Season 9 Week 5: Slaves Vs. Commandos

The Slaves are: Darth Shemalyah
 Nik Landsoh
 Brek Nyram
 Loki
 Superman
 Green Arrow (Connor Hawk)
 Speedy (Mia Deardon)
 Solomon Grundy (w/ Red Lantern Ring)
 Cole
 G'nark
Wildebeest
Piecemeal
Madison "Box" Jefferies
Dormammu
 Kid Omega
 Xorn (Kuan-Yin)
S.U.R.F SharkSkin, S.U.R.F Eel, S.U.R.F. Undertow
James Potter, Lilly Potter, Edgar Bones, Remus Lupin, Caradoc Dearborn, Elphias Doge, Alice Longbottom, Frank Longbottom, Marlene McKinnon, Emmeline Vance, Mad Eye Moony
Crocodile Dundee (w/Darth Nihilus's Lightsaber)
 Jaws 2
Frankenstein's Monster
Horatio Caine
Aladdin, Abu, Jasmine, Genie (all on the Magic Carpet)
Clifford the Big Red Dog w/ Emily Elizabeth
Bender B. Rodriguez (w/ Flamethrower)
Medusa
Mr. & Mrs. Smith
Spongebob Squarepants.
Slaves Commons: "Gary" #1-60.


Miley and Barack's Commandos are:
-Iorek Byrnison (From the Golden Compass
-Lyra Belacqua w/Pantalamion
-Will Perry w/Kirjava
-Olivia Moore
-Clairy Fray
-Dora, Boots, Backpack, The Map
-Katy Perry
-Hannah Montana/Miley Cyrus
-The Mikaelson Family: Mikael (Vampire), Ester (Witch), Freya (Witch), Finn (Vampire), Elijah (Vampire), Niklaus (Vampire), Kol (Vampire & Witch), Henrik (Vampire), Rebekah (Vampire), Hope (Baby
-Martian Manhunter
-Faora
-Human Bomb
-Dark Phoenix
-Zombie Nichol Valdez
-Ewok Child #9
-Thanos
-Sin Eater
-Foolkiller
-Equinox
-Grimlock Rex Prime (With Matrix of Leadership)
-Scotty Bowman, Kris Draper, Henrik Zetterburg, Domink Hassek, Jiri Fischer, Jiri Slagr, Darren McCarty, Brendan Shanahan, Chris Chelios, Kirk Maltby, Niklas Lidstrom, Pavel Datsyuk, Brett Hull, Igor Larionov, Luc Robataille, Mathieu Dandenault, Sean Avery, Tomas Holmstrom & Sergei Federov.
-Boil Over Becks
-Doozer #9
-Droid Fighter Ship #7-12
-Space Jockey
-Allosaurus #1-6
-Bronze Dragon #1-6
-Dilaphosaur #26-30
-Queen Xenomorph #9 & 10

Hello everyone, and welcome to Spoiler Sport: Mid-Season Play-off Planet Edition! On The Ocho! I'm recently rehired anchor Cotton McKnight, and we'll touch bases around the Fantasy Fantasy League before delving into tonight's featured match: George Washington's Slaves versus Barack and Miley's Commandos!
First, we'll get you prepped for the fight by looking into the combatants' placement around the planet, and each team's likely strategies in the unique environments.
We start in The Play-off Planet's graveyard, where Dormammu, Red Lantern Solomon Grundy, Frankenstein's monster, Medusa, and the Potter Wizard crew represent The Slaves. The Commandos respond with Clary Fray, Liv Moore, Zombie Nichol Valdez, and the assorted vampires, witches and werewolves from the Original family. The Slaves and Commandos members are both very experienced in this setting, so this one could be a toss up!
Next, we head to space, where an overwhelming amount of Commandos wait to face a lone Slave. Commandos Dark Phoenix, Thanos, Space Jockey, Droid Fighter Ships #7-12, and Queen Xenomorphs #9-10 stand by for an approaching Xorn. I think The Slaves mean to use Xorn as a suicide bomber, with the star in his head as the weapon. That's a bold strategy, but it seems unlikely to work completely. We'll probably see a few Commandos survive the blast.
Now, we look upon a few areas that have been occupied solely by one team or another, but neither of the opposing teams dare enter. The Slaves' Aladdin and his crew fly freely in the desert sands of The Play-off Planet unopposed. They are probably singing showtunes as we speak. The Commandos have locked down the icy mountain section, with Lorek Bryrimison, Lyra, Will Perry, Equinox, and the 2002 Red Wings standing guard. The oceans belong to Slaves S.U.R.F. squad, Jaws 2, and Spongebob. Will anything ever happen in these locations, or will all the combatants inevitably have to relocate just in time for some kind of "grand finale"? Stay tuned!
We go to the dense forrest area, which has The Slaves' sniper team of Green Arrow and Speedy covering the ground forces of Clifford the Big Red Dog w/Emily Elizabeth, Gnark, and Bender with his ever trusty flamethrower. The Commandos' Katy Perry looks to ride Grimlock Rex Prime into battle, and leads Dora, Boots, Backpack, Map, Boil Over Becks, Ewok Child #9, Allosaurs #1-6, Dilophosaurs #26-30, and Bronze Dragons #1-6. We here at Spoiler Sport question the decision to place Boil Over Becks anywhere near Katy Perry, but The Commandos large unit should cover any of B.O. Becks' wacky antics. It seems that if The Slaves' snipers don't rack up kills quickly, they could suffer a huge defeat on this battlefront.
In a shocking turn of events, The Slaves' commons have set up a picnic of sorts in the tranquil grasslands of the planet. They have set up games of horseshoes, vollyball, and it looks like a sack race may be in the works as well. I'm not sure who's cooking, but man, I can smell that delicious barbeque from here! Unfortunately, none of them seem willing or able to fight anybody! We contacted the Slaves to find an answer to this unusual behavior, but the best we could do is a statement from a common who would only be identified as "Gary".
"It's the rules of Mutual Common Combat, baby!!! Aw crap! I shouldn't have said that out loud! Sorry, I'm a little tipsy... oh, man, the other "Garys" are going to kill me for spilling the beans on live television!" "Gary" then stumbled back to one of the many cook outs that were occuring.
This leaves The Slaves' Superman, Kole, Madison Jefferies, Horatio Caine, Kid Omega, and Mr. and Mrs. Smith to hold down the planet's city section against Commandos Martian Manhunter, Faora, Sin Eater, Fool Killer, Human Bomb, and the captain, Miley Cyrus herself. This is normally where the final battle is held, so it seems that any surviving teammates will end up rendezvousing here to bolster their respective ranks.
That about wraps up our in depth preview of this match, so we will take a look around the League to catch up on some other matches that are already in progress. We send it over to th newest member of the Spoiler Sport team: Virtual Pepper Brooks! That's right ladies and gentlemen, prior to Pepper's off camera, unverified, in which no body was found "death", our technical producers uploaded what was left of Pepper's conciousness into the mainframe! So for now and ever, let Pepper's insight educate us on the subtile nuances of the great Fantasy fantasy League! Take it away, V. Pep!
"MUHMUHMUH MUH MUH MUHMUH MUHMUH MUH MUH MUHMUH. MUHMUHMUHMUH MUH MUH MUHMUH MUH MUHMUH MUHMUH!!!! MUH! MUH MUH MUH MUHMUHMUH MUH MUHMUH MUHMUHMUH MUH MUH MUH MUHMUHMUH! MUHMUH MUHMUH MUH MUHMUHMUH MUHMUH MUH MUH! MUH MUH MUH MUH MUHMUHMUHMUH!!!!"
Thanks Virtual Pepper! We're glad to have you back, no matter capacity it may be in! Since we are all caught up on the rest of The League's activities, it's time to send you to tonight's main event: George Washington's Slaves versus Barack and Miley's Commandos! Wait...WHAT?!? Did I hear that right? We have breaking News? We seem to have a strange turn of events unfolding on the surface of The Play-off Planet! We now send it to our ace reporter on  the ground, Chip Wedoor! Chip! What is happening down there?!?
"Cotton, this is Chip Wedoor reporting from inside the city limits of The Play-off Planet! A large temple has emerged in the center of the city, seemingly from nothing! We also have multiple confirmed reports of The Commandos vanishing into thin air!"
"Chip, Cotton here. Do you believe that the sudden appearance of this mysterious temple has anything to do with The Commandos vanishing act?"
"Well, Cotton, that is purely speculation, but it's hard to believe that it's merely a coincidence! Wait... The temple gates appear to be opening, and i see... Oh my, it seems to be Darth Shemaleya and her consort Loki, along with her disciples Nik Landsoh and Brek Nyram! It looks like Shemaleya is speaking! Let's listen in!!!"

"Nik, have The Commandos been dispatched per my request?" asks Shemaleya.
"Yes, my Lord. As you forsaw, my uncanny resemblance to The Commandos' owner worked in our favor. I posed as him, and made sure their roster was sent in far too late to be considered." says Nik Landsoh.
"Excellent work, my young apprentice! Now, let us join in the chant that has brought us to this point, and will continue to work in our favor." advises Shemaleya.
The quartet bows their heads and chants the most holy of all passages in the Sith religion.
"Tuesdays Forever. Tuesdays Forever. Tuesdays Forever. Tuesdays Forever..."

Well it doesn't look like those wacky Sith are going to stop chanting anytime soon, so I suppose it's time to wrap up this special edition of Spoiler Sport: Mid Season Play-off Planet Edition! It's hard to say when we'll be back, but hopefully it's sooner than later! I definately missed reporting on The League, and sharing information with all of you fine viewers out there! Stay tuned for Ultimate Tazer Ball, coming up next!!! For The Ocho, I'm Cotton McKnight! Thank you, and goodnight!