Week 5: Popeye's vs Dinomites

Its current year, and both of these fantasy teams recognize the strong, independent nature of women. It is quiet on the playoff planet, both teams appear to be late to the battle. While the men lag behind, the vagina having members have scurried to the front lines where they can flex their empowerment on each other.

Bastila Shan, She-Ra, Swift Wind, The Sorceress, and Teela square off against Wonder Woman, Wonder Girl, Mary Marvel, Darla Dudley, Pedro Peña(transitioning), Jessica Jones, Bib, Beb, Elasti Girl, Hermione Granger, Urbosa, Mipha, and Ahsoka Tano w/ a Star Saphirre Ring in an A-Wing.

I'll spare you the details but it is just as horrible as it sounds, lots of hair pulling, broken nails, crying, and ultimately nothing getting done. After several hours not a single death. There were a couple of false rape allegations until they realized there were no men around to blame.

Just when it seemed like nothing of note would ever happen someone resembling the Night King wearing a pink dress enters the scene and begins indiscriminately eliminating all of the females. Several members of the Dinomites cry out "That isn't fair!" but no one really cares or misses them.

Olive Oyl Slappin' Popeyes vs White Knight Dinomites

Popeyes:

Gandalf the White w/ Blue Lantern Ring, Mr. Mxyztplk, Revan Reborn, Jolee Bindu, Darth Vader w/ Yellow Lantern Ring, The Sando Aqua Monster, The Night King and two White Walkers (all 4 Deaths), Viserion, T-2 and T-1000 in German U-Boat, King Hiss, Beast Man, Blade, Man at Arms, Zodack, The Centurions (Ace McLeod, Jake Rockwell, Max Ray, John Thunder, Rex Charger), Nolan Peterson in a T-16 Skyhopper and Austin Perrison in a F-18: Sith Bros (both 4 Death)

Dinomites:

The Incredible Hulk, Agent Smith, Dr. Strange and Wong, Anakin Skywalker w/ a Yellow Lantern Ring in a B-Wing, Kingdom Come Aquaman, The Shazam Family Leftovers: Captain Marvel Jr. Eugene Choi,and C.C Batson , Nightwing, Kingdom Come Red Arrow, Power Man, Iron Fist, Bub, Bob, The Aerialbots: Silverbolt, Air Raid, Skydive, Fireflight, and Slingshot, The Doom Patrol: Mento, Robot Man, Negative Man, and Lil Beast Boy, Atrocitus, Daruk, Rivali, Link w/ a Green Lantern Ring, Master Sword, and Hylian Shield, Sandtrooper #10 on Dewback #10 

The Dinomites arrive to save their female companions but they are too late. Dr. Strange looks at all of the dead female bodies and considers what the ideal timeline was. After a few moments, he says “It wasn’t supposed to happen this way. They were supposed to die during childbirth”. But he doesn’t have long to mourn the piles of roast beef before he and Wong are confronted by Mr. Mxyztplk & Gandalf. The four of them begin mumbling gibberish and waving their hands but not much is happening. After some time they all cast a spell at the same time and all four of them disappear to some other dimension.

King Hiss, Beast Man, Zodack and Blade surround The Incredible Hulk. As the four converge on him they feel a tickling on their backs. They turn to see two dragons spitting out bubbles on them. Blade slices the two dragons in half though this distraction proves deadly as the Hulk rips each of his attackers apart. He then jumps off to battle elsewhere.

The Centurions come flying in full force firing their weapons. Nightwing and Red Arrow are blown up by missiles before they can do anything. Iron Fist begins shooting up at the Centurians. He connects shots on Max Ray who is being carried by Ace McLeod. The two come crashing down near Power Man which causes their weapons to explode killing all three. The remaining Centurions converge on Iron Fist who isn’t able to withstand massive assault from their weapons. They then land to see if there is anything they can do for their fallen friends. The suddenly find themselves unable to move and see a man in the distance with a black suit and cape. Vader then uses the force to aim their weapons at each other and fires, creating a small crater where they once were.

Meanwhile, Nolan and Austin realize they are on borrowed time and decide to make maximum impact. With maneuvering that defies the laws of physics Nolan flies his T-16 straight into Superion. Superion is ok but stunned. Those in the surrounding area couldn't tell what happened. Was that a bomb? Then it became apparent what had happened as Austin flies his F-18 into Superion. While in no way should that be able to destroy Superion the jet fuel managed to melt his inner steel beams. Suddenly he implodes into the ground. That is a sight that I will never forget. Also, Sandtrooper #10 & Dewback #10, who were standing nearby also fall to the ground dead for some reason that is never explained.

Kingdom Come Aquaman was swimming around in the ocean when he was grabbed by the Sando Aqua Monster. Aquaman quickly took control of the creature before being eaten. Nearby T-1000 and T-2 observed this in their German U-Boat. Not wanting to take any chances they launch all of their torpedos taking out both Aquaman and the Sando Aqua Monster.

T2 & T-1000 dock their U-Boat on the shore and begin heading towards the other combatants. They are intercepted by Agent Smith who immediately shapeshifts into T2 in order to cause confusion. T-1000 also shapeshifts and the three T2s begin slugging it out. When the dust settles there is only one surviving T2 and two dead next to him. But which one survived? We’ll never know as he is blown away by several concussion missiles launched from Anakin’s B-wing.

Darth Vader senses the powerful Jedi and seeks him out. Anakin jumps out of his B-Wing and the two begin a lightsaber battle. What you might think would be a close battle is actually very one sided and pre-determined. As Obi-wan has said, Darth Vader kills Luke’s father and 1977 Star Wars Canon is restored.

Vader joins up with Revan and Jolee Bindu as they engage the Shazam Family and Doom Patrol. Vader exhibits mastery of the dark side as he simultaneously force chokes all of the members while the others cut through them with their lightsabers. As Revan finishes off that last one the Incredible Hulk lands on top of him crushing him into the ground. The Hulk turns and grabs Jolee Bindu who flails his lightsaber but is not able to do much before being crushed by the Hulk's fists. Vader, having sensed the Hulk moments before positioned himself behind him as the Hulk killed the others, putting him in position to drive his lightsaber through the Hulk's skull.

Link and Atrocitus arrive just in time to see their companion fall to the ground. Vader turns to smaller statured Link and moves to take him out quickly. As he swings his saber at Link he is caught off guard when it is blocked by the master sword. Link then swings the fully charged master sword and knocks Vader onto his back. Atrocitus jumps on him but Vader immediately puts his lightsaber through the chest of Atrocitus. That moment was all Link needed as he uses the master sword to decapitate Vader. Vader’s head rolls out of the helmet and looks nothing like Luke Skywalker since they aren’t related.

Link regroups with Daruk and Rivali. They approach the Night King who is standing over a battlefield of corpses he is raising from the dead. The mob of wights approaches the Hylian and his companions before they can get to the Night King. Link swings away but they are surrounded and greatly outnumbered. Rivali uses his gale to raise link over the the wights and next to the Night King while the wights devour Revali and Deruke.

Link squares off with the Night King and Viserion. Link quickly kills Viserion, I mean he is like the first boss ever that Link faced, pretty easy stuff. He then turns to the white walkers. He displays expert swordsmanship as he slices through them both. The Night King doesn't waste time and engages Link immediately. The Night Kings is quick and dodges the master sword quite easily. He catches Link off guard and knocks the Hylian shield out of Link’s hand. Link swings again and misses leaving him vulnerable for just a moment. The Night King picks up his spear and hurls it through the chest of the Hylian, who falls to the ground lifeless.