UNIVERSE BOWL IX: CHAPTER IV

Water Region. . .

Richard Nixon sits between Looney Tunes Gremlins #1 and 2 on a life raft in the middle of the Playoff Planet’s Water Region.  Nixon is profusely sweating at his current predicament.

Richard Nixon:  I am not a swimmer.

Frontiersman Hugh Glass looks back at his passengers. 

Glass:  Do not worry, Mr. President.  I know it’s a risk being out here because you are not a swimmer, but it will be okay. I promise to guide you back to land, safe and sound.

Richard Nixon:  Thank you, friend.  One must remember that if you take no risks, you will suffer no defeats.  But if you take no risks, you win no victories. 

The Looney Tunes Gremlins grin in unison at the Presidential quotes being spoken by Nixon.   Suddenly, the duo begins to jump up and down, rocking the boat as they notice something in the waves.  It is Spongebob Squarepants.

Spongebob:  Highness! You are no match for the might of the Slaves and our water dwellers!

Glass:  An ocean’s sponge shall be no worries to trap and dismember!  I’ve caught more ferocious dogs than you Spongebob!

Spongebob:  Not more ferocious than Mer-Man though!

A mention of his name brings Eternia’s Mer-Man from the waters.  Mer-Man’s trident skewers Glass.  A blank look appears on his face and the trapper turns back to the President.

Glass: My death shall mean something. . .

Glass, although mortally wounded, leaps from the boat, aiming at Spongebob.  He opens his mouth and swallows Spongebob Squarepants, whole. 

Mer-Man sees his teammate engulfed by the bearded man’s lips and shakes off the death of his friend.  He will have his revenge.  Mer-Man climbs aboard the raft and easily dispels with the two Looney Tunes Gremlins.

Richard Nixon:  Well, I screwed up really good, didn’t I?

Mer-Man impales Nixon on his trident.  The President’s body slides down the weapon until it rests at the prong’s beginning.  Nixon slowly looks up only to see the aquatic maw of his foe.  Mer-Man begins to chew on the President’s face, guffawing as screams litter the air.