Season 8, Week 3 Match: The Empire vs. Traveling Sisterhood of Evil Midgets

“So it's gonna be forever,
Or it's gonna go down in flames;
You can tell me when it's over,
If the high was worth the pain.”

                                    “Blank Space,” Taylor Swift

I look upon the teams which will do battle in this Season 8, Week 3 Match located in the Section Z gaming area.  They are as follows:

The Empire: Darth Vegetariano, Darth Barren, Bill O’Reilly with zapper and proton pack, Mike Huckabee with green lantern ring, Bill Kelly Dark Jedi Master with blue lightsaber, energy bow and arrow and plumb hammer, Eugene “Butch” Aaron Griswold with trusty estwing hammer, Sorceress of Castle Grey Skull with indigo lantern ring, Magius, Justice Force: Ananda with two green lightsabers, Justice Force: Nobody with green lightsaber, Justice Force: Green Mantle with yellow lantern ring, Justice Force: Boomerang, El Blanco, Catarine Towani with pokeball jigglypuff, Jeremitt Towani with laser sword, Mace Towani with laser gun, Cindel Towani with star wand, Eomer, Abe Sapien, Gorax, Kon-Shisho, Judo-Shisho, Chikara-Shisho, Hisomi Shisho, The Revanchist, Chris Benoit with bottle of Xanax, Saurod, Teddy Tear, Jedi Masters 28A-31A and Ninjas 5-10.

Traveling Sisterhood of Evil Midgets: Amanita, Gk’d, Tri-Eye, Bleez, Green Lantern 3, Mouse Voltron, Adi Gallia with blue lantern ring, Even Piel with green lantern ring, Zufa Cenva with white lantern ring in Pre-Guild Foldspace ship, Nazgul 9 with indigo lantern ring on Nazgul 9 Mordor horse, Queen Aga’Po, Wicked Witch of East with Larfleeze’s orange lantern ring, Black Lantern Matt Oblak, Black Lantern Teresa Oblak, Air Zonk, Power Dump, Astra, Sky Lynx: Dino bird and lynx, Star Wolf with laser sword, laser gun and pokeball in Z-95 Headhunter with R2 unit 4, Bizarro Mxyzpltk, Air Zimmell, Jedi Masters 42-49 and Starship Troopers 96-97 in Pre-Guild Foldspace ship. 

Let the battle begin. . .

Section A. . .

Chris Benoit sits huddled in a corner of the piping with his bottle of Xanax.

Section C. . .

Air Zimmell floats through the scrolling tunnels.  Air Zimmell hears a guttural laugh echo in the area surrounding him. 

Saurod:  I have tracked you my friend.  There is no escape from this Evil Warrior! 

Air Zimmell locates the area from which Saurod’s voice emanates and speeds away from the lizard man.  What Air Zimmel fails to realize is that Saurod’s plan has worked.  Air Zimmel flies into Section D where the Gorax waits.  The Endor monster grabs Air Zimmell and pulls his arms apart from his sockets.  The beast smacks Zimmell with his own appendages, crushing his skull.  The Gorax howls.  

Section K. . .

Catarine Towani, Jeremitt Towani, Mace Towani and Cindel Towani face Black Lanterns Matt and Teresa Oblak.  Jeremitt lunges with his laser sword at BL Matt Oblak, but fails to slice the ring of the undead’s finger.  As Jeremitt Towani flails by,  Matt rips the heart out of his chest.  BL Matt sinks his teeth into Jeremitt Towani’s still beating heart, blood gushing down his smiling face.  Mace reacts to his father’s death and releases a well placed laser bolt from his gun, blasting off the finger of BL Matt Oblak, who shrivels into dust.

BL Teresa Oblak: My love!

BL Teresa Oblak savagely reacts at the death of her love and kills Catarine Towani before she can use the Jigglypuff pokeball.  The black lantern then turns to the young Cindel Towani, who anxiously points a star wand at Teresa.  Mace throws himself between the black lantern and his sister to no avail as BL Teresa batters the young man away.  Before BL Teresa can finish the Towani girl, she is killed by the Revanchist.  The Revanchist looks down at the orphaned Towanis and takes both Mace and Cindel into his arms.

Section S. . .

Section S hears screeches as a huge “cat” fight is on hand.  The Sorceress of Castle Grey Skull wields her indigo lantern ring against the combined Midget madams of mayhem - Queen Aga’Po, the Wicked Witch of the East and Zufa Cenva, who jumped from her spot on the Pre-Guild Foldspace Ship.  Queen Aga’Po shoots a variety of projectiles at the Sorceress of Castle Grey Skull, who batters them away with her powers.  The Sorceress then deflects a spell cast by the Wicked Witch of the East at a large pipe above the Ozian.  The pipe crashes down on the Witch, who fails to use Larfleeze’s ring in time, crushing her beneath it.  The combined efforts of Cenva and Aga’Po are too much for the Sorceress from Grey Skull who eventually succumbs to her fate, notwithstanding her indigo lantern ring. 

Section A. . .

Chris Benoit remains huddled in the corner with his bottle of Xanax.

Section U. . .

The Pre-Guild Foldspace ship docks with Section U of the battle arena.  Darth Vegetariano, Darth Barren and Bill Kelly - Dark Jedi Master await for the inhabitants to empty from the ship and into the fold.  Bill Kelly deflects Starship Troopers 96 and 97’s bolts with his blue lightsaber back at the space marines, who are sent to the Graveyard.  Bill then uses his energy bow and arrows against Jedi Masters 42-49, who easily deflect the projectiles.  Next, Bill throws his plumb hammer, striking Jedi Master 43, killing her instantly.  Kelly then combines forces with Vegetariano and Barren, killing the remaining Jedi Masters 42, 44-49.  Although his fighting skills are legendary, Kelly is sliced in half by the superior style of Piel’s lightsaber tactics and green lantern ring.  Barren is killed by Adia Gallia, but Gallia falls to Vegetariano.  Just before Piel himself is destroyed by Vegetariano, the Jedi Master is whisked off to safety by Green Lantern 3.

Section N. . .

Jedi Masters 28A-31A and Ninjas 5-10 join Eomer, Eugene “Butch” Aaron Griswold and Abe Sapien as the cavalcade swarms Amanita, Gk’d, Tri-Eye and Bleez.  Jedi Masters 28A-31A focus on Gk’d, who is pushed back into a tube.  A huge belch is heard and the ugly head of El Blanco shows itself, spitting out a green lantern uniform and ring. Tri-Eye and Bleez focus their ring powers against El Blanco and crush the worm within its lair.  A deafening screech is heard as Nazgul 9 rides his Mordor horse into battle, both encased in the protective shield of the indigo lantern ring.  The Midgets’ ring powers overwhelm the Empire’s forces.   Eomer is killed by Tri-Eye. Abe Sapien is killed by Bleez. Griswold strikes Horse 9’s leg with his hammer, but is stomped on by the remaining hoof, disorienting the man, who is then skewered by Nazgul 9.   Jedi Masters 28A-31A and Ninjas 5-10 retreat into another section of the piping system.

Section P. . .

Bill O’Reilly and Mike Huckabee both stand together, facing Astra, Air Zonk and Power Dump.  Bill O’Reilly immediately focuses on Air Zonk with his zapper and just barely misses the robotic hybrid.  Meanwhile, Mike Huckabee uses his green lantern ring to shield himself from Astra and Power Dump.  Unfortunately, while he is focused on the duo, Sky Lynx comes upon the scene and the dino-bird and lynx amalgamations unleash themselves upon the former governor of Arkansas.  Huckabee is killed.  O’Reilly is not far behind as he meets his fate by Astra, although the pundit decimates Power Dump, sending him to the Graveyard forever.  Saurod and the Gorax arrive at the scene.  Mouse Voltron joins the fray only to be destroyed by Saurod’s laser mouth.  Zonk is ripped apart by the loathsome Gorax.

Section A. . .

Chris Benoit sucks on the Xanax bottle and barely notices as a ship crashes through the tubing to which he sits.  Benoit is sucked out into space and his head pops off his body.  The ship is a well-timed Z-95 headhunter with Star Wolf at the helm.  Unfortunately, R2 Unit 4 is lost in the metallic carnage.   As Star Wolf races from his vehicle, laser sword and gun in each hand with his pokeball at the ready, he is met by Magius and Teddy Tear.  Although Star Wolf manages to sear Teddy Tear, Magius uses his incredible magic powers to destroy the animorph. 

Section X. . .

The Midget lanterns come together, waiting for the Empire minions to arrive.  Tri-Eye, Bleez, GL 3, Even Piel, Zufa Cenva, Nazgul 9 and his horse, with Queen Aga’Po face the entire Justice Force.  A spectrum of colored rings is seen throughout the course of the battle as projectiles and shields emanate from the Midgets, while the sheer power of the Empire is displayed.  Nazgul 9’s horse is sliced in half by Justice Force’s Ananda, whom is taken out by the steed’s rider, Nazgul 9.  Nazgul 9’s ring crashes with the powers of Green Mantle’s yellow ring, but Nazgul 9 is eventually destroyed when Boomerang lends a hand to his teammate.   Boomerang’s victory is short lived though as the Empire character is taken out by Zufa Cenva’s combined sorcery and white lantern ring.  Green Mantle and Nobody take out Green Lantern 3, but die at the hands of Tri-Eye (Green Mantle) and Bleez (Nobody). 

Section M. . .

Jedi Masters 28A-31A and Ninjas 5-10 regroup.

Jedi Master 28A:  The final battle shall commence shortly.  I feel it in the Force.

Jedi Master 30A unexpectedly releases gas.

Jedi Master 31A:  I felt that Force, Masters!

As Ninja 6 cracks a smile beneath his cowl, Ninja 8 notices a warped character floating in space.  In an instant, Jedi Master 28A-31A and Ninjas 5-10 are ripped apart by Bizarro Mxyzpltk.

Section Z. . .

Amanita, Tri-Eye, Bleez, Piel, Cenva, Aga’Po, Astra and Sky Lynx face off against Darth Vegetariano, Magius, the Towanis, Gorax, the Revanchist and Saurod.  Magius spars with Astra, but gains the upper hand and the Midget is encased in flames, snuffing the life from her.  The Gorax attempts to stand in defense of both Mace and Cindel Towani, but without success.  The Dino-bird portion of the Transformer races toward Cindel and tears her apart.  The Gorax reaches the Transformer and both its brute strength and Mace’s laser gun finish the Midget.  The Revanchist destroys the lynx portion of the Transformer.  Saurod falls to Amanita, while the Gorax dies due to the combined effort of Tri-Eye and Bleez.  Mace Towani attempts to shoot Queen Aga’Po to no avail as her ring protects her.  The Zamaron then crushes Mace Towani with a well placed projectile.  Magius then is killed by Zufa Cenva. 

The odds do no fare well for the Empire as Vegetariano and the Revanchist face the overwhelming Midgets and their rings.  Before hope is lost, Kon-Shisho, Judo-Shisho, Chikara-Shisho and Hisomi Shisho join Vegetariano and the Revanchist.  Like clockwork, the Ninja Tribunal utilizes both their mastery of weapons and powers to dispel with the Midgets.  Amanita is killed by Judo-Shisho;  Tri-Eye is killed by Hisomi-Shisho;  Bleez is killed by Chikara-Shisho; and Queen Aga’Po is killed by Judo-Shisho.  In response, Piel and Cenva manage to take out Vegetariano.  Bizarro Mxypltk enters the fray and the piping system and its entire reality is warped and bended to the diminutive figure’s needs.  Mxyzpltk destroys the Revanchist, Judo, Chikara and Hisomi-Shisho, but not without losing Piel (killed by Chikara) and Cenva (killed by Judo and Hisomi) in the process.     

Bizarro Mxypltk cackles at the carnage surrounding the scene.  A spirit behind Mxypltk materializes into a dragon, crushing the figure.  Kon-Shisho transforms back into his true human warrior form.  No sound remains within the Section as Kon-Shisho strides down the tube.