The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets vs Better Than All of You

The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets are Mr. Mxyzptlk, Magneto, Mighty Mouse, Katma Tui, Pythona, Thundercracker, Stilgar, Aurra Sing, Fremen #52-56, Duncan Idaho, Aayla Secura & Jedi Padawan #35, X-23, Velociraptor #21-23, Beachcomber, Rogue, Smart Grimlock, &Alia Atreides (little girl version) & Nightsister Sith Witch in a land speeder.

Better Than All of You is Thanos, Green Lantern, Gandalf the White, Gwar: Oderus Urungus, Flattus Maximus, Balsac the Jaws of Death, Beefcake the Mighty, Jizmack da Gusha, Slymenstra Hymen, The Sexecutioner, & Sleazy P. Martini, Doc Holiday, Beachhead, Tomax & Xamot, John Rambo, Ghost Rider, The Terminator (from T-1), The Terminator (from T-2), The Four Horsemen: Ric Flair, Arn Anderson, Ole Anderson, & Tully Blanchard, The Rock, Stone Cold Steve Austin, RVD & Sabu, Triple H, Mephisto, Snake Eyes, Storm Shadow, Lex Luthor, Head Coach Cobra Commander, Gray Hulk, Black Suit Spider Man, Nick Fury, David Dunn, Loki & Bartleby, & Cobra Viper #1.

“I crush you as I would a fly. I kill you and I watch you die. Destroying all I find offending, devastation never ending,” sings Oderus Urungus as Better Than All of You sets their sights on fellow Nick Houslander Division team, The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets. The two Terminators are then ripped apart and turned into flying projectiles of death and they rip through The Sexicutioner, Tomax, Zamot, Cobra Viper #1 and Sleazy P. Martini. Magneto, the cause of this destruction, then flies into the air and pushes Head Coach Cobra Commander’s metal mask through his head, in an utterly disgusting fashion. Then there is a sonic boom overhead as Thundercracker screeches in and launches two drone cruise missiles that lock on and blow up Loki, Bartleby and Flattus Maximus. Green Lantern then shoots up into the sky after the Decepticon. He creates a green energy F-22 Raptor and engages Thundercracker. Several more sonic booms are heard as Green Lantern and Thundercracker both break the sound barrier. Hal Jordan locks on and fires green energy at Thundercracker. He then accelerates and finishes off the Decepticon jet. John Rambo, Beachhead, David Dunn and Doc Holiday are ambushed by the Stilgar led Fremen. The Fremen all pull their crysknife from their sheaths and attack in unison. Doc Holiday is the first to fall but not before he takes Fremen #55 with him. John Rambo squares off against Stilgar and even though he’s unaccustomed to Arrakis’s climate, he puts up a very good fight. But in the end it’s Stilgar’s experience that tips the scales. Well that and the fact that the really creepy little girl, Alia Atriedes, snuck up from behind and slit his throat. David Dunn proves to be harder to kill than originally thought, but he finally bleeds out after about three dozen crysknife stab wounds. Beachhead doesn’t go down without a fight, and shoots Fremen #52 and 56 before falling to the numbers game. Mr. Mxyzptlk then, because he feels it would be fun to watch, creates a big wrestling ring in the middle of the desert, right where the Fremen were standing. All of the wrestlers from Better Than All of You jump into the ring and start attacking the Fremen. Fremen #53 and 54 guts ole Anderson and Tully Blanchard, as The Rock give a Rock Bottom to Stilgar. Rob Van Dam then gives Stilgar a Five Star Frog Splash off the top rope. However, RVD grabs his stomach and writhes in pain. Stilgar was able to get his crysknife up in time and stuck it deep into RVD as he crashed down on top of him. Mephisto then shows up and uses his demonic magic to remove the wrestling ring, allowing the combatants to fight on the appropriate battlefield. “Oh no fair! You’re not any fun!” shout Mr. Mxyzptlk. Mephisto fires a blast of magic at the Fifth Dimension imp, but he disappears. Triple H then swings his trusty sledgehammer at Fremen #53, but Alia Atriedes stabs him in his left quadriceps. This brings Hunter down to his knees, allowing Alia to finish him off. (Seriously, this girl is creeping me out.) The Nightsister Sith Witch zips by in the land speeder, only to slow down for Alia to jump in, before they take back off. Mighty Mouse and Duncan Idaho run in and give some help to the Fremen. Duncan stabs Arn Anderson right in the heart, but is then chop blocked by Ric Flair. “Wooooo! Oh I feel good! It’s just like Bash at the Beach!” shouts the sixteen time World Champion. He then slaps a figure four-leg lock on Duncan. The Swordmaster of the Ginaz though, in terrible pain, reaches forward and slits Flair’s throat. Mighty Mouse simply flies into Sabu’s right ear and out his left. Stilgar and Fremen #53 and 54 now surround the Rock and Stone Cold. Stone Cold stares right at Stilgar and flips him off as The Rock motions at the Fremen to “just bring it.” And well, that’s exactly what they do as the sands of Arrakis is watered with the blood of the two WWE legends. Ghost Rider, hauls ass on his motorcycle, and whips his hellfire chain at the land speeder and wraps it around the rear turbine of the landspeeder. He yanks back on it and brings it to a halt. Snake Eyes leaps into the cockpit of the landspeeder and eviscerates the Nightsister Sith Witch. Alia Atreides is about to stab Snake Eyes in the back, but gets a shuriken in the face, courtesy of Storm Shadow. Aurra Sing, perched high up on a cliff, takes aim with her Fallann Hyper-Rifle and picks off Oderus Urungus. With their leader now dead, GWAR goes completely unhinged and rushes into battle. However, they bite off a little more than they can chew. Smart Grimlock stomps in and snaps down eating Beefcake the Mighty. He then transforms and blasts Jizmack da Gusha and Balsac the Jaws of Death with his double-barreled rocket launcher. Slymenstra Hymen is then crushed beneath Grimlock’s massive foot. Black Suit Spider-Man swings in and snares Beachcomber with his webbing, which allows Grey Hulk to leap in and smash his way to the Autobot’s spark. Nick Fury then finds himself surrounded by three Velociraptors. One pump fakes as another lungs at him. However Colonel Fury spins around and takes out all three of them with his MAC-10. Aayla Secura and her Jedi Padawan are then are attacked by Snake Eyes and Storm Shadow. The two ninjas give the Jedi a harder fight than they expected. Snake Eyes is able to run his kitana through Jedi Padawan #35’s chest, but Aayla Secura is able to best the ninjas in the end. Gandalf the White then enters the fray and hits Stilgar and the two Fremen with a blast of magic that disintegrates them. He then has his staff kicked out of his hands by Pythona. She slashes at his chest with her sharp nails. Gandalf pulls out Glamdring as cuts down the Cobra-La native. Thanos surveys the battlefield and decides it time for him to make an impact. He motions at Katma Tui with the Infinity Gauntlet and wipes her from existence. “Yoink,” Mr. Mxyzptlk says as he reappears out of nowhere and steals the Infinity Gauntlet. “Imp, you will rue the day you messed with Better Than All of You!” exclaims Thanos. Mxyzptlk disappears again. Magneto spots Ghost Rider and crushes his bike with his magnetism and then wraps it around the Spirit of Vengeance. Mephisto teleports up to the cliff where Aurra Sing and blasts her with his dark magic. Magneto spots this and launches X-23 right at Mephisto. The combination of X-23’s adamantium and Mephisto’s magic kills both combatants. Duncan Idaho’s life is then cut short by what can only be described as grievous head wound courtesy of Lex Luthor’s power suit. “Sugah, you really shouldn’t have done that,” says Rogue as she flies in and uppercuts Luthor. She grabs a hold of him and shoots high up into the air. Lex uses his suit to blast free of Rogue’s grip and hits her with an uppercut of his own. But Magneto flies up into the air and saves his one time lover by crushing Lex with his own suit. “Pathetic homo sapien,” says Magneto. Mighty Mouse zips quickly through the air, and is spotted by Grey Hulk. He snatches the super rodent out of the air and tosses him into his mouth as if he was an M&M. Mighty Mouse tries to keep Grey Hulk’s mouth open, but if just overpowered and eaten. Grey Hulk then lets out a loud burp. (Because just like in the movies, when that happens, it means that the person died. You listening Boba Fett??) Aayla Secura, Smart Grimlock, Rogue, and Magneto form up for their final push. But Better Than All of You isn’t out of it yet. Thanos, Grey Hulk, Black Suit Spider-Man, Colonel Nick Fury, Green Lantern and Gandalf the White regroup as well. Hal Jordan targets the big Dinobot first and fires a massive arc of green energy right at his face. Smart or not, the power from Green Lantern is too much to withstand. Magneto, however, doesn’t hesitate and before Smart Grimlock’s body hits the ground the launches it at Better Than All of you, crushing Nick Fury and Spider-Man. Aalya Secura is then attacked by Grey Hulk, but gets some help from Rogue. As Rogue lays lefts and rights on Banner, Aalya Secura comes up and plunges her lightsaber into his stomach. Thanos sets his eyes on Magneto, but is blindsided by Mr. Mxyzptlk who has reappeared and blasted him with some Fifth Dimension magic. “Imp, I told you would pay,” growls Thanos. “No Thanny, you said I would rude the day…or something like that,” Mxyzptlk quips back. Thanos is about to fire a huge energy blast when Mr. Mxyzptlk turns him into an action figure. “Sweet. This is going to fetch me a mint on E-Bay!” exclaims the Imp. Gandalf quickly retaliates and blasts Mxyzptlk with an enormous amount of magic and disintegrates him. Once again, Hal Jordan finds himself as one of the last members of Better Than All of You still alive. “Ok Gandalf. I’ve been here before, and I’ve seen a lot of good friend fall in this situations,” Hal gravely says to the White Wizard. “Not to worry Hal. If it’s our time then it’s our time. But make no mistake, when it is time, you will have seat on the boat to the Undying Lands,” Gandalf reassures Green Lantern. They both then charge like Paul Newman and Robert Redford do at the end of Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid. Unfortunately it ends the same way.

THE BROTHERHOOD OF EVIL MIDGETS IS VICTORIOUS!