The Sigmaz Vs. The Underhills

 The Sigmaz are Ronald McDonald w/ Fry Kid #1-3, Grimace, The Hamburglar, Birdie the Early Bird, Mayor McCheese, Officer Big Mac, Captain Crook, & The Professor, The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Leonardo, Michelangelo, Donatello, & Raphael (all packing Glocks), & Domestic Terrorist #1-5.

The Underhills are Nightcrawler, Ant Man, Wasp, & Jedi Knight Guardian #1-5.

Times are tough here in 2023, even in the mutant crime fighting and Jedi Protector career fields which is why certain members of The Underhills Fantasy Fantasy Club have gotten off season jobs at Wendy's (Thanks Biden).  This course of action is beyond unfit for the elite group of radicals led by King Ronald of McDonaldland and assembled by Emperor Malcom X the Great himself along with his faithful politician puppet President Obama.  The McDonald's Corporation has plotted attacks on their enemy Wendy's for years and today this dream shall come to fruition.  

Wendy......  Born rich after her father, the evil capitalist Dave Thomas grew their family fortune on the backs of the working class Proletariats of the struggling Urban areas.  His daughter.....  With her money, her bright red hair like that of the devils she associates with, her spiteful superiority brimming with her every evil, freckled, fry box smile and worst of all her pale, disgusting skin.  White people......  The true enemy of those born with a soul.  This attack has been long awaited....  And you all shall be witnesses.

King Ronald speaks to his troops saying:  "Leave no one alive.  We shall burn this corporate enemy known as Wendy's to the ground and kill all who inhabit its walls".  

Leonardo retorts:  "As leader of the Ninja Turtles, I must protest.  My brothers and I were not taught to act in this manner Ronald".

"THAT IS KING RONALD TO YOU GREEN ONE". McDonald interrupts.  "We was all Kings once; and one day I will be able to shed this make-up and reveal my beautiful nubian features to the new world we shall usher in.  But until that day, I must continue to wear white face to mock our demon caucasian oppressors.  It is my solemn vow".

Raphael barks:  "Listen Here Dude.  What my brother Leo wuz tryin to say wuz that Master Splinter wouldn't of wanted us being so cruel.  We're trained Ninjas and were supposed to be the good guys".  

Ronald rolls his painted eyes and says with authority:  "You were all at the initial team briefing and you heard the chain of Command.  Emperor Malcom's word is law.  President Obama is in control of the inter-workings of the team and when we are in the field, it is I:  King Ronald who leads.  Now, the plan is simple destroy Wendy's, leave not a single brick unbroken, and kill everyone inside".  

"Dang Broooh, these dudes is off the chain.  I signed up for domestic terrorism, I had no idea dudes was gonna be so legit".  Says Domestic Terrorist #3.

"Totally", Chimes in Domestic Terrorist #2.  "I thought we were just gonna do some cyber attacks from the basement, maybe trash a Discord Server CJ style or something".

"WHOA!!  Cyber attacks, like with an EMP or something??  Do you have one of those"??  Asks Domestic Terrorist #3.

"Yeah Dawg, EMP's are lit.  This is way sicker than I thought it would be.  I thought we were just gonna say some wack s&%t on social media until we got kicked off the platform and had to start new accounts".  Says Domestic Terrorist #4 as he moves his thin blue hair out from in front of his eyes.  

"This is not radical Dude". Michelangelo says under his breath.

"Like yeah Man, what's the opposite of cowabunga"?? replies Donatello.

As the Sigmaz approach and are within range, Leonardo begins getting his Turtle brothers in position.  "Hold here Green one"  Says Ronald.  "In Chess, the pawns always move first".  He then yells his order:  "DOMESTIC TERRORIST #1-5, go in and order yourselves some frostys"........

The Five terrorists walk through the double doors into the packed Wendy's and get in line, while The Professor, with the help of the criminal mastermind Capt. Croook sneak in the back door into the kitchen.  The Professor and the Crook move stealthily through the kitchen to release the toxin that The McDonald's Corporation has spent over ten years and millions of dollars to produce.  Once released, it will meld with the Spicy Chicken Nugget formula and create a deadly toxin that will instantly kill everyone in the building.  As The Professor steps over what is left of Ant Man and The Wasp who were killed before the match began by the larger insects, cockroaches, and rats that reside in the kitchen of Wendy's he releases his formula into the air.  But.....  Nothing happened.  Because Wendy's was out of Spicy Nugs that day like they are EVERY G.D. TIME I GO THERE.  GAHHHHHHH-OLLIE.............

"Hmmmm.  Plan B it is", says Ronald calmly.  "Mayor McCheese, Press. The. Button.".

As ordered, Mayor McCheese, the corrupt politician in the pockets of The Sigmaz Clandestine leadership pulls the detonator out of his trenchcoat pocket and presses the button, setting off the explosives under the coats of the five domestic terrorists inside and blowing the roof clean off of Wendy's killing almost everyone inside.  Jedi Knight Guardian #3 and #5 were working the cash registers and were killed in the blast; but the other three remaining Jedi Guardians run out of the building and move towards the Sigmaz that were not collateral damage in the blast.  Nightcrawler on the other hand "BAMFS" out of the building quickly, and instantly engages the turtles and other Sigmaz in a pitched melee battle.  

Despite their ninjitsu expertise, Nightcrawler takes them by surprise and manages to steal one of Leo's Katanas as well as one of Rahp's Sais.  He wields the katana with his right hand, the sai with his tail, and a half charred, metal french fry basket thing in his left hand that he happened to be holding when he BAMFed out of the exploding restaurant.  The Jedi Guardians are running up the hill to aid their teammember Nightcrawler when the Ninja Turtles remember that they have Glocks now and along with Officer Big Mac divert their attention momentarily from Nightcrawler in an attempt to cook some fools.  But the Jedi Guardians are able to ignite their lightsabers and block the projectiles.  The Jedi Guardians arrive on the scene and swiftly deal a lightsaber through the neck of Officer Big Mac as well as The Hamburglar who was hiding under a tree somehow devouring a Dave's Single.  Nightcrawler sends a katana blade downward into the shell of Donatello to create the first turtle casualty.  He then snatches up Don's Bo Staff with his left hand right after throwing the fry thing directly into the beak of Birdie the Early Bird, who trips over Fry Kid #1 joining each other in death.  

While Nightcrawler keeps the remaining three turtles busy, the Jedi Guardians deal death blows to both Fry Kid #3 and Mayor McCheese.  Guardian #1 moves to aid the outnumbered Nightcrawler, while Guardian #2 attempts to engage Grimace but is swallowed whole.  

Ronald mutters to himself "good thing I became a martial arts expert while I was memorizing every Wesley Snipes movie" as he moves swiftly towards Jedi Guardian #4, dodging his lightsaber, delivering a crescent hand karate chop to the Jedi's throat and then shoving a plastic pancake knife into his eye.  

As Michelangelo turns to attack Nightcrawler with his nunchucks, Jedi Guardian #1 runs him through with his lightsaber, but the Turtle is quickly avenged as Raph puts his remaining Sai into the Jedi's neck.  Only Nightcrawler remains for The Underhills but BAMFs away from the two raging Turtles to regroup.  The mutant teleports himself right next to Grimace and quickly slices open the stomach of the gross, purple taste bud or whatever the heck he is supposed to be spilling piles of undigested burgers, fries, and nugs onto the ground.  

"GROSS"!!  Leo and Raph scream in unison as they rush Nightcrawler.  The two Turtles fight together against the master swordsman Nightcrawler; but Raph catches a sword through the dome, right before Leo delivers the killing sword strike to Nightcrawler.  

Leonardo saunters back to Ronald saying:  "What have we done??  My brothers are gone, we are surrounded by death and destruction".....

King Ronald answers:  "If you are to lead Leonardo, you must be willing to make sacrifices".....

Then Fry Kid #2 farted and the match was over.