Be Gentle It's My First Time Vs. TEAM

 Be Gentle It's My Third Time is Darkseid, Zilla, Superboy, Gamera, Kratos, The Hero Of Typhon, Darth Gaen, Darth Vitate, Whis, Elaine Belloc, Kratos & Atreus, Evil Wolf #1-5, Dark Trooper #1-5, Beerus:  god of Destruction, Elf #1-8, & The Z-Fighters:  Krillin,Tien, Shinhan, Yamcha, Chiaotzu, Yajirobe, & Bulma.

TEAM is Galactus w/ Nova, Morg, Superboy, Unicron, Primus, Thor, Thanos (w/ The Power, Soul, Space, & Reality stones), Ultra Magnus, Black Lantern Magneto, Brightburn, Nekron, Bashar Miles Teg, Wolverine, Muhamed Ali, Hammer Bros. #6-9, Mandalorian Clan Leader Adam Hernandez w/ Mandalorian Kate, Mandalorian Foundling Jackson, & Mandalorian Eric Gilson, Josh (w/ a green lantern ring), Alex (w/ an air bending staff), Chris (w/ Loki's Sceptre), Kyle (w/ air bending staff), Zack (w/ air bending staff), Dave (w/ Wii mote), Frank (w/ red lantern ring), Ethan (w/ Force saber), Conner (w/ Speed Ring), Ed (w/ mandalorian armor), Laya (w/ blue lantern ring), & Spence.  

What a mess.....  I can't believe how torn apart everything seems when it comes to the members of TEAM.  And I am not referring to anything to do with what the members of Be Gentle are doing to them, nor do I mean the fact that they have several world destroyers on the squad which are just as big a danger to The Play-Off Planet itself as they are to their opponent.  I'm referring to the disaster caused by Hammer Bros. #6.  You see, ever since Hammer Bros. #6 broke up with his boyfriend Ed and started dating Conner instead the whole TEAM dynamic has been totally off.  TEAMmembers feeling like they must take a side in this love triangle are having difficulty focusing on the match itself because of the ever permeating gay-love drama.  Ed has been seen with his Mandalorian helmet off, chugging vodka and tonics murmuring "this is not the way" over and over again, while Conner and Hammer Bros. #6 go for long walks on The Play-Off Planet beach by the ocean shore, just like Ed used to back when that was his man.  Despite this unending romantic issue, we will do our best to move forward and witness how this match unfolds.

Both teams played a Superboy, so before we get this started we are just going to go ahead and cancel those two out.  Both Dead.  

Elaine Belloc really wanted some soup for lunch; but she is stilled banned from her favorite soup location by its Nazi owner, so instead she has just finished up her big salad and yada-yada-yada is ready for the match.  Elaine Belloc is the chick from Seinfeld right??  Crap.  Okay, well internet says that is actually Elaine Benes.  Hmm.  Must be a typo or something.  Either way, Elaine grabs her cell phone to call up Kramer, when Wolverine stabs her through the chest with his adamantium claws.  

So many heavy hitters are in this match, that we will lay out who is boxin with whom and where the boxin is going down.  Pitched battles abound as Darkseid and Thanos throw down in the desert.  The Z-Fighters make their way into space in an attempt to take out the not yet transformed Primus.  Thor has teamed up with Galactus' Herald Nova in the forest where Kratos, Atreus, & Beerus do be scufflin with em.  The other Kratos used Spence as weapon to take out HerMando family, who made quite a mess with their blasters and flame units before they went down in the valiant fight.  The eight elves thought they were fast; but Bashar Miles Teg showed them all what fast really was as he quickly discovered their hidden woodland locations and dispatched them with relative ease.  The Hero of Typhon gets rowdy with the lightsaber, whilst dodging hammers to take out Hammer Bros. 7, 8, & 9; but before he can take out Hammer Bros. #6, his former lover Ed flies in with his Mandalorian Jetpack and rescues the Hammer Bros. he just can't quit.  Perhaps he jumped into the arms of his younger man Conner with too much haste the Hammer Bros. thinks to himself as he is held so tightly by Ed and whisked away to safety.  Very few beings in this entire universe can be the first word in a sentence that ends:  "One-shotted Zilla"; but when that being is Galactus, the sentence do happen.  Gamera bit the head off of Morg in the jungle, while Nekron and Black Lantern Magneto were taken out by Darths Vitate and Gaen, right before the metal carcass of Ultra Magnus was dropped on them from above by the now double dead Magneto.  Brightburn is flying around being quite the immature jerk, when he sees Whis standing in a rock-outcropping questioning he/him's gender.  Brightburn takes a wiz on whis from above him and then uses his Superman powers to rip him apart without ever saying that he does indeed have Superman powers so the movie makers don't get sued.   With the help of Laya's blue ring, Josh used his katana blade made of green lantern energy to mow through the five Dark Troopers Luke-hallway-scene style (word).  Frank, Ethan, & Conner are suffering bad after their battle with the five evil wolves, not because they lost; but because they ate all five of the wolves after the fight, they do be livin that food life tho and might order a Big Benito later.  

Phew....  Well, that's how the first round of this turd played out.  Let's see what those who survived did next.  

Brightburn flies in fast to help out Thanos against Darkseid; but gets hit with omega beams before he can get a hit in.  The two mad titans battle it out fiercely; but even with the Infinity Gauntlet with only a few open spots left, Thanos is still unable to take out the DC character he is a direct copy of.  Darkseid is victorious; but even in his infinite wisdom does not realize that the soul stone would take his life along with the conquered Thanos.  

Muhammed Ali is on the mic holding a press conference ripping apart his TEAMmates Conner, Ed, and Hammer Bros. #6 with a hellacious supply of gay jokes.  This is of course not in any way considered intolerant of him at all, because he is Muslim.  Wise old Dave decided to console the young Ali by letting him play with his Wii Mote and getting him sandwich without pork in it.   

Beerus destroys Nova with a mix of martial arts and cosmic power.  

The god of thunder uses some thunder to destroy the god of destruction; but Beerus wasn't Thor's only problem to face.  Thor and Kratos start wailing on each other with building leveling punches, until Thor uses his hammer to knock the god's head clean off.  Thor spins around after his victory; but is quickly avenged by the son of his victim who puts his best arrow directly through the remaining good eye and out the back of the head of the son of Odin.  

Chris, Alex, Kyle, and Zack left the party as usual to go get some Taco Bell; but they were out of product so they decided to fight the other Kratos instead of listening to the Taco Chick scream about it.  They text Julie in the group chat before using their staffs to put that smack down.  Kratos do be legit, but you already know his arms ain't long enough to box with The T.B. Crew.  They finish off Kratos and although they are tired put on Extended Edition Return of the King in Chris's basement.  

The Z-Fighters make their way into space and are doing everything they can to battle the massive Primus, who has now transformed into a truly enormous robot.  The Z-Fighters combine forces and manage to get inside the Transformer god by busting a hole in his nearly impenetrable metal side.  Once inside they combine their powers and are able to overcome the power of Primus' spark and end the life of the age old Transformer.  Now trapped inside the cavernous metal corpse of Primus their victory is short-lived as Krillin, Tien, Shinhan, Yamcha, Chiatzu, Yajirobe, & Bulma are consumed as Unicron seeks both revenge and power as he crushes the now dead Cybertronian Metal body of his brother consuming it and The Z-Fighters inside.  

The Hero of Typhon has a vision of the future and realizes how dire it truly is.  He puts himself in a Force trance knowing that his squad's only chance of victory is to awaken the power of The Play-Off Planet itself; so as to poison Galactus when he inevitably attempts to consume it taking out every person, plant, and thing on it, including both of these teams.  The Jedi is not quite sure how this will be done; but he does know in his heart that the ability to destroy a planet is insignificant next to the power of The Force.  And if The Force wills it, then it will be done.  

Strangely enough, when the Hero of Typhon Jedi has this vision and makes this decision.  The nearly omnipotent Galactus has not even yet decided to consume the planet.  He instead is doing battle with Gamera who manages to damage Galactus with his fire breath; but Galactus becomes enraged by this very rare bit of physical pain triggered by the giant turtle and friend to all children.  Galactus absorbs the next blast of fire breath and then destroys Gamera.  Galactus then loses control and at this moment decides that he must possess all the power the Play-Off Planet contains, beginning the process of eating the Planet, just as The Hero of Typhon had seen in his vision.   

Unicron begins sends out a booming message across space to let his TEAMmates know they must return to him as he foresees that even he cannot control Galactus in his mission to destroy all.  As they attempt to regroup Atreus shows up and puts an arrow into the chest of Miles Teg, but is then relieved of his head by Wolverine.  Wolvie and Muhammed Ali meet up, but are clueless as to how to get off planet.  Several of the TEAMmates are still not accounted for.  The destruction of this planet can be felt as Ed and his ex-boyfriend Hammer Bros. #6 show up at the exact same time as Conner (how awkward).  The last few seconds of the planet's existence begin to count away.  Ed and Conner meet with a gaze as they reach out and hold hands, all while both grasping a hand of Hammer Bros. #6. Conner uses his Speed Ring to cast the Egress Spell and safely vanishes the five of them off The dying Play-Off Planet.

Wolverine looks over at the hand-holding trio, then looks over to Ali saying:  "That sure was a queer match".

Ali responds:  "You ain't tellin me nuthin.  They sure are some":

-F-antastically

-A-wesome

-G-uys

-S-on