The Empire's Turrible Decisions Vs. George Washington's Super Kitties

Layanderlet’s Super Orange Kitties and Cats Living Together to Make a New Family are Mr. Freeze, Yoda’s Spirit (w/ white lantern ring), Hot Spot, Lockdown, Red Hulk, Ice Bros. #1, Ewok #52-53, and Jedi Master #18A-27A.

Charles Barkley’s Turrible Decisions are Giant Hammer Bros. #8-10, Fire Bros. #10, Boomerang Bros. #5-10, Zartan, Ripper, Buzzer, Monkey Wrench, and Torch, Thundarr the Barbarian (w/ Heat Axe), Princess Ariel (W/ Demon Rod), Pete Sosa: Dark Jedi (Master), Curtis Manning (w/ Iron Man Armor), USAgent, Citizen Steel, Uncle Sam (w/ green lantern ring), Stargirl, and S.T.R.I.P.E.


JOSHATU: Greetings all. I Joshatu the Miraculous have come before you this day to watch a match that will decide the playoff fate for at least one of these mighty squads. You shall all stand witness as the combat between these two squads….

POGO: HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEY EYEEBODY It’s the Neon Master Poginater here!! I’m comin at cha 2-NITE with a wicked gnarly match between……. Hang on, let me check this sheet. OH, Aww yeah The George Washington’s Slaverunies versus The Tijuana Taco Benderz, up hold on, …..refreshing…… I mean The Empire!! This match is Fo Sho gonna rock, and

JOSHATU: Pogo, What…. WHAT in MY name are you doing here?? This is my timeslot and I really can’t have you here ruining this match with your nonsense.

POGO: But, DUUUUDER, this is my last shot brah!! The match is due tomorrow morning and I gots to get this thing done. Can’t we just share the timeslot??

JOSHATU: Ah, I see. Waiting until the very last minute again. This is definitely a dilemma, as the matches do need to be turned in on time. Much rests on the importance of this week.

POGO: How come when I post on late Sunday night, I’m waiting until the last minute; but when YOU do it, you write it off as acceptable because you are super busy for important reasons like running the league and such; and that it is how it must be for the system to work.

JOSHATU: Well Pogo, it is simple: You see I am busy for very important reasons. Such as needing to run the league. That is simply how the system works. But you on the other hand, YOU simply wait until the last minute because you are lazy. Your matches are goofy, poop-joke laden pieces of garbage and mine are nothing short of pure artistic genius. You are silly at best, and by far the worst watcher in the league.

POGO: WORST!! Come on BRO!! I’m at least better than the Guest Watchers!!, Right?!!?

JOSHATU: I’ve read their stuff. And I’m going to go with no. I’d put your story telling ability somewhere just underneath that of The Consortium.

POGO: DUDE, that doesn’t even make sense. I mean The Consortium doesn’t even….. HEY, WAIT A MINUTE!!

JOSHATU: Alright, enough of this self-serving nonsense. The truth is, we both have a match to watch; so lets do it. But I go first: ………………………………………………………….

The Barkley squad made their first turrible decision by playing Zartan and his crew in the ice week. I don’t think any of those poor guys even own a pair of long sleeves. They’re freezing out there. Thundarr, should be cold too; but he is way to harsh to show it, and Princess Ariel, well perhaps we should just call her Princess Areola, considering what she is wearing and how she looks in it in this weather. But the rest of her squad isn’t complaining. The rest of the Barkley squad stands with them at the top of the Ice Climber Mountain, while The Super Kitties, with their lesser number prepare a counter offensive from down below. The plan though, isn’t really much of a plan at all. It is a mountain after all and the only way onto it is up. So, the now corporeal White Lantern Yoda leads the charge up the mountain, and this skirmish begins with a vengeance. Zartan, and The Dreadnoks stand at the forefront and team up on Yoda; but the Senior Jedi Councilmember faces little difficulty from the hired hands of Cobra. Yoda has to dodge several arrows fired from the bow of Zartan, and dances around a brief duel from the chainsaw of Buzzer; but those two as well as the rest of the mini-squad fall fairly quickly to the white energy lightsaber of Yoda. The Super Kitties definitely got the better draw in the random common lottery this week, as well: as the Jedi Masters face little difficulty from the group of Giant Hammer, Fire, and Boomerang Bros. Only two Jedis fall in the skirmish, before all of the projectile Koopas die. The remaining Jedi then rush the frozen field, creating a diversion for their team; but falling at the hands of their enemies. #18 and #26 fall to the heat axe/weird lightsaber rip-off wielding Thundarr, while #23 gets Demon Rodded by Thundarr’s crush Ariel. Stargirl, STRIPE, and USAgent each take out a Master Jedi, while Pete with his blue lightsaber and Curtis with his Stark tech take out the remaining two.

USAgent has Curtis Manning flying close behind him, while they rush in against Mr. Freeze. A non-adamantium shield (only Cap’s is true adamantium) hits Mr. Freeze’s helmet shattering the protective glass. Freeze gasps for air; but despite heavy breathing is able to power through without his helmet due to the cold surrounding air. Curtis blasts Mr. Freeze from the air with his suit; but the Batman villain is able to catch Manning with an ice blast that freezes his circuitry and sends him reeling into a rocky chasm down below. USAgent quickly rushes in to avenge his friend and delivers a kick to the chest/shield to the neck combo that finishes off Freeze once and for all.

Red Hulk leaps up from the bottom of the mountain and lands directly in front of Citizen Steel. The metal encased Steel moves quickly to attack; but Rulk stomps on his opponent and crushes him easily within his suit.

Uncle Sam, despite his added green lantern power, does not last long against the Decepticon turncoat assassin Lockdown, as he catches a Cybertronian laser blast to the chest; but Stargirl and STRIPE double back and begin giving the much larger Transformer a decent run for his money. Stargirl leads Lockdown astray with her acrobatic maneuvers, while STRIPE lays down a suppressing fire from his highly advanced suit. Lockdown mows though the initial attacks from the classic DC Characters but leaps into the air and comes down hard on the much smaller STRIPE. Lockdown delivers the killing blow; but not before STRIPE unloads the last of his weaponry into the falling Lcokdown causing his spark to be extinguished and making the two metal warriors join each other in death.

Both squads square up and….

POGO: HEEEEEEEEEEEEEY!! It be the Pogameister again!! Joshatu the Old and Fat said that I had to wait for him to finish; but I assume even a long-winded bore-monger like him has to be done by now, so now I gots to tell my tale!!


George Washington’s Slaves are Ymir, Superman, Santa Claus (w/ M202A7 Rocket Launcher) w/ Rudolph, Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner, and Blitzen, Jedi Master #4-5, Navy SEAL Chief #8, and Starship Trooper #72-81.

The Empire is Goblin #88-90, Mummy #14-18, Jedi Lightsaber Scientist #1-2, Mon Mothma (w/ the Green Mantle), The Revanchist, Sy-Clone, Leech, Ninjor, The H.I.V.E. Five: Jinx, Gizmo, Mammoth, See-More, and Private Hive, Zombie Nick Houslander (w/ Yellow Lantern Ring), Kaja Sinis, Monzo, and Jedda Walker in The Millennium Groudy.

REINDEER CRAP!! Well, I guess I should of spoiler alerted you kids; but that is what this one really came down to was reindeer crap. I mean, hey; you can call it Christmas magic if you want; but at the end of the dizzle it was the venison poo drizzle that made this a true barn burner. I mean, have you ever smelled a reindeer?? Trust me, after you have one of those things on your property for a week, the only thing to do is burn that barn!! I mean sure, the battle between The HIVE Five and Ymir was kinda wicked; but we all knew Ymir had it in the ol’ Waste Management bagster considering that this is a colder than crap ice week and he’s pretty much the top dawwg Frost Giant. And the Jedi Masters proved why they end up on teams and even in matches from time to time and why the Jedi Lightsaber scientists have been rotting on the waiver wires for the life of most of the league owner’s children (accept for that older than crap Joshatu whose older kids are like 90). And of course Supes did the obligatory Kryptonian thing where he took out all the crap that the Watcher doesn’t feel like writing even when the Watcher isn’t doing a half-baked turd of a match like this one. In this case we’ll limit the opening Super-duperman kills to the goblins, the mummies, a messy case of green-gooed Leech, and the Yellow, fear wielding Zombie Nick Houslander who should be honored to get his graveyard send-off from The Man of Steel. The Revanchist, Ninjor, the original gangsta Jedi Kaja Sinis, and Monzo prolly had a fierce battle with a buttload of Starship Troopers, Jedis, and a wicked gnarly Navy SEAL (USA, USA) while you were reading that Joshatu snooze fest that ended with all of them killing each other so we could get to the fun part of this match (yes, of course I mean the part with the poop in it). But the poop really hit the fan when the poop started to hit the ground. You see, right after Jedda Walker was proving that The Millennium Groudy was the best off-road vehicle on the planet whilst navigating the icy mountain ranges, Santa proved that off ground was still better than off-road by targeting the amazingly awesome cammo Jeep with his sleigh mounted rocket launcher to blow the Wrangler and its wrangler into smithereens. But this story becomes truly awesome when Mon Mothma: the embodiment of all things brave and good, not to mention a true rebel to the core unleashed the power of The Green Mantle. Her team may have been close to decimated at the time; but once she showed the mere animals, magical as they may be driving Santa’s sleigh the true power of goodness, those poor reindeer crapped themselves silly. I mean you would have thought that it was 900 tiny reindeer pulling that dang thing judging by how much poop littered the once white, now brown arctic landscape. It was awesome!! ……. Not that I’m in to that kind of thing. I mean, totes gross and stuff. But the part of this story that is important and worth telling, is that those poor reindeer didn’t stop pooping until they were totally dehydrated, decrapped, debilitated, destabilized, and DEAD. It looks like Santa is gonna have to rent a car next Christmas (Wah wah waaaaah). The poop was so all-encompassing, that it actually warmed up the arctic landscape to a level that weakened Ymir to a level that made it possible for Mon Mothma to use her remaining ability to destroy the giant Norse being, while Superman was too busy breaking Sy-Clones’s neck to help him out. Santa was not too happy to see the snow, most of his team, and more importantly his reindeer laid to waste, that he felt the need to add Mon Mothma to his naughty list and deliver a bag meant for the Webber family (that is a pro-bowling joke, for the 80% of the population who don’t care) directly into the head of Mothma to kinda-sorta avenge his furry friends.

I SWEAR TO GOD PEEPS, that is how it went down. Totes, FO REAL no lyin (or tiger (BAAH)).

GEORGE WASHINGTON’S SLAVES ARE VICTORIOUS!!


JOSHATU: Well, I’m really sorry that you all had to sit through that. I have managed to banish Pogo back to whatever trashy place he is hanging his Pistons hat at right now and would like to continue the true match at hand.

While significant amounts of deer feces was falling down on all of our extremely frustrated heads, Princess Ariel was using her magical abilities to burn the ewoks to a crisp and launch the former, fir fireballs (okay fine, try and say it five times fast, (I’ll wait)) into the sole Ice Bros. of the match. Hot Spot thought it appropriate to repay the favor by launching his own fireball back with the full force of his ability into Princess Ariel, who finally had a moment of warmth before her not so comfy death. Thundarr, did not approve of such actions as he used his Heat Axe to cast Blaze 2 on The Teen Titan to wipe him out.

Yoda then bested the well trained Pete Sosa in a lightsaber duel, while Red Hulk crushed Thundarr into the ground in a shirtless muscle contest that had Richard Simmons sweating to the Oldies from halfway across the globe.

USAgent and Stargirl, then form up at the very peak of the mountain and stand back to back, ready to finish this fight for their team once and for all. But in the end, USAgent’s acrobatic skill and fighting prowess was not any more a match for Yoda’s melee skill, than Stargirl’s bravery was against Red Hulk’s immense strength……..











LAYANDERLETSON’S SUPER ORANGE KITTIES AND CATS LIVING TOGETHER TO MAKE A NEW FAMILY ARE VICTORIOUS!!