Beckerman Presents: The Mickey Mouse Grindhouse Vs. Real Man's Rabble Rousers

Beckerman Presents: The Mickey Mouse Grindhouse is Zombie Doomsday, Maliketh the Accursed, Kurse, Super Dinosaur, Han Solo: Rogue Jedi, Jason Todd (w/ Cannon Gun, Armored Skin, and Mithril Vest), The Champion of The Universe, Golden Army Soldier #41-45, Neo Cymek #18 (Ed), Mike Sroka: Sith Lord (Darth Timmellus), David Koresh, Robert Hudson (w/ laser gun and laser sword) w/ Mewtoo, Tom Brady (w/ blue lantern ring), Yellow Lantern Bryan Beckerman.

Real Man’s Rabbles Rousers are Darth Desoulus, Black Lantern Darth Rave, (movie) Mudflap, The Vehicle Voltron Team: Land Team: Commander Cliff, Cinda, Modok, Marvin, and Hutch, Sea Team: Commander Kirk, Lisa, Tangor, Shannon, and Zandee, Air Team: Commander Jeff, Rocky, Wolo, Chip, and Ginger, Kryptonian Army Soldier #11 & 12, The Female Furies: Gilotina, Lashina (w/ Atlas), Stompa (w/ Heat Axe), Bernadeth (w/ Halberd), and Mad Harriet, The Bloodpack: Nyssa, Asad, Reinhardt, Chupa, Snowman, Priest, Verlaine, and Lighthammer, Ellie, Katie, Simone, and Benjy in a Mail Jeep, and Transformer #9 & 10.


In the south side of Chicago, it’s the baddest part of town, and if you go down there you best just beware of man called The Neon Master Pogo. Now Pogo, he’s a Watcher… And he stands about 5’ 5” and all the ladies call him Super Bada** sweet daddy Jones but all the men just call him sir…. And he’s bad bad Neon Pogo, the baddest watcher in the whole damn town badder then Zombie Doomsday, badder than Vehicle Voltron….

Ha, but probably not as “bad” as Real Man, because I wasn’t on Let it Rip this morning enlightening all of us about how pot legalization will lead to more pot heads…….. Thanks Eric, please tell me you’re running for governor this fall. I’d vote for you for sure. Granted I’m a total idiot who was too busy singing, Jim Croche parodies, making jokes about local news shows, showing up late to my match, and hiding under this fallen billboard to notice that Vehicle Voltron and Zombie Doomsday, not to mention the rest of these two squads have straight up wrecked this city. I mean, seriously it is a freakin dumpster fire over here. If they get one more dilapidated building in this b*^(*h, people are going to start mistaking it for Detroit. Zombie Doomsday, Makileth the Accursed and Curse, Super Dinosaur, and The Champion of The Universe have gone on a rampage on one side of the city, while Vehicle Voltron has inadvertently ripped apart the other side, which will inevitably have them meet in the middle for a culminating battle of brawn, that is about to transpire. I asked around, to find out what happened to all of the other characters, and it seems to have been something like this…..

Zombie Doomsday and his menacing crew plowed through The Kryptonian Army Soldiers, Mudflap, The Rama kids in their silly Jeep (Ellie, Katie, Simone, and Benjy), and both Transformer #9 & 10 with some wicked dark magic and some good old fashioned fist pounding, and let’s not forget all the great one-liners from The Champion of The Universe. Han Solo tried to take on Darth Desoulus and Black Lantern Darth Rave. He took out Darth Desoulus even those his force skills are a little rusty but then got cheap shotted by the black lantern version of the old Syracuse Valley mainstay. Vehicle Voltron had his own path of destruction as well, as he made short work The Golden Army, Ed The Neo Cymek, Darth Timmelus and his failing new apprentice David Koresh (Darth Jesus as he has been calling himself (the force sure as hell didn’t give him that name)), and even The Yellow Lantern Bryan Beckerman, who was too busy texting everybody about Real Man’s goofy ass on the news this morning than fighting Real Man’s dumb team. Jason Todd, Robert Hudson, Mewtoo, and Tom Brady were still around when the heavy hitters took out The Female Furies and The Bloodpack though. Jason Todd actually put on quite a clinic from what this one-toothed homeless dude told me. He said homeboy took out Chupa, Snowman, and Verlaine from The Bloodpack, not to mention Bernadeth with her weird lightning stick thing, before Lashina and Stompa finally got him and Cannon Gun. Tom Brady used his blue lantern ring, good lucks, and stellar winning attitude to GO BLUE all over Reinhardt and Lighthammer. So he totally helped out, unlike Hudson who pretty much just looked at The Female Furies and vampires and died from self-defacation (I’m almost positive that’s a real thing. I think I saw it on Dr. Oz…., Or was it Oprah?)??..... Although, ol’ Robbie did choose Mewtoo, who ripped his way through Priest before getting chopped by Gilotina. The Champion of The Universe really went nutz though once he witnessed the death of his man crush Tom Brady. He took out the last four Female Furies by himself (or at least that’s what this English as a second language poster boy working at the hot dog stand told me). After that, Zombie Doomsday made short work of Nyssa and Asad.

So now we go back LIVE to what is really happening in the match, which is this massive Voltron going up against the baddest baddies of The Grindhouse. Dang it doesn’t look like The Grindhouse has got anything that can stop this Voltron dude. He is even dwarfing that dude Kurse. But now it looks like Maliketh and Kurse are attempting some kind of spell while Zombie Doomsday and The Champion are buying them some time by attacking Voltron head on. Voltron just came down hard on Zombie Doomsday, and ….. yep…… DAMN SON!! DOOMSDAY’S DEAD. This Voltron cat is bad as hell yo!! But now Maliketh and Kurse seem to be casting that spell. Voltron is walking a little like a drunk guy, but he definitely doesn’t seem too weakened by it, but The Champ is going in for something. The Champion just went in like a maniac and took a full on cosmic energy fueled punch from Voltron!! Oh, man; he has got to be dead (RIP Champion of The Universe), but that barge to its mid-section just leveled Voltron, broke him back into pieces and took out the whole Air Team section in the process. The Sea Team (minus Lisa who was taken out by The Champ) forms up and takes on Kurse, while The land team (minus Cinda and Hutch (taken out by the champ too)). Go after Maliketh. They unload their firepower on Maliketh who unleashes his Asgardian Dark Elf Magic that rips the three land vehicles as well as their drivers apart before he is inevitably mowed down by the missiles they had already fired. Kurse then pounds Commander Kirk and Tangor’s Sea ships to pieces before he is taken out by Shannon and Zandee. Shan and Zan then reconfigure their heavily damaged ships to clean up what was left but they don’t see the last member of The Grindhouse pop out of nowhere and beat the crap out of the two vehicles before they can attack (can you beat the crap out of a vehicle??? I’m gonna go with yes, I have a no erasing rule for today (you can probably tell from all the typos (that rule stretched back into Josh’s match as well (sorry))).

Now Super Dinosaur is all flexing and stuff and giving a shout out to The Man, his Captain, The Champion of The Friggin Universe to nobody in particular when all of the sudden Black Lantern Darth Rave rushes in doing that Force Run that the Jedi and Sith do, and he’s all screamin about The Syracuse Valley will rise again……. Damn Real Man’s got some goofy dudes on his team. Anyway, Darth Rave totally whipped out his black energy red lightsaber (?????) out and cut off Super Dinosaur’s big freakin head. And I guess that is it…… So……..