The Horsemen of Apokolips vs. Griffin's High Maintenance Dope Fiends and Destroyers

“What’s with all this dirt?”
-Al Dogg

I look upon the teams which will do battle in this Season 4, Week 8 Match located in Metropolis. They are as follows:

Horsemen of Apokolips: Flamebird, Nightwing, Phoenix: Jean Grey, Black Lantern Original Sinestro, Star Sapphire #1, Sabretooth, Jamie Madrox, Sersi and Lucius Malfoy.

Griffin’s High Maintenance Dope Fiends and Destroyers: My State Farm Agent, Techno Destructo, Bozo Destructo, Bonesnapper, Cardinal Sin, Jewcifer, Zog, Gor Gor, Johnny Rotten, Sandworm #10, Black Lantern Al Dogg, Caiera the Old Strong, Atlas, Magik, Kingdom Come Superman, Junkions #17 and 18, Black Lantern Black Adam and Separatist Commandos #1-5.

Let the battle begin. . .

The carnage around Metropolis can be seen by only five remaining combatants. Black Lantern Al Dogg stands above Flamebird, Nightwing, Phoenix: Jean Grey and Sersi. The four women are about to become his final victims of the match, solidifying one of the biggest upsets of the season. BL Al Dogg smiles. . .

B.L. Al Dogg: What, you don’t like the blunt? You gotta problem with the weed?

Four hours earlier. . .

Centennial Park. . .

BL Al Dogg flies through the streets and shouts at My State Farm Agent.

BL Al Dogg: Where were you before I died?!?!

My State Farm Agent: Where was I?!?! I wasn’t your neighbor so I wasn’t there!

BL Al Dogg: But I left President Palmer for you!!! I left the gecko for you!!! How could you!!!

An enraged BL Al Dogg does not allow My State Farm Agent to finish his next thought. BL Al Dogg uses his lantern ring to create a construct. The large black spear skewers the agent to the ground. My State Farm Agent dies, knowing that he failed to adequately serve one of his teammates and provide the insurance necessary for him to feel comfortable in his daily life.

BL Black Adam flies at BL Al Dogg. B.L.B.A. admonishes B.L.A.D. for killing one of his own teammates. B.L.A.D. flies away, enraged that BL Black Adam scolded him. B.L.A.D. soars toward Little Bohemia.

Little Bohemia. . .

B.L.A.D. notices a marijuana dispensary down the street; a smile creeps on his deadened face. After a few minutes in the store, B.L.A.D. crashes through the door outside to the streets with a cloud of the ganj’ following. B.L.A.D. is screaming in ecstasy as his black lantern body is engulfed with his life’s essence. He looks to the battlefield. B.L.A.D. will destroy all who stand before him, including his teammates. He will show the entire FFL that he is the ultimate power in the world created by Joshatu. No longer will Beckerllax be spoken of as memorialized terror. Beckerllax was but a chubby, stunted, pubic-haired punk! BLACK LANTERN AL DOGG WILL REIGN SUPREME! B.L.A.D. flies to Glenmorgan Square.

Glenmorgan Square. . .

B.L.A.D. comes upon Separatist Commandos #1-5. B.L.A.D.’s heightened abilities due to the ganj’, along with his black lantern powers, easily dispels with the entire Commando squad. He knows that he has just destroyed five of his own, but he does not care. B.L.A.D. flies through the square and across Topaz Lane.

Topaz Lane. . .

B.L.A.D. sees Johnny Rotten stumbling down the street. B.L.A.D. becomes enraged at the staggering of his teammate. Unlike himself where the drugs have made him an unstoppable force, the drugs have only made Rotten weak. Further, B.L.A.D. thinks to himself that there is only enough room for one “druggie” on the team. Rotten looks at a blank staring B.L.A.D.

Rotten: I’m not here for your amusement. You’re here for mine.

B.L.A.D.: You have it wrong Rotten. You have it wrong.

B.L.A.D. flies behind Rotten and breaks his neck. He looks down and sees Rotten with his eyes open, dead. B.L.A.D. flies away.

Bessolo Boulevard. . .

B.L.A.D. sees Junkions #17 and 18. The Transformers battle B.L.A.D. The black lantern uses his ring to move a huge freight truck and create a self-made battering ram. Although the Junkions manage to injure B.L.A.D.’s left leg, Dogg is ultimately successful in destroying his teammates. He knows that his team is now losing members that it cannot afford to, but with his super-strength, the Horsemen have no chance to win this match. B.L.A.D. sits down to rest for a second before his next skirmish arises.

Colyer Street. . .

B.L.A.D. finally sees an enemy from the other team- Lucius Malfoy. Malfoy discharges a spell, but B.L.A.D. is protected by his ring’s power. Immediately before Malfoy is able to cast another spell from his wand, B.L.A.D. creates a sword and pierces it through Malfoy’s chest. Malfoy crumples to the ground dead. B.L.A.D. smiles, realizing that he has actually killed from the other team now.

Coates Street. . .

B.L.A.D. sees Techno Destructo, Bozo Destructo, Bonesnapper, Cardinal Sin, Jewcifer, Zog and Gor Gor walk the street. They see B.L.A.D.

Techno Destructo: GWAR will SERVE the Master, or GWAR...WILL...DIE!!

B.L.A.D.: I am your master now!

B.L.A.D. flies from one Gwar reject to the other so swiftly, using his ring powers, which it looks like mirror images of himself are killing each combatant. B.L.A.D. looks at the littered bodies on the street and smiles

Sullivan Lane. . .

Sabretooth smells the air. He senses an enemy. B.L.A.D. steps out from his hiding place.

Sabretooth: Going to gut you boy.

B.L.A.D. comes upon Sabretooth. He saves himself from being disemboweled by using his lantern ring. As Sabretooth lashes out at him again, he uses the ring to form a whack-a-mole construct that crushes Sabretooth’s skull. Sabretooth falls to the ground; dead.

Centenniel Park. . .

The immense Sandworm #10 bursts from the park’s ground. B.L.A.D. uses all of his powers to a near diminishing point to obtain the upper hand on the Dune monster. Each time the Sandworm attempts to destroy B.L.A.D., the black lantern regenerates himself. Eventually, Sandworm #10 is destroyed. Now all will have to admire his true power due to the fact he defeated an entire Sandworm by himself.

LexCorp Tower Reality. . . The final melee. . .

Flamebird, Nightwing, Phoenix: Jean Grey, Black Lantern Original Sinestro, Star Sapphire #1, Jamie Madrox and Sersi battle against Caiera the Old Strong, Atlas, Magik, Kingdom Come Superman, and Black Lantern Black Adam. The legendary battle ultimately causes the near collapse of the building known as LexCorp Tower. At the end of the fight, Flamebird, Nightwing, Phoenix: Jean Grey and Sersi are the only combatants left standing. In flies B.L.A.D. to see the remaining Horsemen. They pound him through ten floors and into the ground beneath the porch-like structure in front of the tower. B.L.A.D. looks up at the female fearsome foursome. A look of realization comes to his face. . . a look of understanding. . . a look of sadness as he realizes all that has come before was but a figment of his imagination. . .

Glenmorgan Square Reality. . .

Separatist Commandos #1-5 move through the vehicles parked across the streets of Glenmorgan Square. One by one, the Commandos are seen being picked off from behind. They are grabbed from below, from atop, from the left and from the right. Separatist Commando #1 remains and notices a figure standing in front of him. Sabretooth has decimated the entire Commando squad by himself. Commando #1 manages to squeeze off one round that nicks Sabretooth. Now enraged, Sabretooth leaps at the soldier and with one swipe, disembowels Separatist Commando #1. As Sabretooth leaves the scene, B.L.A.D. lands next to the Commando bodies. B.L.A.D. smiles in his “enhanced” state; he has defeated the entire Commando squad on his own. B.L.A.D. then flies through the square and across Topaz Lane.

Topaz Lane Reality. . .

Johhny Rotten is stumbling down the street. Lucius Malfoy comes to the scene.

Rotten: Oy! What’s up laddie?!?! Could you spare a smoke?

Malfoy: The only one smoking will be you. Confringo!

The blasting curse causing Rotten’s coat to ignite. As he manages to put out the flames on his jacket, Malfoy whispers the killing curse-Avada Kedavra. Rotten dies with his eyes open. Malfoy walks away from the incident. B.L.A.D. flies to the scene and looks down and sees Rotten with his eyes open, dead. B.L.A.D. flies away.

Bessolo Boulevard Reality. . .

Junkions #17 and 18 are pummeled by the combined forces of Flamebird and Nightwing. The duo share in the use of a freight truck which they create into a battering ram. The shrapnel of the truck and Junkion #17 strikes B.L.A.D. in his left leg. Flamebird and Nightwing fly off, not noticing B.L.A.D. who believes he has just defeated Junkions #17 and 18. B.L.A.D., in turn, does not notice the women and sits down to rest for a second before his next skirmish arises.

Colyer Street Reality. . .

Malfoy walks down Colyer Street. Magik stands in the middle of the road, waiting for the wizard. Malfoy unleashes a spell which strikes Magik squarely in the chest. Her mystic armor protects the New Mutant and takes the brunt of the spell. Magik then uses her mutant ability to teleport next to Malfoy. Before Malfoy can raise his wand, Magik’s soulsword pierces his chest. Malfoy crumbles to the ground, dead. Magik then teleports away. B.L.A.D. comes to the scene and smiles, realizing that he has actually killed from the other team now.

Coates Street Reality. . .

Techno Destructo, Bozo Destructo, Bonesnapper, Cardinal Sin, Jewcifer, Zog and Gor Gor walk the street. Before they can react, Jamie Madrox, the multiple man, duplicates himself. In a matter of minutes, the self replicated copies kill each of the Gwar rejects. The duplicates then revert back to the original Madrox who moves away from the bodies lying in the road. B.L.A.D. flies upon the scene and shouts “I am your master now!” at the littered Gwar bodies on the street. B.L.A.D. then smiles

Sullivan Lane Reality. . .

Sabretooth smells the air. He senses an enemy. Caiera steps out from her hiding place.

Sabretooth: Going to gut you girl.

Sabretooth rushes at Caiera and unleashes his claws at her. Her body is transformed into near stone and thus, saves her from a sure disemboweling. Caiera then uses her strength, that matching the Hulk, to crush Sabretooth’s skull. Sabretooth falls to the ground; dead. B.L.A.D. arrives at the scene after Caiera leaves.

Centenniel Park Reality. . .

The immense Sandworm #10 bursts from the park’s ground. Due to the lack of sand, Sandworm #10’s strength is decreased exponentially. Although it causes some havoc on the statuary and foliage surrounding the area, it cannot focus its abilities. In reliance on this, Flamebird, Nightwing, Phoenix: Jean Grey, Black Lantern Original Sinestro, Star Sapphire #1 and Sersi come together and destroy the Dune beast. Pieces of the monster are scattered throughout the park. The Horsemen then fly away as B.L.A.D. comes upon the scene.

LexCorp Tower Reality. . . The final melee. . .

B.L.A.D.’s reality is now evident. He is no longer looking down at the four Horsemen, he is looking up. He lies in a pile of dirt and debris beneath what was once recognized as a porch. He whispers to himself.

B.L.A.D.: What, you don’t like the blunt? You gotta problem with the weed?

Flamebird: What did he say?

Nightwing: Does it really matter?

Jean Gray: No.

With these words, Sersi uses her cosmic powers to rip the black lantern ring off of BL Al Dogg. B.L.A.D. becomes one with the dirt that now surrounds him.

The Horsemen of Apokolips: Flamebird, Nightwing, Phoenix: Jean Grey and Sersi survive.

Griffin’s High Maintenance Dope Fiends and Destroyers: All dead.

THE HORSEMEN OF APOKOLIPS ARE VICTORIOUS!!!