Crack Danks is The Planeteers: Earth, Wind, Water, Fire, And Heart, w/ Sachi, Vampire #5-9, Quicksilver w/ Talleyhawk, Flying Monkey #1-5, and Beowolf.
Spence and Vader's House of Sith Aids are Storm Trooper #11-16, 18-50, The Ambiguously Gay Duo of Kyle and Conner, Navy SEAL #1-20, Jedi Youngling #1-15, David son of Jesse, and Fire Bro #1.
It's a beautiful day here this morning at Fox Creek for the First Annual Fantasy Fantasy League Outing. The Crack Danks crew has just shown up to get their golf on; but little did they know that they had offended the wrong people as they signed up for skins and found their carts. Some Livonia Karens were lurking around the course taking their purse dogs out for a walk when they noticed that some of the Crack Dankers were smoking cheep cigars without...... >>wait for it<< THEIR MASKS ON!!!!! Within minutes they had the Mayor on the phone and she deployed an elite team of Statist Storm Troopers and Navy SEALS led by the Ambiguously Gay Duo of Kyle and Conner so the Democrats wouldn't get mad about diversity, while the Republicans were cheering on the thin blue line enforcing law and order.
Quicksilver takes charge of the Crack Dankers at the first sign of trouble and orders The Planeteers to pull out their rings and do their thing. EARTH... WIND... WATER... FIRE... HEART... With their powers combined they form CAPTAIN PLANET. Now, Captain Planet may just be nothing more than a creation of a liberal propaganda machine to convince early Millennials to obsess over climate change; but that doesn't change the fact that his powers are legit and that he do be boppin hard. Captain Planet takes flight and joins the already airborne Quicksilver and Tallyhawk to begin a counter-offensive to the incoming Sith Aids Troops. Navy SEAL #1 sees the plethora of unmasked people and proclaims: "NO FACE DIAPERS TWELVE O'CLOCK. SHOOT TO KILL".
Collateral damage is not an issue when a crime against humanity so severe as not covering your face is happening; which is why the Navy SEALs and Storm Troopers do not hold back, despite numerous "innocents" being present (as if one can be innocent whilst not wearing a mask). The golf putting green becomes the putting red as the course turned battlefield becomes soaked with the blood of non-rule followers.
The Planeteers, being fresh out of their gender identity courses in College begin bowing down to Kyle and Conner for their brave choice of being not straight. Kyle and Conner reward their wokeness by brutally murdering them with their Magic Rainbow Swords. Luckily they had already summoned Captain Planet, which is the only useful thing about them anyway. Sachi, hid in Conner's freshly painted pink Mazda for cover from the socially accepted violence.
David, pulls his slingshot out from his golf bag and starts taking Flying Monkeys out of the sky like a boss with wicked accurate head shots. Meanwhile, the Storm Troopers and SEALS start lighting up the vamps with their blasters and M4A1s. This is preseason, so we are going to ignore how they were able to kill the vamps without stakes through the heart or other traditional means (that is what it do Yugi).
Captain Planet calls Joe Biden and wakes him up in the oval office to get permission to put the Jedi Younglings in cages. The POTUS approves and they all starve to death in the "Covid protection capsules"; but the media doesn't report on it so it's all good.
David tosses his golf ball aside and grabs a sharp rock off the ground. He takes out Talleyhawk with a perfect shot to his neck. Quicksilver gets straight up furious at the sight of his bird side kick going down and lights up David like it ain't no thang with his Silverhawk skillz.
The SEALS and Troopers surround Beowolf who many of you may think is the mythological figure from that weird half animated movie from a while back, but it isn't. It is the enormous human-brained, massive cyborg machine from the Dune Universe (seriously kids, it's cool. Try turning the TV off and picking up a book every once in a while). Beowolf, who has remained silent for most of this match is surrounded by the attacking SEALS and Troops, who he annihilates with his lasguns.
Quicksilver yells to Captain Planet: "Hey let's double team that Fire Bro".
"Sounds Hot" Conner says, not understanding the situation.
"Talk about it Conner, like: Don't threaten me with a good time" Kyle says in retort.
They are then shocked as the Silverhawk leader and Environmental icon destroy the Fire Bro and don't seem to notice when Beowolf steps on them both with his monstrous metal appendages.
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