week 1- Built Ford Tough vs Michael Vickz Bad News Kennelz of Lurve

Michael Vickz Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve is: Jade w/ green and blue power rings, and Dexter the dog.

Built Ford Tough is: Jeff Houslander w/ red ring, Despotellis, and Good Luck Bear.


As the match is set to begin, Jade and Dexter enter the home of Josh Houslander through the front door, ready to compete. On the other side, Good Luck Bear charges at Jade through the glass door, running as fast as his chubby little legs will carry him, luckily for him (and establishing a pattern for the rest of the match), Jade creates a giant green hand and swats the Care Bear a little too roughly, sending him careening into Josh's bookcase. Dazing the little fellow.

As Good Luck Bear, or GLB as he will now be referred to, struggles to get to his feet, he pulls himself up by grasping one of Josh's various "Dune" books. Suddenly there's a flash of light from the stomach of the cigarette smoking Teletubby and a portal opens up right in front of GLB. His curiosity piqued, he enters the portal and disappears leaving the elder Houslander seemingly alone in his son's apartment to fend to himself.

"Son of a b%@h" seethes Houslander "I gotta do every f*%@ing thing myself" and vomits his bruning red plasma at Jade and Dexter.

The Kennelz dodge the blast, when suddenly Dexter gets very ills and vomits all over Josh's carpet. The dog isn't looking so great, so I hereby invoke one of my five "Watcher life savers" and transport Dexter back home safe and sound.

"Ok, Mr Houslander. It's one on one. Bring it on, old man." Jade confidently tells the hatred fueled Houser.

"Is it? You sure, you stupid green wh*#e?" Jeff fires back "You better be careful, you might catch what the fleabag mutt got."

"Oh, the Despotellis virus? That sentient flu bug that has a Sinestro Corps ring? Yeah, I knew he was here as soon as Dexter started looking sick so I used my blue ring to drain his ring and then used the Starheart to create the proper antibodies to counteract him. He's gone now, and since your little green friend went who knows where, it's just you and me. It's antibodies are still coursing through my veins, making sure I totally eradicate the infection, so I'll just use my rings to beat you." Jade says expositionally.

"M**%$her. F*#@k!" screams Jeff and launches another plasma burst at the smarty pants.

"Now, now Mr Houslander. A man your age shouldn't get so upset. Here, let me help you get the rage under control." Jade then creates a green force bubble that envelopes Josh's dad and as he prepares to swear and puke more red energy Jade uses her blue ring to heal Jeff's burning hatred and pries the ring off of his finger.

"There now, Mr Houslander." coos Jade. "All better, now run along on your merry way."

"Run? Why the f*%$k would I run?" questions the perplexed Jeff

"Well, it's a retreat week. And since Dexter was spared, I figured I'd return the favor and let you live. Seems kinda classless to kill a guy's father in his apartment while he's not here."

"EXCEPT IT'S NOT A RETREAT WEEK YOU DUMB B!$*H!" says a voice behind Jade.

"Wha?" she claims and turns to see Good Luck Bear standing in front of her, holding the head of a Manhunter robot. "Good Luck Bear? But I thought you died in that flash by the bookcase"

"Ha. No, you stupid slut. Lucky for me, I found the entrance to the FFL armory, where Josh keeps all the prizes and spare parts for the league. Who would have thought that teletubby actually had a use, and isn't just a funny decoration?" GLB cockily replies. "Now, since you took my buddies ring, how about I take one of yours?" and GLB uses the Manhunter robot head to quickly drain Jade's green ring.

"Ha ha ha. You dumb, green furry bastard" Jade replies. "I'll just use my blue ring to recharge the green one."

"Except, without a functioning green ring around the blue one is useless." the bear replies

"You're bluffing" says Jade

"Maybe" GLB relies calmly " "but you might want to turn around and see what Mr Houslander has for you."

"What?" Jade says and the last thing she sees is Josh's dad swinging one of Josh's swords at her head.

"Well Jeff, we make quite a pair" says GLB.

"Whatever you creepy little a$$h*/#" replies Jeff as he grabs picks up his red ring and starts to head home. "Just clean up that f*#king dog puke before Josh gets home. I just stepped in that s#*t. Get going, or I'll put my boot so far up your a$$ that people will think you're one of my slippers."

"Yes sir, you're welcome for winning us the match by the way" GLB responds despondently.

"What the f*$k did you say??!!"

"Nothing, nothing. Cleaning up the puke now, sir"

"Good."


Michael Vickz Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve: All dead/ spared.

Built Ford Tough: Jeff Houslander and Good Luck Bear survive


BUILT FORD TOUGH IS VICTORIOUS!!