Season 5, Week 7: Better Than All of You vs. Brotherhood of Evil Midgets

“Arrogance is not a uniquely American trait, but you do it better than most.”
 -Red Skull

I look upon the teams which will do battle in this Season 5, Week 7 Match located in Las Vegas.  They are as follows:

Better Than All of You: Nick Fury, Quasar, Red Skull, Blues Brothers with Snake Eyes and Storm Shadow's kitana blades, Angel Salvadore, Black Lantern Ben Kenobi, Revan, Darth Marr, Darth Voaran, Rogue, Predator #11 with green lightsaber, Pitfall Harry, Yellow Lantern #1, Iron Suit Spiderman on Oscorp glider, Symbiote Suit Spiderman with indigo lantern ring, Deathlok with green lightsaber and Ninja Pirate #3.

Brotherhood of Evil Midgets: Nosyarg kcid (Larry), Ch'p and Dr. Ub' x, Skimmell (with a zapper), Hermes, Spider-Ham, Michelle Dessler and Tony Almeida, Bultar Swan, Oppo Rancisis, Aayla Secura, Bontu Sitmus, Widdle Wade, Impossible Man, White Lantern Hal Jordan (with red lantern ring, Alan Scott's magical green lantern ring and Guy Gardner's yellow lantern ring), Pythona (with Asajj Ventress' 2 red lightsabers), Blue Lantern #1 and The Phoenix Force.

Nighttime. . . Let the battle begin. . .

Treasure Island. . .

Fireworks spout above the pirate ship which lodges in the lagoon in front of the hotel. Ninja Pirate #3 walks the deck of the vessel and feels at home.  He sees a woman climbing a rope attached to his ship’s hull from a boat moored below.  As Michelle Dessler lifts her head above the rail, Ninja Pirate #3 slices her throat.   Tony Almeida sees his wife’s body fall into the water below.  Almeida storms the boat and pulls out his gun.

Tony Almeida:  You may not remember me, my name's Tony Almeida and this morning you killed my wife Michelle Dessler. She was my life, and you took her away, and now I’m gonna take yours.

With his speech now out of the way, Almeida shoots and kills Ninja Pirate #3 before NP3 can perform any of his acrobatic moves. 

Across the pirate schooner, Pitfall Harry uses the ship’s rigging to swing across the boat.  He focuses on Skimmell, who is moving around the upper deck.  Before Skimmel can take out his zapper, Pitfall Harry uses the ropes and wraps them around Skimmel’s neck.  Pitfall Harry then leaps off the bow and the lasso around Skimmel’s head rips it clean off.  As Harry swings down from the rafters, he is crushed by a Blue Lantern #1 projectile. 

Mirage. . .

The volcano’s fiery waters burst forth into the air.  While the lights shine about this attraction, other lights are also seen- those of the multi-colored lightsabers swishing in the night’s air.  Bultar Swan, Oppo Rancisis, Aayla Secura and Bontu Sitmus battle Revan, Darth Marr and Darth Voaran.  The lightsaber battle is intense between the teams’ Jedi and Sith.  Although Aayla Secura is lithe, Darth Marr is able to eventually kill the blue Twi-lek.  In response to their teammate’s death, Bultar Swan and Oppo Rancisis combine their skills and strike Darth Marr down.  Revan, the sprinkling of both Jedi and Sith pouring through his veins, kills Bultar Swan and Oppo Rancisis with the assistance of Darth Voaran.  Revan and Voaran focus their attention on Yoda’s former master.  The superior Bontu Sitmus bests Darth Voaran, but now injured, falls to Revan.   Revan senses that something is wrong with the volcano and begins to race from the area.  He is not faster than the Phoenix Force which rises from the volcano and decimates Revan where he stands. 

Caesars. . .

The statuary around the villa portion of the complex is filled with combatants.   Dr. Ub’x uses his “Sucker Stick” and his body becomes pure energy.  The Ub’x energy force rips through Yellow Lantern #1.  YL1 attempts to shake off his disorientation, but is destroyed by Ch’p before he can gain his wits.  Ub’x, mission now accomplished, transforms back into his solid state only to be killed by Predator #11’s green lightsaber.   Widdle Wade jumps off of the statue of one of the gods onto Predator #11.  Wade slices into and kills the beast.

Widdle Wade: 私はモンスターを空から死亡した。 私のコック吸う !  [English translation: I have killed you monster from the skies!  Suck my c#ck!]

Rio. . .

The Blues Brothers stand in the attraction room of the hotel, wielding their kitana blades.  They uncomfortably stand next to the Red Skull.  The Blues Brothers whisper to themselves.

Elwood:  Vegas Nazis.

Jake:  I hate Vegas Nazis.

Nick Fury walks alongside his teammates and draws his weapons.  He stands in between the two brothers.  The Blues are each shot in the head by Fury and fall to the ground.  Red Skull hears a “pop” as the Impossible Man is removed from his Fury disguise. Iron Suit Spiderman rides his Oscorp glider and Symbiote Suit Spiderman uses his ring.  The two combine their powers, abilities and weaponry to destroy Impossible Man. Spider-Ham swings across the Rio’s showroom, looking forward to entering the fight.  SH is shredded apart by the Red Skull and the “true” Nick Fury who has come to the scene. 

Red Skull:  Shredded pork is my favorite.

Nick Fury:  Along with barbeque sauce and coleslaw-a fantastic sandwich.

As the two contemplate their lunch for the day, Hermes races to the event and in only seconds, snaps the necks of both Fury and Skull; a master-of-espionage and super-soldier is still no match for a god.

Bellagio. . .

The fountains in front of the hotel rhythmically spout into the air to the tune of “Ebony and Ivory” while Black Lantern Ben Kenobi faces White Lantern Hal Jordan.  Although Kenobi is an experienced character, the combination of lantern rings best the BL Jedi in only a matter of moments.  Pythona’s skill with her two lightsabers manages to wound Deathlok, but Angel Salvadore comes to the assistance of the cyborg and the duo is too much for the assassin; Pythona is killed.  Larry stands near the fountain and does not notice Rogue.  Rogue touches Larry and she saps him of all his extra-dimensional powers.  This strain kills Larry.  The dimensional powers are too much for Rogue and her body’s systems overload.  Although Rogue dies, she manages to focus Larry’s powers to enable reality to be warped whereby Quasar, using his quantum bands, manages to kill White Lantern Hal Jordan. 

Final Battle. . . Monte Carlo. . .

Quasar, Iron Suit Spiderman, Angel Salvadore, Symbiote Suit Spiderman and Deathlok face Ch'p, Hermes, Tony Almeida, Widdle Wade, Blue Lantern #1 and The Phoenix Force.  A heartbroken Almeida is sliced in two by Deathlok.  Blue Lantern #1, with an assist from Ch’p, manages to destroy the glider and Iron Suit Spiderman along with it.  Angel Salvadore is killed by Blue Lantern #1 and Widdle Wade.

Widdle Wade: 混乱は私と雌ないでください ! 私は私の目の前に来たハッカーは、 !   [English Translation: Don't mess with me b%$ch!  I kill all the whores who come before me!]

Quasar destroys Ch’p and Blue Lantern #1 in only a matter of moments.  Deathlok is killed by Hermes.  Quasar controls his entire essence and bursts with enough cosmic powers to destroy Hermes.  The Phoenix Force, once again, saves the day for the Midgets and disintegrates Quasar and Symbiote Spiderman. 

Widdle Wade: すべてのそれは吸う ! 私は生き残った ! 私は生き残った !  [English Translation: Suck it all!  I survived!  I survived!]