2023 Universe Bowl

You’re young and fierceful AL Champion… Darkseid’s Horsemen of the Apokolips: Darkseid, Supergirl, Agent Smith, Superboy, Megatron, Juggernaut, Apocalypse, Flash, Saruman the White, Shazam, Poseidon, He-Man, Battlecat, Red Robin, Miss Martian, Wondergirl, Legends Leia Organa and C-3PO in Princess Leia’s Y-Wing, Grand Admiral Thrawn and crew in Chimera, Seaworms #1-10, Red Hood, Arsenal, Starfire, Wedge Antillies in Wedge’s X-Wing, Biggs Darklighter in Bigg’s X-Wing, Gannondorf, Granny Goodness, Bloody Mary, Stompa, Mad Harriet, Lashina, She-Ra, Swift-Wind, Nazgul #3 on #3’ Fell Beast, Nazgul #4 on #4’s Fell Beast, Emma Della Mora the Italian Mobster, Penguin, Riddler, Stan Lee, Piandao, Samwise on Bill the Pony, Hermoine Granger, Ron Weasley, Eric Cartman in Hulk Buster Iron Man Suit

You’re ever graying yet dangerous NL Champion… The Washington Redskins: Yoda w/ Dwarf Ring #4, Professor Xavier, Havoc, Polaris, Namor, X-23, Psylocke, Wolverine, Larfleeze, Omega Supreme, Sinestro w/White Lantern Ring, Cable, Sando Aqua Monster, Chuck Norris w/ Houslander Katana, Thundercrack, Buster, Skywarp, Jedi Master #1 in Y-Wing, Jedi Master #2-4 in NASA Space Shuttle, Even Piell, Mandalore the Great w/ Darksaber, Bat-Mite, Sodam Yat, John McLane, Storm Shadow w/ Laser Sword, Liu Kang, Toad and Jotaro w/ Purple Lightsaber in the Batmobile, Leprechaun, Colossus, Asajj Ventress in X-Wing, Usagi Yojimbo, Arc Trooper Captain, Lieutenant, 2nd Lieutenant, Weapons Expert, #1-6, Sharkticon #8, Atlantean #10, Allicon #4, Black lantern #1-2, Black Dragon #1-2, Yaddle w/ Dwarf Ring #7, Nemesis Enforcer w/ Sword of Darkness, Dobby, Asami, Skeletor w/ Havoc Staff and Power Sword, Theoden King, Squirtle, Teddy Roosevelt in Hammer Bros Suit and Wicket Warrick and Ghostbusters in Ecto-1

—

I am the watcher of this known realm. My designation is Z-171717, nicknamed “Zeph”. I have been tasked to bear witness to the 2023 Rebooted Fantasy Fantasy Reboot Universe Bowl. The all wise greybeard tactician, Josh Houslander, must face his own son, the wild and daring youngster, Alex Houslander. Josh knows what he must do to earn himself the rank of champion, but he knows not if he has the strength to do it. Alex, however, cares not for the subtleties of war and is headstrong for the throne, blind to the understanding of the path he must take. Will Alex’s brute force be enough to claim his third title… or will Josh sacrifice his eldest son in return for a legacy that would be written about in the history books?

—

“So it begins…”

…Theoden King announces as his task force reaches the crest of a sand mountain and looks down upon members of Darkseid’s Horseman of the Apokolips. – This year’s arena, a worldwide playground, is able to imitate environments from other universes. Here simulates the dry heat of Arrakis, the unforgiving nature of Dune. – Before this squadron of Washington Redskins begins their descent down the coarse golden wave of sand, Theoden recalls a battlecry he once sounded in a moment that feels similar to now. This brief pause was enough for Apocalypse to rearrange the sand beneath Theoden so that he fell below the surface and suffocated. Swiftly, Battlecat and Swift-Wind continue the Horseman’s assault as they transport their riders up the sand dune. As they reach the top, Battlecat and Swift-Wind collapse from dehydration. Skeletor engages with his nemesis, He-Man, while Usagi Yojimbo, Liu Kang, and Storm Shadow take on She-Ra. He-Man and Skeletor fight a vicious battle, but He-Man knows his longtime antagonist and is able to slay him. However, the three masters of fighting overcome She-Ra. He-Man attempts to take a stand, but too falls to the swords of Yojimbo and Kang, not before Storm Shadow breathes his last breath. Down below still stands Apocalypse and Ganondorf as Mandalore the Great, Bat-Mite, Yojimbo, and Kang make their cautious approach, aware of the ultimate power the once Egyptian man holds. Suddenly, Arc Troopers arise from the sand, in true Fremen fashion, surrounding the Horsemen and are able to slay Ganondorf, but are unable to put a scratch on Apocalypse before they are destroyed. Bat-Mite is curious about this deified mutant as he watches him slaughter Mandalore the Great, Yojimbo, and Kang. Angered by Apocalypse's disregard for life, Bat-Mite uses his magic to dismember the mutant down to the last atom in the name of his idol, Batman, who would never resort to killing. As Bat-Mite is the final living member from either party, his curiosity turns to a nearby desert mouse, a Muad’Dib, to learn more about the environment of this Dune world. Speaking as a watcher, I am unsure if Bat-Mite’s curiosity will eventually take him back to the war that continues elsewhere on this worldwide stage.

—

As this year’s fine arena has chosen to replicate many historic environments, my watchful eye magnetizes towards the clear blue waters of Eywa’eveng, otherwise known to humans as Pandora. Acting as a watcher of things, sea battles are often difficult to portray in the murky depths of the ocean, but Pandora’s water is amongst the clearest in all universes and makes my duties simpler. The chosen grounds portrayed by the arena are that of the Metkayina village and its surrounding waters which are home to the highly sentient and pacifist water species, Tulkun. However, a much larger species have now made home to these waters, genetically modified versions of sandworms known as seaworms. These enormous creatures are commanded by the Horseman’s Posiedon and his right hand Miss Martian. The Redskins counter with a meager squad led by the boy without love, Namor. Sharkticon, Atlantean, and Allicon lead head first into a wall of seaworms where they are instantly defeated. Namor, taking a more practical approach, pleads to the young and inexperienced Miss Martian. He begs her for safety and wishes no harm to the Horsemen. With the help of Squirtle’s cuteness, Miss Martian convinces Posiedon to spare the remaining Redskins. It is when they are close enough that Namor reveals his true plan and stabs his trident through Poseidon’s back. Miss Martian quickly retaliates and blenders Namor’s brain into death, but Squirtle uses ‘water gun’ and shoots a gaping hole in the center of the psychic martian. The tiny Squirtle, however, does not fare well against the giant worm creatures. As the 10 of them circle the waters, a larger monster from below awakens to find his next meal. It is the Sando Aqua Monster!! He reaches up and rips one of the seaworms in half. The remaining 9 descend to attack, but are met with a mighty power. The monster is too big for the worms to ingest and resort to wrapping it instead. However, the Sando Aqua Monster will not go down easy, it bites and tears its way through many of them. Unfortunately for the monster, one of the seaworms created a tight grip around the monster’s throat and snapped the great monster’s neck. As the seaworm loosens its grip on the lifeless body, reality sets in that it is the only one to have survived.

—

My all seeing eyes make a change in scenery and look up to the sky where Cloud City has taken form. Although, I… I sense another set of eyes taking a peek upon this potential battle. I cannot yet see its form, but I sense it to be there. Nonetheless, a group of Redskins have seized control of the sky. On the contrary, a death squad of Horsemen accompanied by Eric Cartman make their approach to Cloud City seeking a flight break. On approach, the Nazgul are shredded by shots fired by the transformers Skywarp and Thundercracker. Shazam counters with a lightning strike that frys the sentient metal machines. Thundercracker’s dog, Buster, is mortified by seeing its owner die. Shazam is about to fry the dog, as well, but I make my move! Buster disappears before their eyes.

I know, I know, I know. I must not interfere, it’s like rule one of being a watcher. But… but… I just can’t watch it happen again. After ‘I am Legend’, I don’t watch dogs die anymore. It’s sort of becoming a problem… I have a lot of dogs now. It’s okay though, Buster is just gonna hangout with me now, no need for his death.

Anyways, let's focus our attention back to Cloud City. Nemesis Enforcer takes flight with Black Dragons close on his six. They approach the undying Megatron and are able to finally put him to rest once and for all. In pure shock and awe, Eric Cartman actually pooped in the Hulk Buster Iron Man suit. I can’t believe my eyes, this degenerate really just disgraced that fine piece of technology. The smell, trapped inside the suit, actually gasses Cartman to death. This atrocity makes Superboy and Wondergirl pause for they are too stunned to speak. This is long enough for Larfleeze to grab hold of Wondergirl and hold a knife to her throat. Larfleeze uses this as a bargaining chip for Shazam to say his name and return to his human form. Once Shazam is a mere lad again, Larfleeze slices Wondergirl’s throat anyways, and Nemesis Enforcer is able to crush Billy Batson. Superboy now becomes uncontrollably raged and holds nothing back as he makes quick work of the remaining Redskins..

—

I cannot disclose the location of this arena, but it is far far far into deep space. As I zoom out and focus on the contestants in orbit of the artificial planet, I notice in the distance a black hole that appears strikingly similar to Gargantua.

Wait a minute… who is that petting Buster? “You… is it your eyes I could sense earlier? Who are you? How are you able to be here with me?” It’s an old man… he turns to face me, smiles, and vanishes. In all my time as a watcher, I have known nothing powerful enough to enter my plane of existence… only watchers can be here…

Enough! I am getting distracted from the war that rages before me. A group of Redskins have taken shelter upon their teammate, Omega Supreme. The Horsemen are intrigued by the behemoth metal structure that is a sentient being, and have sent Leia, Wedge, and Biggs to investigate. They are quickly met by the force of Asajj Ventress, a Jedi Master, and a NASA Space Shuttle. Asajj, using hatred to fuel herself, is left as the only survivor of the aerial dog fight. Darkseid and the Female Furries stand atop Chimera as they watch the destruction in the distance. Darkseid simply smirks and commands the Furries to take care of those Redskin scum. The Furries charge through Ventress’ ship and believe the ring bearers to be worth nothing. They approach Sodam Yat and laugh at how easy this will be. Unfortunately for their own sake, the Furries did not see what rings Sinestro possessed… he moves to center stage and reveals the shining white light that can only be made by a White Lantern Ring. His power is not matched by the Furries and they are disposed of accordingly. Still no fear has struck Darkseid, instead he abandons ship and enacts plan B… Chimera adjusts course and enters hyperspace. However, its course was directed into the center of Omega Supreme, instantly killing both. The rest of the Redskin squadron are in a flurry of panic as Supergirl approaches from nowhere. She bolts through the Black Lanterns, but is met by the combined force of Sinestro and Sodam Yat where she meets her match while taking Sodam Yat with her. Darkseid and Sinestro are the only survivors left of the space realm, each nod from a distance and return to their respective teams.

—

Is that (in a very heavy accent) Brooklyn? The final stage of this war is taking place in the city, and the arena appears to have chosen to resemble Brooklyn. I wonder if we’ll see Miles Morales swinging around? “No. I’m sorry, but this is not his story.” the old man interjects. I ask out of confusion, “How can you hear my inner monologue? Are you another watcher?” He smiles like last time, “Sort of… sort of not. I’m more of a writer…” And he disappears again. I don’t understand, how is this possible… I can’t continue to dwell on this, I must complete my task and bear witness to the Universe Bowl.

In the streets of Brooklyn, Ecto-1 and Batmobile are cruising until they come across some DC goodies and villains; Penguin, Riddler, Red Robin, Red Hood, and Arsenal. Penguin and Riddler panic, thinking they’re about to have to face the dark knight, himself. But Red Robin can tell by the driving that it is not the bat who drives this blacked out ride. With Toad and Jotaro behind the wheel, they give no second thought to simply running the two OG bat villains over with the Batmobile. As for Ecto-1, for some reason they are letting Wicket drive, but he can’t even see over the steering wheel. They miss the crime fighting heroes and instead demonstrate how the crumple zones work for a hearse upon hitting a brick wall at 60 mph. Meanwhile, the sidekicks attempt to take back control of the batmobile, but Toad and Jotaro activate self-destruct by accident, Red Robin is the only one left standing. Although, suddenly, Red Robin vanishes out of thin air…

The magic wielders make their appearance… Hermione Granger and Ron Weasely come across some powerful mutants on the Redskins side. Havoc takes the first step and sends an energy beam towards the smartest witch of her age, and with ease she stops it using protego. She counters with the… killing… curse…? Wait, Hermione did that?? Oh, nevermind, Ron got mad and HE used the killing curse. Professor X then mind controls Ron into using sectumsempra on Hermione. As she slowly bled to death, she used diffindo to take Psylocke with her. With losing the love of his life, Ron was overcome with grief and decided to go on a hit list killing Colossus, Asami, and John Mclane. Again, suddenly, Ron vanishes from thin air…

Professor X and the other mutants were confused by the sudden disappearance, but their attention quickly shifted to the ever louder rumbling that seemed to get closer and closer. Soon enough, a building began crashing to the ground and landed on Piandao, Cable, and Polaris. Juggernaut stood amongst the rubble, showing to be the source of the collapsing structure. He began another full speed run towards the Professor to which, instead, his head met the cold feeling of adamantium before reaching the omega level mutant. Xavier thanks Logan for the help, and rather than another fight for the Professor, he notices an old man in a white robe sitting at a chess table. Charles decides to join the lovely White Wizard who offers a game of chess to decide their fates… Xavier feeling old and tired decides that this is perhaps the best offer. Through an intense match of chess, the wizard comes out on top. “Sorry, friend. I have thousands of years of experience over you.” says Saruman. Professor X replies, “That’s okay, I’m looking forward to the quiet.” And with that Charles passes. Wolverine, however, does not hold the same sentiments, and he extends his metal dipped claws into the back of Saruman for his revenge.

Flash approaches and sees Wolverine retract his claws, in which he notices the heightened healing factor. Wolverine attempts to warn the Flash to not even try fighting, but Flash points out that he has a healing factor, too. Each go back and forth, blow for blow, with X-23 even joining in to help Logan. Flash realizes that to kill Logan and X-23, he needs to hurt them faster than their healing factor can catch up. And with that, Flash breaks the one rule to not go the speed of light… he survives at the speed long enough to finish Wolverine and X-23, but he disintegrates himself to nothing, shortly after.

—

Let’s pause for a moment to question what Bat-Mite is up to… I have watched as he has explored the great dunes of Arrakis all the way until the shores of Pandora. He notices a lonely seaworm and wishes to befriend him. Unfortunately, the seaworm was looking for a meal and tried to eat Bat-Mite as he approached. Instead, Bat-Mite lashed out at this disrespect and killed the seaworm. In a state of frustration, Bat-Mite turns to the city to find other contestants.

—

Bat-Mite arrives in Brooklyn to see Starfire burning Leprechaun to death. He quickly avenges and crushes Starfire. Bat-Mite is losing more and more faith in people without the positive example Batman leads for Bat-Mite. That is until Samwise the Brave encounters Bat-Mite. Samwise Gamgee leads such a hopeful and positive life that Bat-mite is again happy and has his faith restored in the good that some people can do. Bat-mite wants to extend a peace offering, a truce, maybe even a true stop to the war between the Horsemen and Redskins… but all it took was the large stature of Darkseid to not see Samwise nor Bat-Mite when landing on the ground… he crushed them both under the weight of his feet.

With few survivors on either side left alive, the remaining tributes stand as this… Horsemen include Darkseid, Superboy, and Agent Smith, with Red Robin and Ron Weasely nowhere to be found. While the Redskins have Sinestro, Yoda, Yaddle, Even Piell, and Chuck Norris. Wait a minute… Dobby! He teleported out of nowhere to join his Redskin teammates. But… out of… nowhere… Dobby is the one that made the Weasley boy and boy wonder disappear! Agent Smith’s computations are able to come to the same conclusion, “What have you done with our teammates, servant?” And with perfect movie timing, Robin and Ron fall from the sky and splat to the ground. Dobby replies, “I am a free elf, and I apparated them into lower orbit for them to fall to their death.” Insulted, Agent Smith moves with cunning speed to grab Dobby by the throat and snap his neck.

As if the arena was, like the matrix, under control of Agent Smith, the sky grew dark and rain began to pour. Agent Smith then questions the reasoning as to why these laser sword wielders are so tiny. Before Yoda could even rebuttal, Even Piell flew into action against the well dressed villain… unfortunately, it was only to his own demise as Smith moved at incomprehensible speed. Although, Yoda moved at a speed unlike any other jedi and with the help of Yaddle was able to drive his tiny green lightsaber into the heart of Agent Smith, but not without finding a mark in his old friend, too.

All left to stand is two born of a red sun system against a Grand Master Jedi, a master of the spectrum, and the man himself, Chuck Norris. Through a great battle that illustrates all tributes’ highest strengths, Superboy falls to Yoda’s blade and Darkseid’s strength overpowers Yoda’s speed. As Darkseid reaches out and grabs hold of Sinestro with intent of burning a hole through the White Lantern’s head, the original yellow lantern uses the ring’s power to make a flurry of firework distractions. It is not enough to save his own life, but it provides Chuck Norris with the split second to send the Houslander blade deep into Darkseid’s head.

—

With that culmination, I must announce Chuck Norris to be– “Wait a moment, there is still another standing,” the old man says to me while grabbing my arm. “Where? I see no one else?” He responds, “Look…” as he points down to a deli shop on the corner…

Out comes a furious italian making very angry hand gestures. It’s the Italian Mobster, Emma Della Mora, who spots Chuck Norris amongst the rubble, wielding the Houslander Katana. She yells out to him, “You have no right to swing that katana! You are no Houslander!” Chuck Norris chuckles, “This sword obeys my will. I use it as I please.” And with that comment, he jumps high into the air and comes down with all his force, swinging the Houslander Katana down the middle of Emma… Emma makes no movement… but the katana misses Norris’ mark. Confused, he slashes the sword across her body… yet again the swing does not land on the unmoving italian. Now it is she who chuckles, “Like I said, it is not your right to wield the Houslander Katana, for you are not one.” She lifts her arm with an open hand, “I may not have Houslander blood in my veins, but make no mistake… I have EARNED my status.” And in a split second, the Houslander Katana flies to Emma’s open hand, and she connects the blade through Norris’ chest.

I turn to face the old man who has experienced this entire war with me. It is only now that I clearly see his face; slicked white hair, a matching mustache, and rounded glasses, “Stan… is that you?” He smiles yet again, “I liked the story, kid.” He then appears in the arena with the victorious Emma Della Mora, “Let’s get you home, kid.”

FFL National League Finals: Washington Football Team VS. The Trash Pandas

Washington Football Team: Yoda w/ a Dwarf Ring, Professor Xavier Havok, Namor, X-23, Psylocke, Wolverine, Larfleeze, Omega Supreme, Sinestro w/ the White Lantern Ring, Cable, The Sando Aqua Monster, Chuck Norris w/ Katana, Thundercracker, Buster, Jedi Master #1 in F-15, Bat-Mite, Sodam Yat, John McLane in LandMaster, Storm Shadow w/ Laser Sword, Liu Kang, Toad and Jotaro in the Batmobile, The Leprechaun, Teddy Roosevelt and Wicket and Warrick in a speed boat, Colossus, Asajj Ventress in an X-Wing, Usago Jimbo, Captain Arctrooper, 2 Lieutenant Arc Troopers, Arc Trooper Heavy, 6 Arc Troopers, Sharkticon # 8, Atlantean #10, Allicon #4, Black Lantern #1-2, Yaddle w/ Dwarf Ring, Nemesis Enforcer w/ Sword of Darkness, and Theoden King

Trash Pandas: Gandalf The White, Aquaman, Emperor Palpatine (In Emperor's Shuttle), Star Lord, Gamora, Drax, Groot, Rocket The Racoon, Nebula, Mantis, Iron Man, Black Widow, Hawkeye, Adam Warlock, War Machine, Paul Maud Dib, Darth Bane, Jean Gray, IceMan, Cyclops, Beast, Archangel, Zaheer, Ghazan, P'Li, Ming-Hua, John Wick, Kirby, Amon, Naruto, Hera Syndulla, Zeb Orellios, Kaanan Jarrus (these 3 in the Ghost), Sabine Wren, Chopper, Ezra Bridger(these 3 in the Phantom), Luminara Unduli, Barris Offee, Loki, Nazgul #8, #8's Fell Beast, Allia Atreides, Peregrin Took, Maximus Meridius, Yoshi, Bill Burr, Bill Cosby

Theoden King and Gandalf the White are the coaches of their respective teams and they’ve gone with different philosophies for this match. Theoden has spread his team out pretty evenly per climate zone of the Playoff Planet, while Gandalf has elected to go with a heavy deployment into the City while leaving the other climate zones to be less equipped. 

WATER

Washington: Namor, The Sando Aqua Monster, Teddy Roosevelt and Wicket and Warrick in a Speed Boat, Sharkticon # 8, & Atlantean #10

Trash Pandas: Aquaman, Ming-Hua, Yoshi and Bill Cosby

So we start off with the water portion of this match on a secluded lake with trees surrounding the body of water. Right off the bat, Bill Cosby drowns. Not sure what happened to him, I wasn’t paying attention to him because honestly, Fuck Bill Cosby. 

Teddy Roosevelt, Wicket and Warrick are riding in a two motor speed boat, Teddy’s driving the boat. He’s dodging water shots from behind as Ming-Hua is surfing the water trying to take them out. The boat is hit with a blast of water taking one of the motors out. Teddy calls for his furry friends to grab life vests and put them on as he doesn’t think the boat is gonna last longer. All of a sudden  there’s no more blasts being shot at the boat. Teddy turns around and sees that the Sando Aqua Monster has poked its head out of the water and ate the water bender.

Yoshi immediately retaliates and shoots an egg at the other motor and puts a hole in the boat. All occupants of the boat drown. The Sharkticon was hungry and decided to eat Yoshi.

All that’s left of the Trash Pandas is Aquaman, it doesn’t look good but he’s undoubtedly going to put in work, he’s the king of the ocean. He rips an arm off from the Sharkticon and stabs it through the chest of the Atlantean and then punches the Sharkticon so hard, it shatters into a million pieces. The Sando Aqua Monster snuck up on Aquaman as he was fighting and was able to swallow him. Aquaman is in the pit of the Monster's stomach getting burnt by its stomach acid. Aquaman stabs through the stomach of the Aqua Monster killing it but before he can heal the burns on his body using the water, Namor stabs through the chest of Aquaman, killing him.

SPACE

Washington: Larfleeze, Sinestro w/ White Lantern Ring, Jedi master #1 in F-15, Sodam Yat, & Asajj Ventress in X-Wing

Trash Pandas: Emperor Palpatine in the Emperor’s Shuttle, Adam Warlock, Naruto, Hera Sendulla, Zeb Orrelios, and Kaanan Jarrus in the Ghost, and Sabine Wren, Chopper, and Ezra Brigadier in Phantom

Onto the surrounding space outside of the Playoff Planet. We begin with Washington’s Jedi master controlled F-15 and Asajj Ventress controlled X-Wing getting in a dope dog fight with the two ships and characters from the Star Wars Rebels series.Asajj & the Jedi master get the beat on the Rebel ships as they are chasing around Ghost and Phantom through the space taking shots at the ships but not able to hit anything. Eventually the F-15 is able to catch a couple stray shots onto the wings of the Ghost, causing it to slow down. Ezra, worried about losing his beloved master Kaanan, turns the Phantom around and flies head onto the F-15 & X-Wing. The Phantom is able to take out the F-15, but isn’t able to take out the X-Wing in time and crashes head-on into the X-Wing, destroying both ships. Ezra was able to save his master and the other occupants of the Ghost from death with his sacrifice. But his sacrifice was short lived as Sinestro immediately retaliates and blows up the Ghost with his White Lantern Ring.

Naruto, using his chakra to produce oxygen for him, Emperor Palpatine in his shuttle, and Adam Warlock try to get revenge on their fallen teammates and put up an impressive offensive attack on the Lantern Ring Holders. Naruto attacks with a flurry of ninja attacks, while Adam Warlock shoots a beam of Cosmic Power and the Emperor's Shuttle shoots multiple laser blasts at the two. Sinestro puts up a shield using his White Lantern Ring protecting the two from the onslaught. Naruto and Adam Warlock keep pushing though, as they go through the shield. Naruto attacks Larfleeze but Larfleeze is able to block his multiple punches but it distracts Larfleeze enough to where Adam Warlock is able to shoot a huge blast of cosmic energy at the orange lantern ring holder. This kills Larfleeze but also kills Naruto as Naruto was still in close proximity to Larfleeze when the blast was shot. During that fight Sinestro takes out the Emperor’s Shuttle with ease with the use of his White Lantern Ring.

Now all that’s left is Sinestro and Adam Warlock. Adam goes to shoot multiple energy blasts at Sinestro but he is able to block and dodge these blasts with ease using his White Lantern Ring. Sinestro counters with an energy blast out of his White Lantern Ring. Adam is hit directly in the chest with the blast and is absorbing it, he then boasts “You made a mistake, I’m just going to absorb this energy from this blast to make me powerful!”. Sinestro replies with a smirk, as Adam Warlock’s smile is now beginning to fade as the energy from the White Lantern Ring is too great. The White Lantern Ring energy was too strong for Adam and blew him up into a million pieces. 

DESERT

Washington: Chuck Norris w/ Katana, Allicon #4, Black Lantern #1-2, Yaddle w/ Dwarf Ring, Nemesis Enforcer w/ the Sword of Darkness

Trash Pandas: Paul Maud Dib, Darth Bane, Nazgul #8 w/ Fell Beast, Allia Atriedes, Zaheer, P’Li & Maximus Meridius

In the desert, the Washington Football Team has a transformer in Allicon, which is significantly larger than any other person fighting in this climate. Paul Maud Dib calls for P’Li to attempt to take down the transformer. P’Li takes one shot of his combustion bending and hits the Allicon in the arm, blowing his arm off. Chuck Norris, not realizing how strong P’Li was, calls for the Black Lanterns to go help out the Allicon. They both go to shoot energy blasts with their Lantern Rings, and P’Li is able to dodge both, but one of the blasts still hits the ground below him launching back many yards in the air. The Nazgul goes to help P’Li as he flies in with his Fell Beast picking up lantern #1 with its claws and then throwing the Lantern up in the air, catching the Lantern Ring Bearer in its mouth and chomping down hard as the beast splits the lantern in half. Zaheer comes to help the injured P’Li and hits the Lantern with an awesome combo of air bending and martial arts until Zaheer finally beats up the Lantern enough to be able to snap his neck.

While that was going on the Allicon walked up to P’Li and swallowed the injured combustion bender full then launching a Chris Artrip level burp. But then, light could be seen coming from his mouth as P’Li has used her bending inside the transformer, blowing him up from the inside. This kills both the Allicon and P’Li.

During all that mess Chuck Norris put in absolute work with his Katana, killing Allia Atriedes and Zaheer. Maximus Meridius goes to retaliate against Chuck Norris and they have a sword battle that will be told in legends for centuries. But eventually, Chuck Norris was victorious and sent Maximus to his family.

Darth Bane and Yaddle go at it, showing an insane usage of both the force and their lightsabers, Yaddle was able to hold off Darth Bane longer than expected using her Dwarf Ring. But Darth Bane was victorious, as he was able to stab through the chest of Yaddle with his lightsaber. Something that the Dwarf Ring could not protect Yaddle from.

Nemesis Enforcer, using his flight suit and the Sword of Darkness was able to kill the Nazgul’s Fell Beast and then stabbed the Nazgul through the hood of his cloak using his sword, killing him. Nemesis Enforcer is then immediately killed by Darth Bane.

Paul goes to attack Chuck Norris and Darth Bane charges to help, but Paul calls him off saying “I got this, he’s used too much of his water”. Chuck Norris, visibly tired from this desert heat, tries to defend himself from Paul (who in his Stillsuit has barely lost a drop of water since this battle has started). Paul attacks Chuck Norris with a flurry of attacks from his Crysknife before eventually taking down the legendary Chuck Norris.

Paul Maud Dib and Darth Bane will join their teammates in the city.

FOREST

Washington: Havok, X-23, Wolverine, Cable, John McLane in a Land Master, Storm Shadow w/ Laser Sword, Psylocke and Theoden King

Trash Pandas: Black Widow, Hawkeye, War Machine, Ghazan, Luminara Unduli, Barriss Offee, & Peregrin Took

In the forest, the Washington Football Team has set up a defensive position in the trees while the Trash Pandas are tracking through the forest trying to find them. Eventually the Trash Pandas are walking directly under the trees where Washington is set up. Wolverine looks at every body and does a silent count to three, using his metal claws. When the third claw shows, the team falls from the trees ambushing the Pandas. Wolverine drops, and lands on Black Widow's back with both sets of claws in her. X-23 lands on Ghazan and does the same thing. Psylocke has dropped and stabbed Luminara through the chest with her sword and Cable has dropped on top of War Machine, momentarily knocking him to the ground. John McLane comes storming onto the battlefield and runs over Peregrin Took.

Hawkeye tries to avenge the death of Black Widow by shooting multiple arrows at Wolverine but they are useless and Wolverine swipes Hawkeye across the face with his claws. War Machine gets up, flies into the air and drops a hellfire onto John McLane and his Land Master, blowing it up, this also takes out Storm Shadow as well. While War Machine is up in the air, Havok starts shooting plasma blasts at War Machine before eventually hitting him and taking him out. 

Now all that’s left is Barriss but she doesn’t stand a chance as Wolverine and X-23 charge at her and take the padawan out with ease.

CITY

Washington: Yoda w/ Dwarf Ring, Professor Xavier, Omega Supreme, Thundercracker, Buster, Bat-Mite, Liu Kang, Toad in a batmobile w/ Jotaro, The Leprechaun, Colossus, Usago Jimbo, Arc Trooper Squad

Trash Pandas: Gandalf the White, The Guardians of the Galaxy (Star-Lord, Gamora, Drax, Groot, Rocket, Nebula & Mantis), Iron Man, Jean Gray, IceMan, Cyclops, Beast, Archangel, John Wick, Kirby, Amon, Loki, Bill Burr, & Paul Maud Dib & Darth Bane joining them from the Desert

Now onto the final battlefield to decide who is going to the Universe Bowl. It is now night time in the city as all the other battles in the other climate zones had happened during the day.

Paul Atriedes & Darth Bane have joined the Trash Pandas in the city as Gandalf sent Iron Man out to retrieve them both from the desert.

Professor Xavier realizes how outnumbered they are and uses his power of telepathy to call the surviving members of the Washington Football Team to meet just outside of the city. 

Gandalf's first plan of action is to have the Guardians of the Galaxy & Iron Man focus on taking out Omega Supreme. The Guardians are all supplied with Jet Packs (except for Groot as he is too big to fit into the Jet Pack) made by Rocket Raccoon. Using their abilities to fly, the Guardians and Iron Man are swarming Omega Supreme like flies hitting him with small blasts, with the goal of killing the transformer with a “1000 cuts”. Iron Man calls for Jarvis to determine where Omega’s weak spots are. This method appears to be working as Omega Supreme looks visibly damaged, he retaliates by swatting his arms and is able to Mantis and send her flying into a building killing her. The Transformer then swipes again and is able to hit Nebula, also sending her into a building, and also killing her. Omega Supreme laughs as he has killed two of the Guardians. While he was being swarmed, he was too busy to realize that Groot was wrapping his tree limbs around the Transformers legs.While Groot was doing that the Arc trooper Squadron is trying to take out Groot but their blasters and explosives do nothing to Groot as his Tree Trunks are too strung. Groot pulls his tree limbs tight on the legs of Omega just as he laughs, causing the Transformer to fall like an AT-AT in the Hoth Battle. Omega falls face first onto the Arc Trooper Squad, killing all of them, Jarvis calls out that he has found Omega’s weak spots and Iron Man launches rockets into all of the Transformers weak spots blowing him up. 

The rest of the Trash Pandas then put in work, the X-Men work together to take out Thundercracker, Buster, Bat-Mite, The Leprechaun, & Usago Jimbo as they were ironically taught by their Professor Xavier. In their triumphant team work, the X-Men do lose Archangel and Cyclops unfortunately. 

As the Washington Football Team is getting absolutely thrashed in the city by the Trash Pandas, the surviving members from the other climate zones meet outside the city. Theoden rides in and gets a headcount from his team.

Namor calls out to Theoden “I bring one from Water sir.”

Sinestro yells “One from Space sir.” 

Wolverine shouts “We had six survive in the Forest General”

Theoden responds “Where are the Riders from the Desert?

Wolverine answers “None have come, my lord.”

Theoden gets off his horse and goes to talk to Wolverine privately. Theoden says in a voice of despair “8 riders, less than half for what I’d hoped for.” Wolverine responds “8 riders will not be enough to take out the Pandas in the city, but it might be enough to help out who’s left in the city.” Theoden says with a more upbeat manner “More will come.” Wolverine replies with “Every hour hastens the defeat in the great city.” Theoden decides to call the men into formation to charge into the city. 

Back in the city…

Colossus goes into a rampage himself as he is able to take out Bill Burr, Kirby, John Wick and Amon. Amon had underestimated Colossus thinking he was able to blood bend the mutant but he was unsuccessful as Colossus metal skin blocked out Amon’s bending abilities.

As there is not many left of the Washington Football Team, they huddle up and are surrounded by the rest of the Trash Pandas. Just as the Pandas are about to attack, the Horn of Rohan is heard. Gandalf calls for the X-Men, Loki, Paul, & Darth Bane to stay and fight Washington while the rest of the Trash Pandas go and investigate and see what that horn is for. 

They see Theoden and his squad in battle formation in the fields outside the city, with the sun rising behind them. 

Theoden and his squad see how much of the Trash Pandas are left and give a worried but ready sigh as they are ready to die to help get this team to the Universe Bowl. 

Gandalf gets the Trash Pandas to form ranks to prepare for battle.

Theoden calls to his legion “Arise, arise, Riders of Theoden! Souls shall be shaken, bones shall be splintered, a sword-day, a red day, ere the sun rises! Ride now! Ride now! Ride! Ride for ruin and the world’s ending!... Death!” The legion responds “Death!” Theoden repeats himself “Death!” and the legion again screams “Death!” Tehoden yells one more time “Death!” And for the third time his squadron responds with all their heart “Death!” Theoden Yells with everything he has “Forth Eorlingas!” and blows his horn to begin his charge.

The Trash Pandas look visibly shaking as they have never seen a group of Fantasy Fantasy League warriors so willingly be able to sacrifice their life for their team. Gandalf can see how shaken his team is and calls all of his warriors with range weapons to attack the charging squadron. 

Theoden and his squad are charging fast, Cable is taken out with a missile from Iron Man and Star-Lord is able to take out Havok. But Theoden and his legion does not slow down and attack the Trash Pandas with all their might. Immediately taking out Drax, Gamora & Star-Lord. Rocket was on Groot’s shoulder during the charge and was able to survive the initial blow. Groot stabs X-23 through her stomach and expands it as large as possible until her whole torso is just disconnected from her legs. Then Rocket hits her upper half with a rocket launcher, killing the mutant. 

Theoden had charged directly at Gandalf knowing he would die but hoping it would allow him to die with honor, allowing him to be of the same honor as his father and grandfather before. Gandalf took out Theoden swiftly and painlessly knowing that’s what Theoden would have wanted. 

Iron Man was able to take out Psylocke with missiles as well but Namor had immediately responded by throwing Iron Man into the nearby pond and forcibly drowned him to death.

Back in the City…

Professor  Xavier is able to use his powers to slow down the X-Men enough to allow Yoda and Colossus to take out Jean Gray, IceMan and Beast. But while Professor X was doing this Loki walked behind the Professor and stabbed him in the back.

Paul and Darth Bane work together to take out Liu Kang and the Batmobile. Colossus retaliates by grabbing Paul and ripping his body in half but while he’s doing this Darth Bane stabs Colossus in his chest directly through his metal skin. 

Yoda sensed through the force when Yaddle had died, and knew it was Bane. he got his revenge on Bane swiftly by cutting his head off.

Yoda then very easily kills Loki as well with his lightsaber.

Back to the outskirts of the city…

Groot & Rocket are also able to take out Namor in the same manner they took out X-23. 

Wolverine, absolutely enraged, attacks Groot and Rocket with a fury they’ve never seen before. While that is happening Sinestro and Gandalf go at it. Sinestro hits Gandalf with multiple blasts but Gandalf is able to block all of them using his magic powers. Gandalf calls to the sky and brings a blast of lightning onto his sword empowering it and retaliates onto Sinestro. Sinestro tries to block attacks from the sword but the sword is cutting right through every shield he makes. Eventually Gandalf shoots Sinestro with a ball of fire that Sinestro blocks but Gandalf uses that ball of fire to get closer to Sinestro and is able to slash the Lantern bearer across the face with his sword, killing him.

Wolverine is eventually able to kill Groot and Rocket as his rage had no limit and he was eventually able to overpower them.

Gandalf sees the enraged Wolverine and calls down a lightning bolt onto Wolverine strong enough to burn him to an absolute crisp as the current from the bolt was able to travel through the adamantium that had encased his bones.

Now all that’s left in this battle is Gandalf and Yoda.

Yoda and Gandalf fight but the fight is short lived. Gandalf was exhausted from his battle and Yoda was able to take him out quite quickly.

Darkseid's Horsemen of Apokolips Vs. The Doctor's Madhouse

 The Horsemen of Apokolips are Darkseid, Supergirl, Agent Smith, Superboy, Megatron, The Juggernaut, Apocalypse, The Flash, Sarumon, Shazam, Poseidon, He-Man, Battle Cat, Red Robin, Miss Martian, Wonder Girl, (Legends) Leia Organa-Solo & C3PO in Leia's Y-Wing, Grand Admiral Thrawn in Chimera w/ crew: Pilot, Co-Pilot, Gunner, and Crew Member #1-5, Seaworm #1-10, The Red Hood, Arsenal, Starfire, Granny Goodness, Bloody Mary, Stompa, Mad Harriet, Lashina, She-Ra, Swift Wind, Eric Cartman in a Hulk-Buster Iron Man Suit, Kyle Brovloski, Stan Marsh, & Kenny McCormick.

The Doctor's Madhouse are Dr. Manhattan, Silver Surfer, Ranx the Sentient City, Brainiac in His Skull Ship, Kang the Conqueror, Darth Vader in The TIE Advanced 1A, Abeloth, Capt. Marvel, Batman, Robin (w/ a purple lightsaber), Alfred Pennyworth (w/ a double-bladed yellow lightsaber), Batgirl, Nightwing, Invincible, Atom Eve, Dupli-Kate, Robot, Rex Splode, Allen the Alien, Zorack, Brak, Black Widow, Moltar, Creature King, Metallus, Transat, Lokar, Lord Voldemort (w/ yellow lantern ring), Hancock, Kid Flash, Ocean Master, Kit Fisto, Swamp Thing, Jango Fett in Slave 1, Ethan Hunt (w/ green lantern ring), Kryptonian #1 & 3, Mutant #1-4, Frodo Baggins (w/ Dwarf Ring #2), Frank "Wendeezys" Metvier (w/ endless Zyn and Variety 4 pack of 4 Lokos).  

FFL Historians have noted for many years, since the very beginning actually that the two most powerful teams so often meet in The American League Finals.  And although only time will tell and it may be too early to say so definitively at this moment, it would seem that this year may be more in line with the past than an exception to it.  

Neither of these teams take up a defensive posture as the individual members move towards their desired settings.  Both stand with confidence, both come prepared, and both approach this battle with a feeling of mutual respect in the talents of the other; but not so much that they lose sight of the victory they so seek. 

From a clear vantage point in the city, Megatron uses his advanced optics to see a target he thinks to be worthy of his time.  He grabs the unwilling Eric Cartman and begins to fly into space.  "Dude....  What the Hell, Oh.... hey Kenny".  Cartman says as he is snatched up by Megatron, but as he also notices that Kenny McCormick has bravely grabbed a hold of Cartman's suit in an attempt to help out his teammates in whatever quest they are about to undertake.  Although as they approach the upper atmosphere, Cartman is protected within his suit but Kenny is unable to handle it.  Megatron didn't even realize the small meatbag was along for the ride as Kenny's eyes begin to bulge out of his head.  Cartman begins to yell at Megatron:  "OH MY GOD YOU KILLED, oh....  actually that was kind of sweet.  Super gross though".   

As Megatron and Cartman fly into space, they see the skull shaped ship of Brainiac on the approach.  Cartman starts asking the mighty Megatron a series of annoying questions.  Why did he bring him here??  Is that a spaceship shaped like a skull??  That's pretty bada**, who thought up that idea??  What am I supposed to do about it??  Megatron sighs and answers the heavily armored, fat, little human with:  "Yes, it is made to look like the naked skull of a worthless meat pet, yet made of metal.  A monstrosity for certain that you are going to help me destroy".  

Megatron then transforms into his gun form; which Cartman is just big enough to hold in his massive Hulk-Buster suit.  Cartman catches the gun points it at Brainiac's ship and pulls the trigger.  Cartman is blown back by the fully powered blast which hits the Skull Ship and blows it to pieces.  A shocked Brainiac survives the blast due to myriad, redundant fail-safes to protect himself and recuperates quickly.  Brainiac searches his segmented brain of acute knowledge for the perfect phrase to utter before he seeks his revenge and inevitably goes with:  "You are going to make for a handy massive trash can when I am done with you, you metal piece of &*^%$#!!"!

 Megatron transforms back into robot form and slaps Cartman aside, whose Stark controlled suit takes over and begins rocketing back to The Playoff Planet.  "Screw you guys, I'm goin home" Cartman says as he exits away from the battle not too fast enough.  

A giant smirk comes across the metal face of Megatron as he knows one epic throw down is about to take place.  Brainiac, even in his largest variable form is still significantly smaller than Megatron; but his strength scale is right there at the same level.  Brainiac comes in swiftly and delivers the first several punches surprising Megatron as he had never been hit so hard, by such a smaller foe.  He thinks to himself, that those felt like Optimus Prime punches and can't help but think that he kind of likes this guy.  Megatron delivers a closed fist left hook back to Brainiac sending him back a ways; but they both use the emptiness of space to their advantage, floating about and keeping the fight going for an extended amount of time.  Megatron is wrong in assuming that he would be so much stronger due to his size; but Brainiac also is proven wrong in his assumption that he would so easily be able to outsmart the many million years old Decepticon Tactician.  Megatron is left dented and even leaking energon in a few spots; but he is able to get a grip on Brainiac with his left hand.  From that point he manages to shove Brainiac's large, protected head into his arm cannon, getting it wedged inside.  "Only one way to get this unstuck old friend".  Megatron says with a laugh as he laser blasts Brainiac in the brain clearing the barrel of his cannon.  

Megatron begins to fly somewhat slowly back to The Playoff Planet when he gets a com call from The Horsemen leader himself.  "Megatron, this is Darkseid.  This time frame is unacceptable, were you successful in your mission"??  "I still function" Megatron replies before turning off his com.

Flying high above the city, Captain Marvel is doing battle with Captain Marvel.  Captain Marvel hits Captain Marvel with a midair roundhouse kick; but Captain Marvel returns the favor to Captain Marvel when Captain Marvel hits Captain Marvel with a marvelous and captivating blast of energy.  Eventually the DC Captain Marvel and the Marvel Captain Marvel both lean back and hit each other simultaneously with such force that they join each other in such a death that any Captain would marvel at.  

Both of these teams, as mentioned previously are not just here to fight but here to win.  They are in close communication as they move forward with their plans.  Darkseid, using a highly advanced com system and Dr. Manhattan with a mental link are in constant contact with their troops making sure their well laid plans are laid out well.  As Darkseid meets in person with some of his top generals Supergirl and Agent Smith in order to make sure everything gets underway; Dr. Manhattan summons The Silver Surfer to the Sentient City known as Ranx for a similar meeting.  Silver Surfer races there; but cannot help himself from doing a quick fly by when he sees an opportunity to cosmic blast vaporize an unsuspecting She-Ra and Swift Wind on the way there.  

Deep in the oceans of the Playoff Planet two factions of water dwellers search the expanse of the Sea for enemies they know dwell within.  They come upon each other and waste no time beginning to do battle.  Poseidon finds it funny that a mere mortal and not even a greatest of his kind would dare refer to himself as The Ocean Master.  As Ocean god he makes quick work of the Atlantean.  Although Kit Fisto swims into the scene to exact some revenge, igniting his glowing green, waterproof grip-skiddly for when Nautolans get silly.  The Seaworms begin to rush in towards Master Fisto, when they all of the sudden turn back around and begin attacking their master Poseidon.  Now under the control of Swamp Thing, The Seaworms break free from their trained response to obey Poseidon and bite the hand that had been feeding them.  Poseidon grows angry from this insult and thrusts his trident through the water skewering Swamp Thing, before he causes an underwater earthquake which triggers the genetic programming of the Seaworms.  Derived from ancient Arrakis Sandworms, these genetically altered creatures still cannot help but move towards the thump of the ground far below them and die in the process of their investigation.  Kit Fisto, in this mess had retreated to the surface to help his team above ground rather than to face the mighty Poseidon all alone.  He is picked up on the surface by Batgirl in a speed boat and brought back to the fray.

Dr. Manhattan reaches out to Darkseid telepathically so the two adversarial team leaders can communicate; but Darkseid does not allow the connection to last long.  Just long enough for one tauntful message.  "You know we must face each other one on one Lord of Apokolips.  We have both seen this in our dreams.  It cannot be avoided"........  But before they begin to move towards each other they both make pit stops along the way.  Darkseid in the city and Manhattan in the jungle.  They wish to each prove  themselves to both teams before they face off against each other which is why they request no help from any of their teammates.  Darkseid does not hesitate for a second while he single-handedly attacks Invincible and his crew, while at the exact same time on the other side of the planet Dr. Manhattan does the same to Granny Goodness and her Female Furies.  As if either of these beings so far beyond men needed an ego boost, even they manage to gain confidence as their foes fall in the following order Rex Splode, Dupi-Kate, Robot, Atom Eve, Allen the Alien, and then Mark Grayson last.  Manhattan goes for the leader first in his skirmish, killing Granny Goodness, then Lashina, Stompa, Bloody Mary, and lastly Mad Harriet.  

The Chimera is moving in towards Ranx the Sentient City for a space battle but both are reluctant to throw the first proverbial punch as they are both hoping for backup from the planet soon.  Their wishes are about to be true as Supergirl, The Flash, and a reluctant Juggernaut in a space suit being drug behind them are on their way to help out Thrawn and the Chimera crew, while Silver Surfer, Abeloth, and Kryptomian #1 fly in fast to back up Ranx.  Up in the terrestrial skies on the other hand, several aerial dog fights are already taking place.  If this was a movie this part coming up would be everybody's favorite part; so don't nobody get up for popcorn.  Jango in Slave 1, who has Frank:  The Crack Dank Diddler himself riding upside down shotgun whilst killing all the fries, zyn, and 4 Lokos Jango's Bounty hunter cash account could buy.  They follow Vader in his TIE Advanced 1A, along with Zorack and the rest of The Council of Doom in The Quinjet, Ethan Hunt (who doesn't know how to fly an F-15, but his green lantern ring does (I honestly always kind of questioned this weapon assignment; but that doesn't mean Ethan Hunt isn't an awesome character and that green lantern rings aren't awesome weapons on anyone)).  Kang the Conqueror is formulating a plan in a Republic Shuttle hoping that his passenger Frodo's Dwarf Ring does more than just bling out that dirty Hobbit finger.  Alfred is pulling loops that guys half his age couldn't pull off in a Y-Wing, while Nightwing is way too smooth in the cockpit of his X-Wing.  And last but not least for the Madhouse Kit Fisto dried off just in time to jump into a Naboo Starfighter and join the combat pilots in this laser, missile, bullet, bomb filled air extravaganza.  As for The Horsemen, Leia and 3PO are leading the way in her specially modified, never seen anywhere else but the sort of cannon, sort of not Splinter of the Mind's Eye 2 seater Y-Wing.  As for Red Hood and the Outlaws, they are just too good of pilots to stay on the ground.  With Red Hood in his F-15, Starfire in her F-5 Tiger, and most importantly Arsenal w/ Stan Marsh riding shotgun in his Stealth Bomber.  Miss Martian is in a B-Wing lighting up the skies as well.  Down below them in the city, the streets are not taking the vehicle abuse nearly as well as the sky.  Batman is in the Tumbler with Robin on the R-Cycle keeping his distance but being the best scout he can be while T-Rex and The Landmaster driven by Agent Smith and a way too young Kyle Brovloski are doing more Ramming then Dodging.  Not to mention the damage Cartman is doing in his oversized Iron Man Suit.  Red Robin uses a bit more finesse as he tries to take Damien out of the equation by jumping on a motorcycle as well and bringing the race/fight into the back alleys.  I will let this mid-story action sequence digest in the minds of the readers for a while, whilst we address battles elsewhere.   

Out in the jungle a mismatched crew of Horsemen find themselves a mismatched crew of Madhousers and yet another skirmish begins.  Agent Smith leads the way with Superboy, Apocalypse, Sarumon, Wondergirl, He-Man, and Battle Cat while Voldemort, Kid Flash, Hancock, and the third Kryptonian follow behind the four Mutants who make up a small rogue break off of the X-Men.  This "X-Crew" led by the telepath Justineth, consists of a power absorbing strongman named Kylo, a speedster named Zachariah, and a manipulator of ice named Kcurtt.  As the battle is about to begin He-Man recognizes them and speaks.  "Ah....  Justine.  Your team's reputation has been spoken of highly".  

But, Kcurtt interupts saying:  "HER NAME IS JustiNETH!!  ARE YOU DEAF OR JUST STUPID".  

"We shall do battle then".  Wondergirl retorts.

As the small battle gets underway Kylo adds simply:  "Good.  I'm done with talking that s&#@ is a**".  

Apocalypse begins by putting a huge hurting on Hancock who is initially beaten into the ground; but much to the surprise of Apocalypse pulls himself out of the mud and reveals the most pissed off face that the ancient mutant has ever seen in his centuries on this earth.  Hancock then returns the favor with a good old fashioned motor city beat which eventually ends with the head of Apocalypse being punched clean off.  Voldemort is a wicked powerful wizard and the fear he puts into the hearts of those he comes across is increased even moreso with the great assignment of his yellow lantern ring; but he still isn't quite the wizard enough to take out the white wizard so powerful that he was selected even above Gandalf to lead the order.  Sarumon in a classic battle akin to Satan Vs. Lucifer destroys the dark Lord with the bringing of light.  Kryptonian #3, a tall muscular type who was probably quite the bruiser even back on the red sun planet of Krypton goes after Superboy one on one.  Knowing his story, the Kryptonian known as Sal Yn attempts to taunt and ridicule Superboy by pointing out that despite wearing the symbol of the noble House of El, that he isn't even a real Kryptonian.  Superboy does seem to realize that his strength level and flight capability were less than that of Yn's, but Superboy training under the JLA and Superman himself was able still to give him the upper hand and come out as the sole survivor of a bloody and brutal throw down.  I was about to take this moment to make some silly jokes about the fight taking place between Wondergirl and Kid Flash.  I was going to make fun of the bubble gum, tickle butt nature of comics back in the day with the introduction of silly side kick characters such as this; but truth is, that is when comics were actually good.  And, it was that that made characters so interesting for so long; before modern culture at first perfected and then later ruined the idea of comics and media off shoots of the character.  But needless to say I will just say that the playful fight between these two Teen Titans ended the way so many kid interactions do, typically interrupting a conversation between their parents.  They were both moving too fast and they bumped heads really hard knocking them both down.  Although this time it didn't end with them dying, because they hit with such force that both of their heads exploded.  Kcurtt blasts Battle Cat with an intense blast of ice that freezes him over completely, allowing his teammate Kylo to walk over SNES Sub-Zero style and punch the large cat busting him into hundreds of ice shards.  "LET'S GO" Kylo screams as he high fives Kcurt, but He-Man was not too happy with the show of power.  He chucks his axe at Kcurt, which spins through the air before it plants in his forehead.  Kylo then gets into a good old fashioned wrasslin match with the Eternian Prince.  The two powerful sweaty, shirtless dudes press up on each other and trade blows in a totally non-ghey way.  But eventually He-Man gets the upper hand, body slamming Kylo sending him deep underground.  Justineth and Zachariah are keeping Agent Smith at bay; but the head Matrix Cop manages to grab ahold of the speedster Zachariah and throw him back at their team leader.  Justineth uses her well established mental link with her squad to take control of the mental stream of Zachariah and Agent Smith as well as they are in physical contact with each other.  The organic brains of the remaining X-Crew meld with software inside the mind of Smith and cause an electrical synapse explosion and mind meld that travels through all three combatants.  As the remaining fighters of this skirmish begin to separate and head back to the main city battle a very bruised and battered Superboy looks over at a just as bruised and battered Hancock causing them both to utter simultaneously:  "Uhh.....  Maybe later".   

Before we return to the three pronged space, air, and city battle that are all happening in unison with each other I bring you to the Desert.  The dead center of the Play-Off Planet Desert that is.  A place that is surrounded by nothing except nowhere to run and nowhere to hide.  Here we find the one on one battle of between the two namesakes of these powerful playoff teams.  Darkseid walks up slowly towards Dr. Manhattan; but with a stride just slightly different than normal.  Only trained eyes like mine would notice within his steps that it is not a slow stride of arrogance; but that he may actually be dreading what lies ahead.  Dr. Manhattan believes time to be a construct of the human brain; but that that construct is on his side.  He at least hopes as he knows the time before this fight is finally running out and that it is going to have to happen.  No words are spoken from either combatant, just a single nod of respect from both of them before they begin.  And once they begin it is hard for even I Joshatu the Spectacular to keep up with the flurry of attacks and counter-attacks that these two throw at each other.  They engage in a battle so pitched that it would knock the Yarmulke right of Beckerman's head.  The one on one skirmish goes back and forth between flurries of cosmic energy expulsions that light up the already bright sky and straight up haymakers that send airborne the arid, sun-beaten sand.  The two hit each other so hard that both are knocked back about fifty yards.  They both dust themselves off and begin moving back towards each other, but when they get about ten feet away from one another they both stop walking.  The two of them drop to their knees in what appeared to be the two of them simply taking a break.  A planned intermission in a scheduled sport.  But instead of standing back up they both just freeze.  Looking not like something that was ever alive, but more like two guardian statues worn and beaten from a time long forgotten.  It was as if neither of them actually died or was defeated; it seemed like they both simply agreed to stop fighting.  

Up in space, the battle rages on.  The Chimera has unloaded quite a bit of firepower onto Ranx and is looking like the massive Star Destroyer may be able to finish the job when Abeloth approaches the vessel.  The people inside the ship feel a sudden loss of oxygen and the controls malfunction throughout as The Mother of Mortis envelops the ship with her aura, proving that the ability to destroy a planet is insignificant next to the power of the Force.  The Flash and Supergirl see this happening and rush towards Abeloth with the greatest burst of speed ever recorded.  They show up in time to deliver the second and third strongest punches in The DC Universe from the first and second fasted people.  They get there in time to destroy Abeloth; but not to save The Chimera and its crew.  Juggernaut is floating in space aimlessly, when Flash begins to wonder why they brought him here in the first place; but he also knows that Supergirl received those orders directly from Darkseid and that Darkseid always has a plan.  Supergirl and Flash being to move to regroup with Juggernaut, when they are confronted by Kryptonian #1.  Supergirl makes quick work of her planet's brethren and grabs a hold of Juggernaut.  Flash looks over at his two teammates and says:  "You aren't really going to do what I think you are....  Are you??"?

As Supergirl begins spinning Juggernaut to build up momentum, both Juggs and The Flash realize that he wasn't brought up to space to fight, but that he was to be used as a weapon.  Supergirl lets go of Juggernaut throwing him in the direction of the sentient city, saying:  "Hey Ranx, try stopping this".  The unstoppable Juggernaut then, with the momentum started by Supergirl goes right through the massive yellow lantern and doesn't stop until long after he pops out through the other side.  Silver Surfer is too late to the party once he figures out what is happening but he hits a similarly bewildered Flash with a cosmic blast that would boil Lake Eerie before attacking Supergirl.  Supergirl and Silver Surfer begin leveling each other with punches and take each other stumbling back down to the Play-Off Planet main battle where they see it raging on.  Once they get there they see that all of the air and ground vehicles have been destroyed  but that many of the combatants are still battling throughout the city.  They both know as they bounce of the top of a skyscraper that this setting will be where this battle ends.

Stan Marsh and Kyle Brovloski have both somehow survived this long into the match; but they are scorched from a quick burst of flame from Jango Fett's torch.  Miss Martian has more raw power in her left leg than Nightwing and Batgirl do combined; but Dick and Barbera know that teamwork is what makes the dreamwork.  Plus, they both read every file that Bruce Wayne had on the Young Justice member and knew exactly how to take out a White Martian, even if she was pretending to be a green one.  Kang tried to get all super-smart-time-traveler-I-Know-the-future on everybody; but killing smarty-arty em-effers is kind of Megatron's scene today so he blasts a hole with his arm cannon where Kang used to be.  Alfred thought that he would go toe to toe with the only other grey haired older looking chap in his vicinity; so he pops his double bladed lightsaber and starts to go ham with the twirling.  Sarumon was unimpressed by this though and magic-blasted him into a wall shattering his spine.  Much like his butler, Batman may have bitten off more than he can chew as well as he going one on one with He-Man.  But despite having no superhuman powers, Bats is still putting up quite a fight against The Master of the Universe.  This pitched battle that I personally have been dreaming about since I was about six years old is very energetic and fun to watch; but the normally level headed He-Man is even more aggressive than ever after watching his cat get turned into an icicle earlier and catches Bruce off guard with a thrust through his chest from the Sword of Power.  Speaking of awesome fights I have been dreaming about since I was a nerdy kid:  Vader and Poseidon are having a super gnarly lightsaber/Trident battle in an alley between two city skyscrapers.  Poseidon creates a small earthquake under the feet of Vader; Vader Force pushes the god to the ground.  Both regain their footing and come at each other again with Poseidon managing to disarm Vader and knock his saber out of his hand.  Poseidon then goes in for the trident thrust but Vader stops it with the Force and then manages to break the Olympian made weapon with his Force grip.  Vader then uses the Force to reclaim his lightsaber and relieve the brother of Zeus of his head.  Red Robin and Robin couldn't remember which character was which; so they both died.  Seriously though it actually was a good fight; but yeah.....  Cartman in his massive Iron Man Suit just stomped Frodo into the ground while Ethan Hunt and Frank split up to try and divert the attention of the troubled kid in a metal monstrosity in different directions.  Frank does a great job of pissing of Cartman by throwing empty 4 Lokos, Zyn, and Busch Latte containers at him.  Frank naturally gets pulverized in the process, but provides Ethan Hunt just enough time to climb up the back of Cartman's suit and plant some chewing gum explosives right under Cartman's helmet.  "RED LIGHT, GREEN LIGHT" is yelled as Cartman and his suit explode.  The Outlaws take on the Council of Doom and although Red Hood and the crew are outnumbered two to one, they are certainly not outclassed in raw power or fighting prowess.  Starfire makes short work of Brak, Tansut, and Black Widow (no, not that Black Widow).  Arsenal fires two arrows simultaneously that finish off Lokar and The Creature King.  The Red Hood on the other hand does fall to Metallus after being hit by his ray gun and scary looking spiked fists; but not before Jason Todd busted a cap in both Zorack and Moltar.  Arsenal and Starfire then quickly converged on Metallus to avenge their team leader.  Kit Fisto smiles as he Force pushes C-3PO to pieces but then gets in an excellent lightsaber duel with Leia Organa-Solo.  Her Form 5 matches well with his Form 1 and vice-versa.  This duel leads them across town where they run into two other battles taking place around them.  The three battles become one as Supergirl Vs. Silver Surfer as well as Superboy Vs. Hancock join together with Leia Vs. Fisto to make one larger 3 V 3 fight.  Hancock throws Superboy to the ground but is then caught by a clothesline from Supergirl that puts him down and opens him up to a lightsaber through the heart from Leia.  Master Fisto then tries a similar move on Supergirl; but Superboy catches him in a choke hold and breaks the Jedi's neck.  Superboy then tries this same move on Silver Surfer; but finds that his strength does not match that of the former Herald of Galactus and ends up being the one broken in half instead.  Silver Surfer, sensing that Supergirl outmatches the strength Superboy once held, unleashes the full power cosmic on Supergirl and manages to break through her amazing vulnerability.  The Surfer, now exhausted and energy depleted actually falls off of his board to the ground.  As he begins to get back up he feels his heart heavy inside his thick protective silver shell as Leia uses a Force technique forbidden to the Jedi that crushes his organs from the inside out.          

Only a few remain of both battered squads as they converge on what was once a beautiful city.  Burning buildings and debris are all that remain in it, along with only Sarumon, He-Man, Megatron, Leia, Arsenal, and Starfire for The Horsemen and only Vader, Nightwing, Batgirl, Jango Fett, and Ethan Hunt for The Madhouse.  

 Darkseid has prepped his people well, and they know who the biggest threats are on The Madhouse; so when it comes to the who fights who, they know who needs to be double-teamed.  Megatron and Starfire both take flight in an attempt to gain the high ground over Vader.  Nightwing moves at Sarumon with swiftness, while He-Man decides to test the tensile strength of Beskar with his fists on Jango Fett (holding up pretty good so far).  Leia has drawn her lightsaber against Ethan Hunt who has generated two green energy batons to hold her back, while Arsenal and Batgirl are going at it in full on hand to hand DC combat action that they were always better at showcasing than Marvel.  

He-Man pulls his shield just in time to repel a rocket blast from Jango and then manages to find a kink in the former foundling's armor when he thrusts the Sword of Power through the bounty hunter's neck.  Sarumon just barely fends off the bo staff and birdarang attacks from Nightwing before catching the former sidekick with a blast of light from his staff, Sarumon then gains full bro status when he is able to send another healthy blast of magic to protect Arsenal who was about to get a stiletto to the face from Batgirl.  The two of them take that opportunity to finish off Babs Gordon.  Ethan Hunt on the other hand is able to take advantage of the hand to hand combat setting that Leia has gotten herself into, while the green ring itself has been able to ward off any pressing Force powers.  The IMF Agent is able to tie up her lightsaber with his two energy staffs and then with a spin move drop everything, pull a knife and send it into the jugular of the best Disney Princess.  Vader is able to deflect every eye blast sent by Starfire with his crimson lightsaber; but her real  mistake came when she tried to fly in fast for some melee combat.  Knowing that she is physically stronger she thought she would have the upper hand; but The Dark Lord of the Sith pulls her in even faster with The Force and grabs her by the neck.  He then chokes her out the old fashioned way assuring her that her lack of faith was disturbing.  Megatron, from the air then unloads an enormous blast from his arm cannon towards Vader who does nothing but put up a single hand at the powerful laser.  The explosion is massive causing Megatron to chuckle; but the laughter abruptly stops as the smoke begins to clear and Megatron sees through his optics the silhouette of Darth Vader is still standing.  Vader then continues to concentrate as a confused Megatron feels a sensation he has never experienced.  The Force grip used by Vader then finishes its job of crushing the spark of the mighty Megatron while still inside his Cybertronian Metal body.  Ethan Hunt moves in fast; but succeeds where Nightwing did not and goes for the immediate kill shot on Sarumon, whose protective aura penetrates through the green energy aura of Ethan causing the agent to join the wizard in death.  

Darth Vader, exhausted from what has certainly been one of the most impressive displays of Force Power ever, lets go of his Force grip on the lifeless Megatron and instantly must ignite his lightsaber to perry the attacks of He-Man and the Sword of Grayskull.  Arsenal hangs back shooting specialty and novelty arrows over Vader's shoulder that miss on purpose but burst behind him to disrupt his electronics and attempt to distract him.  He-Man has the upper hand in physical strength; but Vader is seemingly the better duelist.  Vader, focuses what Force power he can still muster to come down hard on The Sword of Power and actually manages to cut the all powerful Sword in half.  Vader then goes in for a kill shot on He-Man, but He-Man pulls his shield just in time to block it.  From there He-Man gathers his strength, drops his shield and catches Vader with a wicked upper cut that breaks his helmet, destroying the seal of the former Anakin Skywalker's suit.  

He-Man picks up the broken Sword of Grayskull, the very weapon that gave him his power and looks over to his teammate:  "Where do we go from here skinny one??"?  

Arsenal tips his trucker hat and replies:  "We go to The Universe Bowl Big Hass".