Built Ford Tough vs Team Sleeping Pussy

Built Ford Tough is Sand Trooper #1-25, The Flaming Carrot, Wilt, Steve McQueen, Fantastic Max, FX, AB, Han Solo, Chewbacca, Indiana Jones, Beta Ray Bill, Ancient Sith Lord #8-13, Mandalorian #6-10, (book) Arachnid #1-12, Sardakaur #1, & Barry Sanders.

Team Sleeping Pussy is Cloak & Dagger, Giant Man, Shield Agent #1-10, Ka-Zar & Zabu, Mothra, Super Skrull, Kahn, Cyclops, Jean Grey, Ice-Man, Angel, Beast, War Skrull #1-5, Binary, Vision, Mr. Joshua, Compy #29-70, Female Sentinels #1 & 2.

Built Ford Tough is teleported to the desert planet of Arrakis and eager to get its first regular season win. However, that is easier said than done. Standing in their way is Team Sleeping Pussy who has an opportunity to string back-to-back wins this week. Han Solo and Indiana Jones order the 25 Sand Troopers to form a line in front of their forces. They also have the six Ancient Sith Lords, the five Mandalorians, and the twelve Arachnids join the Sand Troopers on the front line. The Ancient Sith Lords all almost simultaneously ignite their lightsabers as the other troops ready their guns. Chewbacca joins Beta Ray Bill at the peak of a sand dune and lets out a mighty roar as Beta Ray Bill calls down a lightning bolt from the sky. Han and Indy climb up to the peak as well. “Alright, men. I’m not any good at this speech-giving stuff. So all I’m gonna say is, lets show this team why we are BUILT FORD TOUGH!” says Han Solo. His team cheers after his words of encouragement. They then see a giant billowing sand cloud approaching them. “Urgg. I hate sand,” grumbles Sand Trooper #11. “Heh. Fine time to form that opinion. Could be worse though. We could be freezing our butts off on Hoth,” replies Sand Trooper #23. “Yeah, well I might rather be there right now. Look!” says Sand Trooper #11. As he points to the now dissipating sand cloud, the first one they see is Giant Man, the new big man on Team Sleeping Pussy, now that Master Mold is gone. Next they see the Original X-Men, led by Cyclops, who fires an optic blast that kills Wilt. “Hold! Hold that line!” shouts General Solo. Team Sleeping Pussy continues their march, with Mothra pulling up the rear. They get extremely close to Built Ford Tough’s front line, which is when Gen. Solo yells, “Now! Fire!” The Sand Troopers mow down all ten charging S.H.I.L.D. Agents in a haze of dust and laser blasts. Built Ford Tough’s Sand Troopers are then overwhelmed by 42 Compys. This allows Team Sleeping Pussy to break through and attack. “Uh guys, I kinda got a problem,” says a concerned Iceman. “There’s no moisture in this air.” Before any of his fellow X-Men can respond, the iceless Bobby Drake is shot and killed by Han Solo. Beast then leaps at Han Solo, only to be tackled by Chewbacca. They both start savagely beating each other, sending a mixture of blue and brown fur everywhere. Chewbacca looks like he has the upper hand and is about to rip the arms off of Hank McCoy, but Ka-Zar and Zabu jump in and save Beast. Ka-Zar drives his spear into Chewy’s shoulder and pins him to the ground as Zabu bites into the Wookie’s neck, killing him. As Ka-Zar pulls his spear out of Chewy, Indiana Jones uses his whip and snatches it out of Ka-Zar’s grasp. This then allows the Flaming Carrot to bounce in on his atomic pogo stick and wrap Ka-Zar’s head in silly putty, which suffocates the Savage Land native. Zabu lunges at Indiana, but at the last second he lifts Ka-Zar’s spear and plunges it into the saber tooth tiger, right before it lands on him. The Sand Troopers continue to fight of the Compys, already killing Compys #29-32, 41, 44-50 and 70. However Sand Troopers #2, 6 and 18 have been bitten too badly and die from the Compy venom. Giant Man then comes thundering in, stepping on Sand Trooper #10, Sardakaur #1, and even Compys #33-36. The 12 Arachnids, who start firing their weapons on the large Avenger, then attack him. Pym then slaps his massive hand down and squashes Arachnid #7-9. “These bugs are bugging me,” Giant Man mumbles to himself. The Arachnids start climbing all over him, firing their guns, as Giant Man crushes them one by one. He finally kills the last Arachnid, but topples over due to the blood loss from the bullet holes. Beta Ray Bill flies in and put Hank Pym out of his misery with a well placed hammer to the back of his head. The combined efforts of the Ancient Sith Lords, Mandalorians, and Sand Troopers are able to finish off the Compys, but loose Mandalorians #8 and 9, and Ancient Sith Lord #13 in the process. Super Skrull leads his team of War Skrulls who all have been altered with the powers of several members of Team Sleeping Pussy towards the Ancient Sith Lords. Super Skrull stretches his arm and wraps it around Ancient Sith Lord #8 and then torches him with his fire. War Skrull #1 uses his optic blasts (Cyclops) to knock the lightsaber out of Ancient Sith Lord #10’s hand and then uses his sonic scream (Banshee) to explode his head. War Skrull #2 and 3 are cut down quickly by Ancient Sith Lord #9 before they can use their powers. Super Skrull then turns invisible as Ancient Sith Lords #11 and 12 rush him. Ancient Sith Lord #12 is all of a sudden smashed into the sand by Super Skrull’s invisible rock fist. War Skrulls #1, 4 and 5 the slowly start closing in on the last two Ancient Sith Lords but are Force pushed away. War Skrull #5 is Force choked to death by Ancient Sith Lord #9. Binary and Vision both fly in and take out the Ancient Sith Lords with amazing efficiency. Barry Sanders then runs in and scoops up a lightsaber. He zigs and zags through the Skrulls, duck and dodging all of their attacks. He then amazingly cuts down both remaining War Skrulls and then decapitates Mr. Joshua, who probably didn’t even feel the pain involved with such an injury. (Obviously Barry Sanders has a high midi-chlorian count. No normal human can move the way he does.) Team Sleeping Pussy’s Field General Khan Noonien Singh orders his team to continue their assault on Built Ford Tough. Female Sentinels #1 and 2 take off and start blasting down at the Sand Troopers below. They take out Sand Troopers #1, 4, 5, 11-15, and 22-25. The three remaining Mandalorians, using their jetpacks, blast off after the Female Sentinels. They all land on Female Sentinel #1 and use their blasters to destroy the robot. It plummets to the ground, slamming into the sand, killing Sand Trooper #20 and 21 and Steve McQueen, who was really wishing he had a motorcycle or some sort of car at the time. The Mandalorians take off after Female Sentinel #2, but she incinerates Mandalorian #6 with her powerful laser blasts. General Solo orders the remaining Sand Troopers to concentrate all firepower on Female Sentinel #1. This draws the Sentinel’s attention; she blasts Sand Troopers #3, 16, 17, and 19. Beta Ray Bill who uses his hammer, Stormbringer, to send a lightning bolt right through her head, finally takes her down. The Mandalorians come flying in to attack the remaining X-Men, but Cloak (otherwise known to some in the FFL as Clock) appears out of nowhere and allows them to fly right into the “darkness dimension.” Dagger then throws several of her “light daggers” into the Flaming Carrot. Han Solo blasts her right between the eyes, which then sends Cloak over the edge. He screams in agony and unleashes his cloak, causing it to completely engulf Han Solo, an injured Beast and the remaining Sand Troopers. However at the last second, Indiana Jones flings his whip into the black abyss of Cloak and pulls Han Solo to safety. “Now I owe you one,” quips Han. Fantastic Max, F.X. and A.B. finally decide to get in the fight. “Dirty diapers!” exclaims Max. “Yes I see that Max, you’ve been rolling around in the sand this entire time,” A.B. fires back. Fantastic Max then pulls F.X.’s pull string on his back, which cause his antennas to spin around and F.X. shouts “Rock and Roll!” The ground begins to shake and then without warning a Sandworm comes exploding out of the sand. It jumps into the air swallows Angel, who was flying high above. It then comes crashing back down into the sand, taking Cloak with him. “When did we get a Sandworm?” asks a confused Han Solo. “When the hell did they get a Sandworm?!” shouts Khan. “They don’t. I’m sensing that it’s being created by that little child’s green alien friend,” replies Jean Grey. She then uses her telekinesis to grab F.X. and pull him in, allowing Khan to rip him in half. The Sandworm disappears. Vision then flies in and painlessly kills Fantastic Max and dismantles A.B. Han Solo, Indiana Jones and Barry Sanders then regroup and form behind Beta Ray Bill who stands firmly in front. Mothra takes flight towards then remaining members of Built Ford Tough, but is hit by a massive sandstorm created by Beta Ray Bill. Knowing that she is going to die soon, Mothra emits a yellow poisonous powder that covers the last members of Built Ford Tough. Barry Sanders tries to out run it, but eventually chokes to death from the powder. Mothra crashes into the sand and dies. Han Solo and Indiana Jones are having major difficulties breathing due to the poisonous powder. But regardless of that, they fight on. They are finally taken down by the combined efforts of Cyclops, Binary and Super Skrull. Beta Ray Bill in what is surely to go down as one of the most heroic last stands charges towards Team Sleeping Pussy and attacks them with a fury only known to the gods. He manages to crush Khan and Super Skrull, but Jean Grey’s psychic attack, coupled with Cyclops and Binary’s blasts are just too much for even him to withstand. Vision, comes up behind him and ends his suffering by phasing his hand into Bill’s head and causing an aneurysm.

TEAM SLEEPING PUSSY IS VICTORIOUS!