OFFICIAL RESIGNATION OF COMMISSIONER BECKS AND B3

After several weeks of contemplation, it is with both great sadness and trepidation that I am officially announcing not only my resignation as Commissioner, but also as a Watcher and more importantly, as an owner affiliated with the Fantasy Fantasy League.  

 As an owner, I believe that many individuals in society, especially athletes in professional settings, stay too long and end their careers, instead of on a high note, as one who failed to realize the game had passed them by.  In this case, from an egotistical standpoint, I believe that I have proven to all in my five years with this league that I was a most formidable opponent.  Statistically, I have been to two Universe Bowls, winning one.  My victory-to-loss ratio for the years I entered into combat is near the top of all time.  My death ratio in the league’s graveyard is near the top at sending people of other teams, while near the bottom at sending members of my own.  Accordingly, I am leaving this league knowing that my team has fought valiantly, with honor and “on top.”

 Since I am relinquishing my ownership, I have designated the fate of my own team.  As Commissioner, I have acknowledged and accepted the B3 Team’s disbursements in light of a variety of factors.  Accordingly, being of sound mind and body, I, as owner of Beckerman’s Backyardigans’ Beyatches, duly authorized by the Commissioner, am leaving the following members of my squad to the following teams:

 

Fighting Murderflies

To one of the few individuals whom I see myself attending every Star Wars Celebration with in the future and who understands my quirks and accepts them nonetheless.  I, with the blessing of T.O.D., E. and Shamalay, leave you the following:

 

1.      Amatsu-Mikaboshi, The Chaos King

2.      Ego

3.      Zombie Darth Maul

4.      Nazgul #6 with devil lance

5.      Nazgul #6 Horse

6.      Nazgul #6 Fell Beast

7.      Hondo Maclean with Sea Attack

8.      Sly Rax with Piranha

9.      The Energizer Bunny

10.  Rowlf the Dog

11.  SHIELD Helicarrier

 

Montana Obama Commandos

To another SWC clan-member whom I am proud to call not only one of the best shirt designers in the Midwest, but more importantly, a true friend.   I leave you the following:

 

1.      Spike

2.      Bellatrix Lestrange

3.      Professor Minerva McGonagall

4.      Hermione Granger with magic lamp and Ferengi energy whip

5.      Emperor Han

6.      Belle with Star Wand and Demon rod

7.      Tenderheart Bear

8.      Cheer Bear

9.      Hannibal of Crete

10.  Death Star

 

Better Than All of You

To my Halfling-Hebrew brother, a great golf buddy (who can actually golf) and a righteous dude, I leave you the following:

 

1.      Predi-Alien with red lantern ring

2.      Oblivion

3.      Black Widow Shark

4.      Fafnir

5.      Skullcruncher

6.      Grax

7.      Clawful

8.      Wyvern

9.      Noob Saibot

10.  Pod racer

11.  F-22

12.  Life Model Decoys #1-3

13.  Clone Juggernaught

 

George Washington’s Slaves

To a guy with one of the driest and greatest senses of humor around and hopefully will man-up and run with me some day at the Beer Mile, I leave you the following:

 

1.      Zombie Al Dogg

2.      Living Tribunal

3.      One Above All

4.      Yendar Platis

5.      Mer-Man

6.      Tyvokka with indigo lantern ring

7.      Grand Admiral Thrawn

8.      Batgirl (Cassandra Cain) with black lightsaber

9.      Hovercraft

10.  Super Star Destroyer

 

TEAM

To a guy whom not only looks the best in a grass skirt and Hawaiian shirt, but also has the most-wicked ability to create a golf club into a kite, I leave you the following:

 

1.      Gladiator Voltron #1

2.      Gladiator Voltron #2

3.      Gladiator Voltron #3

4.      Gladiator Voltron #4

5.      Gladiator Voltron #5

6.      Zombie Superman

7.      King Hiss

8.      Vega

9.      Rain

10.  Peppy Hare with Darth Maul’s double lightsaber

11.  Jimmy Lee

12.  Nomad

13.  F-Zero Car

14.  Cybertonian Spaceship

 

Sleeping Pussy

To my “special” friend. . . ‘Nuff said.  I leave you the following:

 

1.      Duncan McLeod with green lightsaber

2.      Brother Blood with Sirius Black’s wand

3.      Ash with Mandalorian armor

4.      Sherlock Holmes

5.      Dr. John H. Watson

6.      James Bond

7.      Korvac

8.      Lizard

9.      Captain Nemo and Nautilus

10.  Palantir

 

Horsemen of Apokolips

To one of the greatest artists I know and an even better friend.  I hope to see you at many conventions and gatherings in the future. I leave you the following:

1.      Michael Myers with red lightsaber

2.      Dracula

3.      Vulcan

4.      Matt Oblak with Mandalorian armor, green and blue lightsabers

5.      Dr. Teresa Oblak with Tron lightsuit and light disc, blue and green lightsabers

6.      Gambit with magnaguard electrostaff

7.      Captain Britain

8.      Legolas with Sinestro’s green lantern ring

9.      Boromir

10.  Heat axe (to be placed by Commissioner)

11.  The Ark (Transformers)

 

Brotherhood of Evil Midgets

To the man who started it all and introduced me to a group of “scum and villainy” that is rivaled next to none.  I cannot thank you enough.  I leave you the following:

 

1.      Wolverine

2.      Boba Fett with double bladed red lightsaber

3.      Pre Viszla

4.      Jeer Dexton

5.      Jool Nooret

6.      Star Wolf with laser sword, laser gun and Pokeball

7.      Nazgul #9

8.      Nazgul #9 Horse

9.      Nazgul #9 Fell Beast

10.  Duncan Idaho Ghola #9

11.  Aircraft Carrier

12.  Atlas axe (to be placed by Commissioner)

13.  Yoshi Egg

 

Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve

To my fellow Man in Maize and Blue.  I hope to one day celebrate a National Title with you.  I leave you the following:

1.      Pre-Suit Vader

2.      Cyclonus

3.      Cyclonus Armada

4.      Sasquatch

5.      Captain Universe

6.      Brawn

7.      Mara Jade, Jedi

8.      Rakkim Epps

9.      Clairy Fray

10.  Red Star

11.  Flamethrower (to be placed by Commissioner)

12.  Independence Day Ship

 

Logical Genocide

To the man I call a friend, my coup-partner and fellow, avid collector.  Most important, to a man who had the good sense to marry an individual who bakes the best cupcakes this side of the Mississippi, I leave you the following:

 

1.      Mogo

2.      Ranx the Sentient City

3.      Deadman

4.      Arkillo

5.      Soranak Natu

6.      Chip

7.      Dale

8.      Yellow Lantern Bryan Beckerman

9.      Green lightsaber (to be placed by Commissioner)

10.  S.P.I.N. Tech

 

Layander’s Kitties

To the team I hope grows with their owners, I leave you the following:

 

1.      Arc Trooper Captain

2.      Arc Trooper Lieutenant #1

3.      Arch Trooper Lieutenant #2

4.      Arc Trooper Heavy Weapons

5.      Arc Trooper #1

6.      Arc Trooper #2

7.      Arc Trooper #3

8.      Arc Trooper #4

9.      Arc Trooper #5

10.  Krypto

11.  R2-KT

12.  Warpath

13.  Nightbird

14.  Toxie

15.  Major Disaster

16.  NoZone

17.  Junkyard

18.  Head Banger

19.  Baby Bucky

20.  Zak Saturday

21.  Solomon “Doc” Saturday

22.  Drew Saturday

23.  Fiskerton

24.  Komodo

25.  Zon

26.  Doyle Blackwell

27.  Y-Wing

28.  Imperial Shuttle

29.  Z-95 Headhunter

 

Taco Benders

To an avid sports fan and vegetarian whom none should mock.  You are a great guy.  I leave you the following:

 

1.      In Betweener

2.      Lord Chaos

3.      Master Order

4.      Black Zarak

5.      Victory Leo

6.      Star Saber

7.      Abe Sapien

8.      Batteldae (Immel #2)

9.      Zombie Bullock (Immel #19)

10.  X-Kryptonite

11.  Purple lightsaber (to be placed by Commissioner)

12.  Ornithopter

 

Xavier’s Annihilation Squad

To the man who has a great future as not only an owner, but a Watcher too.  I leave you the following:

 

1.      Overlord

2.      Peraxxus

3.      Signalman #1

4.      Signalman #2

5.      Signalman #3

6.      Signalman #4

7.      Hush

8.      Trident

9.      Naga

10.  Punisher with jet pack

11.  Microchip

12.  Cluemaster

13.  Ferrari GTO

14.  AT-ST

15.  AT-ST

 

Dope Fiends

To the man I hope to someday represent in the ring, I leave you the following:

 

1.      Carnage

2.      Zombie Omega Red

3.      Deathstorm

4.      Red Hulk

5.Red She Hulk with green lightsaber

6.      Zombie Abomination

7.      Sumara with legion flight ring

8.      Fangry

9.      Briscoe

10.      Killer Croc

11.  Red lightsaber (to be placed by Commissioner)

12.  Aircraft Carrier

13.  Tie Bomber

14.  Dooku’s Solar Sailer

 

Transfoamers

To the man I do not think has even said two words to me, I leave you the following:

 

1.      Slugslinger

2.      Caliburst

3.      Triggerhappy

4.      Blowpipe

5.      Gigantor

6.      Double Cross

7.      Fly Wheels

8.      Tank

 

All of the points affiliated with the above-mentioned characters, as well as the number of deaths sustained and weapons held by each can be found and confirmed on the FFL website roster section.  With regard to the namesakes of my team: Pablo, Austin, Tyrone, Tasha and Uniqua - I am permanently retiring these characters from the league.  I anticipate that those that follow me as Commissioner will respect my wishes and continue to honor this request.  As for the weapons held by each, they have been distributed to the remaining teams.

I place all remaining “common” characters on waivers and hereby put them “in the hopper” for any to choose when the new Commissioners feel is the proper time.  With that being said, I remain. . .

I never had more fun in this league than I did in my position as a Watcher.  I hope that I served you all well.  When necessary, I upheld the tradition by seriously conducting hours of research each week in order to properly address your characters in the matches.  Although you may not have agreed with each and every outcome, I still hope that, at the very least, you enjoyed the matches’ dialogue and action.  I tried to write without any pre-conceived notions regarding any particular team and to the best of my ability.  I think I will miss this position most of all.

Last, as I am now labeled the William Henry Harrison of this league, with my last action as acting Commissioner, I am officially leaving the mantel of Commissioner to the remaining members of those recognized as the “Triumvirate,” Mike Geney and Nick Houslander.  I believe they would like to be recognized as the “Dynamorgasmic Duo.”  These two are more than fitting replacements to run this league.  As it is a somewhat daunting task, I will assume that they will request the steadfast guidance from our two previous Commissioners, Josh and Ryan, who have steered this league in the positive direction it now follows.

With these words, I say “goodbye” to the FFL, still hoping to see you all in some way, shape, or form in the future at the events that take place in our lives.

 

Respectfully to all,

 

Bryan M. Beckerman