Season 7, Week 1 Consolation Match: Brock Sampson's Fighting Murderflies vs. Griswold's Nut-busters

“Roll out the barrel; we’ll have a barrel of fun.”

            -Andrews Sisters [Beer Barrel Polka - Roll Out The Barrel”]

I look upon the teams which will do battle in this Season 7, Week 1 Consolation Match located at the Barrel Stage of Donkey Kong. They are as follows:

 Murderflies: Big Bertha and Quick Draw McGraw.

Nut-busters: Jinx with Star Sapphire ring and Skrull #1.

A LOUD CRASH IS HEARD AS A BARREL STRIKES THE GROUND FLOOR. 

Let the match begin. . .

Quick Draw McGraw, sharpshooters drawn, cautiously follows Big Bertha up the ladders in an attempt to reach the top of the skeletal building.   Jinx, utilizing her Star Sapphire ring, flies to the scene.  Quick Draw fires both guns at the ninja, who easily dispels with the projectiles by using a ring-inspired shield.  Jinx then flies by the obese Big Bertha and lands behind the anthropomorphic horse.  Quick Draw fires his guns again and grazes Jinx’s shoulder.  In response, Jinx creates a sword, flies at McGraw and slices the Hanna Barbara character’s guns in half.  McGraw gallops away and shuttles down a ladder, allowing Bertha to slam into Jinx.  Jinx shrugs off the blow and flies toward a weaponless McGraw.

Jinx:  You are dead, my friend.

McGraw:  Never say dead until. . .

Jinx uses her ring to create a sword, which immediately lops off the head of Quick Draw McGraw.

Jinx:  Too bad you didn’t finish that worldly saying, horse.

Jinx begins to hover as Big Bertha becomes enraged at the death of her teammate. The Great Lakes Avenger vomits her fat onto Jinx, who falls to the ground.  Before Jinx can recover from the purged slime encasing her body, Big Bertha lifts a stray barrel and smashes it over the head of Jinx, crushing her skull. 

Bertha begins to climb the ladders again, fat dripping from her mouth.  About half way up the structure, she sees Donkey Kong lumber out of a side doorway.  The ape grins, growls and begins to throw barrels down the way.  Bertha smashes one after another as they approach her.  She reaches Kong, who transforms into Skrull #1.  Before she reverts to her large stature, he shoots her in the face with his weapon.  Her mouth remains in a gaping maw, burnt flesh around her lips, as she falls to her death and craters the ground beneath her.

Skrull #1:  Turns out Bertha is the biggest loser. . .