S6W7 - Kennelz vs Highness

The Royal Highness is:  Yoda, Doomslayer, Cyborg Doomsday, Superboy Doomsday, Steel Doomsday, Black Lantern Loki, Jack Hawksmoor (Authority), Goliath the Gargoyle, Punisher w/jetpack and Microchip, Robocop & Agent 47 in a Ferrari 308 , Midnighter & Hollywood Hulk Hogan in a Ferrari GTO.

The Kennelz are:  Phoenix Force: Cyclops, Collossus, Emma Frost, Magik & Namor, Kratos, Jack Bauer, (Green Lantern) Ryan Poteracki, Mandalorian Justin Oblak, Brandon Inge, Matt Oblak, Dr. Teresa Oblak, Dexter The Dog, Dark Jedi Pete Sosa, Black Widow, Super-girl (Ariella Kent), Shazam (Freddie Freeman)(9 Deaths), Black Lantern Bizarro Superman (9 Deaths), Bizarro Supergirl, Steel Superman.

“I heard you were flirting with my man.” Says Midnighter as he and Hollywood Hulk Hogan travel the streets in a Ferrari GTO.

“Naw, Brotha… It was all him.  Sitting on my lap and talking about manjobs.” Replies Hogan defensively.

“Well you just make sure that the only shirts you tear off better be your own.”  Midnighter says accusingly.

As the two Highness teammates travel the streets of Detroit, they are getting very odd looks since the car they are driving is very out of place for 1928.  Closely behind them in a Ferrari 308 is Agent 47 and Robocop.  The ground suddenly opens up and swallows the GTO with Hogan and Midnighter.  After the two fall into the pit, Shazam rips the side off a building and drops it on top of the car as the two struggled to free themselves.  Many of the Kennelz team members begin to walk out from in between buildings and surround the 308.  Robocop steps out and scans the crowd. 

“You are all under arrest!” Robocop exclaims.

Matt Oblak laughs and charges at Murphy.  Robocop and Agent 47 begin to fire upon the Kennelz but as Oblak charges at them, he is able to deflect many of the bullets with his Mandalorian armor and two lightsabers.  Robocop’s shift is over as Oblak manages to plunge his green saber into Robocop’s main CPU, shutting him down for good.  As Oblak turns, he is horrified that the barrage of gunfire has not only taken the life of his dog Dexter, but of his wife Teresa.  Oblak is filled with rage that can only be equaled by a Michigan football loss or by his hatred of Jim Leyland.  He takes the light disc from the back of his wife’s Tron suit and fires it down a nearby alley.  The Highness members have now gathered at the scene as well and Justin Oblak is desperately trying to get his brother to leave his wife’s side and run to safety.

“C’mon asshole, she’ll be back in the locker room next week!” He screams.

Justin and Brandon Inge each grab an arm and pull him around a corner.  Agent 47 has now been joined by Punisher and Microchip who is trying unsucessfully to rewire Robocop.  Goliath the Gargoyle also shows up to help out too and he lands on top of Black Widow and Dark Jedi Pete Sosa and flies off with them.  He then drops them in the Detroit River.  Pete struggles to stay afloat and they both perish as Sosa drags the Black Widow down in his panic.

Goliath soars back to the fight to find that the Phoenix Force crew has decided to show up for the Kennelz.  They have begun to fight with Yoda and the 3 Doomsdays  (Three?!?)  Yoda bests Namor with his lightsaber and Superboy Doomsday is trading blows with Colossus.  Agent 47 shoots Colossus in the eye which causes him to wince long enough for SB Doomsday to land the fatal blow to his skull.  Cyclops uses his heat vision to ignite the remaining Ferrari that several of the Highness members are still hiding behind.  Punisher is able to fly to safety with his jetpack but his buddy Microchip is deleted and Agent 47’s game is over as the car blows up Hollywood style into a massive mushroom cloud.  Steel Doomsday grows tired of his antics and punches the mask off Cyclops and Yoda follows with a saber to the grill.  Emma Frost and Magik use their power of telepathy to get Steel Doomsday to turn on the Jedi master but he is much too quick and he sensed a disturbance in the force.  Yoda easily retreats and the two female Phoenix Force members then get Steel Doomsday to pick up Cyborg Doomsday and throw him into Canada.  Goliath grabs a hold of Magik, breaking her concentration and Yoda seizes the opportunity to get a very rare Phoenix Force Hat Trick.  Steel Doomsday, realizing what has happened, releases his anger by smashing the skull of Emma Frost, who is still groggy from telepathy, and then by charging at Steel Superman.  Doomsday picks him up, and begins to run him through building after building.  They end up exchanging blows inside the old (well, it looks new in 1928) Hudson building and after they have successfully broken enough supporting columns inside, the building falls, crushing the two of them in the rubble.

Kratos has seen enough of this Gargoyle and takes him by his talons and swings him into the side of the building where the Oblaks were hiding.  The falling debris crushes the skull of Matt, reuniting him with his family, and the impact also kills Goliath.  Punisher then flies in behind the Demi-God and fills the back of his skull with bullets.  And then turns his gunfire on Inge and Oblak.  The Punisher gives up as Inge deflects the bullets with a wall of green energy from his ring and flies around to the front side of the building where Green Lantern Ryan Poteracki is crouched on the ground, his back turned to the fight.  It is hard to see what he is doing but he is looking for something inside the suit of his recently deceased sister in law.  He keeps looking.  What is he doing inside her shirt for this—oh wait… I know what he is doing.  Molesting.  He was molesting a corpse.  Punisher wastes no time and shoots Poteracki in the back of the skull and he lands face first on Teresa’s bare chest.   Jack Bauer just shows up and shoots the tank on the back of Punisher’s jetpack and it explodes.  Why? Because 90% of FFL Jetpack deaths are performed this way.

Black Lantern Loki and Jack Hawksmoor take on the two Supergirls for the Kennelz and BL Loki rips telephone pole out of the ground and takes out Supergirl (Ariella Kent).  Jack Bauer goes dark for good as Loki discards the telephone pole on top of him.

The remaining Highness members retreat to Tiger Stadium: Yoda, Doomslayer, Superboy Doomsday, Black Lantern Loki, and Jack Hawksmoor.  The Kennels land on top of the stadium in left field, where Cecil used to drop home runs on the regular, and gaze down at the Highness members below.

“Let’s fight another day.  I don’t want to go to the graveyard yet, do you?” BL Bizarro Superman asks Shazam.

“Are we actually talking about a retreat?” Inge asks.  “Did I gave up during the Home Run derby in 2009 even though I didn’t actually hit one home run?”

“I don’t care what you think” Snaps Shazam. “You are not the one going to the graveyard if you die.”

The team looks down on the field and sees Cyborg Doomsday waiving a Canadian flag.

“Shit.” Says Bizarro Supergirl  “He didn’t die.  We might put up a good fight but I don’t know if we could win this.  Even with 2 nine deathers.”

The Kennelz agree to yield and save the lives of their all star players to fight another day.  All the league shakes their head as Fizzatu comes up short of mediocrity in this weeks battle.