Team Sleeping Pussy Vs. TEAM: Part 3: The Battle

ON THE DESERT WASTELAND THAT WAS ONCE THE PLAYOFF PLANET…

The Drummer uses his ability to detect and manipulate streams of information to find out where Leto is at; but this also alerts Leto to their presence. Like a human Thumper, Leto is almost uncontrollably brought to the whereabouts of the Planetary Team. As Leto emerges from the sand, it happens as it does in other previous stories, that Ambrose Chase dies first. Crushed to death by the massive body of The God Emperor. The other three converge on Leto but The Drummer is drilled by the tail of his opponent killing him while The Kwisatz Haderach goes full sand worm on the remaining two going mouth first into them both, spilling their water into the dunes…

Solaris the Tyrant Sun begins to make a play to heat up to such an extreme level to melt the space base of the Sleeping Pussies. He takes a couple of radioactive pot shots at the base, breaking through its shields in spots and taking out a very unlucky Nightshade who was in the wrong place at the wrong time; but The Starchild has little desire to see this play out. Although witnessing the birth of small suns, not the death of them is usually his thing; Dave Bowman flies over to the Tyrant Sun and in essence shows off the power of his team’s space worthy command center. Bowman actually helps accentuate the power level of Solaris to levels that the sun cannot control. The base handles the uptake in power with little ill effect; but Solaris has no choice but to watch himself burn under the heat of uncontrollable power levels.

Unicron is now fast approaching the TSPCB (Team Sleeping Pussy Cosmic Base), while Dr. Manhattan in essence decides that he is going to take an active roll, while simultaneously sitting back and letting his squad do as much of the grunt work as possible. He transports The WILDCATS (w/ honorary WILDCAT members Catman and Black Cat (they wanted Wildcat to be an honorary WILDCAT; but he thought that was kinda gay and turned them down)). He transports all members plus there Catmobile and AT-ST into Unicron as well as transporting Peacemaker, Johnny Blaze, and The Vanisher onto the Playoff Planet to finish the job that The Planetary Crew could not. Peacemaker lays down a suppressing fire whilst (shout out former Rose City campers) Johnny Blaze races through the sand towards Leto, once The God Emperor reveals himself. Whether it be from a large Holtzman shield or his rock hard natural exterior gifted from Shai-Halud himself, neither the Peacemaker’s conventional firearms nor Blaze’s hellfire shotgun seem to have any effect on the worm. Leto makes short work of the two while The Vanisher is teleporting around evading the sandworm and taking potshots with his gas gun which also seems to be doing very little damage (although I for one am not really sure what that thing was supposed to do anyhow). The Kwisatz Haderach uses his intense power of prescience to know where the Vanisher will teleport next before The Vanisher even knows himself. So when the next teleport takes place The Vanisher is met with a few hundred pounds of wormflesh cranked into his face to break his neck. Manhattan is slightly angered with himself for allowing so many of his resources to be depleted by the sole inhabitant of The Playoff Planet. Dr. Manhattan then focuses his attention on the planet and conjures enough energy to nuke the entire place into nothingness; getting the Imperial God out of his proverbial hair for good. The WILDCATS at first begin wreaking havoc throughout the enormous body of Unicron while Catman races around in his Catmobile and Lord Emp and Grifter begin blasting everything in sight from within their AT-ST. Despite the fun they are having, the team comes to the conclusion that they are making very little headway. Maul shrinks down to smaller than normal size and begins analyzing the situation instead of simply destroying stuff. He, Lord Emp, and the others detect what they are certain is the location of Unicron’s spark. The WILDCATS move through the twisting metal caverns that make up the innards of the massive Cybertronian. They work through the winding maze and all converge on the compartment that they know to be the housing of his spark. “So, what’s the plan Maul” ask Spartan. Maul replies: “Well, in essence he isn’t a whole lot different than any other Transformer we have come across over the last 8 years in this league, just much bigger. So, if we can figure out how to focus enough energy into the spark than we should be able to implode him, then hopefully Dr. Manhattan can transport us out of here before we go down with him”. At that moment, quadruple thick, impenetrable walls close around the area in which The WILDCATS are residing and a booming laughter is heard throughout. The WILDCATS know themselves to be trapped, although they begin firing their weapons in hopes to find a weakness. Unicron speaks to them in a sarcastic tone: “Do you think that you mere fleshbag mortals were going to come in here and outsmart one such as I?? Do you think that because I am immensely larger, more powerful, and more durable than you or anything ever birthed on your planet that this makes me less intelligent?? I assure you earthlings, that it is far from the truth. In fact it is the opposite of such truth. I set this in motion and devised this plan before you ever set foot within my bounds. Now please enjoy your stay and the death that you will receive herein”. With that the walls begin to transform in around them, rapidly closing in. The WILDCATS fight valiantly against their seemingly inanimate foe; but it is to no avail. Within a matter of minutes the barely dented walls move in around The WILDCATS and kills them all. Unicron then begins to break through the oxygen rich plane of the TSPCB which opens everything up for a full out battle royal between the two squads…

Miracle Dog and Comet the Super Horse break into a super-powered-flying-animal-space battle that is everything that one would expect from a super-powered-flying-animal-space battle. There is a ton of growling and naying and kicking and biting; but eventually Comet catches Miracle with a building shattering double hind leg kick to the chest while the dog simultaneously delivers a massive bite to the horse’s jugular vein so they can join each other in an animalistic death that would have Sarah Mclachlan and Beckerman in tears for weeks.

Dr. Manhattan enters the fray on a much more direct level after he sees Ultraman delightfully laughing after he uses the freshly murdered bodies of Capt. Boomerang and La Femme Nikita as makeshift bludgeoning tools and then chases down Darryl Revok’s X-Wing and rips it apart. The Ultron bot working as The Bad Scanner’s astro droid makes a play against Ultraman; but the Earth 3 Man of Steel easily heat visions the problem out of existence. But Dr. Manhattan and Ultraman make for a bit more of an even match-up. Ultraman moves so quickly towards Manhattan that he is actually able to football tackle him in a corporeal state. Manhattan is able to evade the beating that Ultraman is attempting to give him, as well as his freeze breath and heat vision attacks; but nothing that Manhattan is attempting is exactly putting Ultraman out of commission either. Ultraman makes one final rush at Manhattan; but passes right through the good Dr. An intense flash light overtakes the area which leaves Ultraman in sub-molecular atomic pieces; but strangely enough left a curious look on the face and body of Dr. Manhattan. It is unsure to me if this is even possible; but the blue superhuman appears as if he is….. Tired.

The Presence sits down to have a conversation with Brother Blood and decides that his soul is not worth saving. Which afterlife The Presence sent him to is beyond even my knowledge.

Savage Dragon is one hell of a fighter, but in the end his fighting prowess and strength were still no match for the might of Justice Legion Alpha Superman. But despite the immense power of the Superman of the 853rd Century, he still finds himself a bit mismatched when double-teamed by both Johnny Bates and Bizarro. Although his powers speaking from a technical perspective may be greater than either of the two, they are able to fight through his defensive posture and beat the Superman descendant to a bloody death.

The Great Leviathan, out of nowhere seems to simply appear out of the nothingness and bring the sea with it. The two brave enough, or perhaps unlucky enough to confront it on the onset are Gentleman Ghost and Devil Dinosaur. The non-corporeal form of Gentleman Ghost seems to make no difference to the mythical, biblical creature of epic proportions. Gentleman Ghost is ripped apart as if he were any other man. Devil Dinosaur puts up a significantly better fight; but after Leviathan manages to wrap its long serpent body around the intelligent T-Rex the serpent is able to choke the life right out of him.

Black Lantern Darth Vader and Duncan McLeod experiment for a while with hacking at each other, before BL Vader realizes that McLeod doesn’t die until his head is removed. McLeod obviously never does find out a way to take out Vader.

The two Silk Spectres run to help Korvac and Western Ghost Rider against Sif, Hogun, and Volstagg. “Stop following me”!! Yells the younger of the two. “But you’re my daughter. I don’t want you out of my sight. We can fight side by side and stick together”. “I am not your daughter. You are a version of my mother that exists from before I was born. You know nothing of our relationship as mother and daughter, because it hasn’t even happened for you yet. So go fight somewhere else”!! By the time the two get there though it is too late, as they realize that their talents were not needed. Although Sif managed to take out The horse-riding Western Ghost Rider. Korvac was able to take out Sif and both of her warriors in one enormous cosmic blast.

Korvac arrogantly yells to his teammates as he takes a break: “Well, I’ve taken care of the Avengers B-Team all by myself, do the six of you need a hand with the real thing”?? Korvac is speaking to D’ Spayre, Baron Mordo, Sunfire, Psycho Pirate, Victoria, and Ultron. Korvac hangs back for a minute to see what happens as TEAM seems to make their final attack. Led by Capt. America, The Avengers plus (Red Son) Superman and Supergirl rush forward off of the arm of Unicron onto the TSPCB. D’ Spayre and Baron Mordo hold nothing back as they let loose on their enemies killing Captain America, Thor, Iron Man, Superman, and Supergirl.

“The Avengers are dead!! The hard part is over”!! Screams Tunnel Rat. “Is there anything on this planet, stupider than a human”?? Asks Ultron. The robot continues: “Is anyone here truly dumb enough to think that The Avengers would go down that easily?? Nevermind, don’t answer that. Those weren’t The Avengers you fools. This must have been a…”…….. “TRAP” Rorshach finishes.

Glavatron fires several red lantern laced plasma blasts to clear the path for Supergirl and Ragnarok who come rushing out. They are joined by Black Lantern Vader from the rear, as Team Sleeping Pussy goes on the defensive. Whatever defense they mount though will have to be done without Dr. Manhattan, Dave Bowman, and Korvac, who have flown upwards to face off against Unicron.

Galvatron transforms into robot form and delivers an oversized kick/arm cannon blast combo to put an end to Psycho Pirate, while D’ Spayre uses his power of fear instilment to overload the power of Galvatron’s red lantern ring exploding it and Galvatron’s spark with it. Ragnarok fights back by conjuring enough Asgardian power, artificial as it may be to fry D’ Spayre in place. Even though she is not technically Kryptonian, Supergirl still shows quite a weakness to the power of Baron Mordo’s magical powers, as does Ragnarok. She and he both fall to his powers; but after this display of power, Mordo musters almost no defense to Black Lantern Vader’s black lantern lightsaber going through his chest. BL Vader then takes flight in an attempt to help out Unicron; but Unicron is not exactly known for requiring help…..

Korvac attempts to alter the space around Unicron and then project the energy back towards the massive Transformer; but Unicron simply laughs it off. Mad with power, Unicron seems to choose his form of attack carefully as if to embarrass his opponent by using his pinky finger to flick Korvac out of existence. BL Vader jumps into the mix; but his reformulated black lantern Sith essence is dissipated by the powers of Dr. Manhattan. Unicron, now sick of all the carnage brought forth to his team by Manhattan and Bowman decides to show these young additions to the universe of cosmological power. The billion year old Unicron unleashes his post-post-post humanistic essence from within his spark and demonstrates to the cosmically exhausted Dr. Manhattan what true omnipotence really is as he rips apart The Team Sleeping Pussy star into molecules that he didn’t even yet realize existed.

With the falling of Dr. Manhattan and Korvac, The Starchild realizes that it is he and he alone that can bring an end to the 8 year FFL power reign that has been Unicron. The man once known to earth as Dave Bowman flies in through the eye of Unicron and ushers in a singularity that would normally take trillions of years to undertake. Dave Bowman: The Starchild flies back out of the chest of Unicron and simply watches as the monstrous robot rusts away like an old chunk of steel and is forever drained of his lifeforce.

The Presence then out of nothingness flies in, riding on top of The Leviathan. The Starchild stands at the ready thinking that this must finally be the inevitable face off between science and spirituality. When the antiquated ways of old will be brought to light and ended in order to usher in the true science based singularity. Bowman floats ready, and in a defensive posture, when The Presence and Leviathan calmly fly to him. The Presence reaches out his hand, and as the two touch, all three are transported far away from this now meaningless battle and onto the next level of life… To begin anew…….