Points: 500
Setting: Coruscant
Prize: A Red Lightsaber
-The Horsemen of Apokolips Vs. The Right Wing (Josh)
-TEAM Vs. Xavier's Annihilation Squad (Mike)
-Built (Bill) Ford Tough Vs. Better Than All of You (Bryan)
-Logical Genocide Vs. The Syracuse Valley (Josh)
-Team S.P. Vs. Pop-Superstar Hannah Montana & President Barack Obama's "Best of Both Worlds" Touring Battalion of Commandos (Bryan)
-Alice's Wonder Team Vs. The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets (Ryan)
-The Abomitrons Vs. Hayley's Comets (Josh)
-Beckerman's Backyardigans: Beeyatches Vs. P.M.S. (Josh)
-Bruce's Bodacious Bullies Vs. The Transfoamers (Ryan)
-The Untouchables Vs. Brock Sampson's Fighting Murderflies (Ryan)
-Michael Vick's Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve Vs. Le' Napoleon Brigade (Nick)
-Oblivio Vs. George Washington's Slaves (Bryan)
Saturday, March 13, 2010
Le' Napoleon Brigade Vs. Team S.P.
Le’ Napoleon Brigade is Aquagirl, The shark (from Jaws), The Shark (from Jaws 2), Golden Age Wonder Woman in her invisible Jet, The Lochness Monster, & Pee Wee Herman.
Team S.P. is Namor the Sub-Mariner & his Griffin, Mimic, Aspen Matthews, Black Manta, Ultron, SHIELD Agent #1 & 2, Navy Sailor #1.
Both teams are dropped into the freezing cold water, and the fight instantly ensues. Both teams are anxious to get started, due to the fact that both of them actually have quite a bit in common. They are both teams that have made the play-offs in the past, but have never won their division. They have both been in the league, and under the same management since year 1, they have both been considered water powerhouses since the very beginning, yet this is the first time that they have ever met in battle. Wonder Woman patrols the air in her Invisible Jet, she is both anxious and honored to have been chosen as a starter for the first time ever, and for being Le’ Napoleon Brigade’s first round draft pick this year (although she does find it somewhat strange that she got the start in a water match, when such characters as The Sando Aqua Monster, Namora, & Namorita are sitting on the bench). But the team is happy to have somebody in the air who has their backs. Namor’s Griffin takes to the air as well and begins moving toward Wonder Woman and her jet, while Ultron begins to target the amazon queen from the water. The other fighters begin to pair off into one on one fights. Aspen and Aquagirl square off, while Namor takes on The Lochness Monster and Mimic (who has taken on the powers of Namor, Aspen, & Aquagirl) begins fighting with the massive Great White Shark (the one from the first Jaws). The other Great White Shark almost instantly devours the 2 SHIELD Agents, but then begins battling with Black Manta. The most interesting fight of all, is of course Navy Sailor #1 (the uno, as the call him in the S.P. locker room) and Pee Wee Herman. Jaws 2 is now on a blood-thirsty rampage, the massive shark is shot by some advanced weaponry by Black Manta, including some of his patented eye lasers; but the huge shark just keeps coming and swallows Black Manta whole. Aquagirl, is pretty tough; but she is no match for Aspen who is able to not only become part of the water; but to control it as well. Aquagirl’s swimming ability and strength are great even by Atlantean standards but Aspen still manages to make quick work of her by crushing her in the super-pressurized water that she is controlling. Wonder Woman is anxious to make a name for herself, and she begins to do so almost immediately. She sets a few controls on her Invisible Jet and then jumps out of it all together. She free-falls out of the jet and lands on the back of Namor’s Griffin. The 2 of them struggle with each other in mid-air until Wonder Woman manages to get her powerful arms around the neck of the red griffin and snap it. She is now falling rapidly (If you are strictly a slappy of newer comics, Golden Age Wonder Woman cannot fly like the one you may be used to), but this is no problem because her auto-piloted Invisible Jet comes swooping underneath her and she lands safely in the cockpit to resume her piloting of it: I bet you didn’t see that coming……………… Get it, cause the jet is invisible. Ultron begins shooting numerous projectiles at Wonder Woman, but it is nothing that the Wayne Industries installed counter-measures cannot deflect or evade. Ultron is then a sitting duck for Wonder Woman to target with everything she has got and to blow in to a million pieces in the water (not very green of her I might add). The Lochness Monster breaks away from his fight with Namor for just a minute so he can eat Navy Sailor #1, who had just gotten done drowning Pee Wee Herman. Namor swims back up to finish the fight though and grabs Nessie by the tail. Namor then throws Nessie out of the water and flies out to meet him in the air. Namor then begins to pummel the dinosaur (or is it) so viciously, that it is dead before they both land back in the water. Mimic, with his menagerie of stolen powers is able to use them to first disorient Jaws with his manipulation of the water, and then pull the shark down deep and hold it still. Once the shark is buried in the sands of the water, with Mimic holding it down the shark is unable to filter water thru its gills and in essence drowns when it cannot move throughout the water. Namor regroups with both Mimic and Aspen, and the 3 of them are easily able to overcome the Great White from Jaws 2, despite its major hunger and fierce attacks. Wonder Woman, is now the only remaining member of the Brigade and knows what she must do. This year’s first pick for the brigade and first pick off page F jumps into the water to do battle with Namor, Mimic, & Aspen. Wonder Woman’s strength and fighting ability are only matched by her bravery and honor, but in the end it will be this week’s setting that decides this match as she is simply overwhelmed by Team S.P.’s classic water trio.
TEAM S.P. IS VICTORIOUS!
Team S.P. is Namor the Sub-Mariner & his Griffin, Mimic, Aspen Matthews, Black Manta, Ultron, SHIELD Agent #1 & 2, Navy Sailor #1.
Both teams are dropped into the freezing cold water, and the fight instantly ensues. Both teams are anxious to get started, due to the fact that both of them actually have quite a bit in common. They are both teams that have made the play-offs in the past, but have never won their division. They have both been in the league, and under the same management since year 1, they have both been considered water powerhouses since the very beginning, yet this is the first time that they have ever met in battle. Wonder Woman patrols the air in her Invisible Jet, she is both anxious and honored to have been chosen as a starter for the first time ever, and for being Le’ Napoleon Brigade’s first round draft pick this year (although she does find it somewhat strange that she got the start in a water match, when such characters as The Sando Aqua Monster, Namora, & Namorita are sitting on the bench). But the team is happy to have somebody in the air who has their backs. Namor’s Griffin takes to the air as well and begins moving toward Wonder Woman and her jet, while Ultron begins to target the amazon queen from the water. The other fighters begin to pair off into one on one fights. Aspen and Aquagirl square off, while Namor takes on The Lochness Monster and Mimic (who has taken on the powers of Namor, Aspen, & Aquagirl) begins fighting with the massive Great White Shark (the one from the first Jaws). The other Great White Shark almost instantly devours the 2 SHIELD Agents, but then begins battling with Black Manta. The most interesting fight of all, is of course Navy Sailor #1 (the uno, as the call him in the S.P. locker room) and Pee Wee Herman. Jaws 2 is now on a blood-thirsty rampage, the massive shark is shot by some advanced weaponry by Black Manta, including some of his patented eye lasers; but the huge shark just keeps coming and swallows Black Manta whole. Aquagirl, is pretty tough; but she is no match for Aspen who is able to not only become part of the water; but to control it as well. Aquagirl’s swimming ability and strength are great even by Atlantean standards but Aspen still manages to make quick work of her by crushing her in the super-pressurized water that she is controlling. Wonder Woman is anxious to make a name for herself, and she begins to do so almost immediately. She sets a few controls on her Invisible Jet and then jumps out of it all together. She free-falls out of the jet and lands on the back of Namor’s Griffin. The 2 of them struggle with each other in mid-air until Wonder Woman manages to get her powerful arms around the neck of the red griffin and snap it. She is now falling rapidly (If you are strictly a slappy of newer comics, Golden Age Wonder Woman cannot fly like the one you may be used to), but this is no problem because her auto-piloted Invisible Jet comes swooping underneath her and she lands safely in the cockpit to resume her piloting of it: I bet you didn’t see that coming……………… Get it, cause the jet is invisible. Ultron begins shooting numerous projectiles at Wonder Woman, but it is nothing that the Wayne Industries installed counter-measures cannot deflect or evade. Ultron is then a sitting duck for Wonder Woman to target with everything she has got and to blow in to a million pieces in the water (not very green of her I might add). The Lochness Monster breaks away from his fight with Namor for just a minute so he can eat Navy Sailor #1, who had just gotten done drowning Pee Wee Herman. Namor swims back up to finish the fight though and grabs Nessie by the tail. Namor then throws Nessie out of the water and flies out to meet him in the air. Namor then begins to pummel the dinosaur (or is it) so viciously, that it is dead before they both land back in the water. Mimic, with his menagerie of stolen powers is able to use them to first disorient Jaws with his manipulation of the water, and then pull the shark down deep and hold it still. Once the shark is buried in the sands of the water, with Mimic holding it down the shark is unable to filter water thru its gills and in essence drowns when it cannot move throughout the water. Namor regroups with both Mimic and Aspen, and the 3 of them are easily able to overcome the Great White from Jaws 2, despite its major hunger and fierce attacks. Wonder Woman, is now the only remaining member of the Brigade and knows what she must do. This year’s first pick for the brigade and first pick off page F jumps into the water to do battle with Namor, Mimic, & Aspen. Wonder Woman’s strength and fighting ability are only matched by her bravery and honor, but in the end it will be this week’s setting that decides this match as she is simply overwhelmed by Team S.P.’s classic water trio.
TEAM S.P. IS VICTORIOUS!
The Right Wing Vs. Oblivio
The Right Wing is Poseidon, Silver Surfer, Phibian #1 & 2, & Opee Sea Killer #1 & 2.
Oblivio is Darwin, Triton, Dementor #10, & The Tiger Sharks: Lorka, Mako, Walro, Dolph, Octavia Angel, & Dog Fish.
As these 2 teams are dropped into the water, they waste no time coming at each other. Both the Dementor and Silver Surfer use their powers of flight to stay out of the water, but this does not work out well for the much slower moving Dementor. Silver Surfer, who is not happy after his barroom loss last week does not need to cast any spells as he uses the power cosmic to blast the Dementor into nothingness. The Surfer moves against Darwin next, who is already adapting nicely to his watery surroundings. Darwin has grown both gills and fins since hitting the water only a few minutes prior. Darwin and his powers work fast, but Silver Surfer isn’t exactly known for taking his time either. The Surfer swoops down and starts barraging Darwin with cosmic blasts. Darwin gains a protective coating over his body which shields him from the attacks, but Silver Surfer blasts down into the water and begins pummeling him with sheer brute force. Darwin’s body cannot withstand the abuse, so it teleports away from the beating. Silver Surfer refuses to give up though, and continually follows Darwin from Solar System to Solar System until he is eventually destroyed. Darwin eventually dies from this exchange, but he at least removes Silver Surfer from the battle as well (not that Silver Surfer dies, he just simply cannot return in time to further aid his team). Poseidon meets with his son Triton down in the murky depths of the ocean. The 2 exchange pleasantries for quite some time, before Triton states to his father that he “knows” that Poseidon will never kill his own son just simply to win a match in this meaningless league. Triton reveals that he realizes that he is but a newcomer to the FFL, but that it cannot possibly be as worthwhile as even the slightest event on Mt. Olympus or in the lives of the gods of old. Poseidon chooses not to answer with words, but instead with action. Poseidon was about to tell his son that he will be a water powerhouse in this league when he is not cursed with having to fight the god of all things aquatic, but as he is sticking his trident into Triton he knows that that is something he will have to find out for himself. Lorka is leading the Tiger Sharks, in a heated battle against the Opee Sea Killers and Phibians. The Phibians manage to take out both Dolph and Angel, while the other Tiger Sharks are concentrating on The Big Goober Fish. Dog Fish and Walro are both eaten up by the Nubian Sea Creatures, but Lorka and Mako are both able to evade the attacks of the huge fish and put a killing blow on both of the Opee Sea Killers (was it because they are the best 2 Tiger Sharks or because the Opee Sea Killers just weren’t as hungry anymore??……… We may never know). Octavia is also able to take out Phibian #12 before Phibian #11 puts a spear thru the eight limbed Tiger Shark. Phibian #11 then finds himself surrounded by Lorka and Mako. The Phibian is about to resign himself to the thought of his own demise when Poseidon swims up to lend a hand. Lorka and Mako continue the valiant fight which they had executed consistently throughout this match but it is simply not enough considering what they are up against. Poseidon looks to his Phibian minion as they are returning to The Right Wing headquarters and says: “I foresee that that team has the potential to be a great force in the water, it is almost to bad that they had to go up against us first”.
THE RIGHT WING IS VICTORIOUS!
Oblivio is Darwin, Triton, Dementor #10, & The Tiger Sharks: Lorka, Mako, Walro, Dolph, Octavia Angel, & Dog Fish.
As these 2 teams are dropped into the water, they waste no time coming at each other. Both the Dementor and Silver Surfer use their powers of flight to stay out of the water, but this does not work out well for the much slower moving Dementor. Silver Surfer, who is not happy after his barroom loss last week does not need to cast any spells as he uses the power cosmic to blast the Dementor into nothingness. The Surfer moves against Darwin next, who is already adapting nicely to his watery surroundings. Darwin has grown both gills and fins since hitting the water only a few minutes prior. Darwin and his powers work fast, but Silver Surfer isn’t exactly known for taking his time either. The Surfer swoops down and starts barraging Darwin with cosmic blasts. Darwin gains a protective coating over his body which shields him from the attacks, but Silver Surfer blasts down into the water and begins pummeling him with sheer brute force. Darwin’s body cannot withstand the abuse, so it teleports away from the beating. Silver Surfer refuses to give up though, and continually follows Darwin from Solar System to Solar System until he is eventually destroyed. Darwin eventually dies from this exchange, but he at least removes Silver Surfer from the battle as well (not that Silver Surfer dies, he just simply cannot return in time to further aid his team). Poseidon meets with his son Triton down in the murky depths of the ocean. The 2 exchange pleasantries for quite some time, before Triton states to his father that he “knows” that Poseidon will never kill his own son just simply to win a match in this meaningless league. Triton reveals that he realizes that he is but a newcomer to the FFL, but that it cannot possibly be as worthwhile as even the slightest event on Mt. Olympus or in the lives of the gods of old. Poseidon chooses not to answer with words, but instead with action. Poseidon was about to tell his son that he will be a water powerhouse in this league when he is not cursed with having to fight the god of all things aquatic, but as he is sticking his trident into Triton he knows that that is something he will have to find out for himself. Lorka is leading the Tiger Sharks, in a heated battle against the Opee Sea Killers and Phibians. The Phibians manage to take out both Dolph and Angel, while the other Tiger Sharks are concentrating on The Big Goober Fish. Dog Fish and Walro are both eaten up by the Nubian Sea Creatures, but Lorka and Mako are both able to evade the attacks of the huge fish and put a killing blow on both of the Opee Sea Killers (was it because they are the best 2 Tiger Sharks or because the Opee Sea Killers just weren’t as hungry anymore??……… We may never know). Octavia is also able to take out Phibian #12 before Phibian #11 puts a spear thru the eight limbed Tiger Shark. Phibian #11 then finds himself surrounded by Lorka and Mako. The Phibian is about to resign himself to the thought of his own demise when Poseidon swims up to lend a hand. Lorka and Mako continue the valiant fight which they had executed consistently throughout this match but it is simply not enough considering what they are up against. Poseidon looks to his Phibian minion as they are returning to The Right Wing headquarters and says: “I foresee that that team has the potential to be a great force in the water, it is almost to bad that they had to go up against us first”.
THE RIGHT WING IS VICTORIOUS!
Better Than All of You Vs. Bruce's Bodacious Bullies
Better Than All of You is Aquaman, Aqualad, Aquababy, N.S.-5 #1-3, & Doozer #4 & 6.
Bruce’s Bodacious Bullies are Hydro-Man, Nightmare, Black Alice, The Creature from the Black Lagoon, The Stranger, & Navy Sailor #57.
The Stranger levitates above the water, exercising patience in the face of this first ever inter-league match for The Bullies. Up in the air, The Stranger knows that he is safe from his water-powered opponents, for the time being. Aquaman exercises the same type of caution, not only with himself, but with his entire team. Aquaman is unsure of what aquatic powers his opponents possess, but he is certain that his team, can handle the icy cold depths of the ocean better than any squad out there. Aquaman, Aqualad, & Aquababy have no problem whatsoever diving down into the depths of the ocean. The N.S.-5’s are able to handle it well themselves, although they do require help from their 3 Atlantean teammates to get down there. Only the 2 Doozers are unable to achieve this, but the brave little Fraggles volunteer to stay on the water’s surface where they are floating on a twig. The brave Doozer #4, whose first appearance with Better Than All of You (actually then known as Team Joe) was in Season 1 Week 1 vows that he and his Doozer Comrade will be the first wave of the Betters attack. “We are Better Than All, and we will not be bullied, now take are team into the depths and set up camp. I will not let you down Captain” Doozer #4 says to Aquaman before he begins his aquatic descent. It takes only a matter of seconds for Aquaman and his squad to dive deeper into the waters than any regular human being could withstand. Hydro-Man, although usually more of a henchman type is thrust into a bit of a leadership role which he is actually handling pretty well. The Stranger was considered the leader of this squad, but ever since the team was dropped into the water, the cosmic entity has been somewhat aloof and has shown little interest toward the idea of diving into the icy waters himself. Nightmare, has also taken to the air after having felt the freezing water on his pasty white skin. Black Alice, is treading water behind Hydro-Man and The Creature from the Black lagoon, but without any of the members of Better Than all of You being visible, she is unable to use her powers on them. Black Alice is freezing as she swims thru the icy waters and has no desire to freeze to death in her first ever FFL appearance. Black Alice looks up into the air at her teammate The Stranger; the supposedly all-powerful cosmic being who is levitating above the water parading his apathy toward this league and their team. It is this that is going thru the mind of Black Alice as she steals The Stranger’s powers of invulnerability and energy projection (among many others). It is not that Black Alice had any desire to kill one of her own teammates, but considering the fact that there are no members of Better Than All of You around to attack, she had to do something. Plus, if he isn’t going to use his powers for the good of the team, than somebody should. The Stranger’s powerless body falls into the water, where he drowns without any of his power cosmic to aid him (even though swimming may be considered an easy task by a human, a cosmic being such as The Stranger needs his power to even execute the most simple of tasks). Hydro-Man is about to lead his team on an attack against Aquaman and his under-water lurking crew, but he catches a glimpse of the 2 little Doozers floating on the stick and decide that they should eliminate these 2 loose ends before they begin their real attack. Doozer #4 looks over at Doozer #6 and says: “get ready”. The Creature of the Black Lagoon is sent over to destroy them by Hydro-Man, but when the creature gets there, Doozer #4 jumps into the air and takes his sharpened piece of radish-based construction material and stabs it into the eye of the Creature, killing him instantly. Hydro-Man, Black Alice, Nightmare, and Navy Sailor #54 are in complete amazement at what they have just witnessed. This incredible kill by the Doozer will be remembered in The Fantasy Fantasy archives forever; but in the end it is merely a sacrifice as Black Alice uses The Stranger’s energy projection powers to vaporize both Doozers with a flick of her wrist. Hydro-Man and Nightmare come to the realization, that their team has suffered far to many deaths to a match that hasn’t really even started yet. With this idea being widely accepted by all members of the Bullies, Hydro- Man, Nightmare, & Black Alice are actually working pretty well together trying to decide how they can use their amalgamation of powers to get deep enough to find the “cowardly” members of Better Than All of You when Aquaman and his crew suddenly surface ready to fight. Hydro-Man, who is by far the most comfortable Bodacious Bully in the water attempts to use his powers of water manipulation against the Betters, but he unfortunately finds that his powers, although similar are no match for Aqualad’s. When Hydro-Man tries to use the water as a weapon against Aqualad, he finds that Garth is able to repel the water thru his natural ability to sustain water pressure, but that Hydro-Man, being made of water is much more susceptible to Aqualad’s similar power. Garth basically just disperses the water-based molecules that make up Hydro-Man’s body to destroy him. Aqualad then attempts to use the ocean’s undertow to drown Sailor #57, but Aqualad’s own teammates the N.S.-5s save the life of the sailor because of their programming of the 3rd law, which prevents them from allowing a human being to be harmed. Most N.S.-5’s throughout the league have been programmed to be able to attack non-human opponents (even if they appear humanoid) but they have never been able to program out the basic 3 laws system that runs their basic functions. Nightmare attacks Aquaman mentally by making him believe that his worst nightmare has come true and that Arthur Jr. (Aquababy) has once again been murdered. Aquaman is sent into an absolute rage over this and leaps out of the water to attack Nightmare. Aquaman pulls Nightmare down into the water, where the 2 of them begin battling. Meanwhile Navy Sailor #57 attacks the N.S.-5s. These robots should be more than capable of ripping the Navy man apart, but their programming forbids such action. The sailor destroys N.S.-5 # 2 while Black Alice uses her stolen cosmic powers to destroy the other 2 robots. While Aquaman struggles with Nightmare, believing that Aquababy is already dead, Black Alice dives back into the water and kills Aquababy for real. Nightmare is a powerful foe, but in this particular setting is no match for Aquaman. Aquaman may be very afraid as he is battling with the villain, but it is not enough to tip the scales against him. Aquaman uses his superhuman water-fueled strength to snap Nightmare’s mystical neck. Despite the obvious water-based disadvantage that Black Alice has, she is holding her own pretty well against Aqualad. This pitched battle ends when Aquaman shows up to help out his sidekick. Black Alice blasts both Aquaman and Aqualad with cosmic energy that probably would have killed them, had they not been swimming in the water that fuels their powers. The enraged Aqua-team then swims underneath Black Alice and each grabs a leg. Although Black Alice, with her current powers is extremely strong, she is not quite strong enough to stay above water, as the 2 Atlanteans drag her deep down to the ocean floor until she eventually cannot sustain the depths or pressure. Aquaman and his sidekick then begin swimming back to base when Aqualad asks his partner: “what about that Navy Sailor”? “I took care of it” Aquaman says to his young assistant. They are already about halfway home when the lone sailor begins to be devoured by The Greenland Shark that Aquaman sent there telepathically for an easy dinner.
BETTER THAN ALL OF YOU ARE VICTORIOUS!
Bruce’s Bodacious Bullies are Hydro-Man, Nightmare, Black Alice, The Creature from the Black Lagoon, The Stranger, & Navy Sailor #57.
The Stranger levitates above the water, exercising patience in the face of this first ever inter-league match for The Bullies. Up in the air, The Stranger knows that he is safe from his water-powered opponents, for the time being. Aquaman exercises the same type of caution, not only with himself, but with his entire team. Aquaman is unsure of what aquatic powers his opponents possess, but he is certain that his team, can handle the icy cold depths of the ocean better than any squad out there. Aquaman, Aqualad, & Aquababy have no problem whatsoever diving down into the depths of the ocean. The N.S.-5’s are able to handle it well themselves, although they do require help from their 3 Atlantean teammates to get down there. Only the 2 Doozers are unable to achieve this, but the brave little Fraggles volunteer to stay on the water’s surface where they are floating on a twig. The brave Doozer #4, whose first appearance with Better Than All of You (actually then known as Team Joe) was in Season 1 Week 1 vows that he and his Doozer Comrade will be the first wave of the Betters attack. “We are Better Than All, and we will not be bullied, now take are team into the depths and set up camp. I will not let you down Captain” Doozer #4 says to Aquaman before he begins his aquatic descent. It takes only a matter of seconds for Aquaman and his squad to dive deeper into the waters than any regular human being could withstand. Hydro-Man, although usually more of a henchman type is thrust into a bit of a leadership role which he is actually handling pretty well. The Stranger was considered the leader of this squad, but ever since the team was dropped into the water, the cosmic entity has been somewhat aloof and has shown little interest toward the idea of diving into the icy waters himself. Nightmare, has also taken to the air after having felt the freezing water on his pasty white skin. Black Alice, is treading water behind Hydro-Man and The Creature from the Black lagoon, but without any of the members of Better Than all of You being visible, she is unable to use her powers on them. Black Alice is freezing as she swims thru the icy waters and has no desire to freeze to death in her first ever FFL appearance. Black Alice looks up into the air at her teammate The Stranger; the supposedly all-powerful cosmic being who is levitating above the water parading his apathy toward this league and their team. It is this that is going thru the mind of Black Alice as she steals The Stranger’s powers of invulnerability and energy projection (among many others). It is not that Black Alice had any desire to kill one of her own teammates, but considering the fact that there are no members of Better Than All of You around to attack, she had to do something. Plus, if he isn’t going to use his powers for the good of the team, than somebody should. The Stranger’s powerless body falls into the water, where he drowns without any of his power cosmic to aid him (even though swimming may be considered an easy task by a human, a cosmic being such as The Stranger needs his power to even execute the most simple of tasks). Hydro-Man is about to lead his team on an attack against Aquaman and his under-water lurking crew, but he catches a glimpse of the 2 little Doozers floating on the stick and decide that they should eliminate these 2 loose ends before they begin their real attack. Doozer #4 looks over at Doozer #6 and says: “get ready”. The Creature of the Black Lagoon is sent over to destroy them by Hydro-Man, but when the creature gets there, Doozer #4 jumps into the air and takes his sharpened piece of radish-based construction material and stabs it into the eye of the Creature, killing him instantly. Hydro-Man, Black Alice, Nightmare, and Navy Sailor #54 are in complete amazement at what they have just witnessed. This incredible kill by the Doozer will be remembered in The Fantasy Fantasy archives forever; but in the end it is merely a sacrifice as Black Alice uses The Stranger’s energy projection powers to vaporize both Doozers with a flick of her wrist. Hydro-Man and Nightmare come to the realization, that their team has suffered far to many deaths to a match that hasn’t really even started yet. With this idea being widely accepted by all members of the Bullies, Hydro- Man, Nightmare, & Black Alice are actually working pretty well together trying to decide how they can use their amalgamation of powers to get deep enough to find the “cowardly” members of Better Than All of You when Aquaman and his crew suddenly surface ready to fight. Hydro-Man, who is by far the most comfortable Bodacious Bully in the water attempts to use his powers of water manipulation against the Betters, but he unfortunately finds that his powers, although similar are no match for Aqualad’s. When Hydro-Man tries to use the water as a weapon against Aqualad, he finds that Garth is able to repel the water thru his natural ability to sustain water pressure, but that Hydro-Man, being made of water is much more susceptible to Aqualad’s similar power. Garth basically just disperses the water-based molecules that make up Hydro-Man’s body to destroy him. Aqualad then attempts to use the ocean’s undertow to drown Sailor #57, but Aqualad’s own teammates the N.S.-5s save the life of the sailor because of their programming of the 3rd law, which prevents them from allowing a human being to be harmed. Most N.S.-5’s throughout the league have been programmed to be able to attack non-human opponents (even if they appear humanoid) but they have never been able to program out the basic 3 laws system that runs their basic functions. Nightmare attacks Aquaman mentally by making him believe that his worst nightmare has come true and that Arthur Jr. (Aquababy) has once again been murdered. Aquaman is sent into an absolute rage over this and leaps out of the water to attack Nightmare. Aquaman pulls Nightmare down into the water, where the 2 of them begin battling. Meanwhile Navy Sailor #57 attacks the N.S.-5s. These robots should be more than capable of ripping the Navy man apart, but their programming forbids such action. The sailor destroys N.S.-5 # 2 while Black Alice uses her stolen cosmic powers to destroy the other 2 robots. While Aquaman struggles with Nightmare, believing that Aquababy is already dead, Black Alice dives back into the water and kills Aquababy for real. Nightmare is a powerful foe, but in this particular setting is no match for Aquaman. Aquaman may be very afraid as he is battling with the villain, but it is not enough to tip the scales against him. Aquaman uses his superhuman water-fueled strength to snap Nightmare’s mystical neck. Despite the obvious water-based disadvantage that Black Alice has, she is holding her own pretty well against Aqualad. This pitched battle ends when Aquaman shows up to help out his sidekick. Black Alice blasts both Aquaman and Aqualad with cosmic energy that probably would have killed them, had they not been swimming in the water that fuels their powers. The enraged Aqua-team then swims underneath Black Alice and each grabs a leg. Although Black Alice, with her current powers is extremely strong, she is not quite strong enough to stay above water, as the 2 Atlanteans drag her deep down to the ocean floor until she eventually cannot sustain the depths or pressure. Aquaman and his sidekick then begin swimming back to base when Aqualad asks his partner: “what about that Navy Sailor”? “I took care of it” Aquaman says to his young assistant. They are already about halfway home when the lone sailor begins to be devoured by The Greenland Shark that Aquaman sent there telepathically for an easy dinner.
BETTER THAN ALL OF YOU ARE VICTORIOUS!
Friday, March 12, 2010
Universe Bowl Rematch: The Horsemen of Apokolips Vs. George Washington's Slaves
The Horsemen of Apokolips are Percy Jackson, Tommy Oliver, & Seaworm #1-4.
George Washington’s Slaves are Amazo, Crash Bandicoot, Cthulu, Inspector Gadget, Sayid Jarrah, Sonny, Spongebob Squarepants, & Ultra Man.
Percy Jackson is riding atop Seaworm #1 while his partner Tommy Oliver resides safely under the water due to Percy’s protection of him via his hydrokinetic powers. Tommy Oliver sees the approaching threat of Ultra Man and Cthulu and uses his emerald flute/knife to summon the Dragon Zord. The 4 Seaworms are under the control of Percy Jackson, although the young hero is not able to control them quite as well as he can with most sea creatures, due to the fact that their base genetics are still inherent of the original Arrakis sandworms. Inspector Gadget has created a boat out of his own body, which is being occupied by Amazo, Crash Bandicoot, Sayid, & Sonny. Spongebob is swimming off on his own, being very comfortable in his native environment. But before Inspector Gadget and his crew can even formulate a plan of attack, Percy and his mind-controlled Seaworms come crashing down on Inspector Gadget. Sonny reacts quickly and pushes Amazo off of Gadget to save both himself and the super-villain. Amazo flies away from the area to safety while Sonny dives deeper into the cold water to save himself. Gadget, Crash Bandicoot, & Sayid, who barely had time to ignite his new lightsaber were all engulfed and destroyed by the Tlielaxlu created Seaworms. The Seaworms with Percy Jackson then move in the direction of the mighty Cthulu, while about 100 yards away metal crashes against metal as The Dragon Zord battles with Ultra Man. Amazo dives into the water to do battle with Tommy Oliver, who despite being under water is completely dry do to Percy’s manipulation of the oxygen bubbles around Tommy. Tommy takes advantage of what his teammate has done for him and is able to move swiftly while under the water, but he is still no match for Amazo who duplicates Tommy’s dagger so he has a weapon of his own. Amazo uses his powers to not only match Tommy’s every move but then overpowers him with his superior strength. Amazo gets a slight wound from being hit by Tommy’s emerald dagger, but is then able to put the Green Ranger in a head lock which ends with the cracking of Tommy’s neck. Percy Jackson sees the death of his new friend and realizes the danger that Amazo presents. Percy uses his massive powers of water manipulation to out amazing Amazo. With a mere thought Percy manipulates the water around Amazo with such ferocity that the android is completely crushed by the sheer force of it. The Dragon Zord is powerful and is good at moving around in the water, but the Zord can’t match Ultra Man’s speed. The Dragon Zord attempts to come in close for an attack, but Ultra Man finishes him off with an Ultra Slash. Even the mighty Cthulu is overwhelmed as he is quadruple teamed by the massive Seaworms. Cthulu swings its flabby green claws at Seaworm #1, not only ripping the sea maker in half, but also knocking Percy Jackson off of the enormous watery steed into the Arctic waters. Although Cthulu is able to kill the largest of the mighty worms, the cosmic entity is unable to defend itself as the other 3 worms drag the great old one into the sea and devour the creature piece by piece. As Percy swims thru the depths of the water he is met by the formidable opponent known as Spongebob Squarepants. Spongebob attacks with a gnarly dose of kah-rot-tay, but somehow Percy is able to dodge the attack and to then rip Spongebob to pieces with his superior water-enhanced strength. Ultra Man moves towards the 3 remaining Seaworms, but he doesn’t realize that the much smaller yet extremely powerful Percy Jackson is coming up behind him in an attempt to surround him with his Seaworm allies. Percy Jackson conjures up such an amazing amount of water pressure toward Ultra Man, that it is actually able to throw all 35,000 tons of him off balance. Once Ultra Man is taken off guard by this amazing display of power from the son of Poseidon the 3 Seaworms converge on his position. Ultra Man, despite being taken off guard and heavily manipulated by Percy’s powers, is able to use his amazing strength to drive his powerful fists thru Seaworm #4, before the other 2 finish him off. Percy Jackson jumps onto the back of Seaworm #2 to claim victory for his new team. As the 2 worms with their leader Percy begin to surface; Sonny jumps out of the water. The robot has already calculated the impossibility of victory, but he wishes his very last action to be something that will honor his team forever. Sonny jumps on top of Seaworm #2 and takes Percy Jackson completely off guard. The I-Robot, then does what no other N.S.-5 can do and chooses to break the 3rd law as he puts his extremely dense alloyed fist into the face of Percy Jackson and kills the demigod. Seaworm #2 then instinctively dives back into the water until even Sonny’s alloy cannot withstand the pressure.
THE HORSEMEN OF APOKOLIPS ARE VICTORIOUS!
George Washington’s Slaves are Amazo, Crash Bandicoot, Cthulu, Inspector Gadget, Sayid Jarrah, Sonny, Spongebob Squarepants, & Ultra Man.
Percy Jackson is riding atop Seaworm #1 while his partner Tommy Oliver resides safely under the water due to Percy’s protection of him via his hydrokinetic powers. Tommy Oliver sees the approaching threat of Ultra Man and Cthulu and uses his emerald flute/knife to summon the Dragon Zord. The 4 Seaworms are under the control of Percy Jackson, although the young hero is not able to control them quite as well as he can with most sea creatures, due to the fact that their base genetics are still inherent of the original Arrakis sandworms. Inspector Gadget has created a boat out of his own body, which is being occupied by Amazo, Crash Bandicoot, Sayid, & Sonny. Spongebob is swimming off on his own, being very comfortable in his native environment. But before Inspector Gadget and his crew can even formulate a plan of attack, Percy and his mind-controlled Seaworms come crashing down on Inspector Gadget. Sonny reacts quickly and pushes Amazo off of Gadget to save both himself and the super-villain. Amazo flies away from the area to safety while Sonny dives deeper into the cold water to save himself. Gadget, Crash Bandicoot, & Sayid, who barely had time to ignite his new lightsaber were all engulfed and destroyed by the Tlielaxlu created Seaworms. The Seaworms with Percy Jackson then move in the direction of the mighty Cthulu, while about 100 yards away metal crashes against metal as The Dragon Zord battles with Ultra Man. Amazo dives into the water to do battle with Tommy Oliver, who despite being under water is completely dry do to Percy’s manipulation of the oxygen bubbles around Tommy. Tommy takes advantage of what his teammate has done for him and is able to move swiftly while under the water, but he is still no match for Amazo who duplicates Tommy’s dagger so he has a weapon of his own. Amazo uses his powers to not only match Tommy’s every move but then overpowers him with his superior strength. Amazo gets a slight wound from being hit by Tommy’s emerald dagger, but is then able to put the Green Ranger in a head lock which ends with the cracking of Tommy’s neck. Percy Jackson sees the death of his new friend and realizes the danger that Amazo presents. Percy uses his massive powers of water manipulation to out amazing Amazo. With a mere thought Percy manipulates the water around Amazo with such ferocity that the android is completely crushed by the sheer force of it. The Dragon Zord is powerful and is good at moving around in the water, but the Zord can’t match Ultra Man’s speed. The Dragon Zord attempts to come in close for an attack, but Ultra Man finishes him off with an Ultra Slash. Even the mighty Cthulu is overwhelmed as he is quadruple teamed by the massive Seaworms. Cthulu swings its flabby green claws at Seaworm #1, not only ripping the sea maker in half, but also knocking Percy Jackson off of the enormous watery steed into the Arctic waters. Although Cthulu is able to kill the largest of the mighty worms, the cosmic entity is unable to defend itself as the other 3 worms drag the great old one into the sea and devour the creature piece by piece. As Percy swims thru the depths of the water he is met by the formidable opponent known as Spongebob Squarepants. Spongebob attacks with a gnarly dose of kah-rot-tay, but somehow Percy is able to dodge the attack and to then rip Spongebob to pieces with his superior water-enhanced strength. Ultra Man moves towards the 3 remaining Seaworms, but he doesn’t realize that the much smaller yet extremely powerful Percy Jackson is coming up behind him in an attempt to surround him with his Seaworm allies. Percy Jackson conjures up such an amazing amount of water pressure toward Ultra Man, that it is actually able to throw all 35,000 tons of him off balance. Once Ultra Man is taken off guard by this amazing display of power from the son of Poseidon the 3 Seaworms converge on his position. Ultra Man, despite being taken off guard and heavily manipulated by Percy’s powers, is able to use his amazing strength to drive his powerful fists thru Seaworm #4, before the other 2 finish him off. Percy Jackson jumps onto the back of Seaworm #2 to claim victory for his new team. As the 2 worms with their leader Percy begin to surface; Sonny jumps out of the water. The robot has already calculated the impossibility of victory, but he wishes his very last action to be something that will honor his team forever. Sonny jumps on top of Seaworm #2 and takes Percy Jackson completely off guard. The I-Robot, then does what no other N.S.-5 can do and chooses to break the 3rd law as he puts his extremely dense alloyed fist into the face of Percy Jackson and kills the demigod. Seaworm #2 then instinctively dives back into the water until even Sonny’s alloy cannot withstand the pressure.
THE HORSEMEN OF APOKOLIPS ARE VICTORIOUS!
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Pop-Superstar Hannah Montana & President Barack Obama's "Best of Both Worlds" Touring Battalion of Commandos vs. Built (Bill) Ford Tough
“How inappropriate to call this planet Earth when it is quite clearly Ocean.”
-Arthur C. Clarke
I look at the teams to do battle in the Arctic Ocean during this Week 2 Match. They are as follows:
Pop-Superstar Hannah Montana & President Barack Obama's "Best of Both Worlds" Touring Battalion of Commandos: Numnius, Dave Bowman: The Starchild, Zombie Cloverfield Monster, Captain Steven Hiller in a Mig, and Captain Tarpals and Zombie Al Dogg in a Swift Boat.
Built (Bill) Ford Tough: Jeff Houslander, Gigantor, Despotellis, Grimace, Harrison Ford and Barry Sanders in a Hovercraft, Darkwing Duck, The Flaming Carrot, Steve McQueen, The Beatles: John, Paul, George and Ringo, Arachnids #1-3, Scout Trooper #1 and Treasure Troll #3.
Captain Tarpals and Zombie Al Dogg race across the waters in their Swift Boat. Captain Tarpals lowers his scanner and points to their first victims: Harrison Ford and Barry Sanders. The Built (Bill) Ford Tough’s crew is in a Hovercraft that is heading their way. The combatants are ready for one another. The two crafts slow down so that either is able to breach the other’s craft. Just as Harrison Ford and Barry Sanders are about to board the Swift Boat, Zombie Cloverfield Monster surfaces from the watery depths and knocks the hovercraft twenty feet into the air. Ford and Sanders are transplanted from the boat and into the water. As the Cloverfield Monster Zombie is about to capture Ford and Sanders, Gigantor barrels into the zombie. The two huge combatants enter into a fierce battle. Gigantor manages to rip off the elongated arms of the Monster. Although without its major limbs, it still attempts to bite Gigantor in anticipation that it will “turn” its enemy. Unfortunately for Cloverfield, its efforts fail because Gigantor is a robot. Gigantor eventually puts his fist through Zombie Cloverfield Monster’s skull and the zombie dies.
Steven Hiller flies his Mig and notices the destruction of his Zombie Cloverfield Monster teammate. He flies his Mig at Gigantor and unloads both his rockets and bullets into the robot. The robot is barraged by the combined Mig weaponry. Gigantor is “robotically” (mortally) wounded [NEW COINED TERM BY THIS WATCHER: “ROBOTICALLY WOUNDED”? YOU MAKE THE CALL!] . Before Gigantor faces its fate, it manages to clip the wing of Steven Hiller’s Mig, The Mig spirals out of control and Hiller ejects from the cockpit. The body of Gigantor and the Mig meet their fates together. As Hiller is traveling down in his parachute, he is met by the sentient virus Despotellis. The Sinestro Corpsman burns Hiller from the inside out and flies away.
Back at the swift boat-hovercraft scene, Tarpals dives into the water to meet both Ford and Sanders, who are treading water. Before the Gungan can reach them, they manage to reach the still-uprighted swift boat. As they shake the water off themselves they are met by Zombie Al Dogg. Harrison Ford is bitten by Al Dogg and dies. Zombie Al Dogg is waiting for Ford to become a zombie, but it turns out that Al Dogg just hasn’t got the hang of turning another into a zombie just yet. All that remains is Ford’s corpse, never to become a zombie. In the confusion, Sanders trips over Ford’s body into the water. He knows that he is more than a match for Zombie Al Dogg and reaches the swift boat again. As he is about to pull himself up, Tarpals grabs Sanders and carries him down into the deep waters below. Sanders drowns. Zombie Al Dogg simply stands and watches the drowning when an incredible beast bursts out of the waters and plummets on top of Al Dogg; it is Grimace. Grimace squishes Zombie Al Dogg’s head and kicks the body in the water. Zombie Al Dogg is dead-really dead-not zombie dead-character not coming back at the end of this match dead. Grimace commandeers the swift boat and picks up his friends who have been treading water since the match’s inception. Grimace now rides in the swift boat with the Flaming Carrot, Jeff Houslander, Steve McQueen, the Beatles, Scout Trooper #1 and Treasure Troll #3.
Tarpals looks at the swift boat racing away. He notices that the hovercraft is nearby, although tipped over. He decides that it will still give him some time to rest and recuperate for the future skirmishes. Tarpals reaches the hovercraft and slowly climbs a top the device. Before he can react, Arachnids #1-3 scuttle from the other side of the craft and tear Tarpals apart. Arachnids #1-3 see Whoopi Goldberg, I mean Numnius and Dave Bowman: The Starchild walking on water toward the battle. With a swish of their mutual hands, both Arachnids #1-3 and the hovercraft explode into balls of fire, killing all Arachnids and destroying the hovercraft.
Darkwing Duck picks up Treasure Troll #3 from the boat and flies over to meet their teammate Despotellis in its confrontation with the cosmic entities. Despotellis manages to wound Numnius, who is reeling from the poisonous effects caused by the living virus. Darkwing Duck and Treasure Troll #3 use this to their advantage and begin chewing on her arms. Numnius shakes the Duck and Troll off her arms and with a calming smile, puts them away into a never-ending sleep. Despotellis flies around again, meaning to finish its mission by killing one of the two Commandos. Before it can do additional damage to the pacifist entity known as Numnius, Bowman destroys the yellow lantern.
The swift boat inhabitants- Grimace, Flaming Carrot, Jeff Houslander, Steve McQueen, the Beatles and Scout Trooper #1, know that they are going to die, but want to take out at least one of the entities before their deaths-as their teammates Despotellis, Darkwing Duck and Treasure Troll #3 attempted previously.
Numnius and Bowman float to the swift boat, whose combatants are waiting.
Bowman: Any last requests?
Numnius: Let them die with dignity and give them their last requests. . . So say I, Numnius, the generous watcher of hope and dreams.
Before they know it, the Tough crew is watching a swim match between Jeff Houslander and Steve McQueen. Their dying wishes were to finally see who the better swimmer was. [SHOUT OUT JARODATU!!! R.I.P.!!!]
Bowman: ENOUGH!!! This is an embarrassment!!!
With those words Bowman lashes out with a cosmic wave that rips apart the entire remaining Tough crew of Steve McQueen, Jeff Houslander, Flaming Carrot, Grimace, all of the Beatles and Scout Trooper #1.
Bowman: Should you ever embarrass me with such an episode again I will destroy you myself. . .
Bowman floats away with a hesitant Numnius following behind, head down.
Bowman (heard whispering to himself) : I buried Paul. . . .
Built (Bill) Ford Tough: All Dead.
Pop-Superstar Hannah Montana & President Barack Obama's "Best of Both Worlds" Touring Battalion of Commandos: Dave Bowman-the Starchild and Numnius survive.
POP-SUPERSTAR HANNAH MONTANA & PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA’S “BEST OF BOTH WORLDS” TOURING BATTALION OF COMMANDOS ARE VICTORIOUS!!!
-Arthur C. Clarke
I look at the teams to do battle in the Arctic Ocean during this Week 2 Match. They are as follows:
Pop-Superstar Hannah Montana & President Barack Obama's "Best of Both Worlds" Touring Battalion of Commandos: Numnius, Dave Bowman: The Starchild, Zombie Cloverfield Monster, Captain Steven Hiller in a Mig, and Captain Tarpals and Zombie Al Dogg in a Swift Boat.
Built (Bill) Ford Tough: Jeff Houslander, Gigantor, Despotellis, Grimace, Harrison Ford and Barry Sanders in a Hovercraft, Darkwing Duck, The Flaming Carrot, Steve McQueen, The Beatles: John, Paul, George and Ringo, Arachnids #1-3, Scout Trooper #1 and Treasure Troll #3.
Captain Tarpals and Zombie Al Dogg race across the waters in their Swift Boat. Captain Tarpals lowers his scanner and points to their first victims: Harrison Ford and Barry Sanders. The Built (Bill) Ford Tough’s crew is in a Hovercraft that is heading their way. The combatants are ready for one another. The two crafts slow down so that either is able to breach the other’s craft. Just as Harrison Ford and Barry Sanders are about to board the Swift Boat, Zombie Cloverfield Monster surfaces from the watery depths and knocks the hovercraft twenty feet into the air. Ford and Sanders are transplanted from the boat and into the water. As the Cloverfield Monster Zombie is about to capture Ford and Sanders, Gigantor barrels into the zombie. The two huge combatants enter into a fierce battle. Gigantor manages to rip off the elongated arms of the Monster. Although without its major limbs, it still attempts to bite Gigantor in anticipation that it will “turn” its enemy. Unfortunately for Cloverfield, its efforts fail because Gigantor is a robot. Gigantor eventually puts his fist through Zombie Cloverfield Monster’s skull and the zombie dies.
Steven Hiller flies his Mig and notices the destruction of his Zombie Cloverfield Monster teammate. He flies his Mig at Gigantor and unloads both his rockets and bullets into the robot. The robot is barraged by the combined Mig weaponry. Gigantor is “robotically” (mortally) wounded [NEW COINED TERM BY THIS WATCHER: “ROBOTICALLY WOUNDED”? YOU MAKE THE CALL!] . Before Gigantor faces its fate, it manages to clip the wing of Steven Hiller’s Mig, The Mig spirals out of control and Hiller ejects from the cockpit. The body of Gigantor and the Mig meet their fates together. As Hiller is traveling down in his parachute, he is met by the sentient virus Despotellis. The Sinestro Corpsman burns Hiller from the inside out and flies away.
Back at the swift boat-hovercraft scene, Tarpals dives into the water to meet both Ford and Sanders, who are treading water. Before the Gungan can reach them, they manage to reach the still-uprighted swift boat. As they shake the water off themselves they are met by Zombie Al Dogg. Harrison Ford is bitten by Al Dogg and dies. Zombie Al Dogg is waiting for Ford to become a zombie, but it turns out that Al Dogg just hasn’t got the hang of turning another into a zombie just yet. All that remains is Ford’s corpse, never to become a zombie. In the confusion, Sanders trips over Ford’s body into the water. He knows that he is more than a match for Zombie Al Dogg and reaches the swift boat again. As he is about to pull himself up, Tarpals grabs Sanders and carries him down into the deep waters below. Sanders drowns. Zombie Al Dogg simply stands and watches the drowning when an incredible beast bursts out of the waters and plummets on top of Al Dogg; it is Grimace. Grimace squishes Zombie Al Dogg’s head and kicks the body in the water. Zombie Al Dogg is dead-really dead-not zombie dead-character not coming back at the end of this match dead. Grimace commandeers the swift boat and picks up his friends who have been treading water since the match’s inception. Grimace now rides in the swift boat with the Flaming Carrot, Jeff Houslander, Steve McQueen, the Beatles, Scout Trooper #1 and Treasure Troll #3.
Tarpals looks at the swift boat racing away. He notices that the hovercraft is nearby, although tipped over. He decides that it will still give him some time to rest and recuperate for the future skirmishes. Tarpals reaches the hovercraft and slowly climbs a top the device. Before he can react, Arachnids #1-3 scuttle from the other side of the craft and tear Tarpals apart. Arachnids #1-3 see Whoopi Goldberg, I mean Numnius and Dave Bowman: The Starchild walking on water toward the battle. With a swish of their mutual hands, both Arachnids #1-3 and the hovercraft explode into balls of fire, killing all Arachnids and destroying the hovercraft.
Darkwing Duck picks up Treasure Troll #3 from the boat and flies over to meet their teammate Despotellis in its confrontation with the cosmic entities. Despotellis manages to wound Numnius, who is reeling from the poisonous effects caused by the living virus. Darkwing Duck and Treasure Troll #3 use this to their advantage and begin chewing on her arms. Numnius shakes the Duck and Troll off her arms and with a calming smile, puts them away into a never-ending sleep. Despotellis flies around again, meaning to finish its mission by killing one of the two Commandos. Before it can do additional damage to the pacifist entity known as Numnius, Bowman destroys the yellow lantern.
The swift boat inhabitants- Grimace, Flaming Carrot, Jeff Houslander, Steve McQueen, the Beatles and Scout Trooper #1, know that they are going to die, but want to take out at least one of the entities before their deaths-as their teammates Despotellis, Darkwing Duck and Treasure Troll #3 attempted previously.
Numnius and Bowman float to the swift boat, whose combatants are waiting.
Bowman: Any last requests?
Numnius: Let them die with dignity and give them their last requests. . . So say I, Numnius, the generous watcher of hope and dreams.
Before they know it, the Tough crew is watching a swim match between Jeff Houslander and Steve McQueen. Their dying wishes were to finally see who the better swimmer was. [SHOUT OUT JARODATU!!! R.I.P.!!!]
Bowman: ENOUGH!!! This is an embarrassment!!!
With those words Bowman lashes out with a cosmic wave that rips apart the entire remaining Tough crew of Steve McQueen, Jeff Houslander, Flaming Carrot, Grimace, all of the Beatles and Scout Trooper #1.
Bowman: Should you ever embarrass me with such an episode again I will destroy you myself. . .
Bowman floats away with a hesitant Numnius following behind, head down.
Bowman (heard whispering to himself) : I buried Paul. . . .
Built (Bill) Ford Tough: All Dead.
Pop-Superstar Hannah Montana & President Barack Obama's "Best of Both Worlds" Touring Battalion of Commandos: Dave Bowman-the Starchild and Numnius survive.
POP-SUPERSTAR HANNAH MONTANA & PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA’S “BEST OF BOTH WORLDS” TOURING BATTALION OF COMMANDOS ARE VICTORIOUS!!!
ALICE'S WONDER TEAM vs. P.M.S.
"They mapped the Arctic Ocean with this thing."
―Clay Condit
I look at the teams to do battle in the Arctic Ocean during this Week 2 Match. They are as follows:
Alice’s Wonder Team: Q, General Zod and Anti-Monitor.
P.M.S.: Freddy Krueger (with a yellow power ring), Black Dragon #12, Jack Sparrow, Xenomorph #51, Spawn, Blue Devil, and The Candy Land Crew: Gingerbread People #1-3, Mr. Mint, Gramma Nut, King Kandy, Jolly, Plumpy, Princess Lolly, Queen Frostine, Lord Licorice and Gloppy the Molasses Monster.
Above the icy waters I see Xenomorph #51 riding on the back of Black Dragon #12. The Xenomorph and Dragon are flying slightly above the clouds to gain a necessary vantage point on their foes. The monsters see General Zod flying directly beneath them. Fierce, animalistic war cries are heard as the Xenomorph and Dragon dive-bomb Zod.
Zod (turning to face Xenomorph #51 and Dragon #12): Oh you stupid beasts; never announce that you are coming upon Zod.
Zod twists out of the way of the P.M.S. crew and smashes Xenomorph #51 off of the flying creature. Xenomorph #51 shrieks as it realizes its imminent death. A large slapping sound is heard at the impact of the alien’s body hitting the water; Xenomorph #51 dies. After removing the Xenomorph from the Dragon’s back, Zod immediately latches onto the neck of Black Dragon #12. Although the Dragon tries to turn its neck to spit acid at the Kryptonian, it is unable to do so. Zod reaches around Black Dragon #12’s neck and snaps it. The Dragon’s body convulses and falls to the waters below, making a large splash before rising to the surface again, somewhat buoyant.
Jack Sparrow swims over to the carcass of Dragon #12 and climbs aboard its belly. Q sees this interesting human and transports himself to be with Sparrow.
Sparrow: Hello, my good man. Your outfit demurs you.
Q (looks down at his clingy, white unitard): Speak for yourself, you’re wearing eyeliner.
Sparrow gives a rouge-ish smile.
Sparrow: May I have a brief word?
Q: Of course, I’m all ears.
Sparrow begins to whisper. Since Q cannot hear the babblings of the somewhat awkward pirate, Q draws closer. Just as Q is next to Sparrow, the pirate draws his sword and shoves it through Q’s gut. Q smiles, pulls the sword out of himself and impales Sparrow.
Sparrow (looks down): Damn. . . that hurts. . .
Sparrow falls into the water; dead. Q hears laughing coming from what appears to be a thin raft. The raft is slowly moving toward his location. Q smiles at the many colored-game board with all of its characters. Although not human, they still look interesting to Q. Q waits for the characters to approach next to the Dragon’s body, which is now Q’s flotation device.
Q: Hello my friends. Why don’t you come aboard my dragon here and we can discuss the semantics of the remaining battle?
The members of the Candyland Crew smile at Q. They wave him over to their raft-board. Q jumps on the Candyland raft, but does not notice that the loving, smiling and adorable Candyland Crew have morphed into violent, disgusting “mirrors” of themselves due to Freddy Krueger’s tinkering. These are Krueger’s new dream warriors. Before Q notices, the entire Candyland Crew of savages, they attack.
I hear the taunting rhymes of the Candyland Crew as their vicious actions escalate.
Lord Licorice: Dear Q, I am sure you like to be wrapped, [Lord Licorice uses licorice lassos to wrap Q up. Q is unable to move].
Gloppy: But not glopped up with what looks like cr%p; [Gloppy shoots a flow of molasses that surges over the licorice. The glop hardens and Q’s body is now strung together by licorice and petrified by hardened molasses.
Queen Frostine: A little ice cream cold to make you shiver, [Frostine uses her ice cream freezing powers to fortify Q’s encasement].
Gingerbread Woman: But face the fists of the Gingerbread and quiver. [The Gingerbread People take advantage of Q’s predicament and start hitting Q. Unfortunately, their brittle bodies begin to crumble when they hit him; Gingerbread People #1-3 have sacrificed themselves, but have bloodied Q in the process.
King Kandy: And here is to you, a kick in the head,
Gramma Nut: While keeping you alive, you’re no fun to us dead;
[King Kandy and Gramma Nut start where the Gingerbread people have finished and start stomping on Q’s head. Q is barraged by the pummeling. As Q falls over to the ground of the game board, he sees various colors: yellow, red, blue and green. Unfortunately the green is actually the rump of Plumpy.]
Plumpy: So cosmic dude, suck my big green a$$, [Plumpy sits on Q’s face and starts smothering him. A beaten and wearied Q gasps for air].
Princess Lolly: But don’t give s#!t to this little lass. [Lolly comes up with sharpened lollipops in both hands. She slices Q’s throat].
Jolly: And now for the coup-de-gras,
Mr. Mint: A candy cane through your great big maw.
[Mint walks up to Q and uses a large candy cane to skewer Q both through his mouth and head].
Q feels his tattered body weaken (although he smells very sweet) as it rolls off into the waters beneath the game board. He is about to warp reality when he realizes that he has experienced pain like a true human. He knows he has a substantial number of deaths to give before he meets his ultimate FFL Graveyard fate and accepts same. Thus, he wants to feel his life force ebb from his body and feel death, once again. He does nothing and drifts in the icy waters below, with a serene smile on his face.
The Anti-Monitor sees the fate of Q and is shocked by the pure selfishness and weakness of his omnipotent brethren in this battle. He focuses on the Candyland Crew and uses his cosmic powers and energy manipulation abilities to shred the candy participants to pieces. Mr. Mint, Gramma Nut, King Kandy, Jolly, Plumpy, Princess Lolly, Queen Frostine, Lord Licorice and Gloppy the Molasses Monster are decimated, leaving only sweet goo trails on the raft, where their bodies had once been.
Anti-Monitor: How sweet it is. . .
Krueger uses his yellow lantern ring to float both Spawn and Blue Devil along with him. Together, the trio fights Zod. Spawn lashes his chains around Zodd’s neck and prevents Zod from flying away, while Blue Devil uses his magical trident to skewer the Kryptonian. Although Zodd is mortally wounded, he manages to freeze both Spawn and Blue Devil with his breath. The two icicled P.M.S. crew fall to their frozen deaths. Anti-Monitor has had enough and although a pitched battle ensues, Krueger is no match for a Crisis-causer. The Anti-Monitor eventually sees his opening and kills Krueger.
Alice’s Wonder Team: Anti-Monitor lives.
P.M.S.: All dead.
ALICE’S WONDER TEAM IS VICTORIOUS!!!
―Clay Condit
I look at the teams to do battle in the Arctic Ocean during this Week 2 Match. They are as follows:
Alice’s Wonder Team: Q, General Zod and Anti-Monitor.
P.M.S.: Freddy Krueger (with a yellow power ring), Black Dragon #12, Jack Sparrow, Xenomorph #51, Spawn, Blue Devil, and The Candy Land Crew: Gingerbread People #1-3, Mr. Mint, Gramma Nut, King Kandy, Jolly, Plumpy, Princess Lolly, Queen Frostine, Lord Licorice and Gloppy the Molasses Monster.
Above the icy waters I see Xenomorph #51 riding on the back of Black Dragon #12. The Xenomorph and Dragon are flying slightly above the clouds to gain a necessary vantage point on their foes. The monsters see General Zod flying directly beneath them. Fierce, animalistic war cries are heard as the Xenomorph and Dragon dive-bomb Zod.
Zod (turning to face Xenomorph #51 and Dragon #12): Oh you stupid beasts; never announce that you are coming upon Zod.
Zod twists out of the way of the P.M.S. crew and smashes Xenomorph #51 off of the flying creature. Xenomorph #51 shrieks as it realizes its imminent death. A large slapping sound is heard at the impact of the alien’s body hitting the water; Xenomorph #51 dies. After removing the Xenomorph from the Dragon’s back, Zod immediately latches onto the neck of Black Dragon #12. Although the Dragon tries to turn its neck to spit acid at the Kryptonian, it is unable to do so. Zod reaches around Black Dragon #12’s neck and snaps it. The Dragon’s body convulses and falls to the waters below, making a large splash before rising to the surface again, somewhat buoyant.
Jack Sparrow swims over to the carcass of Dragon #12 and climbs aboard its belly. Q sees this interesting human and transports himself to be with Sparrow.
Sparrow: Hello, my good man. Your outfit demurs you.
Q (looks down at his clingy, white unitard): Speak for yourself, you’re wearing eyeliner.
Sparrow gives a rouge-ish smile.
Sparrow: May I have a brief word?
Q: Of course, I’m all ears.
Sparrow begins to whisper. Since Q cannot hear the babblings of the somewhat awkward pirate, Q draws closer. Just as Q is next to Sparrow, the pirate draws his sword and shoves it through Q’s gut. Q smiles, pulls the sword out of himself and impales Sparrow.
Sparrow (looks down): Damn. . . that hurts. . .
Sparrow falls into the water; dead. Q hears laughing coming from what appears to be a thin raft. The raft is slowly moving toward his location. Q smiles at the many colored-game board with all of its characters. Although not human, they still look interesting to Q. Q waits for the characters to approach next to the Dragon’s body, which is now Q’s flotation device.
Q: Hello my friends. Why don’t you come aboard my dragon here and we can discuss the semantics of the remaining battle?
The members of the Candyland Crew smile at Q. They wave him over to their raft-board. Q jumps on the Candyland raft, but does not notice that the loving, smiling and adorable Candyland Crew have morphed into violent, disgusting “mirrors” of themselves due to Freddy Krueger’s tinkering. These are Krueger’s new dream warriors. Before Q notices, the entire Candyland Crew of savages, they attack.
I hear the taunting rhymes of the Candyland Crew as their vicious actions escalate.
Lord Licorice: Dear Q, I am sure you like to be wrapped, [Lord Licorice uses licorice lassos to wrap Q up. Q is unable to move].
Gloppy: But not glopped up with what looks like cr%p; [Gloppy shoots a flow of molasses that surges over the licorice. The glop hardens and Q’s body is now strung together by licorice and petrified by hardened molasses.
Queen Frostine: A little ice cream cold to make you shiver, [Frostine uses her ice cream freezing powers to fortify Q’s encasement].
Gingerbread Woman: But face the fists of the Gingerbread and quiver. [The Gingerbread People take advantage of Q’s predicament and start hitting Q. Unfortunately, their brittle bodies begin to crumble when they hit him; Gingerbread People #1-3 have sacrificed themselves, but have bloodied Q in the process.
King Kandy: And here is to you, a kick in the head,
Gramma Nut: While keeping you alive, you’re no fun to us dead;
[King Kandy and Gramma Nut start where the Gingerbread people have finished and start stomping on Q’s head. Q is barraged by the pummeling. As Q falls over to the ground of the game board, he sees various colors: yellow, red, blue and green. Unfortunately the green is actually the rump of Plumpy.]
Plumpy: So cosmic dude, suck my big green a$$, [Plumpy sits on Q’s face and starts smothering him. A beaten and wearied Q gasps for air].
Princess Lolly: But don’t give s#!t to this little lass. [Lolly comes up with sharpened lollipops in both hands. She slices Q’s throat].
Jolly: And now for the coup-de-gras,
Mr. Mint: A candy cane through your great big maw.
[Mint walks up to Q and uses a large candy cane to skewer Q both through his mouth and head].
Q feels his tattered body weaken (although he smells very sweet) as it rolls off into the waters beneath the game board. He is about to warp reality when he realizes that he has experienced pain like a true human. He knows he has a substantial number of deaths to give before he meets his ultimate FFL Graveyard fate and accepts same. Thus, he wants to feel his life force ebb from his body and feel death, once again. He does nothing and drifts in the icy waters below, with a serene smile on his face.
The Anti-Monitor sees the fate of Q and is shocked by the pure selfishness and weakness of his omnipotent brethren in this battle. He focuses on the Candyland Crew and uses his cosmic powers and energy manipulation abilities to shred the candy participants to pieces. Mr. Mint, Gramma Nut, King Kandy, Jolly, Plumpy, Princess Lolly, Queen Frostine, Lord Licorice and Gloppy the Molasses Monster are decimated, leaving only sweet goo trails on the raft, where their bodies had once been.
Anti-Monitor: How sweet it is. . .
Krueger uses his yellow lantern ring to float both Spawn and Blue Devil along with him. Together, the trio fights Zod. Spawn lashes his chains around Zodd’s neck and prevents Zod from flying away, while Blue Devil uses his magical trident to skewer the Kryptonian. Although Zodd is mortally wounded, he manages to freeze both Spawn and Blue Devil with his breath. The two icicled P.M.S. crew fall to their frozen deaths. Anti-Monitor has had enough and although a pitched battle ensues, Krueger is no match for a Crisis-causer. The Anti-Monitor eventually sees his opening and kills Krueger.
Alice’s Wonder Team: Anti-Monitor lives.
P.M.S.: All dead.
ALICE’S WONDER TEAM IS VICTORIOUS!!!
Sunday, March 7, 2010
Week 1: Beckerman's Backyardigans Beeyaatches vs Alice's Wonder Team
Beckerman's Backyardigans Beeyaatches are Michael Myers, Skrull #6 and Brood Alien #9.
Alice's Wonder Team is Q.
Q stands alone in the middle of Club Hel as the only starting member of Alice’s Wonder Team. He is confident in his GM’s decision to only start him in this fight; he walks over to the bar and sits down. Due to his near omnipotence, Q can already tell that the patrons of this particular bar aren’t human at all, but rather complex computer programs that refused to be deleted. As he spins around to the bar in his stool, Q is attacked by Brood Alien #9 and is viciously maimed. Q then simply warps time to right before this attack and dodges out of the way and dematerializes the alien. He then goes to order a drink from the bartender. He sees that it is Guinan, an old enemy of his. “Oh come on, really?! You’re the bartender here?” exclaims Q. “Nope,” says Guinan, who turns back into her real form of Skrull #6. He then proceeds to shoot Q square in the chest with a blaster. But before Q dies, he yet again goes back in time to avoid such a fate and sits one seat over, so that the blaster shot misses. He then breaks a bottle and drives it into the Skrull’s neck, even though it wasn’t really necessary for him to do since he can just remove him from existence. Q then chuckles to himself at the humor of fighting against commons with the numbers 6 and 9. “Well this match isn’t going to be very hard,” Q says to himself. But just then he feels a looming presence standing behind him.
He looks up and sees Michael Myers standing in front of him. Michael wastes no time and plunges his knife deep into Q’s abdomen. Blood spurts out of Q’s mouth, but he still is able to alter time to his advantage and avoid this attack. Or so he thinks. As soon as he appears again in time, Michael Myers stalks him and viciously stabs him again and again. Q again warps time and space to try and get away from “The Shape,” but ever single time he does, Michael is right there ready to gut him. Q finally gets angry and tries to remove Michael from this plane of existence. But nothing happens. Q for the first time in his life is confused. He peers into Michael’s mind and finds… nothing. Nothing but pure evil that is. That is when he realizes that no matter what he does, there is no way to completely remove evil from existence. Of course, while Q is thinking all of this, Michael is carving open Q’s chest. Q finally decides that this fight could go on forever, so he decides to end this match and chooses not to travel in time.
BECKERMAN’S BACKYARDIGANS BEEYAATCHES ARE VICTORIOUS!!
Alice's Wonder Team is Q.
Q stands alone in the middle of Club Hel as the only starting member of Alice’s Wonder Team. He is confident in his GM’s decision to only start him in this fight; he walks over to the bar and sits down. Due to his near omnipotence, Q can already tell that the patrons of this particular bar aren’t human at all, but rather complex computer programs that refused to be deleted. As he spins around to the bar in his stool, Q is attacked by Brood Alien #9 and is viciously maimed. Q then simply warps time to right before this attack and dodges out of the way and dematerializes the alien. He then goes to order a drink from the bartender. He sees that it is Guinan, an old enemy of his. “Oh come on, really?! You’re the bartender here?” exclaims Q. “Nope,” says Guinan, who turns back into her real form of Skrull #6. He then proceeds to shoot Q square in the chest with a blaster. But before Q dies, he yet again goes back in time to avoid such a fate and sits one seat over, so that the blaster shot misses. He then breaks a bottle and drives it into the Skrull’s neck, even though it wasn’t really necessary for him to do since he can just remove him from existence. Q then chuckles to himself at the humor of fighting against commons with the numbers 6 and 9. “Well this match isn’t going to be very hard,” Q says to himself. But just then he feels a looming presence standing behind him.
He looks up and sees Michael Myers standing in front of him. Michael wastes no time and plunges his knife deep into Q’s abdomen. Blood spurts out of Q’s mouth, but he still is able to alter time to his advantage and avoid this attack. Or so he thinks. As soon as he appears again in time, Michael Myers stalks him and viciously stabs him again and again. Q again warps time and space to try and get away from “The Shape,” but ever single time he does, Michael is right there ready to gut him. Q finally gets angry and tries to remove Michael from this plane of existence. But nothing happens. Q for the first time in his life is confused. He peers into Michael’s mind and finds… nothing. Nothing but pure evil that is. That is when he realizes that no matter what he does, there is no way to completely remove evil from existence. Of course, while Q is thinking all of this, Michael is carving open Q’s chest. Q finally decides that this fight could go on forever, so he decides to end this match and chooses not to travel in time.
BECKERMAN’S BACKYARDIGANS BEEYAATCHES ARE VICTORIOUS!!
Week 1: The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets vs Hayley's Comets
The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets are Nightwing, Baby Wolverine, Captain Power, Lockheed, and Baby Ewoks #1-2.
Hayley's Comets are Hordak w/Yellow Power Ring, Lady Deathstrike, and Prinplup.
“Are we seriously going to fight in the Regal Beagle with three hairy babies?!” asks Captain Power. “Yep, what of it?” replies Nightwing. “Well I guess nothing,” says Captain Power. “Power on!” They all walk into the Regal Beagle where they see Larry and Jack hitting on two ladies over by the bar. Baby Wolverine runs underneath the one of the girls, who happens to be wearing a skirt, climbs up a bar stool and orders a beer with a nipple on it. The bartender is about to deny him the request, but Baby Wolvie pop his claws out at the bartender, who decides it’s in his best interest to oblige the baby. The two Baby Ewoks join Baby Wolverine up on the bar and start doing tequila shots. Lockheed flies over and joins them as well. “Stay focus, Jonathan,” says Nightwing. “Fine, but when we win, you’re buying the first round,” retorts Captain Power. But just as he says that, the Soldier of the Future is slammed up against the wall by a giant yellow energy blast. Nightwing is then kicked to the ground by Lady Deathstrike. Dick Grayson (starting in his second bar fight this week, if anyone is counting) back flips up and spin kicks Lady Deathstrike in the mouth. The two skilled fighters continue their attack on each other as Baby Wolverine, Lockheed and the Baby Ewoks knock back several drinks. (I bet you guys never realized the high alcohol tolerance Ewoks have, did you?) Their drinking comes to an end as Prinplup knocks Baby Wolverine off of his bar stool. “Oh bub, you’re gonna regret doing that,” Baby Logan says. He is then slashed across the face by Prinplup with its claws that are in its wings. Logan, the Baby Ewoks and Lockheed all attack Prinplup and overwhelm the Pokémon penguin. “That’s what you get you Backyardigan reject,” quips Baby Wolverine. Captain Power, meanwhile, is having a terrible time for his first outing at a member of the Brotherhood. Hordak is firing magic spells, and yellow energy blast simultaneously. Captain Power does his best to counter these attacks, but Hordak is simply too powerful for him to overcome. Hordak finally ends Captain Power’s life with a yellow spear to the Jonathan’s golden chest piece. Lockheed flies over and attempts to fry Hordak with a blast of fire from his mouth, but Hordak is able to put up a yellow force field. He then vaporizes the purple dragon with a magic spell. Nightwing throws Lady Deathstrike over the bar, smashing her into all the bottles lined up against the back of it. She retaliates by skewering both Ewok Babies and throwing them right at Nightwing. This enrages Baby Wolverine who goes into a baby berserker rage (would that be called a berserker temper tantrum?) and leaps onto Lady Deathstrike. She viciously stabs and claws at her face and chest, eventually killing the cyborg ninja assassin. Hordak now is outnumbered two on one, but he is ready for the challenge. Nightwing flips into the air and goes to dropkick Hordak, but he is frozen in mid air by a magic spell. Hordak then uses his yellow power ring to ensnare Baby Wolverine and launches him right at Nightwing, driving Baby Logan’s claws deep into his own teammate’s abdomen. Hordak finishes this battle by encasing Baby Wolverine in an airtight yellow energy bubble, and patiently watches the baby mutant gasp for each last valuable breath.
HAYLEY’S COMETS ARE VICTORIOUS!!
Hayley's Comets are Hordak w/Yellow Power Ring, Lady Deathstrike, and Prinplup.
“Are we seriously going to fight in the Regal Beagle with three hairy babies?!” asks Captain Power. “Yep, what of it?” replies Nightwing. “Well I guess nothing,” says Captain Power. “Power on!” They all walk into the Regal Beagle where they see Larry and Jack hitting on two ladies over by the bar. Baby Wolverine runs underneath the one of the girls, who happens to be wearing a skirt, climbs up a bar stool and orders a beer with a nipple on it. The bartender is about to deny him the request, but Baby Wolvie pop his claws out at the bartender, who decides it’s in his best interest to oblige the baby. The two Baby Ewoks join Baby Wolverine up on the bar and start doing tequila shots. Lockheed flies over and joins them as well. “Stay focus, Jonathan,” says Nightwing. “Fine, but when we win, you’re buying the first round,” retorts Captain Power. But just as he says that, the Soldier of the Future is slammed up against the wall by a giant yellow energy blast. Nightwing is then kicked to the ground by Lady Deathstrike. Dick Grayson (starting in his second bar fight this week, if anyone is counting) back flips up and spin kicks Lady Deathstrike in the mouth. The two skilled fighters continue their attack on each other as Baby Wolverine, Lockheed and the Baby Ewoks knock back several drinks. (I bet you guys never realized the high alcohol tolerance Ewoks have, did you?) Their drinking comes to an end as Prinplup knocks Baby Wolverine off of his bar stool. “Oh bub, you’re gonna regret doing that,” Baby Logan says. He is then slashed across the face by Prinplup with its claws that are in its wings. Logan, the Baby Ewoks and Lockheed all attack Prinplup and overwhelm the Pokémon penguin. “That’s what you get you Backyardigan reject,” quips Baby Wolverine. Captain Power, meanwhile, is having a terrible time for his first outing at a member of the Brotherhood. Hordak is firing magic spells, and yellow energy blast simultaneously. Captain Power does his best to counter these attacks, but Hordak is simply too powerful for him to overcome. Hordak finally ends Captain Power’s life with a yellow spear to the Jonathan’s golden chest piece. Lockheed flies over and attempts to fry Hordak with a blast of fire from his mouth, but Hordak is able to put up a yellow force field. He then vaporizes the purple dragon with a magic spell. Nightwing throws Lady Deathstrike over the bar, smashing her into all the bottles lined up against the back of it. She retaliates by skewering both Ewok Babies and throwing them right at Nightwing. This enrages Baby Wolverine who goes into a baby berserker rage (would that be called a berserker temper tantrum?) and leaps onto Lady Deathstrike. She viciously stabs and claws at her face and chest, eventually killing the cyborg ninja assassin. Hordak now is outnumbered two on one, but he is ready for the challenge. Nightwing flips into the air and goes to dropkick Hordak, but he is frozen in mid air by a magic spell. Hordak then uses his yellow power ring to ensnare Baby Wolverine and launches him right at Nightwing, driving Baby Logan’s claws deep into his own teammate’s abdomen. Hordak finishes this battle by encasing Baby Wolverine in an airtight yellow energy bubble, and patiently watches the baby mutant gasp for each last valuable breath.
HAYLEY’S COMETS ARE VICTORIOUS!!
Week 1: Michael Vick's Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve vs Oblivio
Michael Vick’s Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve is Marv, Sylar, Justin Oblak, and Brandon Inge.
Oblivio is Shredder, Bellatrix Lestrange, and Vampire #99.
Some theme music for the match. (GREAT idea Nickatu)
“The stench of old cigar smoke fills the air as well as my lungs. I have to squint my eyes to see through the haze. I notice Nancy starting to take the stage. The crowd salivates with anticipation. Personally, my mouth is watering from the fact that I know in mere moment my team of warriors are going to find Oblivio and wipe the floor of Kadie’s Club Pecos with their limp bodies. I see my teammates sitting up against the stage tossing back a few brews before the oncoming battle. My name? Brandon Inge. I’m part of the Bad Newz Kennelz.”
Brandon Inge walks calmly over to his three teammates, Marv, Sylar and Justin Oblak, who are all enjoying Nancy’s show. Within moments, Shredder crashes through the door, leaps up onto the stage and slices Nancy’s throat wide open. “Oh you’re gonna pay for that one pal,” grunts Marv. Justin jumps off of his bar stool and smashes his Miller Lite bottle on the bar. Shredder’s two teammates, Bellatrix Lestrange and Vampire #99, enter the bar as the rest of the patrons flee out the back door. The tall, beautiful brunette known as Vampire #99 immediately uses her vampire/feminine wiles on Justin and seduces the Golden Boy. She quickly bites his neck and tosses him to the floor. “NOOO!!!” yells Brandon as he sees his BFF fall.
“Watching my bud fall to a lousy dame like that twists my stomach into a knot. It makes my blood boil red hot. I’m going to make her pay. I don’t care if she looks like a dame to kill for. I’ll go to Hell and back if I have to. No matter what, I’m going to make sure I give her the hard goodbye,” growls Brandon.
The Detroit Tiger grabs a pool ball and chucks it right at Vampire #99, but he over throws it. “Missed it by that much,” he says to himself. He then takes a pool cue, snaps it in half and attacks the beautiful Vampire, who slightly resembles Anne Hathaway or a young Barbara Feldon. He knocks her to the bar floor and drives the splintered pool cue into her black heart. Brandon then rushes to Justin’s side, but it’s too late. Rage and anger fill Inge’s heart as he turns his attention to Bellatrix. The crazed witch, however has little patience for this and kills Brandon by shouting “Avada Kedavra,” thus hitting him with the killing curse. She is then knocked down by a bar stool wielding Sylar. Meanwhile, Marv is intensely focused on destroying Shredder. The Foot Clan leader is quick and agile, causing severe amounts of damage to the bruiser with his various blades. But Marv is unrelenting. He is able to catch one of Shredder’s spin kicks and that’s all he needs. Marv levels Shredder with a roundhouse that knocks him clear across the bar. Marv then grabs a hold of Shredder’s helmet and with sheer brute force, crushes it in on the ninja master’s skull. “That one’s for you Nancy,” Marv says to himself, as he is completely soaked in blood. Sylar peers into Bellatrix’s mind in an attempt to learn her powers, but finds out that not only is magic on a whole different level than super powers, but she is also completely bat s#!t insane. Before he can truly understand the correct pronunciation of “Avada Kedavra,” Bellatrix says it for him and kills him with another killing curse. Marv is bleeding badly from is wounds inflicted upon him by Shredder, but he will never go down without a fight. Bellatrix starts cackling, because she is confident that she has this match all but wrapped up for her team. But just then, a vampire Justin Oblak leaps onto her back and attacks her. “Quick… Marv… kill this b!*ch while we still have the chance,” Vampire Justin says. Marv picks up Brandon Inge’s baseball bat and with a massive swing, he literally explodes Bellatrix’s head. “Marv… you gotta kill me now.. if I turn completely… I’ll come after you too,” pleads Justin. “Aww come on little guy, I don’t want to hurt you,” Marv replies to his teammates request. “JUST DO IT!!” shouts Vampire Golden Boy. Marv snaps the bat in two and reluctantly drives it through the Golden Boy’s heart. Marv then walks behind the bar and finds a bottle of whisky and proceeds to drink the whole thing in honor of his fallen teammates.
MICHAEL VICK’S BAD NEWZ KENNELZ OF LURV IS VICTORIOUS!!
Oblivio is Shredder, Bellatrix Lestrange, and Vampire #99.
Some theme music for the match. (GREAT idea Nickatu)
“The stench of old cigar smoke fills the air as well as my lungs. I have to squint my eyes to see through the haze. I notice Nancy starting to take the stage. The crowd salivates with anticipation. Personally, my mouth is watering from the fact that I know in mere moment my team of warriors are going to find Oblivio and wipe the floor of Kadie’s Club Pecos with their limp bodies. I see my teammates sitting up against the stage tossing back a few brews before the oncoming battle. My name? Brandon Inge. I’m part of the Bad Newz Kennelz.”
Brandon Inge walks calmly over to his three teammates, Marv, Sylar and Justin Oblak, who are all enjoying Nancy’s show. Within moments, Shredder crashes through the door, leaps up onto the stage and slices Nancy’s throat wide open. “Oh you’re gonna pay for that one pal,” grunts Marv. Justin jumps off of his bar stool and smashes his Miller Lite bottle on the bar. Shredder’s two teammates, Bellatrix Lestrange and Vampire #99, enter the bar as the rest of the patrons flee out the back door. The tall, beautiful brunette known as Vampire #99 immediately uses her vampire/feminine wiles on Justin and seduces the Golden Boy. She quickly bites his neck and tosses him to the floor. “NOOO!!!” yells Brandon as he sees his BFF fall.
“Watching my bud fall to a lousy dame like that twists my stomach into a knot. It makes my blood boil red hot. I’m going to make her pay. I don’t care if she looks like a dame to kill for. I’ll go to Hell and back if I have to. No matter what, I’m going to make sure I give her the hard goodbye,” growls Brandon.
The Detroit Tiger grabs a pool ball and chucks it right at Vampire #99, but he over throws it. “Missed it by that much,” he says to himself. He then takes a pool cue, snaps it in half and attacks the beautiful Vampire, who slightly resembles Anne Hathaway or a young Barbara Feldon. He knocks her to the bar floor and drives the splintered pool cue into her black heart. Brandon then rushes to Justin’s side, but it’s too late. Rage and anger fill Inge’s heart as he turns his attention to Bellatrix. The crazed witch, however has little patience for this and kills Brandon by shouting “Avada Kedavra,” thus hitting him with the killing curse. She is then knocked down by a bar stool wielding Sylar. Meanwhile, Marv is intensely focused on destroying Shredder. The Foot Clan leader is quick and agile, causing severe amounts of damage to the bruiser with his various blades. But Marv is unrelenting. He is able to catch one of Shredder’s spin kicks and that’s all he needs. Marv levels Shredder with a roundhouse that knocks him clear across the bar. Marv then grabs a hold of Shredder’s helmet and with sheer brute force, crushes it in on the ninja master’s skull. “That one’s for you Nancy,” Marv says to himself, as he is completely soaked in blood. Sylar peers into Bellatrix’s mind in an attempt to learn her powers, but finds out that not only is magic on a whole different level than super powers, but she is also completely bat s#!t insane. Before he can truly understand the correct pronunciation of “Avada Kedavra,” Bellatrix says it for him and kills him with another killing curse. Marv is bleeding badly from is wounds inflicted upon him by Shredder, but he will never go down without a fight. Bellatrix starts cackling, because she is confident that she has this match all but wrapped up for her team. But just then, a vampire Justin Oblak leaps onto her back and attacks her. “Quick… Marv… kill this b!*ch while we still have the chance,” Vampire Justin says. Marv picks up Brandon Inge’s baseball bat and with a massive swing, he literally explodes Bellatrix’s head. “Marv… you gotta kill me now.. if I turn completely… I’ll come after you too,” pleads Justin. “Aww come on little guy, I don’t want to hurt you,” Marv replies to his teammates request. “JUST DO IT!!” shouts Vampire Golden Boy. Marv snaps the bat in two and reluctantly drives it through the Golden Boy’s heart. Marv then walks behind the bar and finds a bottle of whisky and proceeds to drink the whole thing in honor of his fallen teammates.
MICHAEL VICK’S BAD NEWZ KENNELZ OF LURV IS VICTORIOUS!!
Week 2
Setting: The Arctic Ocean
Points: 200
Prize: Suit of Mandalorian Armor
-George Washington's Slaves Vs. The Horsemen of Apokolips (Josh)
-The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets Vs. TEAM (Ryan)
-Pop-Superstar Hannah Montana & President Barack Obama's "Best of Both Worlds" Touring Battalion of Commandos Vs. Built (Bill) Ford Tough (Bryan)
-Hayley's Comets Vs. Logical Genocide (Bryan)
-The Transfoamers Vs. Beckerman's Backyardigan's: Beeyatches (Mike)
-Le' Napoleon Brigade Vs. Team S.P. (Josh)
-P.M.S. Vs. Alice's Wonder Team (Bryan)
-Brock Sampson's Fighting Murderflies Vs. The Abomitrons (Ryan)
-The Right Wing Vs. Oblivio (Josh)
-Xavier's Annihilation Squad Vs. The Untouchables (Josh)
-The Syracuse Valley Vs. Michaels Vick's Bad newz Kennelz of Lurve (Nick)
-Better Than All of You Vs. Bruce's Bodacious Bullies (Josh)
Points: 200
Prize: Suit of Mandalorian Armor
-George Washington's Slaves Vs. The Horsemen of Apokolips (Josh)
-The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets Vs. TEAM (Ryan)
-Pop-Superstar Hannah Montana & President Barack Obama's "Best of Both Worlds" Touring Battalion of Commandos Vs. Built (Bill) Ford Tough (Bryan)
-Hayley's Comets Vs. Logical Genocide (Bryan)
-The Transfoamers Vs. Beckerman's Backyardigan's: Beeyatches (Mike)
-Le' Napoleon Brigade Vs. Team S.P. (Josh)
-P.M.S. Vs. Alice's Wonder Team (Bryan)
-Brock Sampson's Fighting Murderflies Vs. The Abomitrons (Ryan)
-The Right Wing Vs. Oblivio (Josh)
-Xavier's Annihilation Squad Vs. The Untouchables (Josh)
-The Syracuse Valley Vs. Michaels Vick's Bad newz Kennelz of Lurve (Nick)
-Better Than All of You Vs. Bruce's Bodacious Bullies (Josh)
The Syracuse Valley Vs. Better Than All of You
The Syracuse Valley is Omega Red, Bossk, The Toxic Avenger, & Little Goomba #4.
Better Than All of You are Batman & Robin (Dick Grayson & Damian) & Gwar: Oderus Urungus, Flattus Maximus, Balsac the Jaws of Death, Beefcake the Mighty, Jizmack Da Gusha, Slymenstra Hymen, The Sexecutioner, & Sleazy P. Martini.
You might think the members of either of these teams would cause a scene if they walked into a bar but they all fit in just fine as they walk in the 2 opposite entrances of the Mos Eisely Cantina. These 2 teams both succeed in making this wretched hive just a little more scum-filled and villainous. The Valley and The Betters don’t waste any time moving toward the middle of the bar where they will do battle, even the likes of Dr. Evazan and Panda Baba step back out of the way to see who comes out on top. Little Goomba #4 walks in to The Sexecutioner, which of course kills him, but Sleazy P. Martini avenges his band mate by jumping on top of Little Goomba #4 to get his final 100 points. Omega Red and Bossk both square off against Batman and Robin. You may think that Omega Red and Bossk would not work as well together as the new dynamic duo, but after fighting alongside each other since day 1 of Season 1, Red and Bossk are quite the team. Batman and Robin have the speed advantage as they jump into action peppering the 2 Valley boys with batarangs and other advanced Wayne tech. Red and Bossk both get pretty banged up but they fight thru the pain. Bossk manages to block a dropkick from Robin and knock him to the ground. Once Robin is down Bossk is able to pull out his blaster and finish off the son of Bruce Wayne. The old Robin and new Batman delivers a mega kick to the head of Omega Red but the Russian just keeps coming. He grabs a hold of Batman with his tentacles and squeezes the life out of Dick Grayson. Meanwhile The Toxic Avenger has just put the business end of his mop into the mouth and straight out the back of the head of Jizmack Da Gusha. As the remaining members of Gwar regroup Omega Red, The Toxic Avenger, and Bossk form up as well. Bossk jumps into action first by shooting Flattus Maximus dead, but then goes down swinging as he dies by a lightsaber in the chest from Beefcake the Mighty. The Syracuse Valley’s very first pick prepares to make his final FFL stand. He takes out both of the Jedi lightsaber-wielding Gwar members Balsac the Jaws of Death & Beefcake the Mighty with his tentacles while he simultaneously kills Slymenstra Hymen and Sleazy P. Martini with his bare hands. Omega Red is about to finish off Gwar’s leader and most powerful member when Oderus Urungus throws his new red lightsaber into the head of Omega Red to kill him off for good. Oderus takes only a brief second to be proud of his gnarly lightsaber throw, but it is just enough time for The Toxic Avenger to knock him to the ground with his mop and then rip a bolted down chair off the ground so he can use it to bash in Oderus’ skull and take revenge for the 3 fallen Valley members that he barely got to know.
THE SYRACUSE VALLEY IS VICTORIOUS!
Better Than All of You are Batman & Robin (Dick Grayson & Damian) & Gwar: Oderus Urungus, Flattus Maximus, Balsac the Jaws of Death, Beefcake the Mighty, Jizmack Da Gusha, Slymenstra Hymen, The Sexecutioner, & Sleazy P. Martini.
You might think the members of either of these teams would cause a scene if they walked into a bar but they all fit in just fine as they walk in the 2 opposite entrances of the Mos Eisely Cantina. These 2 teams both succeed in making this wretched hive just a little more scum-filled and villainous. The Valley and The Betters don’t waste any time moving toward the middle of the bar where they will do battle, even the likes of Dr. Evazan and Panda Baba step back out of the way to see who comes out on top. Little Goomba #4 walks in to The Sexecutioner, which of course kills him, but Sleazy P. Martini avenges his band mate by jumping on top of Little Goomba #4 to get his final 100 points. Omega Red and Bossk both square off against Batman and Robin. You may think that Omega Red and Bossk would not work as well together as the new dynamic duo, but after fighting alongside each other since day 1 of Season 1, Red and Bossk are quite the team. Batman and Robin have the speed advantage as they jump into action peppering the 2 Valley boys with batarangs and other advanced Wayne tech. Red and Bossk both get pretty banged up but they fight thru the pain. Bossk manages to block a dropkick from Robin and knock him to the ground. Once Robin is down Bossk is able to pull out his blaster and finish off the son of Bruce Wayne. The old Robin and new Batman delivers a mega kick to the head of Omega Red but the Russian just keeps coming. He grabs a hold of Batman with his tentacles and squeezes the life out of Dick Grayson. Meanwhile The Toxic Avenger has just put the business end of his mop into the mouth and straight out the back of the head of Jizmack Da Gusha. As the remaining members of Gwar regroup Omega Red, The Toxic Avenger, and Bossk form up as well. Bossk jumps into action first by shooting Flattus Maximus dead, but then goes down swinging as he dies by a lightsaber in the chest from Beefcake the Mighty. The Syracuse Valley’s very first pick prepares to make his final FFL stand. He takes out both of the Jedi lightsaber-wielding Gwar members Balsac the Jaws of Death & Beefcake the Mighty with his tentacles while he simultaneously kills Slymenstra Hymen and Sleazy P. Martini with his bare hands. Omega Red is about to finish off Gwar’s leader and most powerful member when Oderus Urungus throws his new red lightsaber into the head of Omega Red to kill him off for good. Oderus takes only a brief second to be proud of his gnarly lightsaber throw, but it is just enough time for The Toxic Avenger to knock him to the ground with his mop and then rip a bolted down chair off the ground so he can use it to bash in Oderus’ skull and take revenge for the 3 fallen Valley members that he barely got to know.
THE SYRACUSE VALLEY IS VICTORIOUS!
Pop-Superstar Hannah Montana & President Barack Obama's "Best of Both Worlds" Touring Battalion of Commandos Vs. The Transfoamers
Pop-Superstar Hannah Montana & President Barack Obama’s “Best of Both Worlds” Touring Battalion of Commandos is Ben Kenobi, Roger Murtaugh, Martin Riggs, Venus & Serena Williams, Mrs. Doubtfire, & Ewok Baby #5.
The Transfoamers are Darth Bane, Odd Job, & Dr. No.
Not only does Darth Bane not know or care to know the names of his two teammates, he doesn’t even know what FFL team he is on. The first round draft pick of The (former) Legion of Doom, now known as Xavier’s Annihilation Squad has personally passed down his immense knowledge of the Dark Side to the many Sith Lords on his former team, all so he could be pawned off on some new expansion team for the remainder of his career (for however short that may be). Darth Bane, despite being rewarded with a new yellow power ring, is angrier than he has ever been after what has happened to him, and if there is one certainty in this universe, it is that it is never a good idea to make a Sith Lord angry. The Commandos are all in the back room at Cheers in Boston playing pool when The Transfoamers come rushing in. Lord Bane bursts in first, paying no heed to what his two Bond villain teammates are doing. Darth Bane merely lifts his wrist to completely vaporize Murtaugh and then jumps into action. Riggs pulls out his Beretta 92 and is about to take aim at Dr. No, but before he can The Williams Sisters are already brutally beating him to death with their tennis rackets. Venus and Serena finish off Dr. No but they are then killed themselves by Darth Bane’s amazingly fast moving lightsaber. Bane then blasts Riggs with an amazingly potent blast of Sith Lightning which leaves only a blackened and crisp bodily form burning on the bar carpet. Odd Job throws his hat at Ewok Baby #5 to create the cutest headless thing in the universe while he puts a choke hold on Mrs. Doubtfire which ends in the cracking of the most unfunny neck in movie history. Odd Job is about to catch his killer hat as it boomerangs back to him but he is force pushed into the other side of the room by Master Kenobi. Old Ben and Darth Bane get ready to square off against each other. Lord Bane is certain that his mastery of the force is greater than that of this aged Jedi plus he has the power of his yellow ring to contend with as well. Ben Kenobi may not be the most powerful Jedi in the long history of the order, but in his long career, he has done battle with the best of them and always managed to stay alive. The 2 of them begin lightsaber dueling with Darth Bane going on the offensive and Ben using his Form 3 lightsaber skills to block everything that Bane brings at him. Darth Bane keeps attacking with his lightsaber but at the same time uses his yellow ring to invoke fear in the Jedi Master. The man once known by all as Obi Wan realizes that this yellow ring is the key to what seems like a sure fire victory for the Dark Lord of The Sith. Kenobi knows, like any Jedi that fear is the path to the dark side and he begins to feel this overwhelming fear as he flicks his wrist at just the right time to cut off the right hand of Bane which holds the finger that holds the ring, as well as his crimson lightsaber. Darth Bane falls to his knees in front of Kenobi while the yellow ring hovers next to the 2 force users as if the ring itself is unsure as to who it should latch on to. Lord Bane begins to laugh as this situation unfolds. Kenobi holds his lightsaber ready to strike as Darth Bane taunts him: “Strike me down, Jedi take on the power of this ring and of the dark side and fulfill my legacy of power. Kill me or I’ll kill you. Either way, it is I who is victorious. It is the Dark Side which will be triumphant. I beg you to finish this the only way you can. You cannot escape your destiny. I foresee you will be a powerful Sith Lord, whether it be by my side or in my stead. Or perhaps you would rather die a failure. A useless old man, begotten by the power he has dedicated himself to”. As Obi Wan stands over Darth Bane with the yellow power ring floating over his head he digs deep into his conscious, unable to decide the right path with only the choices that have been laid before him. He knows that even a Jedi as dedicated as he cannot resist the temptations of the Dark Side when they have been thrust upon him in this way, yet he cannot let a monster like Bane continue on existing either. Throughout all his years of collected wisdom Obi Wan simply cannot come to the right answer which is why he lets the force decide. Obi Wan kneels down face to face with the hideous Sith Lord as he throws his lightsaber into the air. The midi chlorians take control of the Jedi weapon and in an attempt to restore the proper balance to the force have the lightsaber cut thru both Kenobi and Bane’s necks before resting on the ground next to the 2 dead bodies. A dizzy and bruised Odd Job is so amazed at what he witnessed that he doesn’t even realize he is the only man left alive in the match.
THE TRANSFOAMERS ARE VICTORIOUS!
The Transfoamers are Darth Bane, Odd Job, & Dr. No.
Not only does Darth Bane not know or care to know the names of his two teammates, he doesn’t even know what FFL team he is on. The first round draft pick of The (former) Legion of Doom, now known as Xavier’s Annihilation Squad has personally passed down his immense knowledge of the Dark Side to the many Sith Lords on his former team, all so he could be pawned off on some new expansion team for the remainder of his career (for however short that may be). Darth Bane, despite being rewarded with a new yellow power ring, is angrier than he has ever been after what has happened to him, and if there is one certainty in this universe, it is that it is never a good idea to make a Sith Lord angry. The Commandos are all in the back room at Cheers in Boston playing pool when The Transfoamers come rushing in. Lord Bane bursts in first, paying no heed to what his two Bond villain teammates are doing. Darth Bane merely lifts his wrist to completely vaporize Murtaugh and then jumps into action. Riggs pulls out his Beretta 92 and is about to take aim at Dr. No, but before he can The Williams Sisters are already brutally beating him to death with their tennis rackets. Venus and Serena finish off Dr. No but they are then killed themselves by Darth Bane’s amazingly fast moving lightsaber. Bane then blasts Riggs with an amazingly potent blast of Sith Lightning which leaves only a blackened and crisp bodily form burning on the bar carpet. Odd Job throws his hat at Ewok Baby #5 to create the cutest headless thing in the universe while he puts a choke hold on Mrs. Doubtfire which ends in the cracking of the most unfunny neck in movie history. Odd Job is about to catch his killer hat as it boomerangs back to him but he is force pushed into the other side of the room by Master Kenobi. Old Ben and Darth Bane get ready to square off against each other. Lord Bane is certain that his mastery of the force is greater than that of this aged Jedi plus he has the power of his yellow ring to contend with as well. Ben Kenobi may not be the most powerful Jedi in the long history of the order, but in his long career, he has done battle with the best of them and always managed to stay alive. The 2 of them begin lightsaber dueling with Darth Bane going on the offensive and Ben using his Form 3 lightsaber skills to block everything that Bane brings at him. Darth Bane keeps attacking with his lightsaber but at the same time uses his yellow ring to invoke fear in the Jedi Master. The man once known by all as Obi Wan realizes that this yellow ring is the key to what seems like a sure fire victory for the Dark Lord of The Sith. Kenobi knows, like any Jedi that fear is the path to the dark side and he begins to feel this overwhelming fear as he flicks his wrist at just the right time to cut off the right hand of Bane which holds the finger that holds the ring, as well as his crimson lightsaber. Darth Bane falls to his knees in front of Kenobi while the yellow ring hovers next to the 2 force users as if the ring itself is unsure as to who it should latch on to. Lord Bane begins to laugh as this situation unfolds. Kenobi holds his lightsaber ready to strike as Darth Bane taunts him: “Strike me down, Jedi take on the power of this ring and of the dark side and fulfill my legacy of power. Kill me or I’ll kill you. Either way, it is I who is victorious. It is the Dark Side which will be triumphant. I beg you to finish this the only way you can. You cannot escape your destiny. I foresee you will be a powerful Sith Lord, whether it be by my side or in my stead. Or perhaps you would rather die a failure. A useless old man, begotten by the power he has dedicated himself to”. As Obi Wan stands over Darth Bane with the yellow power ring floating over his head he digs deep into his conscious, unable to decide the right path with only the choices that have been laid before him. He knows that even a Jedi as dedicated as he cannot resist the temptations of the Dark Side when they have been thrust upon him in this way, yet he cannot let a monster like Bane continue on existing either. Throughout all his years of collected wisdom Obi Wan simply cannot come to the right answer which is why he lets the force decide. Obi Wan kneels down face to face with the hideous Sith Lord as he throws his lightsaber into the air. The midi chlorians take control of the Jedi weapon and in an attempt to restore the proper balance to the force have the lightsaber cut thru both Kenobi and Bane’s necks before resting on the ground next to the 2 dead bodies. A dizzy and bruised Odd Job is so amazed at what he witnessed that he doesn’t even realize he is the only man left alive in the match.
THE TRANSFOAMERS ARE VICTORIOUS!
Xavier's Annihilation Squad Vs. The Right Wing
Xavier’s Annihilation Squad is Mary Embery, Kevin, Lurch, Ewok #5, & Treasure Troll #5.
The Right Wing is Silver Surfer, Martin Blank, Slimer, & Ewok Baby #3 & 4.
After waiting outside for almost 45 minutes with a bunch of fresh Bayside graduates (and a few cool kids with fake I.D.‘s) both teams finally make their may into the Attic, the coolest nightclub hangout around. While all of the “kids” are hanging out at the Maxx, these cool Californians will be dancing the night away to some fresh beats. Once inside the 2 teams separate and then start moving toward the center of the club where they will begin some close quarters combat. Kevin jumps at the chance to slaughter some babies, no matter what species they are and begins ripping apart the 2 cute little ewok babies (it was sickening folks). Slimer flies by from behind the bar and literally scares Treasure Troll #5 to death. But Lurch picks up a bottle of Hot Damn and chugs the entire thing. He then blows fire out of his mouth at Slimer and fries the little green ghost into oblivion. Martin Blank briefly thinks to himself that that is one of the craziest ways he has ever seen someone killed even since he joined the FFL, but it doesn’t stop him from killing Lurch the old fashioned way by pumping him full of about 8 bullets from his twin Glocks. He then turns and puts one lone bullet right between the eyes of Ewok #5. Mary Embery gets shot by one of Martin Blank’s bullets as well but it just makes her smile on her way over to him. The bullet deflects off of Mary Embery’s chest and kills a random steroid laden twenty-something surfer dude while Mary punches a hole thru martin’s face. Silver Surfer is having trouble navigating his surfboard in the crowded club but it doesn’t stop him from using the power cosmic to fry Kevin. Mary and Silver Surfer square off against each other, and Mary Embery almost instantly tackles the surfer off his board. The 2 of them start trading punches with each other that could knock buildings down, but neither of them let up. Silver Surfer, though just as strong or stronger than Mary Embery, simply doesn’t quite have the brawling ability of his female opponent. Mary Embery leans back and with all of her might hits Silver Surfer so hard with a double fisted punch that it breaks his neck.
XAVIER’S ANNIHILATION SQUAD IS VICTORIOUS!
The Right Wing is Silver Surfer, Martin Blank, Slimer, & Ewok Baby #3 & 4.
After waiting outside for almost 45 minutes with a bunch of fresh Bayside graduates (and a few cool kids with fake I.D.‘s) both teams finally make their may into the Attic, the coolest nightclub hangout around. While all of the “kids” are hanging out at the Maxx, these cool Californians will be dancing the night away to some fresh beats. Once inside the 2 teams separate and then start moving toward the center of the club where they will begin some close quarters combat. Kevin jumps at the chance to slaughter some babies, no matter what species they are and begins ripping apart the 2 cute little ewok babies (it was sickening folks). Slimer flies by from behind the bar and literally scares Treasure Troll #5 to death. But Lurch picks up a bottle of Hot Damn and chugs the entire thing. He then blows fire out of his mouth at Slimer and fries the little green ghost into oblivion. Martin Blank briefly thinks to himself that that is one of the craziest ways he has ever seen someone killed even since he joined the FFL, but it doesn’t stop him from killing Lurch the old fashioned way by pumping him full of about 8 bullets from his twin Glocks. He then turns and puts one lone bullet right between the eyes of Ewok #5. Mary Embery gets shot by one of Martin Blank’s bullets as well but it just makes her smile on her way over to him. The bullet deflects off of Mary Embery’s chest and kills a random steroid laden twenty-something surfer dude while Mary punches a hole thru martin’s face. Silver Surfer is having trouble navigating his surfboard in the crowded club but it doesn’t stop him from using the power cosmic to fry Kevin. Mary and Silver Surfer square off against each other, and Mary Embery almost instantly tackles the surfer off his board. The 2 of them start trading punches with each other that could knock buildings down, but neither of them let up. Silver Surfer, though just as strong or stronger than Mary Embery, simply doesn’t quite have the brawling ability of his female opponent. Mary Embery leans back and with all of her might hits Silver Surfer so hard with a double fisted punch that it breaks his neck.
XAVIER’S ANNIHILATION SQUAD IS VICTORIOUS!
Logical Genocide Vs. The Horsemen of Apokolips
Logical Genocide is The Hood, Bronze Tiger, Tallahassee, Robert Hudson, Ewok #74, & Smurf #10.
The Horsemen of Apokolips are Sabertooth, Josh Houslander Jedi Knight, Chris Artrip, & Larry Reamer.
Sabertooth and the rest of The Horsemen are just finishing up dinner in that restaurant above Cheers that that bald guy owns. They begin walking down the stairs to the place where everybody knows your name when Fizzle asks his fellow Myrmidon Sabertooth “What’s your problem Victor, you seem even more intense than normal today”. Sabertooth doesn’t say a word, but Larry answers the question instead: “Maybe he’s a little nervous, because Coach Lectur pulled him aside and told him that if he loses to an expansion team in the bar that he’ll give ol’ Sabertooth his last three deaths himself”. “Can it Reamer, or I’ll gut you as soon as I’m done with these expansion clowns”. Sabertooth retorts. As the 4 Horsemen get to the bottom of the stairs, the members of Logical Genocide are already sitting in the booth right behind where Norm, Cliff, & Paul sit, right next to Sam’s office. The Horsemen realize that this is a sore subject with Sabertooth, so they change the conversation. Josh turns to Larry and says: “Hey Lar, how do you like the new lightsaber”? Larry replies with: “Ehh, it’s alright but fancy weapons are no match for a good nail gun at your side”. The Horsemen are wrong to think that this match is going to start out slow and methodical, as Logical Genocide is eager to make a name for themselves in this league. The Hood leads his team as he jumps over the bar with his twin Glocks blazing. Tallahassee backs him up with her pump 12 gauge and almost hits “Z”, but him and Larry jump over the bar into the area where Carla usually stands. Larry and Artifact are both crouching under the bar when they look over at each other and give that “pissed off at the world” look that they are both so good at. The 2 of them stay low while Tallahassee keeps blasting shattered glass all over them with 12 gauge buckshot. Larry whispers to Fizz: “I’ll draw her fire and you bust a cap in this b**ch”. Larry then ignites his lightsaber and starts swinging it wildly. Tallahassee turns her attention toward him while Artifizzle pulls out his Beretta and puts 6 bullets in her chest (that’s about how many 9mm’s it takes to kill a 110 lb woman, right?). Robert Hudson valiantly jumps over the bar to attack Chris, and take revenge for his fallen comrade. Rob grabs a bottle of Miller Lite and breaks it on the bar. He leaps into the air with plans to come down hard on Artrip but his Jedi brother-in law leaps into the air flips down below the hanging glasses and uses his lightsaber to slice Robert in half. Ewok #74 and Smurf #10 jump into the fray, but Larry pulls out his new green lightsaber and uses it to skewer the ewok. Larry then swings his lightsaber again and takes out the jumping smurf in mid-air (quite a shot for a beginner with a lightsaber). Josh says: “Hey Lar, you still miss that nail gun”, which Larry replies to by saying: “I think I could get used to this”. The Hood begins lighting up the friendliest place in Boston with his guns when the Artinator begins firing back. The Fizzster takes aim, but he Hood is just to quick for him. Once The Hood gets in close C-Dog has just enough time to pull out the katana he got from Josh (the dead version) but not enough time to use it. The Hood then finishes him off. Sabertooth instantly jumps into action and begins battling with The Hood, while Josh and Larry pull out their lightsabers and move toward Bronze Tiger. Sabertooth and The Hood go at it intensely for only a couple of minutes. When 2 competitors fight as fiercely as they do the fight cannot possibly last long. Sabertooth knocks both of The Hood’s guns away and despite suffering some blows that would be debilitating to a man without Sabertooth’s healing factor, Sabertooth fights thru and ends the fight by jabbing his razor sharp nails into The Hood’s neck. While this is going on Bronze Tiger has kicked Larry over the bar toward the front door, leaving Jedi Josh alone to fight him. Josh swings for a head shot against Bronze Tiger but he is to swift. The lightsaber takes a chunk out of the arm of Bronze Tiger but the miss opens Josh up for Bronze Tiger to put him in a choke hold that breaks his neck. Bronze Tiger turns his attention toward Larry who just picked back up his lightsaber and is still shaking off being launched across Cheers, but the Horsemen he should be worried about is Sabertooth. Sabertooth knocks Bronze Tiger to the ground and then their brawl ensues. Bronze Tiger is a worthy opponent, but he does not match up to Sabertooth’s skills. Sabertooth goes crazy and ends up with the help of his strength and sharp edged fingers ripping Bronze Tiger’s head clean off. When the enraged Sabertooth turns his head, he thinks for a second that Larry is coming up behind him with his lightsaber in his hand but instead he realizes that Larry’s saber is put away and that his hands are filled with 2 bottles of Miller Lite. Larry hands one to Sabertooth and says: “Hey Victor, this rounds on me”.
THE HORSEMEN OF APOKOLIPS ARE VICTORIOUS!
The Horsemen of Apokolips are Sabertooth, Josh Houslander Jedi Knight, Chris Artrip, & Larry Reamer.
Sabertooth and the rest of The Horsemen are just finishing up dinner in that restaurant above Cheers that that bald guy owns. They begin walking down the stairs to the place where everybody knows your name when Fizzle asks his fellow Myrmidon Sabertooth “What’s your problem Victor, you seem even more intense than normal today”. Sabertooth doesn’t say a word, but Larry answers the question instead: “Maybe he’s a little nervous, because Coach Lectur pulled him aside and told him that if he loses to an expansion team in the bar that he’ll give ol’ Sabertooth his last three deaths himself”. “Can it Reamer, or I’ll gut you as soon as I’m done with these expansion clowns”. Sabertooth retorts. As the 4 Horsemen get to the bottom of the stairs, the members of Logical Genocide are already sitting in the booth right behind where Norm, Cliff, & Paul sit, right next to Sam’s office. The Horsemen realize that this is a sore subject with Sabertooth, so they change the conversation. Josh turns to Larry and says: “Hey Lar, how do you like the new lightsaber”? Larry replies with: “Ehh, it’s alright but fancy weapons are no match for a good nail gun at your side”. The Horsemen are wrong to think that this match is going to start out slow and methodical, as Logical Genocide is eager to make a name for themselves in this league. The Hood leads his team as he jumps over the bar with his twin Glocks blazing. Tallahassee backs him up with her pump 12 gauge and almost hits “Z”, but him and Larry jump over the bar into the area where Carla usually stands. Larry and Artifact are both crouching under the bar when they look over at each other and give that “pissed off at the world” look that they are both so good at. The 2 of them stay low while Tallahassee keeps blasting shattered glass all over them with 12 gauge buckshot. Larry whispers to Fizz: “I’ll draw her fire and you bust a cap in this b**ch”. Larry then ignites his lightsaber and starts swinging it wildly. Tallahassee turns her attention toward him while Artifizzle pulls out his Beretta and puts 6 bullets in her chest (that’s about how many 9mm’s it takes to kill a 110 lb woman, right?). Robert Hudson valiantly jumps over the bar to attack Chris, and take revenge for his fallen comrade. Rob grabs a bottle of Miller Lite and breaks it on the bar. He leaps into the air with plans to come down hard on Artrip but his Jedi brother-in law leaps into the air flips down below the hanging glasses and uses his lightsaber to slice Robert in half. Ewok #74 and Smurf #10 jump into the fray, but Larry pulls out his new green lightsaber and uses it to skewer the ewok. Larry then swings his lightsaber again and takes out the jumping smurf in mid-air (quite a shot for a beginner with a lightsaber). Josh says: “Hey Lar, you still miss that nail gun”, which Larry replies to by saying: “I think I could get used to this”. The Hood begins lighting up the friendliest place in Boston with his guns when the Artinator begins firing back. The Fizzster takes aim, but he Hood is just to quick for him. Once The Hood gets in close C-Dog has just enough time to pull out the katana he got from Josh (the dead version) but not enough time to use it. The Hood then finishes him off. Sabertooth instantly jumps into action and begins battling with The Hood, while Josh and Larry pull out their lightsabers and move toward Bronze Tiger. Sabertooth and The Hood go at it intensely for only a couple of minutes. When 2 competitors fight as fiercely as they do the fight cannot possibly last long. Sabertooth knocks both of The Hood’s guns away and despite suffering some blows that would be debilitating to a man without Sabertooth’s healing factor, Sabertooth fights thru and ends the fight by jabbing his razor sharp nails into The Hood’s neck. While this is going on Bronze Tiger has kicked Larry over the bar toward the front door, leaving Jedi Josh alone to fight him. Josh swings for a head shot against Bronze Tiger but he is to swift. The lightsaber takes a chunk out of the arm of Bronze Tiger but the miss opens Josh up for Bronze Tiger to put him in a choke hold that breaks his neck. Bronze Tiger turns his attention toward Larry who just picked back up his lightsaber and is still shaking off being launched across Cheers, but the Horsemen he should be worried about is Sabertooth. Sabertooth knocks Bronze Tiger to the ground and then their brawl ensues. Bronze Tiger is a worthy opponent, but he does not match up to Sabertooth’s skills. Sabertooth goes crazy and ends up with the help of his strength and sharp edged fingers ripping Bronze Tiger’s head clean off. When the enraged Sabertooth turns his head, he thinks for a second that Larry is coming up behind him with his lightsaber in his hand but instead he realizes that Larry’s saber is put away and that his hands are filled with 2 bottles of Miller Lite. Larry hands one to Sabertooth and says: “Hey Victor, this rounds on me”.
THE HORSEMEN OF APOKOLIPS ARE VICTORIOUS!
Season 3: Match #1: Brock Sampson's Fighting Murderflies vs. P.M.S.
A Sample of the Music Played in the Pub
Brock Sampson’s Fighting Murderflies is Lobo, Michael Weston, Ted Nugent and Greedo.
P.M.S is Magnetic Kid, The Peach, The Guild of Drundledorks which includes: Avette, Dr. Boom Boom Pow, Groudius Maximus, Arjhan Darkscale and Bagwa, The Candyland Crew which includes: The Gingerbread People, Mr. Mint, Grandma Nut, Princess Lolly, Lord Licorice, King Kandy, Jolly, Plumpy, Queen Frostine and Gloppy the Molasses Monster.
Location: The Eagle and Child Pub in Oxford, England in the early 1960’s.
Michael Weston: “Why is it 1961?”
Ted Nugent: “When you’ve been in this league as long as I’ve been, you just stop asking questions and go with it after a while.”
Lobo: “My guess you guys; sometimes the watchers obsessions come into play a little bit more then they should.”
Michael Weston: “The Watchers? What the hell are you talking about? What’s that?”
Lobo: “Never mind”
Ted Nugent: “Wait a second you guys, isn’t this the place that Tolkien and C.S. Lewis used to go to all the time?”
Lobo, Michael and Greedo all look at Ted with a look that says, “Are you really asking us this question and expecting to get a legitimate answer”.
Lobo: “I don’t know man. Though since it is 1961, I am guessing that they might actually be here right now. Just a guess though and for the record, I don’t care.”
Greedo: “Can we get this going you guys, I don’t want to be here forever. I fear that this match has the chance of lasting for a really long time.”
The remaining Murderflies naturally have no idea what Greedo is saying, as they don’t have Han Solo’s amazing language skills or George Lucas’s subtitles.
Just then the door burst open and a goofy green suited man walked in the door shouting something about Pelor, the sun god.
Dr. Boom Boom Pow: “What a glorious day this is, Pelor has once again shined down upon us today”.
Groudius Maximus: “Ah yes, for it is a glorious morn indeed my good sir.”
As they said this, very loudly I must add, one of the patron’s in the pub began to ask the doctor whom he was referring to. He explained to him that Pelor was his god and that he was thanking him for blessing the day with such beauty. The patron took offense to this comment and began to question him about why he was pretending to pray to a pagan god. The conversation eventually escalated into and argument and after a while, the entire Guild of Drundledorks were screaming and cursing the patrons out.
Michael Weston: “Should we do something about this?”
Lobo: “No, just them argue. I have a feeling this isn’t even half of their team, so the longer they are distracted the better”.
Greedo: “What do you mean only half of their team? How many people are we fighting today?”
Greedo’s teammates once again looked at him with puzzled looks, as the language barrier had yet to improve. This is when the remaining members of P.M.S walked into the pub. Magnetic Kid came in with a small gentleman wearing a large black coat. Following behind them was a cavalcade of colorful characters, all talking in high-pitched annoying voices.
Greedo: “Come on, are you serious with this s%@t! What’s with all the characters? Isn’t this basically just an over zealous pre-season match? This is going to take forever.”
By this time, his teammates had begun to just ignore Greedo, as there was no real point in listening to his nonsensical babble. During this time the screaming match between the Drundle’s and the patrons continued to roar on and Lobo had decided to take a seat at the bar and get a drink.
Michael Weston: “You’re drinking already Lobo?”
Lobo: “Hell yeah, you can smoke in here as well Mike. Remember, it’s 1961 man. Light one up and relax.”
Michael Weston: “Good call Lobes.”
Michael lights up a cigarette and proclaims to his teammate that he loves the 1960’s. The next half hour is spent relaxing and taking in the atmosphere of the place. It had this great old feel to it; with it’s smoke lined ceilings and warm wood finishes, the place spoke to you with its unknown history. It felt old, yet at the same time ready to take on whatever the future may be bringing its way. Needless to say, the patrons and combatants all felt the same way about the place.
By this time the Drundle’s had made peace via alcohol with the men at the bar and the Candyland characters were sitting at the two booths in the corner sharing several bottles of what appeared to be a French Syrah. They seemed to be having a gay old time, as did everyone in the pub. That is everyone except for Greedo. He had tried to relax along with everyone else, but it didn’t seem to be sitting very well with him. He sat at the bar with his teammates, but unlike them, Greedo was very agitated and not enjoying his trip back in time. He wanted to get this match over with as soon as possible and he knew the only way to get things rolling, was to do something drastic.
Greedo: “Screw this you guys, I don’t want to spend all god d@$%ed day in this moldy hell hole.”
This is when Greedo walked over to the Candyland crew’s booth and began to do what Greedo does best, shoot first. His initial shots actually proved most lucrative, as he took out Mr. Mint, King Kandy, Plumpy and Queen Frostine before being tackled to the ground by Lord Licorice. At this point, it was obvious to both teams that the fight had now begun. The relaxation of “The Bird and the Baby” had come to end.
The Drundles at the bar heard the blaster shots from Greedo and immediately took on the fierce battle aesthetic that they would soon be known for. Luckily for Greedo though, his teammates had his back. Michael Weston pulled out his gun and shot Dr. Boom Boom Pow directly between the eyes. At the same time, the Motor City Madman had brought out his cross bow and took aim at Groudius Maximus. Nugent did get a shot off and actually hit the groudy one, but only in the shoulder. The hit did hurt him, but it was not the deathblow Teddy boy was hoping for.
During all this Greedo had been on the floor wrestling with Lord Licorice. The Lord had been trying to get the gun from the green skinned creature, but after a couple minutes of the struggle, Greedo snapped the neck of his tasty opponent. The remaining members of the Candyland crew were enraged at this point as they decided to take on Greedo together in one big bum rush. Though Greedo was more powerful in a one on one fight, the strength and rage of the Candyland crew was too much for him to take. The Rodian creature was torn to shreds and now Grandma Nut was in possession of the blaster.
The Candyland crew now had a taste for blood and immediately wanted more of it. Michael Weston caught wind of this fact and quickly jumped behind the bar and started shooting at the now blood thirty crew. He killed one of the Gingerbread people with a lucky shot to the neck, but the rest of the crew was still coming. At this point the Drundles began to unload their weapons on the Murderflies. This included magic from Avette and a barrage of attacks from Arjhan.
Michael Weston: “Hey Lobes, you gonna help us out anytime soon or you gonna just let us mortals take care of this match by ourselves?”
Lobo took one last drink of his beer and looked right at Michael and said,
“You always this needy Mike?”
Lobo then took out his chain and knocked down the entire lot of Candyland characters to the ground. He was seconds away from killing the entire crew when Magnetic Boy took control over his chain and began swinging it wildly in the air. The move was helpful for mere seconds though as deadly Tedley perfectly placed an arrow through the mouth of the once magnetic super hero. With his chain and claw back in his control, Lobo jumped on top of several Candyland creatures, brutally beating the life out of them. The only character left actually was Gloppy the Molasses Monster, who managed to push Lobo down onto the ground.
Michael Weston: “Did you just get knocked down by that thing? That was kind of pathetic Lobes.”
Lobo: “Would you stop calling me Lobes!”
Michael Weston: “Sure, when you stop fighting like a b$*%h!”
Lobo then got back on his feet, picked up Gloppy and threw him at the remaining Drundledork’s who for some reason were not moving any closer towards their opponents (must have been a bad role). Though the Drundles seemed to be getting nothing but critical misses all match, Lobo’s launching of Gloppy was a perfect hit. Gloppy knocked the dorks to the ground, stopping their offensive attacks immediately. With their P.M.S opponents on the ground together, Lobo unleashed a hellish fury of explosives on them, killing everyone but the tiny Bagwa.
Michael Weston: “Nice job Lobes, but that little ninja dude looks pissed.”
Lobo: “S#$&, hold on a second”
Lobo was taken aback by the small size of the Bad A$$ Gnome Warrior Assassin, but knew he was nothing to take lightly. The small fighter moved very fast and before Lobo even knew what was going on, he had a sword in the right side of his abdomen. Lobo was shocked as he assumed he win this fight with ease. Michael then began to shoot at the small fighter, missing him completely.
Ted Nugent: “Nice try kid, where did you learn shoot the…”
Before Ted was even able to get his insult out, he had blood pouring down his chest. The Peach, who had been hiding in the shadows of the Pub, had walked up behind the less then stealthy musician and slit his throat. This more then angered Michael who stood up and with one shot, took down the stocky black-coated figure.
Michael then jumped over the bar to help his only remaining teammate fight, but it was not necessary. Though the small assassin had injured Lobo at the beginning, the fight was not going to end in his favor. Lobo, with the sword still in his side hit Bagwa with his chain, catching him in the neck with his gutting hook. Lobo then yanked back on the chain and launched the small warrior into the wall, breaking his neck.
Michael Weston: “Nice going man.”
Lobo: “Yeah thanks.”
Michael Weston: “If you would have fought the entire match like that, we would have been out of here a lot sooner.”
Lobo: “Did it ever occur to you that I didn’t want to leave.”
Michael Weston: “Aww, I didn’t know you were the sentimental type Lobes.”
Lobo: “Just order a drink, shut up and enjoy the victory Mike. I don’t know how many more of these we are going to have this season.”
P.M.S: All Dead
Brock Sampson’s Fighting Murderflies: Lobo and Michael Weston survived
BROCK SAMPSON”S FIGHTING MURDERFLIES ARE VICTORIOUS!
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