We here at Fantasy News Network were just able to reach Horsemen of Apokolips member Grand Jedi Master Luke Skywalker for a comment regarding Head Coach Washington's response to the "A.L. Call to Arms". Here what he had to say.
"I was very taken back by what Coach Washington said earlier this week, especially about what he had to say about myself and my General Manager. I admit some of my statements were not very "Jedi-like" and I do sincerely apologize for them. It was a heat of the moment thing. I was not trying to dog the N.L. and say that they aren't an elite league either. I would have been honored to fight for any one of the National League teams. But to accuse me of "turning to the dark side" is simply unacceptable. When I was drafted this year, it was explained to me that I was going to have to "put up" with a lot of trash talking from the N.L. teams. Which to be perfectly honest to me, was quite upsetting. And at the same time I thought to myself, "How true is this? Am I only hearing one side of the story?" So I did my research. Do you know what I found? A lot from both sides. Sure the A.L. is guilty of slinging their fair amount of mud, and it's true that there were some underhanded tactics during this year's draft by some A.L. teams, that were quite embarrassing. But if you go back to last year's original announcement (2/11/08) of where the teams were going to be playing and in which division they fought in, you will find that two N.L. General Managers fired the first shots. I am all for competition, why else would I be in this great league. But there is a huge difference between healthy competition and just plain bad-mouthing. I foresee that if this continues to happen, it will only be a detriment on the Fantasy Fantasy League as a whole.
I have just spoken with my General Manager, and he has informed me that he, along with the GM of The Untouchables will be having a Summit this weekend with the GM's from both George Washington's Slaves and Le' Napoleon's Brigade, in hopes of resolving this situation.
I would like however to applaud the National League teams in that they do have undying love and loyalty to their fellow teams, I just hope that in the future they can show that same love to us here in the A.L. And I certainly understand that we here in the A.L. have some issues to deal with as well. Thank you."
Friday, February 27, 2009
Thursday, February 26, 2009
National League Press Conference
The press conference, requested by general manager Artifact of GWS, is set to begin and all the reporters are waiting patiently. The anxious crowd is excited for the first ever press conference called by this relatively quiet division champion from 2008. Expecting to see Yoda and possibly Martian Manhunter, many of the reporters are stunned when Head Coach George Washington himself emerges and steps on stage. Following closely behind him is newly elected President Barack Obama, head coach of the Nick Houslander Division Champion "PSHMAPBOBOBWTBOC". Joining the two onstage is Wonder Woman from "Le' Napoleon's Brigade", Silver Surfer from "The Right Wing", Rob Van Dam from "Better than All of You", Brock Sampson from "Brock Sampson's Fighting Murderflies", Magneto from "The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets", Rayden from "The Syracuse Valley", and Walker Texas Ranger from "The Legion of Doom".
The crowd stirs a bit before quickly quieting as the nation's first president steps to the podium. George Washington momentarily stares at the microphones attached to the podium with a confused look on his face before beginning:
The crowd stirs a bit before quickly quieting as the nation's first president steps to the podium. George Washington momentarily stares at the microphones attached to the podium with a confused look on his face before beginning:
"Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for joining us today. After the press conference held by the Horsemen of Apokolips on Tuesday, the National League felt it necessary to issue a formal response with a member of each team present. Our apologies to Ms. Wilson, GM of The Legion of Doom, an attempt was made to reach her for comment but she was unavailable. Walker: Texas Ranger has graciously agreed to join us today on behalf of their team."He continued,
"True league love is more than just saying a little phrase or smiling when you are around your fellow owners. It’s about truly enjoying the people you play against. We here in the National League do not need to remember to be nice to each other because we don't get mad at other people for mentioning things like "Car Voltron" in the first place. We also don’t go off-list at the draft and take the “Veronica Mars Detective Agency” only out of spite toward another team (a NL team I might add).
What we share is a mutual respect for each other in the NL, and also for all of you in the AL, that I just don't see the American League establishing long term. Now please understand me when I say that I do truly wish the best for all of you and I hope the face of the AL can change to one of friendship and love. President Barack Obama has graciously agreed to help you all on your road to change. And also, anything that we in the NL can do to help you all, we will be glad to help. Furthermore, we would like to acknowledge that there are some very respectful teams in the AL that get lumped into all this trash talk because of a few bad apples, and to those teams, I apologize... on behalf of your fellow league mates. One of the main reasons for our doubts is that it didn't take GM Ryan Poteracki long to turn his newest recruit, one of the purist Jedi, to the dark side. Luke couldn’t even make it through a press conference without bashing the NL and saying how the AL is the “elite league” and how they are so much better than us.
Now I know the second season is still fresh, we just believe you all may still be riding high on TEAM’s victory from last year. While the AL might boast and argue that the "best teams" are in the American League, they do only get to send one team to the finals, and we cherish the opportunity to send our best against your best this spring to try and take that title from you.
Thank you all for coming. May the force be with you. May God bless America. And always, ALWAYS - NL for Life."
With those closing comments, the National League filed off stage together accepting no questions from the crowd.
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
"Heroes Without Homes" Fundraising Event
"Pop Superstar" Hannah Montana and President Barack Obama's "Best of Both World's" Touring Battalion of Commandos' are holding their first fundraising event for their "Heroes Without Homes" charity organization. The "Heroes Without Homes" organization has been created to help those heroes who have been left undrafted or as some call them, "Unwanted", find a place in this world.
It was unsure to everyone at first where these supposed "unwanted" heroes were going to go when the league began just over a year ago, but as Commandos head coach and leader Barack Obama puts it, "It is the ugly problem that everyone of us as turned a deaf ear too since we started all of this". That does not seem to be the case anymore for Obama though, as he and several other of his Commandos have vowed to do everything in their power to fix this "Grave Injustice". Several members of the Commandos have dedicated their time and effort to raise money to create housing and jobs for these unfortunate victims of circumstance.
"Maybe it's that some teams are just not willing to make room for new members", fellow Commando Angelina Jolie said, "I mean, I know that even though our roster is supposedly full, we still have plenty of room in our house. I am starting a petition to increase the roster size on every team from 270 to 350." This seems like a steep measure that the Academy Award winning actress is asking for but as her partner Brad Pitt says, "The more the merrier in my opinion" the Benjamin Button star stated, "In my house, there is always room for one more".
Hannah Montana is also part of the organization and this weekend is showing her support for the cause by appearing in person at the group's first fundraising event. Ms. Montana along with several un-named members of the Commandos are going to be at Merri Bowl lanes in Livonia, MI this Saturday, February 28th to raise funds and awareness for the cause. "I just think it's so sad to have people, animals or what ever they are just living out on the streets. Y'all just don't know how good you have it until you see how bad it is out there for some of those folks", a passionate Hannah Montana said. "I urge everyone out there with the means to do so to help us out this weekend, we are going to need as much as we can get".
It is unclear whether or not more teams will support Ms. Jolie's petition or "Heroes Without Homes", but it is apparent that the Commandos and their organization are here to stay. For more information about the event or about the organization please go to the website, www.heroeswithouthomes.blogspot.com. "We are just trying to help out anyway that we can", stated Mr. Obama who left me by saying, "Remember, just because you are not super, does not mean you can't be a hero". With that he was off, to continue the work that he and his Commandos are hoping will not fall on deaf ears as well.
Fantasy Fantasy Press Reporting
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Week 2: Deathmatch
Setting: Valverdi
Points: 200
Prize: Ferrari
-Built Ford Tough Vs. Beckerman's Backyardigans: Beeyatches (for a GTO)
-The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets Vs. Pop-Superstar Hannah Montana & President Barack Obama's "Best of Both" Worlds Touring Battalion of Commandos (for a 456 GT)
-The Untouchables Vs. Brock Samspon's Fighting Murderflies (for a F-50)
-Better Than All of You Vs. The Right Wing (for a 328)
-Team Sleeping Pussy Vs. Alice's Wonder Team (for a 456 GTA)
-The Horsemen of Apokolips Vs. TEAM (for a 360 Modena (and the little brown laser))
-The Abomitrons Vs. Michael Vick's Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve (for a Testarossa)
-The Syracuse Valley Vs. The Legion of Doom (for a 308)
-George Washington's Slaves Vs. Le' Napoleon Brigade (for a F-40)
Points: 200
Prize: Ferrari
-Built Ford Tough Vs. Beckerman's Backyardigans: Beeyatches (for a GTO)
-The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets Vs. Pop-Superstar Hannah Montana & President Barack Obama's "Best of Both" Worlds Touring Battalion of Commandos (for a 456 GT)
-The Untouchables Vs. Brock Samspon's Fighting Murderflies (for a F-50)
-Better Than All of You Vs. The Right Wing (for a 328)
-Team Sleeping Pussy Vs. Alice's Wonder Team (for a 456 GTA)
-The Horsemen of Apokolips Vs. TEAM (for a 360 Modena (and the little brown laser))
-The Abomitrons Vs. Michael Vick's Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve (for a Testarossa)
-The Syracuse Valley Vs. The Legion of Doom (for a 308)
-George Washington's Slaves Vs. Le' Napoleon Brigade (for a F-40)
Michael Vick's Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve Vs. TEAM
Michael Vick's Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve are Anakin Skywalker & Ahsoka Tano, Kid Deadpool, & Charlie Brown.
TEAM is Set & Jace.
For those of us that were sorely disappointed by the fact that Ford Field was to be a dome without a retractable roof; we can now rest easy. Because once Set was placed inside of Ford Field it took only a matter of seconds for the 7 headed serpent to turn it into an open air stadium that is so exposed to the weather that it makes Lambo Field look like a hermetically sealed box. Anakin looks up at the building sized competitor he will be facing in his first ever FFL match and says “I’ve got a bad feeling about this”. He then adds after he looks over at his team for the week “What am I a general or baby-sitter, come on snips lets go, and bring your playmates”. They duck into an alley where Anakin patiently lets the force tell him what there best course of action will be against the behemoth that they are being forced to fight when Ahsoka points out to her master the dorky looking guy buzzing around on a jet pack. “I guess I should go take care of him first” General Skywalker says to his team, but Kid Deadpool says “General, let me take care of him while you guys begin the attack on Set”. “Master we’re going to have to learn to trust our new team, if we are going to be successful” says Ahsoka. “Alright, have it your way Snips. “Hey Kid Deadpool, be careful out there and umm take Chuck with you”. “I won’t let you down sir” Kid Deadpool says as he races off toward an unsuspecting Jace eager to make a name for himself in the FFL. Kid Deadpool puts on his night vision goggles (even though it is broad daylight). He then begins to sneak up on Jace with Charlie Brown following close behind, but Jace sees them coming and valiantly flies in toward his attackers. A very uneventful fight ensues which ends with Kid Deadpool stabbing Jace in the chest. The Pool Boy then turns to Chaz Brown and in true Deadpool form says “Man, and I thought that guy was useless when Space Ghost was around”. Charlie Brown then stares at him blankly and says “Good Grief”. Meanwhile Anakin & Ahsoka are climbing up the rafters of Ford Field trying to find a way to attack Set (excuse me they are simply finding a way to attack Set, Jedi don’t try they do). Anakin leaps right into the center of the giant Serpent and runs straight up one of his 7 extensions. When he reaches the top he sticks his lightsaber underneath the mouth of Set and then slowly pulls the lightsaber thru the thick skin of the beast until he successfully cuts off one of Set’s heads. Set lets out a horrific noise from his remaining 6 heads which shatters every window in Comerica Park and sends chills down the spines of everyone around while Ahsoka regroups with Kid Deadpool and Charlie Brown at the top of Ford Field, where they are going to attempt to follow Anakin’s lead in removing Set’s heads 1 by 1. Despite the creature’s insane flailing from side to side Anakin makes an amazing force leap from Set’s stump to the next nearest head that even many of the most skilled Jedi Masters in the galaxy could not make. Ahsoka and friends are about to make a move onto the nearby head when Set crashes down on the platform they are standing on. Ahsoka not only jumps out of the way but also manages to force push Charlie and Kid Deadpool into safety as well but she loses her lightsaber in the process. As Ahsoka jumps onto the nearby head with ease Charlie Brown picks up the padawan’s lightsaber. Kid Deadpool follows Ahsoka’s lead and barely makes the jumps onto the back of Set’s head. Charlie Brown with his amazing athleticism tries it next but does not even come close to hitting the target. But in a valiant and unselfish move Charlie Brown does throw the lightsaber back to Ahsoka before he plummets to his doom. Ahsoka in an attempt to emulate her master’s move sticks her lightsaber into Set and begins cutting. Kid Deadpool pulls out his katana to help with the process but as the scourge of Atlantis begins flailing Deadpool’s former sidekick is unable to hold on and he is sent flying off into the distance. Anakin has already removed another head and made his way onto a 3rd one when he sees Ahsoka flung from the head she was attacking back onto the platform she was on before. Anakin feels a disturbance in the force which alerts him to the fact that this match is not going as well as he would like but before Set’s damaged head can attack Ahsoka; Anakin rips off the half cut head with a fierce force push. Anakin can see that his padawan is not yet as capable of these ridiculous deeds which is why he yells to her that she needs to get to safety and that if he doesn’t succeed in removing these heads that she needs to retreat. “But master, Jedi never run from a fight” Ahsoka screams back to her master. Anakin replies with “Fine than when you become a Jedi you can practice that, but until then a padawan’s job is to listen to her master”. Anakin realizes that this huge monster is getting wise to his course of action but he can foresee no other way to accomplish his goal. The Jedi Knight then once again sticks his lightsaber into the head he is standing on while he thinks to himself that if he can just kill this head than he is more than half way to his goal of killing all 7 but Set in an act of instinct rather than intelligence lunges his other 3 heads at Anakin ripping apart its own 4th head but swallowing Anakin whole as well. “Nooooooooo” Ahsoka yells; but despite her reluctance she force leaps back down onto the street and like any good padawan obeys her master as she retreats from the fight with Jedi speed.
TEAM IS VICTORIOUS!
TEAM is Set & Jace.
For those of us that were sorely disappointed by the fact that Ford Field was to be a dome without a retractable roof; we can now rest easy. Because once Set was placed inside of Ford Field it took only a matter of seconds for the 7 headed serpent to turn it into an open air stadium that is so exposed to the weather that it makes Lambo Field look like a hermetically sealed box. Anakin looks up at the building sized competitor he will be facing in his first ever FFL match and says “I’ve got a bad feeling about this”. He then adds after he looks over at his team for the week “What am I a general or baby-sitter, come on snips lets go, and bring your playmates”. They duck into an alley where Anakin patiently lets the force tell him what there best course of action will be against the behemoth that they are being forced to fight when Ahsoka points out to her master the dorky looking guy buzzing around on a jet pack. “I guess I should go take care of him first” General Skywalker says to his team, but Kid Deadpool says “General, let me take care of him while you guys begin the attack on Set”. “Master we’re going to have to learn to trust our new team, if we are going to be successful” says Ahsoka. “Alright, have it your way Snips. “Hey Kid Deadpool, be careful out there and umm take Chuck with you”. “I won’t let you down sir” Kid Deadpool says as he races off toward an unsuspecting Jace eager to make a name for himself in the FFL. Kid Deadpool puts on his night vision goggles (even though it is broad daylight). He then begins to sneak up on Jace with Charlie Brown following close behind, but Jace sees them coming and valiantly flies in toward his attackers. A very uneventful fight ensues which ends with Kid Deadpool stabbing Jace in the chest. The Pool Boy then turns to Chaz Brown and in true Deadpool form says “Man, and I thought that guy was useless when Space Ghost was around”. Charlie Brown then stares at him blankly and says “Good Grief”. Meanwhile Anakin & Ahsoka are climbing up the rafters of Ford Field trying to find a way to attack Set (excuse me they are simply finding a way to attack Set, Jedi don’t try they do). Anakin leaps right into the center of the giant Serpent and runs straight up one of his 7 extensions. When he reaches the top he sticks his lightsaber underneath the mouth of Set and then slowly pulls the lightsaber thru the thick skin of the beast until he successfully cuts off one of Set’s heads. Set lets out a horrific noise from his remaining 6 heads which shatters every window in Comerica Park and sends chills down the spines of everyone around while Ahsoka regroups with Kid Deadpool and Charlie Brown at the top of Ford Field, where they are going to attempt to follow Anakin’s lead in removing Set’s heads 1 by 1. Despite the creature’s insane flailing from side to side Anakin makes an amazing force leap from Set’s stump to the next nearest head that even many of the most skilled Jedi Masters in the galaxy could not make. Ahsoka and friends are about to make a move onto the nearby head when Set crashes down on the platform they are standing on. Ahsoka not only jumps out of the way but also manages to force push Charlie and Kid Deadpool into safety as well but she loses her lightsaber in the process. As Ahsoka jumps onto the nearby head with ease Charlie Brown picks up the padawan’s lightsaber. Kid Deadpool follows Ahsoka’s lead and barely makes the jumps onto the back of Set’s head. Charlie Brown with his amazing athleticism tries it next but does not even come close to hitting the target. But in a valiant and unselfish move Charlie Brown does throw the lightsaber back to Ahsoka before he plummets to his doom. Ahsoka in an attempt to emulate her master’s move sticks her lightsaber into Set and begins cutting. Kid Deadpool pulls out his katana to help with the process but as the scourge of Atlantis begins flailing Deadpool’s former sidekick is unable to hold on and he is sent flying off into the distance. Anakin has already removed another head and made his way onto a 3rd one when he sees Ahsoka flung from the head she was attacking back onto the platform she was on before. Anakin feels a disturbance in the force which alerts him to the fact that this match is not going as well as he would like but before Set’s damaged head can attack Ahsoka; Anakin rips off the half cut head with a fierce force push. Anakin can see that his padawan is not yet as capable of these ridiculous deeds which is why he yells to her that she needs to get to safety and that if he doesn’t succeed in removing these heads that she needs to retreat. “But master, Jedi never run from a fight” Ahsoka screams back to her master. Anakin replies with “Fine than when you become a Jedi you can practice that, but until then a padawan’s job is to listen to her master”. Anakin realizes that this huge monster is getting wise to his course of action but he can foresee no other way to accomplish his goal. The Jedi Knight then once again sticks his lightsaber into the head he is standing on while he thinks to himself that if he can just kill this head than he is more than half way to his goal of killing all 7 but Set in an act of instinct rather than intelligence lunges his other 3 heads at Anakin ripping apart its own 4th head but swallowing Anakin whole as well. “Nooooooooo” Ahsoka yells; but despite her reluctance she force leaps back down onto the street and like any good padawan obeys her master as she retreats from the fight with Jedi speed.
TEAM IS VICTORIOUS!
Monday, February 23, 2009
PRESS CONFERENCE:
Horsemen of Apokolips members Supergirl and Grand Jedi Master Luke Skywalker have called this press conference today. Reigning Regular Season M.V.P. Supergirl enters first, followed closely behind by the 2009 Number One overall Draft Pick, Luke Skywalker.
"Thank you all for hearing us today," begins Supergirl. "This is a call to arms to the entire American League. We here in the Horsemen locker room are sick and tired off this constant badmouthing coming from the National League teams. All we hear day in and day out is "N.L. Love" "What do you expect from the A.L. No love for their fellow teams" Well I say ENOUGH!”
Luke Skywalker steps to the microphone to add to Supergirl’s comments. “I’ve only been in this league but for a short time, but those who know me would agree that I would never agree to join a team let alone a league that does not strive on respect. The American League is the elite league. Don’t get me wrong; the National League is stacked with amazing teams. But the A.L. is the cream of the crop. The teams in the A.L. have had their differences in the past, but we here in the Horsemen locker room are calling them out to join together and show the National League that not only were they wrong say the things they did but they will regret ever doing so.”
Supergirl then jumps back up to the microphone to add, “I don’t care who you are, Megatron, General Zod, Captain America, Brandon Inge, everyone! This is the time to show the National League just what we’re made of! Thank you.”
Sunday, February 22, 2009
The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets vs Built Ford Tough
The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets are Superboy (Conner Kent), Gwildor, Raichu, Skimmell in an Exo-Suit, and Toad with a Go-Kart.
Buit Ford Tough is USAgent, Failed Jedi #1, and Grapple.
Buit Ford Tough is USAgent, Failed Jedi #1, and Grapple.
In their first ever Regular Season match, the Brotherhood of Evil Midgets teleport to Detroit. Or at least that’s what they thought. “Gwildor! This isn’t Detroit. It’s Windsor! Look, there’s Cheetah’s (meow) right there. We’re in Canada!” shouts an irritated Superboy. “I’ve had to sit by and watch both Superman and Supergirl dominate this league for an entire year, and I’ll be damned if some Thenurian with a faulty Cosmic Key is going to keep me out of action any longer!” “Whoa, dude. Don’t you think you’re being a little harsh on him? I mean Detroit’s right across the river,” asks Skimmell. “Ehh, you’re right Skim. Sorry Gwildor, I’m just a little anxious,” replies Superboy. “Oh no harm, no harm. Just hit an extra key that’s all. Nothing to worry about,” says Gwildor. Superboy then grabs Gwildor and Raichu and flies across the river to Hart Plaza. Toad jumps into his Go-Kart and Skimmell transforms this Exo-Suit and they head to the Ambassador Bridge to get across the Detroit River. Shortly after Superboy lands with Gwildor and Raichu in tow, USAgent and Grapple show up to Hart Plaza. “Grapple, have you seen Jerry yet?” asks USAgent. “Nope not yet,” replies Grapple. Superboy spots their opponents and doesn’t waste any more time. He flies in and dropkicks Grapple into the Dodge Fountain, which causes it to rupture and spray water all over Grapple. Raichu then fires a massive arc of electricity that completely fries the Autobot’s internal circuitry, extinguishing his spark. USAgent launches his shield at Gwildor, who narrowly escapes it, but it ricochets off of the Hart Plaza stage and comes right back to decapitate Gwildor. USAgent snags the shield out of the air and spin kicks Conner Kent in the mouth. Superboy fires his heat vision at USAgent, but he blocks it with his shield. Jerry, Failed Jedi #1, finally shows up to the fight. “Oh we started already??” asks a surprised Jerry. USAgent is too busy fending off Superboy to even respond to such a ridiculous comment. Just then, Skimmell and Toad come peeling in and try to take out Jerry. Even though he didn’t pass the trials, the Force still flows through Jerry and he senses this attack. He does a back flip over them and uses his training lightsaber to damage the engine on Toad’s Go-Kart. Toad goes spinning out of control and smashes into a light post, popping all three of his balloons, thus killing him on impact. Raichu tries to light up Jerry with his electricity, but the Failed Jedi blocks it with his small lightsaber. However, this distraction does allow Skimmell to transform his Exo-Suit and blast Jerry in the back, knocking the Failed Jedi down. Superboy grabs USAgent and launches him up onto the stage. He then looks over at Skimmell. “Dude, Skimmell, where have you been??” “Oh sorry, we got stuck in customs at the border,” responds the clone of Tim Cheveldae and Alan Trammell, only with 10% less fat. USAgent then launches his shield at Superboy, who snaps around and catches it in mid air. Conner then uses his super strength to bend the shield in half. Superboy then flies over to USAgent and shoves the halved shield right into his chest. Jerry sees this and feels it’s best to head back to the locker room.
THE BROTHERHOOD OF EVIL MIDGETS ARE VICTORIOUS!
Better Than All of You Vs. Brock Sampson's Fighting Murderflies
Brock Sampson’s Fighting Murderflies are Jay & Silent Bob w/ Suzanne, Ted Nugent, Hellboy, Speedy Gonzalez, Sarah Palin, & Ron Popeil.
Better Than All of You is Green Lantern & RV-D1 in an X-Wing, & Sagat.
*NOTE* (To make this match even somewhat enjoyable to read, it is an absolute must that while reading The Murderflies dialogue you do you best to mentally imitate each individuals voice). Thank You -The Watcher.
Sagat is by himself sitting in American Coney Island enjoying a Greek salad and a glass of water & waiting patiently for the battle to begin while the entire Murderfly clan is right next door at Lafayette Coney Island getting to know one another on a more personal level. “Hey Silent Bob pass the mustard, and don’t spray it all into your mouth on the way over here ya fat a**, and what you starin at me for Suzanne, you think just cause you’re a monkey you can stare at people all day, have a coney and shut the F*&$ up, if your gonna stare at somebody stare at the huge red dude across from us”. “Watch your mouth skinny or I’ll shove this beer can into it” Hellboy says as he crushes his can of Labatts and gestures to the cook to bring him another one. Jay replies with “Sorry sirs were just staring at you cause you remind us of being back home in Jersey” (Silent Bob nods). “And not just cause of the hockey team, but you kind of look like Silent Bob’s mom….. BONG”! Governor Palin chimes in with “This is so fun, this reminds me of the diners we hang out in back home in Alaska. After fishing we…” Uncle Ted interrupts with “Sorry to interrupt the most electable person since a clone of Abraham Lincoln ran along side Teddy Roosevelt but has anyone ever seen a more hellacious coney eater than me. I am like the natural casing king ready to devour any Coney that comes my way. It is damn good that every person in this city knows that when the motor city mad man comes back to town you get the coney grills fired up because I am gonna eat em up before the libs can take them away from us. The only thing that would make these coneys taste better is if I had been the one that God hand selected to have kill this animal so it could be served up to the greatest individual amongst the greatest species of creature on the greatest planet in the greatest Universe that God created. I don’t even know how many of these puppies I’ve inhaled yet but if these 4 empty plates in front of me aren’t proof that God loves me more than anybody else than I don’t know what is”. Ron Popeil is about to make a funny comment about how Suzanne is chasing Speedy around the table in a restaurant that says no pets allowed on the door when he sees an opportunity for a sale. “Hey Ted do you want to purchase one of my reusable magic napkins, they are good for about 150 uses, they are easy to store and much greener than using paper napkins, you can have one now for only”… Ted interrupts once again by saying “green, don’t preach green to me pal, I was being green way before the libs made it cool, in fact I’ve been green so long that I’m turning back to copper. I became green so long ago that they didn’t call it green yet because they hadn’t invented the color spectrum”. “Hells Yeah” Jay interjects just simply because he is so impressed at a person who can go on talking about something useless even longer than he can. He begins to finish off Deadly Tedly’s rant with “Yeah b*&^ches he doesn’t just have a green thumb he’s got a 12 inch long green” ……. Just then the door of Lafayette Coney Island swings open and a ripped, shirtless, 7 ft. tall Thailander by the name of Sagat walks in. “Are we going to start this fight or am I supposed to wait for that food to clog your arteries and kill you before I get the chance”. “Who’s Capt. Laughs” Speedy Gonzalez says in 1 second flat. “That’s Sagat, Haven’t you losers ever played Street Fighter” Jay says while Silent Bob nods yes and points at him. “He actually doesn’t appear until Street Fighter II, and isn’t a playable character until Street Fighter II Turbo” Sarah Palin adds. “How the s**t does that hot chick know Street Fighter. Palin replies with “It was in my neighborhood Laundry mat back home in Alaska, Ya’ know I’m just a regular Joe like everybody else”. Hellboy breaks up the conversation and says “Well while you guys discuss this I’ll step outside and take care of ugly”. Hellboy and Sagat then go crashing out the front window pounding on one another. “Hellboy is right, we should get outside and join the fight”. Uncle Ted says. (Minutes later) ……. The Nuge screams “Everybody take cover”! As a green coated X-Wing comes swooping in low between the buildings on a strafing run. “We’ll handle this” Jay yells defiantly as he and Silent Bob ignite their Blunt Sabers and rush into the fray followed by Suzanne. They stand firm but it does little good as Hal Jordan mows them down with a flurry of Photon Torpedoes from his X-Wing. Sagat hits Hellboy with a couple nasty drop kicks but Hellboy manages a good jump/duck combo to get out of the way of Sagat’s flying parenthesis (or whatever those things are that he shoots when you hit down, toward, high punch; and then down, toward, low kick). Hellboy then pulls out his gun and blasts Sagat right in his scarred up chest to finish what Ryu started and kill off The Street Fighter. Hellboy then races to the top of Greek Town Casino with a series of impressive jumps and then crazily jumps out toward the flying X-Wing in an attempt to land on top of the flying ship as Jordan whipped around slowly to do his next strafing run. But when he does Green Lantern banks the ship hard to the left out of the way and then pops out of the cockpit leaving RV-D1 to fly the ship in its current course. While out of the ship Green Lantern flies toward the free-falling Hellboy and sends a huge green hand to first punch him, then grab a hold of him then launch him into the air, where he is then disintegrated by a powerful burst of green energy. By the time he is hit by this attack Hal Jordan is already on his way back to the ship where RV opens up the cockpit for him to jump right back inside. Ted Nugent and Sarah Palin grab their rifles and take cover behind a fallen bill board to lend some cover fire for Ron Popeil. Ron Popeil and his assistant for the day Speedy Gonzalez wheel out his newest invention The Ronco building launcher which he built especially for this city match. Ron just simply sticks the flattened metal end (weighing only 40 pounds) and sticks it under any weak spot under any building’s foundation. With a simple flick of a switch The Ronco Building Launcher *(Patent Pending) easily throws the building (which it is guaranteed to do with any 30 story or less building) directly at the desired target (it’s O.K. to clap now) in this case being the attacking X-Wing. The machine works perfect on its very first time, but unfortunately the building is simply destroyed when it hits the protective green energy field that Green Lantern has put around his X-Wing. Ted Nugent turns to Sarah Palin and simply says “crap” as Hal Jordan’s X-Wing blows up their entire hiding spot (bill board and all). Ron Popeil looks around for his buddy Speedy as he pulls out his flexible collapsible portable and storable jet skateboard from his backpack in order to escape the battle but he then notices that Speedy is already about 20 feet ahead of him; on the way home.
BETTER THAN ALL OF YOU ARE VICTORIOUS!
Better Than All of You is Green Lantern & RV-D1 in an X-Wing, & Sagat.
*NOTE* (To make this match even somewhat enjoyable to read, it is an absolute must that while reading The Murderflies dialogue you do you best to mentally imitate each individuals voice). Thank You -The Watcher.
Sagat is by himself sitting in American Coney Island enjoying a Greek salad and a glass of water & waiting patiently for the battle to begin while the entire Murderfly clan is right next door at Lafayette Coney Island getting to know one another on a more personal level. “Hey Silent Bob pass the mustard, and don’t spray it all into your mouth on the way over here ya fat a**, and what you starin at me for Suzanne, you think just cause you’re a monkey you can stare at people all day, have a coney and shut the F*&$ up, if your gonna stare at somebody stare at the huge red dude across from us”. “Watch your mouth skinny or I’ll shove this beer can into it” Hellboy says as he crushes his can of Labatts and gestures to the cook to bring him another one. Jay replies with “Sorry sirs were just staring at you cause you remind us of being back home in Jersey” (Silent Bob nods). “And not just cause of the hockey team, but you kind of look like Silent Bob’s mom….. BONG”! Governor Palin chimes in with “This is so fun, this reminds me of the diners we hang out in back home in Alaska. After fishing we…” Uncle Ted interrupts with “Sorry to interrupt the most electable person since a clone of Abraham Lincoln ran along side Teddy Roosevelt but has anyone ever seen a more hellacious coney eater than me. I am like the natural casing king ready to devour any Coney that comes my way. It is damn good that every person in this city knows that when the motor city mad man comes back to town you get the coney grills fired up because I am gonna eat em up before the libs can take them away from us. The only thing that would make these coneys taste better is if I had been the one that God hand selected to have kill this animal so it could be served up to the greatest individual amongst the greatest species of creature on the greatest planet in the greatest Universe that God created. I don’t even know how many of these puppies I’ve inhaled yet but if these 4 empty plates in front of me aren’t proof that God loves me more than anybody else than I don’t know what is”. Ron Popeil is about to make a funny comment about how Suzanne is chasing Speedy around the table in a restaurant that says no pets allowed on the door when he sees an opportunity for a sale. “Hey Ted do you want to purchase one of my reusable magic napkins, they are good for about 150 uses, they are easy to store and much greener than using paper napkins, you can have one now for only”… Ted interrupts once again by saying “green, don’t preach green to me pal, I was being green way before the libs made it cool, in fact I’ve been green so long that I’m turning back to copper. I became green so long ago that they didn’t call it green yet because they hadn’t invented the color spectrum”. “Hells Yeah” Jay interjects just simply because he is so impressed at a person who can go on talking about something useless even longer than he can. He begins to finish off Deadly Tedly’s rant with “Yeah b*&^ches he doesn’t just have a green thumb he’s got a 12 inch long green” ……. Just then the door of Lafayette Coney Island swings open and a ripped, shirtless, 7 ft. tall Thailander by the name of Sagat walks in. “Are we going to start this fight or am I supposed to wait for that food to clog your arteries and kill you before I get the chance”. “Who’s Capt. Laughs” Speedy Gonzalez says in 1 second flat. “That’s Sagat, Haven’t you losers ever played Street Fighter” Jay says while Silent Bob nods yes and points at him. “He actually doesn’t appear until Street Fighter II, and isn’t a playable character until Street Fighter II Turbo” Sarah Palin adds. “How the s**t does that hot chick know Street Fighter. Palin replies with “It was in my neighborhood Laundry mat back home in Alaska, Ya’ know I’m just a regular Joe like everybody else”. Hellboy breaks up the conversation and says “Well while you guys discuss this I’ll step outside and take care of ugly”. Hellboy and Sagat then go crashing out the front window pounding on one another. “Hellboy is right, we should get outside and join the fight”. Uncle Ted says. (Minutes later) ……. The Nuge screams “Everybody take cover”! As a green coated X-Wing comes swooping in low between the buildings on a strafing run. “We’ll handle this” Jay yells defiantly as he and Silent Bob ignite their Blunt Sabers and rush into the fray followed by Suzanne. They stand firm but it does little good as Hal Jordan mows them down with a flurry of Photon Torpedoes from his X-Wing. Sagat hits Hellboy with a couple nasty drop kicks but Hellboy manages a good jump/duck combo to get out of the way of Sagat’s flying parenthesis (or whatever those things are that he shoots when you hit down, toward, high punch; and then down, toward, low kick). Hellboy then pulls out his gun and blasts Sagat right in his scarred up chest to finish what Ryu started and kill off The Street Fighter. Hellboy then races to the top of Greek Town Casino with a series of impressive jumps and then crazily jumps out toward the flying X-Wing in an attempt to land on top of the flying ship as Jordan whipped around slowly to do his next strafing run. But when he does Green Lantern banks the ship hard to the left out of the way and then pops out of the cockpit leaving RV-D1 to fly the ship in its current course. While out of the ship Green Lantern flies toward the free-falling Hellboy and sends a huge green hand to first punch him, then grab a hold of him then launch him into the air, where he is then disintegrated by a powerful burst of green energy. By the time he is hit by this attack Hal Jordan is already on his way back to the ship where RV opens up the cockpit for him to jump right back inside. Ted Nugent and Sarah Palin grab their rifles and take cover behind a fallen bill board to lend some cover fire for Ron Popeil. Ron Popeil and his assistant for the day Speedy Gonzalez wheel out his newest invention The Ronco building launcher which he built especially for this city match. Ron just simply sticks the flattened metal end (weighing only 40 pounds) and sticks it under any weak spot under any building’s foundation. With a simple flick of a switch The Ronco Building Launcher *(Patent Pending) easily throws the building (which it is guaranteed to do with any 30 story or less building) directly at the desired target (it’s O.K. to clap now) in this case being the attacking X-Wing. The machine works perfect on its very first time, but unfortunately the building is simply destroyed when it hits the protective green energy field that Green Lantern has put around his X-Wing. Ted Nugent turns to Sarah Palin and simply says “crap” as Hal Jordan’s X-Wing blows up their entire hiding spot (bill board and all). Ron Popeil looks around for his buddy Speedy as he pulls out his flexible collapsible portable and storable jet skateboard from his backpack in order to escape the battle but he then notices that Speedy is already about 20 feet ahead of him; on the way home.
BETTER THAN ALL OF YOU ARE VICTORIOUS!
POP-SUPERSTAR HANNAH MONTANA & PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA’S “BEST OF BOTH WORLDS” TOURING BATTALION OF COMMANDOS VS. THE RIGHT WING
I have been appointed by my brethren Joshatu and Ryatu to watch the following Year 2, Week 1 Match: Pop-Superstar Hannah Montana & President Barack Obama's "Best of Both Worlds" Touring Battalion of Commandos vs. The Right Wing.
Before the match, I shall enter the MGM Casino, now known as the locker room for the Commandos. The Commandos are Dave Bowman - The Starchild and Steven Hiller in an F-22 Fighter Jet.
Steven Hiller: Ready to rock and roll this match, Davey. My fighter’s on top of the casino so I’ll meet you out there.
Bowman: Yes, you will.
I then enter the Motor City Casino, now known as the locker room for the Right Wing. The Right Wing is The Pantheon: Incredible Hulk, Agamemnon, Achilles, Ajax, Andromeda, Atlanta, Cassiopeia, Delphi, Hector, Jason, Paris, Perseus, Prometheus, Ulysses I, Ulysses II and Elite Storm Trooper #1
Agamemnon: My friends. . . Let us listen to Delphi and Andromeda.
Delphi: I see that the surroundings we are about to be transported to will allow us to utilize all of our skills.
Andromeda: We shall band together, as we have in the past and valiantly fight today.
I transport the combatants to the Greektown neighborhood.
Members of the Right Wing rush to their positions on top of the various cafés, taverns and restaurants with their respective weapons, waiting for the Commandos to show themselves. Atlanta has his energy bow drawn. Perseus grips his energy spear. Hector has his energy flail in hand. Jason has weapons in each hand. Both Ulysses I and Ulysses II have their swords and shields drawn, ready to pounce on the first Commando to show himself. Finally, Elite Stormtrooper #1 has his laser rifle drawn.
Andromeda, Delphi and Paris are instructed by Agamemnon to gather into the Laikon Café. The three will use their “second senses” to assist their teammates in the upcoming battle.
Dave Bowman slowly walks down one of the main Greektown streets. He has not yet been noticed by the Right Wing, but he senses the various members’ locations and smiles. Bowman uses his “star powers” to communicate with Steve Hiller’s F-22. The combatants look to the sky and see the fighter scream across the sky.
Hiller: Okay guys, let’s give you my rendition of flaming cheese! [Hiller releases a rocket from his jet that explodes into the Laikon Café]. Opa!!!!
Andromeda, Delphi and Paris are blown to bits as the rocket leaves the Café a burnt husk. Hiller flies the jet back to the area after his first pass and his equipment allows him to see his teammate Bowman on the verge of being ambushed by Atlanta, Perseus, Hector, Jason, Ulysses I, Ulysses II and Elite Stormtrooper #1.
Hiller: Can’t have you stand on your own Bowman! Poppy’s gonna bring you a tossed Greek salad of Pantheon parts.
Hiller’s jet launches a full air strike, knowing that Bowman will survive the event. The buildings that the Pantheon teammates are on explode are instantly incinerated. Brick, mortar and steel spray throughout the entire battlefield. There is nothing left of all who were on the buildings. Atlanta, Perseus, Hector, Jason, Ulysses I, Ulysses II and Elite Stormtrooper #1 are dead.
Seeing their comrades fall so early on, Agamemnon, Ajax, Achilles, Hulk and Prometheus regroup in the Cyprus Taverna.
Agamemnon: He is but a man in a plane! Most of us are on the verge of being immortals! We kill him and we kill him now! Then, we destroy Bowman!
The remaining Right Wing combatants take to the streets, with their focus on Hiller. They scatter to different locations, but near enough that they can converge upon the unsuspecting Hiller. Hiller is in his cockpit and switches to infrared to see his enemies. He notices two signatures and lowers the plane to ground level. He wants to have a chance to use his guns too (killing things with bombs and rockets does the job, but not necessarily as fun). He only sees Agamemnon and Cassiopeia.
Hiller: Beauty and the Beast. How fitting to destroy you at the same time.
Just as Hiller is about to spray his guns, Ajax and Hulk land on the wings of the plane and begin to rip the wings’ plates off. Hiller attempts to rectify the situation by rocking the fighter back and forth, but is unable to knock the two off. Hiller then attempts to raise the plane. It is too late. The damage is done and his plane crashes the final few feet to the ground. Although the distance is not that far, Hiller is still jarred.
Hiller jumps out of the cockpit. He sees Bowman walking toward the situation and knows that if he can get to Bowman he will be safe. He does not make it. Achilles manages to catch Hiller first. He carries Hiller to Agamemnon.
Agamemnon: I destroy civilizations for fun to pass time and you, a mere human in his toy, manages to take out most of our team. . . a senseless pity.
Hiller: Why don’t you put me down and we’ll see how many others I can take out.
Agamemnon: I don’t think so. [He snaps Hiller’s neck like a twig].
Bowman is now only a couple hundred feet away from the remaining Pantheon members. The Pantheon stand their ground and are ready to fight. Cassiopeia uses her energies and strikes Bowman from the front. The energy dissipates near Bowman without explanation. Hulk and Ajax then take action and rush at Bowman from either side.
Hulk: Hulk smash!!!!
Ajax: You killed Atlanta!!!
As they reach out to pulverize Bowman, Bowman transforms into a “ghostlike” entity. Not able to stop, Hulk and Ajax hit each other with such force, the two knock themselves silly. Bowman then disappears.
Prometheus: My tracking sense shows that Bowman is. . . there! [He points to a newly formed Bowman].
Bowman looks at his enemies and tilts his head in recognition of what he must do. Hulk and Ajax begin to gain their senses. Achilles, Cassiopeia and Agamemnon form a battle line. Hulk and Ajax join them. They will strike Bowman with everything they have. The next thing they know Bowman warps reality and transports the remaining Pantheon members to a location yet to be determined. Although Hulk, Ajax, Achilles, Cassiopeia and Agamemnon survived the match, they lose the battle.
Agamemnon [looks at his surroundings and screams]: BOWMAN!!!!!!!!
Bowman wanders back to the MGM Casino. Although food is something from the past he will still enjoy Wolfgang Puck cooking his signature dishes.
POP-SUPERSTAR HANNAH MONTANA & PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA’S “BEST OF BOTH WORLDS” TOURING BATTALION OF COMMANDOS IS VICTORIOUS!!!
I have been appointed by my brethren Joshatu and Ryatu to watch the following Year 2, Week 1 Match: Pop-Superstar Hannah Montana & President Barack Obama's "Best of Both Worlds" Touring Battalion of Commandos vs. The Right Wing.
Before the match, I shall enter the MGM Casino, now known as the locker room for the Commandos. The Commandos are Dave Bowman - The Starchild and Steven Hiller in an F-22 Fighter Jet.
Steven Hiller: Ready to rock and roll this match, Davey. My fighter’s on top of the casino so I’ll meet you out there.
Bowman: Yes, you will.
I then enter the Motor City Casino, now known as the locker room for the Right Wing. The Right Wing is The Pantheon: Incredible Hulk, Agamemnon, Achilles, Ajax, Andromeda, Atlanta, Cassiopeia, Delphi, Hector, Jason, Paris, Perseus, Prometheus, Ulysses I, Ulysses II and Elite Storm Trooper #1
Agamemnon: My friends. . . Let us listen to Delphi and Andromeda.
Delphi: I see that the surroundings we are about to be transported to will allow us to utilize all of our skills.
Andromeda: We shall band together, as we have in the past and valiantly fight today.
I transport the combatants to the Greektown neighborhood.
Members of the Right Wing rush to their positions on top of the various cafés, taverns and restaurants with their respective weapons, waiting for the Commandos to show themselves. Atlanta has his energy bow drawn. Perseus grips his energy spear. Hector has his energy flail in hand. Jason has weapons in each hand. Both Ulysses I and Ulysses II have their swords and shields drawn, ready to pounce on the first Commando to show himself. Finally, Elite Stormtrooper #1 has his laser rifle drawn.
Andromeda, Delphi and Paris are instructed by Agamemnon to gather into the Laikon Café. The three will use their “second senses” to assist their teammates in the upcoming battle.
Dave Bowman slowly walks down one of the main Greektown streets. He has not yet been noticed by the Right Wing, but he senses the various members’ locations and smiles. Bowman uses his “star powers” to communicate with Steve Hiller’s F-22. The combatants look to the sky and see the fighter scream across the sky.
Hiller: Okay guys, let’s give you my rendition of flaming cheese! [Hiller releases a rocket from his jet that explodes into the Laikon Café]. Opa!!!!
Andromeda, Delphi and Paris are blown to bits as the rocket leaves the Café a burnt husk. Hiller flies the jet back to the area after his first pass and his equipment allows him to see his teammate Bowman on the verge of being ambushed by Atlanta, Perseus, Hector, Jason, Ulysses I, Ulysses II and Elite Stormtrooper #1.
Hiller: Can’t have you stand on your own Bowman! Poppy’s gonna bring you a tossed Greek salad of Pantheon parts.
Hiller’s jet launches a full air strike, knowing that Bowman will survive the event. The buildings that the Pantheon teammates are on explode are instantly incinerated. Brick, mortar and steel spray throughout the entire battlefield. There is nothing left of all who were on the buildings. Atlanta, Perseus, Hector, Jason, Ulysses I, Ulysses II and Elite Stormtrooper #1 are dead.
Seeing their comrades fall so early on, Agamemnon, Ajax, Achilles, Hulk and Prometheus regroup in the Cyprus Taverna.
Agamemnon: He is but a man in a plane! Most of us are on the verge of being immortals! We kill him and we kill him now! Then, we destroy Bowman!
The remaining Right Wing combatants take to the streets, with their focus on Hiller. They scatter to different locations, but near enough that they can converge upon the unsuspecting Hiller. Hiller is in his cockpit and switches to infrared to see his enemies. He notices two signatures and lowers the plane to ground level. He wants to have a chance to use his guns too (killing things with bombs and rockets does the job, but not necessarily as fun). He only sees Agamemnon and Cassiopeia.
Hiller: Beauty and the Beast. How fitting to destroy you at the same time.
Just as Hiller is about to spray his guns, Ajax and Hulk land on the wings of the plane and begin to rip the wings’ plates off. Hiller attempts to rectify the situation by rocking the fighter back and forth, but is unable to knock the two off. Hiller then attempts to raise the plane. It is too late. The damage is done and his plane crashes the final few feet to the ground. Although the distance is not that far, Hiller is still jarred.
Hiller jumps out of the cockpit. He sees Bowman walking toward the situation and knows that if he can get to Bowman he will be safe. He does not make it. Achilles manages to catch Hiller first. He carries Hiller to Agamemnon.
Agamemnon: I destroy civilizations for fun to pass time and you, a mere human in his toy, manages to take out most of our team. . . a senseless pity.
Hiller: Why don’t you put me down and we’ll see how many others I can take out.
Agamemnon: I don’t think so. [He snaps Hiller’s neck like a twig].
Bowman is now only a couple hundred feet away from the remaining Pantheon members. The Pantheon stand their ground and are ready to fight. Cassiopeia uses her energies and strikes Bowman from the front. The energy dissipates near Bowman without explanation. Hulk and Ajax then take action and rush at Bowman from either side.
Hulk: Hulk smash!!!!
Ajax: You killed Atlanta!!!
As they reach out to pulverize Bowman, Bowman transforms into a “ghostlike” entity. Not able to stop, Hulk and Ajax hit each other with such force, the two knock themselves silly. Bowman then disappears.
Prometheus: My tracking sense shows that Bowman is. . . there! [He points to a newly formed Bowman].
Bowman looks at his enemies and tilts his head in recognition of what he must do. Hulk and Ajax begin to gain their senses. Achilles, Cassiopeia and Agamemnon form a battle line. Hulk and Ajax join them. They will strike Bowman with everything they have. The next thing they know Bowman warps reality and transports the remaining Pantheon members to a location yet to be determined. Although Hulk, Ajax, Achilles, Cassiopeia and Agamemnon survived the match, they lose the battle.
Agamemnon [looks at his surroundings and screams]: BOWMAN!!!!!!!!
Bowman wanders back to the MGM Casino. Although food is something from the past he will still enjoy Wolfgang Puck cooking his signature dishes.
POP-SUPERSTAR HANNAH MONTANA & PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA’S “BEST OF BOTH WORLDS” TOURING BATTALION OF COMMANDOS IS VICTORIOUS!!!
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