Le' Napoleon Brigade vs. The Syracuse Valley

I have been appointed by my brethren Joshatu and Ryatu to watch the following Year 2, Week 4 Match: Le' Napoleon Brigade vs. The Syracuse Valley.

Before the match, I enter the sandy locker room of Le’Napoleon Brigade. Le' Napoleon Brigade is Obi Wan Kenobi, Atreides Soldiers #1-10, Wonder Woman, Wonder Girl, Army Soldiers #101-102, Allia Atreides (adult), Silver Dragons #1-3, Princess Leia (E.U. Jedi), Bo Jackson, Poison Ivy, Lara Croft, Duncan Idaho Mentat Ghola #12 (Kwisatz Haderach), Allia Atreides Ghola (child), Hecate, John McClane, Alan Scott, Guy Gardner (with yellow ring), Aragorn, Arwen Evenstar, Horses #26-31, Princess Ororo (Amazon), Anakin Solo and Velociraptors #31-36.

Bo Jackson: Bo don’t do losing!

Lara Croft: I’m looking for the first kill this time!

John McClane: Not if I’m first.

I then enter the locker room for the Syracuse Valley. The Syracuse Valley is The Syracuse Valley is Soundwave with Overkill, Slugfest, Squawktalk, Beastbox, (movie) Frenzy, (movie) Megatron, (movie) Starscream, (movie) Jazz, Darth Maul, Sith Lord #4 (Darth Rave), Casey Jones, Sonic the Hedgehog, Knuckles, Bossk, Dash Rendar and Leebo in an AT-ST, Raiden with Kid Thunder, Shang Tsung, Alien Xenomorphs #85-90, Nightcrawler, Baby Nightcrawler, Nocturne, Wald, Fire Bros. #1-6, Venom, Guile, Wingnut and Screwloose, Scooter, Crasher, Treasure Troll #5, Jedi Guardian #3 with Jedi Padawan #37, Hammer Bros. #1 & 2, Rob Bartlett, and Little Goombas #2 & 3.

Treasure Troll #5: Time for us little guys to kick some butt!

Megatron: Is everyone ready to enter battle?

Venom: I know I am ready to rip some limbs apart!

Bossk: Raargh! Ruurghugh! Ruummgh! [Translation: Wait! My shoes! My shoes!!! I can’t enter into battle without my shoes!]

I teleport the teams to the sandy battlefield (except for one). The battle commences. . . .

Rob Bartlett looks upon the Brigade and scowls at their presence.

Bartlett: Brigade! You will all die today! In fact, I will kill at least. . . [Bartlett’s head explodes as both bullets from Lara Croft and John McClane rip through his skull].

McClane: Yippee Kayay, Mother@&$#@r!

Croft: What a p@$$y!

McClane: Looks like we both get the first kill.

The dinosaurs are the next to take the field. Velociraptors #31-36 use their quick speed to reach Alien Xenomorphs #85-90. It is a vicious battle between the monsters. The Xenomorphs manage to kill Velociraptors #31-34. The Velociraptors manage to kill Xenomorphs # 88-90. Squawkbox (the combined Beastbox and Squawktalk gestalt) comes upon the scene and wreaks both sonic and audio havoc on the battlefield. Raptors #35 and 36 cannot take this sensory overload and run away. Squawkbox then becomes the Transformer gorilla Beastbox and parrot Squawktalk. The Transformers chase Velociraptors #35-36. Just as the Transformers are about to reach the dinosaurs, Anakin Solo, lightsaber ignited, slashes through both. Squawktalk and Beastbox are destroyed. Xenomorphs # 85-87 run away from the fight with Solo.

Hammer Brothers #1-2 and Little Goombas #2 and 3 face off against Bo Jackson.

Jackson: I played two sports. You little creatures have no chance.

In response to this insult, Goombas #2 and 3 rush at Jackson. The little video-ites bite him repeatedly; blood flows from his wounds. Hammer Brothers #1 and #2 then finish the job started by the Little Goombas by striking Jackson repeatedly in the skull with their hammers. The Goombas and Hammers are ecstatic at actually having defeated a member of the Brigade.

Seeing their diminutive brethren defeat Jackson, puts Sonic the Hedgehog, Knuckles the Echidna, Wald and Treasure Troll #5 in a frenzy. The miniatures are ready for action! They see Velociraptors #35 and #36 begin to race by. Noticing the small Valley members and believing they are easy prey, the Velociraptors attack. They are quick to dispatch Wald and Treasure Troll #5. Sonic begins to run away and the Raptors pursue the hedgehog. Velociraptor #36 begins to tire and stops. Knuckles comes up behind the Raptor and strikes him repeatedly with his spiky hands. Hammer Brother #1 and Goomba #2 join Knuckles in his beating of the dinosaur; Raptor #36 dies. Velociraptor #35, lets out a feral growl, attacks and manages to kill both Goomba #3 and Hammer Brother #2. Sonic comes back and with the help of Knuckles, Hammer Brother #1 and Goomba #2 kills Raptor #35. All Velociraptors are now dead.

Having defeated so many of the Brigade, the small Valley teammates are going wild. They see Horses #28-31 now approaching. The Valley savors another defeat of the Brigade members. Horses #28-31 succumb to the sheer number of little beasts and die. Horses #26 and #27, unbeknownst to the little beasts, are ridden by Aragorn and Arwen Evenstar. It is too late before the Valley members pay attention. With swords drawn, both Aragorn and Arwen lop off the heads of Sonic, Knuckles, Hammer Brother #1 and Goomba #2 – a fitting and final death for these characters.

As Aragorn and Arwen ride their horses they are confronted by Dash Rendar and Leebo in an AT-ST. The AT-ST’s laser fire kills both horses #26 and 27; Aragorn and Arwen are thrown from their steeds. Both Aragorn and Arwen raise their swords to face the AT-ST. Knowing the odds are against the Tolkien heroes, Army Soldiers #101-102 attempt to help their comrades. The soldiers’ attempt fails as they are blasted immediately. Aragorn and Arwen run behind the vehicle. As the AT-ST turns around it does not realize that a golden lasso has been tied around its’ legs. The AT-ST trips and crashes to the ground. Dash and Leebo manage to escape the Imperial walker. As they come from the vehicle’s head, they see Aragorn and Arwen, swords ready. Dash, blasters in both hands, fires and kills both Aragorn and Arwen. Dash and Leebo jump from the AT-ST and are faced by Obi Wan Kenobi and Anakin Solo. Both Obi Wan and Anakin manage to divert Dash’s shots. Obi Wan manages to strike Dash down, while Anakin slices Leebo in half.

Raiden with Kid Thunder, Shang Tsung and Guile come upon the smoking AT-ST remains and see Obi Wan and Anakin Solo. Both Raiden and Shang Tsung use their mortal combat abilities to strike Anakin. The sorcerer’s power of Tsung and lightning of Raiden course through Anakin, bringing the young Jedi to his knees. Kid Thunder rushes at Anakin. Anakin, although hurt, is not dead. Only sensing Kid through the Force, Anakin turns and impales Kid upon his lightsaber.

Kid Thunder: Raiden. Avenge me!

Raiden amplifies his power with Shang Tsung’s abilities and the duo’s powers rip through Anakin. Anakin, nearly unconscious, notices Guile rushing at him. Before Guile reaches him, Obi Wan strikes the Street Fighter character with his lightsaber. Guile dies. Obi Wan then manages to use his lightsaber and avert the projections coming Anakin’s way. Slashing back and forth Obi Wan is able to deflect the lightning and sorcery back at their creators. Obi Wan comes upon both Raiden and Shang Tsung and strikes them both down. Anakin, hurt, loses consciousness.

Obi Wan begins to move back to his teammate when he sees Darth Maul, Sith Lord #4 (Darth Rave), and Jedi Guardian #3 with Jedi Padawan #37. Although the skills of Obi Wan manage to kill both Jedi Guardian #3 and Jedi Padwan #37 rather quickly, he is unable to finish the two Sith. With Anakin unconscious, he knows that he must face these two alone. Darth Rave and Darth Maul repeatedly strike at Obi Wan with their sabers. Obi Wan manages to deflect the blows repeatedly, but soon tires due to the unrelenting fury of the Sith. Rave manages to cut Obi Wan’s arm off. Obi Wan screams and Maul smiles. Maul walks up to the Jedi and kills him by slicing him in half.

Maul: Payback is a b%&ch!!!

Obi Wan’s spectral form approaches Anakin: The force will be with you. . . always. . ..

Anakin, hearing these words, slowly gets up and comes face to face with Venom. Venom smiles.

Venom: Me like fresh meat.

Venom rips Anakin’s arms off; Anakin bleeds to death.

Alan Scott and Guy Gardner see the alien symbiote and use their rings, together, to pummel Venom. Venom repeatedly takes the blows and laughs. Venom knows that the Lanterns really have to increase their game. They do. Both Scott and Gardner take turns picking Venom up with their ring’s powers, carrying him in the sky and dropping him to the sandy ground below. Each time Venom smashes to the ground he swallows more and more sand. Eventually, there is a sandy crater where Venom has repeatedly struck. Venom, coughing sand, knows that it will be over soon. Gardner and Scott, together, use their powers to carry Venom far up in the sky. Venom plummets to the ground one last time. His body enters the sand and exhausted at the beating he has taken, suffocates and dies.

Scott and Gardner begin to fly away and are met by Megatron (movie) and Starscream (movie). The Lanterns are no match for the flight abilities of the Decepticons. Although both Scott and Gardner attempt to battle the cybertronian jets, their rings do not allow them enough time to adapt to the moves and weapons of the fighting machines. Megatron manages to kill Gardner and Starscream manages to kill Scott.

Croft and McClane smile at one another as they see Baby Nightcrawler in front of them. Baby Nightcrawler is making sand castles. Croft and McClane have no qualms about using their “upper hand” to kill the young superhero. Just as they raise their weapons, Nightcrawler and Nocturne teleport behind Croft and McClane and smash their heads together. Croft and McLane are unconscious. Fire Brothers #1-6 decide to use this to their advantage and begin to repeatedly throw fire balls at the two unconscious heroes. Once on fire, they get up, in flames. The Fire Brothers continue to shoot fire balls at the two. Jazz and Crasher come upon the scene and although currently in robot mode, quickly transform to their vehicle modes. Their tires trudge through the sand and run the two humans over – again and again. Croft and McLane are dead by the Transformer/Go-Bot duo.

Silver Dragons #1-3 then trounce upon the battlefield. Although sluggish because they are used to colder climates, they are a formidable match for the Valley Team. All Silver Dragons, in unison, use their cold cone breaths, to freeze and kill Fire Brothers #1-6. The dragons then focus on Jazz and Crasher. Before they can convert to robot mode again, which is a more reasonable form to battle the Dragons, the Dragons freeze them. Jazz and Crasher are frozen and then destroyed by the beasts. Scooter comes upon the scene, believing he can help his teammates. Scooter is wrong. The Dragons manage to destroy the Go-Bot inventor easily. Thus, three dragons have taken out Fire Brothers #1-6, Jazz, Crasher and Scooter. Megatron and Starscream will not allow these foul beasts to conquer their kind so easily. They use all of their weaponry, while averting their breaths, to kill Silver Dragons #2-3. Overkill comes upon the scene and in Dinosaur-mode, uses his jaws to crush the neck of Silver Dragon #1 who dies, a fitting final death.

Across the battlefield, Xenomorphs #85-87 are running. Princess Leia (E.U), Wonder Woman and Wonder Girl meet the alien predators. The Xenomorphs believe that the women are easy prey. They are wrong.

Leia: Which one do you have?

Wonder Woman: Xeno # 86. You?

Leia: Xeno # 87.

Wonder Girl: Good. That leaves me with # 85. That means I have the opportunity to put this one is the grave for good!

The women clash with the Alien Xenomorphs. Wonder Woman lassos Xeno #86 and strangles the beast with her rope. Leia uses her Jedi abilities to quickly dispatch of Xeno # 87. Wonder Girl gets a hold of the Xenomorph #85 and repeatedly strikes it. The Xenomorph is near death and on the ground. Poisin Ivy comes upon the scene.

Ivy: Ladies, may I please have the honor?

Wonder Girl, Wonder Woman and Leia (in unison): Of course.

Ivy uses her body to toxify Xenomorph #85. Xeno #85 dies its final death. . .

The women travel together and see Casey Jones.

Casey Jones although believing he is outmatched, still shouts his war cry into battle.

Jones: Goongala!

Jones rushes at Leia with his hockey stick. Leia does a force leap over Jones and while in mid-air slices Jones in two

Princess Ororo joins her female teammates. She flies in the air and uses her weather manipulation skills to create a sandstorm. The Valley team is blinded. Instead of the women, out from the sandstorm rushes the Dune inhabitants. Atreides Soldiers #1-10, Allia Atreides (adult), Duncan Idaho Mentat Ghola #12 (Kwisatz Haderach), Hecate (cymek) and Allia Atreides Ghola (child), who are all used to the storms of Arrakis, rush out of the blinding curtain caused by Ororo.

The Dune warriors are met by Darth Maul and Darth Rave. Maul and Rave easily cut down Atreides Soliders # 1-2, 8-10. Allia Atreides (adult), Duncan Idaho Mentat Ghola #12 and Allia Atreides Ghola (child) swarm upon Darth Rave. The battle is fierce and Rave manages to kill both Allias, who although strong and acclimated to the Dune planet, are no match for the vicious Sith Rave. Seeing their kinmates killed by Rave, Duncan Idaho Ghola and Hecate manage to kill Rave. Maul, in retribution, then kills Duncan Idaho Ghola. The bloodthirsty Hecate then comes at Maul. Maul’s lightsaber manages to damage Hecate. Nonetheless, the cymek overcomes the battle scars and kills Maul. Nocturne and Nightcrawler teleport repeatedly, striking Hecate over and over again. The cyborg is strong, but he is not strong enough to stop the repeated blows. As the cymek hits the ground, it fails to notice the final death blow was given by Overkill’s jaws.

Wonder Woman, Poisin Ivy, Wonder Girl, Ororo, and Leia come upon the combatants. They easily kill the remaining Atreides Soliders #3-7. Leia uses her force abilities to locate Nocturne and Nightcrawler. Ororo and Wonder Woman use their lassos to snag and bind the teleporters. Wonder Girl and Poisin Ivy kill them. Wingnut & Screwloose then jump into the fray. The alien bat (Wingnut) and alien mosquito (Screwloose) from the planet Huanu fight valiantly, but are no match for the women. They fall with their comrades.

The Brigade’s five women meet Soundwave, Overkill, Slugfest, Frenzy, Megatron and Starscream. Frenzy is easily taken out by Leia with her lightsaber. Poisin Ivy’s powers are useless on the robots and there is no plant life around for her to utilize. Thus, Overkill quickly kills her in its jaws. Soundwave uses its ability to read the minds of the women and transmits this information to his teammates. Using this information, Slugfest, in dino-mode uses its stegosaurus tail to strike Leia. Leia manages to cut into the tail, but does not see Megatron and its weapons. Leia is killed. Ororo, Wonder Woman and Wonder Girl all manage to destroy the damaged Slugfest. Megatron, Starscream and Overkill, though, are too much for the remaining women. Although the women manage to destroy Soundwave, Wonder Woman, Wonder Girl and Ororo are eventually bested and killed by the Transformers.

Megatron picks up Baby Nightcrawler and enters into the locker room with the other Transformers. There Megatron, Starscream and Overkill see Bossk.

Bossk: Raarghugh! Oomphaaay! Raaaurgh! Raaarguuggh! [Translation: What the hell?!?! You all stormed off into battle without me! It wasn’t my fault that I couldn’t find my shoes!!! How rude!!!] [SHOUT OUT TO ROBOT CHICKEN STAR WARS SPECIAL 2!!!!]

Brigade: All dead.
Valley: Megatron, Starscream, Overkill, Baby Nightcrawler and Bossk alive.

THE SYRACUSE VALLEY IS VICTORIOUS!!!!