The Empire Vs. The Moist Mafia

The Empire is Sand, Steel Superman, Black Zarack, Victory Leo, Star Saber, Sandworm #13, The New X-Men: Surge, Prodigy, Blindfold, Rockslide, Mercury, Anole, and Gentle, Kaja Sinis, Sebulba, and Sheriff Woody (w/ a blue lightsaber).

The Moist Mafia is Cotton McKnight, Pepper Brooks, Paul Bearer, Zack Ryder, Rowdy Roddy Piper, CM Punk, Bo, Luke, and Daisy Duke, Michael Knight and KITT, Merlyn, Odyssius, Hamburglar, Ducky, Cody Jones, Pokerface, Riff Raff, Hector, Mungo, Cleo, Daffy Duck, Modulock, Rio Blast, The Baroness, Dr. Mindbender, Capt. Phasma, The Royal Flush Gang: Ace, King, Queen, Jack, and Ten, First Order Flame Trooper #1-5, First Order Storm Trooper #5, Yellow Lantern Bryan Beckerman, Grand Wizard Nick Houslander, Sterling, and Smurf #9 (Roster Filler Smurf).


“So, Master Sinis; this is your big master plan?? Climb a random mountain”?? Says Steel Superman loud enough for the whole group of climbers to hear.

“Yes”. Replies the ancient Jedi Master.

“Shouldn't I, at least be down there. Where I can do the most damage. Ya know, in the SAND”. Asks Sand.

“No”. Replies the ancient Jedi Master.

“And where are the new X-Men”??

“Making the ultimate sacrifice”. Replies the ancient Jedi Master.


Well, hi everybody. That is what one of the teams is up to. But the other team seems to be having quite a bit more fun. Oh, I almost forgot. I'm the Neon Master Pogo and I'll be your watcher this evening. There is much laughter radiating through the Moist Mafia squad as Yellow Lantern Bryan Beckerman leads the whole squad down a hill to the massive ravine where the New X-Men have set up shop and await a battle. All but Capt. Phasma of course. Phasma was leading the squad until she became aware that she was the worst and most disappointing Star Wars character ever created and she suicided herself. Cotton Mcknight hosts the sand walking festivities in his first ever match appearance, while he simultaneously assures his buddy Pepper that when they undoubtedly die in this match, he will hopefully be brought back to life with his voice in tact (here's to hoping). Paul Bearer looks super creepy, and is sweating his sack off wearing that black trenchcoat in the hot Jakku sun, while Roddy Piper is being awesome and hilarious, (cause that is what he does SON). CM Punk and Zack Ryder, as the resident rasslors from this century are being properly ignored by me the watcher (cause that is what I do SON). Them Duke boys and Daisy are crammed into to KITT with Michael, and finally convince both him and the talking car that the best way down the sandy hill is just to throw it in neutral and hope for the best. It looked like a pretty fun ride, wish I was in there with em, I'm not gonna lie. Odysseus, along with Cody Jones attempt to warn the rest of the group that they think they are walking in to a certain trap; but when Cody tries to show everybody a video he made on his smart phone laying out the potential scenario it just ends up with everybody laughing after Hamburglar shouted: “Beware of Geeks bearing Gifs” (you can laugh, go right ahead.... I'll wait). Even Pokerface cracked a smile after that one. Not to be outdone by Pokerface, The Royal Flush Gang paraded through the crowd making a plethora of card playing references; but I'm not going to bother to repeat any of them. Hector drew a chuckle from more than just Riff Raff, Clio, and Mungo when he commented that “he thought a royal flush was the highest straight flush, not the highest gay one”. Daffy Duck thought the politically incorrect nature of it all was despicable though. The Baroness seemed to be the movie version of the character, so I could look at her in all of her super hotness; but Dr. Mindbender was the movie version as well, so it was like he wasn't even there. Modulock and Rio Blast on the other hand were the toy version of their brand, which means most of Modulock's limbs were missing and Rio Blast was still in the package unpurchased because all of the He-Man fans were already grown up by the time he came out. The First Order Troopers all looked great, despite their laser nerf guns; but they were a little discouraged when Wizard Nick Houslander kept talking about how they looked like they were in an over budget fan film. But then with all the Star Wars talk in the air, Nick and Becks felt the need to cuddle up together in a queen sized bed and suck face, like we all know they do when they go away together for the Star Wars Celebrations. Roster Filler Smurf looked jealous.

But, alas they finally reached the bottom of the ravine and we can finally begin the match. The New X-Men stand ready. Odysseus draws his sword, while Becks lights up his yellow ring, and Nick screams: “Y'ALL READY FO THIS”. But as soon as Surge begins conjuring some electric energy, Sandworm #13 bursts from the ground and comes down upon the entire ravine with its enormous mouth wide open to consume all involved.

Back on the mountaintop Steel Superman looks to Kaja Sinis and says: “WOW, so that was the plan huh?? Just let the sandworm do the work and the X-Men take the fall?? Not very Jedi-like”...

The ancient Jedi Master replies: “Ehh, I'm not a canon Jedi anyways”.

Wah wah waaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..............

THE END