Spoiler Sport Week 2

Hello everyone, a returning Cotton McKnight here. Welcome to Spoiler Sport. Here on The Ocho!
Week Two's Waters of Usul's Homeworld determined which teams would rise above in the standings, and which teams would continue to sink to the murky depths of oblivion.

We start in the Lucas Conference, where B-3 wasted no time showing REAL MAN'S RABBLEROUSERS their place in the League. REAL MAN stacked the deck against himself, then continued to sabotage himself further. The word "curb-stomp" has never been more true. With this win, The Backyardigans are looking to be back in their usual fighting shape.

Between Nazis, drugs, Nazi drugs, white power, a PSA by G.I. Joe's Duke, and TWO Jar Jar Binks, Earth 2 Superman returned to active duty with a vengeance, playing a key role in the win against The Grindhouse!

Things started off bad for The Empire, and things only got worse as The Midgets seemed close to a victory. The Silver Surfer and Full Spectrum Kyle Rayner finally ended their self-imposed exile and saved the day for The Empire. They continue their surpisingly successful start to the season!

In a rematch from the Semi-Final match last year, George Washington's Slaves again confronted The Horsemen of Apokolips, with both teams looking to add another chapter to their already storied rivalry! Unfortunately, The Slaves had a bad flashback to the last meeting, despite the return of legendary Slave Santa Claus. A single Seaworm was the only survivor for The Horsemen, proving that win or lose, any confrontation with The Slaves will have it's cost.

Over in The Lee Conference, Mitchy's Luminous Tentacle Warriors seemed to be right at home in the sea, and delivered The Royal Highness a water beating worthy of a king. With two ocean gods on their side, The Warriors continue their winning ways against a sidewinding Highness. Will Mitchy's streak continue? Only time will tell!

As far as the battle between Brock Sampson's Fighting Murderflies and Charles Barkley's Turrible Decisions it can be summed up like this: Nub Nub, Sweet sweet lovin, Care Becks rocks, Aku gets hard, and Phoenix Force Namor with the win for The Barkleys! As always, do yourself a favor and see the entire match, as well as many others, on FFL on Demand!

The contest between Team Sleeping Pussy and Griswold's Nut-Busters featured a look at the cold reality of The FFL for some of the combatants. Bodies may be broken on a weekly basis in this League, but rare is the insight to the breaking of a man's spirit. Hopefully The Sea Captain will take advantage of the many FFL support groups that are available to characters, completely free of charge.

We all know the FFL can be a dark place at times, but we shall not forget the occasional rays of light that also shine through the darkness. Love was flowing freely through the TEAM and Layanderlett's Super Orange Kitties and Cats Living Together to Make a New Family's battle! The kind of love that can only be felt by a man in an imploding submarine...

We now get an update on the Graveyard points, courtesy of Pepper Brooks. Pepper!!!

"Muh muhmu muh muhh muhhh mmuh muhmuhmuh muh muh muhmuh muhmuh muhmuh muhmuhmuh muhmuh muh muhmuh muhmuhmuh! Muh muhmu muh muh muhmu muhmuhmu muh muhmuh muhmuhmuh muh muh muhh muh muh muh m uh m! Muh muhmuh muh muh mmmmmuhhhh muh muuuh muh muh muhhhhmmmmuuh!!!"

As always, thanks to Pepper for the detailed report! Keep up the rehab, your results are spectacular! That's all the time we have for tonight, but tune in next week when the action resumes from The Windy City of Chicago! Does the nickname "Second City" mean a second chance for losing teams, or is it simply a second helping of the beatings that they've suffered so far? Stay tuned for Chess Boxing, up next live from Amsterdam here on The Ocho! For The Ocho, I'm Cotton McKnight, thank you, and goodnight.      

Season 7 - Standings

SEASON 7 FINAL STANDINGS

George Lucas Conference
Steven Spielberg Division
z-Horsemen  - 8 - 1
w-Midgets  - 6 - 3
Backyardigans  - 5 - 4
Grindhouse  - 1 - 8

Arthur C. Clarke Division
x-Slaves  - 6 - 3
w-Commandos  - 5 - 4
Empire  - 5- 4
Rabble Rousers  - 2 - 7

Stan Lee Conference
J.R.R. Tolkien Division
y-TEAM  - 7 - 2
Mitchy  - 4 - 5
Nut Busters  - 4 - 5
Murderflies  - 3 - 6

Frank Herbert Division
x-Turrible Decisions  - 5 - 4
w-Team S.P.  - 4 - 5
w-Layanderlett  - 4 - 5
Highness  - 3 - 6

z- Best Record in League
y-Best Record in Conference
x-Best Record in Division
w-Wild Card Playoff Team

Season 7, Week 2: President Barack Obama and Miley Cyrus' Touring Battalion of Commandos vs. The Mickey Mouse Grindhouse

The Commandos are: Earth 2 Superman, Vampire Orion, Heimdall, Captain Marvel (Mar-Vell), Duke (G.I. Joe) w/GL Ring, Gungan Soldiers #11-28, Metroid #1, and Black Lantern Jar Jar Binks.

The Grindhouse is: Killer Shark, Siren, Xebel Soldiers #15-19, Blue Lantern Kyle Rayner w/ Ion’s GL Ring, White Lantern Abin Sur, Arkillo, Deadman, Donald Duck w/ RL Ring, Jar Jar Binks.


  Ah, the waters of Usul’s homeworld; so watery, so homeworld-ly. Though many exotic fish traverse these waters, none can compare to Killer Shark’s submarine The Killer Whale. Yes, I know the whale is a mammal, but this is a submarine and therefore a fish. Siren and her Xebel Soldiers swam alongside the vessel while Abin Sur, Kyle Rayner, and Deadman tailed them from a safe distance above the surface. Fellow Nazis Arkillo, Donald Duck, and Jar Jar Binks rode along from within. “Aren’t you supposed to be big and scaly or something?” Donald asked. “That’s Killer Croc. I’m Killer Shark, they don’t even sound the same.” Donald rolled his eyes. “Sure, pal. So what IS your power anyway?”

“I don’t HAVE any. Like all Nazis, I have fish-themed vehicles and I make drugs, or… take drugs or something, I don’t know, I’m on too many drugs to remember. I feel like I’m in that terrible Beatles cartoon.” The radar pinged. “Speak of the devil, blue meanies ahead!” On the surface Duke, Heimdall, and Black Lantern Jar Jar were treading water with no helpful submarines to relax in. A flow of bubbles rose from the water below them. “Ugh, was that you Jar Jar? That’s nasty.” Duke complained. The actual source, approaching fast, was air escaping from the open jaws of the Killer Whale. Faster than BL Jar Jar could make an obligatory goober fish reference, the three were swallowed up by the ship and raised into the cramped deck. “Welcome aboa- Whoa, Jar Jar, I think I’m seeing double. There’s no way Nazi God would allow two of you in one reality. But hey, any of you guys want some of these weird Altoids®? Don’t crunch them, you gotta let them melt on your tongue.” Duke conjured some brass knuckles with his ring and punched Killer Shark’s nose into his brain. “Drugs are for terrorists, you Nazi nerd! Knowing is half the battle!” As Duke gave a self-important thumbs up to Heimdall, Arkillo pounced and began bashing his face. Their teammates joined in and a submarine brawl commenced.

The Gungan soldiers saw Black Lantern Jar Jar eaten by the submarine and were busy trying to pry it open again when concussive blasts of water started knocking them around. Siren's soldiers killed six of the Gungans before they realized what was happening, but their retaliation was immediate. Above them Deadman, Kyle and Abin Sur arrived with the misfortune of having to engage Earth-2 Superman, Mar-Vell, and Vampire Orion. "Back, scourge of undeath! White power compels you!" Abin commanded, forcing the New God away with a burning cross formed from his ring's light. Blue Lantern Rayner had high hopes when he started firing on Superman, but his will just wasn't powerful enough. While Kyle struggled to hold back the irritated Kryptonian, Deadman possessed the body of Mar-Vell and rushed to assist, grabbing the stunned Orion in a chokehold and allowing Abin to drive a white light stake through his undead heart. The duo turned on Superman as he broke through Rayner's shields. He Space Jams Kyle through the submarine and associated submarine brawl, sending five good warriors and two Jar-Jars hurtling into the ocean depths. Abin Sur gave his stolen ally a set of hulk-sized light fists and restrained Superman while Mar-Vell brought a flying punch to his gut. Superman was flung and skidded across the water's surface, but a wave burst behind him as he shifted his momentum and flew back to the fight. Abin braced himself in a bubble of life energy, but when the blow connected the bubble shot into the distance. Superman flew the other direction, and the two met on the other side of the planet. The force burst bubble instantly, and the lantern bounced off Supes' fist with a grisly crack before dropping to the water. Superman seized his turned teammate and stared him in Deadman's eyes. "I don't know why you're working with them, and I don't care. All I know is, you're not the Captain Marvel who's worth my time." He broke the possessed Kree's neck without warning, returning Boston Brand to death in the process. He noticed the fight in the water for the first time, seeing that Siren and what little remained of her forces were busy hacking apart the last of his Gungan allies. In an instant, his heat vision boiled the water, cooking the last of his enemies alive. As he contemplated his victory, his Metroid ally floated by like a jellyfish in the steaming water. Surviving as Metroids often do, it flew up and hovered near Superman. "Where were you all match, tough guy?"

Season Se7en: Week 2: Brock Sampson's Fighting Murderflies vs Charles Barkley's Turrible Decisions

Charles Barkley's Turrible Decisions: Krakoa, Oceanus, Tethys, Phoenix Force Namor, Beast Boy, Animal Man, Aku, Princess Ariel, Navy SEAL Chief #14, Navy SEAL #46, Navy SEAL #47, Care Becks & Treasure Troll #20.

Brock Sampson's Fighting Murderflies: Miss Martian, The Wonder Twins: Zan and Jayna, The Shark, Lobo the Duck, Katara (the water bender), Hondo Maclean in Sea Attack, Sly Rax in Piranha, Navy SEAL #28, Dorf, and Ewok #31-34 in a Swift Boat, Navy SEAL #29 and Ewok #29 & 30 in a Hovercraft, Opee Sea Killer #4 & 5, The Lochness Monster, Zombie Godzilla.

Somewhere in the middle of the beautiful waters of Usul, a lonely swift boat floats randomly in the darkness.

Ewok #31: So I've been reading up on Judeo Christian ideals and I think I have a really great idea for a horror/action movie.

Ewok #33: If it has something to do with dog's being alien's then I think you are already late to the party.

Ewok #31: It doesn't and how would that have anything to do with Christianity?

Ewok #33: You know, aliens and stuff like that might prove that god doesn't exist or maybe the dogs are smarter then people. Plus the whole dog being god spelled backwards could have come up at some point.

Ewok #31: No it has nothing to do with the English spelling of God and Dog, something that came literally thousands of years after the concept of God and dogs came about.

Ewok #32: Please tell the story already. I love your stories!

Ewok #31: Okay, so you guys have heard of the concept of Original Sin right?

Ewok #33: Yes I am familiar.

Ewok #32: Is that the story? Because if it is I don't see how you could make a movie out of it. It was more like an open ended question then a story.

Ewok #31: No it wasn't the story. How would that be a story? I was asking you guys because if you didn't understand the concept of Original Sin then I was going to explain them to you.

Ewok #32: That's like when you are a baby and everyone thinks you are annoying so they put you in another room and let you cry until you finally fall asleep right?

Ewok #31: Yes, that is exactly what original sin is. So the story follows this guy who is part of a world that is ruled by Satan. There would probably be a small prologue before the movie talking about how the world welcomed Satan with open arms, living in sin, blah blah blah sort of thing.

Ewok #33: Okay, pretty standard stuff.

Ewok #31: But you get the jist, Satan rules the place and after a while a small group of people realize that Satan can't be defeated. First it just seems like we brought him into power and it is us keeping him in power but after a while it becomes apparent that he is still in power because nobody can defeat him and send him back to hell.

Ewok #32: That reminds me of this time when I was little and this kid took over this fort that my friends and I had made and for the longest time we couldn't get it back and then like one day, his family moved away and we got the fort back.

Ewok #31: So like I was saying, people start to catch on to the fact that Satan cannot be defeated. They send armies after him, they nuke him...

Ewok #33: So it's like Independence Day with Satan?

Ewok #31: No, well maybe a little bit, but then one day this guy who has never bought into any of the religious crap comes up with the idea that maybe nobody on this plane of existence can defeat Satan because everybody here has been striped of Original Sin. So in order for this guy to defeat Satan he has to get his Original Sin back.

Ewok #33: I hope your not thinking what I'm thinking when it comes to how this guy gets his original sin back.

Ewok #31: Why what are you thinking?

Ewok #33: It involves the guy's mother if you get where I'm going.

Ewok #31: Oh god, it does not involve this guy's mother. So what do you think?

Ewok #33: Eh it's not bad, I mean maybe a low grade B movie or something. Not A-list material or anything. You could probably get Erik Estrada or that blonde chick's husband who killed Regis to star in it.

Ewok #31: Well I think we can do better then that. Anyways where are we going?

Ewok #33: I am not sure this Navy Seal guy knows what he's doing.

Ewok #31: I sure hope he does because this is dullsville.

Ewok #33: I know, I am so bored.

Ewok #32: As long as there is Halloween I will never be bored.

Navy SEAL# 28: What are they yammering on about down there?

Dorf: I don't know but it sure is dark out here. I can't see a thing.

Navy SEAL #28: Well when you've been a SEAL as long as me you get used to the dark. It becomes a part of you. It is actually kind of comforting.

Dorf: So you don't mind that we are just floating out here with no chance of survival.

Navy SEAL #28: That is a bulls@$# attitude solider. I will not accept that on my ship.

Dorf: First Mr. SEAL this is not a ship and second we are fighting in the water this week and we did not start any of our Kaiju. I'm not saying giving up, I'm just saying we had a shot to win and we pretty much flushed it down the toilet.

Navy SEAL #28: I will not accept this from a teammate (a noise in the distance gets louder and louder) Shhhh, stop talking.

Dorf: I wasn't, you were yelling at me.

Navy SEAL #28: Yelling? You call that yelling, I can show you yelling.

Phoenix Force Namor: SHUT UPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!!!

Namor then flies up on the swift boat and crashes into it. The boat violently turns over, allowing Namor the opportunity to bring the boat along with its crew to the bottom of the ocean, killing them all in the process.

Namor: The idea that creatures of such low breeding should exist makes my skin crawl.

Miss Martian: I completely agree with you, though why you think you are any better is of much more concern to me.

Namor: You must be M'gann, I have heard very little of you and your heritage but from what I am seeing I already have great respect.

Miss Martian: Oh yes, the great Namor. I have heard no women can resist your charms. Luckily I am of another world and doubt they would have little effect on me.

Namor: A challenge issued I see. Well if you can just give me a scant few minutes of your time I would love to test pedestrian ideas of attraction.

Miss Martian: Not being one to allow such an invasion of my penetralia I would usually say no...but for some reason I will give you your time. Please begin.

(On the other side of the sea)

Lobo the Duck: Nice mask a$$hole, did DipS@#$ USA have a sale on Retard Day costumes?

The Shark: Suck it Duck F#@$

Princess Ariel: How about you suck this you Amalgam pieces of s#$#!

The Shark: I'm not Amalgam.

Princess Ariel: Possession is nine tenths of the law.

The Shark: Huh?

Princess Ariel sends a blast of crystallized ice fragments at the two Murderflies, cutting both of their heads off before they even begin to understand the nonsense the Barbarian Princess is spouting at them.

Beast Boy who is in the form of a great white shark swims up to her.

Beast Boy: What the hell were you talking about back there?

Princess Ariel: Absolutely nothing. I generally bring up something nonsensical to somebody before battle as a gauge to how they will be in a fight. Both of them seemed far more interested in trying to figure out my word salad instead of defending themselves, which left them both defenseless. It's a simple tactic that I learned long ago.

Beast Boy: Well okay then. By the way, I'm starving. You see anybody I can eat around here?

Princess Ariel: Um not really. Why don't you check with Namor. I've seen him flying around the place, he might have seen something.

Beast Boy: All right, sounds good. See you around.

Princess Ariel: Take care buddy.

(Near the island of Krakoa)

Care Becks: Why did they put me in charge of this stupid Treasure Troll?

The Treasure Troll just smiles and stares back up at its caretaker.

Care Becks: Though I wonder if anyone would mind if I did a little experiment out here.

Care Becks takes the Treasure Troll and slowly pulls it under the water. The Trolls hair instantly loses its Krameresque form and begins to float along with the current. Care Becks stares at the Trolls face to see if it showing any signs of struggle underneath the water. He waits a good ten minutes before bringing it back up to the surface only to find out that nothing has happened.

Care Becks: Huh, no s#$#, it's still alive. Or maybe (starting to freak out) maybe they are not alive to begin with.

Care Becks then chucks the Troll out into the ocean and watches it float on the surface of the water. The Navy SEAL's who are floating in the water around the island come over to Care Becks to see what the hell is going on.

Navy SEAL #46: What the hell just happened over here?

Care Becks: I got rid of that creepy little s#$#, it's just not natural.

Navy SEAL #47: Did you throw your own teammate into the water?

Care Becks: Yeah, so what. It's not like he'll be dying anytime soon. Did you know those things don't need air to live? I am starting to think they can't be killed. What if they are the most powerful creatures in this entire world? How can we defeat them? I'm freaking the f#$@ out right now man!

Navy SEAL Chief #14: 46, go retrieve that little guy before any more damage is done to him.

NS #46: Yes sir.

As Navy Seal #46 approaches the small troll he notices the water below him darken up a bit. He takes notice and puts his scuba mask on and takes a look down below. It is very dark so he turns on his waterproof flashlight. As he looks around for a moment he thinks he sees a large entanglement of seaweed but before he is able to react he realizes that the darkness isn't seaweed at all, unless of course seaweed on this world comes equipped with a massive pair of jagged teeth.

The Opee Sea Killer (#4) then swims up to the surface and pulls the Navy SEAL (#46) and the Treasure Troll into his mouth, swallowing them whole.

Navy SEAL Chief: Move, Move. We need to get back to land immediately. That thing came up to the surface; our Intel clearly stated they were unable to break the surface.

Navy SEAL #47: They were swallowed whole; they didn't stand a chance out there. How are we going to fair any differently?

Navy SEAL Chief: Just get a move on and stop talking.

Care Becks: On the other hand and maybe this is too soon but I will always have respect for a b#$%& who swallows without having to be asked.

With that both Navy SEAL members and Care Becks slowly attempted to make their way to the island but despite their best attempts, eventually met the same fate as their unfortunate teammates.

(Meanwhile back to the spot with the arrogant ones)

Miss Martian: This is what you call a cigarette?

Namor: It sure is, it goes quite well with the post coital haze.

Miss Martian: Indeed it does. Usually the fire affects me in the most negative way but for some reason I am calm around it right now.

Namor: I suppose you can send your thanks this way.

Miss Martian: My regards indeed, though instead of just sending a thank you I was thinking of sending something much more worthwhile.

Namor: A card would be most unnecessary.

Miss Martian: A card was not what I had in mind.

Namor: Well yes, I suppose that would be...oh lord; you're not affected by fire anymore are you.

Miss Martian sends psionic blast towards Namor, sending him several hundred yards into the distance.

Miss Martian: No I am not. I might just send you a card after all.

Miss Martian then flies over to Namor and begins to beat on him while taking him deeper and deeper into the water. Namor knowing M'gann is reading his thoughts says, "Bring me underwater, not the best move you could have made" to which she replied "Normally I would agree with you but in my case, I believe an exception can me made".

M'gann then invoked her superior telekinetic power over Namor and convinced him that his best chance for survival would be to find the zombified Godzilla and let him devour him. As Namor left to find the great beast, M'gann left to find a fight more worthy of her abilities.

(Underwater battles in progress)

Sly Rax: Come on Opee, give me some help over here.

Both Beast Boy and Animal Man are attacking the small submarine whose armor is quickly being dented to hell.

Sly Rax: Seriously, anyone who can give me a hand here would be nice.

Moments later The Lochness Monster cruises right into the action and takes a huge bite out of Animal Man, mortally wounding the socially conscience superhero.

Beast Boy: Oh eff you Nessie, nobody messes with Buddy without paying the price from me.

As everyone knows in this post Twilight world that we live in, the nickname Nessie no longer holds the same cache as it did before, especially in the eyes of the Lochness Monster. Which in laymen's terms means that the Lochness monster no longer accepts that as his moniker. Given he would have always rather gone by his given name, Gus, but before Stephanie Meyer destroyed any legitimacy that the name held, he could stomach Nessie. Unfortunately for Beast Boy, this was no longer the case.

Beast Boy: Oh that's right Nessie, come to papa.

The fight between the Great White looking Beast Boy and Gus was better then I thought it was going to be, but ultimately the Lochness Monster prevailed.

(Back on the surface)

Hondo: Man I love this boat. Nothing better then this boat. A drink might be better now that I think of it. I wonder if there are any bars in this place.

Just as the thought appeared to him he noticed an island in the distance.

Hondo: Looks like the place to be to me.

Hondo then drove his boat to the island and got out. Once on the island Hondo saw nothing but bikini clad bartenders, serving the best island drinks one could think of. He was having a grand old time hitting on every manner of beautiful woman in sight. This was all naturally in his mind as the island he landed on was Krakoa and was making him believe whatever he wanted to believe was true. Through the islands mutated chemistry, the plants were able to create hallucinations via gases and airborne pheromones.

Hondo: (Grabbing his communicator) Yo Raxy, get your ass up to the surface man. This place is amazing.

Sly Rax: Where the hell are you? Are you in the locker room still?

Hondo: No way man, up on land. They got this bar that (starting to feel lightheaded) that, what was I saying?

Sly Rax: You all right man?

Hondo: Who is this? Where am I?

Sly Rax: You called me, I don't have a clue.

Hondo: Well good then, I'm just going to go to sleep then. Goodnight.

Sly Rax: Hondo. Hondo! Oh crap.

Hondo then lied down on the sandy beach of Krakoa; never to awaken again as the poisoness gases finally settled him down to a peaceful death.

Sly Rax: Okay then, I am guessing heading towards land is not exactly in our best interest. Better stick with Nessie down here and keep a close eye on things.

(Oh look, a battle in progress)

Aku: Oh boy, oh boy, is that all you got?

Katara: Why isn't anything working on you?

Katara then manipulates the water into a massive tidal wave that came crashing down on the shape-shifting villain. The Water came crashing down upon the now massive rock statue standing in the middle of the great body of water.

Aku: Oh yes, poor all over me. The water feels so wonderful on my rock hard skin. OH GOD DO I LOVE BEING ROCK HARD ALL OVER. Please cover the great Aku with your loving water cream.

Katara: Oh dear, my water is having no effect on you. Let's see what you do with the absence of water.

Katara then manipulated the water once more, only this time instead of crashing the water down on him, she took it all away from him.

Aku: I want that water on me. Give me back my water. Though if you won't give me what I want, maybe I will try something of my own.

In an instant the large stone statue vanished. Katara looked around in disbelief. After a moment she brought the water back down to the ocean floor, causing a great crash unlike anything I have ever seen. After about twenty minutes or so the water began to calm down. That was when Katara started to scream. She writhed in agony, not knowing where the pain was coming from. The screaming went on for a while and then all of a sudden it stopped.

Katara kind of just floated in the water for a while, her lifeless body just moving with the flow of the water when out of nowhere, her head burst open from the inside and out came Aku, growing before my very eyes.

Aku: (The water crashing over him) Ah yes, there is my beautiful water.

(Hovercraft Scene: ACTION!)

Navy SEAL #29: Okay you little fur balls, look out for enemy forces.

Princess Ariel sends a light blast towards the hovercraft, destroying it with a single wave of energy.

Princess Ariel: Huh, that was easier then I thought it was going to be.

Miss Martian: That's funny; I was just thinking the same thing about this.

Megan shot a psionic blast at the head of Princess Ariel, knocking her out completely. She then proceeded to drown the princess without a moment of regret or ill thought towards the action.

Zan: That was a tad brutal Jayna don't cha think?

Jayna: I'd agree with you normally Zan but I've been watching a lot of Tarentino lately and I have to admit that the hyper violence is starting to turn me on.

Zan: Well that's nice sis, I mean I guess that's nice.

Jayna: It REALLY gets me off bro. REALLY gets me going if you know what I mean. I'm so wet right now.

Zan: Ummmm

Jayna: You know, cause we're on a water planet right now. HAHAHAHAHAA!!!

Zan: Um. Yeah.

Jayne: It turns me on Zan. All that death. All that blood. It turns me on, almost as much as you do.

Jayna then grabbed her brother and started to violently make out with him. After the initial shock Zan pushed his sister away from him and screamed.

Zan: What is wrong with you sister?

Jayna: Oh Zan, my dear brother. Nothing. What. So. EVERRRRRRR.

As Jayna said Ever, she morphed back into Aku.

Zan: You're not my sister, where is my Jayna?

Aku: Your Jayna, who's the sicko now.

Aku then laughed again and without thought tore a hole right through the Wonder Twin member's larynx. As Zan quickly bled out in the water, he noticed his real sister's lifeless body floating in the body next to him.

(Back to the Island)

All was calm at the island, where the hell is everyone?

(Oh look, it's the Opee Seas Killers)

The Opee Sea Killers swam under the water looking for Godzilla. Once they finally located him they lead him to the living island of Krakoa. Opee Sea Killer #5 stayed with the massive lizard while Opee Sea Killer #4 went to go find the rest of his team.

(Miss Martian is Peeved)

Miss Martian: You've had your fun now have you not Aku.

Aku: Fun, you CALL THAT FUN. Now this my dear, is fun.

Aku then shifted into the same form as M'gann, making it difficult for me to distinguish between the two of them.

(Underwater once more)

Opee Sea Killer #4 reached Gus and Sly, telling them to follow her to the island. Given, Sly had no clue what was going on but since he trusted Gus, he followed along as well.

(Back to the Martians)

One of the Miss Martians has the upper hand but I am not one hundred percent sure who it is. That is until the one on the left seemingly vanished into thin air. I am still not sure what one it is, but I suppose it is possible one of them is dead. For right now, let's say it was the fake Martian who bit it.

(Back at the island)

Godzilla may be dead but damn is he still a bada$$. He had finally come out of the water and is breathing the worst smelling fire-breathe imaginable down on Krakoa. After about a half hour of hell fire, Godzilla held back and stared down at the ash-covered ground that once was the beautiful island of Krakoa. Godzilla continued to mindlessly stare at the burnt island, something that seemed normal to me, as he is a zombie after all.

Then his brown desiccating flesh slowly started to turn into a yellowish orange. This took a while to finally make much of a difference but after several minutes of glowing the flesh started to burn off from the inside out until his entire body was engulfed in flames. Where once the mighty creature stood, now in its place was a thousand foot tall carcass of fire. Once the carcass finally burned out all that was left was a burning bright Namor, full of the Phoenix Force.

(Earlier in the Match)

Namor knowing M'gann is reading his thoughts said, "Bring me underwater, not the best move you could have made" to which she replied "Normally I would agree with you but in my case, I believe an exception can me made".

The Phoenix Force: Clever Miss M'orzz, where shall you bring us next?

M'gann then invoked her superior telekinetic power over Namor and convinced him that his best chance for survival would be to find the zombified Godzilla and let him devour him.

The Phoenix Force: The great beast it is. I shall see this one to the end. To watch everything you have fought for go down in glorious flames.

As Namor left to find the great beast, M'gann left to find a fight more worthy of her abilities.

Only she did not realize that Namor was not the one who was ultimately in charge.

(At long last, the end is nigh)

Miss Martian in the distance watched as the zombified Godzilla burned to a cinder. She left one fight that she thought she had won and headed towards another. As she made her way towards the towering inferno she saw the Phoenix engulfed Namor hovering in the center of the burning beast.

Miss Martian: Namor, you found a way to survive after all.

The Phoenix Force: (Laughs) Namor, oh Miss M'orzz, I am so much more then that.

The Phoenix Force then took control of M'gann and sent a blinding pain through her brain, making M'gann grab her head in agony. She screamed and nearly passed out due to the pain; making it impossible for her to access any of her powers. In the end though it was nothing more then her own weakness that undid her, as the barrier she had built up due to her time with Namor finally left her. As she finally lost control of her senses she plummeted down to the water and began to slowly lose her physical form until there was nothing left of her at all.

Sly Rax: Oh crap, I need to get out of here.

Aku: Well not before you give me what I want.

Sly Rax: Where the hell is that coming from.

A Treasure Troll that Sly did not remember being there only moments before began talking to him.

Aku: Do you want to give me what I want!!!

Sly Rax: Ummm, what do you want little guy?

Aku: I WANT WATERRRRRR!!!!!!!

Aku then grew his body ten times the size of the Treasure Troll, bursting the submarine apart, sending Sly down towards a watery grave. As Sly let out his final breathe he saw his remaining teammates heading towards the same fate as himself. The Opee Sea Killers and the Lochness Monster all sank down to the bottom of this endless ocean.

Oceanus: Well sister, I suppose we could have done that from the beginning.

Tethys: Yes brother, but what fun would that have been. I've always been very fond of seeing creatures drown in their natural habitat. Such interesting phenomenon chemistry is. Remove one molecule from the water and it changes everything.

Oceanus: Science, be careful there my dear. A dangerous game indeed you are playing.

Tethys: I know, though it is a dangerous game that we have won.

Oceanus: Indeed it is.

*I borrowed one line of dialogue from Lena Dunham in this match. Thank you very much and I am sorry for that. It just fit so perfectly.

S7W2: The Empire vs The Sisterhood of Traveling Midgets

The Empire is:

Silver Surfer, White Lantern Swamp Thing, Sy-Klone, Full Spectrum Kyle Rayner (w/ full spectrum of rings), Frog Man, Throg, Riptide, Harpoon, Hannibal King, Wartole, Blastois, Danger Duck & Cindel Towani (w/ Star Wand).

The Midgets are:

Qwsp, Charybidis, Namora, Namorita, Seaspray, Salacious B. Crumb, Blue Toad (w/ a Yoshi Egg), Yellow Toad, Squirtle & Sharkticon #33-38.

The Emipre is dropped into the sea from, lets say, 50 feet.  Why? Because I want to watch that little girl who was raised by ewoks scream for a while.  Most of the team has no problem with the drop.  But as suspected, the fall stuns the young Cindel Towani as she screams like a little girl (oh, wait) and with a loud smack, hits the surface. She thrashes uncontrollably for a moment until the water goes still and claims her life.

More screams of pain are heard as Hannibal King struggles with the bright sunlight from above.  WL Swamp thing hurries to form a makeshift shelter for his teammate by commanding the lilypads and seaweed to hover over his head.

Meanwhile, The Midgets are gently placed in the water ever so carefully.  The team is organized and instantly the Sharkticons take off toward the scattered Empire.  Seaspray is in boat form and Squirtle, Yellow and Blue Toad and Salacious B. Crumb climb on top.  Seaspray speeds toward the Empire’s Pokemon who will hopefully be easy pickings for his tiny crew.  Wartole and Blastois are trying to fend off an attack from Sharkticon #33 first.  Blastois is successful at killing the robot as it devours his friend.  Seaspray runs over the rocket toting turtle and he lands on the deck of the autobot after being kicked up in the wake.  Blue and Yellow Toad take turns jumping on his head while Squirtle rips the rocket launcher from his back.  Salacious just laughs, “AAAH-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA”.  Yellow toad rolls the now unconscious Blastois into the water where he quickly sinks and drowns in his sleep.

“Sweet!” Says Squirtle, “now I got a rocket launcher!”

Silver Surfer and FS Kyle Rayner (projecting his own board using his rings) are having a fun time surfing together in the waves caused by Seaspray. “Should we help out?” asks Rayner to his pal.

“Naw,” Replies the Surfer, “I’m sure they can handle this.”

Back in the fight, The Empire continues to take a pounding.  Frog Man leaps and with a long stretch of his tongue, devours the mighty Qwsp as his lunch.  The tiny imp does not sit well with him and he pukes up his meal like a prom queen at McDonald’s.  As everyone knows, Sharkticons love vomit.  Attracted to the scent, Sharkticons 35 and 36 kill the Frog Man together as they fight for his delicious bile.  Sy-Klone swims at the two sharks and, spinning his arms rapidly, is able to pound the pair until they are rendered useless.  Namora moves in to engage Sy-Klone and they are locked in a fierce battle.  Sy-Klone decides to start swimming circles around her with his arms in the air to distract her.  

“Guess what I’m using as a propeller baby!”  Says the Masters hero.

Enticed by his spinning member, Charbidis comes up from the depths to drag Sy-Klone down to his death.  The distraction appears to have worked because Hannibal King is able to get a shot off from his pistol as he has moved his little plant hut close enough to put an incendiary bullet into her neck.  Before she dies and sinks, she lunges at the vampire and breaks his nose.  She tears away the plants protecting him from the sun and the last sound she hears is him bursting into flames in the open water.

WL Swamp thing has taken to the depths with Riptide to take out Charbidis.  Swampy commands the seaweed to wrap around the monster like a straight jacket.  Riptide then creates a cyclone of water to launch the monster clear out of the water and he dies on some rocks or something.  I didn’t notice where he landed because right then Namorita comes up behind Swamp Thing and grabs him around the face and neck killing him with the corrosive acid from her hands.  Riptide turns and only sees his dead teammate as Namorita has changed her skin to camouflage herself with the ocean floor.  As he goes to swim toward the surface she drags him back under and flings him into the awaiting open maw of Sharkticon #38.

Danger Duck starts to shoot some of his power orb eggs at the oncoming Seaspray.  The eggs turn into some big wooden barrels which cause the Transformer to thrash and turn sharply as he tries to avoid the debris.  This sends Yellow Toad overboard and Danger Duck is quickly able to run a fist into his soft skull.  Seaspray is circling around for another pass and as Danger Duck begins to shoot more eggs, Blue Toad drops his Yoshii Egg and out pops the iconic dinosaur (dragon?).  Yoshii gobbles up the first egg that comes their way and fires it back at Danger Duck just as it turns into an Acme brand anvil.  The anvil stuns the Duck and he is eaten by the passing Sharkticon #37 who is also now out of commision as his jaw breaks off when he clamps down on the anvil.

Sharkticon #38 emerges after devouring Riptide and gets a harpoon to the eye from… you guessed it… Harpoon.  Harpoon then shoots several electrically charged harpoons into the side of the passing Seaspray.  This shuts down his mechanical systems and he is unable to transform into dude form or whatever its called.  The electricity shocks the hull of the ship and the volts are too much for Blue Toad who is now lightly toasted.  Squirtle returns fire with his new found rocket launcher at Harpoon and turns him into a red mist.  Throg lands on the deck and blasts Crumb in the face with his tiny little hammer turning it into mush.  Throg then goes to work on the brain of Seaspray and with half a dozen smashes, the autobot is no more and begins to sink.  Squirtle takes another shot and the explosion sends both him and Throg into the water.  Sharkticon #34 is waiting and proceeds to gobble up the frog god.

“Think we should go help them now?” Rayner asks Silver Surfer

“I suppose,” replies the Surfer. “But the blue crush is wicked awesome today!”

Kyle Rayner flies toward Namorita who is now hoisting the tiny Pokemon on her shoulders.  He is firing off shots that are being easily deflected.

“Sorry little guy,” says Namorita “but I gotta do this.  Wait as long as you can to fire.”  She then launches Squirtle and both him and Rayner are now in a game of chicken.  Squirtle fires his last rocket just as Rayner is about to run him over.  The blast obviously kills Squirtle and Rayner is stunned.  He looks around to get his bearings and Sharkticon #34 lunges at the lantern and is feasting on his arm.  Rayner is able to get a blast of energy off but is not able to shake the robot remains from his arm off fast enough.  Rayner looks up to see Namorita, who has taken flight above him, bearing down and she finishes him off with a punch in the top of his head.

Namorita looks for her last opponent and sees the Silver Surfer floating on the water about 25 yards out.  She is about to take off after him when she notices he is not standing on his board.

She sighs to herself, “OH SH--”