Team Sleeping Pussy Vs. George Washington's Slaves

Team Sleeping Pussy is Francis “Franco” Begbie (w/ throwing knives)

George Washington’s Slaves are Sheriff Andy Taylor, Deputy Barney Fife, and Maggie Simpson.


Title: “When Mayberry’s S**t Got Real”

Opie is missing…

So are several other children… Marge Simpson won’t stop calling the office, looking for her baby daughter Maggie. Andy and his good buddy Barn have looked everywhere in Mayberry. Everywhere except the abandoned rest stop on the outskirts of town. Years ago they used to stop in there on occasion to arrest some homos for breaking some archaic sodomy laws just for s**ts and gigs and to keep those hell-bound bastards away from the kids; but now they fear that this area has become overrun with something much worse than the occasional confused dude looking for some fun with the ol’ anus… “They think summ yankee’s been in thar sellin horse and taintin the minds of the youth of their fair town”.

“C’mon Andy, hurry up. Aren’t ya worried about poor Opie? I’d hate to think he is actually somewhere in this horrible place”. Says Barney to his boss and bestfriend. Andy retorts: “Of course I am Barn, but we still have to do this right. We have a job to do to protect all of Mayberry; so we need to not only find Opie and little Maggie; but find out if something is amiss in this horrible place”. At that moment Andy gets hit in the eye with a throwing knife, and he falls dead. Barney ducks out of the way of another knife and hides in an old stall filled with human excrement and doubly used toilet paper and condoms. Barney loads his one bullet into his six shooter and jumps into action. He leaps out of the stall and has another knife whiz by his face as he pulls the trigger but just barely hits Franco in the arm. Fife walks into an old vending area and is shocked at what he sees. He sees the bodies of several dead young men and women, and on top of the heap is his deceased partner’s son Opie. Strung out on horse and overdosed. Fife thinks that he is happy that Andy isn’t here to see this. Next to him is the dead body of Maggie Simpson, it appears that Franco may have been trying to use the baby’s body to smuggle heroin but he killed her in the process… “Now this sick bastard is really going to pay”. The deputy mutters under his breath right as the sociopathic dealer rushes at him with a rusty old steel pipe. Barney sees the madman out of the corner of his eye and the deputy is a bit quicker than Begbie was giving him credit for. Barney moves out of the way and then trips Begbie sending him falling to the ground. Begbie drops the steel pipe and Fife quickly picks it up and whacks him over the head with it…

Thirty minutes later…

Begbie wakes up to find that he is handcuffed to an old bathroom stall. His vision is blurred; but he sees the deputy standing over him. Fife says: “Ya know ya piece of filth, my buddy Andy was the best man I ever knew. I bet even after he found his own son in this place, not to mention all those other kids he would of still handcuffed and brought you in to stand trial for your crimes. He would have wanted justice to prevail. He was the best friend a man could ever have, and his son Opie, well he was the closest thing I ever had to a son. But I think it was that Simpson Baby that put me over the top. Cause ya see, now that I’m here; you ain’t the craziest guy in the room anymore. You are about to face the only kind of justice you deserve”. Begbie acts tough at first, but Fife promises him he will cry before it is all over, and the deputy is right. Fife uses nothing but one of Franco’s own throwing knives, a rock, and the butt end of his six shooter to have his fun; but when he is done he knows that nobody in Mayberry is ever going to find the strewn body parts of Franco throughout the old rest stop. Not that anybody will even look. As the blood covered Fife gets ready to leave he goes into the back room and kicks over some cans of gasoline and kerosene before dropping a lit book of matches and sending this place to the rest of hell. Burning his dirty little secret with it.