Season 5, Week 3: George Washington's Slaves vs. Better Than All of You

“Raahr. Raahr. Raaahr.”
-Azrael the Cat

I look upon the teams which will do battle in this Season 5, Week 3 Match located in the Desert. They are as follows:

George Washington’s Slaves: Kol Skywalker, Shado Vao, Cassandra Nova (with Demon Rod), Juan Sanchez Villa Lobos Ramirez, Sandworms #15, #16, #17, #18, #19 and #20, and Azrael the Cat.

Better Than All of You: Father of Mortis, Daughter of Mortis, Son of Mortis, Space Godzilla, Blade with red lightsaber (from the Masters of the Universe movie), Granny Goodness, Female Furies: Gilotina, Lashina with Atlas Axe, Stompa with Heat Axe, Bernadeth with Halberd and Mad Harriet.

Let the battle begin. . .

Juan Sanchez Villa Lobos Ramirez (hereinafter “JSVLR”) sees the Female Furies and smiles. He brings his sword out from its scabbard.

JSVLR: I am Juan Sánchez Villa Lobos Ramírez, Chief metallurgist to King Charles V of Spain and I'm at your service.

Gilotina crouches down and slowly moves her hands in a combat stance. The swords of JSVLR and Gilotina dance. Due to the hundreds of years of practice before, JSVLR gains the upper hand and eventually manages to strike the swords out of Gilotina’s hands. He kicks her to the ground.

JSVLR: There is nothing better than a b@tch on the ground before me!

Just as JSVLR is about to thrust his sword into Gilotina, Lashina uses her electronically charged whips on the immortal. The whips grab JSVLR and the charge vibrates throughout his body. JSVLR screams and drops his sword. Kol Skywalker rushes to the scene and uses his lightsaber to slice through the whips. Lashina brings out her Atlas Axe, but is too late as the Jedi cuts her and her weapon in half. Blade comes to the fray and uses his lightsaber against Skywalker. The two fighter’s blades clash, but Kol gains the upper hand against the MOTU character. Just as Kol is about to kill his foe, Bernadeth throws her fahren knife at the Jedi. The knife strikes Skywalker in the chest and he shouts in agony as he burns from the inside out. Mad Harriet wields her energy claws at the enemy. She is about to lash out at JSVLR when she trips on Azrael the Cat, who walks behind her. As Mad Harriet is about to get up, Azrael hisses. The cat’s victory is short lived as Stompa crushes the animal beneath her boot. Stompa’s decimation of Azrael causes a seismic shift in the sands below. The sands explode upward around the combatants, blinding all parties.

The combatants gain their footing just in time for Sandworm #15 to burst from the ground. Space Godzilla focuses on Sandworm #15. Space Godzilla is joined by Son of Mortis and Daughter of Mortis in their doppelganger modes. The immense creatures combine their strengths with one another and manage to slowly tear apart the Dune inhabitant. Sandworm #15 bucks, but Godzilla deals the death blow and kills the beast. Thinking that their task is done with Sandworm #15, Son of Mortis and Daughter of Mortis transform into their humanoid forms. As they smile at one another, they are engulfed by Sandworms #16 and 17 and killed.

Granny Goodness sees JSVLR. JSVLR smiles at the old, ugly woman before him. Goodness races over to JSVLR and breaks his neck before he can make a snide remark. She then looks to Gilotina who exacts her revenge and slices his head off his body with her bear hands. Gilotina turns only to see her own head being taken from her body by Shado Vao’s lightsaber. Granny Goodness screams and rushes Vao. She is held in place as Cassandra Nova uses her telekinetic powers to grab hold of the Darkseidian elite member. Goodness is then cut in half by Vao while she is held in place by Nova.

Nova holds her demon rod in place while Vao has his lightsaber. They face the remaining Furies and Blade. Vao manages to kill Mad Harriet, but loses his life to Stompa’s heat axe and the combined weaponry of Bernadeth’s halberd and fahren knife. As Blade and the women approach Nova to complete their deadly task, Nova reaches out to beneath the sands. In a miraculous minute, the Sandworms strike at precisely the correct time and focused on the sole individuals above them. Nova levitates above the ground as Sandworms #16, 17 and 18 burst forth. Sandworm #16 engulfs Bernadeth, who loses her weapons (and life) in the effort. Sandworm #17 destroys Blade. Sandworm #18 kills Stompa before she can shift her feet.

Father of Mortis is now riding Space Godzilla. Nova lands on Sandworm #19. The two forces battle one another and through the Force and sheer brutality, they manage to destroy Sandworm #19. Nova lands on Sandworm #20 after the skirmish, who manages to finish the job, with the assistance of the remaining Sandworms.