Built Ford Tough vs The Abomitrons

Built Ford Tough is Han Solo & Chewbacca in a Snow Speeder, Diego, Baby Jaguar, Darkwing Duck, Aslan, Power Man, Iron Fist, E. Honda, USAgent, Barry Sanders & Mr. T in an AT-ST, Beta Ray Bill, The Flaming Carrot, Mr. T, Grapple, Solid Snake, Strong Guy, & Star Sapphire.

The Abomitrons are Hancock, Ewoks #49 & 51, Bucky, Ben Tennyson, Gwen, & Kevin, Wookie Soldier #31-36, Snow Trooper #26-45, Tim Cheveldae, Paul Coffey, Steve Yzerman, Bryan Murray, Olaf Kölzig, Cyborg Superman, Abin Sur, Rotta the Hutt, & Treasure Troll #17.

“Hoth?! You’re kidding me?! I hate Hoth!” exclaims Han Solo as Built Ford Tough is teleported to the frozen planet. To make matters worse, they are teleported to an area that is covered in a thick sheet of ice. They then see a blur of red and white streak around them and before they know it, Darkwing Duck is cut in half. The blur then stops to reveal himself… Paul Coffey. “That’s right. I’m Paul Coffey, yes I’m the real Coffey, all you other Paul Coffeys are just line changing,” says the fastest man on a pair of skates. “Oh, and I brought back up.” It’s at this point where Snowtroopers #26-45 come out of their hidings and start blasting Built Ford Tough. Grapple instinctively transforms into his truck mode to protect his team, but the Snowtroopers’ firepower is too much for the Autobot to withstand and he dies from the attack. “Alright team, let’s not let Grapple’s sacrifice be all for nothing. Attack!” yells Aslan the Lion. Han Solo and Chewbacca immediately take off in their Snow Speeder and start to fire on The Abomitrons. “Whoaaaa. Waa maa Warrgh,” growls Chewy. “Sorry Chewy, but I don’t think they had Wookies in mind when they built it,” replies Han. With one pass, they are able to take out Snowtroopers #26-30 and both Ewoks. Beta Ray Bill then flies into the air and launches several lightning bolts down killing Rotta the Hutt, Treasure Troll #17, and Wookie Soldiers #34-36. Barry Sanders and Mr. T, together in an AT-ST, blast Wookie Soldier #31 and Snowtroopers #37-40. “I pity da’ fool who’s not Built Ford Tough,” says Mr. T. The remaining Snowtroopers then rush Built Ford Tough’s camp and overwhelm E. Honda and The Flaming Carrot, but before they fall, they are able to kill Snowtroopers #44 and 45. Solid Snake then leaps in and single handedly kills Snowtroopers #31-36. The two Wookie Soldiers still left jump in and help Snowtroopers #41-43 finally kill Solid Snake. Mr. T and Barry Sanders are trying to kill Paul Coffey, Steve Yzerman and Bryan Murray, but Tim Cheveldae and Olaf Kölzig are blocking every blast with their Stark-Tech goalie pads. Abin Sur then comes up behind the AT-ST and uses his ring to create a giant hand that picks up the AT-ST like a curling stone and tosses it across the ice. Tim, Paul, Steve, and the Bry, along with Olie the Goalie, start yelling “Sweep! Sweep! Sweep!” as Abin Sur then creates huge green energy brooms that are sweeping the ice in front of the sliding AT-ST. “Incoming!” shouts USAgent as he sees the AT-ST sliding right for them. It crashes into Grapple’s body, exploding on impact and killing Mr. T, Barry Sanders, Diego, and Baby Jaguar. Star Sapphire then flies up and engages the Green Lantern. This however is really just a diversion, because Han Solo and Chewbacca fly up behind him and blast him out of the sky. They then do another run against The Abomitrons and take out both Gwen Tennyson and Kevin Levin. This sends Ben Tennyson into a rage and he turns into Humongousaur. He takes a chunk out of the Snow Speeder, which sends Han and Chewy crashing to the ground. They survive the crash, but the Snow Speeder’s toast. Star Sapphire then blasts a bolt of pink energy at The Abomitrons, but Paul Coffey is able to deflect it with his Stark-Tech hockey stick. Or at least that’s what he thought. Olaf Kölzig drops to the ground and bleeds out from an area of his neck that was unprotected. “Paul! You killed Olaf!” yells Bryan Murray. But before the defenseman can responds, Strong Guy comes charging in and knocks over Steve and Paul. He starts slamming his fists down on top of Tim Cheveldae, who luckily is able to withstand the blows due to his Stark-Tech padding. Steve then rips a hard slap shot right at Strong Guy and breaks his nose with the chunk of ice he just shot. The Captain then skates right towards Strong Guy and very un-Yzerman-like, he drives his stick right up underneath the chin of the mutant. “Whoa, I’ve heard of high-sticking before, but damn,” Hancock says to Steve. Power Man and Iron Fist attack the three remaining Snowtroopers and are able to dispatch them in a very straight and heterosexual way (Note: Ryatu is currently being sued by Luke Cage, who is claiming that the Watcher has defamed his name and ruined his reputation). Aslan the Lion then leaps onto the back of Wookie Soldier #32 and takes a fatal bite out of his neck. USAgent finishes off the last Wookie Soldier with a well-placed shield in the face. “Hancock! Hank! Get in there and help us! We’re getting killed!” yells the Captain. The two powerhouses first target Beta Ray Bill, or is it the other way around? I’m not sure, since all three of them clash high above the battlefield with great intensity. Beta Ray Bill strikes first and rips the right arm off of Cyborg Superman and follows it up with a hammer blow to Hancock’s sternum. Cyborg Superman then uses his heat vision to drive Beta Ray Bill back. Bill then tries to call down a powerful lightning bolt, but Hancock sees this attempt. “Oh no you don’t” he says to the Korbinite. Hancock at lightning fast speeds (pun totally intended) grabs Beta Ray Bill’s cape and whips him into the lightning bolt’s path. This gives Hancock and Cyborg Superman the opportunity they need. They attack Bill simultaneously and are finally able to defeat him. Beta Ray Bill’s body plummets to the ground. Hancock and Hank then split up to attack the rest of Built Ford Tough. Cyborg Superman makes extremely quick work of Star Sapphire, who tries to block his path back to the battle. Bucky then tries to attack USAgent. “Hey! I know Captain America, and buddy, you’re no Captain America,” says Bucky as he dropkicks USAgent. “You’re right. I’m not. I’m US F’n Agent,” replies the Captain America replacement as he crushes Bucky’s skull with his shield. He’s then rocked by a hard punch courtesy of Hancock. Power Man and Iron Fist try to lend a hand to their teammate. “Sorry, I don’t fight fairies,” says Hancock. This sends Power Man over the edge and he charges Hancock. He then however, quickly gets his neck snapped by the surly and most likely hung over Hancock. Cyborg Superman and Humongousaur then arrive to back Hancock up. Aslan the Lion feels that this battle is over for his team and orders the retreat.

THE ABOMITRONS ARE VICTORIOUS!