Griswold's Nut-busters Vs. The Royal Highness

Griswold's Nut-Busters are Galactus, Doomsday, Anak Sanamun, Imhotep, Riddick, Gotenks, Vin Diesel, Brood Alien #9-10, Exal Kressh, Ziran the Tester, and Batwing.

The Royal Highness is Paul Atreides, Atreides Soldier #16-18, Sandworm #1A, Sandman, Emperor Palpatine, Kylo Ren, Finn (w/ a yellow lightsaber), Apollo (from the Authority), Ursa, Scorpion King, Human Torch, Invisible Woman, Old Man Logan, and The Rifleman: Lucas McCain.


Much power is stacked into these two squads. And with all of it placed in one open dune of the Jakku wasteland, there is little room for battle strategy. In fact, battle seems to be the closest thing to a strategy either of these teams have. Battle early. Battle often. And battle with the closest enemy you see.

Although, the battle seems to stop momentarily as two enormous beings, one from the heavens and one from the depths collide with each other in the middle of their respective safe zones. As Ziran the Tester descends upon the sand, he is met by Sandworm #1A who bursts out of the ground below. Ziran, one of the great Celestials holds firm in his air position thinking that no creature of such a primitive nature could possibly hurt him, has certainly underestimated Shai Halud. For no matter of wisdom, no higher form of thought, or no ancient knowledge is beyond that of the Maker. As these two powers collide, as the giant crysknife-lined maw of the worm opens up around the Celestial and clamps down to reveal a surge of cosmic energy. Members of both of the squads come to grips with their own mortality as they see these two city-sized beings join each other in death.

At that point, what is one to do?? Other than the obvious.....

Resume battle.

Exal Kressh ignites her red lightsaber as Old Man Logan pops his claws. She dodges the aged mutant's initial attack and manages to catch him with several small lightsaber swipes; but it proves to never be quite enough to do any lasting damage. Dropping her lightsaber to her side, she blasts the man formerly known as Wolverine with a healthy dose of Sith lightning, knocking him to the ground; but the mutant is able to fight through it, leap towards her, and plunge his claws into her chest.

Invisible Woman gets up her force field just quick enough to fend off an attack from the duo of Brood Aliens leaping her way. The two aliens ferociously attack her invisible barrier; but she is able to close a secondary field around the two of them, slowly collapsing it upon itself until they are crushed into each other.

Batwing and Human Torch take flight and meet one another in the air, where many aerial acrobatics ensue. Johnny Storm flies in hard to and hits the Batman protege with every bit of flame he can muster to melt the Wayne Tech as well as the man inside; but as Batwing begins to fall from the sky, Human Torch is hit in the back with the last heat seeking missile fired by Batwing before his demise. Their lifeless bodies join each other on the ground.

Gotenks and Kylo Ren join one another in a contest that I am sure I will be criticized for not thinking is cool. They both do a bunch of supposedly uber powerful, dumb crap that people who aren't cool think is really cool. Gotenks tells Ren everything he is going to do before he does, but not to worry, because that doesn't stop Kylo from preventing it. And Kylo takes the time to throw a whiny-emo-temper tantrum in the middle of their fight. Then every dude in the world who couldn't pick a vagina out of a police line up cheers as if it is the greatest thing since Gone With the Effing Wind (Yay). Gotenks then hits Kylo Ren with some amazing attack that has never been attempted by him and was only done once like a hundred years ago or something, and as Kylo Ren is dying we all sit and wonder why he didn't just do that at the beginning of the fight and save us all the trouble. Gotenks then attempts to make some post victory joke that must only be funny in Japan (because it sure as hell isn't here); but Palpatine bursts out of the shadows he was lurking in and shows Gotenks what a real Star Wars villain is made of as he blasts him with enough Sith Lightning to take out any anime character (No what I'm sayan?? (ha, get it)).

Lucas McCain does more than just his due dillignece in warning Vin Diesel that he doesn't want any trouble; but eventually has to bust ol' Vin with a .30 .30 shell to the chest anyhow.

The Scorpion King stands toe to toe with Doomsday, who already made short work of the three Atreides soldiers; while Ursa and Apollo take flight to meet Galactus high above the old Imperial wreckage. Back on the ground, Imhotep and Sandman compete in an incredible contest of sand manipulation as massive storms roll through and cloud hundreds of yards around them. But we will return to these battles in due time.

Riddick at first gives the appearance of entering into a pitched battle with Paul Atreides; but Maud Dib simply moves to quickly through the sand. He catches Riddick from behind and jams his crysknife into the back of his neck in one swift motion.

Anak Sanamun manages to look really hot while she kicks Finn's yellow lightsaber out of his hand and then uses it to kill the former storm trooper.

Invisible Woman and Old Man Logan hope that Sue's past battle experience will help them out as they rush to help out the Superman wannabees with Galactus; but Galactus merely turns his attention to Invisible Woman and Logan for a second before he decides to vaporize them with one quick cosmic blast.

The Scorpion King and Doomsday's battle is cut short without a clear victor as The Scorpion King sees his old enemy Imhotep and decides that that is where the battle must take him. Doomsday on the other hand gets fairly annoyed with Lucas McCain taking pot shots at him, and eventually crushes the Rifleman under his gross, gray, barefoot.

As the final phase of the battle commences, everything begins to heat up. Galactus grabs Apollo out of mid-air and crushes the life out of him in his massive right hand, while Imhotep proves that he is the true master of the sand as he manipulates both the sands of Jakku and those within the body of Sandman on a molecular level to rip the Sinister Six member apart and use him as a weapon to finally destroy his age old enemy the Scorpion King once and for all. Though, Imhotep in his weakened state is ripe for the pickings of the ever lurking Sith Lord Darth Sidious, who blasts some Sith Lightning into the already electrified, and sand filled air before he ignites both of his crimson lightsabers and plunges them into the Mummy (I know he never has two lightsabers in any of the movies; but I have been playing way too much Star Wars: Galaxy of Heroes lately). Anak Sanamun attempts some more fancy moves, but they prove useless against Paul's weirding ways. Having fought many tough chicks before with his Bene Gesserit training, Paul is able to take her out with a series of three quick knife slashes, to ensure that none of life's water is wasted. Palpatine and Paul form up and stand together against the looming threat of Galactus getting closer and closer to the Jakku surface, when they realize that their teammate is significantly more selfless (or maybe just vengeful) than they ever would have guessed. Ursa sacrifices herself and in a rage flies directly through the chest of Galactus, causing an intense implosion of the planet eater but also sending enough cosmic energy through her human sized body to collapse a star. Palpatine and Paul stand, staring awestruck at the death of their most powerful enemy, when Doomsday catches the lifeless body of Ursa and uses it as blunt object to crush the skull of Palpatine while he simultaneously kicks Paul right back to Caladan....