Team Sleeping Pussy Vs. TEAM: Part 3: The Battle

ON THE DESERT WASTELAND THAT WAS ONCE THE PLAYOFF PLANET…

The Drummer uses his ability to detect and manipulate streams of information to find out where Leto is at; but this also alerts Leto to their presence. Like a human Thumper, Leto is almost uncontrollably brought to the whereabouts of the Planetary Team. As Leto emerges from the sand, it happens as it does in other previous stories, that Ambrose Chase dies first. Crushed to death by the massive body of The God Emperor. The other three converge on Leto but The Drummer is drilled by the tail of his opponent killing him while The Kwisatz Haderach goes full sand worm on the remaining two going mouth first into them both, spilling their water into the dunes…

Solaris the Tyrant Sun begins to make a play to heat up to such an extreme level to melt the space base of the Sleeping Pussies. He takes a couple of radioactive pot shots at the base, breaking through its shields in spots and taking out a very unlucky Nightshade who was in the wrong place at the wrong time; but The Starchild has little desire to see this play out. Although witnessing the birth of small suns, not the death of them is usually his thing; Dave Bowman flies over to the Tyrant Sun and in essence shows off the power of his team’s space worthy command center. Bowman actually helps accentuate the power level of Solaris to levels that the sun cannot control. The base handles the uptake in power with little ill effect; but Solaris has no choice but to watch himself burn under the heat of uncontrollable power levels.

Unicron is now fast approaching the TSPCB (Team Sleeping Pussy Cosmic Base), while Dr. Manhattan in essence decides that he is going to take an active roll, while simultaneously sitting back and letting his squad do as much of the grunt work as possible. He transports The WILDCATS (w/ honorary WILDCAT members Catman and Black Cat (they wanted Wildcat to be an honorary WILDCAT; but he thought that was kinda gay and turned them down)). He transports all members plus there Catmobile and AT-ST into Unicron as well as transporting Peacemaker, Johnny Blaze, and The Vanisher onto the Playoff Planet to finish the job that The Planetary Crew could not. Peacemaker lays down a suppressing fire whilst (shout out former Rose City campers) Johnny Blaze races through the sand towards Leto, once The God Emperor reveals himself. Whether it be from a large Holtzman shield or his rock hard natural exterior gifted from Shai-Halud himself, neither the Peacemaker’s conventional firearms nor Blaze’s hellfire shotgun seem to have any effect on the worm. Leto makes short work of the two while The Vanisher is teleporting around evading the sandworm and taking potshots with his gas gun which also seems to be doing very little damage (although I for one am not really sure what that thing was supposed to do anyhow). The Kwisatz Haderach uses his intense power of prescience to know where the Vanisher will teleport next before The Vanisher even knows himself. So when the next teleport takes place The Vanisher is met with a few hundred pounds of wormflesh cranked into his face to break his neck. Manhattan is slightly angered with himself for allowing so many of his resources to be depleted by the sole inhabitant of The Playoff Planet. Dr. Manhattan then focuses his attention on the planet and conjures enough energy to nuke the entire place into nothingness; getting the Imperial God out of his proverbial hair for good. The WILDCATS at first begin wreaking havoc throughout the enormous body of Unicron while Catman races around in his Catmobile and Lord Emp and Grifter begin blasting everything in sight from within their AT-ST. Despite the fun they are having, the team comes to the conclusion that they are making very little headway. Maul shrinks down to smaller than normal size and begins analyzing the situation instead of simply destroying stuff. He, Lord Emp, and the others detect what they are certain is the location of Unicron’s spark. The WILDCATS move through the twisting metal caverns that make up the innards of the massive Cybertronian. They work through the winding maze and all converge on the compartment that they know to be the housing of his spark. “So, what’s the plan Maul” ask Spartan. Maul replies: “Well, in essence he isn’t a whole lot different than any other Transformer we have come across over the last 8 years in this league, just much bigger. So, if we can figure out how to focus enough energy into the spark than we should be able to implode him, then hopefully Dr. Manhattan can transport us out of here before we go down with him”. At that moment, quadruple thick, impenetrable walls close around the area in which The WILDCATS are residing and a booming laughter is heard throughout. The WILDCATS know themselves to be trapped, although they begin firing their weapons in hopes to find a weakness. Unicron speaks to them in a sarcastic tone: “Do you think that you mere fleshbag mortals were going to come in here and outsmart one such as I?? Do you think that because I am immensely larger, more powerful, and more durable than you or anything ever birthed on your planet that this makes me less intelligent?? I assure you earthlings, that it is far from the truth. In fact it is the opposite of such truth. I set this in motion and devised this plan before you ever set foot within my bounds. Now please enjoy your stay and the death that you will receive herein”. With that the walls begin to transform in around them, rapidly closing in. The WILDCATS fight valiantly against their seemingly inanimate foe; but it is to no avail. Within a matter of minutes the barely dented walls move in around The WILDCATS and kills them all. Unicron then begins to break through the oxygen rich plane of the TSPCB which opens everything up for a full out battle royal between the two squads…

Miracle Dog and Comet the Super Horse break into a super-powered-flying-animal-space battle that is everything that one would expect from a super-powered-flying-animal-space battle. There is a ton of growling and naying and kicking and biting; but eventually Comet catches Miracle with a building shattering double hind leg kick to the chest while the dog simultaneously delivers a massive bite to the horse’s jugular vein so they can join each other in an animalistic death that would have Sarah Mclachlan and Beckerman in tears for weeks.

Dr. Manhattan enters the fray on a much more direct level after he sees Ultraman delightfully laughing after he uses the freshly murdered bodies of Capt. Boomerang and La Femme Nikita as makeshift bludgeoning tools and then chases down Darryl Revok’s X-Wing and rips it apart. The Ultron bot working as The Bad Scanner’s astro droid makes a play against Ultraman; but the Earth 3 Man of Steel easily heat visions the problem out of existence. But Dr. Manhattan and Ultraman make for a bit more of an even match-up. Ultraman moves so quickly towards Manhattan that he is actually able to football tackle him in a corporeal state. Manhattan is able to evade the beating that Ultraman is attempting to give him, as well as his freeze breath and heat vision attacks; but nothing that Manhattan is attempting is exactly putting Ultraman out of commission either. Ultraman makes one final rush at Manhattan; but passes right through the good Dr. An intense flash light overtakes the area which leaves Ultraman in sub-molecular atomic pieces; but strangely enough left a curious look on the face and body of Dr. Manhattan. It is unsure to me if this is even possible; but the blue superhuman appears as if he is….. Tired.

The Presence sits down to have a conversation with Brother Blood and decides that his soul is not worth saving. Which afterlife The Presence sent him to is beyond even my knowledge.

Savage Dragon is one hell of a fighter, but in the end his fighting prowess and strength were still no match for the might of Justice Legion Alpha Superman. But despite the immense power of the Superman of the 853rd Century, he still finds himself a bit mismatched when double-teamed by both Johnny Bates and Bizarro. Although his powers speaking from a technical perspective may be greater than either of the two, they are able to fight through his defensive posture and beat the Superman descendant to a bloody death.

The Great Leviathan, out of nowhere seems to simply appear out of the nothingness and bring the sea with it. The two brave enough, or perhaps unlucky enough to confront it on the onset are Gentleman Ghost and Devil Dinosaur. The non-corporeal form of Gentleman Ghost seems to make no difference to the mythical, biblical creature of epic proportions. Gentleman Ghost is ripped apart as if he were any other man. Devil Dinosaur puts up a significantly better fight; but after Leviathan manages to wrap its long serpent body around the intelligent T-Rex the serpent is able to choke the life right out of him.

Black Lantern Darth Vader and Duncan McLeod experiment for a while with hacking at each other, before BL Vader realizes that McLeod doesn’t die until his head is removed. McLeod obviously never does find out a way to take out Vader.

The two Silk Spectres run to help Korvac and Western Ghost Rider against Sif, Hogun, and Volstagg. “Stop following me”!! Yells the younger of the two. “But you’re my daughter. I don’t want you out of my sight. We can fight side by side and stick together”. “I am not your daughter. You are a version of my mother that exists from before I was born. You know nothing of our relationship as mother and daughter, because it hasn’t even happened for you yet. So go fight somewhere else”!! By the time the two get there though it is too late, as they realize that their talents were not needed. Although Sif managed to take out The horse-riding Western Ghost Rider. Korvac was able to take out Sif and both of her warriors in one enormous cosmic blast.

Korvac arrogantly yells to his teammates as he takes a break: “Well, I’ve taken care of the Avengers B-Team all by myself, do the six of you need a hand with the real thing”?? Korvac is speaking to D’ Spayre, Baron Mordo, Sunfire, Psycho Pirate, Victoria, and Ultron. Korvac hangs back for a minute to see what happens as TEAM seems to make their final attack. Led by Capt. America, The Avengers plus (Red Son) Superman and Supergirl rush forward off of the arm of Unicron onto the TSPCB. D’ Spayre and Baron Mordo hold nothing back as they let loose on their enemies killing Captain America, Thor, Iron Man, Superman, and Supergirl.

“The Avengers are dead!! The hard part is over”!! Screams Tunnel Rat. “Is there anything on this planet, stupider than a human”?? Asks Ultron. The robot continues: “Is anyone here truly dumb enough to think that The Avengers would go down that easily?? Nevermind, don’t answer that. Those weren’t The Avengers you fools. This must have been a…”…….. “TRAP” Rorshach finishes.

Glavatron fires several red lantern laced plasma blasts to clear the path for Supergirl and Ragnarok who come rushing out. They are joined by Black Lantern Vader from the rear, as Team Sleeping Pussy goes on the defensive. Whatever defense they mount though will have to be done without Dr. Manhattan, Dave Bowman, and Korvac, who have flown upwards to face off against Unicron.

Galvatron transforms into robot form and delivers an oversized kick/arm cannon blast combo to put an end to Psycho Pirate, while D’ Spayre uses his power of fear instilment to overload the power of Galvatron’s red lantern ring exploding it and Galvatron’s spark with it. Ragnarok fights back by conjuring enough Asgardian power, artificial as it may be to fry D’ Spayre in place. Even though she is not technically Kryptonian, Supergirl still shows quite a weakness to the power of Baron Mordo’s magical powers, as does Ragnarok. She and he both fall to his powers; but after this display of power, Mordo musters almost no defense to Black Lantern Vader’s black lantern lightsaber going through his chest. BL Vader then takes flight in an attempt to help out Unicron; but Unicron is not exactly known for requiring help…..

Korvac attempts to alter the space around Unicron and then project the energy back towards the massive Transformer; but Unicron simply laughs it off. Mad with power, Unicron seems to choose his form of attack carefully as if to embarrass his opponent by using his pinky finger to flick Korvac out of existence. BL Vader jumps into the mix; but his reformulated black lantern Sith essence is dissipated by the powers of Dr. Manhattan. Unicron, now sick of all the carnage brought forth to his team by Manhattan and Bowman decides to show these young additions to the universe of cosmological power. The billion year old Unicron unleashes his post-post-post humanistic essence from within his spark and demonstrates to the cosmically exhausted Dr. Manhattan what true omnipotence really is as he rips apart The Team Sleeping Pussy star into molecules that he didn’t even yet realize existed.

With the falling of Dr. Manhattan and Korvac, The Starchild realizes that it is he and he alone that can bring an end to the 8 year FFL power reign that has been Unicron. The man once known to earth as Dave Bowman flies in through the eye of Unicron and ushers in a singularity that would normally take trillions of years to undertake. Dave Bowman: The Starchild flies back out of the chest of Unicron and simply watches as the monstrous robot rusts away like an old chunk of steel and is forever drained of his lifeforce.

The Presence then out of nothingness flies in, riding on top of The Leviathan. The Starchild stands at the ready thinking that this must finally be the inevitable face off between science and spirituality. When the antiquated ways of old will be brought to light and ended in order to usher in the true science based singularity. Bowman floats ready, and in a defensive posture, when The Presence and Leviathan calmly fly to him. The Presence reaches out his hand, and as the two touch, all three are transported far away from this now meaningless battle and onto the next level of life… To begin anew…….

Team Sleeping Pussy Vs. TEAM: Part 2: The Scheming

So, here we sit. Sit and wait for the true battle to begin. It was Unicron who broke the back and sucked the life from The Playoff Planet. Solaris the Tyrant Sun now insures that it stays a dessert waste land, while The true Tyrant, the Kwisatz Haderach, The God Emperor Leto II himself reigns supreme over the rock. Ripping through the dunes on patrol of the 80% of the planet that he claims for himself and his TEAM. The only part not directly being controlled by Leto, being the enormous clump of steel and debris that have been mashed together into a near physical mass defying mess, by the planet’s enormous magnetic pull from its constant South pole. How many Sleeping Pussy sleeper agents wait there, cannot yet be known.

As for Team Sleeping Pussy, they are far from counted out of this equation. Ultron and Brother Blood have created a highly advanced free-floating space base and with a little help from Dave Bowman for self-sustainability, some heavy lifting from Bizarro and Bates, plus some snap of the finger freshly enriched oxygen from Dr. Manhattan, it makes for a perfect launch point for every member of the Team Sleeping Pussy squad.

Most of the powers that be on TEAM on the other hand are located in and around the shoulder area of Unicron where they are currently plotting their way out of this confusing space-time continuum of a match.

IN THE MIDST OF THE TEAM: TEAM MEETING:

Stark: (with Iron Man helmet in his arm): Now, Dr. Banner, you’re sure we can use the time machine at least one time without Dr. Manhattan stopping us and resetting the entire continuum again. Right??

Dr. Banner: No Tony, I’m not sure. I’m almost certain that if we reveal the new housing of the new time module that we will at best have one shot at taking out their solar base and everyone inside. So, more appropriately it is not that we have at least one time using it; but that we have a one time use proposition as our very best case scenario.

Stark: Well, Cap has got a plan, and not only is it going to require all of us to make it happen; but it is going to require all of us heavy hitters to be alive at the end of for the last hurrah. As for some of you……… how shall we say less than heavy hitters, your risk is just as bad; and unfortunately, you may be taking the brunt of the attack earlier rather than later.

Lady Jessica: We know who you mean by less than heavy hitters Stark. And we are ready to do what is necessary for victory.

Chani: I second that Man of Steel.

Stark: Yeah, sure creepy Fremen girl. But I’m Man of Iron, more like reinforced Tungsten polymer to be precise. He’s the Man of Steel (gesturing to his left). Kind of.

Red Son Superman: Da

Stark: So, everybody knows the plan, right?? Don’t answer that. And everybody is ready to do their part?? Everybody on board?? We all in?? Win one for the Gipper and all that crap?? Hope so.

Thor: The plan is sound. We shall be victorious.

Stark: How about you Calrissean?? You ready to get those threads a little messy??

Lando: I’m not sure if Nien Numb and I can handle that kind of flying or not to tell you the truth.

Capt. America: General Calrissean, if what I hear about you and your partner over there about The Battle of Endor is true, than we’ll do just fine. Now this may not be the most perfect plan ever devised; but it’s the only one we’ve got. So let’s go out there and do it. Let’s get the run down:

Cap: Fake hammer?

Jack Lalane: Check.

Cap: Fake shield?

Chani: Check.

Cap: Fake Iron Man Suit?

Mimmell: Check.

Cap: Fake Capes?

Lady Jessica: Check.

John Wayne: Check Pilgrim.

Cap: Pilot ready?

Lando: Check.

Cap: Artillery ready?

Galvatron: CHECK.

Cap: Now we just have to wait for Seraph and Fandral to get back with the Delorean; so we can……

Stark: Speak of the Devil.

Sif: Seraph,….., Where is Fandral.

Seraph: I am sorry to say my fellow rebels; but I have some bad news………

IN THE MIDST OF THE TEAM SLEEPING PUSSY: TEAM MEETING.

Ultron: So we have the Delorean?

Peacemaker: Yes sir. The Delorean is here. It had two enemy combatants inside. We killed the Asgardian; but the small one escaped, he was very fast. We thought it more important to obtain the Delorean itself, than to kill a soldier of his standing.

Dr. Manhattan: Your logic is sound Comedian, or whatever you are called in this plane of existence.

Starchild: That is correct. Neither of the men driving the machine were of any real importance. The main plan was to obtain the Delorean and take it out of the equation once and for all. These paradoxes we are all creating are beginning to have a negative effect on the very fabric of the cosmos.

(Black Cat, Darryl Revok, and Tunnel Rat rip apart the interior making sure that there are no traps and that this car is in fact the real article).

Tunnel Rat: Where the heck is the Flux compasitor?? Isn’t that the thing that makes it work?? I’m dying to see it.

Ultron: ENOUGH of this foolishness. Destroy that abominable bit of antiquated technology immediately. We may have stopped their plan, and won a victory; but we still have a TEAM to annihilate. Now GET TO WORK, or I shall do it myself.

(Baron Mordo, D’ Spayre, and The Wildcats make short work of the stainless steel 80s icon and turn it to dust in a matter of minutes).

Team Sleeping Pussy Vs. TEAM Part 1: Confusion

Team Sleeping Pussy is Brother Blood (w/ Serious Black’s wand), Bizarro Superman, Planetary: Elijah Snow, Jakita Wagner, The Drummer, and Ambrose Chase, Dr. Manhattan, Bullseye (w/ a red lightsaber), Johnny Bates (Kid Miracle (adult version), Ultron, Catman and Black Cat in the Catmobile, Korvac, Gentleman Ghost, Duncan McLeod (w/ a green lightsaber), Dave Bowman: The Starchild, The WILDCATS: Spartan, Grifter, Zealot, Warblade, Maul, Lord Emp, and Void, Rorschach (w/ a green lantern ring), Captain Boomerang, Nightshade, La Femme Nikita, Psycho Pirate, Wildcat, Sunfire, Baron Mordo, D’Spayre, Victoria (w/ a red lightsaber), Miracle Dog, Savage Dragon, Darryl Revok, Peacemaker w/ an Ultron bot in a X-Wing, Johnny Blaze, Western Ghost Rider, The Vanisher, Devil Dinosaur, Silk Spectre (w/ a blue lightsaber), (original) Silk Spectre (w/ a blue lightsaber), Hamato Yoshi, and Tunnel Rat.

TEAM is Unicron, The Presence, Solaris the Tyrant Sun, Thor, Ragnarok, Red Son Superman, Justice Legion Alpha Superman, God Emperor Leto II, Ultraman, Capt. America, Iron Man, The Incredible Hulk, Supergirl (Linda Danavers), Comet the Super Horse, Sif and The Warriors Three: Hogun, Volstagg, and Fandral, Black Lantern Darth Vader, Galvatron (w/ a red lantern ring), Leviathon, Seraph and John Wayne in The Delorean Time Machine, Lando Calrissean, Nien Numb, Chani, Lady Jessica, Jack Lalane, Mimmell, and Robin the Toy Wonder in The Millenium Falcon.


Three Weeks.

Three long weeks.

For three weeks has this battle raged on; and that is not counting the first day. The first day is more of a blur at this time. It was the day that The Playoff Planet was reduced to a festering ball of barren heat. Dust, more than sand is what remains of the once vibrant planet. The heat of lasers, action, and death all contributing to the less than hospitable ball; but none of these factors truly contribute like the obvious and unbearable proximity to Solaris the Tyrant Sun, where the planet seems eternally stuck on its axis. No revolution or rotation making the past three weeks truly just one long day; but also simultaneously a never beginning year.



It was……………



For three weeks has this battle raged on; and that is not counting the first day. The first day is more of a blur at this time. It was the day that The Playoff Planet was reduced to a festering ball of barren heat. Dust, more than sand is what remains of the once vibrant planet. The heat of lasers, action, and death all contributing to the less than hospitable ball; but none of these factors truly contribute like the obvious and unbearable proximity to Solaris the Tyrant Sun, where the planet seems eternally stuck on its axis. No revolution or rotation making the past three weeks truly just one long day; but also simultaneously a never beginning year.




I am certain it was…..




For three weeks has this battle raged on; and that is not counting the first day. The first day is more of a blur at this time. It was the day that The Playoff Planet was reduced to a festering ball of barren heat. Dust, more than sand is what remains of the once vibrant planet. The heat of lasers, action, and death all contributing to the less than hospitable ball; but none of these factors truly contribute like the obvious and unbearable proximity to Solaris the Tyrant Sun, where the planet seems eternally stuck on its axis. No revolution or rotation making the past three weeks truly just one long day; but also simultaneously a never beginning year.


Three Weeks….

I mean three times….

Three times over three weeks; or was it three weeks three time. NINE WEEKS: yes, nine weeks. No it was only one week ago that the Presence forgave me for not remembering. But I am an all powerful Watcher I see all, I KNOW ALL.

I SAID I KNOW ALL!!................................................!!

It’s the time paradoxes, yes, yes, the paradoxes in time are running together in my brain. I am seeing them all at once. The match already ended. I saw TEAM win, they won the match, in fact they won the match twice. No, wait…. You can’t win a match twice. Team Sleeping Pussy won. That’s right. Bowman and Manhattan they strangely committed that ancient earth ritual, “The High Five”. No, no, no, NO. That didn’t happen either. It was the time paradoxes, they are definitely what is getting me confused. That didn’t happen, because no, not the time paradox it was the simulation. Ultron simulated the whole thing; but Seraph was there. He was part of the system he explained it to me that it was not a time paradox after all it was…. The brain in a vat, yes my brain is in a vat like Dr. Banner said. Or, wait…. A time paradox, it was a time paradox Tony Stark showed me the equation. It was flashing in front if his eyes and mine within his suit and in my mind. But then Manhattan……. Yes, Manhattan…… What he said was……. No, no that’s right. There is no time. There is NO TIME. Time is relative. It’s the Multiverse. It has to be the Multiverse. This is Fantasy Fantasy after all, the Multiverses within the Multiverse couldn’t handle all of the cross manipulation. Not with power of this magnitude. It was a cosmic occurrence. Unicron made it so…. He destroyed the planet; but the ability to destroy a planet is insignificant next to the power of The Force, no wait…. It is insignificant next to the power of the Black Lantern Corps, YES, that is what Vader said; NO, no he said both. But he didn’t say both at the same time, he said them different times.

Paradox.

Definitely paradox.

Okay Joshatu, get back to yourself. Get your head straight and think this through. Dammit.

It was time travel.

But time travel is impossible, I know that time travel is impossible, if time travel were possible than one in theory could go back in time and kills ones parents which would make one never be born which would make it impossible to go back and kill ones parents. This cannot be explained.

It is not possible.

But anything is possible. We travel through time every minute of every day.

It was……..

NO, it was………

………………………………………
………………………………………
………………………………………

The DELOREAN!!

The Delorean CAN travel through time. But Dr. Manhattan won’t let it………………………

TEAM Vs. Team Sleeping Pussy: Introduction

This is not an introduction to the mythical match of epic proportions. This is simply an introduction to the writing of the match itself. I would simply like to state for the record that after 8 years of writing for The Fantasy Fantasy League Blog, and with over 300 matches under my belt, that if I were to put together a list of the top 5 squads I have ever had the pleasure of deciding over, that both of these squads would be on the list. Both owners should be proud of their squad, I hope that the match I put out for them, and the rest of you as well does not disappoint. I will do my best and I apologize in advance to whichever of these two teams ends up being on the losing end.

Match proper should be posted by late night/early morning Wednesday/Thursday.

S8GLCF: Chapter XVII

Real Mean: All dead.

 Horsemen:  Charles Xavier, Cyclops, Iceman, Joseph, Hope Summers and Gideon Survive.

THE HORSEMEN OF APOKOLIPS ARE GEORGE LUCAS CONFERENCE CHAMPIONS!!!

S8GLCF: Chapter XVI

City Region. . . 3:00 p.m. . .

Megatron, Zombie Optimus Prime and the Anti-Monitor face the remaining Horsemen. 

Savage focuses his Cosmic Control Rod on the Anti-Monitor, while Phoenix strikes simultaneously with both her cosmic powers and white lantern ring.  There is an immense blast of cosmic power and the Anti-Monitor perishes, taking with him the Horsemen duo.

Iceman freezes a portion of Zombie Optimus Prime, who is then blasted by Cyclops’ optic beam.  The Transformer falls to his knees, but manages to kill He-Man with a decapitating blow while the muscle man is not using his ring, ultimately before the robot perishes at the hands of both Hope Summers and Gideon.   

Megatron:  This loss does not compute.  The Rabblersousers should have won this match.

Xavier:  We Horsemen never take a match lightly although others in the league may think so.  I had to coordinate, with the assistance of others on our team, everything to a specific measuring instant in order for us to survive and win.  You should be commended.  Others have never reached as far as you have in the short time you have been in the league.  At the same time. . .  Joseph. . .  

Joseph rips Megatron apart.  The last Rabblerouser is no more.

 

S8GLCF: Chapter XV

City Region. . .  2:44 p.m.

Vandal Savage:  I have lived for hundreds of years.  It is a good day to die.

GL Poteracki:  Speak for yourself.  I ain’t ready to die.

GL Poteracki flies toward Kryptonian Army Soldiers 16 and 17.

GL Poteracki:  You want some of this!  Here you go!  And some of this too!  Oh, you want some!  Here you go!

GL Poteracki unleashes a fury of green projectiles at the Soldiers.  Although a nuisance, it causes the Kryptonians to ignore Savage wielding the Cosmic Control Rod and Phoenix.  Poteracki is killed, but to his credit, has taken down both Kryptonians with the assistance of Savage’s cosmic rod and Phoenix’s fury. 

S8GLCF: Chapter XIV

City Region. . . 2:25 p.m. . .

The Terrodactyl bombards the Vehicle Voltron Land Team to utter annihilation.  In response, Kryptonians 16 and 17 reach He-Man’s vehicle and destroy it with their heat vision.  The Terrodactyl crashes to the ground, but without its pilot as He-Man spirits himself away using his green lantern ring.  Gigantor meets He-Man and the giant robot attempts to crush the life out of the Eternian.  Angel assists his teammate and meets his death at the hand of Gigantor.  He-Man escapes, while Gigantor is ripped apart into a million pieces by Phoenix, who saves her teammate.   

A piece of the robot crashes next to Beast and Iceman, who are successfully battling Duke and Snake Eyes in their Mech Units.  Although Beast is killed, the G.I. Joes also fall in the fight.

S8GLCF: Chapter XIII

City Region. . .  2:16 p.m. . .

The AT-ST long since abandoned, the two Sith search for additional prey.  The Witch King of Angmar jumps from his previous fray only moments ago directly into the path of the Darths.  The Black Captain uses his magic to battle against the duo.  Although the Nazgul Lord manages to kill Darth Desolous, he is, in turn, destroyed by Darth Maul.  As Maul leaves his partner, he is confronted by Black Hand.  Before Maul can react, Black Hand touches the Sith Lord, draining the life force from Maul. 

Black Hand:  You should have died when you were sliced in half anyway; screw the newly reformulated canon. . .

Without warning, Kryptonian Army Soldiers 16 and 17 fly to the scene and kill Black Hand before he can react.  

 

S8GLCF: Chapter XII

City Region. . . 2:07 p.m. . .

The Beast Wars Transformers follow a spattering of the Horsemen through the tunnels of the city.  Black Hand, Cyclops, Angel, Iceman, Beast and the Witch King race down and then upward, back to the city streets, hoping to lose their enemy.  As they reach the light, the Beast Wars crew bursts from the manholes, taking cement and mortar with them.  They are immediately set upon by . 

Xavier:  The trap has worked perfectly. Nice inflection in your voice before, Cyclops.

As the Transformers reach their quarry, they are set upon by Savage, Xavier, Summers, Gideon and Joseph.  It is only a matter of time before the entire Transformer team is meshed into a jumble of metallic mesh. 

S8GLCF: Chapter XI

Air above City Region. . . 1:59 p.m. . .

He-Man is encased with the power of Sinestro’s green lantern ring, while he pilots the Terrodactyl.  He focuses on the Tie-Interceptor in front of him.

He-Man:  You have caused enough trouble, my enemy.  Know the wrath of Greyskull!

The Terrodactyl launches its missiles and the Burger King perishes in a fiery blaze, along with his fighter.  He-Man then dispels with the Vehicle Voltron Air Team. 

GL Poteracki flies alongside his teammate:  I was going to assist, but it looks like you don’t need it muscles.

He-Man flexes his pecs in response.  GL Poteracki licks his lips, smiles and flies away.

S8GLCF: Chapter X

City Region. . . 1:47 p.m. . .

The bodies of all Celestials litter the battlefield.  The stunned Horsemen stare at the robotic Megatron and Zombie Optimus Prime as the giants scan the battlefield for the remaining enemy while holding the tattered bodies of Achilles, Daken and Wonder Woman in their immense hands.  Daken enters the fray and in a beserker rage kills both Scarlett and Roadblock, while destroying their mechanical bodies.  Daken turns around and is bitten in half by Zombie Optimus Prime. 

Cyclops:  Xavier!!!  Where’s Professor Xavier!!!

The remaining Horsemen attempt to come together in a defensive formation, but to no avail since they cannot find a position necessary to confront the specific assault schemed by the Rabblerousers.

Green Lantern Ryan Poteracki:  That's great, this is really f#$kin' great, man. Now, what the f#$k are we supposed to do? We're in some pretty s@&t now, man.  Game over, man!  Game over!!!

Cyclops: Horsemen!  We are leaving!!!

 

S8GLCF: Chapter IX

City Region. . .  1:23 p.m. . . .

A large pop is heard as the entire remaining Horsemen are transported together to the metropolis battleground.   Green Lantern Poteracki floats to the ground.  He takes a motion detector from his belt and turns it on.   

GL Poteracki:  I got signals.  I got readings, in front and behind.

Iceman:  Where, man?  I don’t see sh$t.

Cyclops:  He’s right.  There’s nothin’ back here.

GL Poteracki: Look, I’m telling ya’, there’s somethin’ movin’ and it ain’t us!  Tracker’s off scale, man.  They’re all around us, man.  Jesus!

The Rabblerouser squad bursts from the various buildings around the area.  Megatron, Zombie Optimus Prime, Optimus Primal, Rhinox, Cheetor, Dinobot, Tigatron, Airazor, Silverbolt, Savage/Noble, Nightscream, Big Horn, and Blackarachnia, Voltron Air Team, Voltron Land Team, Gigantor, Duke, Snake Eyes, Scarlett and Roadblock Transformers Mech Units and Kryptonian Army Soldiers 11, 12, 15, 16, 17 surround the Horsemen.  Burger King soon arrives to the scene in his Tie Interceptor, as does Darth Desolous and Darth Maul in their AT-ST.

Complete chaos and utter pandemonium converge as the two teams battle.

Achilles uses his yellow lantern ring to fly above his teammates.  Achilles raises his sword and shield.

Achilles:  Stand tall my brothers and sisters!  Stand tall!!!  

Megatron grasps Achilles.  The ring holds the Decepticon at bay, but while focused on Megatron, Zombie Optimus Prime backhands the stalwart team leader.  Achilles strikes the ground, but his ring saves him.  Just as he is about to fly again, he is set upon by the G.I. Joe Mech Units.  Achilles unfathomably battles the Joes to a near standstill.  Achilles tires and just before he is struck down by the Joes, Megatron arrives, once again, only to  skewer the Greek hero of the Trojan War.  Megatron raises the dead body of Achilles for all to see.

Megatron:  Here is your false hero, Horsemen! 

Wonder Woman lassos Achilles’ body and rips him from Megatron’s mechanical claws.  Instantaneously, she brings forth She-Ra’s Sword of Protection as she is set upon by Kryptonian Army Soldiers 11, 12, 15, 16 and 17.  The Amazonian manages to slice into and kill Kryptonians 11, 12 and 15 due to the enhanced magical powers of the sword.  As she turns around though Darth Desolous and Darth Maul kill her; the life drains from her eyes.

Zombie Optimus Prime and Megatron hold the glue of the Horsemen from their mechanical hands.

Burger King looks from his Tie Interceptor at the carnage below.

S8GLCF: Chapter VIII

Space Region. . .  1:04 p.m. . .

Hargen the Measurer, Tefral the Surveyor, Nezzar the Calculator, Gammenon the Gatherer, Jemiah the Analyzer, Eson the Searcher, Oneg the Prober and Ziran the Tester appear to stand in place in the sky, just above the City Region of the Playoff Planet.  They are met by Vampire Galactus and the  Anti-Monitor.   Galactus looks to his teammate.

Zombie Galactus:  They are known as the Celestials.  An ancient race who are recognized as space gods.

Anti-Monitor:  WE.  ARE.  SPACE.  GODS.

The Anti-Monitor unleashes blasts of cosmic power at the Celestials.  Galactus joins his teammate and dispels the Power Cosmic at the duo’s foes.  The Celestials’ armor takes the brunt of the blows, but the two are successful in defeating Jemiah the Analyzer and Ziran the Tester.  The six remaining Celestials focus their power on Galactus, who is crippled by the blows.  The Anti-Monitor comes to the aid of his cosmic brother and destroys Eson the Searcher.  The five Celestials confront the Anti-Monitor while Galactus is down, but fail to best the Crisis villain.  The Vampire portion of Galactus takes over and the monster gets up and rips into the necks of both Hargen the Measurer and Tefral the Surveyor.  Although Galactus’ head is eventually ripped off by both Oneg the Prober and Nezzar the Calculator, the remaining Celestials, including Gammenon, are destroyed by the Anti-Monitor.  The immense bodies fall to the cityscape below, destroying buildings in their wake.

S8GLCF: Chapter VII

Forest Region. . . 12:57 p.m. . .

SNIKT!!!

Daken looks down at both Ollie and Ming Ming, as the two Wonder Pets are impaled on the Wolverine’s claws.

S8GLCF: Chapter VI

Arctic Region. . .  12:53 p.m. . .

An AT-AT walks across the tundra of the Arctic Region, carrying within it the Female Furies: Granny Goodness, Gilotina, Lashina holding an Atlas axe, Stompa with a heat axe, Bernadeth with halbeard and Mad Harriett. Chemo, Artemis and Spider Boy are also sitting in the vehicle.  Embedded in the landscape is a Cybertronian spaceship.  The AT-AT fires upon the spaceship repeatedly and chunks of the vehicle explode into the air only to be suspended by Joseph and Gideon, who now mirrors Joseph’s powers.  Joseph and Gideon look to one another and wait for Hope Summers to saunter from her sheltered snow drift. The Mutant Messiah waits while both Joseph and Gideon use the Cybertronian ship pieces as projectiles, crashing through the AT-AT at incredible speeds.  The ship becomes inoperable and the Rabblerouser team drops from the chute at the bottom of the hull.  Immediately, Gilotina and Mad Harriett race toward Hope Summers.  Summers, like her counterparts, mimics the powers of her brethren.  The mutant pulls pieces of the Cybertronian wreckage from the destruction and uses them to decapitate both Gilotina and Mad Harriett before they reach her. 

Granny Goodness:  My children!

Goodness uses her superhuman powers to reach, and then throw, Summers across the snow.  Summers falls into unconsciousness as both Stompa and Lashina raise their respective axes in an effort to cut Summers in two.  Before the duo are able to do so, Joseph and Gideon pull the AT-AT’s head down on the two, crushing them where they stand.  The AT-AT’s head explodes.

Joseph:  Nothing like the smell of napalm in the morning.

Gideon smiles in response.

Chemo, Artemis and Spider Boy team up to face Gideon.  Although the three manage to injure the mutant, they are unable to kill him.  Chemo spouts noxious fumes at Gideon, but Gideon is able to respond in kind back at Chemo with his own powers, killing the villain.  Spider Boy punches Gideon and Gideon falls to the ground, his mouth bloodied. 

Gideon:  You are going to pay for that!

Joseph:  Enough!

Joseph waves his hands in the air and is soon joined by both Gideon and Summers.  The trio unites and together they use the AT-AT and Cybertronian ship to destroy all of the Rabblerousers in battle.

S8GLCF: Chapter V

Desert Region. . .  12:46 p.m. . .

Optimus Prime and Roller wade through the sands of the Desert Region in robot mode. The two Transformer modules stand by one another, as is meant to be in the Conference Finals. 

Optimus Prime:  Ready?

Roller:  Ready.

The two look upon the Beast Wars robots, Optimus Primal, Rhinox, Cheetor, Rattrap, Dinobot, Tigatron, Airazor, Silverbolt, Savage/Noble, Nightscream, Depth Charge, Scuba, Big Horn, Big Convoy and Blackarachnia, along with the entire Vehicle Voltron teams, being Air Team – Commander Jeff, Rocky, Wolo, Chip and Ginger and Land Team – Commander Cliff, Cinda, Modok, Marvin and Hutch.

The bashing and breaking of structural steel clamors throughout the desert as the conclave of Rabblerousers meet the Horsemen duo.  Optimus Prime and Roller coordinate their strikes together, managing to strategically blast a component of each Vehicle Voltron team, while defending themselves against the Beast Wars army.  At the end of the initial skirmish, the Land Team of Voltron is destroyed, with the Air team remaining.  Additionally, the Horsemen are able to take out Depth Charge and Scuba, Rattrap and Big Convoy.    Eventually, the sheer numbers is too much for both Optimus Prime and Roller and the two succumb to the remaining enemy.    

S8GLCF: Chapter IV

Mountain Region. . . 12:25 p.m. . .

Along the dirt road of the Mountain Region, Vampire Chris Artrip and Vampire Julie Artrip ride the double dash Mario Kart around the bend.   

Chris:  Where the heck are Ella and Jack?  We’re in the field and they’re not around!

Julie: Probably out flying again.  Since she got that cape, that’s all she wants to do.  And that Jack loves being carried by his big sister.

Chris:  But we’re in the middle of the Finals.  You should not have let her fly without us being around. 

Julie:  I know. . . but there she is!

Julie points to their living children in the air.  The two are giggling and laughing, while watching their undead parents from above.  Suddenly, a Tie Interceptor screams to the scene.

Burger King:  Don’t matter none if kids are the enemy!  F#$k that sh#t!

Although Ella and Jack both try to deflect the laser fire with their lightsabers, the size of the beams are too much and the two Artrip children are destroyed.

Julie: Nooo!!!!

Chris: You Burger King F#$k!!!!  I’m going to f#$ckin’ kill you like Bama did to Clive Revel since he proclaimed him a jerk!

While they duo look at the Tie Interceptor, they fail to notice Zombies Chris and Julie Artrip jump onto the cart from the landscape above.   The Zombies wrestle the lightsabers away from the vampires and use the weapons against their own masters.

Zombie Chris:  Vampires are so two years ago!

The Zombie Artrips lop off the heads of the Vampire Artrips; both Vampires turn to dust.  Zombie Chris Artrip notices that the steering wheel has been sliced apart by the lightsabers.  The kart careens out of control and storms down the bend and over the side of the mountain.

Zombie Chris: Papaw, why do you spurn meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee???

These are the last words heard as the Mario Kart is destroyed, killing both Zombies.

S8GLCF: Chapter III

Plains Region. . . 12:14 p.m. . .

Transformers 7, 8 and 9 land on the open field of the Plains Region.  A lone Horsemen stands in the grass.  His bearded guise looks up, a solemn scowl on his face.

Transformer 7: One human against three Transformers. . .

Transformer 9: This must be a joke.

Vandal Savage opens up his coat and pulls out the Cosmic Control Rod.  Savage swipes his arm three times and three ten megaton blasts erupt from the rod.  Transformers 7, 8 and 9 are destroyed where they stand.

Savage:  The Horsemen do not joke during a Conference Final.

S8GLCF: Chapter II

Forest Region. . . 12: 11 p.m. . .  

Chewbacca’s stolen AT-ST trudges through the forest. The vehicle’s head moves down toward its targets.  Deathstroke stands ready with Luke Skywalker’s green lightsaber next to Miho who expertly wields both Plo Koon’s blue lightsaber and a green lightsaber.  The AT-ST repeatedly fires upon the Horsemen duo, who barely manages to escape the barrage of laser fire.  The AT-ST halts.  Darth Desolous and Darth Maul, with his enhanced droid legs, spring from the hatch and land on the wooded area’s floor.   The Darths ignite their lightsabers.

Darth Desolous: Formidable, but defeat is not an option for us.

Darth Maul:  Defeat never is for us Sith.

Darth Desolous battles Deathstroke, while Miho fights Darth Maul.  The Terminator matches the fighting skills of Rage, but fails to gain a upper hand due to the Sith’s wielding of the Dark Side.  While Deathstroke’s focus is on his direct fight, Rage uses the forest debris to strike Deathstroke repeatedly.  Deathstroke falls to his knees due to the pummeling.  Rage’s hand is seen quivering as a large, sharp stick rips through Deathstroke’s chest.

Darth Desolous:  Formidable Deathstroke, but defeat, once again, was not an option.

Meanwhile, although Miho’s acrobatics and use of two blades avoids a majority of Maul’s strikes, Maul’s enhanced right leg eventually snatches Miho midair.  A snap is heard as Miho’s neck is broken before her body hits the ground.

Darth Maul:  Defeat never is for us Sith.   

S8GLCF: Chapter I

Water Region. . . 12:02 p.m. . .

Fry Guys 1 and 2 are floating on a raft located in the middle of the Playoff Planet’s water region.

Fry Guy 1: Why do we get stuck and transported from the locker room into the middle of the water alone?*  [*Translated from Fryese].

Fry Guy 2:  Our hair is going to get completely waterlogged!

Fry Guy 1:  It’s just garbage!  Just because we are the commons of our team, we get sacrificed just like those Red Shirt a$$holes in Star Trek.  Dead.  Meat.

The Beast Wars Transformers, Depth Charge and Scuba, slowly rise from the water.

Scuba:  Correct.

Depth Charge:  Dead.  Meat.

In a matter of seconds, both Fry Guys are decimated, leaving only singed hairs floating on the waves.

S8GLCF: Real Men vs. Horsemen: Prologue III

Rabblerouser’s Locker room. . . 11:42 a.m. . .

Spider Boy: Time to clip the hooves off these Horsemen!!!

The Burger King:  Just like those motherf@#kers who disrespect me by suckin’ the c#ck of that ginger mother#$ckin’ clown, let’s take down the Horsemen!!!

Zombie Chris Artrip:  Rousing words. . . Just like Papaw used to give Bama before he gravied Mamaw’s biscuits!!!

Zombie Julie Artrip: CHRISTOPHER!!!

S8GLCF: Real Men vs. Horsemen: Prologue II

Horsemen Locker Room. . .  11:36 a.m. . .

Achilles stands on the locker room’s bench and looks at Daken, Deathstroke, Miho, Vampires Chris and Julie Artrip, Ella Artrip and Jack Artrip. 

Achilles:  My Myrmidons!!!  You are an essential component to this match.  With your strength comes the Horsemen’s victory!!!

Vampire Chris Artip:  My Papaw couldn’t says it bettah Achilles!

Vampire Julie Artrip:  Enough with the Papaw, Mamaw and Bama s#$t already, Christopher.  No one understands what the hell you are talking about!

Vampire Chris Artrip (smiles): Do we have time to gravy those biscuits?!?! 

Vampire Julie Artrip: CHRISTOPHER!!!!

Season 8 George Lucas Conference Final: Real Men vs. Horsemen: Prologue

City Region. . .  1:47 p.m. FST [Fantasy Fantasy League Standard Time]

The bodies of all Celestials litter the battlefield.  The stunned Horsemen stare at the robotic Megatron and Zombie Optimus Prime as the giants scan the battlefield for the remaining enemy while holding the tattered bodies of Achilles, Daken and Wonder Woman in their immense hands.

Cyclops:  Xavier!!!  Where’s Professor Xavier!!!

The remaining Horsemen attempt to come together in a defensive formation, but to no avail since they cannot find a position necessary to confront the specific assault schemed by the Rabblerousers.

Green Lantern Ryan Poteracki:  That's great, this is really f#$kin' great, man. Now, what the f#$k are we supposed to do? We're in some pretty s@&t now, man.  Game over, man!  Game over!!!

Cyclops: Horsemen!  We are leaving!!!

Season 8 George Lucas Conference Final: Real Man's Rabblerousers vs. Horsemen of Apokolips

 "I've been downhearted baby,
I've been downhearted baby,
Ever since the day we met
Ever since the day we met.”

                         “How Blue Can You Get,”

                                                -B.B. King

I look upon the teams which will do battle in this Season 8 Conference Final Match located on the Playoff Planet.  They are as follows:

Horsemen of Apokolips: Wonder Woman with golden lasso and She-Ra’s Sword of Protection, He-Man with Sinestro’s green lantern ring and piloting the Terrodactyl, Vandal Savage with Cosmic Control Rod, Achilles with yellow lantern ring and sword and shield, Daken, Deathstroke with Luke Skywalker’s green lightsaber, Miho with Plo Koon’s blue lightsaber and green lightsaber, Vampire Chris Artrip with blue lightsaber and Vampire Julie Artrip with green lightsaber riding double dash Mario Kart, Ella Artrip with blue lightsaber and Supergirl’s cape, Jack Artrip with a green lightsaber, Hargen the Measurer, Tefral the Surveyor, Nezzar the Calculator, Gammenon the Gatherer, Jemiah the Analyzer, Eson the Searcher, Oneg the Prober, Ziran the Tester, Black Hand, Optimus Prime, Roller, Head Coach Charles Xavier, Cyclops, Phoenix-Jean Grey with white lantern ring, Angel, Iceman, Beast, Joseph with Cybertronian spaceship, Hope Summers, Gideon, Witch King of Angmar, Green Lantern Ryan Poteracki, Fry Guys #1 and 2.

Real Man’s Rabblerousers: Megatron, Zombie Optimus Prime, Beast Wars: Optimus Primal, Rhinox, Cheetor, Rattrap, Dinobot, Tigatron, Airazor, Silverbolt, Savage/Noble, Nightscream, Depth Charge, Scuba, Big Horn, Big Convoy and Blackarachnia, Vehicle Voltron: Air Team – Commander Jeff, Rocky, Wolo, Chip and Ginger, Land Team – Commander Cliff, Cinda, Modok, Marvin and Hutch, Vampire Galactus, Anti-Monitor, Female Furies: Granny Goodness, Gilotina, Lashina with Atlas axe, Stompa with heat axe, Bernadeth with halbeard and Mad Harriett, Chemo, Artemis and Spider Boy in an AT-AT, Darth Desolous and Darth Maul with droid legs in Chewbacca’s stolen AT-ST,  Gigantor, Duke, Snake Eyes, Scarlett and Roadblock Transformers Mech Units, Kryptonian Army Soldiers 11, 12, 15, 16, 17, Zombie Chris Artip and Julie Artrip, The Burger King in a Tie Interceptor, Ming Ming and Ollie and Transformers 7, 8 and 9.