Season 8: Week Nine: TEAM -vs- Sith AIDS

TEAM is Heishiro Mitsurugi, Duke Nukem, Solid Snake with a Rifle, Sgt. Mike Shinsky, Black Lantern Pete Sosa, Ratta the Hutt and Cock Sneak Goomba #9.

Sith AIDS are Anakin Skywalker, Ashoka Tano and Dr. Kavita Rao.

That southern Gentleman is very rude.

Some people have bad days, even Clive Revel. I have days where even the freshest corn bisquit with the sweetest gravy you have ever tasted could not fix it. Today was one of those days. My day was lovely, meeting many kind, curteous people who patiently waited for my much appreciated signature. It was very similar to the day Dr. Kavita Rao was having until she took a shot directly to the face from Duke Nukem`s rocket launcher.

Duke spoke in a very strange, arrogant venacular that was quite off-putting to me. His selfish tone reminded me of the rudest person I have ever met. The southern man approached me with a stack of items that would be enough to fill Wembley Stadium. I am not exaggerating when I say they were as tall as Mount Everest.

Speaking of high up in the air, Black Lantern Pete Sosa took off into the beautiful nights sky, using the dark power of his lantern ring. Streaks of black mist eminated off of him like smoke leaving a chimney stack of a meat spicket factory. His power being what it was, faced in direct opposition to the light side of the force that spewed from the two Jedi on the opposite side of the pit platform.

The platform was very small, much like the table for which I was calling my home that day. The southern man had covered my temporary home with his items, making me feel violated in regards to my personal space. Violated is exactly how Sgt. Mike Shinsky felt as well when Anakin forced his light saber into his abdoman, stealing his life away from him.

The same fate fell upon Ratta the Hutt and the Cock Sneak Goomba as Ashoka cut through them like she was slicing up a savory meat pie. If I were to have had a meat pie on the day of the southern man, I would have taken one bite and gently shoved the remaining pie right in his face. Taking up my personal space was only the beginning though.

He took several minutes to uncover a poster, which was already covered in further human markings. He then proceeded to point to a spot boxed in with Post-It notes, a spot to which he wanted me to place down my mark. He insisted on me using a metallic blue sharpie for my marking, a tool that I am qutie familar with.

A familar tool to a Jedi is his light saber, an elegant weapon for a more civilized age. Anakin`s weapon was more then just a tool that he used to defend himself with, it was an extension of his body. With that extension, the prospect of stopping him, was a task very few people could ever imagine. Black Lantern`s may have the power of death on their side but nothing comes close to the power a Jedi as strong as Anakin has.

Pete flew down with all of his might, spreading his black magic down on the Jedi`s, but before he realized it, his hand had been severed from his body, sending both his body and the hand wearing ring down into the pit.

Being sent down into a pit only scratches the surface in regards to how that southern man made me feel as he continued to badger me. I am a patient man, somebody who is very good with difficult situations, but every man, no matter how mature they are, has a breaking point.

Being at a Breaking Point is exactly where Duke Nukem was at this time, as both Jedi`s were able to avoid every single weapon he shot at him. In a moment of shear desperation, Duke turned on his jetpack and headed right for Anakin. His rash move was quickly thwarted, as Ashoka crushed the arrogant muscle bound man`s jetpack, sending him deep into the pit.

Unfortunately for Ashoka, Duke Nukem had thrown a pipe bomb onto the platform directly where the young Jedi was standing. Right as he was impaled on the Pit`s floor, he detonated the bomb, not only destroying the center portion of the platform but also sending Ashoka down into the spike filled floor.

The southern man impaled me as well with his strict orders for making a mark, until I snapped and said, "Sir, I know how to sign my own name". After my comment the man became very angry and hostile, stomping his feet on the floor and hitting himself in the head with his own hand just repeating, "Revel is a jerk, don`t forsake me Revel".

I next grew tired of him taking up so much of my table space, so I further asked him if he could please remove his items from my spot. This enraged him to the point of eruption. His face was as red hot as an apple after being thrown down into a pit of molten rubber.

Enraged was exactly how Anakin felt as he watched his partner being impaled on the pit floor. Anakin, a user of the light side of the force reached down deep, using his anger to finish off his opponent`s in hopes to end this match once and for all. He easily blocked the shots from Solid Snake`s rifle, force crushing the barrel of his gun before using his light saber to end the life of the well trained vigilante.

He next set his sights on his only remaining enemy, Heishiro Mitsurugi, the master swordsman. The fight between the two of them was quite fierce, yet despite Anakin losing his left hand to the Soul Calibur character, he finally defeated him by force pushing him off of the platform and then throwing his lightsaber into the heart of the Samauri as he fell to his death.

Which brings me back to the southern man. After making my mark on all of his belongings and witnessing the worst anger stroke I have ever seen, the man finally left. As he walked away I could still hear him saying, "I hate that Clive Revel, forsake me not. Bryan, he has forsaken me!!!"

I now leave you with these words, if you are going to eat bisquits, never leave off the gravy and if you are ever forced to make your mark for people, please do whatever you can to avoid meeting that southern man.

Clive Revel is not rude, for the only rude person I know, goes by the name of Bama.