S12 W6: Be Gentle it's my Third Time vs TEAM

Be Gentle it’s my Third Time is: Green Goblin, Sandman, Dr.Octupuss, Electro, Mysterio, Vulture, Granny Goodness and the Female Furies: (Granny Goodness, Bernadeth, Stompa, Gillotina, Mad Harriet, Lashina), Terrorcons: (Hun-Gurr, Rippersnapper, Blot, Sinnertwin, Cutthroat, Cindersaur) (all 4 deaths), Mighty Morphin Power Rangers: (Jason (Red Ranger), Billy (Blue), Zack(Black)), Kimberly (pink), Trini (yellow), Nazgul riding a fellbeast (with 4 other fell beast following him), The Cloverfield monster, Zues (with the time stone), 5 warg riders riding 5 wargs, 10 dwarves,

TEAM is: Optimus Prime (w/ The Autobot Matrix of Leadership), Neo, Morg, Nekron, Black Lantern Yoda, Black Lantern Wolverine, Black lantern Non, President John Adams (w/ Airbending Staff), Donald Trump (w/ Airbending Staff), President John Turner (w/ Airbending Staff), Tom Cruise, John Patrick Mason, Mr. Methane, Steven Segal, Leto II, Ms. Marvel, Blur

Who’s ready for another Artifact turd gem? I know, me too.

So the Terrorcons and The Cloverfield Monster were going all crazy animal rage like on TEAM. Like smashing stuff up good. Sandman was there but he was sleeping and Dr.Octopuss was tending to the wounded as any doctor would bound by the hippocratic oath. The trio of one term presidents were keeping the Gentles at bay along with Mr. Methane who was letting out massive farts while the presidents were using their air bending staffs to channel the methane gas in a stunning display of defense. Nekron led the other Black Lanterns on the offensive while John Patrick Mason was touting killer one liners. Real good stuff. I won’t bore you with details but let’s just say the fight did its job in thinning this roster down to a workable level given the fact that the match is already over forty hours late.

Ten minutes later...

“Thanks for coming ladies,” a persuasive Tom Cruise says to the Female Furies who he has off to the side of the match in a makeshift tent. “All I’m asking you to do is hold on to these two devices. These are attached to a machine we call an ‘e-meter’ and what this does is measure the electrodermal activity in your body. It works best when you tell me your deepest darkest secrets so I can use it later to blackmail you. Also, I will need all your money and you need to stop talking to your family and friends because they are suppressive people who will not help you go clear. Do all this and I won't take naked pictures of you and post them at your grandkids school. Does this sound like a heartwarming and loving religion you wish to be a part of?”

Tom Cruise was then taken away on a spaceship by whatever dumb fuck alien race they believe in. Steven Segal and Leto II then show up and have a good old time beating the crap out of the old ladies in the tent. The two sides fought valiantly but the spirit of Janet Reno emerged from her throne in Hell and knocked over a kerosene lamp and burned the entire tent down and everyone died. 

Ms. Marvel has her knee on the neck of the Green Goblin “Chauvin style”. Optimus Prime has his rocket primed and ready to finish off Mr. Osborn. Looks like the end of the road for the Gentles.

Late 1960s, Boston, Massachusetts…

Zeus rings the doorbell to the home of Joe and Marie Danvers. It was early evening, Joe had just got home from work and the family had just sat down to supper. Marie, like a good mid-century wife, did not want to inconvenience her husband so she answered the door. She was taken aback at the sight of the scantily clad God of Thunder. She had not been in the company of a man this breathtaking since her early days working the port as the boys came home from war. She never saw the lightning bolt that killed her, and she was long dead as Zeus casually entered the Danvers home and massacred the entire family.

Back on the field of battle…

Optimus watched in horror as Ms. Marvel proceeded to disappear from existence. The Green Goblin regained himself to throw some of those dumb pumpkin bombs (or whatever it was he carried) at Optimus but the final blow happened moments later as Zeus retuned to present day using the Time Stone. Commanding all the power of Mt. Olympus, Zeus fired his lightning bolt into the All Spark of the last remaining TEAMmember.