"Commando's Press Release"

Thursday, March 19, 2009

I know that everyone in this league is used to hearing from President Obama when it comes to the "Commando's". He gives off a warm feeling of hope and togetherness that I happen to not fall in line with. When I was brought onto to this team, I was told it was to bring a sense of "Toughness" to the Commandos. I was brought here to make this team the pride of the NL and what do I get in return, possibly the most embarrassing performance in the history of this league. I don't care if TEAM are the defending champs and I also don't care what are record is. All I keep hearing around team headquarters is how we are still 3-1 and in first place. My only response to this is that "Pop Superstar" Hannah Montana and President Barack Obama's "Best of Both World's" Touring Battalion of Commando's are the worst 3-1 team in the history of this league.

Now our head coach did not want me to broadcast this around the league and he most definitely did not want me to name names, but in order for me to make some changes around here, I am going to have to go against his wishes. First things first, our number one draft pick for 2009 was Rodimus Prime. Barack and I did not exactly see eye to eye on this pick but I trusted his judgement. We decided to give him some time to get used to the team by letting him sit the beginning of the season. We thought this would give him time to train and prepare for the upcoming season. Instead it made him soft. In his first match ever, he loses to an opponent that he has defeated once in his past. It was a disgraceful first match for a number one draft pick, one that I will not soon let him forget.

It is obvious to me that we just were not in the mood to fight this past week and no one on the team showed that more than Paralax, Willow Rosenberg and Luna Lovegood. The three of you did not even try. All three of you died without a fight. I have seen good things from Paralax so far this season, but evidently you decided not to show for this match. Ms. Rosenberg, I have heard that you are a great witch, one with the ability to fly and heal others. To me it looked like you are good at one thing: Dying. Ms. Lovegood, you may be young, but that is no excuse for your lack of effort.

Bashar Miles Tieg: Your Ghola proved that you are not useless, I wish I could say the same for you. The same goes for Paul Atreides Ghola and Judah Ben Hur. I had heard the best place for you was in the desert, in my opinion, the best for the both you is on the bench. I would like to say thanks to Dr. Grant and Bryan Beckerman though: Thanks for wasting two of our vehicles this week.

Black Adam: Though I appreciate your effort this week, if you ever talk back to Albus again, I will kill you myself.

I think it is sad that the only person on this team I am proud of this week is a teenage witch. Ginny Weasley showed courage this week by taking on three Transformers at the same time. Though she did not win this fight, she showed everyone that she will never back down to anyone. That is the sort of attitude I am looking for and instead of benching those who failed me this week, I instead will show them how it is done. I will join my team in space this week against the very dangerous "Xavier's Annihilation Squad". We are going to need the best effort out of everyone if we are to even have a chance at victory this week.

President Obama's era of soft peddling the "Commando's" is over. It is time someone with some actual experience with true power takes control.

-Dr. Victor von Doom