Team Sleeping Pussy Vs. Charles Barkley's Turrible Decisions

Team Sleeping Pussy is Korvac and Jonah Hex (w/ a yellow lantern ring).

Charles Barkley’s Turrible Decisions are (Pre-Suit) Darth Vader, Aku, Kister, Care Becks, and Treasure Troll #1.


Kister is here…..

Kister is excited…..

We all know what Kister says when he is excited……

“THIS IS SOOOOO WIZARD ANNIE”!! “I can’t believe I got chosen to get played in the very last match of the season, exxspecially when the play-offs are on the line. It’s so wizard seeing you again Annie. It’s so wizard that you are grown up now too, and that you’re evil. I mean, that’s kind of weird; but it is still WIZARD”.

“Why aren’t you talking Annie. You look so serious. Honestly, it’s not very wizard”.

“I feel a disturbance in the force Kister. There is an extremely powerful being approaching. It is a power I have never quite felt. That, and I would really like for you to shut up about everything being wizard. It is giving me Sith-Space Aids and I’m considering turning you into bantha poodoo” (kind of weird how being around an old friend from your childhood spurns toilet humor in a man, no matter what he has become (ya know, dudes doin dude stuff)).

Anakin knows in his heart that this is about to be an epic battle; and is discouraged that the rest of his squad is not realizing the severity of the danger that is approaching. Kister is concerned with nothing but the magnitude of the wizard level and Care Becks is busy dry-humping Treasure Troll #1. I mean it is well-realized that Care Becks has an incredibly under-sized wiener, but a Treasure Troll….. Come on Care Becks, I mean those things are tiny….. Cool hair though (super cool). At least Aku seems well prepared for this fight, his help will be integral if The Turrible Decisions are going to continue their season after today.

Vader closes his eyes in concentration, gaining power from his master’s presence, pulls out his formerly blue, now red lightsaber (* Working under the assumption that he would have swapped out the blue kyber crystals for red ones had he been given adequate time to do so, which by FFL Standards he has) and ignites the crimson blade. He waits what seems like an eternity, as he meditates through a three second pause before Korvac and Jonah Hex burst up from the reactor pit directly below the throne room proper. The Sleeping Pussies rush their opponents with fury, while The Turrible Decisions leap into action. Aku and The Treasure Troll rush the fear-energy infused Jonah Hex, while the rest of the Barkley Squad move against Korvac: The Enemy.

Jonah Hex fires his yellow energy coated .45 Long Colt Bullets at Aku, but the immortal spawn of multi-faceted gods simply absorbs them into his shadowy black essence. Aku, then grows to the largest size that the throne room will allow and shows Jonah Hex the true meaning of fear as he rips the cowboy apart and swallows his yellow lantern ring like a piece of candy.

The Treasure Troll looks adorable while this all transpires.

Aku, rushes over to aid Lord Vader who is leaping around the throne room, while Korvac turns it upside down. Care Becks give a super creepy Care Bear Stare while pulling the fur away and stroking his perfectly circumcised, though miniscule Tallywacker. This bit of sheer unadulterated power actually causes Korvac to vomit and fall backwards, but the futuristic cosmic cyborg time-traveler recovers from the attack and makes Care Becks “Pay the price for his lack of vision”.

Vader, once again engages Korvac in battle with his lightsaber, while Aku comes to help out. Vader, sheaths his lightsaber and uses all of the power he can muster to force puch Korvac back while Aku flies in for a secondary attack; but Korvac proves that it is not only Samurai Jack’s sword that can kill Aku as he unleashes an abounding burst of energy projection to destroy the demon wizard.

Kister bravely picks up a broken metal rod and rushes at Korvac screaming: “MY SKILLS ARE WIZARD YOOOOOO”. But Korvac simply raises his right hand and vaporizes Kister before he can swing his makeshift weapon.

“NOOOOOOOOOOOO” Screams Vader as he inadvertently allows himself an emotional reaction from his innocent past. Vader’s hate makes him powerful as he force pushes Korvac over and begins hacking at him with his lightsaber. Vader’s force rage begins to crush Korvac’s cybernetic parts, but his lightsaber attacks cannot destroy his body faster than Korvac’s powers can regenerate it. Vader quickly makes several deep swipes with his saber, then drives it into Korvac’s chest before unleashing his new Sith Powers via a colossal burst of Sith Lightning which cause the body of Korvac to dissipate into nothing.

Treasure Troll #1’s hair is singed and burning as he looks over to Anakin and says timidly: “I…. I… can’t even find words to describe what I just waa waaa witnessed”……

The Young Darth Vader picks his lightsaber back up and looks at the troll with his yellow eyes as he says: “I can…. Wizard”.