Season Three: Week 3: Michael Vick's Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve vs. Le' Napoleon Brigade

The Kennelz are Mace Windu, Anakin Skywalker, Ahsoka Tano, Galactus, Nova, Terrax, Firelord, Kratos, 4 Oa Guardians, Saint Walker, Brandon Inge, & Justin Oblak in Mandalorian Armor.

The Brigade is Golden Age Wonder Woman in her Invisible Jet, Jetfire & Jetstorm, Grape Ape, Jack the Giant Killer, Spider Girl, Red Lantern #1, Kingdom Come Flash, Leia Organa-Solo (Jedi), Jaina Solo, Guy Gardner (with Yellow Ring), Padme Amidala, Obi Wan Kenobi, Stass Allie in a Tie Bomber, Anakin Solo, Coleman Trebor, Batgirl, Alia Atreides Ghola, & Jedi Master #31.

“To say it was a nightmare is not doing it justice,” a still shaken Leia Organa-Solo said to her assistant coach, Bo Schembechler. “It was as if none of us were fighting in the same match. I mean, we were all there together, but at the same time, no one could agree on what was happening”.

Bo looked back at her, wearing a face that was less then convinced with her story.

“Have I ever given a reason not to believe me?” Leia was now angry and slammed her hand on her coaches’ desk while she spoke to him. Bo looked at her with a concerned, yet hesitant look on his face and said, “Look Leia, I’m just trying to find out exactly what happened. It’s always important to get all the information together as quickly as possible so we can analyze the match thoroughly. You understand where I’m coming from, don’t you?”

Leia’s anger has subsided for the moment while she took a moment to respond to the legendary leader. “Yes, I understand all of that. Which is why I have told you everything I know about the match.”

Bo: “That’s the problem though Leia, I’m not understanding what you are saying. The story you keep telling me does not describe a clear enough picture of what happened”.

Leia: “That’s as clear as it’s going to get. None of this makes sense to me either, but I don’t know what else you want from me.”

Bo: “I just want to understand exactly what happened out there. Try explaining it one more time to me then. Maybe there is something that you forgot…” Leia starts to interrupt the coach but he stops her immediately and continues to talk over her. “Tell me one more time what happened and I promise I won’t ask you anymore questions. I trust you the most out of anyone who was there. Just try and remember it one more time and I promise you can go.”

Leia looked at Schembechler with distain but obviously still had a great deal of respect for hall of fame head coach, which is why she agreed to the deal. He poured her another cup of coffee and once again began to explain the details of her Coruscantian nightmare.

We started out, well I started out in this shady bar in the lower end of town. It was obvious to me that we had not all started out in the same place. This place is enormous like I said to you earlier. I mean it’ s nothing but a never-ending city. I’ve been there before but I am never quite sure of where I am. It’s almost like nothing is ever familiar, but at the same time everything looks the same. I know that doesn’t make sense but you have to go there to understand what I am talking about.

“I understand all of this Leia, just skip to the fighting. I want to know what happened, not get another Frommer’s guide to Coruscant from you” an already irritated Bo said to her.

Leia with a sly smile on her face that spoke to that fact that she was purposely going into unimportant detail, cut to the chase of what happened.

Like I said, the place is nuts and placing a fight there is all the more crazy. So many innocent people everywhere, I can’t even imagine how many people were killed. The fighting though, well, there was plenty of that. Like I mentioned before, I was in this shady bar with Jack, Spider Girl, Bat Girl, Obi Wan, 31, Alia, my mom and two of my children. We were all pleased to have some semblance of a team, as we figured this place was going to be rough enough even without an opponent.

We were only there for maybe five or ten minutes before our first skirmish began. It was actually strange to see our opponents at first, because it did not seem like we should be fighting them at all. Mace, my father and his Padawan walked into the bar obviously looking for us. It took me a second to notice the other two guys that were with them were even our opponents. That was of course until they started coming at us. Normally non-powers let the powers get the first strike in, but these two guys were different. One of them was wearing a shirt with no sleeves on it carrying a bat and the other had a large suit of armor on. I thought he might be a bounty hunter of some kind, but I just didn’t know. Either way I knew what little calm we may have had was over with.

Obi Wan and I immediately took out our light sabers and began to attack Mace and my dad. My kids jumped at the chance to attack Ahsoka, to which they handled very well. I couldn’t pay too much attention to their fight, but before I was even gaining the upper hand, Jaina had her light saber in the back of the young Padawan. My father was an excellent fighter and I knew that I could not handle him on my own. His speed and control of the force was quite impressive, I totally understood what my mom had always said about him. He wasn’t evil yet; in fact I felt an overwhelming amount of good in him. It was something that I never expected to feel, not on this level at least.

Given, all of this thought and emotion was instantly off set by the fact that he was trying to kill me at the time, but I know this is just a game and I wasn’t going to take it personally. Our fight continued for a while, but not before 31 and my kids joined in. Anakin knew he was out-numbered in this fight and along with Mace, ran out of the bar. We quickly began to follow after them, but not before my mother and father caught a quick glance of each other. It was a strange moment, as if they wanted to embrace but knew that they would be violating some sort of truce in the league.
Regardless, this quick glance was all the time they had, as it was my mothers last moment in the match. Just as Padme looked over at Anakin, Brandon Inge knocked her down to the ground with his bat and the suited guy, whose name is the Golden Boy or something like that, shot her three times in the chest, killing her. I don’t know who was more enraged, my father or myself. I honestly thought Anakin was going to kill his teammates right on the spot, but as it turns out he did not need to.

Immediately Bat Girl and Spider Girl took control of the situation and before either one of the cocky humans could even fight back, they were subdued. Spider Girl grabbed both of them with her webbing, while Bat Girl repeatedly wailed on them. Then Alia slit the throat of Brandon with her Crystknife and Jack stabbed the Golden Boy right through the face with his sword. Mace and Anakin were well on their way outside when out of nowhere, a good friend of mine stopped them in their tracks.

The shear size of Grape Ape is always a shock the first couple of times you see him. There was no exception to this rule this time either, as both my father and Mace stopped immediately and began to find another route to move in. This sudden stoppage in movement gave the rest of us time to corner the Jedi warriors. I rushed my father, while Obi Wan once again took up his fight with master Windu. It was a strange thing fighting my father that day, not because of the fact that he was my father, but because I knew I was going to win.

Given, it was a team effort, but it only took a couple of minutes for me to finish off my father and for Obi-Wan and my Anakin to finish off master Windu. With my team basically intact after this initial fight, I was feeling good about everything. That is when it a turn for the surreal. Wally had been in a state of constant movement, as that is the only state he is able to function in these days. This makes him not so useful in the fighting arena, but it does make him useful in other areas.

During his thousands of trips around the planet already, he had already witnessed many things during this battle that we could have not known about. He had first tried to convey messages to us by crude means, which did not work. Then through the force I was able to understand what he was trying to tell us. It still doesn’t quite make any sense to me what he was trying to say, but now I can at least translate the emotion behind it.

He started telling me to run, but then changed his mind and said to hide. He kept going back in forth on this, which was making it very hard to take what he was saying seriously. After hearing this constant change of mind a dozen or so times he then stopped communicating. Then he said one last thing. It took me a couple of times to understand what it was he was trying to get across to me, because all he said was, “You’re not where you think you are, do what you can to leave.”

That was the last thing he said to me. Then everything changed for good.

After this coach is where it goes all-existential. I will try and tell you what I remember, but I still don’t think you are going to get what you want.
Bo looked directly at here with not an ounce of levity in his face and said, “That’s fine Leia, just tell me it again.”

I was standing outside of the platform with everyone I had been fighting with when all of a sudden I was standing next to my father on Alderaan. He wasn’t speaking to me but I could feel that we were having a conversation. Then out of nowhere I saw a light as bright as a star coming towards the both of us. I pulled him down to the ground to avoid the collision, but when I looked down at him, it was actually Jaina who I was laying on top of. We were on the floor of the Jedi Library, no longer on Alderaan.

Nobody else was around me, but I could tell that nothing was right. It looked and even smelled real, but something about it felt off. I could tell that Jaina was actually there with me, but despite the fact that we seemed to be alone, I knew we were not. We immediately stood up and began to run towards the exit. We ran for only a minute before we were met by another change of scenery, this one involving the death of my daughter. In an instant, we were standing on an air platform in the middle of Coruscant skyline. I was looking down at the cityscape and before I could even regain my balance, something has pierced a staff made of flames through the chest of my daughter.

I screamed out and jumped off the platform in an attempt to chase down her killer, but it was of no use. I was falling for mere seconds when I realized I was back where I began. I looked around me and nearly everyone I had been fighting with was dead. I was naturally in shock of it all and without the help of Guy Gardner, I would not be able to even understand it a little of what happened. I saw Guy coming towards me and though I knew it looked like him, I still feared that it might not be what I thought it was.

Gardner came up to me and said that we did not have much time. He told me that there were only a couple of us left. He said that the 4 Oa Guardians along with Saint Walker had killed everyone I had been fighting with, including Obi Wan and my son. He told me that they were very close and that they were not who we should be truly afraid of. I told him of the bright light and the figure with the flaming staff, but he did not seem to care to listen.

I could see Wonder Woman coming towards us very quickly at this time, but before she was able to make contact, I was once again taken away. At first I was under water, then I was back at the beginning of the match. This time I was watching from an observer’s perspective. I was sitting there watching myself fight my father in the bar, something I remembered doing not that long ago. Then I was in space and soon enough after that, I was watching the rest of my team do battle. I could see Jetfire fly around, killing both Oa Guardian #2 and 3. Red Lantern #1 was doing battle with Saint Walker and Wonder Woman was flying around chasing the creature that killed my daughter.

Red Lantern #1 was eventually able to kill Saint Walker, but was quickly over taken by the two remaining Oa Guardians. Jetfire was now chasing Jaina’s killer (Firelord) along with Wonder Woman and with their combined efforts, were able to destroy the terrible creature. Before I was even able to gather my thoughts, I noticed Stass Allie flying below me in a Tie Bomber. She was chasing something around, but before I could watch the outcome, I was lying underneath a pile of rubble, near nothing that looked familiar.

I could hear faint sounds in the distance and could sense that mass destruction was or had taken place. I looked far off from where I was and could see something massive on the other end of the skyline. Right before I could get a clear look at what it was I thought I was seeing, Gardner and Wonder Woman were upon me again.

Leia: “What the hell is going on”

Gardner: “No time Leia, figured a way for you”.

Leia: “A way for what? What is…”

Wonder Woman: “No time for this. Coleman, Stass and the machines are dead”.

Leia: “But I just saw them…”

Wonder Woman: “It’s who we thought it was. We can’t beat him, but that doesn’t mean…”

Gardner: “Diana, no more time. Just do it.”

Leia: “But I don’t understand, can’t you just explain”.

Gardner: “Is he ready?”

Wonder Woman: “Do it”.

“Then I remember flashes of light for a second and out of the blue, I was back here. I don’t know what happened, I don’t know if anything I saw was true and I have no idea how I died. Now is that enough for you? Did you get anything new from the same story the third time around?” Bo just looked back at her with the same blank face he had been wearing for the last ten minutes.

“Look coach, I don’t know what happened in the match past that. I understand that you are upset about the start of this season, but there was nothing else I could have done in that match. I’m sorry that I lost track of my position and I am sorry I was killed”.

Bo then looked at Leia and the blank look on his face turned into a slight smirk.

Bo: “It’s even more impressive then I originally thought”.

Leia: “Yeah and I what would that be?”

Bo: “The fact that you actually think you died.”

Leia looked at Bo with a look of bewilderment that had pretty much been the makeup of her entire day.

Bo: “I didn’t want to know what happened from a final outcome perspective Leia. I already know what happened in the match. I was more interested in seeing if you had any idea of what happened to you. Wally and Gardner are even better then I ever imagined.”

Leia: “What do you mean I didn’t die? How was I brought back here? I don’t remember a thing. Who won the match?”

Bo: “The outcome was unfortunate for us Leia. Your moments of insanity were the result of coming into contact with Galactus. Your daughter was killed by a herald named Firelord.”

Leia: “If we lost, then why am I still alive?”

Bo: “Because Guy, Diana and Wally found a way for you to live. They knew at a certain point that the match was doomed and that you finding safe haven the old fashioned way was going to be impossible.”

Leia: “Then how did they get me out?"

Bo: “Guy figured out that he could keep you safe in a protective sphere for a short amount of time, hence the reason you were able to watch moments of the match without Galactus’ reality warping effects. Guy knew that if he could protect you in a sphere long enough to get you to Wally, that he might be able to teleport you back to our base. The plan was originally supposed to get you and Wally back safely, but as it turns out, it only was able to save you in the end.”

Leia: “What happened to Guy, Diana and Wally then?”

Bo: “Though they were able to kill Kratos and the remaining Oa Guardians, Galactus and his two remaining heralds were just too much for them to overcome. They sacrificed themselves to keep you alive.”

Leia: “I don’t understand why they would work through all of this just to get me to safety. All of them are so much more powerful then I am. Why not put all of their energy into trying to kill Galactus?”

Bo: “Because you are a born leader, just as I am Leia. Everybody sees it in you. They trust and respect you. You ask me why they spent that much time and energy on saving you, it’s because you have what it takes to lead this team. One day I see you leading this team to victory. You can learn to become a great fighter, but true leadership is something you are born with. So even though we lost today, we still managed to get a small victory in the end.”

Leia looked humbled by his words, but was not going to let him get away with it completely.

Leia: “I never figured you as the sentimental type coach.”

Bo: “Yeah well, don’t expect to see it again anytime soon. I can’t imagine Napoleon finding it as an endearing quality, especially after another loss.”

Leia: “Don’t worry about it coach, your secret is safe with me.


Michael Vick’s Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve: Galactus, Nova and Terrax survived.

Le’ Napoleon Brigade: Leia Organa-Solo survived.

Michael Vick’s Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve are Victorious!