Season Five Week Four: The Transfoamers vs Logical Genocide

The Transfoamers are: Megatron, The Fallen, Sentinel Prime, Movie Dreads: Crankcase, Hatchet, & Crowbar; Movie Shockwave & Driller; Movie Wreckers: Leadfoot, Roadbuster, & Topspin; Movie Mirage, Mystique, Movie Jolt, Movie Arcee, Movie Chromia, Movie Elita One, Jedi Master #50A and Odd Job.

Logical Genocide is: Ion (Kyle Rayner), Cosmic Spider-Man, Az-Rel, Nadira, The Pretender Monsters: Birdbrain, Bristleback, Scowl, Icepick, Slog & Wildfly; Predator #48 w/flesh rotting gun, Triceraton #1-5 (Stomp, Whomp, Thwomp, Pomp, & Carl) Cybertronian Guardian #9 "Cuddles,” Centurion #5 Jim Tebow in a Z-95 Headhunter, Wizard Nick Houslander, and Plastic Baby.



Prior to their match, team leaders, The Fallen and Sentinel Prime discuss their strategy and how they can gain their first victory of the season. Their plans rarely have a singular vision, as one is the living embodiment of pure darkness and the other is overtly heroic, which may be a reason for their team’s current struggles. As they continue to argue, a figure in the shadows of the Transfoamers’ locker room emerges and makes his presence felt and known quickly. Sentinel Prime is picked up by his throat and slammed through a massive table in the locker room, by Megatron.

“Ohh, Sentinel Prime, how quickly we forget our place in this universe,” growls Megatron closely into the Autobot’s audio sensors. “I would truly hate to have to make an example out of you yet again.” The Decepticon leader releases his grasp, stands up and speaks to the whole of the locker room. “All of you, your allegiances to the Decepticons, Autobots or any other factions that you may show loyalty to will cease from this moment on. You all will now bow before the mighty Megatron. A message is to be sent this day. You are all simply instruments of destruction. Victory shall be gained, regardless of its price.”

The locker room is silent. But then the pilot, Iceman, turns to Slider and asks, “What’d he say his name was?”

Megatron looks right at the pilot, grins and says, “Megatron.”

The entire locker room erupts with “MEGATRON!! LONG LIVE MEGATRON!!!” as the starting line-up leaves for battle.

Logical Genocide readies for their battle themselves, in hopes of getting this season back on track with what should be an easy victory over the currently winless Transfoamers. Nothing of much importance is spoken in their locker room (shocker, right?!) as they prepare for battle, just the normal mindless chatter between the five Triceratons as they continue to argue for the 38th straight week over which was the better Tom Cruise movie: Far and Away or Cocktail. Stomp and Pomp argue Cocktail, Whomp and Thwomp both maintain that Far and Away is far and away Cruise’s best movie, while Carl insists that The Money Pit is his best, even though the other four Triceratons continually remind him that Tom Hanks is in The Money Pit and not Tom Cruise.

Wizard Nick Houslander finally steps in and puts an end to the argument and tells the five of them “Listen guys, everyone knows Tom Cruise’s best movie is Days of Thunder so just drop it.”

They are then teleported to Jurassic Park courtesy of a transportation spell casted on all of them by Wizard Nick Houslander. Ion, Cosmic Spider-Man and the two Kryptonians instantly take flight and split up in an effort to divide and conquer. Nick, being very familiar with the terrain, as he’s watched the documentary, “How to Not Get Eaten by a Tyrannosaurus Rex” by Dr. Ian Malcolm, several dozen times, heads off by himself deep into the thick jungle. The wizard lights a cigarillo. The flame from the wooden stick match illuminates his unshaven face. As dawn begins to break, the new day’s sun begins to pierce through the thick foliage and we finally get a good look at the crown jewel of Logical Genocide’s Season Five Draft. Nick has a very distinctive appearance about him which consists of a battered brown hat with a telescope crown, pale blue shirt, dark blue jeans, tan boots, a sheepskin vest, and a patterned serape. He grips his long wizard’s staff as he slowly makes his way deeper and deeper into what he now realizes is the Tyrannosaur paddock. He then hears a sound that he was not expecting. The buzz of three crotch rocket engines fill the air as Movie Arcee, Chromia and Elita One all rip through the jungle and attack the wizard. Nick however is not traveling alone. The trees begin to violently shake as Cuddles, Cybertronian Guardian #9, stomps his way into battle. He quickly crushes Chromia as Wizard Nick fires a bolt of magic at Elita One, turning her metallic body into an exploding ball of nachos.

“Yeah…. That just happened,” quips Wizard Nick Houslander as he spins his staff around, pretending to be Ray Park.

Movie Arcee then tries to attack the wizard, but is incinerated by a powerful blast from the Cybertronian Guardian’s cannon.

“Thanks, Cuddles,” says Nick has he takes a long drag from his cigarillo. “Now I owe you one.” Nick then conjures a levitating spell to lift him up onto Cuddles’ shoulder as they leave the three broken and destroyed female Transformers.

A Z-95 Headhunter comes flying in, quickly passing by a flock of Pteradons as its pilot sings along to his favorite song.

“After chasing sunsets, one of life's simple joys, is playing with the boys…” sings Centurion #5, Jim Tebow.

Megatron sees the Headhunter coming in hot and leaps into action. He takes aim with his fusion cannon and quickly ends Jim Tebow’s fun. The Z-95 explodes into a fiery ball of mangled metal as is plummets to the island below. It crashes into a herd of Brachiosaurus, killing several of them in the process.

Meanwhile, out in the grassland portion of the island, the trio of Movie Wreckers are embroiled in a battle with the five Triceratons. Movie Mirage and Movie Jolt quickly arrive to even the score. The anthropomorphic triceratops are quite at home in this environment and are able to work together to take Movie Jolt out quickly. A herd of Gallimimus rush out from the thick foliage away from the giant gestalt, Monstructor, who burst through the tress after them. The horrific looking Decepticon snatches Movie Leadfoot and destroys him with a corrosive aura generated from his hands. Movie Mirage moves quickly and slashes his way through Whomp, Stomp and Carl before Thwomp is able to knock him down, which then allows Monstructor to grab the Autobot and eat him whole. Movie Roadbuster and Movie Topspin then take care of Thwomp and Pomp. The two Wreckers transform and peel out of there before Monstructor is able to finish them off as well. The ground beneath the gestalt begins to quake as Movie Driller erupts from the earth below and manages to take out both Scowl and Icepick. This attack causes Monstructor to fall apart and into the four remaining Pretender Monsters. Movie Shockwave comes out of Driller and blasts the head clean off of Birdbrain before both he and Driller retreat to the underground.

Megatron calmly and purposefully stalks his way down the road of Jurassic Park, where he then finds himself face to face with an angry Tyrannosaurs Rex. Megatron quickly grabs a hold of the dinosaur and snaps his neck without even breaking stride. The T-Rex’s limp carcass falls to the ground with a mighty thud which gains the attention of the duo of Az-Rel and Nadira. This however, proves to be a trap set by Megatron. Nadira’s own telekinesis is overpowered by The Fallen’s and Az-Rel’s pyrokenisis is fairly useless as well on The Fallen, considering he’s constantly engulfed in flames as well. Sentinel Prime and Megatron then combine their forces as The Fallen holds off the two Kryptonians. They fall under the trio’s might.

Megatron lets out a small laugh and says, “This was almost too easy Sentinel.”

But before Sentinel Prime can respond to his new lord and master, there is a massive flash of green light in the sky as Ion, joined with Cosmic Spider-Man fly in to end Megatron’s thus far, short reign of terror.

“Dreads!!! Attack!” shouts Megatron as Movie Crankcase, Movie Hatchet, and Movie Crowbar transform and rush the two cosmic beings. Cosmic Spider-Man wastes no time and obliterates the three vicious Decepticons. Megatron the leaps into the air as Movie Shockwave and Driller erupt once more from the ground and attack Ion. Movie Driller consumes Ion whole, but is soon blown apart be a bright ball of green energy. Ion then rips through Movie Shockwave as Cosmic Spider-Man goes after The Fallen. The Fallen sees the cosmic web-slinger coming at him and teleports away. This however, opens up Cosmic Spider-Man to a full powered, point blank range blast from Megatron’s fusion cannon, vaporizing him instantly. The Fallen then reappears and smacks Ion down out of the sky. He flies right for Kyle, but is ripped apart by a barrage of green energy. Ion then turns his attention to Megatron and Sentinel Prime. He focuses all his will power and begins to glow brighter and brighter.

Megatron then grabs a hold of Sentinel Prime and says, “Remember, I said at ANY price.” He then hurls Sentinel Prime right at Ion, takes aim and blasts his own teammate with his fusion cannon. The resulting explosion kills both Sentinel Prime and Ion.

The remaining two Movie Wreckers drive in after seeing the massive explosion. Mystique, Jedi Master #50A and Odd Job all climb out of Movie Roadbuster and Movie Topspin to survey the damage. The blast even knocks Megatron back into the trees. Once he regains his footing, he sees an ally from his old team, The Untouchables.

“Ahh, Mystique. I may have some use for you,” says Megatron as he transforms into his Walther P38 gun mode as Mystique catches him and places him in her holster. Odd Job is then struck by a shot from the streets. He crumples to the ground and screams in agony as his very flesh begins to rot while he’s still alive. The pain is so unbearable, he eventually goes into shock and passes out, but he soon succumbs to his wounds. Jedi Master #50A senses Odd Job’s killer in the trees and uses the Force to yank him down. Predator #48’s cloaking devices is damaged by the fall from the tree, but he quickly gets back to his feet and fires several shots at the Jedi Master, who blocks them with his lightsaber. The three remaining Pretender Monsters follow the sounds of war and join the battle as well. They collide with Movie Roadbuster and Movie Topspin as Mystique silently slips away in search of Wizard Nick Houslander and his Cybertronian Guardian friend. The Jedi Master and Predator continue to battle as the five Transformers clash all around them. The Predator manages to wound the Jedi with his dual claws, but is stabbed himself in the abdomen by his lightsaber. The Predator then sets his self destruct bomb, though unbeknownst to his nearby teammates. The resulting explosion kills all in the area.

Mystique makes her way towards the main building as the plume of smoke rises from the Predator’s explosion. She sees a couple Velocirpators lying dead near the entrance with some strange plastic goo spilling out from their jaws. Upon closer inspection, she realizes that they attacked and tried to eat Plastic Baby, and though they succeeded in killing the useless character, they too died. Mystique sees Cuddles, the Cybertronian Guardian, standing in front of the entrance to the building. She draws Megatron from her holster and fires. The blast is so powerful, it rips right through the protective helmet of Cuddles and blows a hole right out the back of his head (JFK style). The massive transformer drops to his knees and falls with an enormous thud.

Mystique re-holsters Megatron and enters the building. There, she sees Wizard Nick Houslander lighting, yet another cigarillo. He slowly raises his head as he flick the stick match to the ground. His squinted eyes barely peer past the brow of his hat as he focuses in on the blue-skinned mutant. He flips his poncho over his shoulder and quickly fires a bolt of magic from his staff. Mystique leaps out of the way just in time and races up the twisting stairs. She springboards off of the wall and spin kicks Wizard Nick over the railing, bouncing him off of the tyrannosaurs skeleton. She leaps down to Nick. The Wizard sweeps Mystique’s feet out from underneath her and moves in to finish her off. Mystique however rolls back to her feet and does something quite unexpected. She unlatches her white halter top and exposes her voluptuous blue-hued breasts to Wizard Nick, who is now paralyzed with lust. She grabs a hold of him and kisses him. Unable to withstand this unforeseen attack, Wizard Nick Houslander is now defenseless to Mystique silently drawing Megatron from her holster and blasting a hole right through Nick’s torso. Megatron then transforms in to his robot mode and fires a victory shot through the roof of the building,