The Untouchables vs. George Washington's Slaves

I have been appointed by my brethren Joshatu and Ryatu to watch the following Year 2, Week 9 Match: The Untouchables vs. George Washington's Slaves.

I look in the locker room of The Untouchables. The Untouchables are Onslaught, Deadpool, Megatron, Sinestro (green ring), Tomar Tu, The Constructicons, She-Ra with Swiftwind, Madam Razz with Broom, She-Hulk, Captain Cold and Xio Jade.

Megatron: We need to hand the Slaves another loss. It will knock them off their self-righteous perch and allow us to climb in the standings and one step closer to the playoffs!

Xio Jade: I serve at the will of the Untouchables’ owner. I will not disappoint during the final weeks of our league’s second year.

Madam Razz: I just want to make a little nice with Santa!

I look into the locker room of George Washington’s Slaves. The Slaves are Wedge Antilles and Admiral Ackbar in a Snow Speeder, Agen Kolar, Ben Skywalker, Cade Skywalker, Santa Claus and Corbin Dallas with Rudolf, Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner and Blitzen, Ki Adi Mundi, Yoda with Kybuck, Neo, Shaak Ti, Sifo Dyas and Jedi Master #1.

Yoda: Today are we assured of another victory if together we work!

Dallas: Nothing is going to stand in the way of Santa and me kicking some Untouchable butt!!!

I transport the teams to the icy battlefield of Hoth. . .

Santa Claus and Corbin Dallas ride on Santa’s sleigh, carried in the air by Rudolf, Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner and Blitzen. Madam Razz sees the two in their sleigh and pulls up alongside on her broom.

Claus: Look at that piece of a@@ Corbin!

Dallas: You’re a happily married man Santa. Don’t even think about it!

Claus: Remember what mama says: Look, but don’t touch.

Dallas: Remember what Dallas says: Avoid the temptation.

With that comment, Dallas pulls a gun on Razz. Razz reacts just in time and places a spell on the weapon before it is fired. Instead of a bullet being fired from the gun, a bouquet of flowers pops out of the barrel.

Razz (taking the flowers): Why thank you young man!

Razz flies away and Dallas is left fuming. Dallas and Claus focus on another target. They fly the sleigh down toward She-Ra riding Swiftwind. She-Ra sees the sleigh storming at her and fails to react in time. Although she draws her sword, Santa uses his sleigh’s skis to slice She-Ra’s sword arm off. Santa comes around again and although She-Ra avoids the skis, she cannot avoid the reindeers’ hooves as they trample her head and crush her skull. She-Ra’s dead body falls off the horse. Dallas jumps off the sled and onto Swiftwind. He rides Swiftwind right into Yoda and his Kybuck. Yoda, holding on the Kybuck with one arm, uses his other arm to slice Swiftwind’s stomach. The horse’s intestines fall out and Swiftwind dies. Dallas manages to escape any injury as the horse dies.

Onslaught looks to the sky and sees Santa’s sleigh. He uses his powers of magnetism to crumple the sleigh together like a tin can. Santa is trapped in the sleigh and is crushed inside the vehicle. As the sleigh plummets to the tundra below, Megatron and the Constructicons (as Devastator) take pot shots at the reindeer. Rudolf, Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner and Blitzen are blasted to bits by the Transformers.

Madam Razz flies by the Snow Speeder which holds Wedge Antilles and Admiral Ackbar. The Star Wars duo decides that due to the “temptation” caused by Razz aimed at their beloved Santa, they are going to get back at her. Thus, they fly at Razz. As they chase the witch on her broom, they are followed by flying lanterns, Tomar Tu and Sinestro.

Antilles: She’s going to be in my sights in a minute.

Tomar Tu and Sinestro begin to use their rings. They create projectiles which pummel the Speeder.

Antilles: We’re taking some hits!

Ackbar: Stay on target!

Sinestro strikes the strut of the Snow Speeder, causing the vehicle to shake.

Antilles: We can’t take another hit like that!

Ackbar: Stay on target!

Tomar Tu and Sinestro combine their ring powers and smash the right wing, causing the Speeder to rock violently.

Antilles: We need to pull away!

Ackbar: Stay on target!

Tomar Tu and Sinestro combine their ring powers again to smash the left wing.

Antilles: We’re going to crash!

Ackbar: Stay on target!

Antilles manages to fire his proton torpedoes. They torpedoes find their mark and disintegrate Madam Razz on her broom. As Antilles and Ackbar celebrate their victory over the witch, their Speeder explodes into a ball of fire. The lanterns fly away toward another skirmish.

Corbin Dallas is walking on the snowy ground and meets Deadpool. The two draw their weapons and repeatedly fire at one another. Each mercenary jumps behind a giant snowdrift. The two stick their heads and guns out, sporadically firing at their enemy. Deadpool decides that enough time has been wasted already, and uses his skills to fire through the snowdrift that Dallas is hiding behind. The bullet smashes through Dallas’ skull. Dallas crumples to the floor, blood pumping out of his skull.

Xio Jade meets Jedi Master #1. The two battle and their lightsabers spark off one another. Jade eventually uses her dark abilities and fighting skills to best Jedi Master #1. As Jedi Master #1 dies, Jade is confronted by Agen Kolar, Ben Skywalker, Cade Skywalker, Ki Adi Mundi, Shaak Ti and Sifo Dyas. Jade cannot take on all of the Jedi at one time. The Jedi come together and with their combined force abilities and training, kill Jade. She-Hulk and Captain Cold come to the scene. Captain Cold uses his cold blasters to freeze the legs of Ben Skywalker. She-Hulk then pounds on the young Jedi until he dies. Captain Cold then fires at Cade Skywalker, but is not so lucky as Cade uses his mastery of both the light and dark sides of the force to deflect the blast back at Cold. Captain Cold is nearly frozen when Ki Adi Mundi puts him out of his misery and slices him in half. She-Hulk manages to avoid the saber of Sifo Dyas and kills him. She-Hulk then falls victim to the combined Jedi: Cade Skywalker, Ki Adi Mundi, Agen Kolar and Shaak Ti.

Neo sees Deadpool walking away from his fresh Dallas kill. Neo uses his Matrix abilities to escape the barrage of fire from Deadpool’s guns and kills the marksman. Megatron comes to the scene in robot mode and blows Neo away. Megatron is then joined by Devastator (Constructicons’ gestalt) and both focus on the Jedi across the battlefield.

Yoda joins his other Jedi brethren. Together they sense the battle nearing an end. They come together in an attack-circle formation, ready to face their enemy. Yoda sends his Kybuck away. The beast does not make it far as Megatron fires at the steed and blows the beast to pieces.

Devastator and Megatron are joined by Onslaught, Sinestro and Tomar Tu. They face the Jedi: Agen Kolar, Cade Skywalker, Ki Adi Mundi, Yoda and Shaak Ti. The Jedi focus their abilities on the lanterns Sinestro and Tomar Tu. The lanterns use their rings to throw a barrage of ring projectiles at the Jedi. The Jedi manage to deflect a majority of them back at the lanterns and at the Transformers. Sinestro and Tomar Tu fall to their own powers, injured, but not dead. Yoda spectacularly spins and twirls in the air and in an acrobatic instant kills Tomar Tu. Before Yoda can kill Sinestro, Sinestro escapes behind Devastator. Devastator and Megatron focus their weaponry on Yoda, but Yoda manages to avoid the fire and reaches his teammates.


The Jedi, all of their lightsabers ignited, face the Untouchables, ready for the final onslaught. Speaking of Onslaught, the mutant uses his abilities to rip all of the Jedi’s lightsabers away from their hands. Megatron and Devastator unleash their weaponry on the Jedi. Shaak Ti and Agen Kolar are killed.

Yoda (looking at his remaining Jedi teammates): Know we must when to retreat. Fight another day, we shall.

Cade Skywalker: We can do this Master Yoda!

Yoda: But at what cost, young Skywalker? At what cost?

Skywalker grudgingly shrugs. The remaining Slaves: Yoda, Cade Skywalker and Ki Adi Mundi, retreat.

Slaves: Yoda, Cade Skywalker and Ki Adi Mundi alive.

Untouchables: Onslaught, Megatron, Sinestro (green ring) and Constructicons alive.

THE UNTOUCHABLES ARE VICTORIOUS!!!!