Week 5 Update

The due date for Week 5 matches is being extended until this Friday. Week 6 line ups will be due the following Sunday night at 10:00 pm.

Prologue: week 5- Team SP vs George Washington's Slaves.

Skrull #27 (Nymeria) sits alone, still unable to face the reality of what's transpired. The locker sits in from of her, still needing to be cleared out. Most of Team Sleeping Pussy has moved on, but not Nymeria. For Reginald "Butterscotch" McTwivent wasn't just a teammate. He was her friend, confidant, training partner, and occasional lover. But just before that Hogwarts consolation match, Butterscotch...changed. Got more solemn. Focused. A bit harsher-as if he knew something, but couldn't or wouldn't say.

Suddenly a voice boomed out across the lockerroom. "Attention! All week 5 competitors. Prepare for teleportation in T-minus 15 minutes. Gather all gear and prepare for glory. Today the pussy shall not sleep. Today the pussies kill!"

Namor strides by on his way to the teleporter and sees the solemn Skrull looking at her fallen friends locker. "Child, stop this foolishness. 10 deaths is gone for good, and should this lowly SHIELD agent return from beyond he shall not be who you remember. Clear out his effects, and honor him in battle. Now hurry, I won't have you battling at my side weeping like a child. And with that he strides off.

Knowing time is running short, and this could well be her last chance to make peace with Butterscotch's memory, she opens the locker. The locker is....empty. Except for a laptop, with a video preloaded.

Nymeria presses play.

"This is the video diary of Reginald McTwivent, known as 'Butterscotch' to all the pussies round here. Well, I made it through that cage match by the skin of my teeth, really starting to get my groove as far as the consolation matches go. Coach says he thinks I should start at Hogwarts, but I'm afraid my luck's gonna run out. I mean, I was nobody for such a long time. And that bit with the Compy. I don't know if I got many more fights left in this old body."

Nymeria's eyes tear up at McTwivent's baring of his soul, when suddenly the screen flickers, and McTwivent disappears for a few seconds. The timestamp continues on, then he reappears. But looks..different. His posture is harder, more confident. He seems angry, yet at peace with the anger. Also, he's suddenly covered in blood.

"Kang shall not die this day. So says the Mastermind!" says McTwivent as he turns off the webcam.

"Skrull 27-Nymeria!!Report to teleportation chamber! Deportation in exactly 5 minutes!"

Nymeria hustles off to the teleporter, a small smile creeping onto her face.

"Kang shall not die this day" she whispers "Long live the Mastermind..."

Spoiler Sport- FFL Week Four Wrap Up.

Coming to you a little later than usual, this is Cotton McKnight for ESPN eight-The Ocho!

Lots of talk about who was the "player of the week" this week, with votes going to candidates like the various incarnations of Superman or Dr Doom but it seems the true "player of this week" was Black Lantern Galactus who, along with his new crowned "Cosmic Brother of Destruction" the Anti-Montior helped his team "Michael Vick's Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve" serve first ever FFL champion TEAM yet another devastating loss this season, showing that maybe the deal the Kennelz struck with "Griffin's High Maintenance Dope Fiends and Destroyers" might not have been such a one sided deal after all.

Speaking of our first ever champs. The once mighty TEAM is having a heck of a go this year, holding a staggering 1-3 record. TEAM's woes this season are not looking to get any easier as they'll be facing the still undefeated " 'Pop Superstar' Hannah Montana and President Barack Obama’s “Best of Both Worlds” Touring Battalion of Commandos" who chalked up an amazing victory this week over another former FFL champ "The Horsemen of the Apokolips". The Horsemen also seem to find themselves outside of their usual dominant position, with a 2-2 record, and this week could also be quite the challenge as they'll be facing the also 2-2 "Xavier's Annihilation Squad". NFG Mike's team found themselves in a position similar to the Horsemen as they were also unable to stem the tide of perfection that "Brock Samson's FIghting Murderflies" has been achieving this season. Only the Murderflies and the Commandos are able to boast flawless 4-0 starts, as the mighty "George Washington's Slaves" found themselves coming up a bit short against the "Brotherhood of Evil Midgets".

What will happen this week? Keep it locked here to the Ocho as we kick off our fifth week of fantastic Fantasy Fantasy Action, broadcast live from the league's very own Play Off Planet. Will the Commandos and the Murderflies keep their records unsullied? We'll find out as the actions rockets to you right here on ESPN 8.

That's all the time we have for this edition of "Spoiler Sport" As always, this has been Cotton McKnight. Thank you and good night.

Week Five Schedule

WEEK 5: Playoff Planet (Interleague Play)
900 Points
Prize: Legion Flight Ring

Horsemen of Apokolips vs Xavier’s Annihilation Squad (Goof)
Better Than All of You vs Beckerman’s Backyardigans Beeyaatches (Ryan)
Brotherhood of Evil Midgets vs Michael Vick’s Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve (Universe Bowl IV Re-Match) (Becks)
Logical Genocide vs Brock Samson’s Fighting Murderflies (Griffin)
George Washington’s Slaves vs Team Sleeping Pussy (Seeney)
Miley Cyrus and President Barack Obama’s “Best of Both Worlds” Touring Battalion of Commandos vs TEAM (Josh)
The Transfoamers vs Griffin’s High Maintenance Dope Fiends and Destroyers (Becks)
Tijuana Taco Benders vs Layander’s Super Orange Kitties and Cats Living Together To Make a New Family (Josh)

Season Five Week Four Standings

The Horsemen of Apokolips Vs. Flop-Superstar Miley Montana and "Stop Being Racist and vote for me Already" President Barack Obama's "Best of Both...

The Horsemen of Apokolips are The Dinobots: Grimlock, Slag, Sludge, Snarl, and Swoop, Krona, Sodom Yat bonded w/ Ion, Hal Jordan Parallax bonded w/ Ophidian (w/ 2 Green Lantern Rings, Sinestro's yellow ring, red lantern ring, and a Star Sapphire Ring), Luke Skywalker: Grand Jedi Master bonded w/ Adara, Hanibal Lectur bonded w/ Proselyte,, Ella Artip bonded w/ The Predator (w/ a blue lightsaber, Supergirl's cape, and Josh Houslander's Tanto), Julie Artrip bonded w/ The Butcher (w/ a green lightsaber, a Star Wand, and Josh's Wakisachi), Chris Artrip (w/ Mandalorian Armor, green lightsaber, and Josh's Katana), Red Lantern Jeff Houslander, Laya: Jedi Padawan, Alex: Jedi Padawan, Ryan Poteracki (w/ a rocketpack, a mithril vest, laser sword, laser gun, and his pokemon sidekick Piplup), and Fry Guy #1 and 2.

Flop-Pooperstar Hannah Montana and "Almost back to being a Canidate again; which is really all I was ever good at anyway" President Barack Obama's "Best of Both Worlds" Touring Battalion of Commandos are (Earth 2) Superman, Katiniss Everdeen (w/ a green lantern ring), Luminara Unduli (w/ a blue lantern ring), Orion Pax (w/ The Autobot Matrix of Leadership. AKA Optimus Prime), Norma Cenva (w/ a green lantern ring), White Lantern Deadman, Maestro, Atrocitus, Dr. Doom, Dr. Alan Grant and Dr. Ellie Sattler in The GMC Sierra 2500 "Pussy Rocket", Dora the Explorer (w/ 2 green lightsabers), Benny, Isa, and Tico, The Herculoids: Zandar, Tarra, Dorno, Zok, Igoo, Tundro, Gloop, and Gleep, Zombie Doozer #1, and Doozer #13.


Let's get to it... This match is a day late, and let's face it; it is probably the best match-up of the week (although The Slaves vs. The Midgets was pretty harsh too). You people deserved a great story, and you aren't really going to get one. But it is still a great match-up even if it isn't a great match. These teams are not lacking, even if the writer is, these characters are stellar even if the presentation isn't, and this setting is one of the best The FFL has ever used even if this match doesn't do it justice. Heavyweights from both teams work to flatten out the foliage of Isla Nublar whether it be through sheer might or simply massive size. The humidity in the air noticably drops as century old trees fall like twigs. Even the rain seems scared to enter in to the fray as these two teams size each other up in the center of what was once The Tyranosaurus Paddock. The King of The Thunder Lizards size and power would be dwarfed by members of both these teams, if she were still alive that is. On a far corner of the island Norma Cenva and Krona become locked in a battle of supreme intellect; while The Dinobots are confronted by Optimus Prime, Atrocitus, and the most familiar people to the area driving The Pussy Rocket. Superman is battling with the similarly powered (yet further enhanced) Sodom Yat, while Hal Jordan Parallax brawls with Maestro. Luke Skywalker leads the rest of his of the spectrum powered Horsemen against The Herculoids, who under the great leadership of Zandar and Tarra have set themselves up perfectly in a defensive position in the Isla Nublar Setting. Dr. Doom orders White Lantern Deadman to meet him in a remote cave below the Stegosaur Paddock; while Luminara Unduli, Dora, Benny Isa, Tico, and the doozers (Katiniss is with them at first but then dissapears in to the jungle on her own) move against Red Lantern Jeff Houslander, his grandkids Laya and Alex, Ryan with his trusty sidekick Piplup, and The two fry guys. Dr. Doom has assured his team that his master plan will work, although he did tell them that he was going to need a significant amount of time to execute it; so they would need to hold off The Horsemen as long as possible and to fight the battle as if nothing else was going on. This of course was not a problem for The Commandos, because they didn't know what his plan was in the first place. Sodom Yat, may have the power of Ion to back him up; but in the end it is still not quite enough to take out Superman. Superman dodges the mid air green energy and blasts as well as the aura that is outwordly put out by the entity itself and is able to get Sodom Yat in a choke hold. Yat attempts to focus all his power directly through Superman; but this just inadvertantly makes Supes grip that much tighter. This finishes of The Daxomite. Hal Jordan Parallax takes a beating from Maestro; but in the end, even the green-skinned future Hulk cannot take a "full colored" assault from Jordan. There is of course no rest for either of these contest winners as Superman and Hal Jordan instantly start doing battle with each other high above the ground. The Dinobots are having more fun than they ever thought imaginable. Reunited for the first time in a FFL Match, it is amazing how well a crew of simple-minded creatures can work together. "Me Grimlock wreck little truck"!! Grimlock exclaims as he uses the laser from his mouth to blow up The Pussy Rocket and waste a totally cherry ride. Dr. Grant and Ellie manage to roll out of the wreckage and escape with their lives before the truck completely explodes. Speaking of trucks, Optimus Prime transforms out of his truck form and wastes no time putting a dozen or so perfectly aimed shots from his laser gun in to Slag's smallish head (relatively speaking of course). This more than just stuns the brontosaurus dinosaur and gives Optimus the perfect oppurtunity to pick Slag up by his neck and slam him dow repeatedly until his spark is extinguished. Atrocitus is able to spew enough red plasma energy all over Sludge to take him out; while Dr. Grant and Ellie run as fast as they can through the jungle with Swoop hot on their tail. Swoop is of course faster; but the Paleontologist and Paleobotanist are too clever for Swoop and pick just the right areas to duck in and out of. Grant and Sattler then jump out in to an open field and begin running as fast as they can. Swoop believes that he has them right where he wants them as he does what he does best "swoops" in low to get them. Swoop begins to take aim right when Grant and Ellie duck behind a fallen tree. At that moment Swoop notices the herd of Gallimimus' running toward him. They trample the Dinobot by wrecking his wings and with enough force eventually destroy his spark. "I told you if we made enough noise we could start a stampede" a smiling Dr. Grant says to a terrified but now laughing Ellie Sattler. Optimus next is able to come out on top of a battle against Snarl; but as he is ripping out the last of Snarl's circuitry, Grimlock is able to get a grip on Prime's neck with his powerful jaws and rip his former leader's head clean off. Grimlock then goes rampaging off from this battle. Atrocitus, Ellie, and Alan do not even attempt to follow the Dinobot do to the fact that President Obama gave them strict orders to no longer engage The Dinobots if Prime happens to lose his life. Deep within the Costa Rican Cave, Deadman assures Dr. Doom, that he doesn't really even no how to work his white lantern ring, and that it really just has a mind of its own. Dr. Doom seems to find this information irrelevant as he begins chanting an old Tibetan Spell. Shockingly to Deadman, the ring comes off of his finger and lands right in front of Victor Von Doom who has a makeshift lab set up in the cave. "A bit of magic to start the day, but I assure you my dead friend that it is science that will win us this fight" says Doom. "Am I going to get that back"? asks Deadman. "Yes, of course. After all, we are going to require a vessel to finish the plan". Answers Dr. Doom in a somewhat maniacal tone. Doom painstakingly annalyzes the Oan Science of the white ring, poking and prodding at the magnificent piece of super-advanced technology. He then picks up the ring with a pair of tongs and places it back on the finger of Deadman. He then goes back to his small computer and begins accessing his new program. Doom pushes the final button, and suddenly White Lantern Deadman flies out of the cave and parks himself high in the sky and in the exact center of Isla Nublar. The ring then opens up and in a fraction of a second causes a disatrous whirlwind of power. The White ring in essence sucks in and destroys the entire spectrum of power. Ripping the spectrum entities out of their hosts and sending them in to the white ring killing Deadman (that always sounds so dumb), destroying the white ring, but also taking every spectrum entity with it. This also disrupts the delicate balance between Norma Cenva and Krona's mental battle. This action speeds up what was most likely destined to happen anyway, their mutual death. Hal Jordan Parallax is far from helpless without The Ophidian Power, but this distraction is enough to tip the scales in Superman's favor. Kal L does not miss the oppurtunity to put his Kryptonian fist through Hal Jordan's aura protected face. Luke Skywalker rallies his troops by assuring them that the loss of their entities is in no way a death sentance. "We Horsemen were winning long before we were gifted with the entities and we will continue to win today. I've personally killed Superman; and there is nothing that this team can't accomplish". Luke soon sees that he will find out if his pep talk is right or wrong sooner rather than later as the remaining members of both teams all start to congregate within a 100 yard area. Hanibal Lectur thinks that Ellie Sattler looks delicious, but before he can sneak up on her, a green energy coated arrow goes directly in his eye, giving away the general vicinity of where Katiniss Everdeen is hiding. Julie Artrip is somewhat happy to be relieved of the red entity for the time being even though she knows it would sure come in handy right about now. The Myrmidon (for life) aims her Star Wand and takes out Ellie Sattler from afar. Benny may be strong, but before he can pick up the boulder in front of him Red Lantern Jeff Houslander spews some rage fueled plasma on to him Isa and Tico. Zandar and Tarra rush out first in The Herculoid charge and stomp the 2 Fry Guys to death without breaking stride. But Zandar is caught by another red energy spew from Jeff, and his granddaughter Ella manages to jump out of a tree behind her grandfather to put her lightsaber in to the chest of Tarra. Dr. Doom rushes in to the scene and begins to take control of The Commandos, but the last thing he hears is the words "Grimlock smash bossy guy" as Grimlock steps on Dr. Doom. Grimlock then laser blasts Tundro and the new leader of The Herculoids (now that his parents just hit the graveyard) Dorno. Superman sees this go on and realizes that Grimlock must be stopped to regain control of this battle. Superman rockets straight through Grimlock's chest and then picks him up by the tail and launches him in to the ocean. Katiniss takes aim with her bow once again, but this time her target is not so easily taken. Luke Skywalker manages to block the arrow with his lightsaber and then throws his lightsaber in to Katiniss' chest. He then uses the force to bring his lightsaber back to him in the blink of an eye. Out of the corner of his eye, Jeff sees his grandkids caught in the Herculoid Stampede, which of course sends him in to a rage. He leads Chris and Julie against The Herculoids. Chris uses the built in flamethrower on his Mandalorina suit of armor to heat heat up Gloop and Gleep which gives Jeff the oppurtunity to smash them with his red aura-coated fist. But then Jeff meets his match as Atrocitus, the leader of the red lantern corps himself is able to take out the red lantern rookie. Although she is quite skilled with a lightsaber, and has a blue ring to aid her, Luminara Unduli is still no match for The Grand Jedi Master himself. Luke manages to make pretty quick work of the Jedi Master. Luke then uses the force to pull Atrocitus toward him. Atrocitus aims his red energy at Luke but Luke blocks it with his hand and then throws it right back at The Red Lantern, melting him with his own energy. Ryan hits Doozer #13 with a perfectly aimed laser gun shot from the air, on his way to help Chris and Julie finish off The Herculoids; but they are confronted with a force much more powerful than any mere Herculoid... Dora... Unlike Ryan and his little buddy Piplup, Julie and Chris do not divert from their plan. The two of them work together flawlessly to take down the stone gorilla Igoo with their lightsabers. But Igoo is avenged when Zok catches Julie with a well aimed tail laser to finish her off. Chris is furious at what has happened to his wife, but before he can take off with his Mandalrian jetpack after the space dragon, Zombie Doozer #1 jumps on to Chris's back, works his way up his helmet and then begins munching on his brains. Ryan quickly avenges his bro with a laser sword swipe that sends the zombie doozer to the graveyard; but in the meantime he doesn't see that his other friend is in trouble as well. Dora makes quick work of Piplup and is then confronted by Ryan. "This is a good way for this to end" says Ryan. Dora retorts: "You're right Poteracki, we have both been in this league too long, and it's time to finish it. If you are anything like me, you will welcome this end and be happy to vamanos this league all together". Ryan simply nods in agreement and says: "let's do this". The highly trained combatants clash lightsaber to laser sword knowing that they have more in common than they are even acknowledging. Two regular people from seperate universes thrust in to a strange league, forced to witness horrible tragedies, made to witness the deaths of their closest friends and most importantly... trained to be killing machines. To throw away remorse, to master the art of weaponry, war, and savagery. As the two well-matched fighters clash in melee combat Ryan attempts to take aim with his laser gun, but before he can Dora chops off the barrel with one of her lightsabers. Ryan then chops at Dora's left hand and destroys one of her lightsabers. "That belonged to Boots" Dora says angrily. "If you wanted remorse from me Dora, then maybe you shouldn't have murdered my cute little sidekick right before my eyes" says Ryan. "Join the damn club Poteracki" Dora replys. Ryan lunges at Dora with the form 5 style of fighting that he loves so much but Dora parries the attack. "I want to die and rid myself of the burden of this evil league more than I can possibly explain". says Dora to her opponent. Ryan once again lunges at Dora in an attempt to do exactly what Dora is requesting. Ryan then finds Dora behind him in a blink of an eye. He feels the single tear run down her cheek as she whispers in his ear "too bad I never get what I want". says Dora. It is at that moment that Ryan looks down to see the green lightsaber protruding from his chest. Luke Skywalker finds himself surrounded by Superman, Dr. Grant, Zok, and Dora. Superman tells his team to hold back so no more lives are lost. They just kind of listen. Zok takes aim at Luke from the sky with his tail and eye lasers, while Grant takes a couple of pot shots with his shotgun. Luke knows that he has the ability to kill Superman, after being the one to send TEAM's Superman to The Graveyard, but today it is not in the cards for The Grand Jedi Master. He is overpowered by Superman and his friends, which makes...
POP-SUPERSTAR HANNAH MONTANA AND PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA'S "BEST OF BOTH WORLDS TOURING BATTALION OF COMMANDOS VICTORIOUS!!

Griffin's High Maintenance Dope Fiends and Destroyers Vs. Layander's Super-Orange Kitties and Cats Living Together to Make a New Family

Griffin's High Maintenance Dope Fiends and Destroyers are (Kingdom Come) Superman, Power Girl, The Stranger, Proteus, The Leader (w/ a red lightsaber), Kid Omega, Gor-Gor, The Predator Crew: "Dutch Shaefer, George Dillon, Billy Sole, Mac Elliot, Blaine Cooper, Jorge "Poncho" Rodriguez, and Rick Hawkins, and Snoopy and Woodstock in an M1 Abrams Tank.

Layander's Super Orange Kitties and Cats Living Together to Make a New Family are White Lantern Batman, (Kingdom Come) Wonder Woman, (Kingdom Come) Green Lantern, (Kingdom Come) Power Woman, (Kingdom Come) Donna Troy, (Kingdom Come) Red Arrow on a 4-Wheeler, Don-El, Van-Zee, Vitar, Superman Emergency Squad #1-5, Dark Supergirl, Red X Robin on a Speeder Bike, and Knives Chow (w/ a Demon Rod and a Star Sapphire Ring).


On the way to Jurassic Park The Super-Kitties are extremely annoyed with the bickering between Power Woman and Dark Supergirl. The two of them are debating which of them is from the "real" reality; so therefore which one of them is better. Wonder Woman interjects by saying: "It seems to me that very few of us in this League are from what the powers that be consider the "real" or "normal" reality; but that doesn't make us any less powerful. So you two cut it out. We didn't come here to fight each other". "Hmm, too bad" replies Dark Supergirl sarcastically. As the Super-Kitties land on Isla Nublar, they are almost instantly charged by a Triceratops protecting its young, but The Superman Emergency Squad makes quick work of the dinosaur. The Dope Fiends on the other hand have split up in order to search out the home base of The Super-Kitties in order to formulate an attack. Power Girl makes a quick fly-over of their camp; but is spotted by Wonder Woman. She shouts: "Supergirl!!... It looks like you get your chance to fight Power Girl after all". Dark Supergirl takes off after Power Girl; but not before Power Girl can notify the rest of the Dope Fiends of the Super-Kitties whereabouts. From this point on, a melee begins which has even the island's T-Rexs and Velociraptors running for cover (pretty clever way to make it so I don't have to include any more dinosaurs in the story... huh?). The battle covers not a huge area, but the area it does cover includes not only the ground and the trees above it, but the air far above those trees as well. Wonder Woman and Green Lantern are not people who will openly exhibit fear; but that emotion is close as they see their Justice League Captain Superman emerge from The Dope Fiends place of hiding. Wonder Woman does not allow one of her "Kingdom Come" Followers to seek out other skirmishes once she lays eyes on Superman. Superman rushes in as he takes on Wonder Woman, Green Lantern, Power Woman, Donna Troy, and Red Arrow on his 4-Wheeler. Power Girl and Dark Supergirl fiercely battle one another high above the Costa Rican Trees, while White Lantern Batman levitates towards The Stranger. Kid Omega, Proteus, and The Leader singularly square off against Don-El, Van-Zee, and Vitar; while the rest of The Superman Emergency Squad surrounds Gor-Gor. Red X teams up with Knives Chow as they fly in (Red X Robin with the aid of his Speeder Bike and Knives Chow with the aid of her Star Sapphire Ring) toward Dutch Shaeffer and his Special Forces Crew. The Stranger's cosmic abilities fall short of being able to take out Batman's White Lantern Powers. Although Bruce Wayne may not be able to completely control his new found powers the ring itself is able to absorb the matter manipulation and then abolish The Stranger from this plane of existance. Kid Omega witnesses this feat and decides to take control of the mind of not only Batman but also of Don-El. Kid Omega is able to get Batman to physically remove the White Ring from his finger, and then cast it aside. As Batman begins free-falling, his own teammate Don-El whose mind is not his own as well, puts his fist through the head of Batman, just for good measure. Kid Omega then focuses his powers in to mindblocking Don-El. Kid Omega is successful in his use of his mutant ability; but Van-Zee quickly dishes out an attack similar to the one that was used on Batman, when he puts his own fist into the highly advanced brain of Kid Omega. Gor-Gor feels right at home amongst his fellow dinosaurs on Isla Nublar, but he doesn't much care for the alien scum that is attacking him. Gor-Gor is actually able to take out two of his Kryptonian Powered attackers (#2 and #4) with his massive and powerful jaws; but the Gwar T-Rex can't quite take the beating that the other three put him through. Gor-Gor inevitably falls to the might of the Superman Emergency Squad. The Leader knows that he cannot withstand the attacks that Vitar is about to inflict on him, which is why he chooses the only probable location to hide from her at the exact right moment. He also mentally projects that The Dope Fiends are going to need to have Superman have one stellar match if they are going to beat The Super-Kitties Squad that has been pitted against them. The Leader hides in the shadows; and does not quite take control of Superman's mind but guides it against the forthcoming attacks from Wonder Woman and her crew. Vitar is unsuccessful in finding The Leader, but she does manage to get a hold of Proteus. Despite his shape-shifiting abilities, Vitar manages to shift his shape in to that of a dead guy. While Power Girl and Dark Supergirl beat the crap out of each other in the air, and The Predator Crew move deeper and deeper in to the jungle; Superman is surrounded by his own team (from the comics that is, not in the world of FFL). Superman easily anticipates the attack of Red Arrow (which was merely a diversion designed by Wonder Woman anyway). Red Arrow's 4-Wheeler comes flying directly at the head of Superman, but The Last Son of Krypton ducks out of the way and destroys the Polaris 4x4 with one punch. This sends Red Arrow flying hard in to a nearby tree to end his life. This battle continues, while Knives Chow and Red X finally catch up to Dutch Shaeffer and his team. Knives Chow moves in quickly; but Red X is taken off guard when his Speeder Bike is shot from under him by an M1 Abrams Tank. Woodstock and Snoopy are elated in blasting Grayson off of his bike; but he is not out of the game just yet. Red X puts on his temporary invisibility belt and rushes the tank. He easily blows a hole in the top before his invisibility wears off and then jumps inside the tank. I can't see what exactly happens; but I am certain that The Dope Fiends "most powerful character" and his mentor Snoopy put up an amazing fight before Red X popped out of the top of the tank unscathed. Knives Chow attacks with her Demon Rod and instantly removes all of Rick Hawkins hit points. She then uses her Star Sapphire Ring to slice Pancho in half; and then delivers a good-old fashioned (but Star Sapphire and evil magic infused) kick to the head Billy Sole, which does him in as well. Blaine Cooper sees this transpire and decides to let Ol' Painless do what he does best: kill lesser soldiers. Which is exactly what the mini-gun does to Knives Chow. Red X rejoins the battle and uses his trillium based weaponry to take the preoccupied Blaine off guard. He sends one of his Red Xs through Cooper's neck. Dick Grayson uses his heavily powered suit to deal a similar death to Mac Elliot. Red X moves against George Dillon next, knocking him to the ground; but Dutch has got his back. He blows the young hero away just in the knick of time to save Dillon's life; which sparks a handshake of epic proportions between the two of them. Power Girl and Dark Supergirl are visibly tired from the beating that they have given one another; but neither of them are slowing down. The amount of hate that can be spawned by two such similar characters is staggering to my eyes, yet it continues to grow. Power Girl sends a potent blast of heat vision towards Dark Supergirl, who manages to fight through the heat and painto deliver an uppercut that snaps her rivals neck. Down on and around the ground Green Lantern is focusing every bit of energy he can muster towards Superman; but his power set falls short as his ring and his body are overcome by Superman's intense burst of heat vision. With the death of Green Lantern; Power Woman, Wonder Woman, and Donna Troy rush in towards the grounded Superman and begin punding on him until their fists are throbbing with pain. Superman hates not only the idea of fighting women, but also of fighting his former trusted team; but he does not hold back one bit because he knows better than anyone that these are women that are not to be taken lightly. Van-Zee and the remaining members of The Superman Emergency Squad rush in at this very moment to lend a hand while the exhausted Dark Supergirl manages to cut off Dutch and his bromantic friend George before they can lend Superman a hand. Dark Supergirl easily finishes off the two former Green Berets; while in the meantime Vitar finally tracks down The Leader. The Leader sees her coming and ignites his red lightsaber; but it is too little too late for the Gamma-infected genius. "Vitar SMASH"!! She yells as she pulverizes The Leader. Superman manages to get a hold of the necks of Power Woman and Donna Troy and smash their two heads together, but Wonder Woman then knocks him to the ground just in time to be joined by The Superman Emergency Squad. Superman, from his crouched position on the ground sends some freeze breath towards the S.E.S. which is so powerful that it freezes and cracks S.E.S. #1 and #5. He then pops up and grabs a hold of Van-Zee, cracking his old friend's neck. Superman has fought so valiantly, that a tear of pure respect comes to the eye of Wonder Woman as she delivers a double fisted blow to the back of Superman's neck which puts him down on the ground for good.
LAYANDER'S SUPER ORANGE KITTIES AND CATS LIVING TOGETHER TO MAKE A NEW FAMILY ARE VICTORIOUS!!

**Epilogue After Wonder Woman has regrouped with her team Dark Supergirl and Vitar insist that they go back to the scene of Superman's death and makes sure that he is finished. But The Watchers escort them back to the locker rooms. A few hours later Superman's eyes open wide as he jumps back in to action; but the match has already been called for The Super-Kitties.

The 2012 Easter Classic!

I've played three presidents, three saints and two geniuses - and that's probably enough for any man. Also.... Brraaaaiiiiiiinnnnssssss.
-Zombie Charlton Heston


Ladies and Gentlemen! Welcome welcome welcome to the 2012 Easter Classic!
It has been decided that to celebrate the binge eating of chocolates and the bizzare notion that a rabbit would lay eggs...

(Everyone knows rabbits produce a-sexually, molting their old body and leaving a bolus of fleshy tissue inside which then proceeds to become either a Cadbury Creme Egg or a newly born rabbit depending on the amount of heat applied to it during the gestation period...) but I digress...

We find ourselves on Easter Island yet again. The rubble has been cleared away from the last match we witnessed here. The Moss has been scrubbed from the Moai heads. The rips in space-time that resulted in the disappearance of the 2011 Easter Classic have been repaired and all alternate timelines have been.... reconciled.

The air is still on Easter Island however none of our competitors have any clue where they are.

The Horsemen have sent Casey Rybeck, Battle Pope, Zombie Charlton Heston, Alfred Pennyworth, and Ryan Poteracki himself into the fight.

The Commandos assembled the following members for the contest: Lady Gaga, Fredrich Nietzsche, Judah Ben-Hur, Rachel Ray, and last, but most certainly not least, Worm Becks

The respective teams occupy themselves in the waiting areas below the island. The mostly sterile environment is made much more tolerable by the copious amount of food and entertainment available. The competitors are given anything their hearts desire during the time before the battle. Alfred finds himself enjoying a wonderful cup of tea. Rachel Ray is literally bathing in extra virgin olive oil like some bizarre foodie version of Elizabeth Bathory.

In the Waiting Room of the Horsemen:
“Good Evening Competitors!” a sing song ladies voice seems to come from everywhere. “We here at the 2012 Easter Classic are incredibly pleased to announce a change in the rules. One of your number must be chosen to stay in the waiting area at the beginning of the match. You may make this decision any way you wish but it must be made in the next 5 minutes.” The team discusses briefly and then a judgement call is made.

Battle Pope: “If any of us are capable of coming from behind and overcoming the odds it’s probably Rybeck.”

Alfred: “Very good sir! very good choice indeed. I couldn’t agree more.”

BP: “Cram it Jarvis... heaven hates a kiss ass.”


Meanwhile in the Commandos waiting room:

Worm Becks is busily making his way between stations in the fashion department of the room. His movements are a blur, sewing needles pinched tightly between his lips hands a flurry of fabric and special vials of chemicals..

(I told you those rooms have everything)

Worm Becks: "aaand there, this should really do a number on the crowd.'

Gaga: "What on earth are you doing?"

WB: “I am not going up there looking like just any old guy doing the worm, I am going to be the Worm On Fire!”

Gaga: “... dude I’m wearing a dress made of defrosted tyson chicken breasts and even I think you look like a crazy person... and what is up with the eyeliner dude?!”

WB: You know what... I think I’ve just spotted something that will really cement my image in the hearts and minds of the crowd.

“Good Evening Competitors!” says the sing-song woman “We here at the 2012 Easter Classic are incredibly pleased to announce a change in the rules. The sponsorship awards previously selected and reserved for both teams are being distributed to the opposing team instead.”


PSSSSSSHHHHHTTTTTTTT a hydraulic hiss escapes the back of the room as Becks emerges from an odd stainless steel chamber. His body has been twisted and re-shaped by the mutation chamber’s power. His new segmented body ripples underneath the sequined red outfit he had created for himself.

Gaga finishes helping him re-tailor the outfit, which she now understands is perfect for his new earth-worm physique...

As the two fashion mavens fuss over the final details of their outfits. A loud horn sounds, and their sponsorship gifts slide down a chute into the teams respective waiting rooms.

The Horsemen are given a crate of hydraulics and steel parts...
A Motorola Razr from 2005
A suit of Armor
and a Sword.

Battle Pope immediately takes both the sword and the armor because he sees them for what they really are. The Sword is none other than St. Michael’s sword. and the armor is from the legendary Sir Lancelot.

Rybeck takes the rest and gets to work...


In the commandos locker room they find that despite the swap, they got some of what they wanted.

the crate of hydraulics and steel
the motorola razr
a sword
but instead of the suit of armor they asked for... they received a GPS unit.

Gaga: asserting herself as the team’s inventor and most creative member, begins to go to work with the electronics and the crate of parts.

Judah goes over to the sword... tossed aside by Gaga who has no mind for the implements of old.

there is a piece of paper wrapped around the handle of the sword that reads as follows:

I shatter Swords and splinter spears;
None stands to Shieldbreaker.
My point's the fount of orphan's tears
My edge the widowmaker.

Judah: “Bad. Ass...” he picks up the sword and a rhythmic pounding plays in his ears.. he notices the white engraving of a hammer on the sword’s hilt.

“Good Evening Competitors!” the sing song voice says to both waiting rooms. “We are pleased to announced that the time until tonight's festivities has been reduced in quite dramatic fashion! Please proceed to your launch pads so that the contest may begin! And As always May the odds be.... oh wait what’s that? we can’t use that line? very well then. Good Luck Everyone!!!”



Alarms Sound, a dead robotic voice fills the air countdown to match start in...10...9....8....

The launch pads raise the competitors into the field. they see the giant wicker cornucopia in the center of the battlefield. Backpacks full of supplies are scattered with increasing density towards its mouth (where the pumpkins and corn and stuff are)

Ryan: Oh this is TOTAL CRAP this is a direct rip off from Hunger Games... I’m not going to stand for this.

With this exclamation Ryan steps off his platform.

A Huge explosion throws dirt and soot into the air.

The smoke clears and, back on his launch pad, is Ryan... seemingly unharmed,and now frantically hoping one of the backpacks contains a change of pants...


4....

3....

2....


1

a Low rumbling horn signals the start of the battle.

the competitors run towards the cornucopia.

Nietzsche simply sits down on his platform making no motion

Ryan: “ugh... friggin hacks... fine, I’ll play along...”

Ryan makes a dash for the nearest backpack Katniss style, he grabs it and rushes back out into the surrounding territory to formulate a plan of attack.

While he is stomping through the woods he turns to check if he is being followed. As his eyes divert from where he is going, he stumbles into Rachel Ray who is stumbling around, blinded by a booby trapped container of EVOO which has sprayed into her eyes when she opened her backpack. In a moment of sheer panic Ryan snatches the slippery, oil covered garbage bowl from Ray’s hands and repeatedly slams the edge into her skull until her body stops twitching.

Ryan: Man... that... that went ok... alright, I got this... everything is going to be fine... what is that smell? I don’t believe this chick already cooked something! Whatever it is it smells amazing!

Behind Ryan, is a partially burned Lady Gaga in a half functioning spider bot she constructed from the Hydraulics and steel, sparks and flames shoot from the terrible machine jerking and lurching its way toward him... her now grilled chicken suit smells delicious and gives her position away. But not in time to protect Ryan from the “little monsters” she has also unleashed on the battlefield.

Gaga is frantically pounding commands into the keypad of the Moto Razr and a pack of small iron creatures created from GPS components and scrap metal, tear across the ground towards him. He is torn to shreds by the monsters as they short circuit one after another, sending feedback to her make-shift controller which also stops functioning.

Gaga Wheels the spider bot away from the body to look for her next victim but ends up setting her sights on what will ultimately be the end for her.

Casey Rybeck was not allowed to enter the initial fray. The powers in control of the Easter Classic sought to use him as some kind of monster to present a challenge to the Horsemen.

Unfortunately... Worm Becks broke the damn Mutation machine....
Rybeck has used his crate of parts and electronics (in addition to his extra time) to produce an alien style mech complete with a set of Chef’s knives on each hydraulic claw..

Worm Becks has wiggled his way into the path of Rybeck in a valiant attempt to save his fellow fashionista’s life.

Rybeck: “Get away from her you bitch!”

Rybeck then stomps on worm becks crushing his organs and leaving him no way to regenerate using his new found earthworm DNA.

Rybeck proceeds to dismantle Gaga’s Spider Mech and turn her grilled chicken suit into a grilled-chicken-Gaga-Kabob.

Rybeck: “Kiss the cook lady.”

a Rhythmic Thumping fills the air as Rybeck wheels to face his next opponent... a lone man with a sword faces him. Rybeck almost laughs but something doesn’t seem right.

Shieldbreaker has taken control of Judah’s sword arm, sapping strength from the rest of his body and pouring that energy into a single focus, Destroying the armed foe in front of it.

The sword slices through the mech as if it were made of cardboard and zip ties. Rybec tries to deflect the swords arc away from his body with a chef’s knife but that too is cut cleanly in half.

Meanwhile....

Battle Pope and Nietzsche have found each other.
Nietzsche still sitting on his launch pad, Battle Pope is gritting his teeth, white knuckles wrapped around his sword.

BP: “Don’t sit there and pretend that you know what you’re up against pal.”

Nietzsche: “Oh I understand more than you know Oswald, When one has not had a good father, one must create one.”

BP: “You confuse my lack of respect for a lack of faith....But I have discovered exactly what you are lacking...”

Nietzsche: “And what... pray tell... is that Oswald?”

Zombie Heston: “Brrrraaaaaiiiiiinnnnssss!”

BP laughs as Zombie Heston descends on Nietzsche, tearing into his head and eating ferociously.
By the time Zombie Heston is gnawing on Fred’s collar bones Judah Has walked up to the cackling pontiff and clears his throat.

Judah: “Ahem”

Battle Pope rounds on the intruder, sword at the ready.

BP: “Do you really think you can stand against the Sword of the Archangel Michael and the armor of Sir Lancelot? Let alone ME?’

Judah: Call it a hunch...

And with that, Judah’s arm is thrust into battle he deflects the furious blows of Battle Pope. BP spits his cigar directly into Judah’s face but the hot ash bounces off without effect. Judah’s Sword finds its mark and cleaves Oswald Leopold II in half slicing through the magical armor and holy sword alike.

Judah advances on the zombie that is currently feasting on his former team mate but feels a tapping on his shoulder.

Alfred: “Excuse me Sir, if you could be so kind as to....”

At this Judah Swings the sword fiercely directly at Alfred’s head.

The sword passes through without so much as disturbing a single hair.

Alfred: “... As I was saying sir.. if you would be so kind as to hold still so that my undead compatriot can end your life that would be very much appreciated.

Judah swings again, no effect.

He tries to remember the words on the paper that arrived with the sword. “I Shatter Swords and Splinter Spears....” he mutters to himself.

Alfred: “I do believe the next line is ‘None stands to Shieldbreaker’ which is exactly the type of weapon that Myself and my teammate here are armed with... ‘none’ and we most definitely are standing to you sir..”

Judah’s strength was still pouring into his now useless sword arm, he thrashed impotently against the now immeasurable force that Alfred’s grip was placing on his arm.

Zombie Heston: “aaaaaaaaaah Brraaaaiiins”

As Zombie Heston began to devour his enemy a sound interrupts...

Congratulations competitors! You have won the 2012 Easter Classic! Now if you’ll please stop eating and proceed to the transport...

Zombie Heston’s last two living brain cells fire and he forms a full sentence: You can make me stop eating when you pry this guy from my cold... dead... hands!!!!

A blast of energy from the transport ship disintegrates the zombie. Sending a clear message to Alfred who boards the ship without argument.

TEAM vs Michael Vick's Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve

TEAM is: Robin, the Toy Wonder , Lord Katsumoto w/Purple Lightsaber, Conan, Dixie Kong ,Pee Wee Herman (9 Deaths), Pterri (9 deaths) , Angus MacGuyver w/Red Lightsaber, Sif , Hogun, Volstagg, Fandral, Sin (Final Fantasy X), Edward Cullen, Bella Cullen, Supergirl (Linda Danavers)

Michael Vick's Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve are: Anti Monitor, Black Lantern Galactus, Terrax, Serpent, Skadi: Herald of the Serpent Merged w/ Shao Khan via hammer, Nul: Breaker of Worlds Merged w/ Beast Wars Megatron via hammer, Skirn: Breaker of Men Merged w/ Princess Leia via hammer , Mokk: Breaker of Faith Merged w/ Blanka via hammer , Predacon: Rampage

TEAM has secured transport aboard the Jurassic Park helicopters. The Kennelz shipped their players in the same crates they used to ship the dinosaurs. TEAM’s crew bonded during their long flight, mostly by making fun of Edward and Bella. The Kennelz didn’t have a whole lot of fun, but Anti Monitor did eat one of the Mexican guys that was unloading them. It boosted morale quite a bit.

TEAM was dropped off at the visitor center and from there they broke off into groups. Sif, The Warriors Three, and Supergirl head for the Tyrannosaurus paddock. The Serpent and his Worthy are waiting. It’s a five on five brawl and both sides are landing good shots. Supergirl dodges a few swings from Mokk’s hammer and lands a crushing left upper cut right cross combo stunning Mokk. She follows up with a spinning heel kick that decapitates Mokk and sends his head flying into the triceratops paddock. Skadi has Sif pined to a tree stump and is crushing her wind pipe with the shaft of his hammer when super girl punches a hole threw the back of his head.

Hogun and the Serpent are going back and forth, The serpent knocks Hoguns mace from his hand. Hogun counters by tackling the Serpent to the ground. The two wrestle back and forth each trying to get the upper hand, Serpent pins Hoguns arms with his knees and raises up to smash in his face. The Serpent notices that Hogun is looking behind him and rolls away just as Supergirl attempts the old punch to the back of the head trick. She misses her intended target and lodges her hand into her teammates head. The serpent grabs Hoguns mace and crushes Super girls head. Again the Serpent hears something behind him but when he turns, he turns right into Sif’s blade. The Serpent tries to strangle Sif but She easily shrugs him off and cuts him in half.

Nul and Skim are both to busy fighting with Fandral and Volstagg to notice Sif come up behind them and slit their throats.

Elsewhere Pee Wee And Pterri are moving through the dense prehistoric forest when they are confronted by Rampage. Pterri Flies away seemingly leaving his good friend for dead. Pee Wee has done his research and knows what this vicious transformers weakness is, and his weakness is Pee Wee’s greatest strength, Mindless Entertainment. As Pee Wee distracts Rampage with his act, Pterri swoops in and crushes the robot with a large bolder.

Pee Wee: Terri I love it when a plan comes together! HA HAA!

Pee Wee then hears what he described as a party off in the distance. Turns out Terrax has used his cosmic powers to create a huge Wrestling Ring in the middle of this forest. The Anti Monitor and Black Lantern Galactus have formed and intergalactic tag team and they are taking on all comers. Sif and the two remaining warriors are waiting outside the ring for there shot at glory. Currently The intergalactic super team are toying with Lord Katsumoto and Conan. The bodies of Edward and Bella Cullen, MacGuyver, Robin the Toy Wonder , and Dixie Kong are pilled up outside the ring. Pee Wee sneaks up behind Terrax who is acting as color commentator and snaps his neck. Pee Wee picks up the mic and begins giving his own brand of color commentating. This angers black lantern Galactus, so he picks Conan up by the ankle, rips his heart out and whips the corpse at Pterri killing him.

Pee Wee: TERRI NOOOOOOOOOOOO!


Black Lantern Galactus: Yea that’s what I thought. Its not so nice to have somebody just killin your lackeys for no reason is it a**hole.

Katsumoto tries to hit Galactus while his back is turned but he eats a big boot courtesy of the Anti Monitor. He then drops a elbow on the samurai master’s stomach, which causes his guts to squirt out of his mouth.

Anti Monitor: Alright I am getting board, you three get in here so we can end this.

Sif, Volstagg, and Fandral climb into the ring and are rushed by the two behemoths. Sif and Fandral move out of the way but Volstagg is hit with a close line from hell and then a double leg drop that kills him instantly. Fandral jumps onto the Anti Monitors back and tries to choke him but his hands are to small. The Anti-Monitor effortlessly plucks Fandral from his back and then explodes his head with a piledriver. Sif is giving Black Lantern Galactus all he can handle, She is moving to fast for him but then he lands a punch that stagers her for a second. Just as Galactus winds up for a follow up shot Pee Wee reaches in and pulls his legs out from underneath him. Sif tries to capitalize but the Anti Monitor Comes from behind and puts her in a full nelson, he is so much stronger than her, that when he applied pressure he tore her arms out of the sockets. Galactus drags Pee Wee into the ring and sets him up for the Doomsday Device. The move doesn’t kill Pee Wee but when Black Lantern Galactus rips out his heart and celebrates like stone cold. That not only kills him but ends his FFL career.

Sorry

The Dope Fiends Vs. The Super-Kitties and The Horsemen Vs. The Commandos will be up tomorrow night. I am truly sorry for the delay. I hope everyone had a Happy Easter!! Again, I am very sorry. I hope the matches will be worth the wait.

-Josh

Season Five Week Four: The Transfoamers vs Logical Genocide

The Transfoamers are: Megatron, The Fallen, Sentinel Prime, Movie Dreads: Crankcase, Hatchet, & Crowbar; Movie Shockwave & Driller; Movie Wreckers: Leadfoot, Roadbuster, & Topspin; Movie Mirage, Mystique, Movie Jolt, Movie Arcee, Movie Chromia, Movie Elita One, Jedi Master #50A and Odd Job.

Logical Genocide is: Ion (Kyle Rayner), Cosmic Spider-Man, Az-Rel, Nadira, The Pretender Monsters: Birdbrain, Bristleback, Scowl, Icepick, Slog & Wildfly; Predator #48 w/flesh rotting gun, Triceraton #1-5 (Stomp, Whomp, Thwomp, Pomp, & Carl) Cybertronian Guardian #9 "Cuddles,” Centurion #5 Jim Tebow in a Z-95 Headhunter, Wizard Nick Houslander, and Plastic Baby.



Prior to their match, team leaders, The Fallen and Sentinel Prime discuss their strategy and how they can gain their first victory of the season. Their plans rarely have a singular vision, as one is the living embodiment of pure darkness and the other is overtly heroic, which may be a reason for their team’s current struggles. As they continue to argue, a figure in the shadows of the Transfoamers’ locker room emerges and makes his presence felt and known quickly. Sentinel Prime is picked up by his throat and slammed through a massive table in the locker room, by Megatron.

“Ohh, Sentinel Prime, how quickly we forget our place in this universe,” growls Megatron closely into the Autobot’s audio sensors. “I would truly hate to have to make an example out of you yet again.” The Decepticon leader releases his grasp, stands up and speaks to the whole of the locker room. “All of you, your allegiances to the Decepticons, Autobots or any other factions that you may show loyalty to will cease from this moment on. You all will now bow before the mighty Megatron. A message is to be sent this day. You are all simply instruments of destruction. Victory shall be gained, regardless of its price.”

The locker room is silent. But then the pilot, Iceman, turns to Slider and asks, “What’d he say his name was?”

Megatron looks right at the pilot, grins and says, “Megatron.”

The entire locker room erupts with “MEGATRON!! LONG LIVE MEGATRON!!!” as the starting line-up leaves for battle.

Logical Genocide readies for their battle themselves, in hopes of getting this season back on track with what should be an easy victory over the currently winless Transfoamers. Nothing of much importance is spoken in their locker room (shocker, right?!) as they prepare for battle, just the normal mindless chatter between the five Triceratons as they continue to argue for the 38th straight week over which was the better Tom Cruise movie: Far and Away or Cocktail. Stomp and Pomp argue Cocktail, Whomp and Thwomp both maintain that Far and Away is far and away Cruise’s best movie, while Carl insists that The Money Pit is his best, even though the other four Triceratons continually remind him that Tom Hanks is in The Money Pit and not Tom Cruise.

Wizard Nick Houslander finally steps in and puts an end to the argument and tells the five of them “Listen guys, everyone knows Tom Cruise’s best movie is Days of Thunder so just drop it.”

They are then teleported to Jurassic Park courtesy of a transportation spell casted on all of them by Wizard Nick Houslander. Ion, Cosmic Spider-Man and the two Kryptonians instantly take flight and split up in an effort to divide and conquer. Nick, being very familiar with the terrain, as he’s watched the documentary, “How to Not Get Eaten by a Tyrannosaurus Rex” by Dr. Ian Malcolm, several dozen times, heads off by himself deep into the thick jungle. The wizard lights a cigarillo. The flame from the wooden stick match illuminates his unshaven face. As dawn begins to break, the new day’s sun begins to pierce through the thick foliage and we finally get a good look at the crown jewel of Logical Genocide’s Season Five Draft. Nick has a very distinctive appearance about him which consists of a battered brown hat with a telescope crown, pale blue shirt, dark blue jeans, tan boots, a sheepskin vest, and a patterned serape. He grips his long wizard’s staff as he slowly makes his way deeper and deeper into what he now realizes is the Tyrannosaur paddock. He then hears a sound that he was not expecting. The buzz of three crotch rocket engines fill the air as Movie Arcee, Chromia and Elita One all rip through the jungle and attack the wizard. Nick however is not traveling alone. The trees begin to violently shake as Cuddles, Cybertronian Guardian #9, stomps his way into battle. He quickly crushes Chromia as Wizard Nick fires a bolt of magic at Elita One, turning her metallic body into an exploding ball of nachos.

“Yeah…. That just happened,” quips Wizard Nick Houslander as he spins his staff around, pretending to be Ray Park.

Movie Arcee then tries to attack the wizard, but is incinerated by a powerful blast from the Cybertronian Guardian’s cannon.

“Thanks, Cuddles,” says Nick has he takes a long drag from his cigarillo. “Now I owe you one.” Nick then conjures a levitating spell to lift him up onto Cuddles’ shoulder as they leave the three broken and destroyed female Transformers.

A Z-95 Headhunter comes flying in, quickly passing by a flock of Pteradons as its pilot sings along to his favorite song.

“After chasing sunsets, one of life's simple joys, is playing with the boys…” sings Centurion #5, Jim Tebow.

Megatron sees the Headhunter coming in hot and leaps into action. He takes aim with his fusion cannon and quickly ends Jim Tebow’s fun. The Z-95 explodes into a fiery ball of mangled metal as is plummets to the island below. It crashes into a herd of Brachiosaurus, killing several of them in the process.

Meanwhile, out in the grassland portion of the island, the trio of Movie Wreckers are embroiled in a battle with the five Triceratons. Movie Mirage and Movie Jolt quickly arrive to even the score. The anthropomorphic triceratops are quite at home in this environment and are able to work together to take Movie Jolt out quickly. A herd of Gallimimus rush out from the thick foliage away from the giant gestalt, Monstructor, who burst through the tress after them. The horrific looking Decepticon snatches Movie Leadfoot and destroys him with a corrosive aura generated from his hands. Movie Mirage moves quickly and slashes his way through Whomp, Stomp and Carl before Thwomp is able to knock him down, which then allows Monstructor to grab the Autobot and eat him whole. Movie Roadbuster and Movie Topspin then take care of Thwomp and Pomp. The two Wreckers transform and peel out of there before Monstructor is able to finish them off as well. The ground beneath the gestalt begins to quake as Movie Driller erupts from the earth below and manages to take out both Scowl and Icepick. This attack causes Monstructor to fall apart and into the four remaining Pretender Monsters. Movie Shockwave comes out of Driller and blasts the head clean off of Birdbrain before both he and Driller retreat to the underground.

Megatron calmly and purposefully stalks his way down the road of Jurassic Park, where he then finds himself face to face with an angry Tyrannosaurs Rex. Megatron quickly grabs a hold of the dinosaur and snaps his neck without even breaking stride. The T-Rex’s limp carcass falls to the ground with a mighty thud which gains the attention of the duo of Az-Rel and Nadira. This however, proves to be a trap set by Megatron. Nadira’s own telekinesis is overpowered by The Fallen’s and Az-Rel’s pyrokenisis is fairly useless as well on The Fallen, considering he’s constantly engulfed in flames as well. Sentinel Prime and Megatron then combine their forces as The Fallen holds off the two Kryptonians. They fall under the trio’s might.

Megatron lets out a small laugh and says, “This was almost too easy Sentinel.”

But before Sentinel Prime can respond to his new lord and master, there is a massive flash of green light in the sky as Ion, joined with Cosmic Spider-Man fly in to end Megatron’s thus far, short reign of terror.

“Dreads!!! Attack!” shouts Megatron as Movie Crankcase, Movie Hatchet, and Movie Crowbar transform and rush the two cosmic beings. Cosmic Spider-Man wastes no time and obliterates the three vicious Decepticons. Megatron the leaps into the air as Movie Shockwave and Driller erupt once more from the ground and attack Ion. Movie Driller consumes Ion whole, but is soon blown apart be a bright ball of green energy. Ion then rips through Movie Shockwave as Cosmic Spider-Man goes after The Fallen. The Fallen sees the cosmic web-slinger coming at him and teleports away. This however, opens up Cosmic Spider-Man to a full powered, point blank range blast from Megatron’s fusion cannon, vaporizing him instantly. The Fallen then reappears and smacks Ion down out of the sky. He flies right for Kyle, but is ripped apart by a barrage of green energy. Ion then turns his attention to Megatron and Sentinel Prime. He focuses all his will power and begins to glow brighter and brighter.

Megatron then grabs a hold of Sentinel Prime and says, “Remember, I said at ANY price.” He then hurls Sentinel Prime right at Ion, takes aim and blasts his own teammate with his fusion cannon. The resulting explosion kills both Sentinel Prime and Ion.

The remaining two Movie Wreckers drive in after seeing the massive explosion. Mystique, Jedi Master #50A and Odd Job all climb out of Movie Roadbuster and Movie Topspin to survey the damage. The blast even knocks Megatron back into the trees. Once he regains his footing, he sees an ally from his old team, The Untouchables.

“Ahh, Mystique. I may have some use for you,” says Megatron as he transforms into his Walther P38 gun mode as Mystique catches him and places him in her holster. Odd Job is then struck by a shot from the streets. He crumples to the ground and screams in agony as his very flesh begins to rot while he’s still alive. The pain is so unbearable, he eventually goes into shock and passes out, but he soon succumbs to his wounds. Jedi Master #50A senses Odd Job’s killer in the trees and uses the Force to yank him down. Predator #48’s cloaking devices is damaged by the fall from the tree, but he quickly gets back to his feet and fires several shots at the Jedi Master, who blocks them with his lightsaber. The three remaining Pretender Monsters follow the sounds of war and join the battle as well. They collide with Movie Roadbuster and Movie Topspin as Mystique silently slips away in search of Wizard Nick Houslander and his Cybertronian Guardian friend. The Jedi Master and Predator continue to battle as the five Transformers clash all around them. The Predator manages to wound the Jedi with his dual claws, but is stabbed himself in the abdomen by his lightsaber. The Predator then sets his self destruct bomb, though unbeknownst to his nearby teammates. The resulting explosion kills all in the area.

Mystique makes her way towards the main building as the plume of smoke rises from the Predator’s explosion. She sees a couple Velocirpators lying dead near the entrance with some strange plastic goo spilling out from their jaws. Upon closer inspection, she realizes that they attacked and tried to eat Plastic Baby, and though they succeeded in killing the useless character, they too died. Mystique sees Cuddles, the Cybertronian Guardian, standing in front of the entrance to the building. She draws Megatron from her holster and fires. The blast is so powerful, it rips right through the protective helmet of Cuddles and blows a hole right out the back of his head (JFK style). The massive transformer drops to his knees and falls with an enormous thud.

Mystique re-holsters Megatron and enters the building. There, she sees Wizard Nick Houslander lighting, yet another cigarillo. He slowly raises his head as he flick the stick match to the ground. His squinted eyes barely peer past the brow of his hat as he focuses in on the blue-skinned mutant. He flips his poncho over his shoulder and quickly fires a bolt of magic from his staff. Mystique leaps out of the way just in time and races up the twisting stairs. She springboards off of the wall and spin kicks Wizard Nick over the railing, bouncing him off of the tyrannosaurs skeleton. She leaps down to Nick. The Wizard sweeps Mystique’s feet out from underneath her and moves in to finish her off. Mystique however rolls back to her feet and does something quite unexpected. She unlatches her white halter top and exposes her voluptuous blue-hued breasts to Wizard Nick, who is now paralyzed with lust. She grabs a hold of him and kisses him. Unable to withstand this unforeseen attack, Wizard Nick Houslander is now defenseless to Mystique silently drawing Megatron from her holster and blasting a hole right through Nick’s torso. Megatron then transforms in to his robot mode and fires a victory shot through the roof of the building,

Season 5, Week 4: Xavier's Annihilation Squad vs. Brock Sampson's Fighting Murderflies

“I pity the fool who goes out tryin' a' take over da world, then runs home cryin' to his momma!”
-B.A. Baracas

I look upon the teams which will do battle in this Season 5, Week 4 Match located in Jurassic
Park. They are as follows:

Xavier's Annihilation Squad: Gorilla Grodd, Mighty Joe Young, Dilophosaurs #21-23, Allosaurs #21-23, Geoforce, Feral, Beast, Ewok #50, Ninja Gaiden, A-Team: Hannibal Smith with halberd, B.A. with Atlas and heat axe, Face and Howlin Mad Murdock in a tie bomber, Swift (Authority) and Colonel John Matrix in Iron Man suit.

Brock Samson's Fighting Murderflies: Ewoks #12-40, The Maxx, Julie Winters - The Jungle Queen, Blair Witch, Jareth - the Goblin King, Dobby, Etrigan the Demon, Black Panther with John Stewart's Green Lantern Ring, Odin, Forge, Red Power Ranger: Jason, Black Power Ranger: Zack, Yellow Power Ranger: Trini, Pink Power Ranger: Kimberly, Moon Knight, The Wu-Tang Clan: O.D.B wit Red Lantern Ring, RZA with Pokeball, GZA, Method Man with laser gun, Raekwon, Ghost Face Killah with Starwand, Inspectah Deck, U-God with M202A1 FLASH Rocket Launcher, Masta Killa with laser sword and Cappadonna.

Let the battle begin. . .
Ewoks #12-40 walk together, strutting their stuff, knowing that they are not only one of the most formidable combatants within Jurassic Park in this match, but that they are, in fact, one of the most brutal forces this FFL week. The terror wrought upon the enemy knows no bounds. . . until they are sprung upon by Dilophosaurs #21-23 and Allosaurs #21-23. The Dilophosaurs open their crests, spit venom at the Endor natives and then attack. The Allosaurs simply scoop the Ewoks up in their mouths and crunch the bodies between their teeth. The Ewoks actually manage to kill Allosaurus #23 and Dilophosaurs #21 and 22. Nonetheless, Ewoks #12-40 a/k/a “Endor Deathsquad” are all killed in the melee.

The entire Mighty Morphin Power Ranger team scours the battlefield for their enemy. They look ahead and see Ryu Hyabusa-Ninja Gaiden; he is a worthy adversary. The entire Power Ranger team attacks Ninja Gaiden. At the onset of the match, Black Power Ranger: Zack is killed by Ninja Gaiden. [This is, of course, a normal scenario that
transpires in any FFL match- “the black guy always dies”]. In a frenzy of Red, Yellow, and Pink, Ninja Gaiden is struck down and killed. The Rangers face “the camera” as NG falls to the ground. An incredible explosion is seen behind the team. They realize that this effect is not the typical PR special and begin to run away as a tie bomber piloted by Howlin’ Mad Murdock (wearing 3D glasses) releases its weaponry. The bombs finally find their marks and decimate the Red and Yellow Rangers, whose body parts litter the forest and bomber’s windshield.

HMM: You should see these bombs, explosions and body parts in 3D!

He notices that Kimberly, the Pink Ranger managed to escape. Murdock is instantly smitten with the attractive girl and does not notice Black Panther and O.D.B. flying next to him. The two
Murderflies hold true to their name and bombard the fighter with colored projectiles, used by the lantern rings currently worn by both. Murdock bails out, but the tie bomber is destroyed. Murdock lands on the ground and is met by the rest of the A-Team members.

Julie Winters - the Jungle Queen, crouches on a branch, looking for prey. She senses her protector, the Maxx close by. She sees Ewok #50 creeping on the jungle’s floor. She leaps off her branch and lands squarely on Ewok #50’s head. The force of the blow causes the furball to crash onto the floor, opening his head like as a soft boiled egg on the ground. Ewok #50 is dead. As Winters turns around, Feral pounces on her and uses her claws to rip Winters apart. Maxx rushes to the scene and howls at his woman’s death. The enraged Maxx rips Feral apart, although he also suffers severe injuries due to Feral’s skills. Maxx turns around and sees Mighty Joe Young. The large ape quarters Maxx and bathes in Maxx’s blood.

Jareth-the Goblin King and the Blair Witch focus on the A-Team. Jareth is heard singing to himself as he sees B.A.

Jareth: Chubby little loser. . . Pathetic little fat man. . .

As he sings, Jareth creates crystal orbs from his hands. The orbs are transported in front of the A-Team by Dobby. Smith, Face, B.A. and Murdock are about to walk over the orbs when suddenly each man becomes bewitched as they are driven to pick them up. Murdock looks into the orb and sees the Pink Ranger in her tight outfit. Murdock lowers his orb to see his beloved, the Pink Ranger in front of him. He smiles; she kills him. Grodd storms to the skirmish and uses his psionic abilities to snap the A-Team out of it. He then sees Dobby, slowly tip-toeing away.

Dobby: On my way now!

Before Dobby can teleport, Grodd reaches the Potter elf and rips him apart. B.A., Face and Smith clear their heads and immediately fire upon Jareth and kill him. In return, the Blair Witch races at Face and strikes him dead. Geoforce then flies to the scene and projects a lava blast which engulfs the witch.

Geoforce: Better than the Salem Witch Trials.

B.A. uses all his strength to throw his heat axe, killing the Pink Ranger. Moon Knight then comes to his teammates’ aid and throws his moon-a-rangs at B.A. The weapons slice B.A., with the last one killing the afraid-of-flying soldier as it embeds itself in his skull.

Across the way, Dilophosaurus #23 jumps out of the bushes and spits its venom at Raekwon. Raekwon screams and begins to bat at his head as the venom courses through his system.

Cappadonna: Raekwon be trippin’!!!!

In response to their member’s drug ride, Masta Killa and Method Man come to his aid.

Method Man: Gonna put a cap in yo’ gecko ass!

Method Man fires his laser gun and strikes Dilophosaurus #21. Masta Killa uses his laser sword to deal the death blow to the dinosaur.

Inspectah Deck and RZA focus on their frenzied friend when all of a sudden Allosaurs #21 and 22 storm out of the shrubbery. Inspectah Deck and RZA jump out of the way as the two dinosaurs focus on Raekwon and rip him apart. In the end, Raekwon’s upper torso winds up in the belly of Allosaurus #21 while his bottom torso is consumed by Allosaurus #22. As the Allosaurs then focus on Inspectah Deck and RZA, U-God with his M202A1 FLASH Rocket Launcher unleashes a missile down the gullet of Allosaurus #21 and destroys the beast, while O.D.B. uses his red lantern ring to shear off the head of Allosaurus #22.

Black Panther flies through the brush, anticipating his role in the new battle. He is taken off guard as Etrigan jumps from the branches above and lands on BP’s back.

Etrigan: Like a pain on my a$$,
Its pimple comes to a head;
Squeeze the puss out,
Leave the pustule dead!

Etrigan jerks the head back of BP and breaks his neck. Etrigan then leaps off and catches a branch. The demon then rushes to the final melee, seeing Hannibal on the ground below.

As Hannibal reaches the battle, he sees GZA.

Hannibal Smith: I love it when a plan comes together!

Smith uses his halbeard to kill GZA, who crumples to the ground. Masta Killa then manages to use his laser sword to gut Smith.

Both Grodd and Joe join the fray. RZA attempts to use his Pokeball, but Grodd manages to force it down the rapper’s throat. The object becomes lodged in his esophagus and he dies, swallowing his own vomit. Meanwhile. Mighty Joe Young does what comes naturally to the beast and
tears apart Inspectah Deck. Additionally, Beast has now come to the fray. He locates Moon Knight and crushes his skull with a blow to the head.

Colonel John Matrix flies in with his Iron Man armor. He looks at the remaining Wu Tang Clan members. He points to O.D.B.

Colonel John Matrix: I like you O.D.B. That’s why I kill you last.

Matrix turns to see U-God with his M202A1 FLASH Rocket Launcher facing him.

Matrix: That’s my weapon!

Matrix unleashes a rocket from his armor that, with pinpoint accuracy, strikes the M202A1. The concussion of the blast creates a chain reaction and the missile contained in the weapon also explodes. U-God is disintegrated and with him, Cappadonna is killed also.

Forge is now at the skirmish. He uses his mutant ability to locate the “weak” point of the armor. He runs to O.D.B., who nods his head in understanding. As O.D.B. rises, he fails to see the bird-like Swift race to the scene, killing Forge. Nonetheless, O.D.B. uses the information given to him by Forge to approach Matrix.

Matrix: O.D.B. Remember when I said I’d kill you last? I lied.

As Matrix is about to fire at O.D.B., O.D.B. uses his ring to strike the armor at the proper point. Like “shooting womprats on Tatooine,” O.D.B. manages to open the release to the helmet of Matrix’s armor. O.D.B. then pulverizes Matrix’s face with his ring.

Etrigan the Demon faces Beast.

Etrigan: A beast you may be,
But a demon you are not;
Time to crush you furry friend,
And beat out of you the snot.

Etrigan projects hellfire from his body and kills Beast.

Swift and Geoforce fly around the Clan. Method Man attempts to use his laser gun on Swift, but his blasts cannot catch the quick flier. Swift easily dispels with Method Man. Meanwhile, Ghost Face Killah attempts to use his Starwand and Masta Killa attempts to use his laser sword on Geoforce to no avail. The Markovian uses his gravitational control to force both to their knees. He then deals deathblows to each. Etrigan joins the players in this match and actually manages to catch Swift. He smiles at his new prey.

Etrigan: A bi-sexual gal you may be,
But a demon lover you won’t see;
Your death comes now,
You Buddhist Tibetan cow.

Etrigan kills Swift. He turns around to see O.D.B. and finally, Odin, standing with him. The trio face Geoforce, Gorilla Grodd and Mighty Joe Young.

Odin: I am the King of the Asgardian Gods. You are but a pair of monkeys.

Odin unleashes his full fury upon the duo of Grodd and Young. The two drop dead where they stand. Geoforce, as the lone member of the Squad to remain, gulps. He never completely swallows the air as Etrigan and O.D.B. kill him (with a little help from Odin).

Season 5: Week 4: Team Sleeping Pussy vs Beckerman's Backyardigans Beeyaatches

Team Sleeping Pussy is:
Ka-Zar & Zabu, Wildcat, Moss Man, Den, Dark Beast, Black Cat, Blink, Giant Man, Leia Organa, Jedi, SHIELD Agent #6, Female Sentinel #10, Velociraptor #'s 31-35, Compsognathus #'s 54-60

Beckerman's Backyardigans Beeyaatches is:
Victory Leo, Star Saber, Chaos King, Oblivion, Lord Chaos, Dracula, Fafnir, Yellow Lantern Bryan Beckerman, Wesley Windham Price

Backyardigans Headquarters

Chaos King: “Sup Alexis!”

Wesley Windham Price: (Mumbling under his breath) “Oh god…Hey King, how are you?”

Chaos King: “Oh come man, just call me Chaos.”

WWP: “Is there something you wanted.”

CK: “Oh you know, just wanted to say hey.”

WWP: "Okay, hey.”

CK: “How’s Ally doing?”

WWP: (Groaning) “For the hundredth time, I don’t know any Ally.”

CK: “Yeah man, you know I loved her in those Pie movies. Hey (Whispering to him) she ever let you use that flute on her in real life?”

WWP: “I as usual have no idea what you are referring to, now I have to prepare for this…”

CK: “I bet that thing smelled crazy afterwards. Oh hey, I know I’ve told you in the past man but that last episode of Angel where you died and Illyeria was holding you and asking you if you wanted her to turn back into Fred and you finally let her…holy shit man, I was crying like a little bitch.”

WWP: “If you are referring to when I actually died then yes, you have told me about it. It seems to be the only thing that you ever want to talk about. I am leaving now to prepare for the match, so please leave me alone.”

CK: (Laughing) “Yeah man, have a good one. Tell Ally I said hi!”

Wesley walks down the hall and flips the Chaos King the bird as he is walking away.

CK: (Still Laughing) “That guy's hilarious man.”


Sleeping Pussy Headquarters:

Leia Organa: “Come on people, we can win this match. The Backyardigans are going to be a wreck. Pablo’s death really knocked them on their butts this week. I say we strike em early and often. We are strong enough to be able to give the Doctor and the Silver Surfer the time they need to win this thing.”

Dark Beast: “Ahhh yeah, I don’t know if you heard but their not fighting with us this week.”

Leia: “Are you f#$%ing kidding me!”


Welcome, to Jurassic Park!

Den is riding in the front seat of the Ford Explorer taking in the sights of the Park. Black Cat is in the passenger seat of the car, well, her feet are in the seat as she is taking in the sights of Den’s nether regions. Blink and Leia are in the back seat trying to keep their attention on anything other then what is occurring right in front of them.

Den: “My goodness Felicia, you are one hell of a burglar because I think you just emptied me out.”

Black Cat just smiled and looked back at her fellow teammates.

Black Cat: “Okay girls, who wants next?”

Both Blink and Leia look at her with a look of disgust that quickly fades into a smile.

Leia: “Screw it, Den get back here and I’ll show you what a real women is like.”

Back in the other Explorer, Wildcat, Dark Beast and SHIELD Agent #6 are sitting there just staring into the car.

Wildcat: “This sucks man, why does Den always get the women.”

Dark Beast: “What, do you really think if you were in that car anything would actually be happening?”

Wildcat: “I don’t know, but it sure beats being in here with you guys.”

SHIELD Agent #6: “Oh come on, I didn’t know Leia was that flexible.”

Wildcat: “She is a Jedi after all.”

SA #6: “I guess that’s one way to use the force.”

Back in the other car

Leia: “And that’s how it’s done ladies.”

Blink: “That ain’t how it’s done, switch me spots you Jedi bitch, I’ll show you something that you ain’t ever gonna forget.”

What happened next surely was special but I’m not going to give out the details. Let me just say that she was in two places at once and so was he. It was oddly hot but slightly devastating on my overall mental state. After that was all done with I kind of figured Den would be finished for a bit but instead he opened up the car door and just left.

Den: “Well ladies, it’s been fun but I think I’ve done all that I can here. You have a lovely rest of the match.”

Leia: “Where are going to go?”

Den: “We came here with a lady sentinel and though I’m not sure what I can do with that, I’m gonna need to find out.”

Black Cat: “Well have fun I guess.”

All three ladies look pretty embarrassed but I don’t really know why. I mean, it happens to the best of us.

Anyways, after Den left to go find his giant mechanical lady friend the air in the area that the cars were in changed. I kind of figured it was a dinosaur, this being Jurassic Park and all but instead it was a giant dragon. Fafnir dropped in front of the girls’ car and brought enough fire down on their car that would have made Janet Reno happy. Wildcat and his bud’s got out of their car only to find the torched remains of their teammates.

The Three of them then attacked the beastly dragon. SHIELD Agent #6 was easily dispatched of with a quick swipe from his massive paw, while Dark Beast and Wildcat were running towards the back of him. There they were hoping to catch him off guard but before they were even able to a thing Wildcat noticed something out of the corner of his eye.

Wildcat: “What is that?”

Dark Beast: “I’m not sure but it looks like a light saber.”

Wildcat: “It’s Leia, she made it out. LEIA, get over here.”

Dark Beast: “How can this be? We watched her die in the car, there’s no way she was able to get out.”

Wildcat: “She’s a Jedi you idiot. Come on Leia, we need your help.”

Dark Beast: “Why does this seem like a trick? You notice how she is running towards us but is not gaining any ground.”

Wildcat: “Yeah, she’s probably just farther away from us the we originally thought.”

While these two were in a discussion about whether or not their obviously dead friend was still alive, Fafnir had managed to turn completely around and was now just staring directly at the two Sleeping Pussy members.

Fafnir: “You genius’s figure it out yet?”

Wildcat: “Oh shit, let’s get the f#$% out of here. Leia, get moving the other way.”

Dark Beast: “Wait a second, Leia’s obviously not real. Was that your handy work?”

Fafnir: “Not bad huh?”

Dark Beast: “No, not bad at all.”

The two of them stared at each other for about ten seconds when all of a sudden the dragon just said, “Well okay then” and torched the two SP members. They each ran towards the dragon while on fire and did manage to get a couple good hits on him but it was already too late as they eventually were burned alive.

Fafnir: “Well that was ridiculously easy.”

The dragon then heard a noise coming from around him in all directions. He started torching the forest when out of nowhere the SP Velociraptors and Compy’s attacked him on all sides. The Dragon was much bigger and stronger then the dinosaurs but after a good five minutes of fighting there was one velociraptor standing next to the torn up body of Fafnir. The raptor was from what I can tell #34 (I think) and he was now walking with a limp. It was a victory (finally) for Team Sleeping Pussy, but at a great cost that was going to be difficult to bounce back from.

At the other end of the park Ka-Zar and Zabu were looking for an enemy to fight. They along with Moss-Man felt completely at home in the jungle landscape of Jurassic Park. They had set traps all over the place and had been feasting on some dino meat that they had caught. They were getting ready to go out on another hunt when out of the blue they noticed a very nicely dressed man walking down one of the walkways.

I’m not a hundred percent sure how or why Wesley Windham Price was out here on his own but he seemed to be mumbling something to himself. It sounded something like “I’d rather die alone then team with”; well it was something like that.

(Two Hours Earlier)

Oblivion: “Okay Wesley, you and the Chaos King will be teaming up for this one.”

Chaos King: “All right my man, we gonna tear this place apart.”

WWP: “I would genuinely rather die alone then team with this man or whatever he is.”

CK: “This dude kills me, seriously.”

WWP: “I’m serious, let me go by myself. I am meaningless to this team anyways. I don’t even know why I’m going.”

CK: “You serious bro? I thought we was tight?”

WWP: “Stop talking like that, are you not a god?”

CK: “God like yo!”

WWP: “I’m walking this way, do not follow me.”

CK: “Whatever independent man, have fun.”

(Back at Ka-Zar’s)

Ka-Zar: “No need to extend this man’s life. You want him or can I do it?”

Zabu: “He is all your’s.”

KA-Zar then sent an arrow directly in the gut of the former watcher, sending him down to the ground in pain. Ka-Zar then sent another arrow right next to the one previously implanted in his chest, sending another surge of pain through his body.

Ka-Zar: “Now Mr. Price it is time for you to die.”

Chaos King: “Not if I’s got something to say about it.”

The Chaos King was wearing Zabu’s skin as a coat as he picked up Ka-Zar by the throat and crushed his neck, killing him. The Chaos King then got down on the ground with Wesley who was going to be dead soon.

WWP: “Why are you here?”

CK: “I’ve been following you the entire time.”

WWP: “Then how did this happen, why didn’t you stop this from even occurring?”

CK: “I don’t know, I turned my head I guess.”

WWP: “You are the worst god of all time. Do you even have any powers? Other then maybe your power to annoy and sound like an imbecile?”

CK: “I got tons of powers man, I’ll show back in the locker room some time.”

WWP: “Show me it in the match you idiot. Well not me I mean because I’ll be dead soon enough but don’t wait to show us your powers back home.”

As Wesley says this he is coughing up blood and falls completely to the ground.

CK: “You all right man?”

WWP: “Of course I’m not all right, I have two arrows in my chest and I’m coughing up blood. If I’m not mistaken, I believe I am dying.”

CK: (With a huge grin and then a large frown) “Just like in the series finale of Angel.”

Wesley just groans and wishes he would die already.

CK: “Would you like me to pretend I am Winifred or would you prefer me to pretend like I’m Ally?”

WWP: “I hate you, I really really hate you.”

CK: “You wanted to see my power right, we’ll hear we go.”

Suddenly the Chaos King makes himself look like Winifred Burkle (or Amy Acker for those of you in the real world, not that anyone past Goofatu and Bryatu will have any idea what this is in reference to)

Chaos King (Winifred Burkle): “Hold on Wesley, I love you so much.”

WWP: “I have no idea how to take this. Oh what the hell, I love you too.”

The two of them make-out for a while but before Wesley fully slips away he transform back into the Chaos King, making Wesley spit out blood on the retarded cosmic being.

WWP: “F#$# You.”

CK: “I hope it was as good for you as it was for me.”

As Wesley finally died the confusion pulsing through his head was far too much to take. He couldn’t tell if the Chaos King was coming on to him or if he was just doing it to be funny. Either way Wesley was beyond happy that he was finally going to die. As his final breath left him, the Chaos King just sat there laughing to himself.

CK: “I love that guy, can’t wait to see him back home. Ah, whatever. Let’s end this thing.”

Meanwhile…

Bryan Beckerman: “Suck on my yellow ring Giant Man:”

Giant Man: “Oh my god, take that thing off. Aren’t you supposed to wear it on your hand?”

Bryan Beckerman: “I find that it is better put to use on other places.”

BB then uses his ring to coat Giant Man in a massive flood of yellow energy, an energy that he is barely able to survive.

BB: “How’d you like that Hank?”

Moss Man: “About as much as you’re gonna like this.”

Moss Man then engulfs the yellow lantern member in a sea of vegetation. BB fights and struggles his way out of the never-ending jungle until he has exhausted his rings power. With an exhausted ring on him he is no match for the two SP members.

Giant Man: “You got any last words or are you going to go out like a bitch, you know, like Pablo did.”

BB: “F#*$ YOU YOU F*#$ing F#$@!!!!!”

Giant Man then crushes the evil attorney and Moss Man chuckles a little as he sees Beckerman’s now limp ring-wearing member.

Moss Man: “You really knocked that thing down to size.”

Moss Man was laughing at his own stupid joke when out of nowhere he felt a slight pain in his neck that was occompynied by a feeling of lightheadedness. He then fell to the ground only to look up and find Dracula staring back down at him.

Dracula: “My goodness you taste awful, oh well then.”

Dracula then with the speed of light finished off the job of draining Moss Man of everything he had. Giant Man naturally was angered greatly by this act but was far too slow to catch the dark one before he could get at him.

Giant Man: “Get back here you cap wearing puff.”

Giant Man then looked around him only to see himself surrounded by three God like creatures. The next chain of events is a little hard to describe, as The Chaos King, Oblivion and Lord Chaos never once spoke a single word to each other. What I can tell you is that all of a sudden Giant Man was no longer there and then he was back, only when he returned he was beaten so severely that he might as well have been dead. Soon enough he was, as Oblivion just stood there and smiled as he very slowly crushed Giant Man’s head until it was no longer there. It looked quite painful so I am hoping for his sake that he was unconscious for the majority of it. The God’s all smiled at each other and then took off towards the only threat left in this match.

The Female Sentinel stood tall over the dinosaur theme park, wondering what was climbing up her leg. Soon enough she was face to face with a teammate of hers, one who looked like he had something other then fighting on his mind.

Female Sentinel #10: “What brings you all the way here to my level?”

Den: “Well I’d say it was for a strategy meeting but I don’t think we have much time for small talk. I’ve noticed you for a while and I just need to find out if there is any way we can make this happen.”

FS #10: “In what is this in reference to?”

Den: “Look, I’m a man with needs and although you are made of metal, I have to say that your breasts just do it for me. I mean, looks at these things, they’re massive and gravity will never have any effect on them. I hope I’m not being to crass for you, but I want to be on you.”

FS #10 begins to blush and wants to say something in return but is speechless. She understands completely what he is looking for but is saddened by the fact that such an act would be impossible. Then like a light bulb exploding above her head she thinks of something that is so crazy it doesn’t seem possible that it came from a robot.

FS #10: “There is only one way for us to go through with this.”

Den: “Yeah, whatever it is just say it.”

FS #10: “You need to get everybody to attack me at once and destroy me.”

Den: “What!?!”

FS #10: “Just do as I say and I promise you we can make this happen.”

Den: “No, I won’t let that happen. Not even I want to risk losing this match for this.”

FS #10: “You know as well as I do that we had no chance in this match. As soon as we knew you were going to be the only exposed penis in this match we knew what the outcome would be.”

Den: “So what should I do then?”

FS #10: “Make sure they destroy me something fierce. It will kill me but if everything goes as planned you and I are going to make history.”

Den: (Hesitation in his voice) “Okay, I hope you know what you are doing.”

FS #10: “Just trust me. Now get to safety as soon as you can.”

Den: “Will do.”

Den begins to walk away when he asks. “What should I do after you are gone?”

FS #10: “Just lay low and I’ll find you.”

Den is utterly confused but trusts his teammate. He then flees through the park and hides inside a small cave.

FS #10: “I’m over here boys, come get some.”

The Sentinel then begins to shoot energy blasts in every direction in an attempt to get as much attention as possible. It works very quickly because before she realizes it, every single member of the Backyardigans surrounds her. The Chaos King, Oblivion and Lord Chaos are all still together and Victory Leo and Star Saber have combined forces to form Victory Saber. Dracula is nearby but he knows that this is not his fight so he stays in the background.

The remaining forces of B3 set their sights on the Sentinel who is just standing her ground waiting for their attack.

FS #10: “Shoot me you pussies, what are you waiting for!!!!”

The B3 members waste no more time as Victory Saber and the three god like creatures unleash holy hell on the female mechanical mutant hunter. It takes only a matter of moments before the once massive Sentinel is reduced to a mere scrap heap.

Chaos King: “All right, we won this bitch.”

Oblivion: “It is not over yet, there are still more battles to fight.”

Chaos King: “What you talkin’ bout, this bitch be over.”

As he says this, a raptor jumps out at Dracula who had been creeping around some trees. The raptor manages to take a bite out of his mid-section but soon enough the dark one has snapped the dinosaurs neck.

Dracula: “Well now I think we are good.”

Oblivion: “Not quite yet, there is still one more battle to fight.”


Den had been waiting patiently in his cave and was beginning to wonder what was taking so long. Many thoughts had been going through his head. Part of him was regretting the decision to just let one of his teammates die like that but there was another part of him that was so excited by the fact of 'making it’ with a machine.

Den was just about to lose the faith when he began to hear some noise coming very quickly towards him. He peaked his head out of the cave and noticed something coming towards him. He braced himself for the worst but then noticed a mechanical creature heading towards him with the same sort of appearance as his teammate.

FS #10: “Sorry about the wait, it took longer to find you then I originally planned on.”

Den: “How did you do this?”

FS #10: “I knew if I was destroyed I would be able to reconfigure myself into something else as long as I did it quickly enough. If they would have been paying attention to me they would have easily noticed, but thankfully our Raptor friend attacked at the perfect time. Giving me the privacy to do what I needed to do by myself, which will allow us the time we'll need to do this to each other.”

Den: “So how do you want to handle this?”

FS #10: “Just leave it all to me.”


Chaos King: “Why you bein’ so vague Oby, where the hell is this final fight?”

Oblivion: “It is over by that small system of caves but something tells me that we should wait a bit before we engage.”

CK: “Well screw that, I’m going there right now.”

Oblivion: “Suit yourself but you are not going to like what you see.”

CK: “I like everything I see.”

Oblivion: “What?”

CK: “See ya later Oby.”

The Chaos King then took off towards the cave and as he arrived at the cave he heard noises coming from it. The noises were that of the passionate variety and as soon as the Chaos King peaked his head around the corner he was overly joyed by the fact that he didn’t listen to his teammate.

Chaos King: “Oh hell yeah Den, I got next.”

Den was completely taken aback by the sudden appearance of the Chaos King but he was also so far gone in his current situation that he only slightly cared.

Chaos King: “Hey don’t mind me, I’m just hear for the grand finale.”

The Chaos King enjoyed watching this incredibly disturbing and honestly painful looking sex act. After it was all over with both Sleeping Pussy members looked quite exhausted and very pleased. The Chaos King was kind of confused at this point as he had no desire to kill either of them.

Den: “So you gonna kill us or what?”

Chaos King: “You want me to kill you?”

Den: “To be honest, I don’t care because even though you guys are coming away with a victory here today, I’m pretty sure that were the ones that feel like winners. Well, at least I do, I can’t speak for her.”

FS #10: “Well, I can at least say that we did it.”

Den: “Whatttt? You didn’t have fun?”

FS #10: “Let’s just say that I’ve had better.”

Den: “No way, now way someone else can do what I just did.”

FS #10: “Look I’m sorry but last time I didn’t have to be completely destroyed for me to get mine.”

Den: “Who was it?”

FS #10: “All I’m going to say is that it isn’t just the size that matters, it’s also the color.”

Den: “That blue donged son of a bitch.”

Out of nowhere Oblivion appeared to the surprise of everyone.

Oblivion: “What are these two still doing alive?”

Chaos King: “I was lettin’ them do their thang.”

Oblivion: “Well, let’s let them do their “Thang” somewhere else.”

It took less then a second for Oblivion to dispatch Den and the reconfigured Sentinel to another realm of existence. Oblivion then looked over at the Chaos King with a look of mild disgust.

Chaos King: “What you lookin at?”

Oblivion: “You realize you’re a disgrace to our team right?”

Chaos King: “You’re the disgrace.”

Oblivion: “Do you have anything to back up that statement or is that all?”

Chaos King: “You back up the statement.”

Oblivion: “This may be the first time I’ve ever been bummed out with a victory just knowing that I have to share it with you.”

Chaos King: “Whatev’s, peace out fool.”

The Chaos King then disappeared, leaving Oblivion alone with his thoughts, which he will gladly take over spending one more moment with him.