Season 5, Consolation Match Week 2: Griffin's High Maintenance Dope Fiends and Destroyers vs. Horsemen of Apokolips

“This is the last person you’re ever going to see alive.”

 -Ghostface

I look upon the teams which will do battle in this Season 5, Consolation Week 2 Match located at Arkham Asylum.  They are as follows:

Horsemen of Apokolips: Joker with M202A1 FLASH rocket launcher.

Dope Fiends and Destroyers: Ghostface and Vizzini.

Let the battle begin. . .

The Joker is used to the cold hallways of Arkham.  He slowly trots down his scouted path and passes by a door marked: “Do not open.”  Joker hesitates, ponders and walks away.  He further strolls down the hall and see another sign on a door a few yards down from the first.  The sign on the door states: “Really.  Do not open.”  The Joker cackles to himself and resists the temptation, once again.  As he walks another few feet, he sees another door with a sign labeled: “Come on.  You know you want to open this door.”  Joker’s mind spins and he quells his dire urge.  He rushes away and finally stops at a door with a sign that reads: “Joker, just do it!”  The Joker cannot stand it any more.  Joker looks inside and is unable to see anything. 

Joker:  Pandora’s box.  Hehehehe.  Gotta open it don’t I?

Joker slowly turns the knob and Ghostface barrels out of the room, knife in hand.  He manages to sink the blade into Joker’s shoulder.

Joker:  That hurt!!!  Hahahahahaha.  But I think this is going to hurt more.  Whoever said it was smart to bring a knife to a gunfight.

Joker breaks the glass of where a fire hose used to be, miraculously next to the door currently resided in by Ghostface and pulls out his rocket launcher Ghostface sprints down the hallway and is incinerated in the rocket’s blast.  Joker shrugs and walks away.  He sees the room which he instinctively knows his next battle will occur.  Joker pulls out two cups from a tray and sits at a table in the middle of a padded room.  Vizzini slowly opens the door and sits down in front of the clown-faced psychopath.  Joker points to two cups which sit on the table. 

Joker:  I challenge you to a battle of wits.

Vizzini: For victory?

Joker nods his head and cackles.

Vizzini:  To the death?

Joker nods his head and cackles some more.

Vizzini: I accept.

Joker:  All right. Where is the poison? The battle of wits has begun. It ends when you decide and we both drink, and find out who is right... and who is dead.

Vizzini:  But it's so simple. All I have to do is divine from what I know of you: are you the sort of man who would put the poison into his own goblet or his enemy's? Now, a clever man would put the poison into his own goblet, because he would know that only a great fool would reach for what he was given. I am not a great fool, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you. But you must have known I was not a great fool, you would have counted on it, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of me.

Joker: You've made your decision then?

Vizzini: Not remotely. Because iocane comes from Australia, as everyone knows, and Australia is entirely peopled with criminals, and criminals are used to having people not trust them, as you are not trusted by me, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you.

Joker: Truly, you have a dizzying intellect.

Vizzini: Wait till I get going! Now, where was I?

Joker: Australia.

Vizzini: Yes, Australia. And you must have suspected I would have known the powder's origin, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of me.

Joker: You're just stalling now.

Vizzini: You'd like to think that, wouldn't you? You've beaten my Ghostface, which means you're exceptionally strong, so you could've put the poison in your own goblet, trusting on your strength to save you, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you. But, you've also bested my Spaniard, which means you must have studied, and in studying you must have learned that man is mortal, so you would have put the poison as far from yourself as possible, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of me.

Joker:  You're trying to trick me into giving away something. It won't work.

Vizzini: IT HAS WORKED! YOU'VE GIVEN EVERYTHING AWAY! I KNOW WHERE THE POISON IS!

Joker: Then make your choice.

Vizzini: I will, and I choose - What in the world can that be?

Vizzini gestures up and away from the table.  Joker looks away and Vizzini swaps the goblets.

Joker: What? Where? I don't see anything.

Vizzini: Well, I- I could have sworn I saw something. No matter. First, let's drink. Me from my glass, and you from yours.

Vizzini and the Joker drink.

Joker: You guessed wrong.

Vizzini: You only think I guessed wrong! That's what's so funny! I switched glasses when your back was turned! Ha ha! You fool! You fell victim to one of the classic blunders - The most famous of which is "never get involved in a land war in Asia" - but only slightly less well-known is this: "Never go against a Sicilian when death is on the line"! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha...

Vizzini stops suddenly, his smile frozen on his face and falls to the ground dead.

Joker laughs and walks out the Arkham doors.