Built (Bill) Ford Tough vs. Alice's Wonder Team

"I don't remember the name—something with too many 'Ks and 'Ys. Sounds like you're gargling ronto spit when you say it."
―Mira [src]

I look at the teams to do battle on Kashyyk during this pre-season match. They are as follows:

Built (Bill) Ford Tough: Arachnids #1-4 (Starship Troopers), Chewbacca, Dave Thomas, Christopher Robin and Scout Trooper #1 on a speeder bike.

Alice’s Wonder Team: Q and Vampire #4.

Q has somehow shifted time so that I am witnessing the end of the match. The god-like entity wears a scowl on his face. It appears that he is contemplating a question recently posed to him by the white-haired human standing in defiance of the cosmic watcher. The purple hat adorned by Q is slightly askew, matching the crease on the tilt of his brow. Q is analyzing the cherubic gentleman in front of him. Q lifts his hand to his chin and asks a simple question: “So Mr. Thomas, I appear to be stumped by your question -where is the beef?”

Time shifts again to the battle’s beginning. . .

The combatants appear outside the city of Thikkiiana. Christopher Robin and Scout Trooper #1 race on a speeder bike; they are looking for prey. The two speeder bike companions locate Vampire #4. The speeder bike races toward Vampire #4. The two mean to skewer the undead minion on the bike’s front. Just as Vampire #4 is about to be struck, he utilizes his uncanny speed to avoid the impalement and escapes. Christopher Robin is shocked at Vampire #4’s abilities and clutches onto Scout Trooper #1- a little too tight. Due to Christopher’s antics, the Trooper loses control of the bike and crashes into a tree stump. The Vampire swoops upon the easy fare, Christopher Robin.

Vampire #4 (whispers in a terrified Christopher’s ear): Let’s see Pooh get you out of this one, boy!

Robin relieves himself (no Pooh reference meant) at the bite of Vampire #4. Christopher Robin has been turned. Christopher then assists Vampire #4 with attacking Scout Trooper #1. Within a few minutes, Scout Trooper’s helmet is off and his fangs are out. Vampire #4, Vampire Christopher Robin and Vampire Scout Trooper #1 have their sights on the Kashyyk native, Chewbacca. Chewbacca is familiar with the forest surrounding the tree city and manages to escape the vampires. The wookiee races up the tree to Thikkiiana’s heights. The vampires give chase. On his way up, Chewbacca rips a branch from the tree and luckily manages to have one end be jagged-a perfect stake. Chewbacca sees the vampires gaining ground and slows down enough so that Christopher catches him. Chewbacca fully realizes that this being is no longer a teammate, but an enemy that must be destroyed. He lets Robin overtake him, turns and sinks the jaggedly, sharp branch into the heart of Vampire Christopher Robin. Robin looks down at the tree sticking out of his chest and explodes into a cloud of dust. Chewbacca rushes up the tree and jumps on to the city’s platform. Vampires #4 and Scout Trooper #1 are not far behind. Just as Vampire #4 and Scout Trooper #1 make their move at Chewbacca, the Starship Trooper Arachnids #1-4 scuttle out from behind the city’s residences. The Arachnids’ sharp, front appendages rip the vampires apart. Vampires #4 and Scout Trooper #1 burst into dust clouds.

Q comes upon the scene. He is dressed in purple colored regal clothing, walking toward the wookiee and arachnids with a smile on his face. Chewbacca knows that he will not get a second chance at the omnipotent being. Chewbacca unleashes a battle cry and repeatedly unloads his bowcaster (which he has taken off his shoulder) into Q. The Arachnids follow suit and attack together in a swarm of pincers, arms and legs. Chewbacca’s roar is heard as Q falls to his knees. Chewbacca moves to Q’s head and fires. The arachnids and Chewbacca celebrate their victory. Unfortunately, it is somewhat short lived. Q stops his death and goes back in time to only moments before his “death.” Before he loses the fight, this time, he uses his powers to destroy Chewbacca and the Arachnids.

Q walks through the city – victorious, until he sees the founder of Wendy’s standing before him. Being that Q has taken an extreme interest in human beings, he stops to look at Dave Thomas. Thomas, who knows that he is overwhelmed, uses his aww-shucks intelligence to battle Q. The two decide that if Thomas stumps Q, Q will destroy himself and allow Built (Bill) Ford tough to win this pre-season match. Thomas stares at Q.

Thomas: Where’s the Beef?

Q ponders the question. He does not know where the beef is. How can he be bested by such a simpleton!?!

Q: So Mr. Thomas, I appear to be stumped by your question -where is the beef?

Before Thomas can answer the question and win the match, a little girl’s voice is heard from behind. A young, red-headed, freckled girl walks toward Thomas.

Wendy (hugging): Daddy! I love you!!!

Thomas is overwhelmed with love and affection for his “little girl.” Although in his head he realizes that his girl is now grown, his heart is overjoyed at the sight of a young Wendy. Thomas has suffered so much guilt over the years for having to miss Wendy growing up due to the fact that he had to perfect the square burger during his life.

Q: I have given you another chance, Mr. Thomas. Do not waste any time.

Thomas forgets his question posed and looks to the little girl. Wendy rushes to the hut and pulls out two parachutes.

Wendy: Daddy, let’s fly together!

Dave Thomas puts on the parachute and helps his daughter with her device. They stroll toward the edge of the city’s tree platform. Thomas looks back at Q.

Thomas (smiling, with tears in his eyes): Thank you. Thank you for everything!

Q: No, Mr. Thomas. Thank you.

Thomas jumps off the platform. During their trip off of the platform, Thomas notices that Wendy is dissipating, like the phantom she truly was. Thomas has been duped by Q, who has warped reality to reflect Thomas’ wishes. Thomas hits the forest floor with a rather large thud. Q looks down at Thomas’ broken body lying at the bottom of the tree city and smiles.

Built (Bill) Ford Tough: All dead.
Alice’s Wonder Team: Q survives.

ALICE’S WONDER TEAM IS VICTORIOUS!!!