Beckerman's Backyardigan's: Beeyatches Vs. TEAM

Beckerman’s Backyardigan’s Beeyatches are Darth Vader, Red Hulk, Sasquatch, Wolverine, Doomsday, Dark Phoenix, Orion, Holocaust, & Krypto.

TEAM is Superman, Comet, Streaks, Thunderstrike, Ragnarok, Luke Skywalker & R2-D2 in an X-Wing, Voltron, Galvatron, Nyobi & C-3PO in a Snow Speeder, Wile-Coyote, & Jet Li.


As the match begins Vader speaks to his troops. “Everything about this season is unacceptable. The Bryan Beckerman Division is the weakest in the league and we are only .500. We are now about to square off against the champions and we don’t even have a play-off spot clinched let alone the Division Win which Coach Hannibal has already said is an absolute must”. Wolverine chimes in with “relax Darth; look around you, this squad could rip Asteroid M apart with its teeth. We’re the best at what we do bub, and we got this match in the bag”. “Is that a guarantee Wolverine” asks Orion. “No, that’s a “Wolverentee” bub”. “I shall hope so for your sake Logan, Coach Hannibal is not as forgiving as I am”. Now that the squad’s are smaller and more elite, TEAM’s coaching staff insisted on meeting with all of the Week 9 starters before the battle. The Oracle and Mother Brain loaded the minds of all involved with so much esoteric and existentialist nonsense that it did more to confuse the team than to help but as they were leaving Spock pulled Superman and the 2 Thor’s aside to say “Remember, despite are division being the toughest in the league, our play-off chances look very good. If we are going to continue our greatness, we will need all of you”. Thunderstrike shrugs off this advice by saying “Aye! Thanks for the advice Coach Spock, but this battle at hand will be won, no matter the cost”. Spock replies with: “You’re logic frightens me. Is it not more important to win the war than the battle”? Back on the ice world of Hoth these 2 A.L. powerhouses waste no time clashing with one another. Doomsday once again begins brawling with his arch-enemy Superman, but this time Superman has the help of his 2 Super-pals Comet & Streaks. Thunderstrike and Ragnarok follow Superman’s lead and engage in hand to hand brawls with Rulk & Sasquatch, but Orion flies down to even the fight. Luke flies thru the air in his X-Wing with Nyobi flanking him in her Snow Speeder, while Voltron’s 5 Lions form together to form the Voltron from the far Universe. With his Napoleon complex raging Wolverine decides that he needs to take out the biggest guy on the team which is why he attacks Galvatron. Krypto bites the jugular of Wile Coyote but is then kicked by Jet Li. The Super Dog easily recovers from the attack and then knocks Jet Li into a snow bank on his way up, so he can distract TEAM’s ships. Holocaust prepares for battle, but as he is doing so Luke’s X-Wing comes ripping thru the skies above as if it had just come out of nowhere. Luke uses the force to sense that the opponent below him is very powerful, which is why he spares no expense when it comes to weapons. Holocaust attempts to absorb the proton torpedo attacks, but he must be ray shielded (almost 30 years of watching Star Wars and I still don’t know what that means) because Luke is able to overload the mutant with the attack and kill him. Nyobi, despite her great piloting skills is not quite used to such a small ship, so she is just doing her best to keep up with the more experienced Luke. She follows Luke, like a good Wing Woman, but then radios the mini rogue squadron leader in a panic. Nyobi has no idea how she has completely lost control of her Snow Speeder and why the controls are completely unresponsive. Luke does not know what to say to his teammate, but he has a feeling that force powers beyond his control are at play. Lord Vader from on the icey ground has used the force to take control of the Snow Speeder and has caused it to crash land in the snow bank below. Nyobi and C-3P0 are relatively unhurt as they jump out of the landed Snow Speeder and rush toward Vader (well Nyobi rushes C-3P0 is just kind of waddling). Nyobi busts out some mad kung fu stuff Norris style, but Vader blocks her kicks with his hands and then uses his lightsaber to finish her off. Darth Vader then uses the force to begin pulling C-3P0 apart, but after he gets a good look at the droid, he stops. The evil to the core Darth Vader gently puts C-3P0 back on the ground as if he just could not bring himself to hurt the droid. The Sith Lord then walks away leaving the droid alone. Thunderstrike jacks Sasquatch in the grill with Thunderstrike which kills him, but he then squares off one on one against Orion, while Ragnarok dukes it out with Rulk. Rulk uses his massive foot to knock Ragnarok down into the snow and then uses all of his might to bash in the face of Thor’s Clone and kill him. Thunderstrike dodges a punch from Orion and then comes down hard with his Thunderstrike hammer to break the Astro-Harness off of Orion. The 2 of them begin brawling after that with nothing but their amazing strength, but Thunderstrike comes out on top when the old god gets a hold of the new god and cracks his ultra durable neck. Thunderstrike grabs his hammer and stands victorious over the body of Orion, but he does not yet realize that he will not receive a break. Thunderstrike and Rulk begin battling fiercely with one another. Rulk is suited perfectly to the freezing cold climate of Hoth, where it makes it near impossible for him to overheat. Rulk ducks under Thunderstrike’s hammer and then grabs his arm and breaks it at the elbow. Rulk then delivers a massive chop to the neck of Thunderstrike which hits with such force that the not even the god of thunder can withstand the mortal wound. Luke blasts Krypto with pinpoint accuracy which sends him flying into the direction of Voltron. Voltron uses his massive sword to cut right thru the tough hide of the Kryptonian dog. Dark Phoenix sees the threat of the huge Voltron and flies in at the speed of light to meet him. Voltron in no way expects the miniscule looking Dark Phoenix to possess any where near the power needed to destroy him, but once Dark Phoenix unleashes the Phoenix force on the robot, he is instantly ripped apart and destroyed. Luke sees this amazing display of power and gets set for his attack run. Luke says: “Artoo, let’s get ready for our attack run, and by the way, this is a mighty fine gin and tonic, why don’t you mix me up another. Things are about to get messy”. Luke tries to fly in but his X-Wing is completely destroyed by just the mere remnants of the Phoenix power. Luke and R2 eject out of the X-Wing just in time before they are destroyed with it. Superman, like always holds his own against Doomsday as they trade massive hits back and forth. Comet and Streaks help out, but once Doomsday gets a good hold of them and crushes their heads together they are just not durable enough to withstand his attack. Galvatron knows that if his team is going to win this fight that they are going to need Superman so he transforms into his cannon form and blasts Doomsday. Doomsday gets back up, but once Superman sees what damage is done to Doomsday by the ranged attack he flies a few meters into the air and targets Doomsday with his heat vision. Superman then unleashes his heat vision like he has never done before while Galvatron helps him out with powerful laser blasts. When the smoke clears it is near impossible to even find a trace of Doomsday in the huge melted crater that the two members of TEAM created. Wolverine easily rips thru both R2-D2 and C-3P0 on his way to Luke. Luke draws his lightsaber and sticks it into Wolverine’s side but the mutant is able to roll with the hit. As Wolverine gets up with his healing factor already working on the wound he is able to rush in under Luke’s defenses and stab him in the chest. Galvatron transforms into his robot form and tries to target Darth Vader with his arm mounted cannon, but Vader uses the force to rip the massive weapon right off of the Decepticon. Vader then uses the force and his mechanical know-how to systematically crush and break every important part of Galvatron until his spark is extinguished. Vader orders all members of his team to regroup down on the ground while Superman hovers above them in the air. As a healed up Wolverine stands in the foreground with Dark Phoenix, Rulk, and Darth Vader behind him he says “Hey Supes! Let’s see ya come down and win this battle”. Superman feels a responsibility to avenge his fallen comrades, but instead he says to himself “No, I’d rather win the war”. Superman grabs an unconscious and half-frozen Jet Li out of a snow bank before he retreats back to base to fight another day.
BECKERMAN’S BACKYARDIGANS: BEEYATCHES ARE VICTORIOUS!