George Washington's Slaves vs Brock Samson's Fighting Murderflies

George Washington’s Slaves are Admiral Ackbar, Agen Kolar, Ajax Major, Arisia, Bebop & Rocksteady, Ben Skywalker, Bill Rizer & Lance Bean, Cade Skywalker, Capt. Picard, Capt. Kirk in an Arwing, Cassandra Nova, Colossus, Connor MacLeod, Corbin Dallas, Santa Claus w/ Rudolf, Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner, & Blitzen, Cosmos, Crash Bandicoot, Dare the Terminator, Dormammu, Duncan Idaho Ghola #7, Tank & Dozer, Inspector Gadget, Jason Bourne, Jimmy Neutron, Juan Sanchez Villa Lobos Ramirez, Ki Adi Mundi, Loki, Martian Manhunter, Metroid #19 & 20, Neo, Trinity, Optimus Prime & Roller, Wedge & R5-D4 in an X-Wing, Scorpion, Shaak Ti, Sypho Dyas, Sonny (from I-Robot), Super Soldier, Yoda, Zorack, & Jedi Master #1.

Brock Samson’s Fighting Murderflies are The Maxx & Julie, Doc Brown, Lorne Michaels, Speedy Gonzalez, Brak, Dobby, (Brain Damaged) Beowulf, Sarah Palin, The Groovy Gang: Ted, Val, Patty, Sonny, & Groovy, Jay, Silent Bob, Suzanne, Forge, Bob: Agent of HYDRA, Agent X, Aunt May, Hellboy, Etrigan the Demon, Lobo, Guy Gardner, G' Nort, Howard the Duck, Booster Gold, Brock Sampson, Kyle Rayner, Beatrix Kiddo, Ted Nugent, Jedi Master #20, Greedo, Dorf, Jedi Youngling #39, Shatterstar, Hydro-Man, Hawkman, Hawkwoman, Batgirl, The Mighty Morphin Power Rangers: Jason, Zack, Billy, Trini, & Kimberly, Mystery Inc.: Fred, Velma, Daphne, Shaggy, Scooby-Doo, & Scooby Dumb, Mechagodzilla, Caramon Majere, Raistlin Majere, The Power Puff Girls: Blossom, Bubbles, & Buttercup, Clone Trooper #26, The Technibots: Scattershot, Strafe, Lightspeed, Nosecone, & Afterburner, Ron Popeil, Scarlet Witch, Shazam, Starro, Grimlock, King Leonidas, Dark Claw, Lobo the Duck, & Treasure Troll #17.

Ever since the off-season trade of Thor, Martian Manhunter has been reluctant to form any sort of friendship with Neo. That is of course, until Neo showed up in the locker room with a bag of Choco Cookies, which is J’onn’s real weakness. And after a long conversation and eating the entire back of Choco’s, they have formed quite the bond. They lead the Slaves into battle, which is taking place just outside the orbit of Uranus. (Really? Several space battles and this is the first “Uranus” joke?) Admiral Ackbar, Captain Jean-Luc Picard, Connor MacLeod, Juan Sánchez Villa-Lobos Ramírez, Duncan Idaho Ghola #7, Dare the Terminator, and Sypho Dyas are all flying aboard Cosmos. The Murderflies have greatly prepared for this battle and the opportunity to make it three in a row. Ron Popeil, Doc Brown and Forge constructed the first ever Ronco X-Space Station. The Technibots and Mechagodzilla stand guard on the outside of this massive space station that can also make 32 different kinds of pasta. “Access to that station we must acquire,” says Yoda. “I agree Master Jedi,” says Optimus Prime. But Head Coach Leonidas isn’t going to make that easy for them. He orders G’Nort to put a green force field up around the Ronco X-Space Station. “A Green Lantern force field? We can break through power of that magnitude!” shouts Ackbar. Just then flanking the Slaves from the rear coming out from behind the moon, Oberon comes the Megazord, Shazam and Starro, instantly attacking Cosmos and his crew. “It’s a trap!” exclaims the Mon Calamari commander. Luckily for the Slaves, Capt. James Tiberius Kirk swoops in his Arwing and starts firing on the Megazord. He is followed closely behind by Wedge and R5-D4 in a X-Wing. The Megazord uses its Power Sword and slices the Arwing in twain, killing Kirk. Wedge targets Starro and dodges the giant starfish’s arms. Wedge then pulls an Immelmann turn and fires two proton torpedoes at Starro, which kills the large starfish. This prompts Shazam to take action and head straight for the X-Wing. He catches up to it and with his Herculean strength, he rips one of the wings off of the ship, which causes it to spin out of control and into an asteroid that Caramon Majere, Rastlin Majere, Metroid #19, and Jedi Master #1 were all battling on. Shazam then gathers Scarlet Witch, Grimlock and the Technibots to attack the Slaves’s forces. “Prime! Me, Grimlock, wants Prime!” shouts the Dinobot leader. “Then, Grimlock, here I am,” Optimus confidently replies. The two Autobots clash with great intensity. Grimlock swipes a Prime with his energy sword, but Optimus manages to evade the attack. Optimus then finally shows Grimlock why he was chosen as the Matrix-bearer and not Grimlock. He sidesteps Grimlock’s lunging attack and hip tosses the Dinobot over. Optimus takes aim and blasts Grimlock square in the chest, blowing a gaping hole through him. Scarlet Witch then approaches the giant space cruiser that Jimmy Neutron built specifically for this match. She has no problem gaining access to it, because she altered the safety hatch with her mutant powers. She then calmly walks through the cruiser’s hallways, and is confronted by the awesome force of Bebop and Rocksteady. She continues to walk towards them as if they weren’t even there. Rocksteady goes to blast her with his gun, but is quickly turned into a urinal cake. Bebop charges at her, but then finds himself turned into a Strawberry Rhubarb pie. Outside of the Neutron Space Cruiser, Shazam in confronted by Super Soldier, and is hit with a powerful uppercut. Shazam comes right back at him and lands several haymakers, one after another. Super Soldier fires back with a blast of heat vision, which stuns Shazam, but only for a moment. Shazam aggressively attacks Super Soldier, bringing his two powerful fists down multiple times on Super Soldier’s Vibranium-steel alloy shield. Super Soldier pushes back and launches his shield as hard as he can at Shazam’s head. However, Shazam ducks and a catches the shield. He then flies up and drives the point of the shield into the big white star emblazoned on Super Soldier’s chest. The Technibots merge and form Computron, and he analyzes the battlefield and determines how he can help his team out the most. Computron attacks Cosmos and his passengers. He uses his superior intellect and strength to overwhelm the flying saucer and utterly destroys it, as well as everyone inside. “Ho ho ho! Hey Corbin, take a look into my sack and see if there’s anything we can use to defeat those guys,” says Santa Claus as he flies in on his sled. Corbin Dallas digs through the magical sack and pulls out The Hammer of Dawn. “Oh damn, Santa!” exclaims Corbin. “Well I know how much you’ve been looking at the Gears of War crew’s stuff, and you’ve been a great teammate to me. So I figured you deserved it. Now blast that motherf@#%*&!” says Santa Claus. Corbin locks on target with Computron and fires the Hammer of Dawn. The orbiting satellite that the H.O.D. is linked to blasts Computron with an intense Imulsion beam, which rips through the Transformer with great ease. Guy Gardner then fires a green energy beam at the sleigh, knocking the Hammer of Dawn out of Corbin’s hands. Kyle Rayner and G’Nort join Guy and the three of them hit the oncoming reindeer powered sleigh with an immense amount of green energy, vaporizing them in the process. Jason Bourne, Ki Adi Mundi, Ajax Major, Ben Skywalker, Bill Rizer and Lance Bean are all able to gain access to the Ronco X-Space Station and are all attacked by both the Scooby and Groovy Gangs. Jason Bourne leaps into action and snaps the neck of Val, rips the esophagus out of Sonny and breaks the kneecap of Fred. Ajax Major slams his huge hammer down on the fallen Fred, crushing his skull. Bill Rizer and Lance Bean blow away Velma, Ted, Patty and Groovy with their Spread Guns. Ki Adi Mundi and Ben Skywalker then make quick work of Daphne, Shaggy, Scooby-Doo and Scooby Dumb with their lightsabers. As they advance through the station, Jason Bourne is blindsided by a right cross, courtesy of Brock Samson. The rest continue on their mission as Bourne and Samson fight. Jason quickly gains the upper hand, but Brock hits an air lock hatch, which sucks both fighters out into the vacuum of space without any sort of protection. Jason Bourne suffocates and freezes to death. Brock on the other hand, hung onto a strap attached to the station. Brock pulled himself in and shut the air lock. He then noticed that he had a slight nosebleed, but was unsure if it was due to the vacuum of space or Jason Bourne’s spin kick he received to the face earlier. Brock also coughed up a pink chunk, roughly the size of a kiwifruit. Brock didn’t feel very well after this and decided to go and lie down. Ted Nugent spots the intruders and fires a flaming arrow through the forehead of Lance Bean. He then takes aim and fires one into Bill Rizer’s chest. “There is nothing better that hunting the greatest species in the universe; humans,” says the Motor City Madman. These are the last words hear from Nugent as he is relieved of his head by Ki Adi Mundi. Back out in space Martian Manhunter quickly dispatches the small force of Treasure Troll #17, Speedy Gonzalez, and the Power Puff Girls (Get it? “small”). He is then attacked by Brain Damaged Beowulf, and has to go on the defense quickly. J’onn gets bailed out though by his new bromance buddy Neo and the two of them double-team the Cymek. The combination of J’onn’s powers and Neo’s ability to defeat pretty much any sort of machine, regardless of size, is too much for Brain Damaged Beowulf and is killed by the duo. Over on a large asteroid, Agent X just receive a spear to the throat and a “GET OVER HERE!” from Scorpion. Which he quickly followed it up with a vicious uppercut. Agent X tries to retaliate and quick fires his two guns but Scorpion teleports behind him and hits him again. “COME HERE!” yells Scorpion as he fires his spear into Agent X’s back. Scorpion then pulls his mask off and scorches Agent X with his fire breath, killing him. “Hey Bad Breath! Why don’t you try that on me!” shouts Guy Gardner. The Green Lantern the swoops in and drives a giant green energy lance through Scorpion’s abdomen. Cassandra Nova then uses her vast telepathy abilities to control the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers who attack their teammate, Mechagodzilla, with the Megazord. Mechagodzilla fires his Space Beam and blows a hole through the Megazord. Dormammu then arrives and grows exponentially and blasts Mechagodzilla with an insane amount of magic, which rips through and disrupts all of its circuitry, shutting Mechagodzilla down. The Neutron Space Cruiser then is able to dock with the Ronco X-Space Station for a all out final battle. Jimmy Neutron goes right after the Murderflies’s inventors. He rips a thick power line out of the wall, sneaks up behind Doc Brown and jams it into his back, sending 1.21 Jiggawatts coursing through Doc’s body. Jimmy is then, however, taken down by a well-placed bullet to the brain from Forge. Crash Bandicoot tries his spin attack against Dark Claw, only to receive several fatal stab wounds for his effort. Greedo then shoots first at Colossus, but the blast just bounces off of his organic metal body. Colossus then slams his two fists down, crushing Greedo into green goo. Then in a strange and unfortunate twist of fortune, Scarlet Witch says the words “no more spaceships.” And in that moment the Neutron Space Cruiser and Ronco X-Space Station both vanish. The horrible part is that not everyone was still wearing their space suits. Dozer, Aunt May, Dorf, Suzanne, Bob: Agent of HYDRA and Julie all perished in the emptiness of space. Hydro Man was killed as well since he instantly froze and Sonny shattered him into a million pieces. Yoda leads Agen Kolar, Shaak Ti, Arisia, and Cade Skywalker against Guy Gardner, Kyle Rayner, G’Nort, Shatterstar, and Beatrix Kiddo. G’Nort falls to Shaak Ti’s lightsaber, but his death wasn’t in vain as he saved Guy Gardner from a double team by Shaak Ti and Cade Skywalker. Booster Gold, Hawkman and Hawkwoman fly in to lend some aid to their teammates. Yoda leaps and bounces off several small asteroids and slices the wings of Hawkman and drives his lightsaber into the heart of Hawkwoman. Arisia uses her power ring to blast Beatrix Kiddo and ruptures her space suit, killing her in the process. Cade Skywalker engages Booster Gold, who arrogantly thinks he can defeat the Jedi. Cade rushes Booster, who instinctively puts up his force field. However, Cade’s lightsaber is able to penetrate it, and thus striking down Booster Gold. Brock Samson awakes from his nap and realizes that the space station is no longer there and his bed is floating in space. “Aw goddamn it,” grumbles Brock. He then comes face to face with Martian Manhunter. Brock winds up and hits J’onn square in the jaw and actually knocks him back to the Martian’s surprise. He then serves one right back to Brock, which sends him sailing and smacking into Optimus Prime’s chest. Prime then looks at Brock who is reeling back to punch the much larger Autobot leader and blasts him at point blank range with his rifle, finally killing Brock Samson. “Howard, what are we doing still alive in this battle??” asks Clone Trooper #26, who is hiding behind a big iron pherite formation on an asteroid with Howard the Duck and Jedi Youngling #39. “I’m still trying to figure out why they sent a child out into this battle,” replies Howard the Duck. “Hey ya Bastiches! Stop hidin’ and start fightin’,” shouts a cigar chomping Lobo the Duck. The four of them rush out from behind the rock formation, only to be incinerated by Dormammu. The act draws out Etrigan the Demon, who immediately blows his hellfire breath at Dormammu. “Yeah I’m going to help you on this one “Dormie,” cause I really don’t want to listen to this guy rhyme,” says Loki as he sneaks up behind Etrigan and lops his head off with his sword. “Snoochie boochies!” exclaims Jay and he and Silent Bob leap on top of Sonny and bash his head in with a meteorite. “Damn son, I know he was just a robot be we just kicked his f&$#%& a$$,” says Jay. He then tries to light up a joint and pulls his helmet off, not realizing he needed it to survive. Now completely distraught that his heterosexual life partner is now dead, Silent Bob goes unhinged and kills Metroid #20 and savagely kills tank with Sonny’s leg before Cassandra Nova kills him with but only a thought. Neo and Trinity both rush in and shoot Lorne Michaels, Brak, and Sarah Palin several times with their guns. Neo is then clotheslined down and Trinity is kicked right in the gut by the Scourge O’ the Cosmos, Lobo. He then drops an elbow on Neo as Batgirl attacks Trinity. “You should not have done that,” Neo says in a extremely dry and boring tone. “Yeah, yeah, whatever. Lets fight!” replies the Ultimate Bastich. Neo backflips up and flies right at Lobo driving him into the asteroid. Lobo kicks him back and then flings his chained hook at the Chosen One, but Neo dodges it and it takes Zorack’s head off instead. Martian Manhunter flies in and they double-team the Main Man. They both use their super speed to overwhelm Lobo. Neo grabs the chained hook out of Zorak’s carcass and wraps it around Lobo several times. Martian Manhunter then takes the hook and phases it into the center of Lobo’s head. When J’onn releases the hook, it becomes tangible and frags Lobo. Batgirl is actually keeping up with Trinity’s moves, having being trained by the best. But Trinity is just simply too fast for her. After several counters and blocks, Trinity is able to get one shot off, but that’s all she needs. Dark Claw sees this happen and is furious, due to the fact that he had taken Batgirl under his wing. He leaps at Trinity and eviscerates her. “NOOOOO!! TRINITY!” screams Neo, who flies as fast as he can at Dark Claw, hardly even stopping to realize that he has already actually torn right through him. Hellboy sets his eyes on Ajax Major, and cranks him right across the jaw with the Right Hand of Doom. Ajax swings his hammer at Hellboy, but he catches it and crushes it within his large stone hand. Hellboy then pulls out the Samaritan and blows Ajax away at point blank range. “Go go Gadget rocket launcher,” shouts Inspector Gadget as a big rocket shoots out of his hat and targets the leaders of the Murderflies. King Leonidas and General Popeil see this coming, but currently are helpless to stop it. The Green Lanterns are busy with the squad of Yoda led Jedi, but G’Nort, being the loyal dog that he is, uses his ring to push them back out of the way. However this opens him up to Shaak Ti’s lightsaber. Shatterstar and Hellboy then both rush Inspector Gadget and rip him limb from limb. I’m pretty sure I saw Hellboy trying Gadget’s trench coat on after they killed him. The Maxx then jumps in and attacks Ben and Cade Skywalker. The two Skywalkers work together and slays the big purple toothy schizoid. Kyle Rayner and Guy Gardner are both putting up a hell of a fight against five Jedi Masters. Kyle is able to take out Agen Kolar with a flurry of green energy bullets and Guy Gardner overpowers Ki Adi Mundi with a giant green energy mace that knocks Ki Adi into a passing comet. Shazam flies in and gives the Green Lanterns some much-needed assistance. He swoops in behind Ben Skywalker and wraps him in a bear hug, crushing his back. This allows Kyle and Guy to take out Cade Skywalker with a double blast of green energy. Colossus then picks Yoda up and launches him right at Kyle Rayner, with his lightsaber drawn, and in one fell swoop takes the head off of Kyle. Scarlet Witch meanwhile has been busy fighting off Arisia. She finally takes down the Green Lantern by turning her power ring into an princess-cut engagement ring. She then blasts her away with some Chaos magic. The magical forces of Dormammu and Loki however soon overpower her. She tries to defend herself, but combined that are just simply too powerful for her. Colossus sees Hellboy and gives him a double axe-handle to the back of the neck, driving him into the ground. He then puts his knee into Hellboy’s back and pulls up on his head until he hears the pop of his vertebrae. Shatterstar tries to face off against Neo, but when he swing his dual-bladed sword at him, Neo just stops it with his bare hand, snatches it out of Shatterstar’s hand and runs him through with his own weapon. Shazam and Guy Gardner are now both facing the threat of Martian Manhunter, Shaak Ti, Loki, Dormammu, Colossus, Cassandra Nova, and Roller. Guy being the prick that he is, instinctively blows up the easy target of Roller. Neo and Martian Manhunter both fly at Shazam and attack him simultaneously. The moment they are about to hit Shazam he shouts “SHAZAM!” and a lightning bolt shoots down and hits both Martian Manhunter and Neo. This knocks both of them back and gives Shazam a much-needed opening. He flies right after Neo and lights him up with a few more lightning bolts, before he is finally weakened enough for him to snap his neck. Martian Manhunter and Cassandra Nova both use their telepathy powers to take over the mind of Shazam. They have him attack and kill Guy Gardner in an act that I can only describe a brutal and horrific. Then the combined forces of Martian Manhunter, Dormammu, and Loki are able defeat and kill Shazam. Yoda then goes after the Murderflies core leaders. Forge tries to shoot the Jedi Master, but Yoda deflects all of his blasts. He throws his lightsaber into Forge’s chest. He then leaps up onto him as he’s falling and pulls the lightsaber out of him. Jedi Master #20 puts up an almost embarrassing performance against Yoda, as he doesn’t even break stride to end the Jedi’s life. “I knew it would only be a matter of time, before we met Master Yoda,” says King Leonidas. “Worthy adversaries are you,” replies Yoda. “Afraid I am. This battle at an end it is,” says Yoda. “If it is then, I shall meet the end as a Spartan,” Leonidas says as he leaps into the air, sword drawn at the diminutive Jedi Master. Optimus Prime comes driving in fast and transforms, blasting Leonidas out of the air. Yoda then lunges at General Popeil, but Dobby sacrifices himself and takes the lightsaber hit for his teammate. Then the combined forces of the Slaves are just too much for the valiant warrior known as Ron Popeil and he falls defiant until the very end.

GEORGE WASHINGTON’S SLAVES ARE VICTORIOUS!Hel