FFL 2023 Week 1: Trash Pandas vs. TEAM

Scarlett Johansson and Bill Cosby’s Skin Tight Leather Pantsed Trash Pandas: Gandalf the White & Maximus Decimus Meridius.

TEAM: Thanos, Ebony Maw, Chris Artrip, Kyle Houslander & Myrmidon #1-3.

We start this match with Kyle and Chris riding on their way to their weekly softball game and they see a Wendys and decide to stop in to get some 4 for 4$s (4 for $4 goes hard btw). They walk through the front door and they see Gandalf and Thanos boxing in the lobby. Kyle looks at Chris and says “Golly, looks this Wendy’s is really busy, don’t think we’ll be able to get our 4 for $4s in time, maybe we should just skip out and go to the softball field.” Chris agrees and they decide to leave Wendy's.

We can now proceed on to the actual match in the Wendy’s. 

We start with Maximus facing off against the three Myrmidons. The Myrmidons themselves are great warriors but they stand no chance against the Great Gladiator himself, Maximus Decimus Meridius. He starts off by parrying a sword attack from the first Myrmidon and stabbing the Greek Warrior in the chest. The two other Myrmidons surround Maximus, one on his left and one on his right.They both attack with sword strikes but the General blocks both using his sword and shield. Maximus then strikes the Myrmidon on his right, on the thigh and then shield bashes the warrior on his left in the head. Maximus then cuts off the head of the Myrmidon who was dazed by the shield bash and then turns around and stabs the chest of the other Myrmidon.

As the fight between Maximus and the Myrmidons was happening, Gandalf the White was battling with Thanos and Ebony Maw. At first Thanos almost seems offended that an old man with a long white beard and a walking staff is deciding to take on him and his adopted son Ebony Maw by himself. Thanos decides to have Maw take on Gandalf by himself as he thinks it should be no problem. Maw starts by ripping pieces of the ceiling and the roof of the Wendys using his telekinesis powers so much so that there is no roof left to cover the lobby of the Wendy’s and launches them at Gandlaf. Gandalf uses his Shield of the Istari power to block every piece of rubble that Ebony Maw throws at him and then throws a mean combo where he calls a lightning strike from the skies onto the Child of Thanos and then hits him with a fire blast from his staff, killing Maw. 

Thanos is surprised at how quickly and easily the White Wizard was able to dice up his child, he charges at Gandalf and starts to throw a flurry of punches at the wise Maiar. Gandalf is able to block and dodge all of the punches up until the end when Thanos catches Gandalf with a right hook that knocks him to the ground and causes his nose to start bleeding. Thanos goes to attack Gandalf who is on the ground but as he is about to strike Gandalf he is stabbed in the calf by Maximus but the sword doesn’t hurt the Titan. Thanos, more angered than hurt, backhands Maximus across the lobby into a wall. This gives Gandalf enough time to get back on his feet and uses his staff to call the Flame of Udun and slams the bottom of his staff on the ground which causes Thanos to fly back and through the Wendy’s windows into the parking lot. As Thanos is recovering from being thrown across the property of this fast food joint, Gandalf thinks to himself Maximus’ sword did not hurt Thanos. He then calls for a lightning strike onto his sword Glamdring. Thanos sprints towards Gandalf and goes to spear the Wizard but he is blocked as Gandalf calls for his Shield of the Istari at just the perfect second. Gandlaf then quickly counters with a couple sword strikes on Thanos and they are actually doing damage to the great Thanos. Thanos, visibly weakened, is able to grab Gandalf by the throat and begins to start choking him out, Gandalf retaliates with some sword slashes but Thanos grip on his neck is too strong and chokes Gandalf to his death. Thanos after a few breaths says “Old man, robed in white. I have to admit at first I doubted you and it almost caused me to fail in my mission and I respect you for how brave you were in your fight.It nearly killed me, but the work is done, I am The Emperor of this Fantasy Fantasy League, I am inevitable.”

Thanos is on one knee gathering his breath, when he is stabbed from the back through his chest by Glamdring. Maximus then walks to the front of Thanos and Thanos asks “Who are you?” Maximus responds with “My name is Maximus Decimus Meridius, commander of the Armies of the North, General of the Felix Legions and loyal servant to the true emperor of this League, Gandalf the White. Father to a murdered son. Husband to a murdered wife. And I will have my vengeance, in this life or the next.”