4: So what’s going on guys? Why isn’t anybody throwing these dead bodies over the top rope? Isn’t this how the Royal Rumble works?

DJ: We are not allowed to touch the bodies until the cloner over there finishes in his armor.

CT #51 tries to respond but is too aroused to make anything other than a low moaning sound that only Mini Me can hear.

Force Adept #4: So I guess I will take that as a no?

Ring Ring Ring…The Twenty Third person to enter the ring is Human Bomb

DJ: You done yet?

Force Adept #4: Is he really getting himself off right now?

DJ: It sure seems to be that way.

FA #4: Not that I am judging. I’m pretty impressed actually.

Mini Me: Two dead bodies now, wonderful.

FA #4: Seriously, I am jealous. You think you could teach me? I have a buddy who can do it without touching and everything. Something about watching the skin move…

DJ: You have the ability to use the force and you use it for such immoral reasons.

FA #4: No I want to use it for such immoral reasons. Like I said, my buddy can do that not me.

CT #51: Like I said to my fat friend over there, I don’t get off on it, I only get close.

FA #4: Get close. What’s the point of edging yourself to death if you have the ability to service yourself to completion? That’s like, well I can’t think of anything else that compares to it without just telling another jack off story.

Ring Ring Ring…The Twenty Forth person to enter the ring is Blue Ringed John Cena

Human Bomb: What the hell. I haven’t even made it to the ring yet.

The hope filled John Cena decides to not just to enter the ring, but enter the ring with flare. All the remaining combatants look to the roof of the arena and see the star of the WWE coming down from the rafters. A bright blue glow from his lantern ring helps slowly lower him to the wrestling ring so he can fight. Out of nowhere though a loud chant of “Cena Sucks. Cena Sucks. Cena Sucks” comes from the crowd and in a flash, the blue ring stops working and sends the WWE Superstar crashing towards the ring. His body lands smack dab in the middle of the ring, dead on impact.

Mini Me: Another F@#$ing Body! Will somebody please do something about this please!

DJ: Well that is just a shame. He was such a fine young man. A death like that always makes me put my own life in perspective.

CT #51: So does that mean you will only eat five plates of chili cheese fries today. I mean seriously, what’s higher, the national debt or your cholesterol?

FA #4: Ha Ha HA, good one man. Now come on, teach me to do the jack off trick.

CT #51: It’s not a trick and I’m not jacking off. I just get pleasure out of murdering people. I know it is f#%$ed up but it’s just the way it is.

Human Bomb: Does anybody care if I dump some of these bodies over the edge?

Mini Me: Thank you. It’s about damn time. You know what, I need to shake your hand. Get over here you son of a bitch and take that damn glove off and let me actually shake your hand.

Before Roy can even stop the little guy he rips his glove off and proceeds to shake his hand. The hand shake naturally causes the Austin Powers character to explode on contact which coats the remaining characters in very small bloody pieces.

Human Bomb: Poor little guy, I feel kind of bad about that. He just seemed so excited that I didn't even realize what he was doing until it was too late.

FA #4: You can’t touch anything without making it blow up? How on Alderaan do you live with yourself?

Human Bomb: I don’t quite understand where you are going with this.

DJ: (With a resigned look on his face) What the sad man over there is referring to is how on Coruscant you can live without being able to pleasure yourself with your bare hand.

Human Bomb: That is what the gloves are for. Twenty seconds with that thing on and I can make this thing explode as many times as I want without any negative consequences.

Dexter Jettster just backs up into the corner of the ring and shakes his head out of shame for everyone else in the ring.

Ring Ring Ring…The Twenty Fifth person to enter the ring is Age of Apocalypse Blob

CT #51: Hey check it out Dex, there actually is somebody out there who is fatter then you.

FA #4: Check this Trooper, I am going to force choke this dude before he even enters the ring.

The Force Adept attempts to use the force but nothing happens.

CT #51: Don’t even bother with that voodoo garbage, nothing like a trusty blaster to make everything right.

The Clone Trooper shoots about a hundred shots at the Blob to no avail.

The Blob then enters the ring and proceeds to beat every single person to death. Then one by one he dumped all the dead bodies into the pit via the top rope.

Ring Ring Ring…The Twenty Sixth person to enter the ring is Watchdog #4

The Watchdog ran down the ring as fast as his Nazi heart could take him. He then jumped into the ring and proceeded to die in half the time. The Blob then dumped his body over the top rope as well.

Ring Ring Ring…The Twenty Seventh person to enter the ring is Dora the Explorer

Instead of running towards the ring, Dora just hangs back and waits for the next person to be announced.

Ring Ring Ring…The Twenty Eighth person to enter the ring is Bill Lambier

Dora: Hey Bill, just chill out here with me unless you are loco.

Bill: I don’t take commands from a little girl.

Dora: It’s your funeral amigo.

Bill: Oh wait, is that the Blob? That boxer guy from the Wolverine movie?

Dora: Uh yeah, something like that.

Bill: Screw that then, if Wolverine can’t beat him then I don’t have a chance.

Dora: Yeah, that’s why you can’t beat him.

Ring Ring Ring…The Twenty Ninth person to enter the ring is Warg #4

The Warg races to the ring and quickly has its neck broken by the behemoth.

Ring Ring Ring…The Thirtieth person to enter the ring is Lightning

Bill: Yo Jen, get your hot ass over here and give us a hand.

Lightning: Screw you Bill, you misogynistic pig.

Dora: Sorry about that Jen but the only way we can defeat this guy is if all of us team up on him.

Lightning looks over at Dora and then hesitantly back at Bill.

Lightning: Okay fine. Let me go first though. I will send a blast at him first so you guys can get into the ring.

Dora: Okay that sounds good. Now BLAST him!

Lightning sends multiple shocks of electricity towards the X-Men villain that seems to stop him in his tracks long enough for the two remaining ring side characters to enter the ring.

Bill: Great job Jen, it seems to be working.

The Blob: Does it now?

The Blob then sends his gravitational field outwards towards the three remaining combatants and knocks them towards the pit of lava that is awaiting them. Dora is the first to get thrown over the top but the NBA All Star and the DC Comic book character are able to hold on. Lightning then extends her hand to Lambier for support, thinking this may help their cause.

Bill: Holding hands already? This is even easier than I thought it would be.

Lightning: Oh screw you pervert. You know what, why let the Blob have all the glory.

Jennifer Pierce sends a blast of electricity through the body of the former world champion, which knocks him over the top rope.

Bill: I always knew you were a bitttttcchhhhhhhh!!!!!!

As Lambier lands into the lava, a small smirk appears on his face as he sinks to the bottom of the pit.

Lightning then gives it one more go as she once more sends a blast towards the immovable object. The move does not pay off though as she is eventually sent over the top rope herself. The Blob screams in victory as he knows nobody else coming in can come close to taking him out.

As the Pay Per View cameras pan out, they show a ring that includes nothing but the massive fat man all by himself. Though to those few viewers out there with a keen enough eye, there is a small flapping of a tattered cape on the bottom edge of the outside of the ring. The flapping is outside the view of Frederick Dukes, but the clever little Explorer that is Dora, is still somehow hanging on for dear life.

Layanderlet's Super Orange Kitties and Cats Living Together to Make a New Family Vs. The Royal Highness

Laya’s Squad is Ant Man, Armor, Nocturne, (Kingdom Come) Hawkman, (Kingdom Come) Alan Scott, Monarch, Warmaster Tsavong Lah, Feral, Nightbird, Decepticon #4, The Lorax, Bendonner, and Reepicheep'

The Royal Highness is Nova, (original) Beast, Phantom Stranger, Chriselion, Hush, Chameleon, Micah Jiett, Jedi Master #41, Sunstreaker, The Ideon, Black Lantern Super Soldier, Invincible, Linus Van Pelt.


Hey, Joshatu here. Here’s the deal, I just got back from The Virgin Islands and I don’t feel like doing anything if it doesn’t involve a beach or an enormous cigar; so I’m going to break down this match into a one on one battle between the teams until both of these exceptional squads are done and move on to the finals. But the problem I found was that I couldn’t find anybody that wanted to write the whole thing, so I just went into the multiverse and randomly grabbed the first people I saw to watch each part of the match until I had enough to complete it…. Enjoy……….

How ya doing, this is John Ritter. I just walked on to the set of Three’s Company and boy did I ever fall into a fresh set of antics this time (**LAUGH TRACK**). But this catastrophe wasn’t as bad as the one that Ant Man faced, when he was totally obliterated by Nova.
Hi all, this is Duff McKagen from Guns N’ Roses. I’m wasted but I totally just saw Beast beat the crap out of the force field chick armor. She looked way more powerful and stuff; but he was smarter or .something and must of known how to exploit her powers…….. Weird…… Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to go buy some stocks.
Hello Kemosabe, this Tanto, friend to Lone Ranger and friend to Fantasy Fantasy. Nocturne has done much teleporting. The teleporting was fast. But Phantom Stranger was powerful as the Ghost dance and he won battle for the land and spirits.
Sufferin Succotash!! Thisss is Sylvester. I’m a cat. And that huge Hawkman, looks DELISHUSS!! But I don’t think I’m gonna messssss with em after the way he just waxed that disco ball green lantern Chrisssssselion.
Hi, I’m Prince Adam. Don’t tell anybody I’m He-Man. Unless you’re going to tell Hush, because he just got wasted by Green lantern magic. The End. And remember, don’t tell anybody I’m He-Man.
President Calvin Coolidge (man of few words). Said: Monarch beat Chameleon.
Hi suckas, this is Bryan Beckerman. I’m here to watch the pitched battle between Micah Jiett and Warmaster Tsavong Lah. I was chosen to do this match because I’m the only guy left in the Multiverse that remembers who these two dudes actually are (and cause I’ve got the world’s biggest SCHLONG!!: BEEYATCH!!)! Naturally, The Warmaster wins the fight after Master Jiett’s very powerful force powers are removed due to his natural Yuuzhong Vhonn abilities…. Duh.
Hey, this is Justin Bieber. It’s okay, I know you love me. Feral killed Jedi Master #41. Nah dawg, it wasn’t with claws it was with a lightsaber yo. SO!! You’re mom went to jail.

Hello fellow Cybertronians, this is the bearer of the matrix Alpha Trion. Nightbird, who would someday defeat my predecessor Optimus Prime, has easily dispatched the Autobot Sunstreaker. Now follow your souls friends.
“Dirty Diapers”!! This is Fantastic Max!! Well along came Ideon and the fun time started and Decepticon #4 is dead again. And you readers owe it all to my 4 ply diaper and this safety pin. FANTASTIC MAX!!!!s
Confucious say: The Lorax is wise; but he can’t beat Black Lantern Super Soldier.i
AYE!! I am William Wallace. An I jus witnessed Invincible fly right up the arse of Bendonner and kill the giant with his bear head. It was bloody hilarious!!
I’m Charlie Brown. I’m sad. My friend Linus is dead. Reepicheep was very fast and he killed my friend Linus. It made me sad.
Round 2
PEEKA!! Peeka. Peeeeeeca. Peeka. (*translation*). Hi, I’m Pikachu. I’m a Pokemon. It took a while for Invincible to catch Reepicheep, but when he did, he killed him.
Hey ya sissies!! Dis is Andrew Dice Clay ya folla. Ring around the Rosey, a black lantern shield on your toesies. Ashes, ashes da dumb ninja chick falls down. OHH!! Super Soldier beats Nightbird, ya folla.
This is Poop Man, I’m not a real person, or even a real character. But Josh wishes I was. But let me tell ya, even as a fake character that is 100% made of poop, I could tell you that The Ideon killed Feral, and then Feral pooped himself and I thought it was awesome (so did Josh).
Hello my children, this is Jesus. I wish that no killing would take place. Though shalt treat your neighbor as you would like to be treated. The Phantom Stranger did not obey this golden rule when he killed The Warmaster Tsavong Lah. But I forgive him, and I still love them both.
Good day, I am Peppin the Short. I’m a very interesting person in history, and if you do not know who I am you should use Wikipedia to find out. One thing you will not find in your research is that I just saw Monarch kill (original) Beast. They would both have fit in my army well.
Hello, for the sake of pluralism and political correctness I am Eleanor of Aquitaine. I am interesting as well (probably more interesting). Look me up too!! By the way Alan Scott’s crusade was successful against Nova.
Hi, this is Josh Houslander. I’m awesome. That punk Hawkman just got wasted by The Phantom Stranger cuz he sucks. TOLD YA RYAN!!
THIS IS ROSEY O’DONELL!! Alan Scott wins the fight over The Ideon, because Alan Scott is gay and gay is the way!! Plus, I’ve never heard of The Ideon, I mean who has??
Hey, this is Becks again, I’m breaking the rules and going twice. Black Lantern Super Soldier and Monarch kill each other, because they are both so powerful. HA!! This battle was soooooo pitched that it was a tie!! And you said no ties Josh. HA!! You suck Houslander!! Eff You!!
This is Vladimir Putin. I will decide match. Alan Scott is very strong, even though he is gay. If he live in Russia he would not be. America has failed him, not magic ring that work great. But he not strong enough to fight both Phantom Stranger and Invincible. They are strangely phantom like and Invincible once they form team. They won this match. Thanks to me for watching it and for Russia for being strong. Ukraine is weak. U.S. is weak. Russia strong. This match is over. Thank you for reading it. Yes it was stupid. Russis is not stupid. But at least match was better than the Olympics. And safer too.