George Washington's Slaves Vs. Beckerman's Backyardigan's: Beeyatches

George Washington's Slaves are: George Washington (w/ an Iron Man suit and green lightsaber), Darth Shemalya, Nik Landsoh, Brek Nyram, Superman, Jor-El, Amazo, Green Arrow (Conner Hawk), Speedy (Mia Deardon), Loki, Wolverine, Kid Omega, Korg, Xorn (Kuan-Yin), S.U.R.F.: Sharkskin, Eel, and Undertow, The Protectobots (form Defensor/Protectimus Prime): Hot Spot (w. Autobot Matrix of Leadership), First Aid, Grooves, Blades, and Streetwise, Medusa, Crocodile Dundee (w/ Darth Nihilus' Red Lightsaber), Air Bud, Peter Griffin (in an Iron Man Suit), Stewie Griffin (w/ a green lantern ring), Lois Griffin (w/ throwing knives), Meg Griffin, Chris Griffin, Gigantor, Aladdin, Abu, Jasmine, Magic Carpet, and The Genie, Frog Suit Luigie, Ki Adi Mundi, Wedge Antilles in an Arwing, Poe Dameron and BB-8 in a Super Star Destroyer, Jedi Master Dooku, and Padawan Qui Gon Jinn.

Beckerman's Backyardigan's: Beeyatches are: Mr. Mind, Vampire Kilawog, Aya, Razor, Superior Spiderman, Scarlet Spider, Baron Zemo, Angel Salvador, Albert w/ Elsie Dee, Grey Hulk, Mr. Sinister, Mazinger Z w/ Koubyi Kabuto, Darth Marr, Darth Voaran, The Eye of Sauron, Huffer, Man-E-Faces, Fisto, Clawful, Sagat, Noob Saibot, Bio Dreads #4 & 5, Phazeron, and Ninja Pirate #4


As the B-3 Squad lies in wait, having taken control of the forest and most of the city; The Star Destroyer Devastator breaks through the atmosphere with nearly all of the Slaves on board. Except for a few sleeper agents who have been inserted into key geographic locations, most members of George Washington's crew prepare for a ground assault and await his orders from the bridge of the Star Destroyer.

Washington stands, ever dignified with his perfectly shined Stark armor, sans helmet which rests in his arm, right above the polished green lightsaber which hangs from his belt. Most would assume that the general would never see combat, due to his position on the team, and the condition of his protective gear; but his teammates know better. They know that he can use the shiny weapons in his array as well as any other soldier on his roster. No big speech is given before the battle as individual orders are handed out; but Green Arrow, along with his trusty sidekick Speedy approach the general on the bridge with a stack full of papers, brimming with notes from the assessment General Washington has ordered.

“Captain Hawk, REPORT”. Washington bellows.

“Well sir, although casualties are always a regrettable function of this type of postseason league play, we have carefully analyzed their attack patterns, troop placement, and overall squad power; and we should run in to little difficulty winning the day”. Says the son of the original Green Arrow.

“Unacceptable soldier, we give nothing less than 200% here. The Backyardigans have been a FFL powerhouse for years. We can't afford to hold back one iota”. Says Washington.

“Sir, with all due respect. Our men are prepared to give their all and then some. I have not shared this conclusion with anybody else on the active squad. I am just giving the report based on the discovery you ordered. My analysis may be wrong, but sir: Lest we forget that you chose me for a reason. My analysis' have rarely been wrong in the past, and I used only the most accurate methodology”. Says Hawk with confidence.

“Very well, Captain”. Washington says in a calmer tone.

Hawk continues: “Shall Speedy and I take position in the woods”.

“No, captain. An attack on this Star Destroyer is imminent, we will need several troops on board to defend against it when the time comes. And I could use a man of your particular skills here on the bridge”. Says the former president.

As suspected by Washington, the Ninja Pirate, along with Baron Zemo, Darth Marr, his apprentice Darth Voaran, and Noob Saibot whose stealth and teleportation powers are necessary for the plan prepare to sneak on to the inside of the Star Destroyer, take out Washington himself, turn the weapons systems on the unsuspecting Slaves, and then inevitably crash the vessel on the planet's surface. Washington, may suspect this threat; but he does not know that the five troops have already made their way on to the surface of the ship and have begun sneaking through the immense cargo hold. Wedge patrols the air in his Arwing and catches a glimpse of something near this area, and reports the anomaly back to Poe; but he cannot confirm anything for sure.

As the battle starts to look like it is about to start, the first real action comes is brought to Wedge. A Season 1 veteran of The Slaves, Wedge has yet to fly an Arwing in battle and is regretting never having the experience prior. The maneuverability seems more like something from a childhood simulator toy back on Alderan than it does an actual ship, but Wedge of course is a natural. Aya and Rayzor fly up quick on either side of Wedge and attempt to double flank him; but Wedge breaks hard into a spin maneuver. He targets Aya, locks on, and blasts her with a missile. Rayzor becomes infuriated at the death of his robot girlfriend and breaks in to a rage, with his red lantern ring finding new power with every maddening thought. Rayzor stops in mid-air to put up a huge red wall and send forth a massive blast of plasma; but Wedge loops backwards in the craft and comes up from underneath the red lantern turncoat to laser blast him from underneath. Although Wedge is not quite out of the woods yet, as the two Bio-Dreads are quickly on his tail. Wedge deploys counter-measures and then double taps down and hits the yellow left arrow button on his control stick to blast ahead, whip around, and head right back towards his opponents. Both flying Bio-Dreads are then targeted and taken out of the sky with perfectly aimed laser blasts.

The great, fiery, lidless Eye of Sauron stands at the top of its tower, placed at the end of the forest as the last line of defense for The B-3 Squad. The Backyardigans remain confident that despite their opponents power that they have no clear answer for Sauron's all powerful Eye. Nearly their entire squad stands firm in the outskirts of the city and the perimeter of the forest and awaits the imminent attack of The Slaves.

An attack that is about to take place:

Mr. Mind and Kid Omega are instantly drawn to one another as a test of the brain power becomes an instant obsession of them both. Mr. Mind goes in for the attack first as the two simply stand a few feet away from each other having the entire battle take place within their heads. Mr. Mind attempts to disrupt the cortex of the younger Kid Omega, but the student of Xavier is able to redirect the thought process and implant a biological shutdown order in to the brain of Mr. Mind. Mr. Mind falls over dead; but Kid Omega, so entrenched in his own entrancement does not even notice the looming foot of Grey Hulk which smashes in the young mutant's face like an ant.

Amazo duplicates the green lantern ring of Vampire Kilowag, and instantly finds himself to be evenly matched with the muscle bound alien; but Kilowag bypasses his Oan-given powers for a moment and relies simply on his vampire fangs and bloodlust to bite the neck of the advanced android and rip out his metal spine. Kilowag's fangs crack as he spits metal from his mouth but he gives a triumphant scream and reignites his own green aura on his way to his next battle. But Kilowag becomes confused by his own triumph as five more Amazos pop up around him. Then ten more, then twenty more. Kilowag exhausts the power of his ring blasting through the seemingly easy targets; but they just keep coming. He eventually falls from the sky from both physical exhaustion and a lack of green energy, while Loki walks up casually and says: “Holograms, I believe is the best way to describe my Amazo clan, silly alien”.... Loki then reveals sharpened wood at the bottom of his staff which he harshly delivers through the chest of the vampire green lantern.

The S.U.R.F. Trio are extremely happy to have a fourth with Frog Suit Luigie, because now they can play underwater Euchre instead of their normal three man poker games. They are equally pleased to see that B-3 played no water characters at all and that the ocean is theirs. They await orders to leave their water post while Luigi and Sharkskin upset the normally unbeatable duo of Eel and Undertow after a Luigi loner hand.

Man-E-Faces gets separated from his team and begins wandering through the forest when he hears something in the distance. He draws the sword that his toy came with; but that I never saw him use in the cartoon and then goes in to full monster mode. The noise he hears soon after develops into Crocodile Dundee who says: “You call that a sword.... THIS IS A SWORD, as he ignites his lightsaber and stabs it through one of Man-E-Faces many faces.

Mr. Sinister easily walks through the alien-tech laser blasts of Jor-El and casually hands him his lungs; but Xorn takes the gun, breaks it in half with his powers and sends the gun shards violently into the body of Mr. Sinister. Grey Hulk then gets his second act of vengeance in for the day as he hand claps the ears of Xorn turning his covered face into a pinkish oatmeal-like substance. Korg attempts to tussle with the grey version of his old friend but finds that he is still no match for the grey version of his planet's former champion either. Korg gets in some very damaging, house leveling blows; but Hulk lifts the alien up over his head and then brings down the rock covered Korg in a back-breaker that busts him into little more than a pile of rocks. Superman sees this from across the battle and comes to the realization that this is a job for him. He also decides that it has come time in this match for him to make his run. Superman flies in significantly faster than a speeding bullet could and easily sends Hulk thirty feet out. Hulk regains his composure and leaps towards Superman, pulling him to the ground. The two trade punches for several minutes, but this smaller, and not quite as strong version of the Hulk just simply does not have what it takes to stand toe to toe with the Man of Steel. Superman delivers an upper cut which puts Banner airborne and then swiftly delivers another series of punches to break the Hulk's neck. Superman gains a sadness as he looks over to see the dead body of his Kryptonian birth father and shoots off into the distance. Despite their powerset, Supes makes short work of The Otto Octavius and Felicity Hardy Spider duo and then takes out Angel Salvador with a quick blast of heat vision as well.

Albert and Elsie-Dee may be significantly smarter than Wolverine, as well as being former allies of the mutant; but this is war, and Wolverine does not even consider hesitating against a clawed android whose actual fighting prowess is somewhat lacking. “Sorry Bub, you're pretty good lookin for a robot”, Wolvie says as he rips apart Abert with his claws; and then finishes up with: “And you may look cute; but I know you ain't no real little girl” as he does the same to Elsie Dee.

Back on the ship, Baron Zemo leads the Sith Lords, Mortal Kombatter, and Ninja Pirate into the cockpit where they quickly murder Poe Dameron by shooting him in the back of the head. BB-8 is able to right the ship; but they are pretty much nothing more than a floating vessel at the moment without a skilled pilot at the helm. The Backyardigan Invaders begin moving towards BB-8, when Washington himself comes rushing in along with Green Arrow, Speedy, Air Bud, and The Aladdin crew. Appalled by the fact that they were able to get through his defenses and take out his pilot, despite him knowing that they were going to attempt a move this bold enrages the patriot, who yells: “TAKE NO PRISONERS”, as his skeleton crew of troops defend the cockpit. The mastermind behind the sneak attack, the stealthy Ninja Pirate, pulls out his fabric-wrapped cutlass and takes the head of Jasmine at the onset, which sends Aladdin into a rage yelling: “ONLY A WOMAN'S HUSBAND CAN CUT HER HEAD OFF WHERE I COME FROM”. He and Abu then fly in on the Magic Carpet and beat the Ninja Pirate into The Graveyard while The Genie manically chuckles in the background. Darth Marr begins taunting General Washington with some very Politically Incorrect, anti-American rhetoric, and going on about liberalism and how bad religion is. He appears to be giving this speech in the form of a stand up comic, but nothing he says is very funny. Maher, I mean Marr then rushes towards the general with his college student-like apprentice following close behind him; but Speedy backs up Washington and sends an arrow through the eye of Lord Voaron to even the fight back up for her General. Washington powers up his Iron Man suit and ignites his lightsaber to begin dueling with the Sith Lord, whom he eventually disarms after demonstrating superior strength thanks to his suit and then sends a glaring red rocket into the chest of the anti-American Sith Lord (Happy Memorial Day Beeyatch). Meanwhile, Conner Hawk and Noob Saibot are in the midst of a pitched battle, while Air Bud is gnawing on the nuts and butthole of his victim Baron Zemo because it is the best place to start to be able to eat the good stuff (what, it's what dogs do (don't blame me)). Noob is keeping Green Arrow at bay with his multiple teleport attacks, but Conner eventually gains the upper hand and leg sweeps Saibot down to the ground before quickly putting a pair of arrows into his chest at point blank range.

Back on the ground: the 2 battles that you all have been waiting for are shaping up: While the Griffin family sizes up Clawful and Sagat which is still in the long-pre-fight-conversation part of the battle. Darth Shemalya and her minions prepare to do battle with The Mighty Phazeron........

“We are connected you and I”. Phazeron says to Shemalya.

“Yes, the very existential nature of our creator, gives us common bond”. Shemalya agrees.

“My internal bio-sensors read that you have grown quite powerful Shemalya. You should thank our maker for such gifts; but lest you forget he created me at the draft of the Universe itself. And he created me to be the most powerful character of all”. Taunts Phazeron.

“Ha character you say” jibes Shemalya. She continues: “I am more powerful than any character. Any team. Any Maker. And any Watcher. I am the Dark Lord of the Dark Lords. The Dark Queen of The Force. The only question I have is: Who is more powerful?? The second most powerful creation of The Maker; or the henchman of the most powerful being in The Universe?? Now..... SICK HIM MY DOGS” Shemalya yells to her apprentices.

Brek and Nik both ignite Crimson lightsabers and rush towards Phazeron; but Phazeron takes flight and evades their initial attacks. Phazeron gracefully flies down and knocks the lightsaber from Nyram before delivering a powerful cosmic uppercut to the apprentice which takes his head clean off. Landsoh attempts to avenge his partner; but Phazeron blasts himself backwards and then lets loose a concentrated blast of energy towards Nik which burns him to a crisp. Phazeron glares over at Shemalya and then arrogantly flies into the air and leaves a flaming trail behind him in the shape of a P which matches the P on his chest and is visible for miles of the Playoff Planet. Shemalya simply laughs at such a parlor trick and uses the Force to pull out her own lightsaber. The lightsaber ignites in mid-air and then Shemalya uses her powers to shape it into an S. She then sends the S-shaped tool of lesser force users into the chest of Phazeron. Branding him as a slave of Shemalya and giving way for the absorption of his very life force. Shemalya, after making everyone witness her vast array of power, learns of the nearby enemy named Fisto. She knows nothing of this character other than that his name sounds like a great time. She moves towards the Eternian in an attempt to possibly molest the large hand of the muscle bound fighter before she rips out his literal heart. Fisto, who had just looked over at Medusa and survived, unfortunately looked into the eyes of his would be lover and turned to stone.

Back at the other “SUPER-IMPORTANT” battle, Clawful has already broken the spines of both Meg and Chris with his massive claw hand; but Peter and Stewie combine their Stark tech and green energy to blow the Skeletor henchman to pieces. Lois on the other hand had her throwing knives dodged by Sagat, who delivered a crescent kick to her head that broke her neck. Sagat is already debilitated, going into this battle, not from their power set; but from the very smell of Peter Griffin. You see, it was everything the team could do to get Peter into that Iron Man Suit, and now that they got him in it several months ago, he is totally stuck inside. The smell is nearly unbearable. Peter and Stewie barrage Sagat with energy blasts and jokes about what his name rhymes with, scarring him up even further; but Sagat is able to send his brown-parentheses power, or whatever it is that you call that thing into both of them to win the day. Unfortunately for Sagat though, Dooku and the young Qui Gon make rather short work of him in his weakened state afterwards.

Washington radios down to Superman and the rest of the squad to put together their final push and attempt to take out the Eye of Sauron. Superman says that he will volunteer to lead the way, when Protectimus Prime, the Autobot formerly known as Hot Spot chimes in. He says: “Superman, General Washington, the rest of you, I need you to listen to me. I have traveled deep into the Matrix. I have spoken with and learned from Optimus Prime, Rodimus Prime, Alpha Trion, and many more. The Matrix is the only way we can stop the mighty deceiver known as Sauron. You must allow me to make the ultimate sacrifice. It is the only way to achieve victory for our team”.

Most stand silent, when Ki Adi Mundi speaks saying: “Yes, this has worked for us before as I recall”.

“It's true. I saw it firsthand” says Wedge over the Arwing comlink for all to hear. (**See The Slaves Season 2 Playoff Match Vs. The Commandos for more backstory and to know what Wedge and Master Mundi are talking about).

Protectimus Prime then pulls Superman aside and says: “I have a favor to ask you Supes. If this plan works, my fellow Protectobots and I will not make it out alive; but the Matrix of Leadership should survive. If it does, I ask that you please deliver the Matrix to Thunderclash. The Matrix desires to be back with a semi-truck form. He may not be Optimus Prime yet; but he has the potential”.

Supes nods in agreement and Protectimus Prime turns his attention back to his troops and the battle.

The team agrees and Protectimus Prime gives the order for his Protectobots to merge to form Prime Defensor. The combiner known as Defensor was a mid-level combiner; but now with the Matrix of leadership at its core Defensor Prime is the most powerful Gestalt ever formed by the Autobots or Decepticons. The massive Transformer begins running at break neck speed as he mows through the last line of Sauron's defenses. Defensor Prime busts Mazinger Z (although Ki Adi Mundi cleaed up the leftovers and took out Kabuyi Kabuto), breaking the fellow orignal Anime character to pieces and he does not hesitate to do the same to his old friend Huffer. Defensor Prime then sees The Eye of Sauron in the distance and increases his running speed even more. The Eye remains still, waiting, not thinking there could possibly be enough good to overtake the evil of Sauron; but Defensor Prime leaps directly into the eye of Sauron and when he does both Defensor Prime and the Great Eye simply vanish without a trace. Less than a second later, nothing more than The Autobot Matrix of Leadership simply falls out of the air where the Eye once rested.

Back on The Star Destroyer Devastator, General George Washington gives his order to have his troops return to the ship, when Captain Conner Hawk approaches.

“What is it Captain” asks Washington.

Green Arrow unprofessionally smiles at his commander and says: “General Washington: Permission to say I told you so”??

Washington looks over at Hawk with the beginnings of the look that every member of the team fears; but the look turns into a smirk when Washington says: “Permission granted”..........