Week 1: Season 7: Griswold's Nut-Busters vs Charles Barkley's Turrible Decisions

Griswold's Nut-Busters are (Age of Apocalypse) Nightcrawler, Batwing, Pel Tavin, Warskrull #6 and Heat-Man.

Charles Barkley's Turrible Decisions is Super-Cyborg Charles Barkley, Super-Cyborg Michael Jordan, Shrek-it Ralph, Care-Becks and Dark Jedi Master #11A.

SC Charles Barkley: What the S#@$ is Slam Ball?

Batwing: It is this piece of crap fake basketball substitute that Spike TV tried to con frat boys into thinking was cool about 8 years ago. And if there is anything the last ten years have taught us, it is that we live in a nation who caters specifically to frat boys.

Heat Man: I know, even the girls are starting to act like them. If Gloria Steinem only knew that equal rights for woman were going to lead to women acting like douche bags. Oh how the hopes of the past have turned into nothing but the sheer disappointment of the future.

Care-Becks: Somebody had a sh#$#y weekend.

Heat Man: Screw you Beckerman.

Care-Becks: It's Care-Becks bitch. Why don't you come over here and taste my rainbow.

Pel Tavin: Is that a reference you expect any of us to get?

Shrek-it Ralph: I got it.

Dark Jedi Master #11A: Yeah me too.

Batwing: Because of the whole rainbow Care-Bear thing.

Warskrull #6: It's a homo reference right?

Pel Tavin: Okay whatever; I guess this really isn't my sector.

Nickatu: So you got it right? You are playing Slam Ball. There will be four two minutes quarters and if I see anyone using any sort of powers I will be calling a foul. This is a basketball game in 2014, so I do not want to see any contact whatsoever. Oh yeah, and per Slam Ball rules, only four players per team on the court at a time.

SC Michael Jordan: What?

Nickatu: Have Fun!

SC Barkley: This is turrible Cyborg Michael. (The crowd goes wild)

SC Michael Jordan: It's all right Chuck, though I think we should probably sit the Bear.

Care-Becks: WHAT THE F@#$!!!

Batwing: I don't know about you Warskrull #6 but I am thinking you should sit out.

Warskrull #6: What are you talking about; I made myself into a basketball player. I even did my research. This guy came right after Lebron James and was drafted before Dwayne Wade and Chris Bosh. This guy has to be good. Plus he was the only white guy I could find and as everyone knows white people dominate basketball.

Pel Tavin: I know I'm not from here but I'm pretty sure that's racist.

Warskrull #6: You're the racist if you think that's racist.

Pel Tavin: I don't think that's how it works.

Warskrull #6: Whatever racist.

Batwing: Anyways, like I said Warskrull is sitting. Let's get out there and try to just continually throw the ball to Kurt.

(AOA) Nightcrawler: You better give me the ball and I don't care what that foolish watcher had to say about no powers. I am going to single-handedly win this game. Just put the ball near the basket and I will take care of the rest.

Game Time

Jump ball is won by Nightcrawler as he teleports his way up to the jump ball.

(Whistle) Foul

Dark Jedi Master #11A inbounds the pass to SC Barkley but Nightcrawler teleports in front of him and grabs the ball.

(Whistle) Foul

Dark Jedi Master #11A once again inbounds the pass to SC Barkley and the same exact thing happens.

(Whistle) Foul

Batwing: Time Out. Kurt I know you mean well but I have to sit you.

(AOA) Nightcrawler: Big Mistake Batmite.

Batwing: Okay Darko, get in here.

War Skrull: You won't regret it sir.

Batwing: You want to bet.

Once the blue skinned mutant left the game it finally started to make some progress. After the first quarter of play the score was 14 to 6, which surprisingly enough included two dunks from the Warskrull. Which for those of you who are not a douchy frat boy, that means all of the Nut-Busters points, have come from the Darko wannabe. SC Barkley and SC Michael Jordan have two dunks each and the Dark Jedi took a two point shot that was under suspicion of being force induced, though it could not be proven so it was counted.

Shrek-it Ralph: Is this game supposed to be fun because I've had STD's that sucked less then this? I mean seriously, why is a dunk worth three points but an outside jumper is worth two?

Care-Becks: Shut it you fat f@#$, at least you get to play.

Shrek-it Ralph: You want to play? Be my guest, get in there.

Care-Becks: Oh Ralphy, you're going to regret this.

Shrek-it Ralph: Regret what?

Care-Becks: Oh you just wait.

Shrek-it Ralph: For What? I don't want to play. Have fun.

Care-Becks: Oh I will, you just wait and see.

Shrek-it Ralph just shakes his head at the demented and possibly mentally challenged bear and sits down on the bench. On the other side of the court Nightcrawler was seen pleading with Batwing to let him in the game. After a couple minutes of pleading he agreed to sit Heat Man.

Heat Man: Oh wow, thanks a lot Batty. Rejected again. What's the point of any of it.

Batwing: Oh stop complaining you big girl. Get over yourself and start acting like a man.

Pel Tavin: Am I not getting something again cause it doesn't seem like you guys are talking about basketball.

Batwing: Yes we are, why what does it sound like we are talking about?

Heat Man: Yeah, what are you playing at Pel. You gonna stab me through the heart also?

Pel Tavin: Yeah I definitely don't know what is going on here.

The Nut-busters in bounded the ball to start the second quarter. Fake Darko passed it into Batwing but Nightcrawler teleported in front of his own teammate and intercepted the ball.

(Whistle) Foul

Batwing: What the hell are you doing?

(AOA) Nightcrawler: I told you to just give me the ball.

Due to the foul there was a loss of possession and DJM in bounded it to SC Jordan. Well at least he attempted to inbound it but as soon as he did Nightcrawler teleported in front of him and stole the ball.

(Whistle) Foul

Batwing: What are you not getting about this no powers thing? Get back on the bench Kurt.

Nightcrawler: No, you get on the bench. I'm the captain now.

Batwing: You know what, fine, you're the captain now Kurt.

Nightcrawler: Okay, now give me the ball.

Pel Tavin: It's still their ball Kurt, remember the foul?

Nightcrawler: I don't care about fouls, I just want the ball.

This time Care-Becks inbounds the ball and SC Jordan is able to accept the pass and launch himself on the trampoline and dunk the ball with the beautiful precision that only a Cyborg basketball player could display. With only ten seconds left on the clock the Nut-Busters quickly threw the ball down court to Darko but as he passed the ball over to Pel Tavin, Nightcrawler once again teleported and intercepted his own teammates pass.

(Whistle) Foul

Nickatu: That's six fouls Nightcrawler, you're out of the game.

Nightcrawler: WHAT?!? Fouled out! What kind of bulls#$% rule is that? I love how because you are a watcher you are just allowed to make up any rules that you want.

Batwing: He didn't make up the fouled out rule you asshole. Why do you think I let you go in for me? I knew you would not make it to half time.

Nightcrawler: Whatever Batf#$%, kiss my blue a$$ and suck my blue...

Care-Becks: No way you get to use the same penis joke as me. That's mine you blue skinned f#$#!

Nickatu: Taunting Care-Becks, that's a technical foul.

Care-Becks: Screw you watcher. Smell my a$$hole and lick my fat c#@$ you buttf#@$ing donkey rapist.

Nickatu: Do I really even need to respond to that? Another technical Beckerman, get out of here.

Care-Becks: $@#$  $#%$#  4%$#% #$%#$@@@$#@$%^$%^%$^$%^!!!!! Fair Enough.

The score at Halftime is 22-6 in favor of Charles Barkley's Turrible Decisions.

Batwing: Okay guys, this game is not over yet.

Heat Mean: Oh really cause I think it was over before it even began. I don't even know why I tried. What a waste of time and money.

Batwing: Okay what? Now I'm confused.

Pel Tavin: See I told you he's not talking about basketball.

SC Barkley: Why are we not winning by a hundred Michael?

SC Jordan: Because we can literally not try at all and still win by twenty.

DJM: Hey can I shoot a couple of times this half.

SC Barkley: Yeah sure, whatever.

Shrek-it Ralph: You guys mind if I sit this one out?

Nobody says anything to Ralph so he takes that as a yes.

The third and forth quarters were more or less a wash as the Nut-Busters actually out scored them 9-6 in the third and then they both put up 15 in the final quarter of the game. Bringing the final score to 43-30 in favor of Charles Barkley's Turrible Decisions And they all lived happily ever after.

Post Game News Conference

Reporter: So let me get this straight, because you had a bad weekend we had to sit through a half unfinished shit match? Is this how it is going to be all year with you?

Nickatu: Um let me think about that one. Next Question.

Reporter #2: What was with all the Heat Man stuff, I am with Pel on this one because I don't get it.

Nickatu: That's too bad for you. Next Question.

Reporter #3: That was it. Did you get a call half way through the match? You wrote the entire first half and then a two-sentence recap. What gives? I thought you were this highly regarded watcher in years past?

Nickatu: One more question. Oh yes, I remember you old friend.

Real Man: Another classic Nickatu, this might be your best work ever. Don't let all the h8ers in this league bring you down. Just keep on doing whatever you want.

Nickatu: Thanks Real Man, I can always count on you for pretending my shit tastes like cotton candy.

Real Man: Anytime, that's what I'm hear for.

Nickatu: Is it?